Top products from r/intj

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u/bitchimadorable · 60 pointsr/intj

It seems like there's some pretty deep wounds there. If I had to hazard a guess, he was probably pretty emotionally manipulative, am I right? So here's the thing- People who are good at emotional manipulation will leave you feeling COMPLETELY GODDAMN INSANE. They create almost a feeling of addiction in the people they manipulate- it makes no sense and you can hate the shit out of it but it still works. They do this by using intermittent reinforcement with their approval and affection, and our brains pick this up like it's crack. In the absence of being able to predict what actions will bring reward, we almost panic, and end up behaving in ways that don't make sense to even ourselves. People like that can take totally normal, healthy people and make them feel like they're going insane.

Breathe. It's your brain responding the way brains naturally responds to intermittent reinforcement in intensely stressful situations. Your brain has created this link that he will provide approval and affection if you can only get the pattern right, and you're trying to get that dopamine hit from his affection and approval by any means you can think of. You're not broken, you're not fucked up in the head, your brain is doing one of the annoying little things that brains do sometimes and you will be okay without him. I know that's really hard to fathom, but think of it like this: your dopamine rush when you got affection and attention from him was so strong that your brain is almost literally treating him like an addiction. It's not love, your brain has been conditioned by his manipulation into a state of obsession. Intermittent reinforcement is the strongest reinforcement pattern, and lasts long after it feels like it "should" have ceased.

I think it might hit NT types even a little harder than other types, because our Fi is so intense but very difficult to express and explain, and we pride ourselves so strongly on our rationality. We often lock our feelings up because they can be so vicious and blistering, so when we let anyone in and we get that first hit of approval, our brain kind of loses its shit and knocks us sideways and sucks the air out of our lungs. Our brains are so pattern hungry that intermittent reinforcement is almost irresistible- we want to figure out the pattern, we feel like we've almost got it, if only we could put in the last piece.

So, if you're looking for a hint as to what the pattern is, it's control. It's not random. He will give you a breadcrumb as long as he wants to string you along, dropping one every time you start to distance yourself even a little. Learn about the cycle of abuse, especially narcissistic abuse, and you'll find the answer there. From breadcrumbs to freezing out to love bombing, it's a pattern designed to fuck with your brain and make you lose your emotional balance.

You will heal. It will feel better, but the only way out is through. Face your inner emotional damage, whatever you've got, and learn more about your own emotional processing- enough to understand how you tick and what sets off this kind of reaction in your brain. Keep talking to your therapist. Start reading books on emotional abuse patterns and on psychology, find your pattern there instead of in him.

You'll be okay. You know at some level you will be. Soldier through and work on your internal stuff and you'll get there, and will be better for it. Use your brain to beat your own brain on this.


Edit: OP, look up Complex PTSD and see if it strikes a chord. A good book if you're looking for one for is The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, and resources for adult children of alcoholics would probably be pretty helpful. I would definitely recommend trauma therapy- it is probably your best bet for longer term healing, even if you do DBT first. EMDR may help, too, if you can find a therapist who works with it (many trauma therapists do). If you dissociate at all, try grounding techniques like this to get back to your more rational center. If anxiety is a big part of it for you, it's highly treatable with therapy focusing on tools and techniques to calm and ground yourself, and there are TONS of resources on the internet.

Your emotions may not make sense to you, but they aren't illogical, they exist to guide you and to give you information about the world. They may be out of proportion, but that's due to the thought processes you have and the story you're telling yourself. They're perfectly proportional to what your thoughts/self-talk are saying to you, so you have to adjust the internal dialogue to be more objective in order to make your emotions more useful and in proportion. Buddhism as a philosophy is great for helping with this, it's like the softer side of Stoicism with more focus on being kind and present. A good book on finding and correcting cognitive distortions (the self-talk that makes your emotions go nuts) is Feeling Good by David Burns (It's almost DBT lite).

u/thelastcubscout · 3 pointsr/intj

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work should help your Ni compare actual behaviors in your relationships with a model of a successful marriage. The researcher-authors claim that they can predict divorce with 91% accuracy.

8 Keys to Self-leadership is written by an INTJ and gives you a healthy model of an INTJ against which to compare. You self-rate in use of the various cognitive functions, and have the opportunity to complete exercises that help enhance your use of the same. The author suggests cognitive functions for INTJs to develop. IMO it is crucial to work toward best-use of your first two cognitive functions at least in order to be able to solve relationship problems in a healthy way. Many of us use Ni and Te for example, but are far from an understanding of what Te actually means, so we might end up swinging over to a paranoid Ni+Fi assessment of the relationship if we are in an argument with a Fe user.

