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u/Arduinna · 1 pointr/sex

I can't speak for all women, but I associate sexual encounters as emotional experiences. My fondest memories of sexual encounters are fond because of who I was with, not what they did. So for me there isn't comparing sexual performance with past lovers so much. Most of the time they are behaviors/tricks that can be learned anyway. I've been with a decent number of men and my boyfriend felt very insecure at first when I'd told him how many men I'd been with before him. He had the same concerns, "If she's had better, how can I live up to that?" Truth is, you don't. You don't try. I can't make a list of the men I've been with and order them based on best and worst sexual experiences. They're all different to me. Yeah, there was some mind-blowing sex but it's not like I go into each sexual encounter and immediately start comparing former lovers. Each encounter means I focus solely on the person I'm with and what they can do or are willing to learn to do. Everyone is good at something in bed and as long as you can find a way to get her off and you listen to what it is she likes and wants then you're just fine. The love you two have will also increase the passion in the sex which heightens it anyway.

If you worry about her past you will constantly be miserable and get yourself very depressed. Stop worrying about comparing to her former lovers, stop worrying about being as good as them or better. What you need to do is realize you're not them and you don't need to be them and that she's not with them she's with you. Make your own memories. You don't worry about if her former boyfriends were better kissers than you, do you? Or if they gave better hugs?

And if you're that concerned about performance (which if she truly loves you she will be willing to work with you on it and willing to give you much practice when possible) then I suggest research. As a virgin I was incredibly worried that I'd fall into the virgin stereotype of the completely ignorant little girl that doesn't know what she's doing or how to do anything. I started researching. Research female anatomy. Read advice things on /r/sex when women answer questions about things they like (keep in mind all women are different, though there are many things we have in common that we all enjoy). There are books that give you great information like She Comes First which is a great book and various other books regarding the same topic. Don't just read one book. Read all of them. (IGNORE MAGAZINES) Compare information you learn in the different books. Watch instructional videos. Nina Hartley makes great ones, most of which you can find parts of or the complete video of online. Her one about eating a girl out is really spot on (no pun intended). As a porn lover I beg you not to try to learn things from porn. The more you learn about pleasing a woman the more you will realize how very very wrong porn does sex. It's hot, but it's all show. Knowing what to do will help your confidence boost a bit, then all you need to do is apply it and practice it. Practice is important and it will help you develop those skills better- but at least you're not going in blind. Also, ask her what she likes. Talk to her.

Don't try to compare to her past. Be yourself and make different memories for her. Don't try to be who they were- be who you are. My boyfriend was inexperienced before me, insecure, and felt badly because he's average-sized. I am absolutely blissful about my sex life with him because I love him. Because he cares and it shows. Because he's giving and considerate and makes sure that I get pleasure as well as him. There's passion and love. I make no comparisons between him or anyone I've been with because it doesn't matter how good the sex was- it's how good it is now, with the man I'm intimate with.

She's with you not with them. You need to keep that in mind and you'll be okay.

u/ShaktiAmarantha · 1 pointr/sex

Stop worrying. You are larger than average on both dimensions, but really it doesn't matter. Studies of sexual satisfaction shows that it is simply not associated with penis size in the middle 96% of the range. (Satisfaction does go down somewhat for women whose partners are in the top 2% and in the bottom 2%, but you are far from either extreme.)

Ignore the size numbers based on self-reports and estimates. Everyone exaggerates. The only large study of erections size - based on actual, physical measurements of more 15,000 men by trained clinicians - found that the median length of an erect penis is 5.17 inches and the median circumference is 4.6". It also found no differences based on race or region and only slight differences based on height.

Women in general are notoriously inaccurate at providing numerical estimates of penis size. In one typical study, women in the first six months of intense romantic love overestimated the size of their boyfriends' penises by more than 2 inches. So don't be shocked if you discover that some future gf is telling her friends that you have a 7.5" dick!

To see the data and find out where you fit, go here:

  • How Much Does Penis Size Matter?

    > To put all of this in context, women's preferences on penis size, except in really extreme cases, were very mild, ranking far below considerations like "cares about me," "makes me laugh," "has good oral hygiene," "is confident," "has nice hands," "dresses well," "is smart and well-educated," "smells good," "kisses well," and "gives good head" in women's actual and stated priorities.

    Some more links you might find useful:

  • Our very own r/sex FAQ on first time sex.

  • A Guide for Male Virgins - tips for getting ready, a detailed 12-step plan for first-time sex, and what to do afterward.

  • Better Sex 101 - lots of good tips.

  • Anatomy of the Vulva - so you both know what's where.

  • How to Locate the Clitoris - because that's important!

  • She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, by Ian Kerner - the best book for men who care about satisfying women.

  • Aunt Shakti's Action Plan for Proactive Modern Virgins - tips for her on getting ready and having a painless first time.

  • The Hymen Myth

  • You Can't POP Your Cherry! (HYMEN 101 video)

    The last two are important because if you're like most people pretty much everything you've been told about the hymen is false. You don't POP a hymen, and only a clumsy brute rips one. They are quite stretchy. You get her fully aroused and then gently push it out of the way and ease your way in. (This is true whether she's a virgin or not. I've had sex thousands of times and my hymen is still intact.)

    (A tiny percentage of virgins do have hymens that significantly obstruct the vaginal opening, but these should be dealt with by a doctor, not a guy with a battering ram. It's a simple outpatient procedure.)

    That's a lot of reading, and it's important to have some idea of what you're doing. But the best advice of all is to just relax and accept that it's often going to be awkward. Like all virgin couples, the two of you just need to fumble through the learning process together, with the understanding that real sex is not like Hollywood and definitely not like porn. Awkward and silly things happen to everyone. The more you can laugh at them together, the more fun you'll have and the better your memories will be later on. :)

u/matthewbischoff · 2 pointsr/sex

Hey nowweareopen,

First of all, I'd just like to say that some of the posts here have been unnecessarily negative. This subreddit is supposed to be accepting and I feel like people have written you off too quickly because of your age. I'm 21 (M) and in an open relationship with a wonderful 23 year old (F). We've been open for the past two years, and it's been immensely satisfying for ourselves and our lovers.

Yes, being in an open relationship is hard but so is being in any relationship. oo_nrb has a ton of great advice, so I'm going to try not to duplicate too much of that.

In general, it seems like you're going into this from a stable position and an open mind. I'd highly recommend that you both read Tristan Taramino's wonderful book Opening Up before you jump in head first. The book will teach you that everyone define's their open relationship differently, and that the most important part of non-monogamy is defining your rules and sticking to them. Open relationships demand a higher level of trust and a greater commitment to communication, because there is a lot more at stake.

> What are some common pitfalls people tend to fall into/how can we avoid them?

  • Not defining the rules early (Do you want to hear about everything? Before? After).
  • One partner finding tons of lovers and the other not (Help each other out and talk about how you're doing frequently)
  • Not slowing down or stopping quickly enough if the other partner is starting to feel neglected.
  • One partner getting into the open relationship because it feels like their only option. (Make sure you both want this and you're not just settling for it).
  • Safety (Condoms, STD tests, and safer sex practices are a must)
  • Confusing infatuation over a new partner for love. (Realize that new relationship energy will always feel amazing, but it's not the same as what you guys have. Always respect the primacy of your relationship).
  • Breaking the rules. Just because it's open, doesn't mean you can't cheat. Cheating is bad.

    > How do we find people who are interested purely in sex and are comfortable having sex with someone in an open relationship? I'm wary of Craigslist and online sites.

    The same ways your find them normally: bars, parties, friends, and sites like OKCupid. The thing to realize is that very few people are interested in "just sex". There's nothing wrong with being friendly or affectionate with the other people you're banging, as long as you respect the primacy of your boyfriend. You guys might want to start out with rules about how much emotion, connection is allowed if it makes your uncomfortable, but realize that you are restricting the number of partners that would be interested in you.

    > How do we broach the subject of sex in person to people he and I find?

    Flirt. Be touchy and make sure to be honest with your other partners that you have significant others, but that you're open. Explain your rules, your boundaries, and if you're comfortable with it, let them talk to your partner for confirmation.

    Good luck. If you have any other questions, let me know.
u/nielsdezeeuw · 1 pointr/sex

I've seen a few discussions pop up in this thread and I'd like to talk about a few of them to maybe clarify some things.

Why do men come more quickly than women?

For me, there are two perspectives that stand out. From an evolutionary perspective men would like to orgasm quickly because if the sex takes too long the risk of attack or the woman walking away would increase. So, men have evolved to orgasm rather quickly. This of course isn't an excuse in this day and age, but it does make it a biological issue.

Another interesting perspective is that when boys watch porn they often need to do this secretly. This means with the volume down, one eye on the door and as quickly as possible. Orgasm is the goal, not the pleasure beforehand.

Woman often take a bit longer before orgasm. Why is this? I don't know about the biological perspective but one perspective that you may have influence over is the way that you pleasure yourself.

How can women reach orgasm more quickly or mure pleasurably?

Women often need a bit more time before orgasm than men. I'm not saying this is because they don't know what they are doing, but I do think some women may benefit from some extra exploration into their own pleasure. The website talks about a few techniques that women find pleasurable. Techniques are edging, hinting, consistency, surprise, rhythm and multiples. Sex counsellor and psychotherapist Ian Kerner writes about a few techniques as well. His basic rule is to work on the right buildup. Women often loose their orgasm because the guy is not doing the right thing at the right time. Kerner shows you where to be at what time. A cool example I believe is mentioned in his book is this (paraphrased):

  • When a woman is showing the first signs of coming closer to orgasm, but she isn't "there" yet, this is often a critical moment where she may come close to the edge or lose it altogether. One technique that may work is this: the man has not used his fingers yet. He puts his finger at the entrance of the vagina. He does not stick it in, but he lets it lay there. He can stroke the labia a bit, but he does not stick the finger in. Two things can happen. The woman moves her body down to stick the finger in herself or the man eventually really slowly sticks the finger in.

    An important note on the technique described above (like all techniques) is that it's not the best trick to make her come instantly! but rather one technique that you use in combination with a lot of other techniques. By trying different techniques you find out what work for you. I highly recommend to read Kerners book and buy the subscription on the OMGyes website, because they are worth it. They may or may not let you orgasm more quickly, but they will give you a great support in exploring your pleasure.

    Why do men not care about the female orgasm?

    Again, there are a few reasons that come to mind. The first thing to look at is the social influence and sex-ed. I'm Dutch and sex education here is globally considered very good. Still, I don't remember sex-ed about how to get a woman to come. Of course sex-ed is focused on safety (pregnancy, STD's and social safety) and pleasure comes secondary. The only thing that's being said often is that both partners must enjoy themselves. So boys don't know how to give a woman an orgasm. Now they start watching porn. Still no or hardly any female orgasm. So teenage guys don't learn anything about pleasuring a woman.

    With no real idea how to pleasure a woman, getting her to come often becomes a difficult subject for men. They don't really know what to do. To make it even worse, when they try the mood often turns uncomfortable because it takes too long. How often have you said "I don't think it's going to work tonight"? This is fine when it often does work, but for many couples that sentence is the main go-to when he tries. On the other hand, when he doesn't try the mood is great, he gets compliments and she hardly ever complains!

    Lastly, many men have difficulty performing after orgasm. They may not be able to get it up again so PIV sex is out of the question. They are tired, but not just from the physical activity. The hormones involved with his orgasm make him tired. Also he loses his sexual appetite and he may even feel disgust or shame (this has nothing to do with you, it's also a hormonal side effect). So it's often better to have her orgasm before him.

    how do I talk to my guy about this problem?

    You want to have a serious conversation about it outside of the bedroom. Talk about how you feel that you are missing out. Also talk about ways to explore what you like and what you don't like. Don't blame each other, but see it as a hurdle for the both of you. Look for solutions and opportunities instead of problems.

