(Part 2) Top products from r/leaves

Hello! Thank you so much for sharing your story. It sounds a lot like mine. I love this community, and I have faith that I will be able to use these connections to help motivate me. I hope I can be a force for motivation as well!

I'm currently on Day 3 of being sober for the first time in at least 3 years. Discovering /leaves definitely helped me to get on the right track. It made me decide to quit, a step I think you are on right now. I can't believe how good I feel right now. It's like every moment feels like an epiphany if I choose to think about how far I've come.

I told myself "Tomorrow I will quit" a few times before it "stuck." The first day, I lasted til 5PM... a huge accomplishment for a regular wake-n-baker... The second day I made it til 11PM and then got overwhelmed by the feeling that I couldn't sleep.

The first day, I got through it by allowing myself to be incredibly honest about my feelings, and giving myself something productive to think about. I would recommend any book that has to do with improving our lives through understanding psychology. The point of quitting for me was to be able to be honest with myself and my feelings. That's paramount, because if I don't have that, I don't have self-esteem; and without self-esteem I can't have good relationships with other people. It's important for me to feel like I'm not avoiding my thoughts or damning my aggressive impulses. Using was a way of not acknowledging feelings of irritation, sadness, frustration, anger, etc. - all things that are legitimate to feel because they help motivate us to do good things. Depression/Anxiety/Frustration is a feeling of not doing anything beneficial with one's life.

It is a fact that we feel better when we help others.

It is a fact that we need to learn to love ourselves before we can be of any service to others. It's vital to see, "This shadow that exists in me, also exists in you. We react to it in different ways, but these negative feelings are a natural and valuable part of being human." We need to come to terms with our own shadow so that we can be compassionate to others.

Imagine a friend told you, "I feel worthless. I can't believe how sad I feel about my dog dying. I mean, it was two months ago and I still can't get it out of my head. I feel like I can't do anything worthwhile."

Would you be like, "Hm. Yeah, you probably shouldn't feel that way. Why don't you try forgetting about it with a big bowl?" Um, NO!!!

You wouldn't tell that to a dear friend, so you shouldn't say anything like that to yourself. That advice would only side-step the problem, making it worse by making the person suffering feel incapable of confronting negative feelings in a meaningful way.

Because of all of this, I would recommend spending time with a book that encourages you to take your failings with tolerance, love, and hope. I really feel like I pulled off my first day sober because I was actively dealing with problems I had always avoided. I read [this book] (http://www.amazon.com/Animals-Guides-Soul-Life-Changing-Encounters/dp/0345424042) nearly from cover to cover that first day. It helps to feel like your anxious or depressed feelings are legitimate, no matter how you approach that task. It was late in the day - getting to the point of incredibly hard to resist toking - when I got to the chapter on pet death. It felt so cathartic to cry about some pets I've had to put down in the last few years - things I never dealt with while sober because I haven't been remotely close to sober for a long time. The point of the chapter was to show how universal feelings of loss are. It was great to read all kinds of people's stories about how they coped or were still processing grief. I feel like potheads have a lot of unprocessed emotions that are perpetually covered up by the habit. It felt great to feel like there was a reason for me to feel sad and anxious - and that I'm not alone in those feelings.

Honestly, I would recommend going to a local used book store. Give a look around the Self Help/Psychology/New Age sections and see if anything appeals to you. The goal is getting in touch with our inner selves - trusting our feelings, accepting their value, and feeling responsible enough to act on insight gained. Even for "happy" people, or sober people, working to recognize the value of one's inner self is daily work. The only difference is that people who use a lot of drugs have given up on believing in themselves to be able to accomplish that work alone.

Trust me, that after daily use, you just need to get a few days under your belt. You have to keep telling yourself that you're doing the right thing, and before you know it you'll start to really feel it in your heart. After daily use, the MJ starts to control your rationality. We come up with all kinds of "reasons" why life is better high. But their just fear-reasons; evasion of reality because we don't trust ourselves to be able to handle the demands of daily living. For me, part of the struggle was letting go of things that kept dragging me into the past. I can't work on today's issues if I'm still fighting yesterday's battles. Try to give up on feelings of self-pity; take responsibility for what has happened in the past by telling yourself that once you figure out how to love yourself, it will be much easier to make the right decisions all the time. I can't go back and change the past, and there's no reason for me to wonder whether I've been doing the wrong thing all along. I think you recognize that we had some good times with MJ, but it's time to move on. In order to feel fulfilled our lives need to get fuller every day - as we learn to love new people and accept deeper facets of our own personality. Work toward acceptance. Know that you will be racked with anxiety, but it will be temporary if you can stay strong. Focus on the things that give you hope. Another big part of committing to this path was deciding on a Dream Career. Even if I don't end up in it, I made a picture in my mind of a life that would be worth being sober for. Reading that book I linked made me realize I wanted to train service/therapy animals. I know that I can't do this if I smoke daily; I would just be looking forward to the workday ending so I could blaze. I wouldn't be able to give my full attention to the nuances of others' behavior, which would mean I wouldn't be as good at communicating. Then there's the whole self-esteem issue, and how jonesin' makes one feel truly worthless in addition to mentally distracted. I just knew I couldn't shine my brightest light if I kept submerging myself in haze.

