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Top comments that mention products on r/infp:

u/ManicMonk · 5 pointsr/infp

Hi,

I did something similar a few times, following a hunch and throwing away the work of years.

There are many aspects to this I guess, but the thing which might be the most interesting right now would be: Why don't you want to finish this?

What's below the surface, what is lingering beyond the surface of wanting / not wanting something?

Would crashing and burning the whole thing now make it easier to reorient? Do you feel like you're going in a direction you are not sure you can manage to be in?

Do you feel like you'd like to have some time for yourself to figure it all out?

I think that if you can finish it in any way now you should try to. For your parents and for your future self. You can be proud that you finished something big, even if you didn't feel like it in the end. Which is a thing to be very much proud of I think.

I am often times taking the path of least resistance, but I know it and I am kind of concerned that I might be a quitter... at least some part of me feels like that. You could nip that in the bud now! :)

Also, be mindful of "Resistance" rearing its ugly head and trying hard to keep you from finishing, being its strongest when you almost reached the mountain top.

There is a great book called "The War Of Art": http://www.amazon.com/War-Art-Through-Creative-Battles/dp/1936891026/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1421863874&sr=8-1&keywords=the+war+of+art&pebp=1421863877374&peasin=1936891026 - which I feel is amazing.

Amazingly written, amazingly concise, to the point and giving you lots of examples to identify the snake that is resistance.

And it can give you the strength to power through it too, I think.

I don't have it here right now unfortunately, or I'd quote you the passages related to Resistance becoming stronger the closer you get to your goal.

So know, Resistance is real, cunning and strong, and is a force always coming at you right from the point you know you need to go in your life. So it is naturally strongest and will try to keep you from finishing when you're so close.

Doubts? Resistance.
Feeling unwell? Sit down and do the work. It's Resistance trying to keep you from working.
Relationship troubles? Resistance.
Too early? Too late? Resistance.


So, while Resistance tries to make it hard to reach your goal, it is at the same time the perfect compass: Just face into the direction of the biggest resistance, and you're going exactly where you're supposed to be going. You'll be at the mountain top faster when you're going towards the mountain, no?

And, at the end, some more compassionate advice again:

Maybe, if you're afraid that you are about to hit the last nail into your own coffin which is the rest of your life now by finishing this degree - if you feel like you're not sure if you are ready to start your career in the field you're currently in - maybe make a deal with yourself: If you finish this degree now, you'll give yourself some time to do nothing or reorient yourself and maybe find something else if you feel like it after all of this.

Maybe get some support in this direction, maybe you can talk with your parents or a friend or your partner about it - tell them how you're feeling and that you are gonna power through and finish this degree, but aren't not sure if you're entirely on the right track yet and that you're gonna allow yourself some rest and / or reorientation after your degree.

Maybe make a plan on what you'd like to do after your degree instead of immediately joining the workforce? And if, after your degree, you should find yourself suddenly full of motivation to start a career in you field, that'd be a nice surprise too, don't you think? :)

---

Best wishes, time to do the laundry, i'm procrastinating on that one for days now! That's probably why i'm wrote this too! I'm off to do it now, I promise! :)

u/Mark8931 · 2 pointsr/infp

I'm know I'm late to the party, but I'll share a brief story.

A few years ago I went on a weekend trip with some really close friends (we were 2 guys and 3 girls). We rented a cabin in a warm town, went to the pool,went for drinks, nice trip overall.

During a game (some dices with tasks to do to other players, just not the spicy ones), one of my friends got tasked with complimenting me. After a minute of thinking she told me I'm a nice guy. I wasn't sure why but I felt offended at that and it stuck in my head for a while.

After some thought and research, I found the book No More Mr Nice Guy (100% recommend it if you feel you are nice to people and don't get recognition for that).

Basically, sometimes when I thought I was been "nice", I was been manipulative from other's perspective. I expected others to return the favor and be nice to me without me making that clear; in my head there was a sort of contract between us after I did something for them, but only in my head. It seems like it should be common sense that I want others to be nice to me; but common sense is the least common of senses.