    Lets say he tries to pleasure you orally. Of course you want to orgasm, but also focus on the pleasure he gives you. Complement him ("that feels so good") even if he doesn't give you an orgasm, because you want to keep a positive mood and you want him to know how much you enjoy it! Guide him in what you like or don't like ("yeah, there!", "can you go back to that thing from a minute ago?"). This way he learns on the job.

    Shift focus from orgasm to pleasure and fun. Maybe try to have sex once in a while where you and he don't orgasm. This does not have to be blue-balling or teasing, but it can also mean that you just cuddle nakedly or you have a quicky in the kitchen that you'll finish later in the evening. Make sure that he doesn't get a mixed message that he's doing anything wrong, though. So talk to him and communicate positively!

    Another way to shift focus from orgasm to pleasure is by having sex sessions where you don't have any PIV sex but only oral and/or manual sex. This way you break the standard foreplay>piv>orgasm>sleep routine. This may also be important because for many women oral sex is the preferred technique to get to an orgasm and for many couples oral sex is viewed as foreplay or as a side-dish. When it's the main course, you may have more luck and he will have more time to learn what you like.

    I hope this helps a bit. For any questions feel free to ask.
u/TantraGirl · 9 pointsr/sex

About 70% of the women who can have orgasms on their own can't have them during regular sex unless they also get a lot of clitoral stimulation.

I punched my v-card at 15, and from then to 23 I had a lot of sex, but I never once had an orgasm with a man until after I met my husband. He and I are now really well-matched in the libido department, but one reason we stay that way is that we took the time together to figure out my body and how to make sex amazing for me.

Some of the things that really helped...

  • We did Sensate Focus Therapy every week for five months, and did a number of other things that are recommended for helping women become more orgasmic. (See below for details.)

  • We incorporated sensual massage into foreplay and fingers and vibrators into foreplay and normal sex.

  • We became a lot less PIV-centric and started spending much more time on massage, oral, and other kinds of foreplay and sex.

  • He learned to "edge" me, getting me near the brink and then delaying my orgasm as long as possible. This takes all the pressure off and completely changes the dynamic from "am I taking too long?" to "OMG, that feels incredible!" And the orgasms are much longer and more intense when you finally get there.

    Let me start you off with four books and two book-sized websites:

  • Heterosexuality, by Masters, Johnson, & Kolodny: SFT instructions on pages 24-40.

  • Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women by Heiman & LoPiccolo: another version of SFT, this time geared to helping a woman become more responsive to arousal and making it easier for her to have an orgasm.

  • Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski: One of the best books on female arousal and sexuality.

  • She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman by Ian Kerner: The best guide for men to skillful foreplay and how our bodies respond.

  • A Beginner's Guide to Good, Great, and Amazing Sex: A collection of links to some great articles.

  • Extraordinary Passion: The Art and Science of Modern Tantric Sex: This is a book in blog form, a complete step-by-step guide to extended sex without all the "spiritual" stuff you find in most tantra books and websites.

    Also, my answer to a post at the start of the year has links to other articles that are related to orgasm problems: How to let go and O already?.

    One last tip: if you've been slacking off on exercise, hit the gym! There's a clear correlation for women between exercise and the ability to orgasm. This seems to be especially true for strength training activities like Pilates and CrossFit.

    Best of luck!
u/RainbowUnicornFemme · 9 pointsr/sex

As a "unicorn", I feel I can add a little advise:

  • Always be forthcoming about your intentions with everyone you interact with. When you talk to your bf, leave it clear that this is something you want to explore with him by your side, and perhaps emphazise that you aren't doing this because he isn't enough. One of the couples I have gotten to know is super cute. He sees her liking FFM 3ways as someone who wants to eat a PB&J sandwich. Why restrict yourself to either PB or J when you can have both??

    I feel you have gotten a lot of advise as to how to approach your bf. I want to add more in terms of how to approach girls, as, forgive me if I'm wrong, but I'm thinking is more likely than not that he will agree to proceed. In my experience men tend to be pretty understanding and supportive of their gfs/wives being bi and wanting to bring a girl into the bedroom for both to play with. ;)

  • Once you talk to him, I'd recommend you guys play along different scenarios and come up with ground rules and boundaries. You both need to agree on those BEFORE you try and find a girl. As a third, it is clear when a couple is looking for a third because they are in a stable relationship and want to play like that, and it is also clear when that isn't the case. I have personally ran in the opposite direction when I've met couples who are the latter. It's a lot more fun to join a established couple who knows how to have their fun ;)
  • Finally, be forthcoming with the girl too. I'd highly recommend reading "The Ethical Slut" and "Sex at Dawn". It is hard to find willing girls. Once you find one, I'd recommend you find a subtle way to leave it very clear to her that you are meaning to explore/play, not to have an emotional relationship. Unless you do want to do that. But most definitely leave your boundaries clear to the girl.

    Let me know if you have any questions. Best of luck! ;)
u/Genitalhandshake · 2 pointsr/sex

I just read your post and felt empathy for your situatiom. I've been in a similar one myself (I have a small penis and trouble with premature ejaculation). For a long time I thought that I couldnt pleasure women because of it, but I've since changed my mind and I am actually enjoying a trusting and fulfilling relationship right now.

The secret to this is quite simple: girls in general doesn't like to get fucked as much as porn or other men (who are educated through porn) would have is believe. What girls care about is one thing: connection. Trust me.

I'm going to take a wild guess here, but I believe that what you want is to give a woman pleasure. I'll say it again: pleasure. The ultimate way to affirm that you've given someone pleause is that she orgasms right? Now ask yourself: what is it that makes most women experience this pleasure?

Answer: oral sex in a safe and trusting environment that makes the woman feel appreciated and beautiful. This is what makes most women feel appreciated and once I realized it's actually true (by asking people what they enjoyed and reading up on it - see for example the Kinsey Report and Masters and Johnson I decided to try the following:

  • Put intimacy and pleasure first.
  • Learn how to pleasure women orally by employing the techniques in "She Comes First":
  • Understanding what women actually like themselves by reading: "The New Male Sexuality":

    I've tried this on several women since, and trust me - size queens and petite and shy women enjoy themselves tremendously and make sounds of ecstacy in bed with me. And it's my tounge and fingers that makes them come back and choose me over well hung alphas.

    TL;DR - The cock is inferior to the tounge in giving pleasure. If you do it right. Women are not cock-hungry beasts, men are the ones who perpetuate that myth.
u/sjrsimac · 13 pointsr/sex

This is gonna be hard for you to do, but try not to invest your ego in her ability to orgasm.

I know that sounds weird, and you're probably thinking, "but I'm investing my ego in my ability to make her orgasm." Nah, no one can make someone orgasm. Yes, my girlfriend has hands, mouth, and pussy delivered from heaven that makes me feel pleasure I didn't know mortals could know, but the reason I orgasm (or don't) is because of my mental state. If I'm preoccupied, I'm going to have a much harder time coming, whether I'm using my own hand, or if my girlfriend is riding me.

I'm going to take your girlfriend at her word, that she loves being intimate with you and has made her peace with not having orgasms. I'm sure she would enjoy orgasms, they are the definition of pleasure, but if she can't get herself to cum, there is no reason you should beat yourself up for not being able to make her cum.

The best thing you can do for your girlfriend at this point is continue to let her know, both verbally and (more importantly) nonverbally, that you love every single part of her body. If you love eating pussy, kiss her pussy while you're kissing the rest of her body. If you love her ass, make sure you pay attention to it when she's just walking around the house. And it never hurts to pin her to the wall and kiss her just because, you know, she's there.

Finally, I recommend that you read She Comes First by Ian Kerner. That book is more than a series of tips and tricks to hit a woman's sexy buttons. It's a complete narrative that describes the attitude a sexual partner should take when developing a relationship.

u/ilikemarmite · 7 pointsr/sex

So the term that you're looking for is triad and there are many people who engage in the kind of relationship you're seeking. It has been suggested already, but I would like to reiterate that r/polyamory is the place you need to post this. It is the most accepting, knowledgeable community on reddit regarding nonmonogamy. I have been in a quad for over a year and it has been the most helpful internet resource for my husband and I.

The Ethical Slut has been recommended, there's also Opening Up. I found Opening Up to be an incredible resource to get my head around the different types of nonmonogamous relationships, the possible issues that may come up and suggestions on how to approach them. The biggest concept I got from that book was that no nonmonogamous relationship is exactly alike and whatever works for your relationship is what's right for you.

I would suggest all of you read either/both of the books suggested. Take notes, makes lists of questions/comments/concerns and all three of you jointly work out a relationship structure that works for all of you. Are you all going to be on equal terms? Is your wife going to be primary and your gf secondary? Is your gf moving in? If she is, where is she sleeping? Will you be ok if your gf dates and brings other men/women home where your child is? Will your gf have the right to discipline and make decisions for your child? Just a few things to consider.

The biggest things in having a poly relationship, the same with any relationship are communication and in my opinion, radical honesty. You all need to feel safe about communicating EVERYTHING big or small and you all need to sit down and listen with as little defensiveness as possible. Issues will come up that may be about anything from jealousy to who should have done the dishes, you need to be able to work through these issues together, equally.

Our quad doesn't cohabitate, my hubs and I live together with our two boys and our other couple is married and live with their dog, so I can't give specific advice/thoughts/opinons on that. However, being in a polyamorous relationship has been one of the most rewarding, beautiful experiences I have ever had. The amount of personal and relationship growth we've all had has been so incredible. The level of support during good and bad times, the intimacy, the love, it's wonderful. We've had our share of ups and downs and it certainly has its challenges, but overall, it has been an amazing addition to our lives.

One of the challenges that we have found is dynamics with disagreements. The way my husband and I communicate difficulties or have disagreements is different than how our other half does. It was quite a learning curve figuring out how to negotiate issues, but with patience and a lot of communicating we've figured that out. Adding more people adds more angles to consider in all aspects of your relationship, positive and growth inducing.

Good luck!! You're in for one hell of an adventure! :D

u/jokka1 · 2 pointsr/sex

our situations are pretty similar im 44, been with wife for 18 years. classic deadbedroom though she has had a ton of health problems the last 10 years and is finally good. we recently went through the same discovery. it was all done by me but it was me that was the problem (other than the health stuff).

i reach a point i realized i didn't like what we had become and i decided to change. I realized that after talking with a close friend who had lost her husband recently.

i learn by reading so

u/mrs-darling · 4 pointsr/sex


Ethical non-monogamy is an umbrella term that includes any activities where all parties involved know about the outside relationships and agree to participate. So if I am into another man, both my husband know about the guy and the guy is aware that I am married. It includes everything from swinging (sex, no emotions, typically done as a couple) to polyamory (literally "multiple loves" and can include multiple loving relationships) and a bunch of other dynamics.

Us? We allow for the "spark." You know how you meet somebody at random and you feel a connection with them? A spark? Like for some reason, at a crowded bar or gym or library, you spark with that one random stranger? That. That is our ethical non-monogamy. When that happens, we go to our spouse and let them know we felt that with somebody else. We talk it out. We are excited for each other and encourage each other.

We personally don't seek out other relationships; no dating profile or swing clubs here. We simply enjoy our loving and healthy marriage and if we feel a connection with another, we are free to explore why that person has been brought in our path. Maybe they are meant to be a friend, or teach us a lesson. Maybe they are to be the greatest fuck of our lives. Maybe we could love them. We don't want to spend our lives wondering "what if." We have found some love, some lust, some heartache, some heartbreak, but overall, it has been an incredibly positive experience.

This requires gobs of honest communication, so you'd be a natural at that end of it.

Both my husband and I have realized, after time and practice and mistakes, that neither of us are interested in sex without loving emotions. We just aren't into unemotional sex. Can we have a couple drinks and find a beautiful chick to give my husband a two girl BJ with me in a nightclub bathroom stall? Sure. But sexual relationships with a consistent partner requires actually caring about that person as a potential member of our family. The emotions never go away. You get concerned, jealous, elated, frustrated, etc. It is all in learning how to deal with those emotions. I guess, at the end of the day, if my husband all of a sudden fell in love with another woman and didn't want anything to do with me anymore, well, I don't want a relationship with that man anyway. That is not the man I married.

