(Part 2) Top products from r/datingoverthirty

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We found 24 product mentions on r/datingoverthirty. We ranked the 159 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the products ranked 21-40. You can also go back to the previous section.

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Top comments that mention products on r/datingoverthirty:

u/ceebee6 路 1 pointr/datingoverthirty

I think that you're going to have to try a bunch of things and see what you enjoy. It sounds like you haven't had the opportunity or drive to develop outside hobbies, and I'm going to venture a guess that during primary and secondary school you were raised in a culture that encouraged studying and very little else. So, now's the time to figure out what you like.

If you're somewhat into reading, I'd recommend The Girly Book Club. I'm a part of my local chapter, and it's a great way to meet fellow introverts and make some friends. Looks like there's a local chapter in Stuttgart: https://www.meetup.com/The-Stuttgart-Girly-Book-Club/.

Others have already mentioned using Meetup.com to find some groups you can join. Here is the link to the Leipzig, Germany meetup groups. Pick a few that sound interesting to try out.

Other ideas would be finding an organization on campus to get involved in--it could be related to an interest or career development. Volunteer somewhere for a cause that interests you, such as helping at an animal shelter since you love dogs. Take fitness classes or local cooking classes. Pick up photography. Learn to go hiking. Go geocaching. You can do a quick Google search for hobby ideas to get a list of things, and then try the ones that sound somewhat interesting to you. Also try a few things that you normally wouldn't--you never know what you might like!

As for the social skills, the good news is that they're skills and so you can learn and improve if you set your mind to it. There are videos, books and articles about things like body language, how to be a good conversationalist, how to connect with people more easily. Pick up a copy of How to Win Friends and Influence People. It's a classic for a reason. How to Talk to Anyone is also a good read.

u/Bizkitgto 路 1 pointr/datingoverthirty

You've got what I call the 30s depression...Office Space perfectly illustrates how many men feel in their 30s...

Fight Club gets it...

If you aren't in the gym lifting weights, I'd highly recommend it.
>I see them move from their offices to their cars and on to their suburban homes. They stress out constantly, they lose sleep, they eat badly. And they behave badly. Their egos run wild; they become motivated by that which will eventually give them a massive stroke. They need the Iron Mind. Through the years, I have combined meditation, action, and the Iron into a single strength. I believe that when the body is strong, the mind thinks strong thoughts. Time spent away from the Iron makes my mind degenerate. I wallow in a thick depression. My body shuts down my mind. ~ Henry Rollins, The Iron and The Soul

I know how you feel, we all do...a month off is a long time, especially for those who never get that amount of time off. If you can travel somewhere for a week or two - do it (go overseas, Thailand, Japan, Brazil, etc).

I've always believed everyone needs three things to be happy:

  1. Someone to love - that's why we are here, being over 30 makes this even more difficult I know, just keep your mind open and don't waste any opportunities. We are social animals, spend time with friends and family if that's possible.

  2. Something to do - this can be anything, upping your skills for a job (programming, math, reviewing old college text books, studying up on ASME, ASTM standards, etc), exercise (weights, yoga, running), learning a new language (Duolingo can be fun), anything you can think of! Having something with measurable goals can help because achieving something, anything will improve your mood and well being. Just remember - idle hands are the devil's workshop.

  3. Something to look forward to - this can be a vacation (always planning that next vacation gives me a boost), a birthday, an event coming up...anything that you are truly looking forward to! I also link this to hope a little, we all look to the future so it may as well be a bright future. Like I said before, travelling solo is great, you're always on the go, you've got lots to see and do and you can meet a lot of people if you plan it right (check out r/solotravel) and stay and mingle in areas with other traveler's, especially solo travelers (like hostels).

    I'd like to recommend two books to help you out, Atomic Habits and Stealing Fire if you're interested in self improvement.
u/venus_in_faux_furs 路 1 pointr/datingoverthirty

Listen, it was a joke, and you didn't think it was funny, I'm sorry. I do not think you should be arrested. I hope you do not get arrested. I hope you figure this out as it will improve your life tremendously.

Other posters validated that it's unkind for someone to ignore your text for days and I agree. But your reactions to non-responses, late responses or anything that could be considered a brush off is way over the top. And judging from your responses to other comments, you seem to be aware of your issues, and I think that's really cool because there is no improvement without self-awareness.

