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^Thank ^you ^for ^the ^introduction, ^my ^lovely ^lady! ^<3

> And so it (hopefully) begins.

I'd say it has begun.

> At first I said to myself that it was simply something that porn had done to me, somehow twisted me if you will and I simply had to shake it off. Like it was an abnormality and that I simply needed to learn to appreciate and enjoy vanilla sex.

I've been there - well, not exactly there, but I understand about the escalation that comes with the vicious cycle of porn, masturbation, and orgasm addiction. However, as I recently attempted to explain to some poor young man on that crazy no-fap board, our sexual tastes and appetites are fluid, and it is perfectly possible to develop or realize a fetish through exposure to it. What may not be so possible is to stop having that fetish - it may be better to simply accept it, and attempt to engage in it safely, consensually, and so on.

Thankfully, you don't seem to have a problem currently with worrying about whether or not your fetishes are bad and if you should get rid of them or avoid them. Great! If you do develop such a thing, check back with us in /r/BDSMcommunity which is our main discussion subreddit. We'll do our best to reassure you (or tell you to seek help, if that's what seems necessary, of course).

Often, I recommend recently vanilla guys to read through BDSM for Nice Guys, especially if it seems like they are having problems pushing boundaries (usually in relation to impact play and pain). I'm pretty sure you also don't have that problem, so you probably could still get a few things from skimming it, though.

> Any games or stuff I can make her do?

Well, there are millions of different games and scenes we can play with each other. That's part of what makes BDSM so interesting - it is so very broad. The same people who wrote that BDSM for Nice Guys article have a nice selection of BDSM scenarios which should give you lots of ideas. You should definitely read that.

> Now the most important thing in that I saw in all of the posts I´ve read so far is communication. After the spilling of the beans by me we have done a lot of talking and she really wants to try this with me and explore further which is something that took me almost completely by surprise. She is now going on non-stop about ropes and cuffs and when I am going to buy them and what am I going to do and so on so forth. Which is fucking awesome. However I really want to do this properly and give her an epic experience.

This is great! As you already know we're all about communication, communication, communication, and when you're done with that, STILL MORE COMMUNICATION.

If you haven't already, you should spend some time going through mojo upgrade, a BDSM checklist, and/or exploring the human sex map together with google/urban dictionary for things you don't know about.

With my kitten the thing that worked best for her was us going through my human sex map, then exploring a blank one together answering all her questions, and finally with her synthesizing her own list. Very soon, we're most likely going to do it again, because as I said, these things are somewhat fluid and now that she is a bit more experienced, things may have changed. So keep that in mind for the future!

Basically, you need to figure out which kinds of activities interest and excite your partner (clearly she is interested in bondage with both ropes and handcuffs), which kinds of activities your partner is disinterested in (so far nothing mentioned), and which kinds of activities your partner absolutely does not want any part in (also unmentioned). You should also figure out these same things for yourself! The last bit is just as important as figuring out what she wants for your success as a happy couple where both parties needs are being met.

After you have a good overview of her likes, your likes, her dislikes, your dislikes, her limits, and your limits and have coupled this knowledge with some of those BDSM scenarios and such, you should be able to start planning scenes and sessions that meet everyone's needs, are fun, and most importantly safe. When planning scenes, it is best to share them with your partner, so they can have input and you can make any changes necessary to ensure it is a fun scene for you both.

> How for example would be best to do the first sessions, no toys/other stuff vs. lots of stuff?

The first few sessions you definitely want to try to focus on one thing at a time, for each new thing. So, for example, your first session may involve bondage. Here you'd try out some rope and some handcuffs and see how she felt, how confident you were in your technique, and so on and so forth. Next session might be impact play. The next one sensation play, and so on and so forth. After you have have some confidence and experience with a couple different techniques, then you should look to move them into a session together.

Go slow, because you can always add in more later, but it's hard to "take it back" once you have gone too far.

> She wants a collar to but I want to make her earn it, any tips on that?

