(Part 2) Top products from r/northernireland

Hi there, was going to DM you, but since I'm including links that may be useful to others, I'm posting as a comment. Apologies if it's a bit rambly, I'm really short on time and actually bookmarked this from y'day, but I'd rather reply with a ramble than postpone, if you're suffering!

I had depression in my 20s and it was terrifying - I didn't want to wake up either (didn't want to die, but wanted to be in a coma for a while so as not to have to deal with the gaping emptiness). I can hand on heart say now it was the best thing that ever happened to me - I had to face a lot of demons and I always think of it as it being like I was a rickety house that I was good at patching up, but it wasn't stable and when it collapsed I had to rebuild it (i.e. myself) almost from scratch. My self esteem was basically very damaged, but not totally - so most people thought I was confident and outgoing; and I often felt like I was. (Nothing's ever black and white!) It's hard to fathom how different I feel now to then; believe me when I tell you you can't even begin to imagine how wonderful your life can be when you work through this. I worked my way to good mental health by studying lots of stuff including CBT, self development, philosophy, and life coaching books.

A year or two later I ended up on anti-depressents because my sleep was still horrendous and I was acutely stressed at work - but because I'd done the mental legwork (oxymoron?), I was able to get off the anti-depressents in 3 months. 10 mg 1 month, 5 next, 5 on alternate days the last month. It was scary to take them, I was so scared of telling friends - then when I told them, I discovered a few of them were on anti-depressents themselves. I believe it was important to take these to clean up the 'chemical spill' in my brain from years of bad mental health; I also believe they wouldn't have worked if I hadn't changed my psychology/outlook/philosophy/behaviours/environment.

One major thing to work on - I realise now rumination was a major, major part of my depression: thinking over things again and again without (being able to) take action - including beating myself up for failures. We all fail, often; it's the human experience, and we just need to be kinder to ourselves about it! Rumination is a major cause of depression - the good news is, it only takes a few minutes of distraction - once you realise you're doing it - to get your mind off that stressful path. Once you become aware of it and start choosing better ways to describe your situation (not full on positive ones when you feel terrible - the gap is too big - but slightly more positive, then slightly more positive again) you can turn things around, mentally speaking.

I ended up starting a life coaching course and becoming a coach in 2007. I don't treat depression but have worked with clients with depression, usually alongside them having therapy and/or medications. I'm currently packing to leave Finland and go back to NI for a few days; my schedule's a bit higgledy-piggledy but I would love to give you a free session or two via Skype over the next few days, if you're up for it. When I was in a very dark place in '07, strangers on the internet were a great help (a forum online, which I ended up going back on to help others; great karmic circle!) and would like to help you. Again - it wouldn't be therapy, it'd be coaching - support - for good mental and lifestyle habits and positive life changes that'll get you into a better place. You can see how it's helped others at http://soulambition.com/testimonials.

If you're not up for it, I'm currently formally studying again (there are a lot of woowoo coaches out there, but I really work hard at staying updated with scientifically-grounded research and exercises, and I've road tested it all). I've just finished my research project on positive psychology, mindfulness and music for mental wellbeing, and have a lot of stuff that could help you. Music that soothes or uplifts you is massively useful (particularly for avoiding rumination - and someone here's doing research on how using music FOR rumination - listening to songs that make you sad again and again - can impact depression. Don't do that! :) )

I really recommend the book Mind Over Mood (CBT workbook) - I recommend it to clients; you can get it on Amazon or in Waterstone's.

I also really recommend mindfulness meditation - there has been a lot of research done on its power to combat depression (I listed some apps/books here: http://dreamdolove.com/a-simple-guide-to-mindfulness/); I was back running a mindfulness course in NI this year and one of the participants said at the end of six workshops/two weeks that she realised she'd been depressed and her friends were saying she 'seemed like herself again'. Get one of those free apps and find YouTube videos, and make it a daily habit. It actually rewires the brain, with prolonged practice - no time to add sources here but I've added them in my online articles.

Also, if you're having bother falling asleep, find a crappy audiobook on YouTube! Cheesy chick-lit shite works for me; I'm not fighting to stay awake to hear what happens next - tho' sometimes I feel like I'm lowering my IQ while I sleep. ;)

A positive psychology exercise shown again and again to help with depression is the 'three things that went well and their causes' - or daily gratitude exercise. I'm currently posting mine online every day for December, to show how it works - read about it here: http://dreamdolove.com/a-month-of-gratitude-on-social-media-decgratitude/

Get Flux on your computer if you haven't already - http://justgetflux.com, and avoid going on your phone late at night. Blue light in screens interferes with your circadian rhythms, and sleep is crucial for you right now. (Poor sleep was another major cause of my depression - exacerbated by rumination, which makes you dream more heavily and wake up exhausted). If you wake in the middle of the night, take comfort in the fact that humans used to sleep in two phases, with an hour or two of wakefulness in the middle - this 8 hours uninterrupted sleep idea is relatively new and due to modern working habits. Try meditating, light reading, audiobooks - mostly distraction from worrying thoughts.

