(Part 2) Top products from r/TwoXChromosomes

Update:


Thank you all for your suggestions!! I bought a few of the ones mentioned here as well as some others. I went a little overboard, but I figure I can space out the gifts for later in the year, and some are for her little brother too.

1. Nancy Drew (1-5) I LOVED these when I was younger, they're such a classic and Nancy's take charge attitude taught me so much.
   
   
2. Little Pea (for her brother) A cute little kids book about a young pea who has to eat all of his candy for dinner, so he can have veggies for dessert! It's so charming and silly and is a fun reversal for kids who don't want to eat their veggies :)
   
   
3. The Planets in Our Solar System (Let's-Read-and-Find-Out Science) Thanks for the suggestion /u/tectonicus!
   
   
4. The Daring Book for Girls - a fun reference for knowledge and classic kids games, always ideas for fun stuff to do!
   
   
5. Getting To Know The World's Greatest Artists - These art history books for kids gave me such a decent foundation in art history that when I finally took it in college I got my first A+ at a university level. Not to mention, having that knowledge made my time at art museums for field trips and such so much more relevant as I grew up! Also, I give these books full credit for my success in Jeopardy studio auditions :)
   
   

• >Van Gogh
  
• >Monet
  
• >O'Keefe
  
• >Da Vinci
  
• >Rockwell
  
• 
  
  
  
  
  (She's French born, so I made sure to include some American artists in there too.)
  
  

6. The Paper Bag Princess - another one of my favorites that my dad used to read to me when I was younger. I loved it because when the Dragon strikes, it's the princess who has to outsmart him to save the bratty prince :)
   
   
7. The Magic School Bus Lost In The Solar System, and The Magic School Bus On The Ocean Floor. Classics! Thank you /u/tectonicus, /u/mariposamariposa, and /u/caemin!
   
   
8. The Book with No Pictures by B.J. Novak - couldn't tell too much about this one, but it's supposed to be very clever and leave a lot to the kid's imagination, fun to read out loud!
   
   
9. Annie Oakley: Young Markswoman (Childhood of Famous Americans). Another book I enjoyed as a girl about a young woman who who "broke the mold" - stepping outside of social boundaries and working hard at something she was incredibly talented at.
   
   
10. The Way Things Work - This one looks great!
    Thank you /u/mariposamariposa, and /u/moration!
    
    
    Edit: For the commenters saying I should just give her princess stuff if that's what she likes - I have and will continue to. This year I spent over 100 hours making her an Elsa from Frozen dress for her birthday. This should be proof enough that I encourage and share her enthusiasm. http://imgur.com/a/ga9DQ

I understand your point. I haven't said we, women, should treat other women automatically better or give them better treatment. But If this sub allows me to be honest, a lot of women do treat other women worse than they treat men.

I have seen it in very different scenarios. Without even bringing up the topic, I have being told by different people how women, as a group, are prone to destroy other women (especially at the workplace), but it seems to be this kind of secretive topic that should be treated as classified information. I'm sorry. I won't contribute to this lie.

I have met some nice supportive ladies, and I'm thankful for them. But just because I'm a woman I'm not going to deny that our gender has this seemingly instinctive drive to tear each other down and resent each other.

It takes a couple of minutes of TRUE (and painful) honesty to understand that I'm talking about an issue that is palpable...

A few books that are very insightful (and confirm this tendency). I encourage people to read the reviews, so you see this is not a made up issue but very real. I recommend them because awareness may help us treat each other in a more civil way:

In the Company of Women

Woman's Inhumanity to Woman

Have a nice day!

I HIGHLY recommend: The What's Happening To my Body Book for Girls. It's what I learned on but the book is updated very often to include new information. It's informative but in a way that kids can undesrtand (without being super dumbed-down). Lots of useful pictures, lots of positive messages. I love this book! I read it cover to cover and referenced it many times throughout my pubescent years when I had questions.

Good luck!

Edit: If that one seems too advanced, try The Care and Keeping of You. It's mostly about hygiene and puberty. They are going to need something more informative in a few years, though...I find that book to be rather incomplete and it raised more questions for me than it answered.

Wow. You have accomplished so much in your life already. I really admire your strength and courage to have done all of the things you have. Even though you are an amazing person with tons of strength and courage, you can only get so far on your own. I think that seeing a therapist is the next strong, brave, courageous step you should take in your life.

I never went through anything remotely like you have, but, therapy changed my life completely for the better. I bet there are counseling services through your school. Also looks up books on Amazon and read the reviews. There are probably therapy books for people who have escaped cults like you have. You could also check out Toxic Parents. Actually (after a quick google search), it looks like you can read a PDF of the book for free here.

Nah, I've just been down this road before, Neo. I know how this feels. It hurts. It's totally normal to be hurt when someone says something unprovoked like that.

However, I want to be really clear about something. Even if absolutely everything in your life is fantastic - and even if you looked like Jennifer Aniston and were utterly perfect from head to toe - simply because everything in your life is great, that DOES NOT mean you automatically have to be happy. I have a great life! Sometimes I feel like shit.

