(Part 3) Top products from r/fosterit

>be can be as short as a few hours

I guess if a few is 10-12ish.

>is there an "average" stay length

Usually, you don't know. A few months is not unusual, I'd count on 3 months being usual short end (unless it's 2-weeks and they're trying to puzzle siblings together around a bunch of nearly full placements).

>open to all age-ranges up to 17

I don't know what state you're in. You may want to consider instead saying "any age". A lot of states rules don't let you "care for" any "adults or children not in foster care (or your kids)" in your home. Not every state ages kids out at the 18th birthday. There's usually a transition to independent placement option that may run to 22 (when kids normally finish college). If you've had a kid since they were even 14, do you want your license to require them to be moved when they hit 18? Do you want them to stay with you over university breaks? This caveat usually comes as a surprise to people.

>sibling groups of up to 3

I'm not sure about your room situation, but in some states agemate/gendermate rules apply to siblings, so the room may be partially empty some of the time. Consider what you want to do to support Little Miss before you're trying to emotionally decide if she has to share her room or the third sibling has to sleep at the office.

>What is the training like?

It's very touchy-feely. Usually it's about helping you empathize with a foster kid. Because you're probably default is a happy, hearty "WELCOME!!! we're so excited to have you here" and they're trying to get you to "I understand your world is falling apart right now and I'm here to help; please use the toilet whenever you need to".

Also, your (mostly unpaid) "job" is basically to keep the kid alive and help support the parents, some of whom would generally be regarded as scum by society. So, there will likely be some information on how to support rather than judge bio parents.

You'll also probably be introduced to a bit of state law regarding kids, and federal law like ICWA.

Like everything else though, it's going to vary by state.

>My house is not as pristine as I'd like for it to be. Are there any major things I need to be sure of that you discovered when you went through this.

The home study has less to do with cleanliness and more to do with your not killing the children. Think of it more as a child-proofing thing. Toys on the floor, and dirty laundry are usually no big deal. On the other hand:

If it says "out of reach of children" it should be. That means all your cleaners and the open shampoo in your shower, probably. Also, Clorox wipes (or knockoffs) need to be put up.

Cabinets with chemicals need child locks.

Gates on every set of stairs (top & bottom), no pressure gates at the top.

Medicine locked up; must be an actual lock (tool boxes are okay for this, it's hard to get a wall mounted medicine cabinet for this). When your kid gets strep, etc, you're gonna have medicine that has to be refrigerated. Have a fridge lockbox on hand, you don't want to be waiting on it in the mail. Or get a dorm fridge with the little key.

Balusters (railings) my state has a 4" rule. Most balusters seem to be installed absolutely stupidly and some span 6" or more. Have a plan to make them safe. My personal favorite is this sheeting. It actually is almost invisible, but kids absolutely LOVE the sound running into it makes, so that's the obvious downside.

"I have to lock it and I don't know how" - 90% of these issues are solved by knowing the word "hasp" and being able to saw up a 2 by 4. Seriously, learning that thing is called a hasp took forever, and then locking things got way, way simpler.

Wall mount the TVs. It's not required, but kids can't get crushed, they can't mess with the buttons, they have a harder time getting mess all over the screen.

Also, a lot of these kids get out of bed after you're asleep and move to the couch. Check the couches before you freak out when they're missing.

You guys sound like me and my wife; she wanted to get into it years before I did because I was the worry-wart. She waited on me to come around to the idea before signing us up for the classes. We also wanted to go the foster-to-adopt route (well actually we just wanted to adopt, but you foster-to-adopt anyway in that process.)

My advise to you two is to go ahead and make plans to go through the fostering classes. Doing so doesn't commit you to fostering, you can still decide it isn't for you. The classes are indeed geared towards 'worst case scenario' which likely won't be your experience if you do actually foster, but they might bolster your resolve for committing to fostering after learning how bad these kids have it.

Since you are leaning more towards the foster-to-adopt side, my bet is you'll be exposed more towards older kids and sibling groups since generally they are more available for adoption than the little kids, but it's a conversation you'll need to have with your case worker since it varies by region.

Currently we have a 13 year old girl in our care, who is available for adoption, and it looks probable that we will adopt her. Another thing we weren't told in training is that we aren't necessarily rushed for time. I was thinking we'd have to decide to adopt her within a month or two, but in reality it appears we can take all the time we need.

Some books you guys may want to read:
Three little words

Twenty Things Adopted Kids wish their Adoptive parents knew

I agree with everyone's recommendations about therapy. I would also recommend Skills Training (sometimes called Life Skills or Skill Building) and not just because that's what I do for a living. I'm not sure if it's available in your area but basically when I get a referral it's typically because the youth's behavior is to a point where displacement is a distinct possibility. I do as thorough an assessment as possible - when do these episodes occur, where do they occur, etc - and then put what I learn through the Collaborative Problem Solving Assessment and Planning Tool to identify these situational factors as well as the lagging skills that contribute to the behaviors we're seeing. Then I put together a Service Plan which is very different kid to kid but the gist is we are going to do X, Y, Z (could be activities like board games, could be behavior modeling and coaching, etc) to address the lagging skills. I've managed to keep a lot of difficult kids in placements with these tools. Look into Skills Training in your area. Also, I'd recommend reading The Explosive Child and researching Collaborative Problem Solving.