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Hey, hello, great to see you again! I -- I see that you lost my handout from the interview about required dress for this position, but that's okay, it's okay, you aren't going on your first house call until tomorrow. I'll have Janice, uh, print a copy of those dress requirements and photo copy it so you can have a copy. Just -- ah, this is so awkward with new guys, I should have called to make sure you understood. You'll have to loose all that skin and muscle, okay? I don't make the rules, it's an OSHA thing. My hands are tied, really, nothing I can do.

Whoa, whoa, where are you going? Buddy, c'mon, please, we went over the job requirements, and you can't back down now. You signed a contract, and the other guy quit already. You -- you did read the supplemental materials, when you were applying? You didn't read the supplemental material because you 'were too busy for dinosaur books'?

What could be more important than a dinosaur book? Did you ever have a childhood? What the fuck is wrong with you? ...No, don't cry, you're right, that was unprofessional. We're stuck with each other, kid, so why don't you fill that coffee cup back up and I'll go clear the conference room.

Alright, okay. Your job. You're Death, now, and you have to help ease the passing of people who have run out of time. No, not like the voice that tells you to insert more coins into the payphone. How old are you? Jesus. They haven't run out of time on a phone. They've run out of time on everything.

No, not like when you have to return something to the video store because it's almost been 30 days and you don't want to be charged the full price of the -- Ugh. Didn't Blockbuster go out of business? A store closing is kind of like dying, though, that's a good metaphor. Cashflow is bad, the employees have checked out, so it's just not worth it to even pay the lighting bill anymore, you know? And your job is to make sure that, uh... that everyone gets out of the building in a timely manner, yeah! And to make sure the water is shut off and the utilities all know there isn't anyone there to pay them anymore.

You get that, right? No?

^I'm ^not ^paid ^enough ^for ^this.

Nothing, nothing. Did you have a dog growing up? What happened when your dog got too old? Yeah, see, man... the thing is, there's no farm upstate. I know your parents promised, but they lied. They did! Parents lie, you know, to be nice. Like about Santa Claus. Are you crying? Don't cry, oh my god, it's okay.

You can read, right? Great. I know you did a couple years in a call center, so this will be really familiar, you just have to stick to the script.

The customer will be like, "W-w-where am I? Am... a-am I dead?"

And you say, "Yes, I'm so sorry, but you'll have to move along to the next stage now."

Then they'll say something like, "WHY? WHY, GOD, WHY?" or "NO, NO, THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING." Sometimes, if you're really lucky, you'll get, "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" but try not to laugh. Yes, I promise it's funny.

After that, you just have to tell them, "Oh, my supervisor would love to talk to you about it, please follow me," and then lead them to the sorting area. Am I really going to talk to them? Wow, kid, you're a riot. Hell no, I'm too busy for that. I'm too busy for this, too. Can you follow the script? Great! Go talk to Janet about your paperwork and if you have any questions ask Beelzebub, he's got the cubicle right by the fire exit and he'd love to explain everything to you in more detail.

(Edited because... I found a typo. :c )

>AYN RAND TOOK (LEGAL) AMPHETAMINES AND DREW SOCIAL SECURITY BENEFITS AS HER HUSBAND'S SURVIVOR! THEREFORE, HER ARGUMENT IS FALSE!

But have you read this? It seems only fair that negative critical commentary be weighed alongside well-informed positive commentary, yes?

The Rand-haters, to a person, just seem so unfair in their methods of attack....

(Do they even so much as know about books like the one I linked? Wouldn't it be staggeringly ignorant of them not to?)

I don't really have answer to the question, but on an extremely related note, there's a full Shakespearean adaptation of "Start Wars: A New Hope" on amazon, and it's pretty great!

You would describe it like Ian Doescher did in his seminal trilogy: https://www.amazon.com/William-Shakespeares-Star-Wars-Doescher/dp/1594746370

The audiobook is pretty good.

Or, you know - get something like this:

http://www.amazon.com/Wahl-9918-6171-Groomsman-Mustache-Trimmer/dp/B00009RF1E/ref=sr_1_14?ie=UTF8&qid=1396361970&sr=8-14&keywords=electric+shaver

Still looks great!

Less danger.

ZERO ITCHING.

...[closes book] "And that son is why we must pray for our fallen brothers and sisters, who believe that homosexuality is 'good' and 'natural.' Remember: just because you believe that something is true or right does not make it so." [Lifts bible from nightstand] "That is why we must always turn to the Word of God, for it is the infallible truth. Now son, let us turn to Leviticus 18:22."

I'd just like to remind everyone that their new movie, Trailer Park Boys: Don't Legalize It, is out!

http://www.amazon.ca/Trailer-Park-Boys-Legalize-Blu-ray/dp/B00K87YGI2

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/movie/trailer-park-boys-3-dont-legalize/id848369254

http://thepiratebay.se/torrent/10659728/Trailer_Park_Boys_-_Don_t_Legalize_It

I might also suggest a good agile development in rails book. And perhaps try ruby. Seriously, ruby is almost too simple to understand from a programming perspective (where are the line ends?!).

There is actually!

https://www.amazon.com/Wizard-Kindle-Motion-Magic-Book-ebook/dp/B00EF8Z32I

Magic meets Programing

Amusingly enough the first spell the protagonist casts in the book is a height spell.

I do! Although I think I've only got some male on male forced bi stuff posted so far. If that's what tickles your pickle, try 'A Beer Between Friends' or 'Morning Service'.

If you want to wait a little while, though, I'm currently working on a series about a twentysomething guy who finds himself being blackmailed into submission by his young male neighbour. It's all pretty kink-centric, but it might be up your alley?

Also related

Enjoy

You may be referring to the book Eternal Treblinka, a phrase coined by Isaac Bashevis Singer. And you seem to be ridiculing the concept of speciesism; however, the topic is more complex than described in your story.

"It's cool. It was created by Catholics on the backs of infidel labor and totally celebrates the Eucharist. I don't have the right amount of concentrated prayer to power it up right now, so you'll have to believe me. Oh, I'm not a Muslim or a Jew and never have been, so we're cool here, right? I paid my tithe, so let's go whip some infidel ass! "

the Spanish Inquisition was more ethnic cleansing than fear of "witches" based around a fear that the world was ending and financial issues with the consolidation of Spanish power and the expulsion of the Moors. Source: http://www.amazon.com/1492-The-Year-World-Began/dp/0061132284