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Hello! Thank you so much for sharing your story. It sounds a lot like mine. I love this community, and I have faith that I will be able to use these connections to help motivate me. I hope I can be a force for motivation as well!

I'm currently on Day 3 of being sober for the first time in at least 3 years. Discovering /leaves definitely helped me to get on the right track. It made me decide to quit, a step I think you are on right now. I can't believe how good I feel right now. It's like every moment feels like an epiphany if I choose to think about how far I've come.

I told myself "Tomorrow I will quit" a few times before it "stuck." The first day, I lasted til 5PM... a huge accomplishment for a regular wake-n-baker... The second day I made it til 11PM and then got overwhelmed by the feeling that I couldn't sleep.

The first day, I got through it by allowing myself to be incredibly honest about my feelings, and giving myself something productive to think about. I would recommend any book that has to do with improving our lives through understanding psychology. The point of quitting for me was to be able to be honest with myself and my feelings. That's paramount, because if I don't have that, I don't have self-esteem; and without self-esteem I can't have good relationships with other people. It's important for me to feel like I'm not avoiding my thoughts or damning my aggressive impulses. Using was a way of not acknowledging feelings of irritation, sadness, frustration, anger, etc. - all things that are legitimate to feel because they help motivate us to do good things. Depression/Anxiety/Frustration is a feeling of not doing anything beneficial with one's life.

It is a fact that we feel better when we help others.

It is a fact that we need to learn to love ourselves before we can be of any service to others. It's vital to see, "This shadow that exists in me, also exists in you. We react to it in different ways, but these negative feelings are a natural and valuable part of being human." We need to come to terms with our own shadow so that we can be compassionate to others.

Imagine a friend told you, "I feel worthless. I can't believe how sad I feel about my dog dying. I mean, it was two months ago and I still can't get it out of my head. I feel like I can't do anything worthwhile."

Would you be like, "Hm. Yeah, you probably shouldn't feel that way. Why don't you try forgetting about it with a big bowl?" Um, NO!!!

You wouldn't tell that to a dear friend, so you shouldn't say anything like that to yourself. That advice would only side-step the problem, making it worse by making the person suffering feel incapable of confronting negative feelings in a meaningful way.

Because of all of this, I would recommend spending time with a book that encourages you to take your failings with tolerance, love, and hope. I really feel like I pulled off my first day sober because I was actively dealing with problems I had always avoided. I read [this book] (http://www.amazon.com/Animals-Guides-Soul-Life-Changing-Encounters/dp/0345424042) nearly from cover to cover that first day. It helps to feel like your anxious or depressed feelings are legitimate, no matter how you approach that task. It was late in the day - getting to the point of incredibly hard to resist toking - when I got to the chapter on pet death. It felt so cathartic to cry about some pets I've had to put down in the last few years - things I never dealt with while sober because I haven't been remotely close to sober for a long time. The point of the chapter was to show how universal feelings of loss are. It was great to read all kinds of people's stories about how they coped or were still processing grief. I feel like potheads have a lot of unprocessed emotions that are perpetually covered up by the habit. It felt great to feel like there was a reason for me to feel sad and anxious - and that I'm not alone in those feelings.

Honestly, I would recommend going to a local used book store. Give a look around the Self Help/Psychology/New Age sections and see if anything appeals to you. The goal is getting in touch with our inner selves - trusting our feelings, accepting their value, and feeling responsible enough to act on insight gained. Even for "happy" people, or sober people, working to recognize the value of one's inner self is daily work. The only difference is that people who use a lot of drugs have given up on believing in themselves to be able to accomplish that work alone.

