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You can only play the hand you were dealt. You cant change that. The good news is that you can stop feeling sorry for yourself and start working on yourself. Change your mentality, read more (especially self help books...good ones as there is alot of trash out there), learn new things, pick up new hobbies, change yourself physically by hitting the gym, grooming yourself (if that's an issue), dress nicer (if you don't already), attain goals, set new goals....live for you and only you, man. Improve yourself. Stop comparing yourself to others. You will always fall short if you do that and quite frankly, other people are irrelevant when it comes to your life. If it is girls you want, there are "plenty of fish in the sea", this I am sure you've heard thousands of times, but although these girls all have different tastes/interests, they are, in general, not so much attracted to looks per se, but rather behavior and attitude. Girls of course are not opposed to a good looking guy, but good looks will only get you initial interest from them, but if a guy doesn't have a good personality, attitude, self esteem or confidence, then Brad Pitt himself would not be able to attract and keep women. You would be amazed how successful "unattractive" men can be. I'm sure you have seen it. Forget about women for now, work on you. Get your self esteem and confidence up. That should be the goal. How you negatively feel/view about yourself projects to people. It turns them off before you can even open your mouth. Good luck man!

Edit:
If you have a moment, check out the book "The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life" by Mark Manson. It's a great book and it will hit probably hit home in alot of areas. It (and others) helped me when I needed some help. Its a good read. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713?ref_=ams_ad_dp_asin_2

There are two books I recommend to everyone who is frustrated and/or saddened by the state of the world and has lost hope for a better future.

The first is The Better Angels of Our Nature by Stephen Pinker. It lays out how violence in human societies has been decreasing for centuries and is still declining.

Despite the prevalence of war and crime in our media, human beings are less likely to suffer violence today than at any point in our prior history. The west suffered an upswing in social violence from the 1970s -1990s, which has since been linked to lead levels, but violence in the west has been declining since the early 90s.

Put simply the world is a better place than most media coverage would have you believe and it's getting better year by year.

The second book I recomend is The Singularity is Near by Ray Kurzweil. It explains how technology has been improving at an accelerating rate.

Technological advances have already had major positive impacts on society, and those effects will become increasingly powerful over the next few decades. Artificial intelligence is already revolutionizing our economy. The average human life span is increasing every year. Advances in medicine are offering hope for previously untreatable diseases.

Basically, there is a lot of good tech coming which will significantly improve our quality of life, if we can just hang on long enough.

Between those two forces, decreasing violence and rapidly advancing technology, the future looks pretty bright for humanity. We just don't hear that message often, because doom-saying gets better ratings.

I don't know what disability you're struggling with but most people have some marketable skills, i.e. they aren't "worthless". Based on your post, you clearly have good writing/communicating skills. That's a rare and valuable trait. You could look into a career leveraging those skills (e.g. as a technical writer or transcriptionist) which your disability wouldn't interfere with to badly (or which an employer would be willing to accommodate).

As for being powerless to change the world, many people feel that way because most of us are fairly powerless on an individual level. We are all in the grip of powerful forces (social, political, historical, environmental, etc.) which exert far more influence over our lives than our own desires and dreams.

The books I recommended post convincing arguments that those forces have us on a positive trend line, so a little optimism is not unreasonable. We may just be dust on the wind, but the wind is blowing in the right direction. That means the best move may simply be to relax and enjoy the ride as best we can.

I've read most of your comments here and you sound exactly like the guys that get posted about in /r/niceguys. You seem entitled, shallow, and delusional, and you don't have much self awareness. The good news is that you're very young, and a lot of people didn't like who they were in high school and ended up 'blossoming' after high school, whether in college or work.

You need to think about this: if the majority of people, specifically girls, keep treating you and interacting with you a certain way repeatedly, there's got to be a reason for that, and it's most likely not them - it's you. YOU need to change. If you're overweight or too skinny, hit the gym. Not only will you look better, but you'll feel better about yourself, and you seem to need that because you don't sound too confident or sure of yourself.