I have also found the book Just Your Type immensely helpful as it gives best-fit tips for relationships between each type. I took a photo of the tips for communicating with my SO and pinned them to my phone's home screen.

Regarding INTJ weaknesses, the biggest weakness IMO would be trying to BLT (Be Like Them--someone else, per Linda Berens) and not develop your own INTJ skills before emulating others. INTJs can be very successful in relationships. Prior to knowing I was an INTJ, I pushed myself to solve problems in ways that were not common to INTJs, and as a result felt a lot of frustration when those methods didn't work. Currently I use original frameworks (Ti) and measurement techniques like spreadsheeting (Te) to help maintain my relationships, and it works really well. It's comfortable and uses my natural gifts. As an example, I broke down my SO's interests into various categories and sort of rotate through them in our online chats, making sure to engage her inferior function when she's stressed out, etc. Not to be manipulative, just to help her get more of what she wants out of life.

You may also benefit from reading up on Socionics. It helps me to have a model for the "type" of relationship in which I'm involved in any given context. There isn't a lot on relationship development or type development available from the Socionics end, so it can seem kinda depressing in a way, but that information can be found through other sources like the books above.

Relationships always came naturally to me. However, blunders came even more naturally. Hopefully I'm doing less of the latter nowadays. :-) Hope this helps!

u/kratomdescriber000 · 13 pointsr/intj

I had a similar experience in elementary school and high school, but I got lucky and found people like me in college.

Since college (that's 14 years ago now), I have found a few wonderful people who enrich my life in the way that you're wishing for.

Here's my advice. Two pieces.

  1. Train your social skills. Read books and then practice in real life. A couple of good ones to start with are Please Understand Me and Captivate. You have to be able to get to know people if you want to get to know great people. It didn't come naturally to me; I had to treat it as a set of skills like metalworking, but I get better every year.

  2. Less than 1% of the population is nice, interesting, intelligent idea-people. You've got to meet hundreds of people and talk to them enough to find out whether they're nice/jerks, interesting/boring, and ideas-people/people-people. You've got to meet lots and lots and lots of people to find a few suitable ones. So don't get your hopes up that there will be any in your fifteen work colleagues; that's not realistic. Too small of a sample. Plan on joining clubs, going to events, and trying out a lot of different places before you find some. They're out there, you just have to do something to find them.
u/WhatWhatWhatWhyWhy · 3 pointsr/intj

couple thoughts...

One, like others said, getting counseling is a good idea. Also, this book seems decent. I personally do much better depression-wise when I have plenty of sunlight. You can substitute sunlight with certain artificial bulbs online. I also find taking supplements helps, including Vitamin B and L-Tyrosine, but especially L-Tyrosine. I have also recently started raw juicing (note that most juice is pasteurized), and have read many people do very well on it, and they get a lot of energy from it. See this film to see the benefits of raw juice. It's expensive to buy raw juice from juice bars, (I'm paying $5 to $7 for 16 ounces...) but it's much cheaper if you buy a high wattage machine and start juicing on your own, and then bring the juice in a glass bottle with you to work. Alternatively, you can buy "lightly" pasteurized juices from the grocery store (Naked juice), but some of the nutrients may have been destroyed. Better to drink raw juice if you can.

Two, you can start planning for financial independence now. See /r/financialindependence for more info. That will help the future look brighter. How long would it take you to purchase property outright and pay for groceries / property taxes for the rest of your life? Once you reach that point, your time belongs to you, and you can focus even more on whatever interests you.

Three, regarding learning to code: have you considered just starting by watching video tutorials? You can watch them pretty mindlessly. Set a goal to watch one a day, for ten minutes, just before bed or during dinner. One of my recent favorites is React/React Native with Stephen Grider on Udemy, and the courses are very cheap there ($20 for like 8 hours or more of material). You can search nearly any subject you're interested in. If I may offer a piece of advice: start learning Javascript and React. They are likely going to be around for a long time, and there are signs it will take over native development soon, too.

u/HudsonOhHudson · 2 pointsr/intj

I have two whiteboards as well, i find them more useful for scheduling with upcoming social events, parties, coffee dates, practical classes.