Some can have sex without emotions. The questions is can you guys? To thine own self be true.

u/Lucy-Aslan5 · 1 pointr/sex

I saw someone else recommended the same book I did. I’m going to suggest you read it even if she doesn’t, although both would be best. :)

It might explain a lot to you about how her sexuality works. Especially the part about not being sexual or sensual outside the bedroom.

I always see sex as an intimate act. My sexuality only fully expresses itself in a relationship where there is love, trust and respect. That doesn’t stop stop it from being playful or primal with my husband. Those aspects of our sex life have grown and increased the longer we’ve been together.

I sometimes think of it like this..the more trust the less inhibitions.

It’s great that she is affectionate outside the bedroom. That may be her love language. If you are the same way that’s a great match.

Some people have more of an affinity for sex that centers around oxytocin and attachment. That would include romantic sex, affectionate sex, tantric sex. Some people desire adrenaline sex which requires a little aspect of newness and danger. That would include kinks and fetishes like BDSM, exhibitionism, etc... You can learn to enjoy both but probably not to the degree you have for your natural fit.

Edit: quote from review of the book.

>Instead of stopping at overdone "female sexual desire is highly dependent on psychological factors, so light a candle and love your curves" bull, it actually breaks desire down further and provides exercises to help you figure out exactly what makes you tick, and how to help yourself- whatever those needs may be. While I'm coming at this from the perspective of a very inhibited woman, Nagoski doesn't neglect women who are quite the opposite. So if you're looking to understand why you want what you want, and how to bring those desires in line with your goals, this is a great book.

u/outalterego · 2 pointsr/sex

What you are describing is a struggle common to all submissives, not just male submissives. According to a 2015 study in Canada, 64.6% of female respondents indicated they have fantasized about being dominated sexually while only 59.6% of males indicated that they have fantasized about dominating someone else. Similarly, 53.3% of male respondents indicated they have fantasized about being dominated sexually, but only 46.7% of females indicated that they have fantasized about dominating someone else. If you scroll down to that table at the bottom of the article, you can see that the same trend holds true for most BDSM activities. More people fantasize about being tied up than tying someone else up, being forced to have sex than forcing someone else to have sex, and being urinated on than urinating on someone else. The one exception is that slightly more people fantasize about spanking someone else than being spanked.

The study also found that fantasizing about being dominated was a good predictor for having more fantasies over all (including those that involve dominating someone else) and for experiencing each fantasy more intensely. The good news is that this suggests there are quite a few switches out there. It also suggests that two submissives who each have varied fantasy lives may be able to find at least some overlap in sexual compatibility, though perhaps not with regard to their strongest preferences. The bittersweet news is that even if a "pure" submissive gets paired with a "pure" dominant, the submissive is still likely to have more fantasies over all and experience them with more enthusiasm than the dominant. So again, this is an issue faced by nearly all submissives to varying degrees. Still, we can find some value in recognizing and accepting this disparity, and realizing that it makes a certain amount of sense intuitively. Dominating can be enjoyable but also takes a lot of work. The metaphor isn't perfect, but consider that there are probably more people who enjoy receiving massages than giving them and more people who enjoy riding roller coasters than operating a roller coaster, even if it is fun to see all those smiling and terrified faces.

Another thing worth noting is that this and other studies have shown that while men usually want to see a large percentage of their fantasies acted out in real life, women often maintain a clearer boundary between what they fantasize about and what they actually want to try. The authors of the study noted that, of the women who described a sexually submissive fantasy as their favorite fantasy in the open-ended section of the survey, half of them felt it important to mention (without being asked) that they would never want to submit to their partners that way in real life. So keep that in mind as you're vetting potential partners. Just because you get a submissive vibe from a woman you're interested in (or a dominant one) doesn't mean that's the whole story. In the end, there's no substitute for ongoing open communication and slow, unfolding discovery of another person's complex and often paradoxical desires, inhibitions, and willingness to experiment and explore.

If you're up for some reading, I highly recommend Emily Nagoski's book, Come as You Are. If you don't want to purchase, you can listen to it for free with an Audible trial if you haven't done one recently. It's written by a woman for women, but in my opinion there's no better book that men can read to better understand female sexuality. Nagoski helped me move beyond a lot of my binary thinking about men vs. women and submissives vs. dominants and better understand the seemingly contradictory statements my wife has made over the years. It also taught me a lot about my sexually as a man.

u/Laynaro · 2 pointsr/sex

Firstly, I actually like how straight-forward you are. IMO, this is the type of talk that gets facts across... but, as evidenced here, some people automatically equate this to being a 'bitch'. Sigh.

Secondly, how lucky he is to have you? I cannot say because he is not here commenting, but, you sound very lucky to have him. You are able to actually tell him things some females would hesitate to tell their significant other (many put up with bad sex for fear of hurting feelings)... It is quite nice. Would be very helpful if you guys do end up going to a seek help from a professional. :)

My main point: Did you ever enjoy sex with your husband, maybe when the both of you started dating, during some "honeymoon phase"? I ask because, if yes, it may be because your husband is too often always there for you. Yes, this is a very good trait to have as a father and a husband, but, not as a lover! Domestic needs often times do not match with sexual ones, so, if not recognized, can lead to situations such as yours (love having him around as a husband because he is like a dependable rock, but it is stifling as there is no sexual excitement because of lack of uncertainty).

If you can relate in any way to my last paragraph, I would recommend Esther Perel's "Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence" (Amazon link). There is also a TED talk given by her that touches quickly on topics discussed in her book, here (link). Trust me, her findings are quite eye-opening.

Others are telling you that they feel bad for your husband, and that they are feeling quite negative in general in regards to your relationship with him. However, I think maybe are just questions that haven't been asked - ones that even you (who research everything) may have not thought to look up on. So, have a look at the links I gave you. Maybe you will have a, "Eureka!" moment.

Good luck. :)

u/chdrchyz · 0 pointsr/sex

There is nothing to be embarrassed about. Lots of women squirt and guys love it! My wife is a squirter. The orgasms she has when she squirts are also usually the most intense ones. I can usually make her orgasm and squirt very easily just with g-spot stimulation, but she also squirts from PIV and even just from giving me blowjobs by stimulating her vagus nerve (really amazing!).

Just get a few of these to throw down under you for easy cleanup

Enjoy the pleasure you get from your orgasms! Us guys love it! Be proud of the amazing things your body can do.

u/izjustsayin · 5 pointsr/sex

I have a couple things to say, from her perspective (because that's my perspective too). I am married and bisexual and wanted to be with women. The compromise my husband and I came up with is that we would try swinging with couples where the woman was bisexual so that I was able to experience women and he wouldn't feel left out. Things have worked out beautifully for us, but at first, I would have preferred for him to just give me permission to have sex with women on the side. He was not comfortable with that, so we compromised.

Anyway, I would be worried about the "boundaries" being respected. It's really, really easy to get caught up in the moment. I'm not saying it's guaranteed to happen, but you need to think about what kind of consequences there will be if it does happen. For me, couples should have "agreements" not "rules." Flexibility is important in open relationships.

Also, think about what kind of relationship you are comfortable with her having. Are you okay if it's only one-night stands? Are you okay with her having a FWB? What if she does fall in love with a woman?

Finally, get some support around dealing with your emotions. You can go on r/polyamory and ask questions, they are friendly and open there. You can also read "The Ethical Slut" and "Opening Up" by Tristen Taormino. I would strongly recommend "Opening Up" for both you and your girlfriend. Read it together so you can discuss it together.

u/ephrion · 7 pointsr/sex

Non-monogamy is a totally viable way to have a long lasting, loving, trusting, safe, healthy, etc. relationship. MoreThanTwo is a great website with a lot of articles on doing polyamory well. If that's something you want to explore, you should also try and read The Ethical Slut (this is widely recommended in the poly community), Opening Up (has a lot more practical advice than Ethical Slut), and lastly, feel free to join us on /r/polyamory.

Doing polyamory right requires a lot of communication skills and introspection ability. However, if you learn how to do all this, you'll be even more well equipped to navigate monogamy!

With all that said, people change a lot when they're young. Who I was at 17 was fairly different from who I was at 19, and the difference was even more dramatic compared to me at 21. And myself at 24 is unimaginably different from all of them! So while it is possible that you and your boyfriend could grow together, you also might grow apart. Cherish the time you have now, and allow yourselves to grow as fits best for each other.

u/hammer-head · 36 pointsr/sex

> Generic /r/sex[1] advice, tell him how his actions made you feel. Find out if it is specifically sleeping in the aftermath that bugs him or if it's something else all together. Maybe he just feels unclean afterwards and wants to go get a wash but thinks telling you that may hurt your feelings? I find squirting hot but if I'm on the bottom I get soaked and after the fact, it gets all cold and not a great all round feeling. It may bother him more than it bothers me.

I think this advice started in the right direction, but quickly turned into a question of problem-solving. She came here because her husband hurt her feelings, and that needs to be addressed before worrying about why he doesn't like sleeping on a wet bed.

I think OP's husband reacted insensitively to the situation. I think she feels blamed for something that happened involuntarily out of what was supposed to be an act of love and intimacy.

Of course, Husband has needs too, but it appears that both partners are having difficulty communicating their respective needs (or recognizing each other's), and that is getting in the way of their intimacy. She can't anticipate his or pull them out of him, but she can share hers first and then ask for his in return.

OP, here is what I recommend you do: speak to your husband objectively about what happened and how it made you feel (i.e., even though I think his actions were insensitive, please try your best to keep such judgments out of the initial discussion). Be sure to consider that sometimes, it's what he didn't do that hurt your feelings.

> When you went to sleep in the other room last night, I felt hurt and embarrassed - especially because you didn't invite me to come sleep with you.

Then, express a good faith desire to resolve the issue together and strengthen your bond

> Physical intimacy with you is important to me. I want to feel good about it, and I want you to feel good about it, too.

This is when I think it makes most sense to ask what he's feeling.

> Can you tell me what you were feeling when I squirted the other night? I know you might be worried that your response could hurt my feelings, but I'll do my best to listen, accept, and understand the truth.

And then you can work on a solution!

From a practical perspective, there's a handy solution to this that's been posted before.

(Long story short, OP from that thread really loves these pads.)

u/dweicli · 1 pointr/sex

Instead of asking him to do something he's not interested in, see if you can get him interested. Bring it up more often, watch porn with a heavier focus on the female receiving oral, or maybe load them up in your browser history and let him stumble across it. Show him signs that theres something you desire. Tell him you're not being fully pleasured without oral. If he cares about your needs, he should be more open to it.
Im on the opposite end, and love giving oral, but wanted more information on it regardless. Here's a great book ive come across. The beginning is more about research and anatomy, but it gets better as it goes. Theres a little bit of humor too so its a fairly easy read. Its called, "She Comes First" by Ian Kerner. Heres a link to amazon.