Determine for yourself what condition it is for her to have earned it, and it's okay if that condition is simply a feeling or even something like, "three successful BDSM scenes" and now you're serious! Just be clear to talk to her about whether this is a play collar, permanent collar, or something more. I'm assuming from reading that it's planned to be a play collar, but it will be hers (thus why she must earn it). That's just great.

> And pretty much any noob friendly advice you have would be very very much appreciated.

For the love of god, choking and breathplay are edgeplay meaning they are highly dangerous. Make sure to do serious research and look at it as a serious action when/if you move onto engaging in breathplay (or any other form of edgeplay).

Also, BDSM is very broad and personal. The way you and your partner will do BSDM is different than the way me and my partner do BDSM and would be different from the way we'd all do BDSM if magically we swapped partners. There is no wrong way to do BDSM except for the way that is disregarding of consent or safety. You do not have to do anything that you don't want to do - punching and hard face slapping are limits of mine I won't pass with anyone, even the most hardcore masochist. Nothing is "normal" or "expected" except that we expect you and your partner are having lots of safe, kinky fun together!

Finally, I'll paste a few of my basic bondage stuff to get you started with the rope work.

Where to start with rope

You should get some 6mm - 8mm (which is equivalent to 1/4" and 3/8" respectively) diameter rope in either cotton, nylon, or hemp (jute is similar but more expensive). Cotton is the cheapest and easiest to get a hold of. You will want 15 feet to 30 feet lengths. Most people find shorter lengths are too short to do much with, and longer lengths are far too long to work with effectively. Besides, you can always join ropes together to extend them should you fall short.

You should get a rescue hook, safety shears, knife, or something else to be able to cut through ropes in an emergency. It's a good idea to test that it actually works too. You should also learn about anatomy and find where major nerves, blood vessels, and other fragile areas are which you should avoid wrapping or tightening on. Finally, you should practice on yourself and inanimate objects before you go tying anyone else up!

Bondage Basics

Please check out our bondage basics article in /r/BDSMfaq. It is very informative and will say much of what I say here.

Depending on what you are looking to get into, I would highly recommend the following books, in no particular order:

• Two Knotty Boys: Showing You the Ropes
  
• Two Knotty Boys: Back on the Ropes
  
• Bondage for Sex
  
• Shibari you can use
  
• Complete Shibari Volumes I and II
  
  For websites, you should most definitely check out Twisted Monk's video tutorials and the Two Knotty Boy's downloads. Rope specific subreddits include /r/shibari and /r/kinbaku.
  
  For general knot-tying information, I like animated knots by grog, and of course your favorite search engine. Learning the basic terms can help you a lot, and if you really get interested in knots and rigging in general there's always /r/knots and sailing related stuff.

Do it before she arrives. It is more difficult to set them yourself but once you have them in place you can hide the straps easy. And I don't recommend leaving the room, but I do recommend a blindfold. I've listed below some cheap starter equipment if you are looking for more tools to play with. Generally I will start slow and work up to something be it an orgasm, or paingasm and then start the cooldown.

So start slow, build up, climax of some sort, then aftercare. Remember the aftercare. Seriously, aftercare. I generally will take some virgin coconut oil and give my sub a massage after we play.

• Blindfold - Cheap version ($10 http://amzn.com/B001E7BPPW) Expensive nice version (http://amzn.com/B003CGJRNK)
  
• Cuffs - Neoprene with velcro ($14 http://amzn.com/B0052Z8UUK) are the easiest but alot of people like handcuffs ($10 http://amzn.com/B001D4XSYM) but the metal is really taxing on a sub. Leather ones are the best IMO but not cheap (http://amzn.com/B007W52ACW)
  
• Forced orgasms/orgasm denial - The hitachi magic wand is best for this ($47 http://amzn.com/B0089175GE). It's expensive but worth it. Plus you can buy attachment heads for it down the road.
  