So the reason why i have a flashcard system with multiple draws is to improve my spaced repetition (see Rate of Forgetting)

I've never really had any trouble remembering daily news, but then again i don't pay that much attention to it, but for scientific journal articles i print them out and highlight sections i find useful to review later on in the same day - then put them into a filing cabinet, it's unlikely i'll need to know that information for everyday purposes, but if something sparks my memory related to that subject i'll review it as soon as i can.

If you want to start developing a better memory - there is this book which can teach you some wonderful ways to use your memory.

edit: I prefer real paper flashcards over programs like Anki because writing it by hand has been proven to increase retention more so than typing them out. The link for the paper seems to be broken but here is an article explaining it.

Also reading on paper is better than digital

u/Mooshaq · 2 pointsr/intj

>Has therapy been helpful for you INTJ's with depression?

Yes. I highly recommend it. You can talk with the psychotherapist briefly first to see if they would work as your "mental health provider," and if not, you can go try a different one.

I saw a therapist for a year near the end of high school because of massive depression. She helped me immensely move through my own shit, recommended future plans, and got me to read a few really good books, such as this one. Note that this book does not apply to all INTJs, but I think a lot of you could identify with what is inside it.

I'm actually about to go back to a therapist because I've got a few things in my life that I cannot seem to work out myself (not for lack of trying). I've got a "trial appointment" with him next week. I'm super busy with school, so I don't have time to dedicate several hours per week to working through this stuff on my own. Of course some psychotherapists may only be able to help you as much as you can help you, but they can usually do it much more quickly and much more efficiently. Others can help you more than you can help yourself (at least in your present condition).

u/adrun · 2 pointsr/intj

Sure, but Meyers Briggs types don't describe the kinds of things you're interested in or how good of a person you are. You can have an INTJ that loves fantasy novels and an INTJ that will only read non-fiction. You can have an INTJ that is totally Machiavellian and an INTJ whose first principles are kindness and compassion.

Meyers Briggs just describes (or lumps people into categories with common discriptions) how you primarily perceive information and process that information. There has been limited research into how Meyers Briggs types manifest neurologically. Correlation is not causation, but as soon as you start having basic physical phenotypes (straight, brown hair) it makes sense to look for a born-that-way reason. The equivalent of curling or dying your hair would be developing your lower functions (Fi, Se), but you'd still be dominantly Ni, Te.

u/Mrkingofstuff · 21 pointsr/intj

I (and every student ever) had the exact same problem, with needing to remember pointless terms and facts for a stupidly short amount of time. If the issue is purely to do with memorisation, I can suggest some methods I used to get through an insanely vapid last year of high school.

In Business Studies for example, there were a whole bunch of operational influences we needed to remember. By simply shortening the words into one random phrase I made up, I managed to remember it all - actually I still remember it 7 months on: GloTech QuaLeg CorpGov CostEnv; which was Globalisation, Technology, Quality Assurance, Legal, Corporate Social Responsibility, Government, Cost-Based Competition and Environment. For something so asinine, I simply would not have been able to remember those 8 words in exam conditions without this method. And I applied this to about 8 different sections of 6-8 terms, it all worked for me. The key is to make it something which you yourself made up and thus something you yourself will remember. If it's something sexual or offensive, doubles your chance of retaining the knowledge.

Similarly, just stringing terms/numbers together is a good way to save some mental memory. I remember one weekend learning Pi to 100 digits. It always impresses people, and is a guaranteed method to get any lady/man you want. Seriously, I have dropped so many wet panties by simply uttering that string of numbers. Anyway, so people are like 'What?! How do you do it?!'. The trick which got me to 100, is to simply remember them in stings. I don't know Pi as 3 then point then 1 then 4 then 1 then 5 then 9 then 2 then etc. - I know it as 3.141 - 592 - 65358 - 9793 - 2384 - 6264 - 3383 - 2795 and so on. So instead of 100 individual numbers, it's more like 25 strings, which is a lot easier.

There was also the memory palace technique, which you can learn more about here. But basically, since humans are predominately visual, creating a visual image of what you need to remember is incredibly effective. The idea is that you visualise a place, say a building or a road which you are incredibly familiar with. And in this 'palace', you mentally place certain 'objects' which are intended to trigger certain terms, eg. if I needed to remember the date 1776 and relate it to America, I would place a scantily clad George Bush with 1776 written across his bare chest. That is an image I will definitely not forget. And the idea is to have an imagined route through your 'palace' full of these 'objects', and if you are able to recall this absurd creation, you should be able to recall all the facts and terms which are enclosed therein.

All this basic information is coming from a book I read a few years back called Moonwalking with Einstein; great read if you or anyone else are curious to learn more about memory, mnemonics and whatnot. Hopefully some of this is of help to you.

