(Part 2) Top products from r/daddit

It's a very exciting time for you right now. I don't know how far along the pregnancy is but also keep in mind the unthinkable can happen and it will be devastating. But that shouldn't keep you from enjoying this time. I did, but I always carried the fear of miscarriage and we didn't reveal to anyone but our parents (who we swore to secrecy) about our pregnancy until we completed the 1st trimester and were relatively safe from miscarriage.

Read a book or two on becoming a father. My favorite was this one (http://www.amazon.com/The-Expectant-Father-Dads---Be/dp/0789210770/ref=sr_1_15?ie=UTF8&qid=1377103525&sr=8-15&keywords=becoming+a+dad) and I passed it on to a friend and it was his favorite one too. You'll need to know what your wife/girlfriend is going through and what your role can be in supporting her and sharing in the planning of impending parenthood. Plus you need to know what you'll be going through too and what you need to be thinking about for your child's and your relationship's future.

Mom will be doing a lot of research and she'll want to share. Listen and get involved. Also, her first trimester is going to be fraught with exhaustion. When she says she's tired, she's really tired. Don't plan too many things and be understanding if she wants to back out at the last minute.

The second trimester will have her feeling great and that's a good time to go out and about looking on planning a nursery. If you end up painting for a nursery. use NO VOC paints.

But most importantly -- and you'll regret it if you don't do this -- go to Mom's ultrasounds because you'll want to hear you baby's heartbeat the first time she does. Don't be surprised if you tear up.

Good luck and enjoy!

I think it's pretty normal to have some anxiety, especially with your first kid. The first two weeks are the hardest. Just go into survival mode and concentrate on making sure everyone is fed and getting some sleep. Make sure you have a good diaper changing station so you can change diapers in your sleep. Trust yourself, your wife, and your kid to figure things out. Because you'll learn as you go and it will get easier.

There are a lot of resources out there too.

The best all around book I had was Caring for Your Baby and Young Child, 5th Edition: Birth to Age 5 by The American Academy of Pediatrics. It covers all the essentials and was written by pediatricians so the advice is solid. Looks like you can get it for $5 used from Amazon.

For me it was "The Missing Baby Manual."

Good luck. You'll do fine.

Get the following:

• Happiest Baby on the Block: great descriptions on swaddling, soothing, pacifier use, nursing, etc. A lifesaver for sure.
  
  
• What to Expect: The First Year: Tons of info about everything you didn't know to even ask. Bathing the baby, sleeping schedules, nursing/bottle feeding, etc. More of a "desk reference" type book, and actually a very good bathroom read.
  
  
• The Baby Sleep Solution: Not everyone is down with this type of book, but it really helped us get ourselves and our baby on a schedule, which is vital for parents to keep them SANE.
  
  When the pediatrician comes to check in on the baby while at the hospital, ask TONS of questions. They don't mind and it will make you feel better. That's what you're paying them for!!
  
  Finally, relax and enjoy. They are tougher than they look.

Oh see, I picked that up, and thought it was the cheesiest thing ever. There's some decent advice in there, but some of it just comes off as gimmicky. I mean "How to change your baby in a stadium," seriously? It's not a bad book, but I just felt it was lacking in information. If you're looking for a more light-hearted "ease yourself into baby books" kind of reading, then Be Prepared fits the bill. It was the first book I bought. I flipped through it, and relegated it to my "read after the baby is born" book pile.

I really liked [The Expectant Father] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Expectant-Father-Dads---Be/dp/0789205386/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1344493133&sr=8-1&keywords=expected+father) since it tackles different sections from pregnancy to labor/birth and beyond. It has crap like how to prepare for getting college fund started. What I really like is that during the different months of pregnancy, it gives you things to expect, like how your spouse is probably feeling, and the thoughts/emotions going through your own head, and how to just wrap your noggin around all of it and stay sane.

There's also a section on the types of food your significant other should be eating, and how you can help through the next 9 months.

First off congrats!!! It's a very exciting time for you. I just found out this weekend that we're expecting our second.

Biggest thing I can suggest is to be extremely patient and supportive through the next 9 months. With the mood-swings, the slightest thing can be explosive for your spouse. Try as hard as you can to make the dr appts. Sometimes it may not make sense for you to be there when it's not got a lot to do with you, but just the fact that you're engaged and there will mean the world to her. Lastly get some good lotion later down the line to do some foot and ankle massages towards the end, her feet will be killing her.