• Rope play (Shibari) - You can grab some soft rope for bedroom play ($13 http://amzn.com/B002UV70DM) and visit twistedmonk.com for some instructional videos. For serious rope work you might want to invest in hemp ropes from twistedmonk and sissors for cutting free (http://amzn.com/B001D6YXIU)
  
• Sensation play - feathers ($7 http://amzn.com/B0026I02JI), tickling, pinwheels ($10 http://amzn.com/B000B7N1DA), ice (free, check your freezer)
  
• Spanking/slapping - Using a hand and staying in roughly the safe areas (ass, tits) till you know limits and interest levels
  
• Nipple clamps - Get some aligator nipple clamps that are adjustible so you can start out light and work your way up to harder ($10 http://amzn.com/B002JVWZSI). If you like you can add weights to them down the road
  
• Wax play - You will want to buy special paraffin candles that melt at lower temp for dripping melted wax on your partner ($10 per candle http://etsy.me/18Gwv7b)
  
• Floggers - You can make a call on this based on your experience with spanking ($40 and up http://flogmebaby.com/)
  
  These toys should give you a good baseline on what you like and what you don't. From there I would look around at places like stockroom.com or extremerestraints.com and find out what interests you. Stockroom.com has some of the best selection but is expensive.
  
  Best of luck.
  
  *Edit fixed some links

It's really good that you had an open conversation with him and know a bit about what he likes and what his current limits are. Your basically starting out a journey of mutual self-discovery so be ready to see those preferences and limits probably change as you experiment with each other. Although femdom porn videos can be useful for inspiration you definitely don't need any of those fancy items to start up, specially now that you are still discovering if it's something you like to do. Everyday household items are just as good. Your hand, a hair brush, a wooden spoon or a desk ruler are perfect for spanking. As for cock rings, use a ribbon or a soft rope, something that isn't too thin to not dig into his skin and most importantly, don't leave it for too long (not more than 10m/20min) and if it's too uncomfortable remove it or cut it out carefully with a round scissor.

Just remember to be patient and start slow. Be aware of each others limits and preferences, don't rush things and pay attention to each other's body language to understand if you are enjoying it or not. Above all communicate, use a safe word and have fun by not taking any of it too seriously.

In my opinion, "The Loving Dominant" (https://www.amazon.com/Loving-Dominant-John-Warren/dp/1890159727/188-7715791-1251046?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0) is a great book for reference on the subject. It helped me a lot.

Hope any of this helps, wish you both the best and hope you enjoy it! :) Good luck!

Silk rope is available on Amazon and other places, but it's not one of the more common materials used for bondage. (Read carefully to make sure it's actually silk and not 'silky something else'.)


Silk is very strong, stronger than hemp, and you will not be able to rip it. However, silk is soft enough that it will slide easily and your knots may slip off, which is why most riggers don't use it. It also degrades faster than most natural materials.


As beginners, you're not going to notice much difference in different rope materials other than softness versus roughness. A soft MFP rope might be just as good or better for your uses and easier to clean without much chance of skin reactions compared with natural fibers like hemp or jute. If you want it to feel more romantic and less 'hardcore', might I recommend something like this:
https://www.amazon.com/Sportsheets-Beginners-Silk-Bondage-Restraints/dp/B002LVV3UW


It's a sheet, not a rope. You roll it up where you want to make knots and use the unfolded sheet wide where you want to restrain the bottom's body, so it's much better for not putting pressure on joints and nerves accidentally. Very good for starting out, since it's very unlikely you'll make a knot you can't undo, but you should also pick up a pair of safety sheers to cut it just in case there's some sort of emergency.

A great read for newbies is SM:101 and if you are into the bondage aspect of it, knotty boys.

by no means the be all end all of bdsm books but a good place to start. SM101 is good because it teaches you the safety aspects of bdsm. A VERY important part of it. safety first and goood luck and happy playing!

When you see how much she enjoys it, hopefully your concerns will melt away. My husband was very similar. He was interested in bondage before we met but the thought of hitting someone without just cause made him uncomfortable. When he realised that I was enjoying being spanked, it quickly quelled any fears he had. And don't worry - he's not turned into a wife-beating maniac or a quick-tempered oaf who gets into fights in bars!

Basically - there's a HUGE difference between violence (domestic and otherwise) and safe, sane, consensual play between two adults.

As Deviant-designs said, having her take the lead at first is a great idea. This way you know what she's into and you know you're not going to cross a line.

