(Part 2) Top products from r/selfhelp

I hope I am not too late.

You can post this to /r/suicidewatch.

Here is my half-baked attempt at providing you with some answers.

First of all let's see, what is the problem? Money and women. This sounds rather stereotypical but it became a stereotype because a lot of people had this kind of problems. So if you are bad at money and at women, join the club, everybody sucks at this.

Now, there are a few strategies of coping with this. I can tell you what worked for me and perhaps that will help you too.

I guess if there is only one thing that I would change in your attitude that would improve anything is learning the fact that "there is more where that came from". This is really important in girl problems and in money problems.

When you are speaking with a girl, I noticed that early on, men tend to start being very submissive and immature in a way. They start to offer her all the decision power because they are afraid not to lose her. This is a somehow normal response but it affects the relationship negatively. She sees you as lacking power and confidence and she shall grow cold. So here lies the strange balance between good and bad: you have to be powerful but also warm and magnanimous. You can only do this by experimenting without fearing the results of your actions. Even if the worst comes to happen, and she breaks up with you .... you'll always get a better option. There are 3.5 billion ladies on the planet. The statistics are skewed in your favor.

Now for the money issue. Again, there is more where that came from. The money, are a relatively recent invention. Our society is built upon them but we survived for 3 million years without them. The thing you need to learn is that your survival isn't directly related to money. You can always get food, shelter and a lot of other stuff for free. You won't live the good life, but you won't die. So why the anxiety then?

Question: It seems to me you are talking out of your ass. How do I put into practice this in order to get a girlfriend?

Answer: Talk to people. Male and female. Make the following your goals:
Talk to 1 girl each day for one month.
Meet a few friends each 3 days.
Make a new friend each two weeks.
Post your romantic encounters in /r/seduction.
This activities will add up after some time and you will have enough social skill to attract a female. You will understand what your female friend is thinking. Don't feel too bad if it doesn't work out.

Question: The above doesn't give a lot of practical advice on getting money. I want more of that. How do I get it?

Answer: To give you money people need to care about you. People only care about you when you care about them. This is why you need to do the following:
Start solving hard problems.
Start helping people.
Problems aren't only school problems. They refer to anything: start learning a new difficult subject (for example start learning physics or start playing an instrument or start writing a novel). Take up a really difficult project that is just above the verge of what you think you are able to do. Helping people is something more difficult and personal. You can work for charity, help your family members around the house and other similar.

Question: I don't understand. I have problems and you are asking me to work for charity, donate money? How can giving money solve anything?

Answer: If you don't give, how can you receive? Helping others is instilling a sense of purpose in a very strange way. You become superior to others by helping them in a dispassionate way.

Question: I feel like I am going to cry, you are making fun of me!
Answer: Not entirely untrue. But this is not the problem. The problem is that you are taking yourself too serious. We all are, and I have similar problems. The true mark of a person of genius is to laugh at himself. Cultivate your sense of humor in any manner you can.

Question: What does it matter then if I choose to kill myself?

Answer: There is this really good anecdote about Thales of Miletus (search wiki). He was preaching that there is no difference between life and death. His friends asked him: If there is no difference, why don't you kill yourself. At this, he instantly answered: I don't kill myself because there is no difference.

Question: Even if I would like to change and do the things you want me to do, human nature is faulty. It is certain that I would have relapses. How do I snap out of it?

Answer: There are five habits that you should instill that will keep bad emotions away. Either of this habits has its own benefits and drawbacks:

1. Mental contemplation. This has various forms, but two are the best well know: prayer and meditation. At the beginning stage they are quite different, but later they begin to be the same. You will become aware that there are things greater than you are. This will take some of the pressure off of your shoulders.
   
2. Physical exercise. Build up your physical strength and you will build up your mental strength.
   
3. Meet with friends. If you don't have friends, find them.
   
4. Work. This wil give you a sense of purpose. Help somebody else. This is what I am doing here. We are all together on this journey. Even though we can't be nice with everyone, we need to at least do our best in this direction.
   
5. Entertainment. Read a book. Play a game. Watch a movie. Sometimes our brain needs a break. If not, it will take a break anyway and it will not be a pretty one. Without regular breaks, procrastination will occur.
   
   Question: Your post seems somewhat interesting but more in an intriguing kind of way. I would like to know more.
   
   Answer: There are a few good books on these subjects. I don't expect you to read all of them, but consider them at least.
   
