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Top comments that mention products on r/secularbuddhism:

u/allthehobbies · 2 pointsr/secularbuddhism

>I've recently begun exploring secular buddhism and am very interested in it. It seems it can really help me to become a better, stronger, more enlightened person. I am very interested in learning more about it.

Cool! First I recommend reading about Buddhism in general rather than diving straight into secular Buddhism. Make an honest effort to first try to understand what the teachings are.

I started with http://www.amazon.com/Essential-Buddhism-Complete-Beliefs-Practices/dp/0671041886

That book provided a great overview on Buddhism as a whole.

Then, this free course helped me understand some fundamental concepts that relate to Buddhism in a secular, evidence-based context: https://www.coursera.org/learn/science-of-meditation

The course is great. An evolutionary psychologist evaluates the naturalistic claims in Buddhism without delving into the more supernatural claims.

It is a long course but worth it!

>Anyone want to explain to me the key points that you try to live by or guide your daily life?

I try to bring safety, kindness, peace and happiness to others (animals and humans) and to myself. I do this by practicing and being mindful.

Practicing mindfulness has given me a deep mental resilience that over the past three years has change my fundamental approach to just about everything. I was already a pretty decent guy, but now I've been told that I'm dramatically more patient, attentive and focused.

I went from thinking I probably needed to get on ADHD medicine again to being one of the most focused and driven people I know.

I really like the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh and also Stoic philosophers like Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus.

>I am also particularly interested in the Buddhist idea of "attachment" (or lack thereof) as it relates to love and relationships. How do you maintain any relationship without attachment?

Attachment (in the Buddhist sense) is unnecessary for love and relationships. This is where taking and step back and picking up a book or course on Buddhism will help out.

Please check this article out on the Buddhist idea of attachment:

http://buddhism.about.com/od/basicbuddhistteachings/a/attachment.htm

In my own words, dropping attachment is about changing your fundamental perception of an object.

In my own experience, practicing mindfulness as a way to reduce attachment I've found that being non-attached leads to a more intimate experience of emotion, thought and feeling, and of the object of my attention. Probably because I'm not so caught up in trying to define, label, judge, obtain, push, get, etc.

Since learning how to practice and exercise non-attachment with my wife I've been more attentive to her, more loving, more kind, more patient and more appreciative.

My idea of Non-attachment with a person could be expressed as allowing someone to be who they are without trying to force them into a mold. Trying hard to understand what they person wants, needs, etc. Not expecting a particular outcome with that person and not trying to own them or possess them in some way.

>How can I get to the level where I learn to not become reliant/dependant/"attached"?

You need to first understand what it means, then find ways to practice it (mindfulness meditation/vipassana is one). Then you simply practice it every day and you get better. Lots of patience!

I mentioned that I like Thich Nhat Hanh:

"Q: I have a lot of trouble letting go of things: relationships, jobs, feelings, and so on. How can I reduce these attachments?

A: To “let go” means to let go of something. That something may be an object of our mind, something we’ve created, like an idea, feeling, desire, or belief. Getting stuck on that idea could bring a lot of unhappiness and anxiety.

We’d like to let it go, but how? It’s not enough just to want to let it go, we have to recognize it first as being something real. We have to look deeply into its nature and where it has come from, because ideas are born from feelings, emotions, and past experiences, from things we’ve seen and heard. With the energy of mindfulness and concentration, we can look deeply and discover the roots of the idea, the feeling, the emotion, the desire. Mindfulness and concentration bring about insight, and insight can help us release the object in our mind.

Say you have a notion of happiness, an idea about what will make you happy. That idea has its roots in you and your environment. The idea tells you what conditions you need in order to be happy. You’ve entertained the idea for ten or twenty years, and now you realize that your idea of happiness is making you suffer. There may be an element of delusion, anger, or craving in it. On the other hand, you know that you have other kinds of experiences: moments of joy, release, or true love. You recognize these as moments of real happiness. When you have had a moment of real happiness, it becomes easier to release the objects of your craving, because you are developing the insight that these objects will not make you happy.