Why? Because I have a valid form of depression that doesn't go away and doesn't respond to medication or CBT. It doesn't matter if every aspect of my life winds up being perfect at some point - that doesn't change mental illness. PLEASE do not beat yourself up if you're depressed or have any sort of mental health issue. If that's what you're dealing with, I'd recommend chatting with a counselor to see what a qualified mental health professional thinks. But mental health issues don't mean you're ungrateful, or a shitty person, or that you've done anything wrong. So don't feel like you "should" be happy just because your life appears to rock from an outside view. =)

I would recommend checking out the following books. I posted links to these yesterday on a completely different topic, but they apply, man. And they've helped me a lot, especially with learning to react better. Maybe they won't be helpful to you, but hey, the might make all the difference in the world. If you can, I'd try giving them a read.

From Panic To Power by Lucinda Basset - seriously helpful in learning how to NOT flip out when things go wrong, how NOT to let stress overpower you, etc. Seriously helpful.
http://www.amazon.com/From-Panic-Power-Techniques-Anxieties/dp/0060927585/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1367869290&sr=8-1&keywords=from+panic+to+power

Secondly, I'd recommend Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns. This is a really helpful guide to changing the way you react/think. I know it sounds like a bunch of bullshit, but I swear it helps - especially when you have trouble accepting things that don't turn out the way you expected/wanted/needed them to.

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=la_B00455GNDO_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1367869401&sr=1-1

There's a lot to it. If you're looking for something straight forward by actual researchers but written for a lay audience try Attached. It's super helpful and full of exercises to figure out your attachment style and that of partners. And also to work on better communication. https://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139

It's not one thing that someone does that determines whether you're avoidant, secure or anxious, you have to look at their behavior as a whole. But some of the things avoidantly attached people do are:

-talk about how great their ex was

-allow little things to build up and then explode

-make disparaging comments about their partners

-have difficulty with resolving conflicts - because resolving a conflict generally creates greater intimacy

-walk away during a conflict - my partner actually ran for the bus while we were discussing whether to have a sleepover on my birthday. It was so absurd all I could do was laugh. -_-

-dwell on negative aspects of a person - finding fault about something that's not actually important like how loud they chew, etc. is a way of maintaining distance

-talk about doing things like planned trips, or other long term signs of commitment but then those things will never actually happen

-say they're not ready for commitment while being in a relationship for years

Their independence is the most important thing to them so they don't want to depend on anyone or have anyone depend on them. so they start to get close to someone and then pull away.

Basically they need a lot of space because they're not comfortable with intimacy. It freaks them out. But often they're not aware that this is their attachment style and that can be a much bigger issue than just that they're avoidantly attached. Even then, it can be hard if their partner wants a lot of intimacy.

I did this but I waited and blood started coming out. I had wanted to wait to make an appt on Monday to save money (I was really poor freshman year) but it just got too bad on the weekend. I went to the emergency room pissing half blood and the nurse was like 'oh shit' when she saw my sample. She said it might have made it to my kidneys. The analysis revealed all kinds of weird shit that sick kidneys release: glucose, leukocytes, proteins etc etc.

Since I waited and was subsequently underprescribed antibiotic-wise (3 days of pills = not enough!!!!), I ended up getting UTI's on and off for a YEAR, in and out of free clinics with not enough meds (somehow they tend to give you like 3 pills as if you're going to somehow abuse them??) Also, waiting for the open appointment time during free clinic required me to spend upwards of 6 hours not in school or work just to be seen. I finally bit the bullet and spent several hundred dollars on 2 good doctor's appts (really I was just buying the time of a non-shady doctor to actually LISTEN to me) and got the prescriptions I needed. Thank goodness at the time I had just gotten insurance near the end b/c I ended up getting a CAT scan ($3k wtff?) and cystoscopy (ouch!), and a bunch of specialty urologist's appts to make sure something wasn't wrong with my kidneys. I was ok and am now for sure but it sucked. My right kidney is slightly enlarged on the scan though, so that first infection may have just made it to that kidney.

I had to take preventative cranberry supplements after months of preventative antibiotics for like 2 years and now I just take the straight form of D-Mannose powder which is what makes cranberries effective in its pure form. I take it when I feel a slight tingling or when I feel I'm more susceptible to infections. Its amazing btw! More susceptible for me = caffeine, sex, and stress, or especially a combination of 2 or 3. It works as well as the preventative antibiotics, but of course, if I got another infection I would take the antibiotics my doctor proactively prescribed (to minimize time between sickness and appointment). Good luck laidies, and don't wait to see the doctor!

The people who love you would not be happier if you were gone. They love you! They would miss you and be sad, feel guilty, get upset.

It's good that you recognize that suicide isn't the answer and are taking steps to get help. You go, girl! Definitely get a therapist, and have you tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? It's specifically helpful for interrupting repetitive thoughts like this. The main book is Feeling Good, I've friends who found it very helpful.

Good luck! Hang in there! Lots of people have this problem, there is help available. You're not alone.

Yeah, I mean, I'd be mortified if my boyfriend ever posted about me on the internet like this, but it shows you care. Is there any way you can get her to consider going to a therapist just for her other issues? More than likely it all has to do with her emotional problems. Maybe even getting her a self help book would be useful if she's totally against therapy. I like this one. Honestly, it sounds like she has a lot of problems that she's not even trying to deal with on her own... that's a lot for someone else to have to take on.

If/when he DOES move out, make sure you change all the locks throughout the apt, change the code if there's a code to get into the building, and tell your neighbors that you'd appreciate knowing if they see Ex-Roommate around the property.

The more people who know that he is potential trouble, the easier it will be for you to stay safe.

I would also recommend adding a peephole to the front door if possible. Install a small cover on the inside so it can't be used in reverse, and always check it if there's a knock/ring. If you don't see anyone on the other side of the door, don't open it, period.