Side note, something that drives me crazy is when a girl texts me randomly and tells me shes thinking about me going down on her. Come night time, all i want to do is just that. Subtle hints can be your best friend. Good luck to ya!

u/Dangeruscreature · 1 pointr/sex

That’s absolutely right! Communication is KEY in a marriage. Especially when it comes to intimate things. You two can learn together and explore something you haven’t yet. It’s a beautiful thing. And the fact that you actually care about her pleasure and what she feels already says so much about you. A lot of men don’t. Not all, but a lot. And it’s so much better when you are both focused on pleasuring each other. Then after awhile, you can blow each other’s minds!
I’d also be careful with how you approach counseling. You don’t want to give her the idea that you think something is wrong because that could make her shut down more. I’d suggest reading a book first and then having a nice sit down. Fully clothed to take the pressure off and let her know you love her and you want to make her feel really good. Maybe on the couch or at the table so she doesn’t feel weird.
She comes first is an excellent read! And highly recommended. Here’s the link for amazon. Cheers!
She comes first

u/Abracadabrawoohoo · 2 pointsr/sex

As others said liberator makes a blanket but honestly this is what I'd recommend: The northshore champion washable underpad from Amazon!!! its a machine washable big like mat that's fairly soft on one side (not fluffy like a blanket but it's soft) and if you put it under you (you can get a big one, mine is like the width of half the bed) it holds an incredible amount of liquid and most of the reviews show that people are using it for squirting. There's even a now-famous Reddit post about it: /r/sex/comments/nvdnu/my_perfect_solution_for_squirters_and_the_mess_we/

It's inexpensive, totally reusable and easy to pop in the washing machine and you can buy a couple to have on hand. And waaaaay easier than washing the sheets!!

u/sexual_informatics · 2 pointsr/sex

This gets mentioned fairly frequently, but I think you should take a look at Emily Nagoski's book "Come as You Are". She does a good job of presenting the sexual accelerator/brake framework for explaining libido. While it's possible that your girlfriend is experiencing a decrease in the "accelerator" part of the equation (this often happens as relationships mature), it's also possible that your advances are engaging the "brake".

It seems clear from her defensiveness that she's having trouble decoupling your unmet sexual expectations from the fate of the relationship. Unfortunately, she can't just will herself to overcome her brakes, and feeling frustrated/lacking as well as afraid for the relationship is definitely not a sexy atmosphere. Rather than continuing to press the issue or invent ways to create spontaneous interest in her, talk to her. Ask her what she finds arousing ("accelerators"), what circumstances she definitely does not find arousing ("brakes"), and whether she can actively disengage brakes that she doesn't think are logical, or actively create situations that she finds arousing.

Sex occurs when the context is correct and her brakes are disengaged. Buying sexy lingerie and showering her in compliments are (well-meaning) shots in the dark for what she truly finds arousing.

u/SFSexInfo · 1 pointr/sex

Communication is probably the most important part of sex. You and your FWB should probably have a conversation to figure out what your each looking for in a threesome and what you each would be interested in participating and what you wouldn't want to participate in.

Tristan Taormino's Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships is a good resource in looking at possible options. Her blog mentions the Beyond Two dating site for folks looking for more than one partner, as a spot to help you find your Unicorn.

Once you've found your 3rd, a conversation with the three of you is a good way to find out where the attraction is, what's each of you would like to try out with the other(s), need, want, etc. In some communities, this is called "negotiation" and is a great way to make sure everyone gets what they need from the relationship and has a good time.

There are many foreplay possibilities such as massage, mutual oral stimulation, etc. -- you might wish some time on those before going to the various penetration options.

SFSI Staff,

LV / P

San Francisco Sex Information (SFSI) provides free, confidential, accurate, non-judgmental information about sex and reproductive health. You can reach us by e-mail ([email protected]) or by phone (415-989-SFSI).

u/whiskey_pants · 3 pointsr/sex

Have you seen a doctor? There are steroid creams that can help loosen the foreskin. Were you retractable before and then developed phimosis, or is it merely that the foreskin is still attached? If it's still attached, having sex may loosen it, but it is possible to have sex with the foreskin still adhered.

For me this would have been no worry when I was young. I can't say how other young women might respond, but I do not recall anyone taking any issue with a man being a virgin when I was in your age range. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself. Fordyce spots aren't rare and there are creams you can get if they bother you. It's just excess sebum, something your skin is supposed to make anyway as a way to keep itself hydrated and healthy. There is nothing wrong with fordyce spots other than if you don't prefer how they look.

If you want to feel more confident try reading She Comes First. It is a great reference to learning how to give pleasure to a woman and will help you overcome the areas where you are lacking confidence by giving you a better idea of what feels great to ladies and why.

u/rivener · 2 pointsr/sex

Approach this with caution. Be sensitive to his needs, and -if- he agrees to this, just ask for a little at a time. It may be a month or two before the next stage. If bondage does it for you, I would start with something mild, and something he can perceive as reasonably safe (such as this). I would ease him into bondage, before the S&M play. Once he is more comfortable with restraining you, get yourself a collar and maybe a gag (again baby steps). Once he is feeling comfortable with the bondage aspect, I would bring the dominance into play, and only after all of that, would I bring up the S&M play.

Bring up the safe word, Green/Yellow (more please and not my thing) mostly as comforts to HIM so that he -knows- your the one really in control. Also, safewords are not just sub only. If the dom feels out of whack they can pull it too.

I would recommend checking Mojoupgrade with him to start with, then bring this up. He may have some other fetishes himself that he doesn't feel comfortable bringing up himself, and then bring up -aspects- of play that you want, not the full blown situation.

Best of luck. Also, I would consider reposting this to r/bdsmcommunity

u/Emack76 · 6 pointsr/sex

Her clit will feel like a nub (small knuckle?) right in the top middle. If you run your tongue up the center of her cleft you can't help but run into it. It might be partially covered by the clitoral hood. Push that back (with your tongue) and push her labias back (also with your tongue) to isolate her clit. Sucking lightly can do the trick, and so can wiggling your tongue back and forth, or up and down across it. Some like hard pressure, others like soft pressure. Yet others like indirect pressure (leave the hood in place). Put one hand on her stomach and one hand along her side. Use them to sense when she tenses up. That usually means you've found a good spot so read her body language. If she ever says, "Right there!" then for the love of all things good, don't stop what you're doing!

Lastly, get a copy of She comes first. It's a good primer.

Good luck!

u/PositivelySexual · 3 pointsr/sex

It sounds like you guys are putting way too much pressure on her orgasm, and that will just make it even more difficult to happen.

First of all, how enthusiastic is she about having an orgasm? Is it something she enthusiastically wants too? Or, looking honestly at it, is it more something you want to give her?

Beyond the physical, which you have obviously experimented a fair amount with, some people can have a mental barrier to orgasm. Women in particular, many who have been conditioned by society to be ashamed of their sexuality, can have trouble reaching that point or may feel too vulnerable or exposed to allow it to happen. If your wife is open and enthusiastic about having her own orgasm, I recommend you to encourage her to explore and own her sexuality. Try getting her some books (and read them yourself too so you can discuss them) like Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski or finding other ways to help her feel more comfortable about and expressing her own sexuality. With gentle, persistent positive reinforcement and great patience, as your wife becomes more comfortable with her sexuality her orgasms may just start to blossom along with her new mindset.

u/[deleted] · 7 pointsr/sex

>i had an old condom maybe a year old that wasnt lubed at all, so we used some lotion. we had trouble at getting it in at first, is that normal?

Go to the store and buy lubricated condoms, or go out and buy lube. Astroglide works well. You should never ever use lotion because the fragrances/chemicals they contain can be highly irritating to sensitive genital tissue. They will likely also lead to infection.

>also she has a somewhat hairy bush and i dont really like it, how can i tell her to get rid of it?

The way you phrased that question seems a bit self-serving and insensitive. Why don't you like it? You might suggest that shaving or waxing would make cunnilingus more pleasurable for her and easier for you to perform- that was the case with my ex-girlfriend.

>i have a soft bed, as in its soft, i think that might of not helped us, do firmer beds help sex?

Personal preference really. That's what experimentation is for :)

>She has never givin me a full handjob and has never gone down on me, i have only fingered her, but she has sex with me? do any ladies have an answer to that?

Dude, you can give yourself a hand job whenever you want. Trust me when I say that you're not missing out on much. She might not feel comfortable knowing what to do when going down on you, or be worried that she will disappoint you. If that's the case, you might point her in the direction of this popular tutorial.

Edit: As mistressg stated, your girlfriend might not have been very wet due to nervousness. If you take the proper time and care to turn her on before you have sex, chances are you won't need lube at all. That being said, I would still recommend a lubricated condom.

Go down on her before you have sex next time, after lots of making out and foreplay. She should be begging for sex by the time you're ready to go at it. Read up on some literature online like I did when I was a sexually repressed, nerdy teenager. This a is a great book on the topic. I guarantee you and her will both have much more fun that way, plus you want to keep her coming back for more, yes?

u/G_o_o_d_n_a_s_t_y · 3 pointsr/sex

Think about this on an abstract level. You and her each have your own desires and anti-desires. You have the weight of history in your sexual interactions. And you have incentives to keep each other happy / content in different ways.

From that viewpoint, once you started each wanting to have sex for different reasons, your incentives and anti-desires started diverging. You, with a spontaneous libido, want to get sex started more often. She, likely with a responsive libido, wants to please you but isn't feeling sexy in her mind or her body. Maybe that's because of weight gain, because of worrying about what it will do to future arguments, or because of family life stressors. Over time, with this pattern repeated, both of you have build up separate mountains that you approach sex from. Yours is built of a desperate need to connect with your wife and feel desired. Hers is built on wanting to preserve the marriage and prevent another unsexy discussion about the non-sex you're having. Where in those mountains is there space for either of you to be erotic, either to yourselves or to one another? When you consider the tangle of history and incentives, where is there space for you two to flirt and play, to show desire and feel desired?

Sorting through this is going to require both of you to be on the same page about what the end goal is: a healthy sex life. Be explicit about what a healthy sex life looks like to each of you, because maybe it's different. Maybe she thinks she only wants PIV sex a few times a month, but you want it more often, so you can compromise by taking a bunch of boudoir photos that you can use for self-release more frequently. Meanwhile you'll each need to read about the topic and do introspection. Learn about spontaneous vs. responsive desire, read about the chasing dynamic, and go on dates! This talk contains excellent material and is worth watching and discussing together and this book, although repetitive at times, contains some gems that could help.

u/ShesSoInky · 1 pointr/sex

I don’t have specific recommendations of things to do but I do want to encourage you to learn more about desire. Specifically in long term relationships and as it pertains specifically to women so I’m going to make some reading recommendations.

The first I’ve already read, the latter I have not started yet but it deals specifically with this topic and I’ve heard great things and have heard the author talk about the research and at the very least its fascinating to consider.

In any event good on you for being out in front of the issue and recognizing that these things take work. So many people think (erroneously) that desire and chemistry just ARE or AREN’T. But it absolutely takes work to maintain over time. And research is beginning to show that women get “bored” more quickly than men. This has been wrongly labeled as a lowering of libido for women in LTRs but as it turns out most women say they still WANT sex. Just not so much with the same person or in the same ways over such a long period of time. So if we and our partners are aware of this inclination we have much more power over controlling the outcomes.

Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence - Esther Perel

Untrue: Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Infidelity Is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free - Wednesday Martin

u/neuenono · 2 pointsr/sex

Straight dude here who has a decent amount of experience with chicks experiencing that toy. I've been with four partners who tried it; two loved it (both of them could only come with a toy, ever) and two found it way too strong (one of them could only come with a toy, ever).

If you two have never masturbated together before, do that first. And then for her first experience with the new toy, she should use it and figure out what works & doesn't. You can be there to learn, observe, take care of the rest of her body, and maybe even fuck her while she uses it (as the other comment said, prone bone and hitachi go great together). And then once she figures out how she likes it, she can hand it off to you for future play. This advice goes double since you said it's her first toy.

One tip I can offer is that if your partner does find it too stimulating, you can buy a lamp dimmer to give it a bit more dynamic range (since the magic wand only has "high" and "nuclear" settings). I bought this one and it really works. You can also simply put some fabric between the toy and her body, from a t-shirt to a folded-up towel. It's THAT strong.

Good luck!

u/thisisthegoodpart · 2 pointsr/sex

My friend runs her own boutique salon and offers body waxing services to both her female and male clientele.

Certain customers have very sensitive skin on the delicate parts of their body.

For those customers, my friend routinely uses the Seiko S-Yard ES412 Cleancut Personal Shaver.

This Japanese import shaver does the best job in getting as close as possible, but its blades and screen are engineered so well that the shaver can easily be used on the most sensitive parts of either female or male body without any danger of nicks or cuts on the skin.