Many people have the desire to let go, but they’re not able to do so because they don’t yet have enough insight; they haven’t seen other alternatives, other doorways to peace and happiness. Fear is an element that prevents us from letting go. We’re fearful that if we let go we’ll have nothing else to cling to. Letting go is a practice; it’s an art. One day, when you’re strong enough and determined enough, you’ll let go of the afflictions that make you suffer.

From Answers from the Heart (2009) by Thich Nhat Hanh. "


For me - I found working through my fears immensely helpful. Fear of failure, fear of death, fear of skydiving, fear of whatever, all sorts of things. Being mindful of my body, thoughts, feelings while contemplating these topics for hundreds of hours has changed me in a positive way.

I hope you find some strength and peace! :)

u/Mizanthropist · 5 pointsr/secularbuddhism

You may find this book of interest:


https://www.amazon.com/Buddhas-Wife-Path-Awakening-Together/dp/158270418X

​

Anyways, people here are generally right that the context of Gautama Buddha's leaving isn't the same kind of context you'd find today. Also, I saw you express concern about detachment in a comment. I just wanted to introduce the idea that detachment often gets mischaracterized. A monastic can go to the extreme that people often think of - but they are also monastics. Buddhists who live in the world (lay Buddhists, etc)... the best way to explain is with a bit of a saying (I'm paraphrasing here):


If you love the butterfly in your hand, don't hold it too tightly.

​

It's not that there's no love or anything, it's that it's seen as best not to hold so tightly that the parties are harmed. We appreciate the butterfly while it's in the hand, but we accept that it will fly off and value the time it was in our hand all the more for that parting.

​

Not sure if that helps, but I hope it does

u/sir_timotheus · 2 pointsr/secularbuddhism

The Five-Minute Mindfulness Journal by Noah Rasheta (host of the Secular Buddhism podcast, which I also highly recommend) has been super helpful to me in building my mindfulness and helping me become more in touch with myself. This is probably the most relevant recommendation I have for your specific situation.

Why Buddhism is True by Robert Wright covers the psychology and science relating to Buddhism and meditation, and at least for me it really helps to know the science behind things. So maybe that would help you too.

And of course meditating also helps restructure your thought processes. I would specifically recommend mindfulness meditation to help you better understand yourself and loving-kindness (metta) meditation to help you find compassion for yourself and others.

u/dwlemen · 1 pointr/secularbuddhism

Hey. As mentioned before, there are some different traditions so depending on your flavor of choice, there can be some minor differences. I tend to come from a Theravada approach. For me, the best intro book to Buddhism was "What the Buddha Taught" by W. Rahula (https://www.amazon.com/What-Buddha-Taught-Expanded-Dhammapada/dp/0802130313). For an online resource, my go to is Access to Insight: http://www.accesstoinsight.org/

Hope those help.

Peace,

-Dave

u/abzurdleezane · 2 pointsr/secularbuddhism

If you are truly curious here is a link to "Why Buddhism is True" by Robert Wright.

In it he focuses on what psychology, philosophy and modern science including recent neurology can teach us about meditation. Just that, no god stuff no past life stuff just a thoughtful, skeptical assessment of what modern science and personal experience can tell us about our minds written by a superb author.

u/HireALLTheThings · 4 pointsr/secularbuddhism

I haven't really looked into teachers in particular, but Stephen Batchelor's books on both his path to secular Buddhism and Secular Buddhism itself are excellent reads. Here and Here

u/spookcomix · 1 pointr/secularbuddhism

"Buddhism Without Beliefs" by Stephen Batchelor might be exactly what you're looking for. It explores core Buddhist teachings from a non-theistic point of view.

The author's own point of view springs from having spent years in theistic Buddhist practices, then becoming agnostic himself.

I read it many years ago when I was on a similar journey, enjoyed it, and have recommended it many times since. Don't let its size fool you - it's small, but packed with things to wrap your brain around.