(Part 3) Top products from r/breakingmom

I cannot recommend marriage counseling enough. Both my husband and I emotionally cheated. He told his ex that he loved her, vented to her when we had fights, and went to her house to talk. I started talking to my kind-of ex (never had a real relationship but we definitely had feelings... he was going through a divorce and decided to give his marriage one last try, and then I got back together with my boyfriend and then we got married) out of spite and we went back to being friends that used to talk and laugh all day long over chat. We never talked about feelings for each other or did anything physical, but I definitely had the emotional connection with him that was missing with my husband.

The worst part was this happened after we started marriage counseling. I already felt like he was too chatty and friendly with his ex when marriage counseling started. It was week after week of rough sessions. We had a lot of baggage to get through. And there were times when we would leave and I would question if we would ever be okay again.

But here we are over a year later, coming up on a year and a half, of when I cut off all communication with him. The thing with my kind-of ex was, we had this chemistry and we talked and laughed constantly, and it had been a long time since it felt like my husband enjoyed my company like that. That sucks. So focus on trying to re-establish that connection. You married your husband because he is the love of your life. He is the one you should want to talk to all day. He's the one you should want to make laugh. He's the ONLY person you should miss if you were apart for days or weeks at a time. If you find yourself missing another man like that, you two are too close and it needs to end. That was my wake-up call... realizing I would miss talking to him every day. And realizing I wanted to talk to him more than I wanted to talk to my husband. Because I would share things like memes or stuff on Reddit/Imgur with my husband and he wouldn't laugh or respond much to it and seemed bored with me a lot, but this other guy would laugh and let it spark a 20 minute conversation. My husband didn't want to engage in those conversations with me. And there were plenty of things I was the same with... just not interested in creating a conversation out of a topic.

Now we're to the point that even though I'm not a gamer and I have never played Metroid, I can watch my husband speedrun the game and ask him questions about it, or listen to him explain strategies, or sit by him and watch someone else stream the game, and I enjoy the conversations and I enjoy that he wants to share it with me. While it may not be an interest of mine, I recognize that it's something that helps him decompress after a rough day at work and it's a challenge he enjoys, and that's enough for me to try and engage in those conversations.

Our marriage counselor used a lot of methods by John Gottman. Gottman has done some really cool research on marriages and I love reading content from them. There was an article on the marriage retreats they do... and this paraphrasing will probably be awful but I'll try my best. So these couples would come to a marriage retreat. Let's say you have one healthy couple and one struggling couple. The husband might point to a pretty bird in a tree or something, and in the healthy couple, the wife would engage and look for the bird, acknowledge it, and discuss it. In the unhealthy couple, the wife wouldn't look up and would just act bored with him and dismiss his interest. THAT was a huge area we were struggling in, and THAT is why I think we both emotionally cheated. Things have been much better since we actively try to engage in each other's interests more.

I highly recommend Gottman's stuff.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553447718/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_ShEKzbPDTBDZD

Also check out The Gottman Institute. I think they have a Facebook page with that name.

I’m sorry love; it totally sucks to be alone. I don’t even live in a foreign country and I have only made one “friend” in the last 14 years of living where I am (not where I’m from). And she turned out to be a mistake. I have really gotten more out of this Reddit alone than I thought was possible; I don’t know where any of you ladies live, but we all hold each other up when shit goes down and virtually high five each other when it goes right. Yes, I would love to have physical friends, and DH has suggested I try to find a knitting group or book club at the library or whatnot to potentially make a friend in person.

TBH, i never had to make friends before - I was born and grew up in the same place, had best buddies since kindergarten, etc. so making new friends is odd for me. It’s like I instantly want to be someone’s BFF, but I know that’s bizarre. So, I’m embracing all the ladies on here right now. If I get in-person friends, that’s awesome too. But I’m so so SO thankful I found this subreddit and all the awesome ladies here.

Don’t know where you are, but perhaps there is a military base nearby? Tons of families from all over, dropped in a foreign country too. Additionally, you could download Duolingo or a similar app and learn the language! If you decide to go that route, consider reading Fluent Forever — it’s an amazing book. I actually have a digital copy I can send you if you Wamt; just PM me.

It's more about connecting - walking and connecting. Talking and bonding. Marriage takes work. Sadly, no one can hide behind kids and expect a relationship to work. You both have to be up for it too.

I strongly encourage you to checkout out John Gottman's "7 principals of successful marriage" (or some title similar. I'm on mobile but that book is popular and amazing and worth reading even if it's 20 years old) "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" If you check on www.overdrive.com your library may let you check out a digital copy of it, which is how I read it - hunched over my phone while my kid crawled all over me.

They studied marriages of all kinds and his group truly gets what makes a marriage work. I read it. Husband read it. We discussed. It helped soooooo much!

Most of all - you don't have to be alone or hide. You can be open and trust someone to help you. You can let him have that opportunity and hopefully he's the type who will take advantage of your openness and respond in kind.