You also need to be honest with yourself and truly analyze yourself and be vulnerable to identify what your personality traits are, which are good, and which need addressing. The end result of this is that you will be sure of yourself and be accepting of situations and not have a reason to make sad and pathetic posts like this (this is not an insult - but if you don't think this post is pathetic then it stresses my point about confidence and self awareness).

You need to get this book: Models: Attract Women Through Honesty. Even though the title of the book mentions attracting women, the main context is about what I mentioned above: being honest (with others and yourself) and being confident, and the process you need to go through to achieve that.

Lastly, you should save a copy of this post you made somewhere. Read it once every few months. When you finally read it and cringe really really hard after then you're starting to make some progress. Good luck.

Here's a good book too! Or two. Or four! No More Mister nice guy + The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck + You Are a Badass + Declutter your Mind

They all will apply to Men or Women and are full of great advice and insights! E books available for cheap too. Suppose you can pirate them if you don't have the funds :)

Much love, hit me up if you need some friendly advice! I have been through a lot and am only now seeking what I feel I deserve in life :D

This is over-simplified. For instance, one study measured the testosterone of people in various professions and you know which group had the most? Actors. The group most likely to contain more femme-presenting gay dudes. (If I can find this, I'll come back and link.)

People misinterpret the influence testosterone and estrogen have on us. Yes, they certainly have an effect, but the effects can't be put into such narrow boxes when it comes to preferences and personality (as opposed to physical effects which are easier to measure).

Confidence is a trait often associated with testosterone, for instance, and one can argue it takes confidence to openly express your desire for the taboo.

Edit: Couldn't find the exact study, but I highly recommend this book, which I believe references it - https://www.amazon.com/Heroes-Rogues-Lovers-Testosterone-Behavior/dp/0071357394/ref=sr_1_fkmr1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376755262&sr=8-1-fkmr1&keywords=james+dabs+testosterone

It isn't that teachers or parents are telling girls to put down the chemistry set and play with Barbie, but there are a lot of articles like this that show there is unconscious bias.

Parents also play a part in how girls interact wit their world and how they view themselves and their abilities. The book Cinderella Ate My Daughter should be handed to parents when the sonogram shows you're having a girl.

Also, confidence has a lot to do with whether or not a person gets into a science field. Girls, generally, do not have the confidence of boys in STEM fields - this is actually reflected in the linked article.

Furthermore, in STEM fields, Stanford found that just changing the name on a resume from Jennifer to John had an impact on how the applicant was perceived. Most notably..

> Over one hundred biologists, chemists, and physicists at academic institutions agreed to do so. Each scientist was randomly assigned to review either Jennifer or John's resume. The results were surprising—they show that the decision makers did not evaluate the resume purely on its merits. Despite having the exact same qualifications and experience as John, Jennifer was perceived as significantly less competent. As a result, Jenifer experienced a number of disadvantages that would have hindered her career advancement if she were a real applicant. Because they perceived the female candidate as less competent, the scientists in the study were less willing to mentor Jennifer or to hire her as a lab manager. They also recommended paying her a lower salary. Jennifer was offered, on average, $4,000 per year (13%) less than John.

Bah this sucks. Going though it as well and have been for about 2 years. Don't want to say get over it, or find a new girl, or whatever, because none of that shit works. You've got a long road ahead for sure, and a lot of work to do. And believe me it is WORK. I've been going to counselling recently due to just this issue, and my therapist recommended this book, which I just finished reading. It deals with these exact feelings, and it really opened my eyes. Instead of dying, try giving this a read first.


"We: Understanding the psycology of romantic love"


Its a good, easy read. It will give you something to do when you're lonely, and what the hell, you may get something out of it.

PM if you need to, and good luck!

Read 'Better Off' - it's an interesting look at someone who lived that way (in an Amish-type community) for eighteen months. I enjoyed it.

http://www.amazon.com/Better-Off-Flipping-Switch-Technology/dp/0060570040

If you aren't ready to talk to someone, you might like the book I Don't Want To Talk About It by Terrence Real Amazon link to book

It discusses EXACTLY what you've been through, and gives you an outside perspective, and is about making YOU better.