tl;dr: Read something that allows you to identify with your negative feelings and feel compassionate toward yourself. You will feel anxious anyway when you first go sober, so it's good to have something concrete to blame the anxiety on - and also feel like you're making progress in that recognition. Make an image in your head of the best-case scenario for your life, and then believe that you have the strength and time to achieve it. Also - allow yourself the right to rest and work in equal proportions.

Good luck!!! Keep us updated! We're here for you! It fucking sucks for a little bit, but it's totally doable and feels great. You can do it!!

See my answer above, but also the book Real Happiness by Sharon Salzberg is a 28 day program that helps you develop a daily practice. Get the one that comes with a CD of guided meditations.

Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation: A 28-Day Program https://www.amazon.com/dp/0761159258/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_aSa3AbYJA4GXQ

Also, I have found it incredibly helpful to join a weekly group, or sangha, which is the Buddhist term for community. Having a good teacher and a supportive group makes a big difference. There seems to be a little something extra when you practice with a group, you can get into a deeper state, quicker and stay longer. Maybe it’s just the shared intention of everyone showing up, wanting to experience freedom, that helps commitment. I dunno, I don’t believe in the airy-fairy stuff. But it helps.

I've done this many times. I don't have the problem that you have with your son (temptation), as it's really hard to get in my area and I'm the only one in my house who does it.

Here's what you do to get by:

First absolutely resolve to not do it. No matter what you're feeling. This is obviously harder than it sounds. All kinds of things will happen to you. I usually develop some weird physical symptom that I think is cancer. Strange pains that I focus on, etc. You will not sleep for a while, so buy advil PM and take it sparingly. You're not looking to transition to a new addiction. Buy lots of tea. I go with Yogi Lavendar Stress relief, Calming, and Bedtime. These are 3 different teas. Use one of each in a single cup of tea. That's 3 bags per cup. Add a teaspoon of honey if you're into that. Next, buy a jump rope or just do lots of jumping jacks when you're freaking out. Jump rope for 100 jumps and then move up to 200. If you chose jumping jacks, you need to do no less than 50 at a time. Move up to 100 when you can. Next, start meditating. There is a great book called 8 minute meditation. This book helped me enormously. People think weed is easy to get away from. It's fucking really hard. Especially if you've been doing it for a while (years). Your brain needs to rewire itself to find its own chemicals for pleasure. This takes a month or so just to start happening, then still longer.

After the first week of no weed you're in much better shape. It becomes infinitely easier, but you're not out of the woods yet. After about a month, you'll be feeling great. However, having someone in the house that smokes will make it very hard, because you'll go from being proud that you're over it, to missing it. You must have your son move his use to where you are not able to smell it at all. It needs to be out of the house completely. I would also insist that you have him keep himself free of the smell from when he uses it. Even a faint smell of it is going to make you think about going back. You're looking for complete separation so that the only time you're reminded of it is if you hear a snoop dogg song or something.

If you start freaking out and getting overly panicy, which is entirely possible, do not hesitate to go to your doctor and ask for a prescription for something to calm you down. Again, whatever it is, maybe xanax or something... Do not take it regularly. Never two days in a row. You're not looking for a new habit. Take it only when it's an extreme emergency. Use it as a rescue. Not a crutch. Do get it if you don't think you can adhere to extreme discipline. This stuff is way worse than weed if you get addicted. Maybe once every three days or once a week. It will definitely help you if you decide to go that route.

This process will work. You just have to not allow yourself to give in to your feelings. You'll get your own comfort back. It takes time and you have to believe.

Tea + excercise + meditation + will power + time = You and your body's ability to generate it's own happiness/comfort.

Good luck.

Awesome, let me(us) know how it goes for you! I began to notice results after about 1-2 weeks of doing it every other day. It's way harder to focus just on your breathing than you initially would think. Slowing down my brain, especially for anxiety, is a struggle worth pursuing! Just keep at it!

This book is a great read, and it talks about the process of how our parents bestow traits onto us, good and bad and how the "gifted" child is able to rise above the challenges, or "gifts" inherent within their upbringing.

It's easily one of the best books I've ever bought, it really helped put things into perspective for me, and while it doesn't focus on marijuana, it does talk a bit about substance abuse, and how the true path(s) to recovery stem from an honest and thoughtful engagement with your past.