It's possible to be too nice. Offering help to people makes them feel indebted, which some don't like, and if I'm not clear what I expect in return, it can also make them uncomfortable. I used to go out of my way to find ways to help others, particularly if it was a girl I like, and didn't understand why they didn't like me back. I now know that being nice and feeling attracted to someone are not mutually inclusive; and people can resent you if you don't communicate properly what is it you want from them. Getting mad at other for not understanding doesn't help either.

​

From the book I learned that being nice and trying to fix other people's live so they'd like me are very different things. You cannot make others happy, you can only make yourself happy and share your happiness with others. Tough in all honesty, it still takes some effort to put into practice. Pay more attention to becoming a happy person, you can attract more people into your life.

​

I'm not sure if my situation is close or not to yours, but the lesson is you can still be nice while also paying less attention to being nice to others and instead being nice to yourself first.

u/jrg1610 · 1 pointr/infp

Granted it was written from a Christian/spiritual perspective, this book was very helpful to me and has great insights into how having boundaries in your life can protect/build your emotional wellness.

https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1498238099&sr=8-1&keywords=boundaries

I still think that any person, regardless of their belief system, will be able to glean useful principles from what is written in it.

My thoughts and experiences

I discovered that I used to be overly compliant for fear of controlling unpleasant emotions in other people's lives (whether or not the emotion is directed at me or not). Although it appears charitable, being overly compliant is just as much a form of controlling people's emotions for things that they should be responsible for. A part of stopping the over-compliance is by being okay with seeing people suffer the consequences of their actions even though you are ideally able to alleviate their pain.

While having loose boundaries makes you effective at putting out short-term fires in other people's lives, what happens is that your emotional well-being smolders from being exposed to so many fires and you begin to get emotional "burns" over time. It is certain useful in the short-term, but damaging and unsustainable for an individual in the long-term.

As far as I know, this kind of behavior is difficult to troubleshoot for an INFP because their compliance is a natural emergent from the wonderful care an INFP can have for other human beings. It's basically learning to learn to turn off a part of you by realizing that standing up for yourself does not always spell the end of relationships, and it is necessary in the care of self. In fact, it works as a great filtering mechanism for keeping unwanted people out of your life because healthy people will still stick around and respect your differences and the manipulative people will leave when they realize they can't control you.

I think one of the most useful ways for an INFP to look at the conflicts that emerge from setting boundaries and limits on others is that conflict can be used as an opportunity for self-expression. It shows where one person ends and you begin, and an INFP should generally be excited for any opportunity for self-expression (lol!).

The personalityhacker podcast has recently had some interesting information on setting boundaries, an I'm sure most of the information I've shared has been from my experiences of considering the advice I've heard on that podcast and the book I linked before. I still have a lot more work to do, too.

This is the podcast:
http://www.personalityhacker.com/podcast-episode-0177-setting-healthy-boundaries-with-merja-sumiloff/

You seem to be an ENTJ who is doing a good job at being yourself—you understand the end-result of a behavior and that is a good enough reason for you to establish boundaries without a care otherwise. Your INFP friend, however, needs to have the reason for a change in their behavior build from the bottom-up, from an authentic place. It's not as effective of a process at yours is, but it'll bring a lot of health into other areas of their lives in processing it in the way an INFP needs to. So thank you for looking out for your friend and seeking out help on their behalf.

u/PrettyCoolGuy · 1 pointr/infp
  1. Skinny does not mean healthy. It doesn't necessarily mean unhealthy, but bear in mind that many skinny people are just as unhealthy as obese people.

  2. IMO, a simple definition of "healthy" is rather hard to pinpoint. But I would suggest a baseline of being able to a mile in under 10 minutes, do 10 pushups and touch your toes when you bend over. If you can do those 3 things you are probably in decent shape. And you probably know enough about how your body works to pursue other fitness goals, like running a marathon. And that's something anyone can do, if they really feel like it.

  3. You don't need to run marathons, though. All you need is 30 to 60 minutes of moderate physical activity. This could be almost anything. A brisk walk. A bike ride. Swimming. Weight lifting. Hiking (bonus points if you carry a pack).