My dad wasn't an alcoholic, but my dad's dad was. And it's something my dad carried with him as an adult, and passed down to me.

You can get better. You can be better. You probably aren't thinking about much of a future right now, but you'll want to learn about hot to stop the cycle from being passed to your own son in the future.

If you don't have the money for the book PM me your details and I'll send you a copy.

I highly recommend reading a book called Models - Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson

In the book he covers different dishonest methods that men use to attract women for the wrong reasons, including the very same situation you find yourself in. If you want to stop doing this to women, start improving yourself so that you can eventually become the honest man you want to be in a relationship.

You're probably not fucked up. Good that you are acknowledging all these negative emotions. I recommend reading this book: https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339 it might do something for you. "Also the subtle art of not giving a f*ck" is recommended. Remember: "To desire more positive experieces is a negative experience while the acceptance of negative experiences is a positive experience." In my opinion you're right to leave try to get good custody rights with your child.

To be honest with you, it sounds like you are suffering from depression. You might want to seek counseling especially in a program that focuses on CBT. If you feel like that would be too much, a good book on it is "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burn". I know it sounds like a cheesy self-help book but it's a layman's guide to research driven therapy.

Get help before it hurts your life like it did mine.

Heard about this book and really want to read it. Seems like it fits nicely here

https://www.amazon.com/dp/150114331X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_DxGRCbWDC7T3Y

Try the one linked below. As the studies in the book cite, going through the CBT exercises have yielded results that match or surpass results for the individuals that are taking medication. Don't take an internet stranger's word for it though. Talk to your therapist and do some research.

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy https://www.amazon.com/dp/0380810336/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_lOjtzb2K0428C

I think it is a very normal thing for human beings to be fascinated by evil. But I would caution against staring into the abyss too long. May I suggest watching the excellent documentary March of the Penguins? Or perhaps the beautiful animation and story of Song of the Sea? Fill your head with some more wholesome stuff to balance out all the horror of the world.

Read this book, full of hard research that shows we are living through the most peaceful period in human history.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Better-Angels-Our-Nature/dp/0143122010/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1348249865&sr=8-1&keywords=steven+pinker

Door stopper is under $4. Better than a chair under the knob. Shepherd Hardware 9133 Heavy Duty Rubber Door Wedge, Brown https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00004YOHN/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_sQsRAbVDEY5WK

Oh, no, dude. You don’t have to be rich for a bidet. We have one.

Here, look:

https://smile.amazon.com/Luxe-Bidet-Neo-120-Non-Electric/dp/B00A0RHSJO/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1542242787&sr=8-3&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=bidet&dpPl=1&dpID=419LXSZM6YL&ref=plSrch

Here is a 4$ door wedge. If you really can’t afford it, please let me know and i will ship it to somewhere you can pick it up from

$35 solution.

https://www.amazon.com/Luxe-Bidet-Neo-120-Non-Electric/dp/B00A0RHSJO

are your parents married? what is their relationship like? and your wife same? you don't have to answer me, but it usually takes a lot of intentional psychological work to change significantly from some of the more basic patterns they had.

I read this book :
https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Talk-About-Overcoming/dp/0684835398

and did a lot of "co-dependence recovery". It has helped.

3 kids - 44 years old same job last 15 years

This stuff worked so so well. I tried everything for my cat and this is the only thing that worked. Just crush up the pills and the fleas start falling off within like 30 min!!

Capstar Fast-Acting Oral Flea Treatment for Cats, 6 Doses, 11.4 mg (2-25 lbs) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07Q1TKTP9/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_X6tZDbVXCGXSK

a book about this

Also, this book helped me immensly.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0062507109?pc_redir=1404658036&robot_redir=1

Here is the mobile version of your link

> have you tried therapy?

People tend to underestimate the power of sharing your deepest, darkest secrets with someone. It can be enormous amount of relief.

How the hell do you expect to solve your problems, when you can't even talk about them. A therapist can be great for that purpose.