She uses this shaver in tandem with Sween Body Powder, an ultra-fine grained cornstarch-based body powder, which allows the shaver to literally glide over the skin.

For men who come for the first time with a great deal of body hair, she'll first use a standard set of professional-grade electric hair clippers, like the Oster 76 Classic with its matching 00000 blade which cuts existing hair down to a 0.02 mm size, at which point the Seiko S-Yard can easily trim the remaining hair down to 0.0025 mm or less.

As others have mentioned here, you can get a decent shave with other personal area shavers like the Norelco Bodygroom Pro or the Schick Quattro Trimstyle, but if you want a consistently close yet safe shave of the genital region, the Seiko S-Yard is your best option short of using a razor.

u/ahatmadeofshoes12 · 8 pointsr/sex

Tenga Eggs are great to start with. I bought my partner a variety pack for $25 on Amazon and we've been having a lot of fun with them together and he's been enjoying them on his own as well. The first time we used them he came twice in a row (the first time without ejaculation and the second time he came really really hard and ejaculated a fuck ton). The eggs are supposed to be one time use but we've extended the use of them by washing them with soap and water afterwards and having my partner remove the egg just before he comes to keep them a little cleaner (when we use them together he cums in my mouth and thats a lot of fun anyway). I would recommend the Tenga Fliphole as a long term toy but until then using the eggs can be a lot of fun and can give you a toy to use for a few months or so for not a lot of money. The variety pack I bought can be found here for $35. Its a bit more than when I bought it (Easter special) but this is still an amazing price for the pack of toys and I would absolutely say they are worth the money. The lube they come with is pretty shitty though so I would use your own lube and just use the eggs. My partner and I use them with Sliquid Gel lube and it works out great.

u/renegadeduck · 1 pointr/sex

What you're talking about is called hotwife. It seems there's an active sub for that: /r/hotwife. Be sure to check out their sidebar for more links and information.

A couple of books that are often recommended for non-monogamous people are The Ethical Slut and Opening Up.

It sounds like your fiancée is not fully onboard. You need to make sure she's okay with this. That means really listening to her, and possibly getting her a therapist or somebody else that can support her.

It might be useful to talk to a relationship counselor who's experienced with non-monogamy. Unfortunately, it might take some work to find them. You could go to a local BDSM munch and ask around, or ask around the sub for your city. You might have luck searching for somebody who's “kink friendly.”

If she's sure she wants to try it, start slow — maybe just have her flirt with other guys where you can watch?

Good luck, and have fun!

u/priegog · 3 pointsr/sex

It was many years ago... But I think I (quasi-legally) downloaded an ebook on the subject, let me google around a bit... Yup, I'm about 90% sure it was this book, but I'm pretty sure that as with everything on the internet, the info is bound to be on random and free sites as well. The book dabbles a bit on weird eastern concepts; you can go ahead and safely ignore that. The gist of it is learning all the phases that you go through before ejaculation (that normally happen in maybe less than a second), and realising that orgasm can be achieved before getting there. As I said, very conceptually similar to edging, but this also incorporates kegels to allow you to somehow "hold it"... As I said, I don't remember the theory too well, but the technique itself I learned and continue to use it without thinking much about it. OK, it's not a "technique"; more like having learned all that stuff and putting it to use (to get there you WILL be using some techniques, though, mainly while masturbating).

As for hard, it isn't really that hard, you just have to have a little self-restraint. Because you SPECIFICALLY need to STOP stimulating ever closer to orgasm/ejaculation, and TBH taking the decision to do that instead of saying "fuck that shit, I'm cumming, I can do that some other day" is the hardest part, but it becomes easier, lol. As for how long it takes... I honestly don't exactly remember, but a few weeks... you start to see progress from the very beginning though, so that's always helpful.

u/-pixel · 1 pointr/sex

Ooooh. I'm not entirely sure, but was it Emily Nagoski? Here's a link to her TEDx talk! She's absolutely wonderful. I've been reading her book Come As You Are and it's really, really helpful for so many reasons. I recommend the TEDx talk and the book either way!

Good luck! ♥

u/thegrim99 · 11 pointsr/sex

Hmm, going through the thread you are more vanilla, which something everyone seems to be missing.

Here are some of my favorite things to do that are simple and sexy:

Tie her hands behind her back (crossed or parallel). Use rope and do it slowly (and I mean fucking slow!). Make it sensual as you stand behind her wrapping each coil of rope around her wrists. Pause, keep one hand holding the ropes and the other with a firm grasp under chin, and lightly nibble on her ear. Finish off the tie. Obviously you can't fuck her missionary, but you can bend her over something: table, counter, or even your bed and fuck her hard from behind. Make sure to use her helplessness to your advantage with proper foreplay.

Frogtie her (ankles to calves). This is a great position and opens her up for penetration. If your worried about her arms try a box tie where her arms bent at right angles behind her back. This will be more comfortable considering.

Tying her spread eagle to the bed. Simple and effective. Make sure you use the proper knot that you have seen so it doesn't cut off circulation. An alternative to this the under the bed restraint system. Works like a charm.

Don't be afraid to experiment! Bending her over and having your way with her is a great place to start, but make it unique. Surprise her when she gets home (talk to her beforehand to avoid having the same thing happen to you by a man named Bubba in county).

Let me know what you think and I can see what else is out there!

edit: Links

u/chamil03 · 2 pointsr/sex

I think 15/16 is good time to broach the subject, but just be nonjudgemental and they will feel comfortable coming to you when the time is right. If there is a woman in their life who they are comfortable going to for advice that might be easier for them.

I feel like a lot of guys are just ignorant. I've recommended this book to many of my guy friends! (You can easily find free PDF's)

u/Trevie3 · 3 pointsr/sex

Woah woah woah there, Eager McBeaver. Start with oral sex on your partner's genitals, then slowly work a finger into the action (not into their rectum.. yet), casually teasing around the anus, just rubbing.

Next it would be a good idea to move to anilingus, I don't know if you're into that, but it feels awesome and spit is a good lube.

Finally, with a wet lubed finger that has been teasing their anus, just go in up to your first knuckle. Keep it still at first, continuing oral sex the entire time. Just feel around with this single digit, not twisting or sliding in and out, but applying pressure in different directions a bit. After a while go up another knuckle.

If you're performing this on a lady, I recommend this (for oral) and this (for anal) book. After reading and experimenting, you will be the master of oral and anal pleasure. Best of luck.

u/mojo-jono · 1 pointr/sex

He needs to learn to be cliterate. I've heard great things about this book. I don't know how he'd react; something tells me he wouldn't appreciate it, but communication is the best way to finding better sex. If he's unable to let you communicate to him your needs and desires, neither of you are gonna have a good time. Reassure him that you love your sex life, you just want him to change it up a little.

u/emprameen · 1 pointr/sex

Always shower!

This is one of those hard-to-answer questions that depend on what people want and expect. In my experience typically people don't talk about having sex with other people unless someone brings it up and both parties are okay with it. I always assume my lovers, unless we agree to monogamy, are seeing other people as well.

If you want to bring it up, I think that's great, although you might not get a very sexy reaction. When people bring it up to me, I appreciate it.

Ask what people want and expect. It can be as simple as "Would you want me to tell you if I had other sexual partners?" Some people like to talk about it in detail, others just want a simple yes or no, with no details about who or when or where.

I recommend this book: The Ethical Slut For more things to think about.

u/paperseverywhere · 1 pointr/sex

>he'd be frustrated and say something along the lines of "but I've always been able to get girls to finish with just oral."

That is not a cool way for him to handle the situation at all. Tell him you love his enthusiasm but that different women enjoy different things. Anyone who actually cares about pleasing you - and not just his own ego - will listen to what you want and follow direction. If he's going to insist that you "should" like having oral performed a certain way, then he's a jerk.

Also, I suggest having him read She Comes First.

u/funky_shmoo · 1 pointr/sex

I'm sure some ladies will have more specific advice on the hygiene side of things. You might want to edit the post to include your gender. Regarding giving yourself the best opportunity to enjoy it, ask your boyfriend to be patient and give him as much feedback as you can about what does and doesn't feel good. If you're not sure what will work for you, be patient as your boyfriend explores so long as it's not painful. You might also recommend your boyfriend buy and read this..



It's literally an entire book on the subject of cunnilingus, and a read I highly recommend for anyone interested in learning how to orally pleasure a woman.

u/d3driver · 23 pointsr/sex

Whilst this may not help, your fiancé is a lucky man, as he has a lady who is able to SHOW him how much she enjoys herself with him. I envy him.

As to the actual question asked, you may with to consider a specialist waterproof sex blanket such as the Liberator

This will let you enjoy your delightful ability without the worry of cleanup apart from just throwing the blanket into the wash.

You’d also likely benefit from water borne sex too, such as in the shower or bath, where your ejaculate can disperse easily.

Hope this is of some help, and please don’t be put off on any way

u/TooMuchJargon · 1 pointr/sex

Was the ejaculation clear? If it was that could just be pre-cum (your body releases it prior to ejaculation to line the urethra).

And when you say that your erection faded completely, do you mean that it faded and you couldn't get another one?

Also, I'm slightly confused by what you mean when you say that you felt your penis filling up with cum. Did you actually feel the cum in the shaft?

In my personal experience I have at times partially ejaculated without orgasming(during masturbation). The more cum I produce during a partial ejaculation, the harder it is for me to get hard afterwards.

As far as satisfying this sexually frustrated friend, If I were to give you one tip, it would be to read this book. Unless you know for a fact that this girl is completely opposed to oral, I would strongly recommend you read this book. It's not too long, and I found it to be one of the most informative, helpful books I have ever read on sex.

Think of cunnilingus as one of many tools you can use to satisfy her. If you learn how to do it properly and pay attention to her responses while you're down there, it can be your most formidable asset. Porn conditions us to think that intercourse is the most important part of sex, and the only way you can satisfy her. But if the female body was designed to orgasm through intercouse, the clitoris wouldn't exist.

u/201109212215 · -1 pointsr/sex

Really tough measures, but you need them:

  • /r/NoFap To have the hardest hardon for her self-esteem issues, when the time comes.

  • for pleasure giving.

  • Tell her you don't want to pressure her into sex, that she should initiate when she feels like. Let her be the initaitor. In the meantime, do not hesitate to have lots of little contact gestures in daytime (palm on her shouldder, random kiss, etc.)

  • Fix your life into being able to not live at your mom's. Maybe move to her place. Make her move into you new home.

    That's the best you can do. The rest is in her hands.
u/HisApprentice · 2 pointsr/sex

I am still in the process of reading it, but this book seems quite eyes opening on the subject of sex, desire and pleasure for women. From what you said, your wife is still curious or at least open to the idea of feeling more passion or overcoming some conservative education, so it can be worth giving it try, since you're already searching for answers here?

u/SilentAJ · 3 pointsr/sex

There are a lot of gross attitudes you have going on there, but I'm not even going into all that.

Y'all should both read: Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

Read this together. It's a little heavy but the table of contents makes finding pertinent chapters and sections super easy. Otherwise, think about what you think of as sex and expand that idea. Talk to her about if mutual masturbation would help make her more comfortable, for instance.

u/SpinozaFan · 3 pointsr/sex

> it really is all about him

Well half of that is because of him because he is being a selfish lover. But the other half of that is because of you since you accept it and allow it to continue to be this way.

Are you saying he won't give you oral? Won't use fingers or toys? Saying that you want "more orgasms" is VERY vague. Tell him how you want to be touched. If he still does not want to touch you in ways you want to be touched, find out WHY. If he does not value communication, this is a red flag IMO.

Regarding intercourse, have you tried missionary with a pillow under your butt? There are many factors involved, but it truly is "all about angles." Keep on trying different positions, different angles. Then again, many (most?) women cannot orgasm from penetration alone. Therefore...

Either you or he need to play with your clit during penetration. He has issues (still don't know what they are), but you're perfectly capable of doing this, no?