How do you want your marriage to look if it were perfect? What are you willing to do to get from here to there?

my almost 4 year old had his first accident today. he's been in undies during the day for about a month, maybe a little longer. he's also ASD, high functioning/level I whatever term is PC this month, biggest challenge is language and communication.

2 things made a HUGE difference when we got serious about starting to potty train. Daniel Tiger and Elmo.

if you're kid watches either, they both have potty episodes or segments, there's even a game for the tablet with Daniel Tiger specifically for the potty.

we got this book and this one ( this one was his favorite) as well as this coloring and activity book we tried the chart with stickers, but it didn't really make that big of an impact, but he liked coloring and I think just seeing the characters and potty activities helped.

the other thing that helped was day care. over the summer we had him in day care half a day 2 days a week, just to keep up the social piece he was missing with no school. they sat them about every hour, he saw other kids going, and I think that made a big difference in his desire to WANT to use the potty.

we didn't do rewards, just lots of praise and clapping, making a big deal, sometimes we'd offer watching a show or other preferred activity. it worked. he script, so a lot of his communication is in the form of repeating shows or movies or songs. so we'd hear him script Daniel tiger's potty song, and we took that as our queue to get him to the potty.

he's getting better about going independently, but we still have a long way to go. and he still needs help with clothes.


my biggest advice is to not rush, which it doesn't sound like you're doing, I think us waiting until he was ready made all the difference.


good luck mama! keep us posted!

I just finished reading this book: http://www.amazon.com/Everyday-Parenting-Toolkit-Step-Step/dp/0544227824

The guy is a psychologist who runs the Yale Parenting Center and he writes about evidence-based approaches to fixing problematic behaviors. His basic point is that punishment doesn't actually work. Like it might work in the short term (yell at the kid, kid does what you want), but it doesn't stop the behavior from repeating. And if you do punish, anything more than a day or two of grounding a kid doesn't work at all and can in fact make things worse. His advice really goes against a lot of what we tend to think works. I've found it really eye-opening. It doesn't help you in the short term but it might be worth checking out!

Edit: I should have included what he says does work, which basically boils down to praising the shit out of the kid when he does something right. So like he listens 10% of the time? "Yes, thanks for doing what I asked, I really appreciate it, give me a hug," or just whatever works for your kid. Toddlers respond well to tons of over-the-top praise, teenagers tend to hate it, so you know what your kid likes. Rewards charts can work too. In general, reward good behavior and you'll tend to see more of it.

I don't know much about console gaming but there's also the Switch Lite for $199 on Amazon. Apparently there's some games that you can't play on that one so I'd check, and there aren't detatchable joycons, but if $100 is the difference and you wanted to technically "keep" your gift that might also an option.

He should have talked to you before making such a big purchase but I wouldn't return it and lie about it either. Eventually he will start wondering where the Switch is and asking you about it. If you think returning it is the best option, sit down and talk with him about it. Maybe you can plan so that you can return the switch but set aside money each month as a purchase towards the Switch until you can purchase it guilt-free. Good luck!

I could not convince my son (now six, but this went down when he was four) that girls had something called a vagina and did not pee out of their very long bums! Since he has a little sister, he has asked how babies get out (and was totally grossed out) but not how they actually get in, although he does know that a man and a woman make a baby together.

Anyway, as much as I want to be that parent who has no problem discussing this stuff with my kids, neither me nor my husband are particularly comfortable with it, and so books have become my friend. I like this one: http://www.amazon.com/Amazing-You-Getting-Smart-Private/dp/0142410586, because it explains why male and female bodies are different, but does not get into the whole intercourse thing. I am pregnant with number three and expecting some more questions, and so I plan on getting a few books that explain intercourse.

Also, I have found this book really helpful in working my way through sexual development and simply being more comfortable with what is happening and what is going to happen. I highly recommend it!

http://www.amazon.com/Everything-Never-Wanted-About-Afraid/dp/1400051282/ref=sr_1_fkmr3_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1425408023&sr=1-2-fkmr3&keywords=questions+you+never+wanted+your+kids+to+ask+about+sex

Sorry I can't make pretty links.

I have the same fear. I don't really have any advice or anything to offer other than that you are her strongest female role model. I was gifted a really great book about the princess phenomenon by my MIL though (she's a pretty hard core feminist) it's called Cinderella Ate My Daughter . It's really entertaining and full of all sorts of useless trivia (like the pink was originally considered a boy's color because it was a washed out red, like blood, and blue was worn by girls because it was more peaceful, etc.)

Well the Spot lift-the-flap books are popular with all the toddlers, apparently. And this book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0692559957/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_Zr1pDbQKV9RC2 was one that my boy was always interested in, plus it models everyday activities.