And finally, I also also recommend grabbing a copy of The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. This book really helps you follow your intuition and gives a lot of tips to keep yourself safe without living in paranoia.

I've found it really helpful when I couldn't afford a therapist. You might also want to check out Feeling Good by David Burns- it does a good job of explaining CBT, and the workbooks that you can get are helpful as well.

Good luck- if you ever want to talk to someone, feel free to pm me.

Or, even better, you should buy the "Curly hair: The handbook" and learn all you need to know about curls! Do it now and you'll get a great offer and a cute kitten to look at!


Just kidding, I seriously recommend this book to all of the curly haired people in Earth. It helps you to identify your curl type, learn the best routine for it, and to know how to trim it.


It also has lots of information about the No-Poo method, because the author is the co-creator of the DevaCurl system.

In our heart of hearts, we don't want to believe that doctors/nurses "get bored" (which I think is a bit of a simplification) and do things that may endanger us or cause unnecessary interventions. After all, we are instilling a great amount of trust in their care. However, they are running a business, they are dealing with insurance companies, and their intentions are not purely to give the desired experience of the patient. Of course they don't want to put anyone into harms way, but most doctors don't view c-sections as dangerously as midwives and other obgyn professionals.

So it really comes back to the instilling trust factor. The best thing your sister can do is become educated. Understand the reasoning behind different procedures and the physiological functions of labor so that she isn't held helpless with difficult decisions during one of the most physically stressful moments of her life. This book for instance, is highly recommended by the natural child birthing community. I also like this book.

Outside of that, here is my personal advice.

1. Stay at home as long as possible. First births tend to be the longest and if she goes in at 8 or 10 cm dilated, she's much less likely to have interventions pushed on her since she will be close to delivery.
   
   
2. Refuse induction. Unless there is a critical emergency, inductions are almost always more harm than good and end up being the reason that most women are forced into c-sections. See this comment
   
   
3. Don't fear the magic number 40. When a woman goes over 40 weeks their doctor's get twitchy and start to demand induction even though predicting the exact conception date is not an exact science. First babies are often late as well.
   
   
4. Get a doula - they can be an excellent source of calm and a major advocate.
   
   There's lots of other good advice in this thread, but that's my 2 cents.
   

>The book 'a gift of fear' may be helpful to you, and break your conditioning to be 'nice' and not say no.

Yes. Yes. A thousand times, yes. I cannot stress how important it is that you read this book. If you have a Kindle, or at least the Kindle app on your phone, put it on your Amazon wish list and pm me the link. I will seriously buy it for you, the book is that helpful, especially for a young woman living in a large city. The things I learned from this book have helped me so much to adjust to living in Baltimore and has literally saved my life on at least one occasion. Please please please read this book!

I really suggest you read "Curly Girl" by Lorraine Massey. Even if you don't end up following her principles (which I do actually suggest you try, it's the best my hair has ever looked), you'll learn a lot about how to maintain curly hair.

You will have to work hard to find someone in your area who can cut your hair well. Ask around; find people with curly hair that looks good, and ask them. It takes time, but it's well worth the effort.

I unfortunately can't do a lot of the things other curlies can. I need to shower daily due to my allergies and I can't use products with fragrance in them due to skin sensitivities (which for me show up as tiny pimples). But even this way, there are still work around and I can get my hair looking fabulous when I'm patient. So keep trying things until you find what works for you. Good luck!

Congratulations! I'm jelly!

Look into getting some pregnancy books, they generally do a good job of demystifying the process. Here are some suggestions:

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth is an excellent place to start. It's all about how natural birth is, and has a bunch of positive birth stories.

The Panic Free Pregnancy is definitely useful. You'll be bombarded with all the things that are unsafe for you during your pregnancy, and this book helps determine fact or fiction and provides an explanation.

Lots of people suggest What to Expect When You're Expecting, but others find it kind of fear-mongering. I skimmed through it once and the list of adverse side effects you can expect to experience is pretty intimidating.

The Mayo Clinic's Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy is a more clinical approach. I haven't read it myself but I've heard good things about it. Less fluff than some pregnancy books, more fact.

Bi-Polar Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder? If it is Borderline, please read books SPECIFIC on this, not for Bi-Polar as there are notable differences in how to handle the illness.
https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1502724289&sr=1-1&keywords=borderline+personality+disorder

Did her doctor diagnose her? Is she accepting of her mental illness and is she aware and able to work on it? How long have you been married? How old are the kids?

My husband's ex-wife was loosely diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Every time a doctor got enough insight and started to see her lies and manipulation of the story, she'd find a new doctor that would tell her what she wanted to hear, so she never got officially diagnosed. Her BPD causes things to be very black and white. You either agree with her (and she changes her views/opinions very frequently so you must keep up!!) or she cuts you out/off entirely. There is no agree to disagree, no civility or humanity in interactions.

You must get yourself and the kiddos some counseling. If she wants counseling, obviously get her some. But my guess is she has a few moments of clarity here and there, and sees what a monster she can be but for the most part, she villainizes everyone around her and she's convinced she's blameless.

You haven't provided a whole lot of information but if you'd like to add more detail, I'd be more than happy to listen or advise. I also think you should post this on r/Askmen because I have read a lot of stories on there that are similar to this.

Best of Luck with your situation!

@ OP: Give this book one chapter. It was recommended to my by my therapist, who went and met the author.