Also, the both of you might be interested in this book:

u/seirhne · 8 pointsr/sex
  1. You're not greedy or selfish, if you're being open, communicative, and receptive to your partner's needs
  2. Who says being a slut is a bad thing??

    Perhaps you and your SO would benefit from reading the following books together: The Ethical Slut, Sex at Dawn, and Open Relationships.

    Sex at Dawn gives a great evolutionary perspective on why some of us crave multiple lovers, The Ethical Slut will make you embrace your slutdom as long as you're ethical about it (which it sounds like you are!), and though I haven't yet read Opening Up, I hear it's a great how-to guide for open relationships and communication.
u/samadhii · 1 pointr/sex

Consensual non-monogamist here. Huge fan of said relationship model. It's a lot more work than a convention monogamist relationship especially in the beginning. You have to make sure everyone is on the same page and that trust is established. Like I said it is more work, but I find the with complete open communication it is much more rewarding. TRY IT OUT.

GOOD BOOKS TO BUY: The Ethical Slut and Opening Up

u/floodblood · 2 pointsr/sex

Husband half of a recently opened marriage here! We're a late twenties couple that's been together for 13 years now. We both were starting to get really curious.

You should definitely checkout The Ethical Slut. It covers so many bases in terms of non-monogamy and really helped my wife and feel like we weren't crazy for wanting this lifestyle.

She had her first hookup this last weekend! It took us about about a year to get here. It took a LOT of work on our communication.

Hope you two have fun! Feel free to PM if you have questions.

u/evolutionape · 6 pointsr/sex

Not sure this will help...but check out the Great Wall of Vagina art project.

It highlights the many differences that exist between women's vaginas. More importantly, they're just plaster maybe they'll be easier for you to look at and provide yourself with a little "exposure" to overcome the discomfort you feel.

I kind of understand how you feel...although I don't think I've ever felt those things to the degree that you describe. But female genitalia can seem very foreign when you're young.

You see your penis all the time, but it's not often you see a vagina. And when you do, you're in the throes of sex, so you may not really get to explore it in a curious way...if that makes sense.

Also, it might be helpful to read some anatomy books or guides that will help you get to know the vagina a little better.

Maybe something like Women's Anatomy of Arousal or She Comes First

Both are often mentioned in sex ed. circles...and I'm sure there are plenty more.

u/bqueen18 · 2 pointsr/sex

These things are the best! My husband and I use them and have hadn’t had to change our sheets. All of our fluids stay in the pad. I’m a squirter, so this is an awesome buy for us. It doesn’t feel like a towel or a pee pad. It’s comfortable to lay on. I honestly forget it’s there in the midst of things.

NorthShore Champion, 35 x 47, 31 oz, Washable Underpad, X-Large, Each

u/altaccountthree · 2 pointsr/sex

I bought one for my SO about five years ago. It's gotten a lot of use and a lot of love.

I would recommend picking up a speed controller. Amazon bundles one on their site that looks like a very techy thing. That's all well and good, but if you want something non-descript and something that you can leave out when not in use... Get the Lutron Dimmer Switch instead. Works really well, you can buy it at local retailers (Lowes) for like $8.

I have not used/purchased the Shibari Halo, so I can't comment on quality, but the build is nearly identical and really, you're not going to be using that on her for more than an hour or so at a time.

I bought a micro-wand for the SO back in 2011 that's wireless and it packs a kick, so you really probably won't be disappointed with whatever you choose.

Oh, buy one already. At this rate, you won't have it until Monday if you're ordering off of Amazon, so you just lost out on a weekend full of your SO having orgasms, buddy. You'll thank me next weekend.

If you can order with Saturday delivery, friggin order one now. :)

u/hacksoncode · 2 pointsr/sex

Desire for multiple partners is not polyamory. It's an entire philosophy based on mutual respect, honesty, openness, and potentially multiple love interests (who may or may not be sexual partners). Read The Ethical Slut if you want to understand it.

u/shiseido_red · 6 pointsr/sex

I don't have one, but I've read about people using dimmer switches to get more control over the intensity. You want one that you can plug into the wall and plug the wand into the other end. Here's one on Amazon marketed for the Hitachi, but I want to say that Ikea sells a very affordable one that works pretty well. Good luck!

u/sunshineupyours1 · 2 pointsr/sex

I strongly recommend the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. She does a great job of explaining and challenging myths around sexuality, provides tools for readers, and gets into all sorts of other topics related to sexuality like meta-emotions, pre-/misconceptions, and anatomy.

For example, she discusses the following:

  • The term "sex drive" is a mischaracterization of sexual desire because, unlike hunger or thirst, people don't die from sex depravation. She likens sexual desire to curiosity.
  • Spontaneous desire: how most men experience desire but only 15% of women (i.e., suddenly horny/aroused without erotic stimulation).
  • Responsive desire: how 30% of women experience desire (i.e., arousal comes from erotic stimulation already happening).
  • 50% of women experience some combination of the two desires, depending on the context

    I want everybody to read this book. It's all the sex education lots of people need but didn't get.
u/unserplatz · 7 pointsr/sex

Over 70% of women can't orgasm from intercourse alone - that is a fact. Most still find it enjoyable - it feels good, it's intimate and it's hot to see you partner's pleasure.

>what can men do to accomdate women?

Give your lady lots of clitoral stimulation. Making her cum from oral before you enter her usually works very well. I highly reccomend this book, if you want to learn how to be a good lover.

u/mindblowingo · 1 pointr/sex

Why not just buy an extra top sheet or a super soft towel. Satin or soft cotton pillow case would probably work too. If you are willing to spend some money, you can look at the liberator/fascinator throe or something cheaper but less sexy like this. We have a the throe because my wife squirts on occasion which makes much more of a mess than what you are describing so that may not be necessary. That said, it's almost a part of foreplay when we lay that out.

Best of luck.

u/AssGapeLover · 6 pointsr/sex

So what you want is just some hunk of meat to put your penis in, to find ways to last longer, with no emotional investment of care of what their feelings might be? If you were a girl, does that sound intriguing?

Can't you just masturbate before you have sexy time? This way the sperm chamber is emptied, so to speak.

Your way of thinking that if you don't come and you lasting longer will automatically make the sex 'better' is false. Making sex better is complex, is different for different partners, and means making it more pleasurable for her and for you. Not just lasting longer. Working together, not just getting working on your ability to last longer. Also, sex doesn't have to end when you ejaculate. Try not thinking so selfishly, and leave your 5-7 minute eqo crutch aside. Make her come first, then yourself.

Here is something that could actually benefit you:

u/kevlarthebarbarian · 2 pointsr/sex

Great read regardless of your skill level in the bedroom. I've helped save some friends relationships by recommending this book. Has served me well, and it will serve you well too. Hope this helps! :)

u/benisnotapalindrome · 0 pointsr/sex

This is an absolutely brilliant book that breaks this question down. The short answer? In the not-so-distant past, before the advent of agriculture, that is exactly what you would do. Everyone shared resources, casual sex with just about everyone was not only allowed but encouraged because it fostered friendship and cooperation and caring, jealously wasn't a factor, women were often in charge, and generally everyone was happy, healthy, and well cared for. There wasn't really war to speak of.

Then, we invented agriculture. Suddenly private property became a thing, and it was all down hill from there. People were limited to a plot of land to defend. War, monogamy, and fidelity were are culturally learned behaviors that we adopted once we shifted away from nomadic living.

Seriously, this book takes a very witty but thoroughly researched and developed approach to answering why there is so much focus on fidelity and sexual reservedness when our bodies seem to yearn for ALL the sex with ALL the partners, and I cannot recommend it highly enough.

u/analfartcocktail · 2 pointsr/sex

We started with these. Definitely a starter type thing. Its nice because in terms of the handcuffs, these can be separated from the rest of the system. So if you want handcuffs you are all set. Nice and soft, easy to get in and out of, completely non threatening, but totally good at their intended purpose - to restrain. And when you are ready, you can move to the full bed restraint system for more/different fun!

u/lilblackcloudinadres · 1 pointr/sex

If you really want him to understand -- and maybe if you seek more understanding yourself -- Emily Nagoski's Come as You Are is an amazing read. She's a sex educator who goes into great detail about women's sexual response. (Spoiler: It doesn't work the way you think it does. It doesn't work the way any of us think it does.)

The most relevant material to your situation is her chapter on the dual control model, your brain's system of "brakes" and "accelerator" that govern how excited you feel and how fast you get there. Read it and it'll help you determine what's actually going on: Are your brakes too sensitive, or does your accelerator truly need to be jammed harder into the floor?

...Figuratively speaking, of course.

u/SweetFlaminJerk · 1 pointr/sex

This thing is my jam for cleaning up "downstairs"

The body groom is great, easy to use and makes everything uniform for your lady/gent with different size heads for different lengths. Forget all these people saying to avoid electric, don't waste your precious time shaving everything or (eek) cutting with scissors. It doesn't catch or pull on skin and I use it on all the areas including the sack. Of course use a razor for fine details but this bad boy always gets me back to a nice clean zen pube-garden. And just to note, this thing works great even against my very coarse, thick hair.

u/rawmaterial · 33 pointsr/sex

And there it is. Change of circumstance. Circumstance plays a huge part in female sexuality. Have you ever heard the classic joke advice about how to get your wife to have more sex with you--Do the laundry, do the dishes. A woman seeing her husband step up to help her out with taking care of the home can put her in a different mindset and get her motor running. Obviously this varies from person to person. A different wife might get stressed out by her husband doing the laundry (he's not folding clothes the right way! etc).

How is she supposed to "try harder?" She's just going to suddenly want sex more by sheer willpower? Nope. You two need to educate yourselves more on sexuality, sex drives, and get to know the circumstances under which you do and do not feel turned on. I recommend Mating In Captivity for both of you and Come As You Are for her.

Recognize that this is a problem and without concrete efforts to educate and reframe the situation, nothing will change. You can't keep doing the same things and expecting a different outcome. But it sounds like you are both willing to try, and that's what is most important.

u/esenozbay · 21 pointsr/sex

Hey! I looked through the comments and did not see any suggestions to help with your situation. Here's my suggestion:

I recommend the book "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski, where the concepts of SES and SIS (Sexual Excitation System and Sexual Inhibition System) are explained, as well as some ways to deal with a sensitive SES, which you seem to have.

Also, check out this link, where you can fill out an inventory to learn about your SES and SIS.

I don't have your problem, but your situation was mentioned in the book and it sounds exactly like you. I'm hoping that these resources will be very helpful for you!

u/MattDamonsTaco · 9 pointsr/sex

Some women have a hard time orgasming from PIV. No big whoop. I've dated some of them.

I've dated some women that have only ever had an orgasm through masturbation. That doesn't mean they didn't enjoy sex, but just that it was hard for their partner to bring them to orgasm.

If he is serious about wanting to give you an orgasm, buy him this book and have him read it. I won't lie: I was rather confident--and pretty good--at giving my partner an oral orgasm but after reading this book? FUCK YES. My oral skills were taken to the next level.

Edit: One of my partners had never had an orgasm from someone else until I went down on her. I loved the fact that I was able to give her her first 'non-manual' orgasm. Since then, she's orgasmed from not only my mouth, but also my fingers alone (much like she masturbates) and a toy in her ass with my fingers inside of her, doing nothing more but pressing down on her g-spot. Sometimes it just takes patience and communication. Say yes to both!

u/tek1024 · 3 pointsr/sex

Check out She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman.

Clear, concise advice about how to go about pleasuring a woman orally and in other ways, replete with explanations about female physiology, mechanisms involved with orgasm, diagrams of clitoro-neural pathways, and all the rest. A great primer, in any case!

u/TheUKMuffinMan · 1 pointr/sex

You can buy the book Natural Harvest
It’s a full collection of semen based recipes available for the kindle and on Amazon

I gifted it to a dirtycumslut of a friend and she found it enlightening and entertaining.