I'd recommend "The Expectant Father" as something that you can go read through to be more prepared throughout the process. It lays out each month and gives good advice on how to help her, and yourself prepare for what's coming. I'm going to read it through again as I know I've forgotten things since I read it a few years ago.

http://www.amazon.ca/Expectant-Father-Advice-Dads-Be/dp/0789205386

Feel free to PM me if you have more questions down the line. We'll most likely be going through a lot of the same milestones at the same time.

Congrats! One subreddit that was super helpful for me when we found out is /r/predaddit.

As for books, I would recommend The Mayo Clinic Book, as it is waaaay less scary than the "what to expect" book.

Good luck... it's the start of the best adventure. :)

If you want a book recommendation my absolute favorite book for those first few months was Mayo Clinic Guide to Your Baby's First Year. Since your GF already has a 3 year old you might not find it as helpful as my wife and I did but it was our absolute favorite to answer all those questions you wonder in that first year.

The piece of advice I got that was the absolute best piece I receive was to go out and do things in those first few weeks. You will be tired and a lot depends on your GF's recovery but in a lot of ways your baby will be more portable in the 6 or so weeks post birth than they will be for a long time since you can leave right after they go to sleep and they hopefully just sleep through things allowing you to eat dinner and get out of the house.

I found 3-6 months to be the most isolating time because they are aware enough to make it hard to just pack them up and go to dinner or something while they sleep but they aren't able to sit in a high chair or really entertain themselves so going out with them at that age is a real ordeal and that can become very isolating.

The Expectant Father Linky

My SIL got it for me for Christmas and I blew through it while on vacation the next week. It's a fun, light-hearted, easy read but it has a ton of helpful information (and fun facts) about what your wife is going through during the stages of her pregnancy and what to expect those first few months of being an official member of the Dad Club.

I recommend it to everyone I know when they find out that they're expecting.

My gosh, my SON LOVES this

http://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Rainforest-Melodies-Lights-Deluxe/dp/B000FFL58Q/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1371668591&sr=8-1&keywords=baby+floor+gym

It is amazing, he pulls on everything and looks at the lights. He is 6 months and we sit him on it and loves to play with the butterflies.. BUY IT.

I’m reading a book right now called [The Happiest Toddler on the Block] (www.amazon.com/dp/0553384422/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_9dfLAbT9RXDNY). It’s helping me to better understand my son’s developmental stages and how to help him grow into an emotionally conscious person. One thing I’ve learned is the art of listening, not just telling him “no” all the time. My wife is a kindergarten teacher and highly recommends it.

I don't care that he reads the whole books, just the important parts which are marked. He says things like "you were fine when you had Jace so you're not going to have a problem." He just thinks I've done it before so it's not a big deal. but it's always a big deal. He has no interest in any birthing class or book other than this one because he likes the guys articles on deadspin. I'll def check out the books you suggested as well. Thank you.

We didn't exactly do "cry it out" but we roughly followed the Baby Wise (https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Baby-Wise-Giving-Nighttime/dp/1932740139) method for sleep training.

We're not fans of co-sleeping for the obvious "rolling on top of your infant" problem---especially since we both sleep so hard. But whatever works for you. My wife and I found that method worked well, but every little one is different. :-)

If you're looking to work out or keep fit at all, check out Baby Barbells and The Art of Roughhousing. Both have some good tips for playing with your kid in ways that will benefit your health as well!

Hey! Yeah it has kinda become a series, but that is just someone piggy backing if its success. Here are the originals.

Here is the one for infants

Here is 5-12 months

I can sum up one of the most important principles for you if you don't want to buy them. Though I highly suggest you do.

At around 5-6 weeks you allow your baby to cry it out for 15 minutes max. After that you can go in and comfort the baby. This is mostly for the mother, as it is hard for the mom to do this.

Then every night you will eventually watch that 15 minutes of screaming drop to 12, then 10, then 5. Then only a minute.

This same principle then applies for older kids as they grow up and more challenges arise, like toddlers who won't stay in bed. In our experience we had to allow for them to cry and learn that they can do it and it will be ok. Eventually allowing for themselves to calm down and sleep.

On the one hand, I can empathize. I think you're expressing the feelings of many, many moms out there (and your husband is not alone in the stuff he's dealing with as well!).

However, it is important that you and your husband sit down and discuss this, and work through it, together, and this is going to involve sacrifice on both your parts.

I would strongly suggest picking up a copy of And Baby Makes Three by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. This book was very, very, very, very important to fixing my relationship with my wife after our daughter was born and we went through some similar issues as it sounds like you and your husband are dealing with.