I don't like self-help books/programs, by and large, but this book was different right from the first page. I was happily shocked to realize how much better, how much more in control of my thoughts, and likewise, my emotions.

So give it one chapter. I eventually gave up my anti-depressants because of information I used from Dr. Burns' book.

You're hung up on a thought and it's holding you hostage. Give yourself a break and do some happy reading. Happy? Yeah, because there's nothing "wrong". With you or about you. Perspective and analysis. Give it a shot. One chapter, no jargon, no BS.

> TL;DR friends stood me up

This quote stands out for me:

> I got engaged last fall to this wonderful man. I'm crazy about him, and he's my best friend.

Maybe your friends are acting socially (unconscious, not as individuals) to punish you?


"When we ask men who their best friend is, most will identify their wives. When women are asked the same question, they usually name other women." ~Opening sentence of In the company of Women: Indirect Agression Among Women: Why We Hurt Each Other and How to Stop http://www.amazon.com/Company-Women-Indirect-Aggression-Among/dp/1585422231

The STM method is the symptothermal method. For Catholics, it's usually taught through the couple to couple league, but it's also the most popular secular method because it's the one taught in Taking Charge of Your Fertility. If you're interested in learning more about fertility at all, this is the go-to book. This method is based on observing at least 2 primary fertility signs (cervical fluid and basal body temperature) and marking the beginning and ending of the fertile period based on the information gathered. A barrier method, withdrawal, outercourse, or abstinence is used during "Phase 2" of the cycle, which is the period between identifying the beginning of fertility and the end of fertility. The advantages of this method are that you can confirm ovulation, for sure--other than an ultrasound, there isn't really a good way to confirm that ovulation is happening. You can assume that it is based on other fertility signs and LH testing (ovulation predictor kits), but that information doesn't prove that ovulation actually occurred.

The Marquette method is primarily an NFP method, so in order to follow the protocol exactly, they require abstinence during the fertile period. That being said, if you're using it secularly, you can use barrier methods if you understand the risk that you are taking.

Marquette uses the Clearblue Advanced Fertility Monitor to track changing estrogen and LH levels in urine. Based on this information, there's a protocol for determining when your fertile period begins and ends. This is the official Marquette website. Unfortunately there's a paywall to access the forums, which is where they post updated and improved protocol (which is mainly for special circumstances--breastfeeding, postpartum, PCOS, etc).

There are also methods that track only cervical fluid (Billings, Creighton, Justisse), which tends to be very low on the cost and labor intensity scale. I successfully used Billings for awhile, but wanted more concrete information to prepare for trying to conceive in the future (1-2 years down the road).

I've never been shy. But one thing you said made me compelled to comment. "Because I was afraid they didn't actually want me there."

I think everyone has this fear, not just shy people. I'm always terrified of this. And part of it is my depressive mindset. I started cognitive behavioral therapy a year ago, and it's really helpful for exactly this kind of scenario. What you're doing, according to CBT, is fortune-telling and mindreading. You're assuming people don't like you. You're predicting they will dislike you. You don't have real evidence to support these ideas, but you keep telling yourself them over and over again, right?

There's a book I'd highly recommend you read called The Feeling Good Handbook. It's a primer in CBT and helps you talk yourself out of these kind of moments where you're shutting yourself down and thinking negatively about yourself ("No one here likes me.")

This sounds more like borderline personality disorder or severe bipolar disorder, though I'm not a mental health professional. There's a great book called Stop Walking on Eggshells that might be worth checking out. That link is to a blog that talks about the book, but it's also available on Amazon.

Even if you can't get help for your mom, you can get help for yourself in dealing with her. If it's an option, I'd highly recommend seeking out therapy to help you learn to cope with your interactions with her. Is moving out and living with another family member like a grandparent or aunt/uncle an option?

I want to give your friend (and you) a giant hug. This is real, this happens, this sucks. My first question is whether or not she can transfer to a different college or a community college near you: it sounds like it's a toxic atmosphere for a lot of reasons.

This is a really helpful book when it comes to recognizing abuse signals: http://www.amazon.com/The-Gift-of-Fear-ebook/dp/B0036Z9U2A/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1334187544&sr=8-3 (I linked to the Kindle edition, you can download a free app for it.) Here's a hotline for domestic violence support: http://www.thehotline.org/ I've called it when I was worried for friends before.

As for therapy, if she doesn't trust the university counseling service, here are some great resources for free/cheap therapy: http://captainawkward.com/2011/09/22/how-to-locate-low-cost-mental-health-care-in-the-us-and-canada-guest-post/

Unfortunately, you can't "make" your friend do anything, and you can't force her to leave the relationship, get help, or seek therapy. You can be there for her, but the decisions have to come from her. And quite possibly, giving her this information herself, if she's unprepared, might cause her to wall up. Be gentle, and be there for her.

Oh, simple!

These two books are classic and very appropriate for her age. They address both puberty and sex with clear descriptions and accurate terminology. Think of it as something you would explain, like the seasons and the earth tilting on its axis. It doesn't need to be overwhelming or taboo.

You want her to be comfortable coming to you with questions.

My parents read them to me, and I read them to my girls several times over the years.

http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Happening-Me-Guide-Puberty/dp/0818403128

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0818402539/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_2?pf_rd_p=1944687442&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=0818403128&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1S5348W9H86286M194VT

I just lent our copies to the neighbors. I hope they work well for you!

Hardware stores also sell door braces that fit under the doorknob and make the door harder to swing open. It's a tough to describe but this Amazon link has an example photo. You could potentially buy them, use them until you move out and return them to the store.