Set up a safeword (or, if she's gagged, another way of being able to communicate 'I'm not happy with this, stop NOW' - e.g. a handkerchief she can wave or drop). That way you know you're not going to accidentally go too far.

Perhaps explore some BDSM related sites or books together. Communication is key - talk about what you find interesting / intriguing and what you find disconcerting.

Also, "Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns" is a great read - https://www.amazon.co.uk/d/cka/Screw-Roses-Send-Me-Thorns-Romance-Sadomasochism/0964596008 - and can really help beginners.

Good luck - and enjoy!

I highly recommend The New Bottoming Book to anyone interested in sadomasochism, bottoming or submission. It's a fantastic resource and explains things in a real, no-nonsense sort of way.

I haven't read it, but I've heard good things about SM 101 as well. :3

This is the perfect place to post your question, hope you find it useful and enjoy your stay. :3!

You have your work cut out for you. Here is my advice:

• Sit your husband down and have another talk (I know this hasn't gotten you what you wanted in the past, but I have some tips here) Sit him down and explain that 1. This NEEDS to change for you. and that 2. This NEEDS to change NOW. Tell him how much you love him, how committed you are to him, how you desperately want this to work out, but that he NEEDS to get on board with this for your mental, emotional and spiritual health.
  
  Hopefully he will be on board, it actually sounds like he was open to the idea, but he probably has no clue where to start or what to do and is afraid to ask. That's where step 2 comes in.
  
  
• Educate him about what you need you and what you want, be specific! (you may have done this before, but again, let's approach it a little bit differently this time). Present him with some materials. Have him read the importance of being GGG Good, Giving and Game I'd also suggest presenting him with these two books:
  A Dom's Guide To Submissive Training
  and
  The Ultimate Guide to Kink (By Tristan Taormino)
  
  Is he not much into reading? Then both of you should watch:
  
  Tristan Taormino's Rough Sex (if you're into rough sex)
  
  or
  
  Tristan Taormino's kinky sex for couple
  
  
• Step 3, put it into practice! Pick a date in the near future, go shopping for a paddle or some rope, either online or if you have a quality sex shop near you, go there. Ideally, if you have the time and money, go out that night maybe a weekend get-away with the plan for a romantic dinner, followed by some kinky role-play with the new toys.
  
  TLDR: Tell him you need this, show him exactly what you need. Give him the tools (mental, emotional, physical) to give you what you need. Set the date, and follow through.

The New Topping Book would be my first book recommendation. It's an awesome book, by two awesome (and feminist) authors. They have one aimed at bottoms as well.

Why not experiment with specific acts that you discuss beforehand until you're both comfortable that you know what the other is ok with, say some bondage or a spanking, and then discuss what you both liked (or didn't). I realize that's not as sexy as just giving someone free reign within your limits, but it allows him to get comfortable with each act, which will eventually lead to you two having built up the toolkit of fun, kinky things that you can start pulling out more easily and comfortably.

I got these, but honestly I don't love them. They do have the adjustment screw, but the tips on them are pretty small so getting a GOOD grip on the nipple and finding the right level of tension was a struggle. But then again I DID buy hella cheap ones so I wasn't expecting much. It looks like they make them in a couple different tip sizes/shape though so maybe you can shop around.

I've since picked up the Japanese Clover Clamp style which I like and the tweezer style which she likes.

And yeah... I do a lot of shopping for stuff like this on Amazon. There are probably better resources, but I loves me some Amazon Prime.

I don't know if this particular work would be appropriate for your relationship dynamic but my pet has enjoyed Where I am Led Quite a bit (And will finish it soon, yay!). It is a year's worth of weekly written responses and projects.

My favorite types of homework tasks to assign are research tasks. For example: learning massage techniques, studying a foreign culture and language, reading an assigned book, or developing an existing skill. I think by choosing these not only does my pet enjoy performing a task for me but it also enriches her personally as well.

P.S. You don't have to stick to serious tasks either. Me and my pet both play Magic: The Gathering and last month I assigned a deck list and made her give a detailed analysis of each card in the deck list and how the deck worked together, then write a strategy for play guide for a person new to the deck.