I do lots of stuff like this my son who is just under 3. He loves it and it's good for him. He's 35lbs! The trick is keeping it up as they grow. You can hurt your self or your kid if you aren't doing it right. Here is a good book that helps you get the job done without throwing your back out (or your kid through a window):
http://www.amazon.com/The-Art-Roughhousing-Anthony-DeBenedet/dp/1594744874/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1375909406&sr=8-1&keywords=the+art+of+roughhousing

I wish I remembered the brand that we have. I think it might be a Regalo, because it looks a lot like this, but with a little cat door at the bottom.

The one piece of advice I would give is absolutely do no buy one like this. Those little holes will become footholds for a little one to climb over. Everyone I've known who has gotten something like that has had to replace it as soon as their child figured out how easy they are to climb. Stick with the vertical slats only - no horizontal bars except at the top and bottom.

You have gotten a lot of great advice. Here is a book that helped us with our first, when neither of us really knew what to do. It's real life advice on how to have the best first few months that you possibly can. Super quick easy read, but worth it IMO.

Happiest Baby On The Block

Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy

A bit more clinical, and more information (IMO) than "what to expect..."


Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads

AWESOME book for dads (me included). Similar info, but much lighter, and easier to read.

My dad got me a Haynes workshop manual which I thought was pretty funny. It's got loads of good info in it too.

The Expectant Father (http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0789205386) is excellent. It's the one I recommend to all new fathers. There are two others by the same author--dealing with parenting a newborn and toddler respectively.

Not based on the movie but there's Vader's little princess and Vader & Son, as well as others by Jeffrey Brown that are worth a chuckle

http://www.amazon.com/Vaders-Little-Princess-Jeffrey-Brown/dp/1452118698

I also recommend signing. In addition, check out The Happiest Toddler on the Block.

Men need space, but as a new father he needs to manage his responsibilities first. Whether he goes out too much or too little is a matter for your relationship alone; it doesn't matter what the rest of us do.
You are right to feel confused about his behavior. Becoming a father is a huge emotional shift and he may be retreating a bit in order to digest this new chapter of his life. Be that as it may, the two of you really ought to discuss it so that he knows how you feel when he goes out and so that you understand why he wants/needs to go.
There is a fantastic book about coping with the changing needs of your family when the child arrives called And Baby Makes Three by John and Julie Gottman. I strongly recommend it to all new parents and think it will equip you and your husband to overcome your present obstacle and others down the road.

Both our kids loved this play mat

What to expect

already mentioned by chuckdontSurf, a book on calming babies down

Sleeping habits

And for later, "How to raise a brighter child"

Get this book. It is a month-to-month guide for the first year. Each month is only a couple of pages, really good helpful stuff.

Seconded, and I also enjoyed The New Father - A Dad's Guide to the First Year. I liked the timeline approach and particularly the tips about what's going on with Mom along the way.

God I hate mobile reddit.

This is what I use. Cheap and effective.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00GUN3Z1W/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_iafaBbP82RW1Z

If ya wanna get fancy, these are great.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001OC5UMQ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_-afaBbX0TT1S0

Check with a local hospital or parent store, many offer or know of where you can sign up for classes including New Dad Bootcamp (or Basecamp, either way it's got a masculine title). I'm attending mine in two weeks.

I'm not nervous about being a dad or hurting the baby, I just want to get my skills down pat so I don't do something stupid.

Check for those in your local area and sign him up late 2nd trimester, early 3rd trimester.

Edit: Also have him read The Expectant Father book and the Mayo Clinic Pregnancy guide. They are AMAZING resources. http://www.amazon.com/Expectant-Father-Advice-Dads---Be/dp/0789210770/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1420916442&sr=8-1&keywords=The+expectant+father

and

http://www.amazon.com/Mayo-Clinic-Guide-Healthy-Pregnancy/dp/1561487171/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1420916466&sr=8-1&keywords=mayo+clinic+guide+to+a+healthy+pregnancy

We ferberized our kid at six months. Went from 2-3 wakings per night to once every two weeks. I highly recommend getting his book rather than reading summaries on the Internet. Most of those summaries focus on the progressive waiting aka CIO method itself. There is so much more involved... We learned we were screwing up her routine and taught her to fall asleep breastfeeding. She would wake up in the middle of the night and wouldn't be able to fall asleep until what happened? Breastfeeding! If you give your kid juice to fall asleep at night what happens when he wakes up? "I want juice!"



Totally worth $15 and you can skip chapters that aren't relevant (now) so it can be a quick read. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0743201639/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1375222053&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY190

Safe Baby Handling Tips

Hillarious book that has diagrams for safe handling and care of your new baby. Its been on reddit before, but is worth a mention. Even has the wheel or responsibility on the front.