Trust me, that after daily use, you just need to get a few days under your belt. You have to keep telling yourself that you're doing the right thing, and before you know it you'll start to really feel it in your heart. After daily use, the MJ starts to control your rationality. We come up with all kinds of "reasons" why life is better high. But their just fear-reasons; evasion of reality because we don't trust ourselves to be able to handle the demands of daily living. For me, part of the struggle was letting go of things that kept dragging me into the past. I can't work on today's issues if I'm still fighting yesterday's battles. Try to give up on feelings of self-pity; take responsibility for what has happened in the past by telling yourself that once you figure out how to love yourself, it will be much easier to make the right decisions all the time. I can't go back and change the past, and there's no reason for me to wonder whether I've been doing the wrong thing all along. I think you recognize that we had some good times with MJ, but it's time to move on. In order to feel fulfilled our lives need to get fuller every day - as we learn to love new people and accept deeper facets of our own personality. Work toward acceptance. Know that you will be racked with anxiety, but it will be temporary if you can stay strong. Focus on the things that give you hope. Another big part of committing to this path was deciding on a Dream Career. Even if I don't end up in it, I made a picture in my mind of a life that would be worth being sober for. Reading that book I linked made me realize I wanted to train service/therapy animals. I know that I can't do this if I smoke daily; I would just be looking forward to the workday ending so I could blaze. I wouldn't be able to give my full attention to the nuances of others' behavior, which would mean I wouldn't be as good at communicating. Then there's the whole self-esteem issue, and how jonesin' makes one feel truly worthless in addition to mentally distracted. I just knew I couldn't shine my brightest light if I kept submerging myself in haze.

tl;dr: Read something that allows you to identify with your negative feelings and feel compassionate toward yourself. You will feel anxious anyway when you first go sober, so it's good to have something concrete to blame the anxiety on - and also feel like you're making progress in that recognition. Make an image in your head of the best-case scenario for your life, and then believe that you have the strength and time to achieve it. Also - allow yourself the right to rest and work in equal proportions.

Good luck!!! Keep us updated! We're here for you! It fucking sucks for a little bit, but it's totally doable and feels great. You can do it!!

Hey man! Honestly I don't think I've managed it yet - I know that I'm susceptible to relapse - 13 days is the most I've had in 3 years, but its still super early on the journey. Still getting cravings. Not quite to do weed, but def to get some release somehow.

That said, my current approach for gaining some freedom over it is actually focusing on the Why. I feel like I've tried every 'How' out there, and nothing consistently works. But here's the breakdown of what I've done this time around for something tangible:

1. Running - I'm running every morning. I had one day where I ran outside twice. I downloaded mapmyrun which is an app that tracks distance/speed, so I'm having fun tracking my progress there. I try to imagine an empty tank of dopamine that I'm "filling up" the harder/longer I run.
   
   
2. Meetings - hitting Marijuana Anonymous meetings about 3 times a week. Good way to fill the time after work and see people who are doing it sober, even if you don't agree with every principle of 12-step.
   
   
3. Sleep - the first few days, as a defense mechanism against my cravings, I just tried to go to sleep even if super early, so that the next day would come. Take a benadryl or something to knock out (NOT to be abused though). I'm so used to trying to stay up and delaying the next day coming that I really had to push myself to just let the next day come and stick with it.
   
   
4. Reddit Leaves - I discovered this forum a week or two before I started my latest streak. When I have a craving, I post here. The support has been great.
   
   
5. This book which was recommended by someone else on reddit. It's the one I mentioned above
   
   
6. Cut out most sugar - I know that the insulin spike can give you that feeling of craving and I just wanted to try to eliminate that
   
   
7. Cautious/No drinking - drinking puts me back into this place
   
   
8. Catching myself 5 steps before the act - e.g. I found myself pulling out my phone to say "whats up" to my friends that smoke. For now, I'm keeping them at arms length. I'll let them reach out to me if need be. I don't owe anyone any favors - just a favor to myself to get sober
   
   Days 1-3 were awful. Day 4 was better and 5 better. I get cravings over the weekends (~day 6). Last week overall was better. One night I had two drinks and had a stressful work day and nearly crumbled - posted on here which helped, went home, and forced myself to pass out.
   