P.S.: OP, read this book: http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

My advice is not to try to control it or hate yourself for it. We all have a "shadow" - the part(s) of us we can't or don't look it often. How we handle the shadow is critical. I recommend this book by Robert Bly. Don't try to suppress or shut down your shadow - that will only end badly for you and everyone you care about.

This book might really be able to help you, it has greatly helped me:

The Grief Recovery Handbook, 20th Anniversary Expanded Edition: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses including Health, Career, and Faith https://www.amazon.com/dp/0061686077/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_LKScBb0TZAQ6Y

He's invested himself into the Trauma Myth. Society implores him to feel dirty and deploreable. This is where most of the damage from childhood sexual experiences actually comes from.

www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0465022111/ref=redir_mdp_mobile/186-3555201-1903154

Sex doesn't ruin lives- society's reaction to the sex does. To avoid children being harmed severely by society's reaction to benign and mutually enjoyable adult-child sexual activity, pedophiles should not have sex with children.

More info on the subject (not that you'll bother to read it or anything):

Bauserman, Robert; Rind, Bruce (1997). "Psychological Correlates of Male Child and Adolescent Sexual Experiences with Adults: A Review of the Nonclinical Literature," Archives of Sexual Behavior, 26(2), 105-141.

>"Secondary consequences include reactions of others, such as parents and peers, to the sexual contacts. Feelings of guilt and shame regarding the sexual contacts, which are based on perceived violation of one’s own and others’ norms, are also addressed here.
Emotional responses of guilt were related to outcomes, with greater guilt associated with more negative responses, Haugaard and Emery (1989) and Okami (1991) both reported guilt feelings to be associated with negative evaluations of experiences. Stein et al. (1988), in their study of unwanted experience in a community sample, noted that feelings of guilt and shame were common. Risin and Koss (1987) reported that guilt feelings were more common in experiences involving fondling, which were also associated with more force and greater levels of other negative feelings. Finally, Sandfort (1984) reported that when the boys interviewed in his study were asked about negative aspects of their relationships, many cited concerns about possible negative reactions from others, such as parents, peers, and authorities.
The role of socialization in these reactions may be very important. Finkelhor (1979) and Fritz et al. (1981) both suggested that boys’ reactions may be more positive than those of girls because boys are socialized to regard sex in a more positive fashion, whereas girls receive more negative messages. Fritz et at. (1981) stated that although girls typically regarded their experiences as sexual violation, boys often regarded their experiences as sexual initiation.

>Clearly, feelings of guilt and shame and concerns about negative reactions from others are associated with negative responses to early sexual contacts with adults. These responses, however, are not inherent in the sexual contact per se but rather stem from social taboos and condemnation (cf. Constantine, 1981). To the extent that boys receive more positive messages regarding sexuality, they are less likely to experience these negative emotions and to react negatively to sexual contacts."

Plummer, Ken (1981). "The Paedophile's Progress: A View from Below," in Brian Taylor (ed.), Perspectives on Paedophilia, p. 227. London: Batsford.

>"Studies point to the experience being without trauma and frequently mutually pleasurable ... unless, and this is an important proviso, it is 'discovered' by the family or the community. When this happens, it appears that the child can become shocked by the engulfing anger and outrage of the adult."

Henry, J. (1997). "System intervention trauma to child sexual abuse victims following disclosure," Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 12(4), 499-512.

>"Results indicated that higher trauma scores, as measured by the Trauma Symptom Checklist, were related to an increased number of interviews, even when other aspects of the abuse such as seriousness were controlled for." (As cited in Investigation & Prosecution in Child Sexual Abuse)

Berliner, L., & Conte, J. R. (1995). "The effects of disclosure and intervention on sexually abused children," Child Abuse and Neglect, 19(3), 371-384.

>"Having contact with a greater number of professionals following disclosure was related to greater negative impact of the abuse." (As cited in Investigation & Prosecution in Child Sexual Abuse)

Sandfort, T. (1987). Boys on their contacts with men: A study of sexually expressed friendships, New York: Global Academic Publishers, 1987.