Tl;dr: No, but here are some ways of making it less painful.

u/RezFox · 3 pointsr/intj

I'm so sorry that happened to you. It sounds wildly abusive, and I hope you can look into talk therapy at a minimum. You may be suffering from a form of complex PTSD, but of course there's no way anyone can diagnose just based on one anonymous post and I am not a doctor. It may however benefit you to at least look into.


There is also this book that may help:


I hope it's ok to respond with these sorts of things - don't mean to force recommendations on you. Hope you're doing ok

u/mastermindwoof · 1 pointr/intj

I have solution for you, if you want to learn how to provide women more value, and hence be more attracted to you. Read the logical and practical book: Models: Attract Women Through Honesty.

Wish you success with the women.

u/vatsvision · 1 pointr/intj

From what you're describing, I would recommend The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over over any other book.


This is the best and most up-to-date book on body language. If given the decision, you should choose to read this before you read What Every Body Is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People.

u/roland00 · 1 pointr/intj

Does your rut have lots of good, healthy, Se (Extroverted Sensing) experiences that do not stress you out and you actually find neutral to enjoyable?

I ask for what you describe is a human thing, but if it has a lot of healthy Se things it is one of the things related to be an IN_J where it bothers you more than most people. This is because we as IN_Js use Se to monitor our energy levels, our frustration levels, and act as a gas gauge. Now things that we find frustrating / noxious / etc can drain us of energy and cause us to enter something called the GRIP but, healthy Se experiences do the opposite and healthy Se experiences is one of the several ways you can escape from the GRIP.




All humans have a type of the GRIP and there are 8 types of the GRIP experiences for the GRIP is related to your 1st and 4th function with MBTI. A good book on this subject is this one.

An EN_P's style of GRIP is similar but different than the IN_J's style of GRIP, and it is very different than an ISFPs and INFPs style of GRIP and so on.

u/KelsayGrammar · 2 pointsr/intj

Have you read Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto yet? You must.

Don't worry about whether you "appear" boring to others. They have no idea of all the thoughts and ideas that flood our minds. You just need to find people like yourself, people who don't need others for energy or to feel alive like extroverts do.

You're in college so you might think that if you're not hanging out at the frat parties or you're not hanging out in the popular people's dorm rooms shootin' the shit with everyone else, that you're being anti-social. Been there, done that. Find the club—or start one (get an extrovert to help you spread the word)—that organizes relatively small groups to play board games (the people who gravitate to board game nights are usually our type of people). There are other introverts at college who do want to spend some time around others—but not a lot (need that recharge time)—to have deep discussions, talk about current events in meaningful ways, or maybe get a pizza and watch a favorite movie.

We're loners, but that doesn't mean we're alone (big distinction!). You will find your soul mate who gets you, who understands what it's like to be you, and he or she will likely not be an extrovert.

u/zapbark · 4 pointsr/intj

To piggy back on this, I really recommend this book:

Despite the name, it doesn't necessarily promote apathy.

But it does promote a more conscious view of what we choose to care about, and a method for self-questioning whether those choices are helpful.

It is a quick and fun read with a lot of interesting ideas.

u/Sideyr · 3 pointsr/intj

Brains are funny things and sometimes they need training, like any other part of the body. I would suggest either seeing a psychologist, or getting something like this: which starts with a way to somewhat self-diagnose depressive thinking and treat it on your own with cognitive behavioral therapy.

Psychology is interesting to learn about regardless, even if you don't think you're depressed.

Another interesting read:

u/MSCantrell · 8 pointsr/intj

Some people do this stuff instinctively. Some of us have to treat it as a skill.

So I got a lot of value out of books on this stuff. I read about the techniques, I practiced them, and I do ok.

Here are two really good ones:

Captivate by Vanessa Van Edwards


What Every BODY is Saying by Joe Navarro

You can improve these skills; they're just skills!

u/SurelyYouFaust · 2 pointsr/intj

I had to pull out my copy to look this up. I recalled “Types” was first published in 1921, but Jung published different editions and refined his theory in later editions, the last of which is 1949. In the first Swiss edition’s foreword, 1921, Jung remarks that the work and theory are grounded in his psychiatry work over the last twenty years. The printing I have is from 1976 and purchased at a remarkable price of $.25.

Jung references Friedrich Schiller as the earliest known (to Jung) person to start systematically typing people according to their external behaviors.