   Other tips that have helped in the past
   
   
9. Journaling in morning - sounds like a diary but you'd be surprised at how many patterns emerge when you write down your thoughts. You may write down the 3 things you're worried about, only to find that they're all related to X, e.g. worrying about people's perceptions of yourself, worrying about whether or not to see your friends, worrying about whether or not you'll be able to stay sober over the weekend, who knows.
   
   
10. Go easy on coffee/sweets
    
    
11. Meditation (headspace app is great for this)
    
    Good luck!

Hey there! I'm new here, on day 2 of total sobriety after a week of cutting wayyy back. I am older than you and in a different place (mid-30s, married, homeowner) but what you said about feeling like smoking is holding you back from something - even if you're not sure what that is, even though there aren't hugely negative impacts for you - is a big part of why I decided to quit, too. Mainly, though, weed was great for helping me gain some perspective and turn down the noise in my head and heart, but I want to learn to do that myself, without chemical aid, so here I am.

You mentioned being interested in resources, so I'm copying some stuff from another comment I made, in case any of these things might appeal to you:

• Meditation - I started using the Headspace app in the mornings, and then meditating independently throughout the day as needed, and it definitely helps to get some perspective on (and distance from) the cravings, the boredom, the self-judgment and other weirdness in my head, etc.
  
  
• The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Workbook is really helping me develop skills (in addition to meditating) to deal with life sober, instead of having a smoke or a drink to chill.
  
  
• The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself is great for the philosophy/spiritual side of it. Separating myself from my thoughts and emotions - learning that I am not my anger, my depression, my anxiety, that I am not my obsessive thoughts - is something I need a lot of help with, and this is really hitting the spot.
  
  As far as your roommates and social circle go, I wish I had some ideas or helpful perspective for you, but I don't think I do. Honestly, wanting to separate myself from old "friends" who I've recently realized are not positive influences and are actually never there for me unless I go get fucked up with them and manage to fit a word or two in... That's another reason I'm quitting, I just don't want people like that in my life anymore. It doesn't sound like your friends are that kind of negative influence, so that's good. But I don't have any experience trying to be sober in a house full of people who are still smoking, and I imagine that is really, really hard. My husband has never been a smoker - just not his thing, made him feel paranoid and weird - so now that I've quit, no one here smokes, so there's no smell or giggling to remind me of what I'm giving up. Hopefully someone else here can give you some help with that one.
  
  Best wishes, I'm cheering for you. ❤️

I don't want to scare you but this could take a lot longer than you'd like to think. Especially if you used to try to cover up the depression & anxiety to begin with.

I'm on day 39 right now and it really peaked after 3-4 weeks. Week 6 right now is being easier on me. This is a journey and you have to go back to remembering why you're doing this. This process could take you up to 2-3 years.
A helpful study I went back to (this is my 3rd time) was one out of Sweden found here:http://droginfo.com/pdf/guideuk.pdf
A guide to quitting
Marijuana and Hashish
Drug Addiction Treatment Centre
Lund University Hospital
Lund, Sweden

Understand that you can't rush this. You have a lot of work to do but you're worth it in the end. Another helpful item for me was to work through at least a few pages a night was Feeling Good (https://www.amazon.ca/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336). It's been the best 10$ I spent throughout this whole experience. Also eat only clean foods. Rice (a ton of it everyday) was good for me. It could take a week or two until your eating gets a bit better....it's all just a bunch of small steps.

The reason it could take a while is because you should accept that you could go through PAWS after the first month. One day at a time. Write a journal. After a while go back a week or two and reread what you wrote. You'll see that progress!

Best of luck man!

Edit: just touching on the book... do the activities. Keep a weekly log of your BDC score! It shows progress even if you are going through a shit day. Mine went 29,23,20,16,14,12,11. The activities are helpful. Never give up!

Here are some things I think may help:

• Go for a run/lift weights/some physical activity so that you become tired and want to sleep. Even if it's just 20 push ups!
  