>"Great stress is placed in the literature upon the reaction of the child's environment if it comes to light that he has had sex with an adult. According to Weeks (1976) parental response is the single most important factor in determining what effect this will all have upon the child (See also Zeegers 1968, Van der Kwast 1975). Also if the discovery results in a court case this can turn the sexual contact into a negative experience." (Chapter 3)

>Storr, A. (1974). Sexual Deviation, Penguin, Harmondsworth, p.105.
"various authorities who have examined children who have been seduced have concluded that the emotional as opposed to the physical damage which is done to children is more the result of adult horror than of anything intrinsically dreadful in the sexual contact itself"

Jones, G. (1990). "The Study of Intergenerational Intimacy in North America: Beyond Politics and Pedophilia," Journal of Homosexuality, 20(1-2), pp. 275-295.

>"Such harm undoubtedly can occur, though a number of authors have pointed out that the trauma may be induced or exacerbated by strong reactions of parents, police,court officials and other adults when they discover that such an activity has taken place (Lempp, 1978; Mohr, 1968; Weeks, 1976)."

Forouzan, Elham, and Gijseghem, Hubert Van (2005). "Psychosocial Adjustment and Psychopathology of Men Sexually Abused During Childhood," International Journal of Offender Therapy and Comparative Criminology, 49(6), 626-651

>"However, it has also been reported that invasive interventions could be just as harmful as the absence of family and structured support to the victim’s development (Elwell & Ephross, 1987; Van Gijseghem, 1998)."

O'Carroll, Tom (2000). "Sexual Privacy for Paedophiles and Children: A Complementary Background Paper."

>"Regarding iatrogenic sources of harm, Prof Richard Green has written: "…research suggests that cases leading to official legal action -- rather than being dealt with informally -- produce more severe and lasting ill effects on children." Green cites several studies, the first American (Walters, 1975): "Most of the psychological damage, if any, stems not from the abuse but the interpretation of the abuse and the handling of the situation by parents, medical personnel, law enforcement and school officials, and social workers." An English study (Howard League Working Party, 1985), found: "The degree of lasting harm suffered by victims… seems to flow predominantly not from the sexual nature of the experience, but rather from other sources of shock associated with it, notably the use of violence or intimidation or the abuse of parental powers. The subsequent intervention of parents, or other authorities, in order to bring the offender to justice often seems to aggravate the damage caused by the offence itself." (Sexual Science and the Law, by Richard Green, Harvard, 1992)"

Kilpatrick, A. (1987). "Childhood sexual experiences: Problems and issues in studying long-range effects," The Journal of Sex Research, 23, 173-196.

>"A related issue with respect to the use of terms like "consequences" and "effects" is that these terms imply causal relationships between childhood sexual experiences and adult functioning. Such causal inferences are usually inappropriate given the retrospective and/or correlational nature of many of the studies. For example, there have been many reports that the social system's handling of incidents regarding sexual abuse of children caused as much or more harm as the sexual experience itself (Brunold, 1964; De Francis, 1969; Justice & Justice, 1979; Mann & Gaynor, 1980; Schultz, 1973; Summit & Kryso, 1978). Effects or consequences attributed to the sexual experience itself may have actually been caused by the way the experience was handled by the social system, or, for that matter, by any number of other factors."

The most recent is a book by Harvard PhD Susan Clancy called "The Trauma Myth", which pretty much claims the same thing- that sex is not inherently traumatic to children, and society's reaction to children having sex itself often causes severe harm.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Trauma-Myth-Children-Aftermath/dp/0465022111

>Kids don't know how to say no to an adult's request.

You must have never interacted with children ever. Try feeding them broccoli and you'll see just how obedient they are.

>Because somewhere, you know it's wrong.

There is nothing wrong about my love for little girls. I love them more than anything else in the world- everything about them is incredible and amazing, and nothing gives me more joy than spending time with them and making them happy. I have more than enough self-control to abstain from having sex with them, and there is no chance I will ever "lose control". The only thing wrong here is you and the repressive pseudo-religious superstition you espouse.