There is the genetic side of inheritance, as well as the environmental side which you mentioned, as my Mother still frets for my saftey over the smallest threats. If something goes wrong, the first thing she does is overact to make sure I'm ok, and I'm 25 now, live on my own, and have graduated from college, at this point, it's ludicrous to treat me that way. If I say I don't feel well the script is generally, Are you going to throw up? Do you need X, Y or Z? And while the love is there, and I appreciate the sentiment, it's a negative way to engage with my feelings because it trains me to enter panic mode at the drop of a hat. In my head I go, omg am I going to throw up? Do I need any of those things, and I immediately feel worse. People who don't feel well don't need to be reminded of all the negative aspects of it, they need help creating a stable platform!!

I think the genetic inheritance and the environmental training compound with one another. This book helped me understand the dichotomous relationship of the Nature/Nature paradigm, the nature of my anxiety, and how all of that fits together. With meditation on top of growing up a bit, and reading this book, I've done a lot better with anxiety. It's now been over 4 months since I've had any sort of panic attacks or quantifiable anxiety, and I only stopped smoking 40 days ago. I think that training myself to not enter panic mode at the drop of a hat, and acknowledging that dynamic in the first place were crucial components for building more positive behaviors.

Good luck with the journey, it gets easier, and maybe just having a new book to read can help you keep your mind off of anxiety inducing thoughts!

Here are some things I think may help:

• Go for a run/lift weights/some physical activity so that you become tired and want to sleep. Even if it's just 20 push ups!
  
  
• Meditate
  
  
• 5-10 mg of Melatonin
  
  
• Read a book
  
  
• Watch some mindless TV. I like Friends.
  
  
• Call a friend you haven't chatted with in a while out of the blue and see if you can catch up!
  
  
• https://www.doyogawithme.com/
  
  
• Learn an instrument, practice a skill (writing, programming, etc.)
  
  
• Listen to music you feel good about and can jam/sing along to.
  
  
• Find some evening meetups on meetup.com
  
  
• Do something creative! Like draw/write poetry.
  
  
• Learn about addiction! Here are 2 good books that have helped me tremendously:
  
  https://www.amazon.com/Realm-Hungry-Ghosts-Encounters-Addiction/dp/155643880X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1521224469&sr=8-1&keywords=gabor+mate+in+the+realm+of+hungry+ghosts
  
  https://www.amazon.com/Allen-Carrs-Easy-Stop-Smoking/dp/0615482155/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1521224489&sr=1-2&keywords=allen+carr+easy+way+to+quit+smoking
  
  Good luck! You'll find a way!

You are very welcome!

If you like reading/Audiobooks - This book was a really good starting place, plenty of science in it, so it's not wishy washy 😂.

The Compassionate Mind (Compassion Focused Therapy) https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B002S0KBYU/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_TlGCCb7KFWEWP

It's 99p on Kindle format atm.

And this was fun to listen to on Audible -

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_noGCCbA3QEVJR

Regardless, you'll get there if that's your intention, just keep doing what your doing 👍

Just like to say that this book actually changed my life. He provides the ebook (pdf) for free, but I ended up buying a copy for myself and another for my friend on Amazon for around $10 each.

You definitely don't need a book to begin meditating, but if you're looking for an excellent guide and overview, this one worked for me.

Hey, thanks for all your useful info! There's a world of supplements out there. My biggest advice to anyone interested is to research. Check out /r/Supplements/ and /r/nootropics.

Something to keep in mind is that some supplements build a tolerance (like L-Tryptophan and L-Tyrosine), so I found that it worked really well in the beginning and then it started to lose its effect once regularly dosing. Furthermore, I stress research again because trying to manually balance your brain is difficult. If anyone is interested in trying to improve their mood with supplements, I've heard good things about a book called The Mood Cure, so you might want to check it out (I haven't read it).

Personally if my diet, sleep and exercise are in check, I feel fantastic. So I don't really see a need for them and just take a multivitamin. If I'm having a shitty day I might pop some L-Tyrosine. Thanks again man!

I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I can really relate. What helps me is thinking about each day I didn't smoke as a victory, even if I relapsed again (after days, weeks, months clean). I think many of us have had the experience that you describe; and I genuinely do feel like I am getting more capable of making the choice to control my use after all the relapses, even if I haven't cracked the code yet of what makes me keep coming back.

It sounds like you might not have fully cracked the code either: but hating yourself (instead of listening to yourself) only makes it worse, so try to take it easy on you. Positive motivations will help: looking forward to spending more time with your kids, or having your mind clear to pursue a hobby or a good book. Sometimes the negative motivations (like shaming yourself) can make the need to crawl back into the hole seem much more urgent than it actually is.

