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I completely agree that you should bring it up. Most of the time I think it’s not best to point out others’ faux paus, but as a bridesmaid and a best friend, you owe it to her to give her a nudge. I know you have already spent a lot of money, but to make things easier, it might help if you bought her a pack of cute thank you notes and say “I saw these and thought they’d be perfect for your shower gift thank yous. I know you’re busy so if you need help addressing this week, let me know!”

I bought these for my thank you notes when I got married. Cheap and super cute. 12.00 Is a small price to pay to urge someone to have proper etiquette.Otherwise a bunch of pissed ladies are going to show up to her wedding. Personally, I would be so offended if someone didn’t acknowledge a gift along with my efforts to come to a shower and I probably wouldn’t ever think of them the same way. Judgmental AF, but true.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01M0TTHCH/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_-CbQAbCQG08BR

Oh, man, this sounds like a lot more than a "crash course" is going to solve.

I'd recommend Crossing the Tracks for Love: What to Do When You and Your Partner Grew Up in Different Worlds -- it's not perfect, but there isn't much else out there on the topic.

A copy of Debrett's and/or Post would be nice. Malloy's "New Woman's Dress for Success" is tragically dated but still very useful.

Also, Paul Fussell's "Class," as it's (1) true (2) hilarious.

> Notwithstanding the aforementioned, for a rough idea of what we are looking for, my tux is RL Purple and shoes are Prada.

This is a bit of a tell that you are not the silver spooned gent you seem to perhaps think you are. Were your parents 'nouveau riche'?

Your whole post is really fraught with an amazing amount of class anxiety, and that is more déclassé than any working-class woman who happens to show up at a ball when she doesn't usually go to balls.

This would almost be a better fit in /r/relationships or even /r/sociology... (NB: /r/femalefashionadvice will expect you to read the black tie info already in the sidebar/wiki before you ask question in the "daily simple Qs" thread about particular outfits.)

You can't pick up a sow's ear and decide to marry a silk purse and expect to transform the ear. There is no way trying to tell her how to talk is going to come off well.

> terrible experiences with the "personal shoppers/stylists" in the mall department stores

You went to Neiman Marcus, pretend to be Richard Gere with the ho' Julia Roberts, and they couldn't do anything for you two...?

Is it possible that that didn't go very far because of palpable discomfort on your partner's part? What does she want?

Does she want all this crap you're suggesting? Most upper-class people's views on 'wine pairings' are: (1) somebody else does that for you, (2) there should be a lot of it.

> I want to do everything I can (within this short amount of time) to make sure she feels comfortable and confident enough to hold her own and not want to run to the restroom and cry.

This is only going to happen if you are attending an event with low-class bullies, or if the purported love of her life keeps sniping at her to use a different fork, cross her legs just so, not fiddle with her bracelet, not use double negatives, etc, etc, etc.

I have hosted a large black tie gala. One or two people were dressed too informally. I'm sure there were people who didn't know which fork to use. It is only the class-insecure who notice, and get upset by, these things.

Surely you've heard the old parable: a lovely old lady hosts a dinner. There's a young female guest who is new to high society, etc. She sees a finger bowl and thinks it is a clear soup or a beverage of some sort, and starts drinking/spooning it down.

The hostess, widely known as the very picture of etiquette, notices this. To put the girl at ease, she drinks from her own finger bowl. Soon all the guests are drinking their finger bowls.

That's etiquette.

Basically it just sounds like you're a ball of class anxiety, and she just needs to buy a couple of new outfits. You might try 'Rent the Runway'...

I think it's super cool. I bet your 12 year old half brother absolutely loves it.

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Spending your weekends over there playing video games with that kid right now is precious. You'll look back on that time and be very glad that you spent it having fun and bonding. I would say it is a little unusual, but in a good way. In a sweet way. If I was doing it, I'd consider purchasing matching pajama animal onesie outfits for me in the kid, but whatever you think is best.

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https://www.amazon.com/Silver-Lilly-Unisex-Adult-Pajamas/dp/B0145JU83A/

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Like so.

For times like these, one may purchase on Amazon through the Advanced Book Exchange (aka ABE) older used copies of Emily Post's book on etiquette. For approximately $4 including shipping, such an important tome can be procured and makes a lovely present for hungry souls as indicated by their blitzkrieg of shower invitations.

You have to dig a little on Amazon to find these reasonably priced editions. Here's a 1984 edition, one for a penny + 3.99 shipping for a grand total of $4.00.

Consider a little hand written and cryptic inscription on the leaflet:

Aug 8th, 2014
The Hamptons

I'm sorry I am unable to attend your delightful bridal shower,
and send this to you in lieu of my presents.

Hope you find this useful!

Muffy

If it doesn't irritate your eczema you could try wearing some Gold Bond powder or powder spray on your feet every day. There are also Odor Eaters shoe insoles that help with the smell. There are tons of other foot odor products out there that could help. Just try some until you find something you like.

I’d do one or two regular hand towels and either a roll of high quality paper towels or a stack of high quality disposable hand towels like this

https://www.amazon.com/Linen-Feel-Disposable-Guest-Towels/dp/B00U2QERW4

It’s a pretty standard one called the razberry :)

I agree with the above comment that as long as you wife is not actually writing the notes, maybe she can help with addressing, etc. Although, I personally think that is out of the scope of her duties. Maybe your wife should get the bride this book; it helped me a lot during my wedding. Miss Manners Wedding Book

You need to pick up the book by u/nathanwpyle - I lived in NYC for years and his book is accurate and so damn funny. My favorite tip is about the empty subway car. His tips are not just for the metro, but for NYC in general https://www.amazon.com/Basic-Tips-Etiquette-Nathan-Pyle/dp/0062303112

Something like this film also stop looking at your neighbor

Emily's advice tends to be rather outdated, not surprising since she died half a century ago. You'd be better off reading a more contemporary expert like Miss Manners. Her Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior is considered definitive.