Finally, pay strong attention to your body language! The first person I worked with who had depression, we were making 2 steps forward, 1 step back kind of progress. When I asked her to start paying attention to her body language, and how it kept her experiencing feeling of depression (slumped posture, slow walking, moving like a debilitated person, glum face), and consciously changing it to confident/happy body language and expression - even if she felt stupid or pissed off doing it, she had a breakthrough. We've known for many years that your mood is shown by your body language, but it's a relatively recent idea that your body language actually changes your mood.

TL;DR Use mindfulness meditation, consider buying "Mind Over Mood" CBT workbook (or borrow from the library); list 3 things every day you're grateful for, and their causes - proved to help with depression; TRUST that you will get through this; change your language to 'slightly more positive' - not blanket positive that feels fake and makes you feel worse - and keep doing so; change your body language/facial expression to more positive; get good sleep hygiene in place; distract yourself when you find yourself ruminating; use music that makes you feel good!

...You can see why I'd rather just get talking to you for an hour than type any more! :) But here are some more links if you're wanting to read stuff rather than talk:

http://dreamdolove.com/lighten-up-20-things-to-let-go-of-for-a-happier-life/

http://dreamdolove.com/mind-language/

http://dreamdolove.com/the-gratitude-attitude/

If I can turn my life around, you can too - and 1 very easy daily gratitude thought you can have is being thankful that we live in an age where we can connect with strangers who want to help so easily! It was a HUGE part of my recovery and I will always be grateful! Let me know if you want to set up a Skype video chat. Big hugs. :)

Edited to clarify anti-depressents bit.

Edit/PS: I'm 2 hours ahead of you so going to sleep shortly, but will check in first thing!

I've been learning about a year and a half. On Monday I just came back from 5 weeks in China.

I'm actually currently writing software to help people learn Chinese but I have not yet released it. I started writing it in part due to how awful duolingo is for Chinese.

My recommendations are:

1. Read Fluent Forever by Gabriel Wyner it's a truly fantastic book that teaches you how humans fundamentally learn before turning towards language learning.
   
   
2. Use spaced repetition be that through anki/pleco/skritter it will help enormously
   
   
3. The Chinese grammar wiki is your friend. It is a better resource for grammar than any and all books I've bought.
   
   
4. Read graded Mandarin books, I personally love Mandarin Companion it's written by the authors of the grammar wiki. Reading books in Chinese is a fantastic way to reinforce the characters and make learning fun. Personally I would recommend Country of the Blind.
   
   
5. Use hellotalk or a similar app to practice speaking Chinese. Alternatively your local university might have a Confucius Institute. They offer cheap lessons (the quality varies) but my local one (I live in Manchester) runs Mandarin Corner, a mix of native Chinese students and those learning Mandarin.
   
   If you have any other questions, feel free to ask.

If your interested in the milkman, check this out, not out yet but getting good reviews. Set in Derry in the late 70s/early 80s. Roddy Doyle loved it:.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Music-Love-Drugs-Geraldine-Quigley/dp/0241354137/ref=sr_1_1?s=music&ie=UTF8&qid=1540054773&sr=8-1&keywords=Music+love+drugs+war

Every News outlet as a predetermined agenda and self censors on that basis; to believe in the shiny beacon of "freedom of the press" is deeply naive. "Freedom of Expression" in the press is kept under check in a narrowly defined agenda to suit their corporate interests and political agendas. I would highly recommend reading Nick Davis Flat Earth News. The Narrative being pushed now is that freedom of the press is under attack is a sham; that disappeared a long time ago.

very well could have been, and here ya can get it free on an Audible trial on Amazon. cheers!

Read this:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0192801562/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1377930814&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70

Ballymena does not have the best reputation but you can head into Belfast easily enough and the glens of Antrim are beautiful.

Au contraire! The post-war years were the UK's finest. I'd recommend this book if you'd like to learn more about it.

With regard to your comments on the American middle class: your perceived class structure differs markedly from a European construction. Whilst economically, both are predicated on dynamically equable systems, in reality the social mores of each country vary widely.

I don't think we're as similar as you think.

I was actually gonna just send the copy of the book OP's way. If I don't hear back I'm happy to send it your way instead. This is the one. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Cognitive-Behavioural-Therapy-Dummies-Branch/dp/0470665416

you seem very interested. I suggest you read this : http://www.amazon.com/History-English-Language-Fifth/dp/0130151661/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1398595304&sr=1-1&keywords=a+history+of+the+english+language+baugh+and+cable

And Tim Severin recreated his voyage by building a proper Currach and promptly sailing it across the Atlantic. That was a good book.

Marianne Elliot's The Catholics of Ulster has a good bit on pre-plantation society.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Catholics-Ulster-Marianne-Elliott/dp/046501903X/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

Bandit country is an interesting book about one of the more infamous areas of IRA activity

I remember reading a book on English in school called Under Goliath

Goodreads page with more info

Something appropriate for your reading level.

Buy new for only £2,499.50 (+ £2.80 UK delivery)

Would recommend this book. Castro's dictated autobiography taken from hundreds of hours of interviews with him from an old journalist he befriended.

He talks openly of the many controversies of his time as Cuba's leader - from the revolution and the missile crisis, to his governments treatment of gay people, to the Mariel Boatlift and many more. Really interesting to see his perspective on things, his defence of certain controversial actions, and his upfront admitting of his faults.