   For general mental change over I recommend this:
   http://www.amazon.com/Learned-Optimism-Change-Your-Mind/dp/1400078393/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324795853&sr=8-1
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Generous-Man-Helping-Others-Sexiest/dp/1560257288
   
   For girl issues I recommend the following book. This will open up a whole bag of worms and you will have an entire literature to pick from. This is not going to be easy. Remember though, difficult is good for you.
   http://www.amazon.com/GAME-UNDERCOVER-SOCIETY-PICK-UP-ARTISTS/dp/1841957518/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324795664&sr=8-1 (lately it is popular to dish this book for a number of reasons. Read it and decide for yourself. There is a lot of truth in it)
   
   Regarding money problem, the first thing is to learn to solve problems. The following is the best in my opinion
   http://www.amazon.com/How-Solve-Mathematical-Princeton-Science/dp/069111966X
   The second thing about money is to understand why our culture seems wrong and you don't seem to have enough. This will make you a bit more comfortable when you don't have money.
   http://www.amazon.com/Story-B-Daniel-Quinn/dp/0553379011/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1324795746&sr=8-3 (this one has a prequel called Ishmael. which people usually like better. This one is more to my liking.)
   
   For mental contemplation there are two recommendations:
   http://www.urbandharma.org/udharma4/mpe.html . This one is for meditation purposes.
   http://www.amazon.com/Way-Pilgrim-Continues-His/dp/0060630175 . This one is if you want to learn how to pray. I am an orthodox Christian and this is what worked for me. I cannot recommend things I didn't try.
   
   For exercising I found bodyweight exercising to be one of the best for me. I will recommend only from this area. Of course, you can take up weights or whatever.
   http://www.amazon.com/Convict-Conditioning-Weakness-Survival-Strength/dp/0938045768/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324795875&sr=8-1 (this is what I use and I am rather happy with it. A lot of people recommend this one instead: http://www.rosstraining.com/nevergymless.html )
   
   Regarding friends, the following is the best bang for your bucks:
   http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324796461&sr=8-1 (again, lots of criticism, but lots of praise too)
   
   The rest of the points are addressed in the above books. I haven't given any book on financial advices. Once you know how to solve problems and use google and try to help people money will start coming, don't worry.
   
   I hope this post helps you, even though it is a bit long and cynical.
   
   Merry Christmas!

There's nothing that I consistently read or write every day that's always worked, but there have been a number of things over the years and decades that have become consistently useful to me, and that I always seem to go back to in one way or another.

Journaling, or any kind of writing. I'm not dedicated enough to do it every day, but it's rarely a bad thing. It's also interesting to go back to old writings years or decades later- some of it is still inspiring and useful, some of it is crap. All of it is my history, and that's not a bad thing.

Not really something I've read or done, but supportive online communities have helped me for years in different ways. The very good ones are not only supportive, but kindly call me on my bullshit, and steer me away from navel-gazing into positive action.

There have been a lot of books that have helped me, that I always go back to. I'm not religious, but I've found a great deal of help in reading some authors that are based in a spiritual tradition. When Things Fall Apart is not only a standby when I'm in crisis, but often has helped to clarify my thoughts and feelings about a situation or period in my life, and find constructive ways to move past it. Dark Nights of the Soul has also been very useful. I'm female, so Women Who Run With the Wolves has also been very useful, inspiring, and comforting at a lot of times. Create your personal sacred text has also been useful to me in terms of journaling- it has nothing to do with religion, but a lot to do with spirituality.

About the only daily thing that I've done for a very long time is to get the Inspiration Peak daily mailing, and Gimundo's good news daily update. Sometimes they don't speak to me, some days I find them annoying, but usually it's a good thing to get at least 2 positive pieces of mail a day. And I'm rarely too far away from the Serenity Prayer...at the moment it's on a sticky on my desk, on my fridge (the dinner hour here is chaotic), and posted in my bathroom (bathtime for autistic children can also be stressful). "The wisdom to know the difference" is always something that I struggle with, so it never hurts to have a reminder :-)

This is so normal, so common place, that I'm willing to say you are going through a very normal ( albeit an uncomfortable) phase.

This might sound a bit cliche, but the second you find direction...everything falls into place. Finding said direction is the hard part. But once you get it, it's almost magical how easier things become. Speaking from experience, I'd say that that should be your primary focus if you want to get out of this rut. Look for a place you want to be or a person you want to be and work towards it (give yourself a 203 year plan to get there so you don't beat yourself up when you fall short).

I have a few tips to help you on this trip.

• Stick with good friends. People who make you "feel better" are NOT good friends. People who challenge you, motivate you, and make your life richer are good friends.
  