  
• Meditate
  
  
• 5-10 mg of Melatonin
  
  
• Read a book
  
  
• Watch some mindless TV. I like Friends.
  
  
• Call a friend you haven't chatted with in a while out of the blue and see if you can catch up!
  
  
• https://www.doyogawithme.com/
  
  
• Learn an instrument, practice a skill (writing, programming, etc.)
  
  
• Listen to music you feel good about and can jam/sing along to.
  
  
• Find some evening meetups on meetup.com
  
  
• Do something creative! Like draw/write poetry.
  
  
• Learn about addiction! Here are 2 good books that have helped me tremendously:
  
  https://www.amazon.com/Realm-Hungry-Ghosts-Encounters-Addiction/dp/155643880X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1521224469&sr=8-1&keywords=gabor+mate+in+the+realm+of+hungry+ghosts
  
  https://www.amazon.com/Allen-Carrs-Easy-Stop-Smoking/dp/0615482155/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1521224489&sr=1-2&keywords=allen+carr+easy+way+to+quit+smoking
  
  Good luck! You'll find a way!

Hey man. From reading your post it seems to me that you’re depressed and have developed false beliefs about yourself that are now so deeply engraved that you accept them and don’t even bother to challenge them. Now, I don’t know you at all, but I’m pretty sure you’ve not failed at everything, you’re just not seeing the positives right now.

What I can tell you is that quitting will probably not give you happiness by itself. You’ve got to work on your beliefs about yourself and your outlook on the future.

I just quit, and started reading a book called Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. I’ve not finished the book yet, but I started feeling better almost immediately upon reading it and realizing some of my irrational thoughts about myself and my future. It will basically teach you cognitive behavioral therapy, which is a therapy method many therapists use today. It will give you many tools to use for identifying negative thought patterns and getting yourself out of them. Some of them directly described as being effective against the EXCACT things you’re saying about yourself here.

I know reading a book is not the most tempting thing to do when you’ve given up hope, but please give it a try. It even has a section about quitting smoking, which can be applied to quitting cannabis.

Feel better bro ❤️

You are very welcome!

If you like reading/Audiobooks - This book was a really good starting place, plenty of science in it, so it's not wishy washy 😂.

The Compassionate Mind (Compassion Focused Therapy) https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B002S0KBYU/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_TlGCCb7KFWEWP

It's 99p on Kindle format atm.

And this was fun to listen to on Audible -

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_noGCCbA3QEVJR

Regardless, you'll get there if that's your intention, just keep doing what your doing 👍

hey this is long, so feel free to take your time reading this, just don't ignore it cause i'm about to suggest something to you that might help your addiction.

first off, i hope you're doing well friend. i may not know you, but i do care. if you're feeling suicidal, i urge you to talk to someone. this is from the reddit suicidewatch faq.

secondly, good on you for throwing away the cigs. if you're having trouble quitting smoking nicotine, i suggest reading the book "Stop Smoking Now" by Allen Carr. if you don't mind reading a pdf version, you can use this, otherwise you can get a copy on amazon for cheap here. the great thing about the book is that it's short, only 100 or so pages.

if you have doubts about quitting through reading a book, trust me, i had the same doubts. you don't even have to quit right away, the book tells you you can smoke as you're reading it. it was incredibly hard for me to go cold turkey, until i came across this book. i tried lots of different things (substitutes like gum, vapes, even more weed) to help me quit, all to no avail. then i picked up allen carr's book, and by the last page i was done smoking. i had no need for another one.

the other great thing about the book is that i believed it helped put me in the right mindset to quit smoking weed. it might not work the same for you, but i highly suggest reading this if you're having trouble with nicotine addiction. if this book doesn't help, then read his other book which is also very helpful, link is here. it's a bit longer, but it goes even more into depth and solidifies the points in his first book.