    When it comes to exercise, it doesn't really matter WHAT you did. It matters THAT you did.

  4. Figure out a way to get yourself on an exercise routine. Interested in running? Then check out the Couch to 5K. You could be running your first 5K race in 6 weeks! Hate running? Well, so does everyone else. But if you REALLY hate it, you could look into Starting Strength Or get a bike. Or go hiking.

    It really doesn't matter what you do. But it matters a lot if you do or if you don't.

  5. Learn to cook. I can help you with this. I'm a fabulous cook and nothing I make is "fancy". I just know how to cook really good, really healthy, really easy foods. Yesterday, I made a vegan cream of mushroom soup that would knock your socks off. It was fairly easy and it is very good.

    Cooking will save you money, promote good health and romantic partners LOVE it when you know how to cook.

    I know it sounds like a lot of big changes. But it is really a lot of small changes. Set yourself up for success! Don't try to do too much, too soon. If you make lots of small steps, you'll get there.

    "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"
u/elementary_vision · 1 pointr/infp

Yeah that's a bullshit answer. Most people give crap answers anyway, you're better off not paying any attention to them.

It definitely stings when you work hard on something and post it and it gets no attention. In fact I went through that exact thing with a track recently. My best piece of advice, work hard. Don't burn yourself out, but really focus on getting those ideas down and pushing your comfort zone. Don't feel the need to release everything you make. Sit on it for a while, move on to something else, come back to it. If you're still really feeling it, post it. Otherwise leave it be. I know it can feel like one massive race at times with people creating tons and tons of art that people love and it hurts to see that and come to the realization you're pretty far off from there. But run your own race. Measure yourself with how well you've improved compared to yourself in the past, not successful people.

I know this gets posted A TON, but this ira glass video is so spot on. ira glass

And this book has really helped me out

If you want to bounce ideas or talk about creative roadblocks like these feel free to message me anytime. This stuff can get really isolating and depressing fast. Even more so if you don't have people in your life that understand the passion behind your artistic pursuits. When it comes to artists a lot of people are ignorant about how much blood, sweat, and tears goes into that work. That's why you have to shut out the opinions of people who aren't on the same level as you.

u/WhiteTigerZimri · 7 pointsr/infp

I do think INFPs and ISFPs can get stuck in the "nice guy (TM)" stereotype because they often are passive and don't ask women out. They tend to befriend women, drop lots of subtle hints over time, and hope for the best... then when they confess feelings, they get upset if the woman isn't into them.

My recommendation is - ask women out sooner rather than later, whenever possible. Tell them you like them early on, if there is some attraction there, so you don't spend months getting your hopes up for nothing. Also remember that your emotions and feelings are your responsibility, not anyone else's. If you can't manage your emotions effectively, do some reading about emotional regulation skills and consider seeing a therapist.

For more tips, I'd recommend Dr Nerdlove's blog as he has a lot of great advice about avoiding the "nice guy (TM)" behaviour. Models by Mark Manson and No More Mr Nice Guy are a great books if you want to get better at dating women and being more assertive.

u/Mind0fWinter · 1 pointr/infp

I have the exact same problem in my life. I grew up thinking I'd one day be able to take hold of all those cool movie-ideas I had and make them real. Still hasn't happened, and it aches deep down. Sometime I feel like I'm not even a failure because I never really tried. I feel like if only I'd let myself try, I might be amazing at something and discover my real passion. That's all I really want in life...to find my passion. I discovered this program at Barnes and Noble and I'm on Week 1 right now. There's this tool in there called the "morning pages" that seriously does seem to work. It's been hyped quite a bit, so I decided to try it and settle its claims to praise: The Artist's Way: A course in recovering and discovering your creative self

u/pradeep23 · 2 pointsr/infp

We all have our short-comings and limitation. Also we have our uniqueness. We must look at things that we do right. Where we have a flow. We must seek knowledge and wisdom. Philosophy. These things makes us better. Rather they reveal the best parts of us.