  
• Throw people you don't like to the curb and never look back. "Nice" is the death of boldness. Be bold, even if it means letting people down, even if it means flat out pissing some people off. Obviously don't go looking for a fight, but if a genuine rotten person enters your life, tell them to go fuck themselves or flat out walk away. Doing this to bullies and assholes makes you feel vastly more confident.
  
  
• Walk in the woods. This clears you head so quickly that it's kind of odd.
  
  
• Hang out with people who are different than you, if only to get a taste of how others live. This includes members of the opposite sex platonically.
  
  
• Do something creative once a week. Write, paint, speak in public, whatever. I personally like to cook.
  
  
• Travel to a place you'd never think to go, annually if you can. Getting out of your town and seeing the world can really, really alter how you see the world. And it'll help you figure out what your major priorities are quickly.
  
  
• Avoid video games. I defend those as much as I can as entertainment pieces, but they are overall not good for you emotionally or socially. And no, online play is not social play. I'm not saying don't play them ever, but you should never consider video games to be a big part of your life or identity. And on that note, avoid "gamers" and people who call themselves that. You don't need that in your life.
  
  I'm assuming you're guy because it's reddit and I know how to work odds, so I'd recommend this book right away. It helped me through my funk and it's a great guide to channeling positive masculinity. I also recommend 'Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus' as a tool to help understand yourself and women, and the book Siddhartha (fucking excellent story of self discovery).
  
  

it's the question that drives us. (The Matrix) - What do you want to achieve with your post and your video's?
I partially agree with what you write but most of all fail to see the part in which you ask your question.

I get the impression that you are seeking and think that you might be interested in the book from Meng-tan (a google engineer). The title is search inside yourself. It's available on Amazon for as little as 13:59 (link) http://www.amazon.com/Search-Inside-Yourself-Unexpected-Achieving/dp/0062116932

and also for free as a pdf from here:
http://www.randomhouse.de/content/edition/excerpts/346837.pdf

About the Author, he's a really cool guy from Singapore !
https://siyli.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/The-Sun-01-08-2012-p21-Search-Inside-Yourself.pdf

Some other sources.
Here is a far out book,
https://wahiduddin.net/thinketh/as_a_man_thinketh.pdf
You become what you think about most of the time.

Bob proctor:
I think that his model of the mind is really good.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Urun_rE79_Q
Book: You were born rich.

Richard Bandler:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExGTdhOueCg
Bob Proctor talks about programing the mind, Richard Bandler is the 1st man to study when your interested in that.
Book: frogs into princesses & how to make a great life.

Best of luck & let me know if you find this information usefull to you.

Two books I recommend reading. I'm pretty young and yet have been very successful in my career so far. These have helped me quite a bit:

http://www.amazon.com/Linchpin-Are-Indispensable-Seth-Godin/dp/0307704076

http://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-Effective-People-Powerful/dp/0743269519/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1372916346&sr=1-1&keywords=7+habits+of+highly+effective+people

A summary of some tips:

1. Never ever complain. If you don't like something, always phrase it this way: "I noticed that X isn't adding value to our organization/team/etc. Instead, I propose we do Y, for these reasons: 1, 2, 3. This will result in Z."
   
   Tell this to your manager and colleagues, and you will look like a leader, not a complainer. Ideally, you could even start working on it before you propose it to people.
   
   
2. Do emotional work. Most people think a job is just doing what you're told, but this is only a small piece of it. If you can figure out a way to bring passion, organization, leadership, creativity, etc. to your job, then you will be seen as a stand-out employee.
   
   
3. Make other people be effective. This is straight from "The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People," and really this is something you should adopt in all your life, not just work. Change your perspective so you are thinking about how to make your manager better at her job, for example. Thinking in this way shifts the focus away from your problems, and helps build relationships between you and your peers, which is the foundation of moving ahead in a career.

Hey,

Congratulations on your decision to get help! You can do it. In you post history, I can see that you struggle with depression.

First, where are you located? Are you in Europe, in the US, somewhere else? In most places, you can find therapists. Are you still in school or studying? Many schools and universities offer free mental health councelling. Check those out! Depending on your situation, you might be able to qualify for government assistance. I am not in the US, but I believe you can check HealthCare.gov to find out if you qualify and take your next steps from there. If you don't qualify, there is a very cool blog post by a psychologist on how to get mental health care on a budget: http://slatestarcodex.com/2018/04/25/mental-health-on-a-budget/

Let me quote from that article:

"This section is on ways to do therapy if you cannot afford a traditional therapist. There may also be other options specific to your area, like training clinics attached to colleges that charge “sliding scale” fees (ie they will charge you less if you can’t afford full price).