I'm a woman, and I haven't dealt with feelings of anger over (what I perceived to be) lazy or inconsiderate communication, but I have felt bad about it at some points. Mostly, I've been on the receiving end of (what I think is) excessive texting. Browse this sub long enough and there are tons of conversations about navigating communication in early dating.

I noticed in other comments that you seemed open to advice, so if I'd okay, I'd like to offer some (consider it an olive branch for my FBI comment.) I read back into your post history and I see that you're into Stoicism, which is cool and will help you a lot. My favorite form of therapy (I'm of the mind that everyone could use some therapy) is DBT. It's straightforward, skills-based and useful in the real world. I think you'd like the concept of its utilitarianism. It actually has a lot of similarities with Stoicism! Reddit thread in /r/Stoicism about it, actually- specifically radical acceptance.

DBT has a principle called "radical acceptance" that is directly in line with a lot of Stoic principles. I would seriously suggest you check out the concept online or buy a book or two. There are DBT books specifically for Anger Management, but anything on emotional regulation will do.

This book is neither on stoicism or DBT (or Buddhism), but I like it a lot regardless. The author has a good website too and cites from other sources. The author has a website too, in case you don't feel like ordering self-help books on Amazon like 馃憖some of us馃憖 Maybe read points 3 and 4 and sit on that. Here's a tl;dr of the philosophy I'm suggesting, I think points 3-5 would directly benefit you. Another, Tara Brach, author/PHD psychologist who is a practicing Buddhist has a bunch of books radical acceptance/Buddhism/mindfulness but I do think you'll find them more female-oriented. I would stick with Eric Barker (mentioned above) and maybe Alain de Botton if you jive with Barker's ideas.

I'm sure this wasn't the response you were expecting, but I do hope you manage to deal with these feelings. Always happy to talk about these ideas further.

u/Jurneeka 路 12 pointsr/datingoverthirty

I'm sorry.

Chalk it up to a learning experience and move on.

I went back and read the other posts you wrote on this guy and it's not like I'm the big expert or anything but from the first date it just sounded like he just wasn't that into you (paraphrasing Greg Behrendt, btw I have recommended his book so many times it's like a broken record now...)

Notwithstanding all the guys here who are stating how much they would LOVE it if the girl made the first move and was proactive and aggressive... I'm here in my mid 50s to tell you that they might LOVE it if the girl made the first move and so on, there are outliers for sure, but bottom line is that males are hard wired to be the pursuers when it comes to women. They don't want the low hanging fruit - they want the shiny apple at the top of the tree.

I cringed as I read your posts because I've made the same mistakes too.

Buying him gifts when we aren't exclusive. Yup.

Proactively texting or reaching out - BTDT

Agonizing and ruminating about some breadcrumb guy for weeks.

Stalking him on his SM and obsessively checking to see if he's logged in to whatever dating app he's on. (Of course it goes without saying that he never did send me a friend request and at least I was smart enough not to send HIM one.)

If I hadn't been kissed by Date 2, I would move on.

Clearly he was fine spending time with you, but you weren't his oyster. But he didn't have the balls to tell you. Rejecting someone is even more difficult than being rejected. IMO that's why so many people ghost. I used to ghost too, but I realized that it's far kinder to tell the guy, often face to face, thanking him for meeting me but I'm just not feeling a romantic connection.

While you're on your dating sabbatical, you might want to do a bit of reading. I love recommending books that I've found personally helpful!

  1. How to be Single and Happy just finished reading this one and it knocked my socks off!!!

    https://www.amazon.com/How-Single-Happy-Science-Based-Strategies/dp/0143130994

  2. Hes Just Not That Into You and Its Just a Fucking Date by Greg Behrendt. You want a book by a real guy. Here it is! The title put me off reading it for a long time, but it's well worth it and stood the test of time for years since its publication (note the movie is NOT THE SAME AS THE BOOK.)

  3. Love Factually by Duana Welch (and the sequel recently released). Why we do what we do when it comes to mating. Science based.

    Good luck to you!
u/iammyproblem 路 2 pointsr/datingoverthirty

So I have this card game thing based on Chuck Klosterman's essay about weird questions to ask people that are better than small talk. For a while I started using questions from this game as openers. I wouldn't say it was super successful, but at least it was different. Small tangent: I sent one of these to a girl on OKC once and she came right out of the gate at me aggressively asking if how the other women I send the same thing to respond. We ended up having an exchange in the vein of maybe dating might be more fun and fruitful if you didn't go around immediately treating every guy like he's an asshole that deserves to be smacked down. The convo ended friendly and with a better understanding of each other, but she also successfully locked herself in as a "fuck no".