Not sure if I can put this

Sorry mods if it’s not allowed- I’ve no financial interest in the publication or the selling company

u/SensitiveNerve · 158 pointsr/sex

My wife and I were once in a similar situation to you and your husband, and we were able to turn it around completely, and now enjoy a really happy and fulfilling sex life -- a journey I described in detail in this post.

>For me however I don't desire sex. Maybe once a week I get a slight desire and it often comes and goes. He needs to get me in the mood, sometimes it works, most of the time I shut him down. Not because I don't want too but because I'm worried if I'm not in the mood it'll just feel uncomfortable. Even just light play.

This sounds frustrating, and I could totally see how you might worry that your libidos are "miss-matched" -- but that may not be the case. If you're like my wife, you might be feeling super stressed out about this, or even like you are somehow "broken." If so, that seems really painful and isolating.

I would offer, with a ton of respect, that I find the terms "low libido" and "high libido" to actually be pretty unhelpful and inaccurate ways to describe human sexuality. As you start to learn more about how our brains and sex drives work, you'll realize that these two terms are too simplistic, and I personally feel like they lead to a lot of hurt feelings and frustration.

The thing that changed her life (and by extension mine) is reading the book Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski. [Check out this comic about it, it's a good intro.] Reading that thing, we realized that most women have what's called a 'dual control model' of sexual arousal, which is like gas and brake. For me and most guys, we can basically just step on the accelerator at a moments notice and get to the right RPM easily. For my wife and a lot of women, there can be a foot on the gas AND a foot on the brake, in the form of anything stressing them out (the house is a mess, my mom keeps texting me, the kid broke the thing, my husband hates our sex life and is going to leave me, etc.)

We also learned another life-changing idea -- responsive desire, which means that my wife's arousal is like a water heater. (Sorry to switch metaphors) Three minutes of gas, and the water is still fucking freezing. Is this the end of the world? Hardly. She is slow to heat up, but once she gets going (and her foot is off the brake) she can get to a scalding boil. But my strategy of, "I'll give it five minutes, then declare it broken and play games," was dooming me to a life of never getting laid ever again -- and never feeling intimacy again.

Also, for what it's worth, I'll push back against the advice to spend too much time on /r/DeadBedrooms. That subreddit is more like a support group and safe place to vent, particularly for "higher-libido" partners who feel unsatisfied. That's awesome that it exists, but it's also a bit of an echo chamber, and I worry it can foster more resentment than it cures. Just my experience.

If what I've written here is helpful, and you want to ask any follow up questions or would like more detail on any point, I'm happy to help how I can.

u/keithontheinternet · 3 pointsr/sex

There is NOTHING to learn from most porn. It is not a guide and it's all fake and/or unattainable. They are outliers when it comes to bodies, body parts, flexibility, and ability.

All positions are modifications of him on top, you on top, and you either facing towards or away from him. You don't need instructions to get into them. You just start somewhere and move your parts until something feels better. Try lifting a leg, lift both legs, lean back, rotate your pelvis slightly, etc. The Kama Sutra is for way later on in your sexual career.

If he wants to learn to pleasure you, have him buy this book: She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. Then you need to get comfortable talking to each other and expressing what feels good and what doesn't. You can learn SO MUCH just from each other.

Getting him to stop watching porn is another matter. Most men, and lots of women, watch porn sometimes. Asking him to stop cold turkey will cause resentment and he will just end up watching it in secret. If he watches porn that offends you, or if he is comparing you, or if he is asking you to do things that you are not comfortable with, then he's probably not the right guy for you and there's someone else who will treat you better.

u/zenpear · 2 pointsr/sex

I recommend checking out /r/nonmonogamy and /r/polyamory. These things are becoming more and more normal.

Admittedly, it's quite rare that two existing partners will find themselves wanting to open up a relationship at the same time. One of the best books on the topic is The Ethical Slut. It actually contains a lot of insight that anyone in a relationship should read, and can help bridge the gap between your current paradigm and the one you seek to foster. A few takeaways that I absorbed during my transition earlier this year:

— Your needs matter, too, and it is important to weight them honestly against the cultural programming that tends towards shaming non -monogamy in all its forms. At the same time, you can't approach it as a "more right" philosophy on love and sex. People will come along with you or they won't and you have to accept that, too.

— Being honest with yourself is really important. Make sure you let your second-order brain power figure into the trajectories you're planning — in other words, don't just think with your dick. Sex is great, but be honest with yourself about what makes you happy and how your actions will affect other people. Do you have a good grasp on what it is you really want? For too many people "more sex" can be just one iteration of the misguided notion of "that next thing over the hill that I've been waiting for to make me happy".

— Sex with other people doesn't inherently take something away from your partner.

— Having more than one partner that you are close to emotionally and/or sexually means that you have more people in your life to lean on in hard times, especially if the hard times involve one of your other partners.

— You have to be really honest with yourself (and your partner) about your feelings and your needs. If you can't do this, or aren't willing to learn, then you are probably going to hurt other people or yourself, or both.

— Jealousy is not a single emotion, but usually a galaxy of feelings that ted to tug on one's own insecurities. For me, looking earnestly at my jealousy made me realize that I was deeply fearful of losing my partner, and insecure about our own sex. Confronting that actually improved my relationship with my partner. Also, jealousy is something to deal with, not necessarily conquer (though many people get over it and even develop compersion — happiness at their partners' happiness when with others).

— No matter what someone does or does to you, your feelings are yours to own and nobody else's responsibility to deal with. This sounds kind of harsh, but having this mindset is a healthy thing. For example, it is not your partner's responsibility to cheer you up if she is busy with someone on a night you happen to feel kind of sad. This is a way of saying that if you are deeply emotionally dependent on your partner, then non-monogamy might be a huge mistake. This is not to say you shouldn't be open about what you are feeling, but it is a distinction of saying the next day, "I missed you last night, I was feeling kind of down, I love you" vs sending them 20 texts during her date in a sad, drunken stupor.

Happy to answer questions based on my experience.

u/thistledown · 0 pointsr/sex

I've been happily married for to a wonderful woman for fourteen years, and we have never cheated on one another. We have, however been happily non-monogamous for the last six years or so. Not only has it allowed us to fulfill our desires for variety, experience and excitement, it has fueled our love (and lust!) for one another and brought us to a place of honesty, communication and understanding that I don't think most couples reach.

I'm am not suggesting that the various styles of non-monogamy are for everyone and I certainly don't thing would fix all of your problems, especially not at this point. I do wish though that different kinds of non-monogamous partnerships were options that most couples even knew were possible. I certainly think having that door open at least a crack, alleviates a lot of problems.

Plenty of resources on the web, but this isn't a bad place to start:

u/truthdemon · 2 pointsr/sex

Get him to read this: She Comes First by Ian Kerner. The scenario you described pretty much sums up what the whole book is about. The clitoris is best stimulated orally and the book goes into not just how best to do this, but the whole mentality and motivation behind it. It's written for the man to understand (but can equally apply to any gender wishing to give a woman an orgasm). As a man it has changed the way I view the female orgasm and the priority I need to give it to make sex fantastic for both of us.
Edit: You should read this too OP.

u/ruthless_moose · 33 pointsr/sex

I know what you should get her for Christmas.

And yes, if you are going to store it for more than a few hours, it should be kept cold, like any raw animal product.

On behalf of anyone who might possibly open your refrigerator, ever, please, after you contribute to the jar:

  1. Close it and clean the outside.
  2. Put the jar in a plastic bag, like a vegetable bag from the supermarket.
  3. Put that in a brown paper bag.
  4. Seal the bag with a sticker that says "medical sample" or "biohazard".

    And if you are using a jar that originally had food in, clean it thorough and remove the label.
u/snowonelikesme · 2 pointsr/sex

yeah its hard to do what works when they themselves don't know. I suggest she comes first in regards to just upping your knowledge of all the zones, as well trying yoni massages they are amazing fun.

but you can just search for that and find many sites explaining the process. this is not strictly oral but can lead to oral while they are also highly stimulated meaning they will in most cases really enjoy it.

u/yunbld · 3 pointsr/sex

This is one of the best books I've read in the last 5 years. There's not a party or bar conversation I don't leave without this book coming up. Incredibly thorough information, they take common knowledge, show you the evidence to refute it, and then present their theory, then back it up with plenty of more evidence. Well written, easy to read, pro healthy sex, I recommend this to everyone I know.

Buy it

u/Aegist · 4 pointsr/sex

I would still recommend getting the book "Opening Up". I know you said you aren't interested in an open relationship, but the thing is, you seem to be assuming that there are only two options: open or not-open, but the reality is that "anything you can think of" is a genuine relationship option.

Of Opening Up: "Drawing on in-depth interviews with over a hundred women and men, Opening Up explores the real-life benefits and challenges of all styles of open relationships"

This is very useful mostly because it helps you to break through the standard assumption that there is monogamy and open, and it is either all or nothing. This isn't true at all, and there are infinite ways to arrange your relationship.

u/suninabox · 5 pointsr/sex

>My fear is that honestly there are not many men out there like him PLUS amazing sex drive.

How many men have you dated? If you've dated dozens and he was the best of the bunch then you're probably right.

However if you've only had a small sample, say less than 5, you don't have much reason to think he's especially rare.

Here's a great Tim Minchin song about the mathematical unlikeliness of "the one".

>I know he is extremely loyal and will not chase other girls, and I know that I will chase and be chased HAVE been chased by plenty..jealousy could play a factor

The argument here is that if sex is very important to you, but not that important for your SO, then why would he be bothered if you're doing something unimportant with other people that makes you happy. Would he have a problem with you doing some other recreational activity that wasn't important to him (like tennis) with someone else? Of course the reality is a lot more complicated and messy than that but the principle is sound. You should check out The Ethical Slut

>Many good fucks end up being jerks or incompatible personality wise.

If you wouldn't settle for someone who was sexually compatible but had an incompatible personality, why settle for someone who was personally compatible but not sexually?

I'm not sure good fucks or good people are any rarer than the other.

u/epicmoe · 2 pointsr/sex

Check out Nina Hartley's tutorials on pussy eating (she has other good ones as well) It is available on pornhub but if this is blocked in your country, it is available many places on the internet.

I usually also recommend the book She Comes First , however as English is not your first language there may be a language barrier!

Other than that, practice, practice, practice! listen to her, be aware of her visual clues, and keep the lines of communication open.

Good luck!

u/admiral93 · 1 pointr/sex

"She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman"

Buy him this book! :) Not in an authoritative way, no man likes being told that he doesn't know how to pleasure his woman. Give it to him with a wink and a smile! ;)

u/AnonymousBraveGuy · 1 pointr/sex

Buy [this book] ( read it, internalize it so when the opportunity for sexy time arrives you'll have some big guns in your arsenal. You'll rock every cute little coeds world you cum across with the knowledge contained in this tome. Have fun!

Edit: the first time I ever went down on a woman she asked me "how did you get so good with your tongue?" the book I linked to is the reason.

u/feeboo · 6 pointsr/sex

For anyone interested in this topic I highly recommend reading the book The Ethical Slut. The title may scare you away but the content is necessary to be able to pull off such a lifestyle. Any sort of polyamorous life requires a high level of understanding and openness. This book helps one realize that wanting polyamory is far easier than living with polyamory.

u/existie · 2 pointsr/sex

Two thoughts: You're being honest, so keep on being honest; if they leave you over it, they leave you. You're not serious with them from what I read, so I wouldn't worry too much about losing one.

At the same time... I'd suggest looking into committing to a poly lifestyle if you're enjoying this. It is possible to have a primary partner and also be poly - or you could remain primary-free, too. Whatever suits you.

Check out these books: The Ethical Slut - Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships. Perhaps someone else can chime in with more.

u/shame_on_us · 3 pointsr/sex

You're welcome. This extends the reach by about 6ft. It also allows for more freedom in speed control. It's great for teasing my girlfriend...leave it slow let things build, and then turn it up and let things explode.

u/FuriousFalcon · 9 pointsr/sex

That's something that I've definitely struggled with on occasion (nearly 10 year relationship). I've found Esther Perel's comments on long term relationships super helpful, and I re-read her book every so often to remind myself. She also has a short TED talk which summarizes some of her thoughts.