NOTE: make sure to pay attention to all the points that he makes in his first book, otherwise you might find yourself smoking again, meaning you'll have to pick up the second book. that's what happened to me, but the second book still helped me quit. i thought that i could smoke a cigarette during a night out drinking cause it had been months past since my last one...

everything one step at a time

Not cannabis, but Allen Carr's book on working smoking (nicotine) was helpful for me. Helps you realize that with addiction, you think your giving something up when really you're only gaining. There is no benefit to smoking nicotine. You have just trained yourself to believe there is

Allen Carr's Easy Way To Stop Smoking https://www.amazon.com/dp/0615482155/

It takes a while for the depression to fade after you stop smoking. It's going to be a couple of months of emotional bleakness, probably; it was for me.

But that's just, what? Half a semester. Less than your summer break back in high school. You can do that, if what's waiting for you on the other side is the rest of your life, free of this burden.

When the depression gets to me, this book has helped. It might help for getting through the transitional period.

I'm not going to tell you that life on the other side is all rainbows and puppy dogs, but a lot of it is. It's going to be hard getting there; you're going to have to re-define yourself as a person. But that's a rare opportunity. How many people really get to do that in their lives? You get to decide who you're going to be when you're clean.

Get started whenever you're ready. And good luck.

It sounds like your mind is freaking out about a change. This is 100% normal. Your mind hates change and avoids it at all costs...including at the cost of causing you to feel like you're on the verge of a mental breakdown. Again, this is 100% normal.

Please, just breathe. It is very hard but I promise the first week is the hardest. Just know that a) it's temporary and b) it's downhill from here.

Realize that the cravings are not YOUR cravings. They're just thoughts; they're literally just in your head. Allow yourself to see the thoughts as just figments of your imagination and not something that has control over you and you'll be well on your way.

Also remember that this is a process. I repeat, this does NOT happen overnight. Expect yourself to go thru mood swings, cravings, lack of sleep, etc. If you expect it, then you'll be prepared for the shitty times and you can let them pass with greater ease.

Lastly, I would highly recommend this book. It helped me to understand exactly what's going on while my mind is going thru the transition.

Hope this all helps!

EDIT: grammar

Have you considered using a 0mg vape?

I've just released a short ebook on vaping and how to quit.

It's free at the moment, give it a quick read!

This is the US link but it's available across all Amazon sites 👌

https://www.amazon.com/Vaping-cking-Stupid-within-weeks-ebook/dp/B081J98MDX

For getting to sleep i listen to audiobooks on my mp3 player. I like it fantasy style, so at the moment i'm listening to eragon(don't laugh please ;) ). I did listen to all the harry potter books too - it is nice and not too deep, so it helps me going to sleep.

When it comes to reading, at the moment i read DEBT - The first 5000 years by david graeber and it's quite interesting.

I also enjoyed Dostoevsky very much. I can recommend those two storys. This would be notes from the underground and the gambler. (i just happen to find them is the same book an amazon)

Take some l-Tyrosine!!! I feel the same thing whenever I am going through withdrawals and l-tyrosine helps it a lot. Buy the Now brand ONLY, I use this religiously. GNC's brand is bunk and most others are.

I feel your pain man but I have faith in l-tyrosine! Also r/nofap, it all sounds like BS in the beginning but I can assure you it is not!

Edit:
Take the l-tyrosine in the morning on an empty stomach before you eat (500mg) with some B-6. Once you feel comfortable with the effects, try taking another 500mg one hour after your first dose (still before eating). I'm telling you this shit works wonders.

I

http://www.amazon.com/Now-Foods-L-Tyrosine-500mg-120-Capsules/dp/B0013OUPSE

Also, if the tyrosine doesn't help try nofap, I guarantee you will be back in the game 110% after it.

This is all caused by low amounts of dopamine due to withdrawal which inhibits you from being aroused sexually, and probably in many other ways that you haven't realized yet.

PM me if you have more questions.