How old is the building? Modern doors are basically thin sheets of wood built like corrugated cardboard (Think Ikea desktops). I'm a male, 130lb and broke thru one pretty easily (It's ok, I work in construction). Older door are more solid.

It sounds like you would love this book. It's the memoir of Norah Vincent, a 5'11" androgynous lesbian who spent a year living as a man to find out what it was like. Fantastic book.

https://www.amazon.com/Self-Made-Man-Womans-Year-Disguised/dp/0143038702

I have read some things about certain kinds of probiotics being good for vaginal health. There are apparently a couple of kinds of good bacteria identified by researchers to be good: Lactobacillus rhamnosus, GR-1 and Lactobacillus reuteri, RC-14.

A product called Femdophilus contains both these kinds of Probiotic and, if the hundreds of Amazon reviews are worth a damn, works really well for some ladies.

Femdophilus

Good luck! I know how awful itching down there can be. :(

My Dad was the one who told my sister and I about intercourse when I was 8. He sat us down and read us this picture book. I was a little grossed out, but it did not change my feelings about Dad at all!

However, whether she learns about sex or not, your daughter will pull away from you in the next couple years as she goes through puberty. Heck, so will your son later on. That's what teenagers do. It has little to nothing to do with the realization that "my parent's have sex!" and everything to do with just growing up and trying to figure out who they are.

You sound like a caring father with a good relationship wit your daughter. You're relationship might not involve cuddling or wrestling matches as she gets older but there's no reason to think you won't remain close.

I respect your consciousness on this issue, and the ability to recognize pettiness and rising above it. Not all people can do that, and they just go all the way with their hatred and jelousy.

Don't feel too bad though...besides societal influences, the issue of female on female agression (non physical) has been studied more deeply only recently, and it has been noted it is "instinctual".
A raw reaction to usually physically attractive women. It's like women are hardwired to see other pretty or thriving ladies as competition, so hostility arises (through the form of thoughts, attitudes, behaviors, etc.) It is NOT a conscious process, it comes from the subconscious making it harder to detect and assuage.


It is quite common in our gender no matter how much we insist on hiding this side of female interactions.

Again I congratulate you on recognizing the jelousy, and reflecting.

Let's hope more women read your post and learn to recognize that urge to judge and shun other people for petty reasons.

A few books on this issue:

Woman's Inhumanity to Woman

In the Company of Women

Mean Girls grown up

Have you tried D-Mannose? It may not work if it's not a UTI, and I would recommend checking with your doctor before using it, but I used to have awful chronic UTIs I didn't feel like ever went away and it was a miracle. Check out the reviews on Amazon. FYI the powder works better.

http://www.amazon.com/Now-Foods-D-Mannose-Powder-3-Ounce/dp/B000HCMK90?ie=UTF8&keywords=d%20mannose&qid=1463085713&ref_=sr_1_4_s_it&s=hpc&sr=1-4

Hi there.

Sorry that this is happening to you. I can understand both of your concerns.

I think this book will help you a lot, combined with condoms. You can determine the timespan that you're fertile and avoid sex during that time.

You do have to get to know your body's fertility cues and understand how fertility works, which I think is kind of fun anyway. If you combine this with a condom it would help your chances a lot.

http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0062326031/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1458340043&sr=8-1&keywords=taking+control+of+your+fertility

Good luck to you, whatever you decide to do!

> Have any of you been in this situation?

Yes.

> How did you pull out of the slump? What can I do as a woman to embrace and feel better about myself?

Therapy. If you want a simpler answer I can recommend this book. My therapist made me use it and it's actually been very helpful whenever I have had the patience/will to use it.

I have a ftm tg friend...He does take hormones,but when he first started,he simply dressed as a man...

People see what they want to see and if you dress like a man,get short hair, a masculine name,they will see you as a man.

My friend also had some bottom and top surgery. Those are options as well.

This book,Self Made Man, depicts a lesbian who spent a year as a man..it's an interesting read:

http://www.amazon.com/Self-Made-Man-Womans-Year-Disguised/dp/0143038702

This book saved my life during puberty. If you're worried about being invasive, it might be a better option, and is definitely an acceptable gift. There is literally everything in there, from birth control to masturbation to homosexual feelings.

Ohh...maybe I can help. I had a major surgery that impacted my urinary tract and I use d-mannose capsules (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000HCMK90?th=1) and I have found that they really work for me. They keep bacteria from sticking together and forming a ladder up which is sometimes why infections re-occur after the first one. I hope this works for you.

Good luck. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

The way that birth is portrayed in our society can be frightening. We're inundated by images and horror stories from a young age. However, birth can also be a beautiful and positive experience. I had no morning sickness and no pregnancy complications at all. My son was born after a brief labor in a warm, relaxing birthing tub. I used a Certified Nurse Midwife instead of an OB. We had no complications and I went home six hours after the birth and slept in my own bed.

A vaginal birth is safer for you and baby and a much faster recovery time. It is very rare for a woman to have issues because of her size unless there are other medical issues at play - such as gestational diabetes. Women at my local birth center routinely have 10lb+ babies vaginally with no issues or interventions. There are a few great resources out there that portray birth in a different light. [Ina May's Guide To Childbirth] (http://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156) would be a good starting point.

I'm going to give you a reading list. He gives some good tips on what to look for and how to speak up for yourself.