Toys that has "steps" or cause-and-effect are the kind I see a lot. You know, you press a button or turn a key then it does a thing. My kid likes the toy mailbox and the various different Fisher Price style house/ boat / barn. The kind that has doors that open and close and buttons that do things. Then we talk about opening doors and closing them, inside/outside, top/ bottom, etc. Although the kid tends to take every available figurine and tries to lock them in the trunk. 🤷‍♀️

Edit: oops, meant to reply to comment. Oh well.

Jerry Seinfeld's wife has a whole cookbook devoted to hiding vegetables in her kids' food. I haven't tried any of the recipes in Deceptively Delicious, but they might work for you.

I also find that kids who get involved in growing their own food, and preparing simple dishes often are more willing to eat those things. So if you have access to a garden plot, it might be helpful to plant a small garden with your child. And getting her to start making meals with you probably isn't a bad idea.

Good luck.

get the 360 cup thing maybe without the handles? But it helps them learn how to drink from a real cup without the ability to waterboard themselves by tipping the cup too far and having it all rush out at once. This is the cup we started my son on and he loves it (at 7 months) and can already drink water from a regular cup, although it's still messy. Edit to say I am an asshole and didn't see the last paragraph about how you finally decided on one. Glad you were able to find one you like and hit the order button!

You should check out https://www.preciouslittlesleep.com/. Read through the articles there. Then, if you need to, you can join the Facebook group and ask questions. They're super helpful. It's pro-sleep training, but honestly, it sounds like you're at that point. The real goal of sleep learning is that the baby learns to put himself to sleep independently, without boob/rocking/walking/etc., so that when he DOES wake up in the middle of the night, he can go back to sleep easily if he's not wet/hungry/sick. There will be crying, but it sounds like he's crying now, AND not getting the sleep he needs, so it will be an improvement! You and your SO really need to be on the same page with this, or it won't work. But if you're doing the heavy lifting right now (the walking, the boob, the naps during the day) then in my opinion, it's your decision. You'll most likely have a week or less of crying, and then magical sleep.

You may also want to read the Ferber book, and for extra credit, the Weissbluth book. They both explain the science behind sleep, which helped me tremendously. They also give lots of ideas for teaching your baby to sleep independently. We did the Ferber method around 6 months, and now I know that if he wakes up at night, he's wet or sick, and it doesn't happen often.

This book has been a family favorite for YEARS since one of my kids found it in the school library. We've worn out at least three hardcover copies at this point - I wonder if your daughter might like it, too. ❤

My son was a little older than yours when we did the method in Toilet Training in Less Than A Day but he was at a similar stage.

That book is no joke. I took off work on a Friday, we basically hung out in the bathroom doing their routine starting at 9am, and he was trained completely by noon. Not a single daytime accident since (and maybe only 2-3 nighttime over the course of a year.) It was written in the 70s/80s which is also entertaining (but very politically incorrect!)

I too have a lazy 11 month old who refuses to hold cups. It's not the cup, it's the kid. I just decided one day to stop holding them for him (like 2 weeks ago). I would put it up to his lips, he'd start drinking and I'd just start tipping it back down and put it on his tray in front of him. It only took a few meal times before he realized I wasn't going to hold it and if he wanted a drink he had to do it himself. Now I just put it on his tray and he takes it from there. Now, if she's not drinking from them at all make sure it's not too hard to drink from. My son has some that you have to bite the spout in just the right way to get the liquid to come out, and he does not do well with those. I got one of those spoutless cups and he can't figure it out to save his life. I finally tried to take a drink from it and I couldn't get the liquid out either. Straws are also beyond him. Just a simple sippy with no fancy spill-free mechanism and don't give in to holding it for her! Good luck!

I love my daddy because

Milliard Tri Folding Mattress with Washable Cover, Twin (75 inches x 38 inches x 4 inches) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DJ8HWBU/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_IIazDbF5SRS12

115 BUCKS TOTALLY WELL SPENT!

I have the full version and it is the best. I have been floor sleeping on it for 3 months and the usual back pain I deal with no longer exists. YMMV. It folds up so easy every morning and my 15 mo old sits on it to watch movies.

Thank you. I will look for it.

Is it this one or this one?

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DJ8HWBU/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_6PDKBb1C4ZM4A :)

Jo Frost's Toddler Rules is what we have at home. We have a 3 yo. Some approaches work, some don't. But we have a pretty stubborn kid that may be out of standard deviation.

When someone asks if you are breastfeeding tell them "that's a really personal subject for me and I'd rather not talk about it". There is no rule it reason that says you have to explain every detail. You can even outright lie if you want to. I didn't make enough either and tried the feed/bottle/pump routine. Lasted a couple of weeks before going a bit mad through sleep deprivation. My husband pointed out that it wasn't worth it if I was so miserable... Formula isn't evil, it's a back up plan and a fucking good one at that. Read this book to help you understand why we feel so guilty over our experiences with breastfeeding.

I think my daughter was four when our cat died suddenly. I bought her a book written by Mr Rogers and it helped both of us.

https://www.amazon.com/When-Pet-Dies-Fred-Rogers/dp/0698116666