Dario Nardi did some interesting work on trying to map-link Jungian cognitive functions (and sadly, MBTI) to brain areas using Electroencephalography. You can find him on YouTube or here’s a book he wrote about it:

I tagged multiple people because they might be interested and I wasn’t exactly sure how to reply to all that posted underneath this comment and its children.







u/z2727 · 2 pointsr/intj
u/ColorOfSpace · 1 pointr/intj

The Definitive Guide To Body Language

I've been reading here and there for years but this is the only book I have. I think it's far from definitive, but it has a lot of good stuff in it. You will probably find that you already know more than you think you do and you will become more perceptive just by becoming aware.

I've also heard good things about What Every BODY Is Saying. I haven't read it yet but it's on my list.

Also, because this is an MBTI subreddit I will include this. Facial Expressions Of The 8 Functions. I noticed a while ago that each type looked a certain way but was never able to fully break it down until I found this website. I find Ne users to be the most obvious.

u/lizard_b · 1 pointr/intj

Ok, but like $10? $25? Would help for making suggestions.

here are a few useful things:

u/jvlpdillon · 2 pointsr/intj

I read this biography about Elon musk. He is definitely an interesting person. While I respect him in many ways and he is certainly going to either directly or indirectly change the world, he is an asshole. For example, there was a story about an employee that was asked to take on an impossible task. The employee came back in defeat. Musk fired him and did the job himself. Musk's mind is amazing, his personal skills are surely lacking.

u/Chaseshaw · 2 pointsr/intj

I actually love it. I kinda geek out over it. check out things like:

for instance, did you know the boiling point of table salt is about 230 degrees F? if you're cooking something about to go into the oven above that temp, you'll never taste the salt. save it and salt after at the table, or switch to sea salt, which boils hotter.

u/7121958041201 · 1 pointr/intj

I didn't even really start getting a decent handle on things until I was ~25ish (until then I kind of just distracted myself with things like video games to bury my feelings... which in retrospect sounds like a completely stereotypical INTJ move), so don't worry, you have plenty of time :)

And you're right, experience is huge. In addition I also recommend meditation (/r/meditation), cognitive behavioral therapy (basically learning to identify your thoughts that don't make any sense so you can argue against them, I liked this book), and really just having your life together in general (e.g. good sleep, eating, exercise, social, and study habits... which of course is much easier said than done haha).

If you have counseling available at your school, personally I also find that stuff extremely useful. I doubt there's anyone in the world that wouldn't benefit from having an hour with a professional trained to help you solve your problems, even though there's a negative stigma associated with it.

u/party-of-one-sdk · 1 pointr/intj

There is a great book I read about 8 years ago that really speaks to those of us who are comfortable with being alone. It is called Party of One: The Loner's Manifesto by Annell Rufus. Here is the amazon link. You can read the intro there. It was the inspiration for my handle.

It is quite uplifting, and is excellent at describing how the introvert is not at fault but can have a fulfilling life with this trait. It is also quite informative for extroverts trying to understand introverts.

u/jak0b345 · 1 pointr/intj

waitbutwhy has a series of 5 very detailed blog posts about him that explain who he is and what he wants to accomplish with tesla and spacex (and why those accomplishments are important).

DISCLAIMER: these blog post are really long, more like a short book than a blog post.

if that is not enough there is also a biography written by ashlee vance

u/AD1337 · 2 pointsr/intj

Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns teaches you the basics of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), which is a great tool against depression and for, you know, feeling good.

u/TheSobadef · 1 pointr/intj

No worries! I came across it after reading his book Models

Best of luck in your research!

u/dejoblue · 1 pointr/intj

Baa, baa, black sheep. Don't bleach your wool or join the wolves like others posting in this thread are suggesting.

Instead, realize that you are a shepherd.

I don't have an answer for you. I am as broken as any other such person in your predicament. However, I have found solace in understanding.

To that end, in this very subreddit a couple of days ago there was a decent discussion on this topic: Existential Depression in Gifted Children and Adults

As well, these resources have helped me understand my childhood and how to cope as an adult. I hope they serve you well.

u/CircadianRadian · 5 pointsr/intj

Buy him this as a breakup gift.

u/paddywhack · 10 pointsr/intj

> exes can be friends

I believe this too.

Getting back to your original post, my biggest insight for co-habitation and making things work, under the context of MBTI and Jungian psychology, is to identify and understand each others Inferior Functions and be able to consciously recognize when the other is influenced by it and have some method to mitigate the situation.