> Wonder why that awesome guy might not be messaging you? Maybe he's too worried he'll come off as a creep, or his bumbling nervous opener will be posted to a site and mocked mercilessly, even though he's just trying his best.

Thanks for mentioning this. I have felt similar things reading this sub, myself.

u/gregory_domnin 路 2 pointsr/datingoverthirty

I have read Mate

https://www.amazon.com/Mate-Become-Man-Women-Want/dp/0316375365

It is embarrassing to have read it but I found some of the exact same self help information in another book about controlling parents. I guess the good thing is I had also already done quite a bit of work the book recommended such as be in shape and take care of your mental health.

They had a podcast that had further recommended reading and advice such as

It's Not All About Me: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with
Anyone

https://www.amazon.com/dp/057809665X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_wstdzbP00CXWS

And taking improv comedy classes. All of which I have now done.

It really gave me a frame of reference I didn't have before. Very helpful in understanding not just romantic relationships but all relationships.

Seriously, you can just watch groundhogs day and get the gist of the book.

Edit: I heard about it through the Art of Manliness podcast. He did another one with another author who basically said stop reading self help books and just go out and have fun. I refuse to read another one.

u/mooburger 路 2 pointsr/datingoverthirty

Most of my exes remain friends, so I don't really have anything against seeing them. Again I guess I'm also pretty picky so I've never had the misfortune of dating a real psycho. I've also never tried to actually date within my own immediate team (I would agree that that feels a bit incestuous to me for some reason).

Where I currently work (a major fortune 500 multinational), about a quarter of my closest coworkers are married to other people in the company (and a bunch work in the same building. 2 of the 4 in particular work even on the same floor, but different departments). My current boss's wife used to share the same skip level manager with him, several years ago. The rest of us on the team rarely see them at lunchtime since they usually run off to eat with their spouses :) The oldest guy on my team is in his 50s and his second wife works downstairs and it's really cute every day at noon he goes "time to go collect my bride, see ya later!".

For the 2nd point I like to follow the advice given in the title of this memoir..

u/blondjane 路 5 pointsr/datingoverthirty

This is part of a series and it kind of broke my heart - but they're all good:

https://www.amazon.com/When-Parents-Forgot-Friends-About/dp/0764131729/ref=sr_1_13?ie=UTF8&qid=1543117725&sr=8-13&keywords=books+about+divorce+for+young+children

Maybe a bit too young for a 10 yo, esp if your child is a girl.

​

This is great but only for a good 10 yo reader... just deals with grief and tragedy in childhood well:

https://www.amazon.com/Thing-About-Jellyfish-Ali-Benjamin/dp/0316380849/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1543117858&sr=8-10&keywords=books+about+divorce+for+young+children

​

This too. I tried to read it but it broke my heart but it helped my son:

https://www.amazon.com/Things-We-Knew-Catherine-West/dp/0718078101/ref=sr_1_14?ie=UTF8&qid=1543118051&sr=8-14&keywords=books+about+divorce+for+young+children

​

Edit: Mostly kids feel suddenly like things aren't as they should be and the fictionalized version of this in Young Adult (which is where 10 yos often are now, sadly) has a deep and awesome history going back to Judy Bloom.

u/TheEmancipatedFart 路 2 pointsr/datingoverthirty

Sounds like you had a bad date :-/ Sorry.

Yes, the dating world can be very cold to men that aren't attractive. It's not something that's discussed much, because it's hammered into our heads as kids that all you need to get the girl is a sense of humor, maybe a job, some confidence and a decent sense of style. But women can be every bit as superficial, unfortunately.

I wouldn't defend all the horrible shit that men have done to women throughout history, but this book should be enlightening reading for many women these days:

http://www.amazon.com/Self-Made-Man-Womans-Year-Disguised/dp/0143038702/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1458690380&sr=8-1&keywords=norah+vincent

All that said, though - if you realize you're a 2 or 3 out of 10, are you taking steps to improve? Have you been working out? Perhaps you need to dress better? Get on a diet?

u/Nosoycabra 路 3 pointsr/datingoverthirty

That is kinda sad, because even if I am a total weirdo with social anxiety and I rather would not speak to random people, I do enjoy people smiling at me, saying " Good morning" and just feel the warm on them. I am totally ok with people asking me " Is Tide better than Gain?" but me answering or explaining why I love Tide does not means I am into that person and having someone who just saw you 30 second ago interested in you, is kinda scary.

