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I want to echo everyone here and reiterate that you have NOTHING to feel guilty about or apologize for. Even through his texts, it's clear this man was trying to manipulate you. He was (very probably) lying and trying to guilt you into doing things you were clearly uncomfortable with.


Most importantly, do NOT feel bad for not recognizing this. Horrible people like this man will intentionally pick out those who are too young/too inexperienced to recognize his filth. You listened to your gut and that makes you so impressively strong and brave! Good for you. Can't say that enough. Good for you!


Also forget anyone who says you acted like you were interested. You did not lead him on in ANY sense. Human decency does not imply sexual interest.


Last thing, you absolutely need to read a book called The Gift of Fear. I know you're incredibly busy with school and your job but this is the single greatest book every woman of our generation should read. My mom made me read it before I left for college and, as a naive, young, and sweet girl like yourself, it was life-changing. Please make time for this book.

Haha well there is actually an amazing guide called "The Whole Lesbian Sex Book" http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1573441996/ref=redir_mdp_mobile

Talks about every which way to please a woman. Very informative read.

So I started a summer job at an Amazon warehouse and shipped a book titled "Why Men Love Bitches" the other day. Apparently this shit goes both ways and people believe it enough to write and read books about it. So I'm not surprised if OP's creep saw a random video and was inspired.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I've had two stalkers, and I know how unsettling it is. Have you read The Gift of Fear? I highly recommend it, I found it to be full of good advice and it helped me contextualize my experiences.

I dated this guy, too. Or his astral twin or something.

It's called Borderline Personality Disorder. Everything is black or white. The one they love is an angel sent from heaven. And then, out of the blue, for no reason whatsoever, the one they love is suddenly a demon sent straight from hell. I'm glad you got away. Never engage him again.

http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901

Here, I haven't read it but I saw some MTV documentary like 15 years ago with this Mystery fuckwit in it.

I gave this advice to someone here the other day and I'll repeat it to you. You need to read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker. It is truly the most important book I've ever read. He goes over situations similar to this and how to interact with people who set off warning bells.

The biggest advice I can give you is to NOT respond to him for any reason. If he sends you 40 messages and then you respond thinking he'll go away, all you're teaching him is that it costs him 41 tries to get your attention.

I'm glad you contacted the mutual friends, but if you feel you can't trust them to understand how serious it is, unfriend them. He will manipulate people to get info.

Here is a link to the book: https://smile.amazon.com/Other-Survival-Signals-Protect-Violence/dp/0440508835/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1467951740&sr=8-1&keywords=gift+of+fear+by+gavin+debecker

Well, there is a cookbook for it...

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B077S3ZCXT/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_c7FLBbS6K2XHJ

There already is one though.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1481227041?pc_redir=1411371408&robot_redir=1

This book is all that I can think of!!! https://www.amazon.com/You-Novel-Caroline-Kepnes/dp/1476785600

I'm so sorry that this happened to you!

You got creeped on by this guy!

Someone had to make that reference.

The one from that Ben Bova book that I threw out immediately upon completing, or is there another telomeres guy?

You should play along and make him pay, then send him this

Most of us non creepy guys hate these creeps as well

Stop replying. No matter how many messages he sends you or how nasty they get, don't reply. Every time you respond you encourage him to keep coming at you with more. Even saying "I don't want to talk to you" is talking to him, and it's giving him the interaction he feeds off of. Cut him off and starve him. Document everything he sends you and file a report with the police. Also, find a copy of The Gift of Fear. It may help you.

Couldn't even get halfway through; reminded me too much of my abusive father.

When I was going through the first stages of cutting him out of my life, a friend gave me a book that I'd have been lost without. It's called "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft, and it really empowers abuse survivors by naming all the tactics abusers use. I felt so in the dark, unable to name exactly what it was he was doing that was so upsetting. The book lifted that darkness completely and gave me a lot of tools for processing my emotions. It helped me learn to feel safe again.