My last relationship, ENFJ & INTJ pair bond, there would often be a flair-up surrounding her Inferior Thinking (Ti) and my sometimes overbearing Extraverted Thinking (Te) that would cause her to feel overwhelmed and panic. Things that require zero effort for me would often cause her enormous stress, taxes, money, debts, things that require careful thought and consideration can be easily swept under the rug and ignored. Meanwhile, I succumb to Extraverted Sensing (Se) influences and can get incredible overwhelmed in new social settings which she absolutely adored being a dominant Extraverted Feeler, connecting with everyone around her. I would often feel burnt out from what I felt was frivolous social conversation.

Surprisingly my tertiary feeling (Fi) was not as big an impediment to a relationship as was when I was younger when I felt no one understood me. Fe dominant types can pull those feels out of you, and I am grateful for everything I have learned from her over the last three years in that regard.


To that end, I highly recommend this book OP : Was That Really Me - How Everyday Stress Brings Out Our Hidden Personality

u/score_ · 2 pointsr/intj

If you're into this kind of stuff, check out the book What Every BODY is Saying on nonverbal communication written by a former FBI interrogator. It's almost not even fair the advantages you have in social situations knowing this kind of stuff.

u/coastAL_- · 9 pointsr/intj

It's trash and it promotes social interaction solely as sexual conquest, coupled with a borderline red pill mentality that's also trash. Erik Von Markovik is also walking cringe. It's hard to find anything relatively positive about PUA.

Some people will put Models in the PUA bucket, but it's also an interesting read if you want to detect more bullshit.

u/WanderingJones · 1 pointr/intj

The things that helped me (as a previously severely depressed INTJ):

  • Getting a job. Obviously this isn't going to apply to everyone, but I was unemployed for over a year and it was terrible. It's just so easy to feel like shit when you have no purpose, reason to get up, or consistent event to organize your life around. This is also why I'm going to join a bunch of volunteer organizations as soon as I retire (in 40 years).
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I read Feeling Good and started doing the triple column method in that. That has helped immensely with getting rid of beliefs I know logically make no sense.
  • Meditation. I don't recommend mindfulness meditation when you are depressed, though. It tends to bring out whatever is depressing you (which for me made me much more depressed for a few days after trying it). I would start with concentration and loving kindness meditation and add mindfulness when you feel better.
  • I went to a therapist. He didn't really tell me anything I didn't know (I did my INTJ research thing on depression for months beforehand), but it was still nice to be able to talk it out. Medication is useful for a lot of people too but I never needed it.
  • Exercise, eat well, and stay busy and social (I know, easier said than done when you're depressed)

    A lot of good stuff here so far too.
u/Malcolm_Sex · 3 pointsr/intj

This. One of my worst book purchases. I'd recommend What Every BODY is Saying.

It's the (mostly) objective kind of thing you'd probably like, and it'll help you adapt conversations based on body language. It's not like HtWF&IP, where the goal is "hhhehehe, got ya now, sucker." Lying and manipulation is for assholes.

It's more, "hold up, this person isn't responding well, even though they're acting happy, try something different. Ahhh, I've explained myself better, maybe added a bit of compromise, now we're on the same page"

u/shroomtat · 2 pointsr/intj

When you realize that you are allowed to write off the negative spiral read the solution, Flow.

u/j888 · 1 pointr/intj

Yes. This site will make your eyes cross at first, but is a simple primer into the functions and basic typing info. Naomi Quenk also does a good job describing inferior functions. Here's the chapter that talks about Extraverted Sensing as an inferior function in INTJs. I found the function abbreviations cumbersome at first, but once I learned them, it was a whole new world of nerdiness.

u/SneezeSpasm · 3 pointsr/intj

I believe that an INTJ mindset can be a tremendous liability when dealing with a depression because of our tendency to seek logical conclusions. Different mindsets like All-or-Nothing or focusing on a single negative aspect of a situation can quickly become an echo chamber for negative thoughts. The INTJ mind can easily run amok.

However, I also believe that our INTJ profile can use its disadvantage to its advantage because we gravitate towards systems. If we construct a personal mind-system that monitor our thoughts, the heavy cloak of depression can be lifted. Such mind-systems are discussed at lengths in the book, "Feeling Good by Dr. David D. Burns".

Dr. David D. Burns builds his practice upon the stoic philosophy which concludes that it is our thoughts that make the base for our feelings. So to know your thoughts is to govern your feelings and thus your depression.

A quick overview.

Feeling Good by Dr. David D. Burns