There's a lot there. I would start by watching some YouTube videos. There are also two books you should grab

Bondage For Sex [Paperback] [2006] (Author) Chanta Rose https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00E7HP4MQ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_U5ADCbCD0KB3A

And

Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes: A Step-by-Step, Illustrated Guide for Tying Sensual and Decorative Rope Bondage https://www.amazon.com/dp/B008D30TWA/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_47ADCbQWPMAE5

Learn the single and double column ties and a simple square knot and you can do a lot. The most important thing is learning how to tie knots that don't get tighter.

As far as rope types, I like linen jute. This stuff is really nice.

PGNROPE 100% Natural Linen... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07F5G4XML?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

Types really come down to personal preference and purpose. Also get some medical scissors in case you need to get the rope off in a hurry.

Maybe most importantly, you need a sub who likes letting you practice. Good luck and have fun.

Douglas Kent's "Complete Shibari", book one. It's part of a series.

The book gets lots of flack from some people for using only femme presenting, traditionally attractive models. But if you're logical like I am, and work best from clear pictures, it's got a lot of value. Definitely try to get a peek inside before purchasing.

Also, I forgot to say, YMMV, IANAL, nor an expert. I'm just getting into this myself. But in any relationship, communication is the key. Let it break down, and everything's fucked.

Also, my friend just lent me a copy of Screw the Roses, Give me the Thorns, which is I think a pretty well regarded BDSM manual/overview. You might want to check it out if you can.

Same friend highly recommended The New Bottoming Book Which I haven't started yet, but seems quite interesting. Supposed to be a good read to help you get in the right mindset to sub, or to understand the mindset of your sub as a dom.

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns is a really great book. It's really informative as well as entertaining, with a fun conversational style. I highly recommend it.

Nice karada, the world always needs more riggers. Says I. You can weave the rest up the back (if you bend that way, I'm always slinging string with a rope bunny), or wrap it into a hip harness, or if you twist two ropes around each other while twisting each rope in the opposite direction it'll hold the shape. Then a knot in the end and you have a pretty leash! 2KB do some very good rope books (http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/193116049X).

PS. Definitely worth investing in EMT shears if you haven't already.

Take a look at this book from Amazon http://www.amazon.com/Loving-Dominant-John-Warren/dp/1890159727/ - and be sure to check out the books in the "Frequently Bought Together?" portion. It's less than $50.00 total and I am sure they will all help both of you down this beautiful path. SM 101 and Screw the Roses are pretty much required reading. =)

Some resources:
"The New Topping Book"
"Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns"

I also have a site BDSMGeek on which I have a bunch more links in a BDSM Resource Collection.

Cheers and good luck.

hese should help you with some questions/issues/concerns etc

bdsm for nice guys: http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdniceguy.html

http://www.amazon.com/Loving-Dominant-John-Warren/dp/1890159727 all three books commonly bought in the wishlist starter websites and youtube channels,

http://xa.yimg.com/kq/groups/21214343/1390917102/name/BDS M+Checklist.pdf

http://sexionnaire.com/

http://www.mojoupgrade.com/registration?type=same

http://www.cepemo.com/checklist.html

http://www.youtube.com/user/subguide

http://www.youtube.com/user/bdsmgeny/videos?fl.ow=grid&view=0

bottom of the page: http://www.youtube.com/user/ladymal651/videos?flow=grid&view=0 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8uuxNRiJk0

they really helped me get a better scope and understanding of the different elements and aspects of bdsm

Get one of these: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B001TJ6MWQ?pc_redir=1407651856&robot_redir=1

Seriously the best improvement for the wand. Also what I like to do is tell my sub that she cannot come without asking my permission using an exact sentence and then I put her on the edge for as long as I think she can take it before I tell her to come.