I hope you feel supported by friends and family right now.

+1. Replying likely wouldn't have worked. There's an interesting book that touches on this subject. It is called THE GIFT OF FEAR. It is kind of about stalkers but also talks about communication strategies for dealing with infatuated people. TL;DR: any response is bad. OP handled it by the book. At least this book: The Gift of Fear https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0036Z9U2A/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_rlyFyb4VDAJRP

I think bc we'll never actually know how many children he killed he doesn't often make it on the "Top 10 Lists" or whatever. I recently read a great book that had a bunch of interviews etc with him, and some of the horrific other letters he wrote besides the "famous" one.

After my mom left my dad she bought a book called, "If you can't live without me why aren't you dead yet?" It's a quasi-serious humorous book that deals with this sort of break-up.

https://www.amazon.com/Cant-Live-Without-Arent-Dead/dp/0802139507

For context: At one point during the divorce he wrote a program that would generate a new e-mail address every five minutes or so from a dozen or so domains he bought that would send random obscenity-laden rants to her work and personal e-mails. Suicide threats were made, children were forced to hear things they didn't want to hear, etc... etc... etc... -_-

He's trying to be cutesy but it's coming off way weird.

When I received these I would critique their form. (Helps that I'm published. Gives it that extra oomph.) I know you don't have time (hello, baby!) but if you felt like giving it a whirl, it's a fun exercise. Make it as dry and pedantic as possible. These type of people pride themselves on their writing skill and tearing that apart is going to give him pause when being "random" at others in the future. At the very least it will convince him to be more precise in how he uses this particular scattershot approach.

For example:

>>There I was, on the field of battle. With my cat in hand and one majestic arm raised to the sky, I said. This is my land, this is my home.

The response:
No, no, no. A comma splice in your first line is terrible creative writing form. While I understand you were attempting to grab attention, breaking rules in the first line sets the reader up to expect awful flow throughout the rest of your message. Furthermore, your setup is unclear. WHY are you on the field of battle? WHERE in the field of battle were you? WHY is there a battle raging in the first place? Also, while "field of battle" is an acceptable way to place setting, what KIND of battle is it? "Field of battle" is a rather generic phrase. I'd even go so far as to claim that it is trite. Poor writing. Fix.

You state that you have a cat in one hand and an arm upraised. While I personally understand that you are most likely going for a one-arm-up-kitty-in-opposite-hand snapshot this image is still unclear and undefined. For example, a lesser context-clue seeking reader might assume that you are wielding a cat. If so, you wouldn't have the opportunity to be propositioning me as you'd either have a handful of dead feline (disgusting) or your cat would be frantically attempting to claw/bite your hand/arm off for holding it aloft during a conflict previously described as a "battle". Likewise, WHAT makes your arm majestic? Am I, the reader, supposed to take it on faith that your arm is majestic? What constitutes majestic? Is it particularly glittery? Sweaty? Smooth-shaven and now covered in seeping cat scratches due to your irresponsible waving about of felines? This is unclear. Fix.

You lack proper grammatical structure for speech. You are missing quotation marks, have poorly placed commas, and have used a period where a comma is needed. Please go to Amazon and purchase this book (http://www.amazon.com/Grammar-Rules-Grades-High-Interest-Activities/dp/0887249752/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1409156541&sr=8-5&keywords=rules+of+grammar) which I believe you will find an acceptable primer in basic sentence structure. Unacceptable, providing that you are older than eight. Fix.

Why should it matter to me that this is your land or your home? This statement used as a greeting is a non sequitur and highly nonsensical in this particular setting. If a battle is raging around you then positioning yourself to be a larger target (holding up your arm, bringing attention to yourself by displaying an irate cat) would get you killed quite quickly. Furthermore, you've used another comma splice. Two in one paragraph is not poetic, it shows poor grasp of the English language. I am singularly unimpressed.

Overall grade for your first paragraph: F