Here are some books that have helped me:

  • Stephen Covey 7 habits

  • The Power of Now Eckhart Tolle

  • The Art of Power- Thich Nhat Hanh

  • Listen to Alan Watts & Jiddu Krishnamurti

  • The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything

    Here are some things I have saved that I read on and off

    "What you need now to do is, to check how much you are on the feeling level and how much on the thought level. Most are, and naturally, on the thought level because that is our comfort zone. We have to act on that level. It is the functional level. We need it to study, operate, plan, achieve and so many other things like research, analysis, But we need the feeling level to relate to others. Sadly this is much neglected and we use our thought level to deal with others. we are not in touch with our feelings. To be a sensitive person we need our feelings. We will even rationalize away our feelings. So this is the beginning. "

    "Feed your head." -Grace Slick

    Where you are headed is more important than how fast you're going, yet people are consumed with speed rather than direction.

    Concentrate every minute on doing what's in front of you with precise and genuine seriousness, tenderly, willingly, with justice. And on freeing yourself from all other distractions. Yes, you can, if you do everything as if it were the last thing you were doing in your life, and stop being aimless, stop letting your emotions override what your mind tells you, stop being hypocritical, self-centered, irritable. You see how few things you have to do to live a satisfying and reverent life? If you can manage this, that's all even the gods can ask of you.
    -- Marcus Aurelius

    Check /r/Stoicism or r/meditation

    The bad things, don't do them.
    The good things, try to do them.
    Try to purify, subdue your mind.
    That is teaching of all buddhas.

    "If you are becoming a more patient, kinder, and less violent person, you are truly learning life's lessons."

    Be a Wanderer and find the inner master that lies dormant within you.

u/2cow · 2 pointsr/infp

just popping in to say please read james thurber he is the greatest humorist of all time i swear. also, the secret life of walter mitty is nothing like most of his stories, which are almost all straightforwardly hilarious.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Thurber-Carnival-James/dp/0060932872

i haven't seen this movie or anything but yeah \^ good place to start

(i also couldn't believe it when i heard someone had made a MOVIE out of a short story that takes place over like 5 min but i'm afraid to go see how they did it)

u/iamstevetay · 5 pointsr/infp

I'm an INFP as well and have gone through a situation that was very similar to what you are describing. It sounds like you're emotionally exhausted.

Like any kind of exhaustion you need to rest. And if everyday you are exhausted, then you need to make time to rest each day.

I have found that it is necessary for me to have time alone, away from everybody, to recharge those "feeling" batteries. That plus ensuring I have a full restful night's sleep. Whenever I notice that I'm feeling sad, as an almost default emotion, there's a 99% chance I haven't been getting enough sleep, and/or I haven't had enough time to myself.

It's really important to make this resting time a priority. I know that's the hard part because INFP's instinctively want to help others. Sometimes we give too much and we feel selfish taking time for ourselves. We need to take time for ourselves so that we can recharge. Once we recharge we can give our attention to others, but if we give too much then we become exhausted.

I found this book, 'Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking' by Susan Cain (https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0307352153/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1497698234&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=quiet+the+power+of+introverts+in+a+world+that+can%27t+stop+talking&dpPl=1&dpID=517rtAtrHzL&ref=plSrch) very helpful.

I also found seeing a therapist helped me better understand myself. Maybe that would help you too.

I hope this helps.

u/mikneleh · 2 pointsr/infp

In addition to 16personalities, I also took tests at personalityhacker.com, truity.com, personalityperfect.com, personalitymax.com, and onlinepersonalitytests.org.

For books, I just started reading Late Bloomers and plan to read Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World and The Comprehensive INFP Survival Guide next.

I also find the blog posts at Introvert Dear and Psychology Junkie very helpful.

EDIT: fixed some of the links

u/abcdefg123abc123 · 1 pointr/infp

I’m guessing a good place to start is with attachment styles. I used to feel/be similar to you, and learning about how I attach to others helped me create healthy relationships and deal with the childhood abuse. Here’s a book to consider. Hugs... you are definitely not worthless.

u/MoodyMcSorley · 5 pointsr/infp

There is nothing noble in enabling irresponsibility in other people. Set boundaries with your friends and don't let them make their responsibilities yours.