Eg. if a man is walking toward you or insists on helping you carry your grocery bags, the author tells you what to do and how to set your boundaries. A normal man will listen to those boundaries, a predator will keep insisting.

If you notice someone stalking you, you can also ask a security guard or an employee to walk you to your car.

You can also partner up with another woman/mother with kids. safety in numbers.

If it was me I would probably tell him off, but that assertiveness is a skill it can take some time to acquire and feel comfortable using.

​

​

https://www.amazon.ca/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198

https://www.amazon.ca/Protecting-Gift-Keeping-Children-Teenagers/dp/0440509009/ref=pd_bxgy_14_3/134-2609707-8269027?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0440509009&pd_rd_r=e328d520-7aa4-11e9-985f-5d3a71b469ca&pd_rd_w=IbjEI&pd_rd_wg=v5Doq&pf_rd_p=a62e2918-d998-4bbb-8337-35aac776e851&pf_rd_r=2N8KEQ6YVFF8C8ZAH5BS&psc=1&refRID=2N8KEQ6YVFF8C8ZAH5BS

I'm assuming you're most definitely not a mutant, but for lack of knowledge in this field, I'll throw out a few suggestions. When I talked with my GYN about UTI-like symptoms, she recommended making dietary changes regarding bladder/urethral irritants. Mostly taking out tomatoes, really starchy or citrus-y foods. I've seen similar recommendations floating around for individuals with forms of interstitial cystitis.

here's a link

and this opens up the document with a comprehensive food trigger listing

Something else I've seen thrown around here has been the mention of D-Mannose, which can be used in powder or pill format. It's meant to prevent bacteria from adhering to urethral walls and therefore causing or escalating symptoms. I forget the full details, but it's something about the bacteria being heavily attracted to the sugar particles or something. I haven't seen it in many stores (but if you have a local Rite Aid, most carry it mixed with cranberry pills), though it seems to be fairly popular on Amazon.

here's one of the more popular versions

Sure. I got Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder and Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds and Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem. Both books reference each other and tie together well, although they're by different authors.

The Feeling Good Hand Book by David D. Burns, really helped me a lot. It's based around journaling when you have an episode and rationalizing these kind of statements out. He goes over a ton of common mental traps, how to identify them and how to best combat them).

For example, "Im sure my boss is going to think I'm a fool" is mind-reading and labeling-- In reality you don't know what your boss thinks of you unless you ask, he probably doesn't actually think that based on good work you've done before, and making a mistake does not make you a fool- it doesn't make you anything except a person who made a mistake.

Most of all I really do appreciate his discussion on "should" and "should nots" I'm not even sure I can describe how much my thinking was changed by this book.

I think it's easy to be critical of this person, and it's fair criticism too. That said he's probably suffering as well, his fragile ego probably comes from a place of fear and insecurity. Most people want to feel secure and no one wants to live in fear.

What you should do is totally up to you, how much do you care about this person? Do you think they can take advice? Do you think he might want to change the way he interacts with partners?

This book called "attached" might be helpful if you do want to try to help.

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind - and Keep - Love https://www.amazon.com/dp/1585429139/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_NJ7CzbR70MP8Q

I can totally understand your frustrations after being on hormonal birth control for so many years. I think that if you combine condoms with another "awareness" method, you shouldn't have to worry.

I would recommend that you get your hands on this book to educate yourself as much as possible. You might be able to find it for free online somewhere.

Now that you're getting off of the hormonal birth control, you can start to take notice of how your body subtly changes during the month, and better predict your ovulation window. Body temperature is a good indicator, as well as changes in discharge, breast tenderness, sex drive, etc.

Every woman is different, so you will have to figure out your indicators. For me, I always have sharp ovarian pain during my ovulation window, so it's unavoidable that I take notice.

Has she been tested for bacterial vaginosis? It cane seem like a YI when it's really BV.
http://www.cdc.gov/std/bv/stdfact-bacterial-vaginosis.htm

She can also try fem dopholus which is probiotics for females. Its supposed to help encourage her natural good flora to grow to keep away the bad.
http://www.amazon.com/Jarrow-Formulas-Fem-Dophilus-Capsules/dp/B0013OUK3E

>it may be safer to tell your kid "don't talk to strangers" than to trust them to judge the safety of each potential interaction appropriately.

It's not. Source: Gavin de Becker.

I recommend two things:

1. Stop watching TV.
   
   
2. Take a look at Ina May's Guide to Childbirth - arguably the best book on childbirth ever, and it'll go a long way to replace the TV-based images you have in your head with calmer, more natural, more realistic ones.

Yeah, it was around when I was a kid, but my parents got me this nonsense instead...not terrible, but the pictures were weird. I mostly remember a cartoon of a sperm dressed in a top hat and tails, holding flowers, and the description of an orgasm as a very pleasurable sneeze, lol.

Where did I come from?

What's happening to me?

This reminds me of my favorite book when I was growing up, The Paper Bag Princess . Yay for empowering young girls!

I'm sorry that you are in this situation. It is not your fault.

When I went to therapy, it was for a combination of depression/anxiety/gender dysphoria, but you'd be surprised how much of it comes back to family, and not in a bullshit Freudian way. So while it wasn't about abuse per se, my therapist and I ended up talking about my family every single time.

I'd say it helped. Not in that it changed them (how could it?), but that it helped me see why my parents were the way they were. It helped me understand them, and that helped me forgive them and forge a better relationship with them. (Moving out also helped a shit ton, I can't lie.)