If you are interested in things other than those sexually focused, here is a well done workbook to help develop a service mindset.

honestly id rather someone advocate toilet paper bondage than silk sash restraints as a beginner's bondage kit..http://www.amazon.com/Sportsheets-Beginners-Silk-Bondage-Restraints/dp/B002LVV3UW..... silk is self locking and becomes even harder to untie after it gets damp..... at least the vanilla kid wont get themselves into trouble with toilet paper, its like giving kids those markers that only work on certain papers lol

OP, it is my opinion that /u/theeemaster made some serious leaps, and I completely disagree with what he said. He was extremely pessimistic from the beginning, and I don't think it'd be wise to listen to him. Where one person would say "you can't have your cake and eat it too," another person would say "relationships are all about compromise, and finding common ground."

And frankly, if I were you I'd be pissed that this arrogant little shit is making sweeping judgments about your entire relationship from a half-page essay about one specific problem you're having. He called your partner shit! He called you shit! He accused you of not having been honest about your kink when it's clear from your post that you were, and that it was a misunderstanding! Don't listen to this guy OP, cynicism like that is toxic to relationships.




It sounds like your partner made a distinction between your physical need for sexual gratification and your emotional need for bdsm. She was cool with you getting your rocks off with someone else as long as that's all it was, but once she realized it was this deeply personal thing she wanted you to stop. But she didn't just shut you down, she asked you to get her more information. This suggests to me that she doesn't just recognize the importance of your needs, but that your needs are important to her, she just doesn't really understand them. That's huge because plenty of couples, even vanilla ones, have dissatisfying sex lives because they don't communicate and aren't willing to try new things. So don't go taking that for granted.

The is where /u/theeemaster fucks up again. The one potential solution he offers is lazy as hell too. Watch some fuckin' movies and see if she gets excited? What are we, 19?

Your partner is probably intimidated by this. She asked you to get her some information, so get it for her! Meet her halfway! That's what relationships are about! Get her The New Bottoming Book or something.

Talk about your kinks honestly. Explain why you want what you want. Encourage her to explore hers, be attentive and be accepting, and see if there are some activities you can both enjoy. If you really want to make this thing work, see a sex therapist. And yeah, there's a chance you won't be able to make it work, but there's a chance you will, and you have to really try or you'll never know. Don't lose love over being lazy.

But the first thing you need to do is xpost this to /r/BDSMcommunity. That's the big discussion sub and they're fantastic. /r/bdsm is a picture board, whether the mods want to admit it or not, and most of the people you find here are just here to jerk off.

Reading:
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns
The New Topping Book
SM 101 by Jay Wiseman
SlaveCraft

Those are some good ones to start with. Once you hit Amazon related titles will be listed below. :)

These books are not great, but they have a few useful ties:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B008D30TWA/ref=kinw_myk_ro_title

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004L622UK/ref=kinw_myk_ro_title

Loading them onto a tablet and paging through was good enough to learn while tying the girl.

Two Knotty Boys

There used to be more of their vids but here's what's left on Youtube...

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3D1EDFA74976556F

They also have a great couple of guidebooks too:


https://www.amazon.com/Knotty-Showing-Ropes-Step-Step-ebook/dp/B008D30TWA/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1505623098&sr=8-3&keywords=two+knotty+boys


https://www.amazon.com/Two-Knotty-Boys-Ropes-Paperback/dp/B01FOD7KE6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1505623098&sr=8-1&keywords=two+knotty+boys

I highly recommend The Loving Dominant - John Warren. I got it for my husband to introduce him to the more psychological aspect behind BDSM.

There are a ton of infographics. I think bdsmgeek(.tumblr.com) has links to a good number of them. Honestly, you should just get either Lee's book or Doug's book

You can also read some books. I like "Screw the Roses, send me the thorns", as a good beginners and medium resource.

https://www.amazon.com/Screw-Roses-Send-Thorns-Sadomasochism/dp/0964596008

The author is very experienced, and can explain things well.

I bought the same exact set from Amazon for 28 dollars instead of the 60 on that site. They work great.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000VHH5DW/ref=oh_details_o04_s00_i00

An excellent book that helped me and my first sub:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0964596008?pc_redir=1406880968&robot_redir=1

This is what i use, it is perfect. http://www.amazon.com/Sportsheets-Under-Bed-Restraint-System/dp/B000VHH5DW

Edit. Just pick a safeword. You need one.