Don't discount your feelings of neglect regarding your girlfriend. It actually is rational to feel that way. Long distance relationships are ridiculously hard. I'm not saying she needs to change her behavior and text you back more promptly, but maybe you need to find something/one other than her with which to occupy yourself. As sexual beings, we need connection and compassion and it's rough when you cannot achieve these feelings with your partner. It can also put a huge strain on a relationship if one person is leaning on the other for happiness.

I get those depressive moods once I start quitting. I'm actually unsure of how to fix the depression, which is why I've booked a therapist. You could try reading a self-help book Feeling Good is a popular, well-reviewed book, as well as occupying your time with hobbies and interests that you can do on your own.

> I wish I could love myself enough to not smoke weed because I know it is not good for me.

It sounds to me like you could really use therapy, or at least start reading a book like Feeling Good by David D. Burns.

I highly recommend reading Allen Carr's Easy Way To Stop Smoking https://www.amazon.com/dp/0615482155/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_dgSLAbB9S2DJ2

Even though it's meant for cigarettes, it really helped me change the way I view smoking and it's addiction. Many of the principles are the same. Also I never smoked cigs, despised them actually, so I'd just mentally replace cigarettes or nicotine when mentioned with joints or THC respectively and I think I somehow kinda subconsciously linked the two and now view weed smoking in a similar manner to that of cigarette smoking, unnecessary, pointless, and damaging to your psyche.

Take on the viewpoint that you can celebrate being a non-smoker, that you are living a better life.

Kava Stress Relief Tea. This stuff is awesome. I drink a cup with two bags and find it really helps when the anxiety kicks in. Also the act of prepping/making the tea is a nice ritual of sorts.

I found my PMS to be much worse without weed, but chamomile tea helps, as well as a good magnesium supplement.

I HIGHLY recommend Kava Tea. It is a stress relief tea made from organic herbs that yogis use to help meditate. I quit 5 days ago and have been drinking 3 cups a day and it feels as though the anxiety just disappears. I had a panic attack the day I quit and punched a mirror so hard I broke my knuckles. The counselor at the crisis center suggested the tea and it is a miracle. If you are running out of hope like I was, just give it a try. It has relaxed me as much as weed did. Except you don't turn into a zombie like with weed. DONT GIVE UP. The anxiety is coming from your own thoughts. You WILL get though this and we are all here to help.

Someone else on here recommended this book and I quite enjoyed it. The reviews are compelling as well. If you have a kindle I can even loan it to you.

Here's my take on things. I'm in a similar position to you. I'm clean now, but spent way too long smoking way too much and still accomplishing plenty, being seen as a high achiever, etc.

Every time I would quit - for a month or longer, I'd eventually do the same thing you described. Think I could moderate and before I knew it, I was out of control again.

Here's the thing: I've come to believe that marijuana was not my problem, but only a symptom of it. My real problem was numbing - and marijuana is a very effective numbing agent. I finally realized that what was behind the impulse to pick up and smoke, was the impulse to numb and avoid feelings and uncomfortable mental states.

I think it can be helpful when trying to let things go to explore what is underneath the urge to 'check out' and smoke.

There are those in the mental health field that suggest that shame is actually at the root of all numbing/addictive behaviours. I tend to agree. Here are a few resources that I've found extremely helpful in getting to the root cause of my numbing impulses and truly healing myself:

https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en

https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Shame-Binds-Recovery-Classics/dp/0757303234/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1473347900&sr=8-1&keywords=healing+the+shame

https://www.amazon.com/Inner-Bonding-Becoming-Loving-Adult/dp/0062507109

Good luck!

You're not alone buddy. It took me years before I realized that I was well past the 'Just to relax' excuse.

Try giving Tyrosine a shot. It didn't pull me out of 100% of the withdrawl symptoms but it definitely blunted them a bit, especially the mood swings.