This book really helped me: maybe try giving it a look?

https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520

watch this video on emotional intelligence, and if it seems like something that could be useful to you, id really reccommend getting the book that he references. This has proven a really useful resource for me in trying to get my shit together, and from what i read in your post, it seems like something you could dig. Hope it helps!

Have you considered using a 0mg vape?

I've just released a short ebook on vaping and how to quit.

It's free at the moment, give it a quick read!

This is the US link but it's available across all Amazon sites 👌

https://www.amazon.com/Vaping-cking-Stupid-within-weeks-ebook/dp/B081J98MDX

For getting to sleep i listen to audiobooks on my mp3 player. I like it fantasy style, so at the moment i'm listening to eragon(don't laugh please ;) ). I did listen to all the harry potter books too - it is nice and not too deep, so it helps me going to sleep.

When it comes to reading, at the moment i read DEBT - The first 5000 years by david graeber and it's quite interesting.

I also enjoyed Dostoevsky very much. I can recommend those two storys. This would be notes from the underground and the gambler. (i just happen to find them is the same book an amazon)

You need to learn to cope with your natural emotions, thoughts, and desires without the aide of any substance. You're not addicted to weed, it's your emotional crutch. This book has helped me a lot. Give it a try. Personally, I find inspirational helpful words on every page of this book. First, you will learn that it is pointless to dwell on thoughts, emotions, or desires. Then, you will learn how to actually control yourself enough to not dwell on those things. That's all there is to it. You're not broken. You're not an addict. You're not a bad person. You simply were not taught self-discipline by your parents or society, and now you're dealing with the fallout of being an adult without an emotional foundation to stand on. It's up to you to build that foundation, or you can do the typical thing and medicate yourself with something legal.

This is my second attempt at quitting this month. The first time I lasted a couple weeks then I honestly think I was afraid of things getting better. Life was improving, I impulsed on a bag. I saw the difference after I resumed right where I left off. When I'm wrapped up in trees I'm in my cacoon. I'm less social, more hungry, more in my head blah blah you know the deal.

After 5 years of heavy trees, cigarettes, heavy alcohol, even fap I need a change. I doubted this subreddit existed, but you guys proved me wrong and I'm glad it does. We all need a support network. I think it will be hardest to cut out butts and booze, then again I tried nofap and could only make it six days. Try, try again.

I'm reading this, its really helpful. The dude from yourbrainonporn.com recommended this book.

I would recommend the Buddhist psychologist Jack Kornfield's book The Wise Heart if that's the case. It focuses on the practical, psychological effects of Buddhist teaching and provides a good framework for building a practice.

I did a government-funded program called Bounce Back here in BC, Canada. I believe it's based on a UK program called Living Life to the Full. I also really liked the book Mind Over Mood. I used their old workbook, but it sounds like they've got a new edition, too. Depending on where you live and the resources available, there may be some CBT therapy or self-led resources available, too.

In short, though, the process basically involves:

• Identifying your automatic negative thoughts/thinking traps (examples)
  
• Whenever you get a chance (either reflecting back on your day/week or right in the moment), identify where you think the things listed above
  
• Look at the evidence for why you think this (Ex. Person on the street gives you a funny look. You jump to the conclusion 'I'm so weird. No one likes me. I'm going to be alone forever.' You reflect on the evidence for this. Am I sure that he didn't like me? Am I mind-reading? What's an alternate reason his face did that? He ate funny food, he was looking at something else, he's listening to a podcast. And even if this one person didn't like me, does that really mean I will be alone forever? Am I catastrophizing a bit here?)
  
• You then begin to de-escalate these situations, recognizing how much you put a negative filter over a lot of your thoughts and interactions.
  
• Come up with a more balanced thought that isn't so extreme
  
• As you practice this, you eventually begin to automatically come to more rational/logical conclusions

Haven't since Saturday, will be strong and keep going!

I'm reading a book called Clinical Dharma. It's a book about addiction and suffering and how to overcome it using psychology and the teachings of Buddah. Highly recommended.

Bang on. For the longest time it was a trade I was willing to make until I couldnt anymore. There came a point where I couldnt smoke myself happy anymore. It was a 50/50 type thing where I'd either get happy and forget my problems or intensify them for the duration of my high.

I've been clean since December and it has been one of the most challenging things I've taken on. I dont know your story but if its anything similar to mine, then you might be running/ignoring/supressing/avoiding some type of problem/issue/situation. If you are, read Letting Go. It has helped me out quite a bit.

It's About Time!: The 6 Styles of Procrastination and How to Overcome Them https://www.amazon.com/dp/0670858730/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_v50eAb7G07TS3

What Alan was saying here reminded me of this excellent book : Outwitting the Devil