1. Bibliotherapy: If you’re doing a specific therapy for a specific problem (as opposed to just trying to vent or organize your thoughts), studies generally find that doing therapy out of a textbook works just as well as doing it with a real therapist. I usually recommend David Burns’ therapy books: Feeling Good for depression and When Panic Attacks for anxiety. If you have anger, emotional breakdowns, or other borderline-adjacent symptoms, consider a DBT skills workbook. For OCD, Brain Lock.

2. Free support groups: Alcoholics Anonymous is neither as great as the proponents say nor as terrible as the detractors say; for a balanced look, see here. There are countless different spinoffs for non-religious people or people with various demographic characteristics or different drugs. But there are also groups for gambling addiction, sex addiction, and food addiction (including eating disorders). There’s a list of anxiety and depression support groups here. Groups for conditions like social anxiety can be especially helpful since going to the group is itself a form of exposure therapy.

3. Therapy startups: These are companies like BetterHelp and TalkSpace which offer remote therapy for something like $50/week. I was previously more bullish on these; more recently, it looks like they have stopped offering free videochat with a subscription. That means you may be limited to texting your therapist about very specific things you are doing that day, which isn’t really therapy. And some awful thinkpiece sites that always hate everything are also skeptical. I am interested in hearing experiences from anyone who has used these sites. Until then, consider them use-at-your-own-risk." (end quote)

There are also sections on prescription medicine and on supplements in that article. Check it out!

If you are in a particularly bad spot or just need somebody to talk, there are lots of phone lines and services where you can call in for free. One example: https://www.crisistextline.org/depression/ (US-based).

There are also subreddits like /r/depression where you can get help from people who actually know what they are talking about.

​

Good luck and hang in there!

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I'm in the middle of reading The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor which has been my first exposure to Positive Psychology and I feel like he has done a great job of introducing the topic. He does reference other leaders in the field, so I'm going to try to use it as a jumping off point to other resources.

This is a very good book and best of all it is very short.

Why We Get Fat: And What to Do About It

the summary is if your fat and your friend is thin and you have the same diet and activity level. Its more likely that you have the hormones that cant handle sugars and grains well. If you curb your diet
when it comes to sugars and grains then you will lose weight. If you want to become stronger and have more endurance you exercise. There is also a whole subreddit to teach how to eat healthier.

/keto

There is ample information on the top and the side as far as how to get started right away. Here is a meal plan.

six day meal plan

Naw, you're not insane, as long as you don't hurt anyone or yourself. Don't think in absolutes (insane or sane). I suggest taking a psychology and philosophy course at the local community college. These will help you a great deal in understanding how your mind works and connecting you with more resources. There is a great deal of knowledge from thinkers past.

http://www.amazon.com/Divided-Self-Existential-Madness-Psychology/dp/0140135375
http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Therapy-Revised-Updated/dp/0380810336

I can relate. I often feel stuck and unmotivated. I recently came across a book that's helping me make sense of why my repeated efforts at improving my life often fail. The book is called: The Power of Full Engagement: Managing Energy, Not Time, Is the Key to High Performance and Personal Renewal

I hope it can be of help to you.

A Fine Romance by Judith Sills - http://www.amazon.com/Fine-Romance-Passage-Courtship-Marriage/dp/0345385713

The controversial Iron John. Might be a little over the top for your needs, but it's very good.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B07C5V134V/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1523637654&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=quit+surviving+start+living&dpPl=1&dpID=41ySXUL7O7L&ref=plSrch

I suggest reading this book.

Try this book : Who's pulling your strings.

Emotional Blackmail
Fantastic book. Understanding the trap is half the battle.

This book The Courage to Heal is extremely comforting and great at making sense of your emotions from being molested or abused. In my experience people who have been molested tend to walk into situations where they're reabused - like the ass with the photographs. Knowing that kinda thing I think helps you to not beat yourself up about the after effects and just have empathy for yourself for having gone through shit early on.

Some doctors go nuts with the diagnosing. Especially bipolar - some doctors throw everything into that. And if you're on more than a couple pills I'd definitely get a second opinion. I've seen people get way more messed up from too many/the wrong drugs than from what they were originally facing.

Are you seeing a therapist as well as a psychiatrist? Because it sounds like you have allot to let out.

Do you know why you hurt yourself? Is it self hatred? Does it give you a way to control your feelings? Do you think they are building up to a suicide attempt?

You sound bright and like you've got some fight in you - I hope you can channel that into getting better and being the full person you've got in there.