When I quit smoking cigarettes, I knew it would never work if I had stressful projects or deadlines coming up. I didn't set a date or anything, just waited until it was easy street at work for a few weeks, chose a normal day like any other and just told myself over and over that I just wasn't smoking cigarettes anymore. After failing over and over for years, one time it just stuck.

A lot of people, myself included, have had similar experiences with weed and are still smoking, waiting for the "right time" to quit again. It can be a setback and it's hard not to make up excuses for yourself, but one time you're going to try a little harder, more consciously, and you're going to quit and it's going to stick. Decide when that is for yourself, take control, make it happen. I'm trying to do the same, and so are many others.

While not specifically weed related, I think a lot of concepts from Allen Carr's Easy Way To Stop Smoking can be very useful in tackling the mental hurdles of quitting weed.

Here's my recommendation. Go seek out weekly, 1 on 1 substance abuse cessation counseling. Supplement it with this thing called NAC, you can get it at any vitamin store.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22706327

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4009342/

https://www.amazon.com/NOW-Foods-Nac-Acetyl-Cysteine-600mg/dp/B0013OUQ3S

The study had people taking 1200mg twice daily. So four of those caplets a day.

It helps a lot but you should really seek out the drug counseling too. Without it the NAC probably isn't as effective. Honestly it's still super experimental so maybe it could be.

There are some great Kindle books that dive into this matter, I started reading one yesterday and I am almost finished. I am only on day 4 but reading about it has helped so far. And I can remember what I am reading for once!

​

link: https://www.amazon.com/Quitting-Weed-Complete-Matthew-Clarke-ebook-dp-B078SDVZFG/dp/B078SDVZFG/ref=mt_kindle?_encoding=UTF8&me=&qid=

I also read EWtSS and it was easy for me to see similarities in my nicotine and marijuana use. Carr's book helped break my brainwashing with smoking and I'd recommend it to anybody looking to quit smoking cigs.

The Power of Habit is another book that helped shift me away from a stoner mindset. I'd suggest diving headfirst into it and analyze your habits with the habit loop exercises. After reading this book, I've adopted a 'we are creatures of habit' sort of attitude.

I got this ebook and it's been helpful for me (not mine lol)

Actually it isn't that expensive. I keep a set of drug tests at home for just this reason. (To be honest, I haven't used them lately, but when I do take a T-Break, I want to see that passed drug test.)

http://www.amazon.com/Instant-Single-Panel-Drug-Test/dp/B004C39D68/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1398201544&sr=8-2&keywords=thc+drug+test

Allen Carr's Easy Way To Stop Smoking https://www.amazon.com/dp/0615482155/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_zN1XBbERMPFPP

I bought these off amazon last night

Not the same as OP, but:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00E5O5EV2/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

I got this one https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00E5O5EV2?psc=1&ref=yo_pop_mb_yo_pop_mb_pd_t2

This

Try this: http://www.amazon.com/The-Quitting-Cannabis-Chris-Sullivan-ebook/dp/B005380WOI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1383174653&sr=8-1&keywords=quitting+cannabis

It focuses nearly the entire book on how to quit without willpower.

The Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Skills Workbook.

Link: The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learni... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572245131/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_htHbzbDER04EW

Amphetamines deplete magnesium. Try high absorption magnesium and NAC. Symptoms of magnesium deficiency include anxiety, restlessness, insomnia, pain, mood swings, spasms. Symptoms of potassium deficiency include heart palpitations, high blood pressure, anxiety, not being able to sleep soundly. In short, get some electrolytes but especially magnesium.

Yeah I have the same shit going on. Doesn't matter what I quit, a new addiction pops up. [This book] (http://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Addiction-7-Step-Handbook-Ending/dp/0061987395) gets at what you have to do to stop that stuff, and is generally helpful in the process. For the time being though, just stay away from psychoactive shit in general.

Yeah that therapist is a dick. Don't go back and see her even after you are sober a year.

You (like so many of us here) have an addictive personality. I am the same way with food weighing and tracking, I get obsessive about it and cut my calories so low it is dangerous.