I also recommend the book Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. It gets thrown around on Reddit a lot, and that's where I learned about it, not in therapy, but it is worth the read for a lot of people.

Happy to! This is what I buy from vitamin shoppe since I am paranoid the ice packs might not be enough for Amazon shipping sometimes unless it's fast and you double check how the seller ships it. The bacteria die if not kept cold.

http://www.amazon.com/Jarrow-Formulas-Fem-Dophilus-Capsules/dp/B0013OUK3E

Read reviews and search Google for more info first. I like that it's all natural and won't cause any wonky side effects.

EDIT: they're selling 120 for 50 bucks and if you only take as needed it will last a long time. I use it to "reset" my healthy Flora and it usually sustains itself until I make another change and my body rebels against me

Install some additional security on your door- yes, it means you waking up to engage them- but I bet you'll sleep better once she leaves:
http://smile.amazon.com/Master-Lock-265DCCSEN-Dual-Function-Security/dp/B0002YUX8I/ref=pd_sim_60_2?ie=UTF8&dpID=216GN31N30L&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR160%2C160_&refRID=1VSSFQFMC79GCKCS8HN4

I don't have much to offer except recommending the book Curly Girl: The Handbook.

It's a absolutely fantastic book on caring for curly hair.

Oh, this horribly embarrassing but great book: What's Happening to My Body?

or you can use d-mannose. this stuff is a godsend. you can just take it in pill form and its completely safe.

I was given the old version of What's Happening to my Body Book for Girls. It is very long and very clinical and I read the SHIT out of that thing. I plan on giving my daughter an updated version. Some of the info on AIDS etc is outdated now so it wouldn't be right to give my copy to her, though I still own it.

The book he wrote specifically for parents to teach their children is amazing. It really helped my 6 year old know exactly what to do and whom to go to when she got separated from us at a county fair.

To add to this, there's a wonderful book about attachment:

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love by Amir Levine et al.

ISBN-10: 1585429139

ISBN-13: 978-1585429134

Paperback

Kindle

Agree 100%, he also has a book Protecting the Gift for parents and teens that I recommend as much as the first if you have kids or younger family.

Gavin de Becker's books The Gift of Fear and Protecting the Gift offer excellent insights on this topic. Despite the book titles, I've found I live with less fear by employing some of the authors tactics.

This is what they gave my kid, and I think it's a good book, no pejorative, information that is up to day, starts with the basics. Don't be ashamed because you are learning a little late - you are learning facts, and that's the most important thing.

https://www.amazon.com/Whats-Happening-Girls-Revised-Third/dp/1557047685

Did anyone else get this one?

My sister had the misfortune to be given it. I had The Care and Keeping of You.

Alrighty then...

I mean, that was cute? Amusing... maybe? But seriously, everyone poops

A book called "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" has lots of info on this. Even if you don't want to learn to track your ovulation, the book is readable and interesting just to know more about what's going on with your body.

http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407

You might like to think about what to do in the long run - this is a good place to start

I knew multiple people in my own life who had pregnancies despite use of birth control. Because of this I also was paranoid so I always used 2 methods of birth control for over a decade with my now husband. There are multiple options besides the pill - condoms, spermicide, even calendar method/NFP (varying levels of of this sex-timing method depending on how much effort/time you want to invest)

Would recommend this book, its very comprehensive.

Self made man by Norah Vincent

Is this the book? http://www.amazon.com/Deal-Whole-Approach-Your-Brain/dp/0671041576/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=undefined&sr=1-1&keywords=deal+with+it

This book changed my hair life:

[http://www.amazon.com/Curly-Girl-Handbook-Lorraine-Massey/dp/076115678X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1344290204&sr=1-1]

Everyone poops.

You should get her The Paper Bag Princess.

This book has helped me a lot with understanding these same issues in my own relationships.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0002YUX8I/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1500313282&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=security+door+stopper

Just BTW, Amazon links include all kinds of unnecessary crap, most of which can be omitted. You can cut it down to "/dp" and the ISBN, e.g.:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0818403128 ("What's Happening to Me?" An Illustrated Guide to Puberty)

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0818402539 (Where Did I Come From?)

Although leaving the title in can be useful

Finding women with similar net worth is ridiculously restrictive. And as any male already knows, the odds are already stacked against us, from a dating perspective, as a woman who spent a year dressed as a man will attest.

Self-Made Man: One Woman's Year Disguised as a Man By Norah Vincent which you can buy here in case anyone is looking for it.

Aww, some of these guys apparently missed Everyone Poops.

Birds do it, bees do it, little kids with bended knees do it... Even girls do it.

Yes, I spent a short time in therapy to deal with an emotionally abusive dad. It helped me really come to terms with the fact that bad people can be parents too. (That might sound like a silly realization but it really helped me, as I couldn't really grasp what I had done to deserve getting stuck with him as a father). A few books my therapist recommended helped too:

http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1396693883&sr=8-1&keywords=toxic+parents

http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1396693911&sr=8-2&keywords=toxic+parents

There's also /r/raisedbynarcissists, which might be a good place for you to talk to people who can understand what it's like to have an emotionally abusive parent.

Excellent job! I'm not sure if it was already mentioned, but I suggest EVERYONE (but especially women) read The Gift of Fear by Gavin deBecker. He's got chapters on a lot of things, but unwanted attention is something he goes into quite a bit. Truly an important book because it teaches us how to handle uncomfortable and potentially dangerous or irritating situations.