Amazon has a couple sleep training light/clock combos.

http://www.amazon.com/Onaroo-Childrens-Alarm-Clock-Nightlight/dp/B00EAHSBV4/ref=sr_1_1?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1412281381&sr=1-1&keywords=sleep+trainer

If the end product is easy to use with the app and costs at least the same as the current solutions that don't have wifi you may have some biters.

The best guide to developmental milestones is the AAP book:

http://www.amazon.com/Caring-Your-Young-Child-Edition/dp/0553386301/

Take him for a walk outside (not too much sunlight) and talk about what he's looking at.

Put him on a playmat with the arches over it, like http://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Rainforest-Melodies-Lights-Deluxe/dp/B000FFL58Q/ref=pd_cp_ba_3

Bouncer.

Infant stimulation videos.

Light tickling (not too much, then they cant breathe).

Last choice is super-colorful music-y cartoons, like you said, used sparingly.

Check out The Happiest Toddler on the Block.

(You can preview it on Amazon)[http://www.amazon.com/dp/0553384422]

It's been a huge help with our 18 month old and tantrums.

The "What Can You Expect" series.

Also...check out The Happiest Baby on the Block this DVD will seriously help to teach you how to calm a crying baby and will save your sanity/sleep.

Edit: Seriously...the methods can look really dumb, and you assume it's fake, but the 5 S's he teaches are like magic.

I think I have this book as well. Did it come with the responsibility spinner on the front? It's a wheel you spin that has either a "mom" or "dad" space on it. Whichever it lands on is the person responsible for the current baby incident.

Ninja edit: This is it. http://www.amazon.com/Safe-Baby-Handling-Tips-David/dp/0762424915#

I highly recommend the dvd or instant video version of this, helped us with our newborn almost instantly!

I'm not sure what details you were given about the method if your pediatrician recommended a routine...but if you can, check this out.

It helped me understand the Ferber method in and out and what to and not do. If done correctly, most kids don't need the exaggerated bs you hear about from...wherever you hear about Ferber hate.

It's really simple if you stick to it. Good luck!

Please don't post links to copyrighted material.

We have this one. Works well enough, but I think you can only set one “wake up time.”

https://www.amazon.com/Mirari-Wake-Alarm-Clock-Night-Light/dp/B00EAHSBV4

We used these. It's a compression fit. Our little one likes to pull and try to climb it, but so far it hasn't budged. I've even ran into it in the night and it didn't move. (I'm a pretty big dude) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001OC5UMQ/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_apa_i_8zbYDbF7B2JB3

I want a grill and I'm getting a grill. Also Drew magary's book about fatherhood http://www.amazon.com/Someone-Could-Get-Hurt-Twenty-First-Century/dp/159240832X

I had this book from the pediatrician and it was invaluable.

It's not geared towards fathers, per se, but is much more towards parents rather than just the mother.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1932740139/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1521941312&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=babywise+giving+your+infant+the+gift+of+nighttime+sleep&dpPl=1&dpID=41JKJto2VXL&ref=plSrch

http://www.amazon.com/Darth-Vader-Star-Wars-Chronicle/dp/145210655X

http://www.amazon.com/Star-Wars-Vaders-Little-Princess/dp/1452118698/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_y

Did you have one of these? I was just thinking about getting one last night.

The books that helped me the most are these 2.

What to Expect When You're Expecting

What to Expect the First Year

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0743201639/?&_encoding=UTF8&tag=bcexpertarticle-20&linkCode=ur2&linkId=73ad71244bb8ade96d59370b255b13d6&camp=1789&creative=9325

A year without sex sounds fucking crazy to me. Sex was extremely painful for me after giving birth for about 4 months until I fully healed...but I would try at least once a week and usually finish off with a blow job. My MIL always tells me, my husband was there before the baby and he'll be there after the baby has started his own life so it's important to take care of his needs too.

That being said, being a new mom is fucking weird you have this new little person that you love to death and all these crazy hormones raging through your body, if she's breast feeding her body is producing lots of estrogen which makes "down there" dry as a desert. You don't feel like you looks sexy...sleep deprived yada yada yada. If you want sex instead of just asking for it, make her dinner and clean the house or do something else special for her. Here's a book that may help. http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Makes-Three-Preserving-Rekindling/dp/140009738X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1368333502&sr=1-1&keywords=And+baby+makes+three

Feed the shouty end.

Wipe the shitty end.

If they are crying, repeat the above.

And buy this

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1844257592/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_W-Jczb2AR97E4