Tell them to ask for their own damn napkins and keep yours to yourself.

btw, I like this book a lot. If you find this pattern with your friends, you might be dealing with lack of boundaries in other areas of your life, so I recommend giving this a read. (I'd suggest every human being read it, especially idealists like NFs)

https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454

u/InterStellarPnut · 5 pointsr/infp

Yeah this is called Journey to the Heart

It has bunch of good meditations. I snapped a picture of the one at my yoga studio.

u/Thot_Contagion · 3 pointsr/infp

Here's the one I have. I use it to get around campus, it works just fine for me. I replaced the bearings with nicer ones because one was dented

u/Duvall1138 · 2 pointsr/infp

You might try reading the Four Agreements. It gave me a lot of insight into my social interactions.

http://www.toltecspirit.com/

http://www.amazon.com/The-Four-Agreements-Practical-Personal/dp/1878424319

u/clipclopdontstop · 4 pointsr/infp

I'd say this isn't an INFP thing since I've never been this way and other INFPs I've known haven't either. I'd say it's an avoidant attachment style and would recommend this [book] (http://www.amazon.com/Attached-Science-Adult-Attachment-YouFind/dp/1585429139). If you're skeptical, this is based on decades of psych research, so it's not some self-help bs. I could be wrong, but I think it would be worth looking into...

u/eyeenneffpee · 4 pointsr/infp

Tog once observed that, while MBTI intuitives only make up 25% of the general population, they made up 75% of engineers at Apple, and other obscenely high percentages of non-engineering roles there.

Of course, mid-1980's Apple was not exactly your typical computer company.

u/zerthbound · 1 pointr/infp

I'm drinking the Starting Strength Kool-Aid. So far, so good.


u/somewheretrumpets · 1 pointr/infp

The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Presentation_of_Self_in_Everyday_Life


How to Disappear: Erase Your Digital Footprint, Leave False Trails, And Vanish Without A Trace
http://www.amazon.com/How-Disappear-Digital-Footprint-Without/dp/1599219778

u/Altilana · 3 pointsr/infp

Read Art & Fear, a really clear short book that addresses all of the issues in making art, fear of failure, fear of success, inadequacy. You'll struggle with fear for the rest of your life, and it's a great book to come back to over and over.
Here is the Google Doc version, though I still suggest the actual book is better to have on hand.

u/_namaste · 1 pointr/infp

Check out Art & Fear along with The War of Art.

Tons of good things to say about these books as someone whose perfectionistic brain has ruined many projects by screaming "worthless, pointless" over and over again.

u/vickylovesims · 3 pointsr/infp

Can I ask if you're a man or a woman? I think there's a chance that you could relate to this essay regardless by Leslie Jamison called "The Grand Unified Theory of Female Pain." I think the title of the essay should really just be 'The Grand Unified Theory of Pain' because I think the things she talks about feeling in this essay are pretty universal. Leslie Jamison has been through some tough times (her eating disorder and the surgery she had for her heart condition come to mind), but she talks about always feeling like her pain wasn't worth feeling, writing about, or talking about. I think at some level we're always going to feel like our pain isn't valid because there's always somebody who's been through something objectively worse than we have. Leslie believes that all pain is valid, no matter how "common" the life experience is that's causing you pain. Going through a bad breakup, an example that Leslie uses in the essay, is a hard, sad, character-building experience. Why shouldn't you allow yourself to claim that pain, to look back on that time in your life and say that was hard, but I grew from it? Those long periods of time that you spent feeling like shit... I'm sure that was hard. Don't invalidate your pain. There are some people out there arguing that even the best lives are painful and hard.

Leslie also talks about, either in this essay or one of the other essays in her book The Empathy Exams, how she sometimes wished for bad things to happen to her. I could talk about this essay forever, but it really helped me, so I think you should just read it. Leslie articulates this argument that all pain is valid a whole lot better than I do anyway!