Do you have other options for therapy since you have the tendency to get so intense about things? The possibility that cycling becomes your new running is very real. I'm literally copying and pasting a response someone left me on the thread "Day 2 & grappling with permanency" because it addresses the addictive personality that underlies the behavior. Hugs to you!

Wisdom from @thisismisterl:

Here's the thing: I've come to believe that marijuana was not my problem, but only a symptom of it. My real problem was numbing - and marijuana is a very effective numbing agent. I finally realized that what was behind the impulse to pick up and smoke, was the impulse to numb and avoid feelings and uncomfortable mental states.
I think it can be helpful when trying to let things go to explore what is underneath the urge to 'check out' and smoke.

There are those in the mental health field that suggest that shame is actually at the root of all numbing/addictive behaviours. I tend to agree. Here are a few resources that I've found extremely helpful in getting to the root cause of my numbing impulses and truly healing myself:

https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en

https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Shame-Binds-Recovery-Classics/dp/0757303234/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1473347900&sr=8-1&keywords=healing+the+shame

https://www.amazon.com/Inner-Bonding-Becoming-Loving-Adult/dp/0062507109

So I'm not trying to be a dick by asking this but I have been reading this book about mindfulness and depression that was suggested on /r/Anxiety. One of the things the book talks about is the way depression fucks with our thinking. My question to you is "How do you know things won't get better?" Unless you have some sort of X-Men type power that can see into the future, you don't know that things will not get better. Sure 8 months seems like a long time but if you really really think about it, it's such a small amount of time in your life. Depression can really really cripple your mind. It twists reality into something that isn't the true, and it does it so well that you end up stuck in a loop of negative thinking. You get so down on yourself that you actually start to believe that those negative thoughts seem true. Stopping those negative thoughts is not an easy task, I'll give you that. I have been there, in fact many people have been there. You might be thinking "Dude, no one can understand where I am at right now. You don't know me!" You are right I don't know your struggles, but a struggle is a struggle no matter what it is, am I right? So why compare your struggles to someone elses's? Struggles are on a level playing field. what is not a level playing field is how long it takes us to overcome those struggles, and there should be no shame in that. Why? Because your still trying to overcome those struggles. Trust me in this, and I am sure everyone in this sub can attest to what I am about to say, giving up on overcoming those struggles isn't going to make you feel any better, change your life for the better, or make you feel good about yourself. Eventually it'll land you right back to where you started. The cycle will happen over and over again until you figure it out. Now you gotta ask yourself, how long do I want to stay in that cycle? My whole life? A few more times? Or do I just keep pushing forward, even if it's millimeters at a time? I say go with the millimeters. Sure you might not see immediate results, or maybe you will, but you don't know unless you keep moving those millimeters. And if you fail, accept that it happened. Don't wallow in that drowning sludge of sorrow and guilt. Wallowing just makes it harder. Forgive yourself and move on. I'll suggest 2 books that really have really helped me in understand my anxiety and depression a little better. First one is called The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle and Feeling Good by David Burns. I know the titles sound super hippy dippy and cheezy. I had that thought as well when they were suggested, but once I started reading them the stuff they were saying made a fuck ton of sense. I found myself often saying "Holy shit! That is exactly how I feel and exactly my thought process. These are not cures, they are tools. Like any tool you can either let it sit there or you can pick it up and try to figure out how to use it to your advantage and you have to keep applying it. It might sound daunting but believe me friend the more you practice it the easier it is. Please give those books a try, I mean considering the alternative (staying where you are at or going back to something that is going to make you feel worse about yourself) what is $20 and an hour of reading for a couple of months? Also, fucking 8 months!!! Holy shit! That is fan-friggin'-tastic. How about staying in it for another two months and make it a year. You're a warrior! You can do it. You just gotta try to break out of that cycle and rewire that negative thought pattern. I promise you it's easier than you think...or your depression thinks.