Anyway, at least it is not this one.... https://www.amazon.com/NKST-Group-Vintage-Genuine-Post-Apocalyptic/dp/B07MFBZZH7/ref=asc_df_B07MFBZZH7/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=242019929401&hvpos=1o2&hvnetw=g&hvrand=6286093116333997081&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9010928&hvtargid=pla-650526078718&psc=1

u/Koolaid76 路 0 pointsr/datingoverthirty

I think Liberals and Conservatives alike could benefit from understanding a few things. One, personality usually dictates political leanings. So very likely many of the good things that you like about the man are some of the reasons he leans Conservative politically. Things like conscientiousness, work ethic, being protective of society at large and those he cares about can be part of a Conservative's mindset. You're a woman, so you're more likely to lean left/liberal from the get go. Women are higher in openness and empathy (in general).

I recommend reading this book, it's good science on how good people different in politics and religion: https://www.amazon.com/Righteous-Mind-Divided-Politics-Religion/dp/0307455777/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1521426339&sr=8-1&keywords=the+righteous+mind

But my personal take is as a society we've become so polarized that we won't just listen to each other without immediately thinking someone that disagrees with us is the enemy. I think if we could be more open minded, we'd find wonderful people that choose to vote differently but complement each other because we bring different qualities and perspectives that can balance each other out. The alternative is seeking a sycophantic partner that echoes our beliefs and doesn't challenge us.

u/Prisoner-of-Paradise 路 2 pointsr/datingoverthirty

I like the excitement and intensity of big cities, the sense of being connected to the rest of the world, and that at least in the U.S. they are more socially and politically liberal than the rest of the country. If I'm going to put up with crime and stress and pollution I want to be compensated with art shows and festivals and theater and cool architecture and great restaurants, unexpected pocket parks, graffiti, rallies, buskers, and the occasional mass civil disobedience.

I don't want to live anywhere that can inspire a book like this.

u/suchathrill 路 2 pointsr/datingoverthirty

I have a great texting penpal, thanks to Reddit (and this person being so compassionate and helpful); and she has been a mainstay in my life in the last month or so. But I know better than to sully dating endeavors with such a communication form. Statistics show that a line gets drawn in the sand by the sixth round of exchanges (whether msg, text, or email). If you haven't met up by then, the probability falls to about 0% at that point. OLD is NOT for penpalling. These guys you matched with, OP, either are not serious about dating and/or have no idea what they're doing.

Everyone should read Modern Romance, cull the appropriate guidelines for their gender, and just systematize the whole thing.

u/HanSh0tF1rst 路 3 pointsr/datingoverthirty

I read your post but I only have a few minutes before my next meeting so that's why the quick book mention...

Sounds like you might have issues with boundaries. There is a big difference between giving in a loving relationship and being overly adaptive in an unhealthy way.

You might consider Boundaries in Dating.

u/esayer 路 2 pointsr/datingoverthirty

A very concise and apt description of modern feminism. I am reading the book 90s Bitch: Media, Culture, and the Failed Promise of Gender Equality by Allison Yarrow, and it talks a lot about exactly this.

u/hired_g00n 路 1 pointr/datingoverthirty

Alright. Triage time.

Read this:

https://bookofpook.neocities.org/

Then read this:
https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0345816021/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_jzi1CbGEN5P3Y

Then take some of that 6 figures you make and allocate it to fucking off.

Use this:

https://earthroulette.com/

Fuck off wherever it tells you, book a flight, and go away for 2 weeks minimum. When you get there, pick a random direction and travel that way till you hit water or 2-3 weeks are up.

You need a reset and a change of scenery. Get your head screwed back on straight, clear your thoughts and get out of your rut.

But here's the thing: it's totally okay to feel like this and be fed up. Dating as an activity sucks giant donkey dick for everybody that's left. It's a grind and a treadmill, and sometimes the beat thing to do is hit the stop button and step off. Fuck all that noise, it's garbage.

Reset, take a sabbatical, go somewhere. Then come back with a new perspective.