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https://smile.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Gavin-Becker-ebook/dp/B0036Z9U2A/ref=sr\_1\_1?keywords=gift+of+fear&qid=1555465465&s=books&sr=1-1

I'm not sure if your niece's first language is English, but I found this book to be very helpful as a young teen.

https://www.amazon.com/Deal-Whole-Approach-Your-Brain/dp/0671041576

I was way too embarrassed to ask questions of my parents about a lot of things. I would also have been too embarrassed to purchase period supplies so know that she may be embarrassed as well and you may have to buy them.

In the Company of Women: Indirect Aggression Among Women: Why We Hurt Each Other and How to Stop

Also was he literally yelling at you? Like raising his voice? I know some times people say yelling when they mean the person was just being a jerk.

But either way that's abusive.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572246901/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1504389244&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=stop+walking+on+eggshells&dpPl=1&dpID=419gffQNpnL&ref=plSrch

If physical tools of defense are not allowed, the only option for anyone, especially a physically small person, is mindset and awareness.

Learning how to talk to someone without escalating the situation is a valuable skill. Verbal Judo is a good book on the topic. ( A slightly different version - Verbal Judo )

Being able to recognize and process the sources of uneasiness and fear lets you react in a calm and planned manner instead of fear based panic. This is often enough to keep the potential Bad Thing^tm from happening at all. The Gift of Fear can help you recognize ways Bad People^tm try to manipulate 'nice' people into bad situations.

Asking for a lock isn't unreasonable. But is OP afraid of having her personal affects stolen or is she afraid of being attacked?

If she's afraid of attack, this is what she needs.

I second this. At one point I got a vaginal strep infection from a guy going down on me before he was showing symptoms of strep throat. Once the infection had run it's course I couldn't seem to get the smell or texture of my discharge to return to normal. I went back to the doctor several times to get tested for anything else and they told me I was normal. After getting fed up with no results I tried oral probiotics as a last resort. I was so skeptical I thought it was a waste of my money, but I had to be able to say I'd tried it before I moved on to something else. They made my vagina smell and feel AMAZING. It only took a few days and I noticed a difference in smell, texture, even some minor itchy irritation that I had just gotten used to went away. I was floored that taking a pill once a day could do so much for my poor vagina. The link is the brand I tried so I can't speak for other varieties, but holy shit if something so simple can fix her troubles why not try it?
http://www.amazon.com/Jarrow-Formulas-Fem-Dophilus-Capsules/dp/B0013OUK3E

Edit: forgot link -_-

TLDR: I highly recommend oral probiotics.

JUST SHIT ALREADY.

I really don't care if people realise I'm going for a pooh. Come on, didn't your parents ever get you that book, Everybody poops as a child?

This anxiety that people might realise that, zomg, you have to excrete waste materials really fucking annoys me cos it's just more people buying into the idea of "GIRLS DON'T FART OR POOP LOL LOL" when actually, we're just as gross as the next person. Putting women up on this pedestal and holding us to a standard which is so extreme that it comes to a point where we can't perform basic bodily functions without getting anxious is such a fucked up thing.

This book seriously changed my life.

So very informative, and not weird about being informative.

Also, if she has questions, answer them. Don't act like her period is some gross thing you don't want to talk about, or something you wouldn't know about because you're a guy.

I'm not assuming you would do this, just saying it sometimes seems to come across as a joke to some people but it's like.... every year a girl goes through it for the first time ever, ugh. lame.

periods suck.

Oh, I see. I'm glad to hear he's gotten better!

I'm sad to hear his insurance doesn't cover it. Makes me grateful to live in a country where we have more or less free health care...

I have a tip which won't cost a penny: Borrowing self-help books at the library and/or looking into some websites with suggestions on how to understand himself and rationalize anxiety disordes like OCD. As far as I've heard, there's a lot that can be done with just your own effort as well as with the support of a signifigcant other. Regrettably, I don't know any good books on the subject, but I imagine they'd easy to find (reading reviews on Amazon, for instance). The only book I know of which I have myself and which is quite good is "Feeling Good". It covers negative thoughts well as catastrophe thoughts, and has a lot of practical assignments. As far as I understand, OCD is an expression/a type of catastrophe anxiety ("I have to check the stove/plugs/wash my hands 123 times to get rid of bacteria ... Or else I will, in the worst case, die or at least end up badly damaged/see my loved ones suffer that fate").

I've realized that a lot of my own OCD/anxiety thoughts stem from my childhood, mostly both my mother and grandmother (who both suffer and suffered from sever anxiety) more or less brainwashing me into thinking that mostly everything is very dangerous. If your husband hasn't looked into his childhood for possible reasons for his OCD, I highly recommend it. I have another friend with severe OCD, and sadly, his treatments are mostly very short-term, seeing as the sessions mostly consist of him and the therapist touching the sink, the toilet etcetera to "prove" that it's not dangerous -- instead of discussing why he is so afraid of bacteria, and what he thinks will happen if he touches bacteria ("Catch HIV [and die]," he's told me himself), and what these fears are rooted in before learning how to rationalize them.

Incidentally, both my friend's mother and father are extreme worriers who will text him a lot when he's here ("Did you there all right? When are you coming home?" (This was when he lived at home, but he recently got his own place (He's 28). His parents live 5 minutes away, though, and visit him constantly...))

Sorry for the long rant, this (reasons for OCD and the treatment people get) is something that's been rattling in my mind forever, and I haven't had a chance to put my thought into words until now.