• Dictate what you want him to wear to bed.
  
• Get creative with clothespins
  
• Invest in this Under the bed restraint system
  
• Actually ask him if there is anything he wants to try. BDSM is all about communication. Show him this post.

Two Knotty Boys Showing You The Ropes

shibari you can use

Here is a couple of reference book that I found really useful also, those 2 authors have a couple of additional books out also.

It seems more like the roles are muddled. There's always a balance of giving and receiving, and those balances depend on what the individuals find fulfilling. It's totally possible for someone to be a "Service Top", for example, though not as common as a "Service Bottom". I think you're bothered because things seem off-balance.

Three books come to mind, these really helped provide me with language and insight to the roles:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Topping-Book-Dossie-Easton/dp/1890159360

http://www.amazon.com/The-Bottoming-Book-Janet-Hardy/dp/1890159352

http://www.amazon.com/When-Someone-You-Love-Kinky-ebook/dp/B005HZ6FH0

This is what I use to control the speed of my Hitachi. It works very well in my opinion.

Here's a bunch of other knots if you couldn't find them from those links: Clicky

I'd also suggest the book - I think most of the knots are covered in those videos, but I find the book easier. No need to pause and go back when you have all the pictures laid out and descriptions written out.

These are always better I find. It's an x harness that goes under the bed. That towel rack, if in drywall will just rip out when things get heated. If you want to spend less get heavy duty d-rings with hangers... you can get em for a couple bucks and bolt them to the corners of your bed frame. GLHF

• Ultimate Guide to Kink - Tristan Taormino
  
• SM101 - Jay Wiseman

You're looking for SM 101 by Jay Wiseman

I assume Wildatheart is talking about http://www.amazon.com/SM-101-A-Realistic-Introduction/dp/0963976389

You forgot the : in your link. this is the working link http://www.amazon.com/Vibratex-Mystic-Wand-Hand-Held-Massager/dp/B0030FXMT8

Link dump!

Threads:
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Instructionals: Two Knotty Boys,
Twisted Monk.

Books: Showing you the Ropes,
Back On the Ropes, Complete Shibari,
Erotic Bondage Handbook.

Must Know Knots: One Comlun Tie,
Two Column Tie.

Reading up on it a lot is a good way to do it. Pay attention to the parts that talk about nerve damage. Going to classes is good. And perhaps, just thinking about the failure modes as you are tying. Such as, if I rig her like this and she fell over or I tripped and fell on her, what would happen to her arms?

Recommendations that the Top always have a cutting tool within reach when you are around rope. Scissors are a common safety tool, but some dungeons require something like a gerber easy zip My practice is to carry one whenever I am around people who are rigging. I keep it on my belt in the middle of my back so I can reach it with either hand. I never know if one of my hands may be occupied supporting the bottom if the rigging fails. And I never know when there could be an accident and the rigger may have accidentally left his tool in a bag across the room.

I have never had it happen to me, but I have heard about an experienced rigger who had a suspension fail, and had to use both hands to keep his bottom from choking. The people standing around him did not have safety tools and had to scramble to locate one.

Really? I had one girlfriend who HATED hers - was not strong enough, was just awkward to hold something that huge.

For the belts I've seen, it seems they all take Hitachi-like "wands."

Is there an alternative to this belt-and-wand system?

Is there an alternative to a Hitachi wand?

We were considering this:
Belt:
http://smile.amazon.com/dp/B007FY06A8/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_ttl?_encoding=UTF8&colid=17B8HN3EUOONY&coliid=I39SPKPHEBTSTO

Wand:
http://smile.amazon.com/dp/B0089175GE/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_ttl?_encoding=UTF8&colid=17B8HN3EUOONY&coliid=I3TGANLDNQAIW&psc=1

This has stood up to almost 3 years of serious abuse. And it doesn't plug in--takes AA batteries. If you buy the special ones (I forget what they're called; our local sex toy store sells them) it'll last forever on one set of batteries.

:D

EDIT: fail linking.