Hope that helps?

u/SexEdSteve · 1 pointr/sex

If you're willing to play the long game, get a book like She Comes First to up your pleasing game. You could be great, but even an Olympic athlete gets advice and motivation from their coach. Then if she brings it up, say you heard about the book and wanted to check it out. That baits the hook for hearing about things and bringing them into the bedroom. Then you hear about prostate stimulation. Also need to be open and accepting of things that she might bring forth to try.

u/memtndude · 3 pointsr/sex

It doesn't really matter if he's keen on the idea. As long as he's willing. After reading them he will probably be much better at understanding when you communicate with him and realize how important that is.

Men have a problem with their ego. I was the same way when I was a bit younger. They feel they know how to have sex and by God, they're the best there ever was. Forgetting the fact that everyone is different and if you're going to be in a lengthy relationship you need to learn a lot about their individual needs.

Hope this helps.

u/tuirn · 1 pointr/sex

Take a look at the books Opening Up and The Ethical Slut. They are a fairly good starting point for learning about non-monogamy. You might also want to start looking at /r/polyamoury. Good luck.

u/extraperson1988 · 1 pointr/sex

i just bought their "sampler" yesterday! amazon prime shipping should be here today:

dunno how good they are yet but they look pretty fun.

u/Watcher13 · 3 pointsr/sex

For thoughts and scientific perspectives on this very issue, I really recommend the book "Sex at Dawn" by Jetha and Ryan. Great, great read.
Amazon link

u/whale_snail · 2 pointsr/sex

Ok, tricky one but I've been there... I'd suggest:

The psychological/build up part. Make sure you still flirt, tease and lead each other on in a fun way. Sex does not start in the bed room. Dirty calls to work, meeting up in the bathroom at a party etc...

Techincal stuff - I'd suggest doing some homework to broaden your horizons. If you're not meeting new sexual partners you're skills can get stale. Reading helps.

Oral skills always 'go down' well...

Relationship - The bad sex I have had in relationships almost always coincides with broader problems. Are other aspects of the relationship or your lives getting less exciting also? Need to talk about anything?

Hope some of those ideas help

u/SenorHugs · 6 pointsr/sex

These were the best purchases I ever made

Gillette Trimmer (AA battery, easy to travel with, perfect for balls)

Norelco Bodygroomer (perfect for everything else, use it while showering)

u/2mas2esiguala5 · 2 pointsr/sex

Read this book She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman (Kerner) try not to focus so much on your penis giving her an orgasm. Let her cum first. You orgasming quickly doesn’t have to ruin your sex life. Just get creative, maybe bring in some toys for her? As far as the bdsm goes, work your way up to it. Start with finding what works for you guys and then find a way to discuss how you could slowly incorporate other things that may make her submissive. This doesn’t have to include heavy sadism on your part. It could be something as simple as you trying her hands to the headboard and going down on her and using some vibes. Get creative and talk to her, it sounds like you two have a wonderful relationship aside from this easy fix.

u/itsypaws · 2 pointsr/sex

If what /u/Lynx_Rufus (top comment) said resonates with you, I HIGHLY recommend Emily Nagoski's "Come As You Are". She goes into great detail about the science behind sexuality and explains why what you are experiencing is completely normal! :)

u/cls1437 · 1 pointr/sex

It's not so much the penis you need to learn, it's your own sexuality. People are more drawn to sex (and hence, penises) when they're in a state of arousal. Your earlier description of the scenario with the hand job gives no indication of you being aroused at all. Without arousal as a motivator, of course you're not going to be sexually curious.

Emily Nagoski's book, "Come As You Are" is fantastic for learning and driving your own arousal and sexuality. She also addresses some stuff about the beliefs sort of inherited by you from culture and how to reckon with, change, or accept them. I cannot suggest another book more highly, plus it's just genuinely well written on the sentence level.

u/neverEjaculates · 3 pointsr/sex

I recently got this and I have found it insanely fun. I hadn't ever done much with bondage or anything like that and I find this thing to be great. It is well made you can pull and tug and it is going to hold you in place but if the person really wants out they can get to the latch and free themselves so it keeps things from getting too intense.

u/perplexion · 1 pointr/sex

The Philips Bodygroom 2040 is a purchase I definitely don't regret making. It seems to be one of the better tools out there for hair management and I've been quite happy with the job it does. My girlfriend agrees.

u/notoneofyourfans · 2 pointsr/sex

You kinda trained him to not worry about it and now that he doesn't worry about bothers you? Ok, so you made a mistake in not trying harder. But now that you have told him you want him to try harder, you need to lead him in these attempts or the job won't get done. These are your orgasms. His penis, mouth and fingers are not magical. "Harder, faster, slower, deeper, softer" all need to become a part of your sexual vocabulary. Buy him a good book, such as "She Comes First". You worked really hard to help break this, so just do a little work to help fix it. Unless he is super lazy, he's gonna do what you ask of him. Start asking again...but sweetly, not like a drill sergeant.

u/praxiis · 1 pointr/sex

Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski! She's a sex researcher (also has an amazing blog) and this book really helped me understand and accept all parts of my sexuality. It's awesome.

u/ostrichsg · 1 pointr/sex

Yes. Right now the best explanation of sexual arousal is Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski.


Review with pictures - Oh Joy Sex Toy

u/Bggnslngr · 1 pointr/sex

You can actually buy this thing for dimming lamps that turns it into a variable speed and works fricken awesome! It's a small box with a dial on it that you plug into the wall, and then plug the wand into the dimmer and away you go! You just turn the wand on high and leave it, and then the dimmer switch becomes the on/off/speed control. I got my wife one years ago, I think they're like $15 on Amazon.

Edit: 😁

u/Nightin9ale_Nadaku · 1 pointr/sex

Since you guys like to study. Both of you should read this. And practice, practice, practice! It will blow your mind. I wish I discovered it sooner. Good luck!

u/Colonel26 · 1 pointr/sex

The book you want to read is "The Multi-Orgasmic Man". this book is a short read, but it's absolutely explains the physiology of it step by step and tells you exactly how to do it. It helped me get there and after some practice I can pretty much do it at will, it's amazing:

u/Gotta_have_another · 8 pointsr/sex

She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman (Kerner)

Read that. It's very insightful, very well written. I'm not done with it yet and I'm learning from it. I haven't really had any trouble orally pleasing a woman but I saw this book recommended in a thread like this and I thought "why not read it, why not try to learn something and better my game?"

u/SapientSlut · 1 pointr/sex

first of all, your wife isn't a freak :)

secondly, I humbly request that you pick up a copy of "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton... it has some wonderful advice for people looking to possibly open up their relationship, and a WHOLE chapter on dealing with jealousy

she might have a fantasy about being with only another woman, but first times are (almost) always a bit awkward- when it comes down to it, chances are she'll at least want you touching her to help with nervousness, etc- if she won't budge, this might need to be an item you compromise on... you both have a say in what your partner does

in my experience, having sexual fantasies fulfilled only brings me closer to the person/people who helped me get there (in your wife's case, it would be you). people enter relationships to get needs met, and IMO you'll be better off after you meet these needs of hers

u/blessthrow · 1 pointr/sex

you could try an alternative toy like a tenga egg. my girlfriend got it for me a while back and i've enjoyed it. i think its a lot easier to clean than a fleshlight, because you can practically flip it inside out.

u/Rimbosity · 2 pointsr/sex

You know, I just started looking into a book called...

Mating in Captivity.

Ironically, learned about this book through this very sub-reddit, after someone else had recommended Married Man Sex Life.

This book talks exactly about the problem with committed relationships and sex drive, and is extremely highly rated. Author seems to know what she's talking about.

tl;dr version is that sex needs a kind of distance (and mystery) to remain "hot," and that this is often at tension with the intimacy people want from relationships.

You're not alone in what you're going through. This is an extremely common problem. But there are answers that don't involve the death of your relationship to him.

I wish you the best of luck.

u/M14535955 · 1 pointr/sex

[She Comes First] ( A coworker recommended it to me and every guy I've given it to since then has either thanked me (or wowed me with their improved understanding of foreplay).

Plus, learn a several different ways to play with her clit- some girls like different motions, some like more pressure or less. Then kind of experiment.

For me, it's also important that a guy pays attention to all my erogenous zones- nipples, neck, touching my inner thighs, creating build up. I want to feel like he's enjoying the moment as much as I am. Rather than feeling like he's doing it because he's supposed to but is actually impatient (ofc there's a time and place for that, too- where it's hot af if he can't hold back from teasing me anymore).

Edit. Fixed the link.

u/MiaAlgia · 2 pointsr/sex

How old is your wife? It could be a hormone issue. I think that's probably the biggest factor behind sex drive.

If you can talk her into getting her hormone levels tested, that would be good

Just kissing and snuggling is my favorite foreplay.

You might want to read a book that has some actual clinical research behind it

u/IPromoteRES · 12 pointsr/sex

Is something I bought recently for use with my girlfriend. It's trivially easy to escape from if someone really wants to(you just need to pull back on the length adjuster with a finger and then you and undo the velcro with teeth or the metal clasp with a finger), yet it is very good if she wants to be restrained.

You can pull her legs/arms to the sides or above/below her in any combination.

We have used it 2-3 times now. One of the best things is to just make her wear the wrist/ankle-cuffs the entire night. She says it makes her feel very submissive to have the cuff always there and the clasps dangling.

u/TinCupChallace · 13 pointsr/sex

i have this

SO and I arent really into BDSM or anything crazy, but its fun to tie up your partner. I wont go into too much detail... amazon has a lot of reviews on the product that all are more detailed then i have the time to write. well worth the $35.

u/omgthecube · 0 pointsr/sex

For those wanting more lady-pleasing tips, I found "She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman" by Ian Kerner to be just that.

It's the same sort of advice that dertah6 is offering, just a little more extensive and... entertaining?

Give it a shot, I found it helpful during my college years and beyond.

u/Kolbykilla · 2 pointsr/sex

This is a god send and one of the best bangs for my buck I have spent. Its extremely easy and it doesn't cut you, plus you can flip it around and it can trim your beard.

u/JustDiscoveredSex · 0 pointsr/sex

Hmmm. Liberator reviews say they just have a barrier, don't really absorb. Try these, I have two of them:

One gets soaked, you toss it on the floor and spread out another one. Leaves the bed nice...and I prefer warm and dry!!!

Our sex sessions last friggin forever. He's hard to get off and I'm multi-orgasmic, so we usually set aside 3, 4, 5 hours for a marathon once a week. There's usually a "half-time" break in there where I can dry off and cool down, it kind of restarts things.

That said, it's still not uncommon to have him finish by hand...first him (with plenty of oral help) and then since that's got me going again, he finishes me by hand. (He's the first one that every made this an attractive option at all. Yay for skills!)

u/nipoez · 3 pointsr/sex

It is totally a real thing, as described by a legit Human Behavior PhD specialized in human sexuality.

There are two comic summaries of Dr. Emily Nagoski's research that are fantastic.

The book is wonderful as well. I'm not surprised it's the #1 best seller in its category.

u/OmniEnby · 1 pointr/sex

Sure, here is The Ethical Slut - you can get the book digitally for not much.

More Than Two is a great website and also a book.

u/popeye44 · 5 pointsr/sex

Seconded, Probably the most famous and also one of the best quality vibrators made. Yep it's a neck-massager. :P Or an anyplace massager.. attachments are available for it. Generally speaking the large round head is enough. If it's too much you can get a dimmer switch attachment or make your own to give you more options.

Magic Wand

u/such_a_sin · 2 pointsr/sex

It's totally normal to not be able to orgasm from sex for quite a while, especially if you're not very experienced! The sensations are completely different from when you masturbate and it takes some learning and effort to get there. I would say, however, that being comfortable and relaxed is one of the biggest factors in achieving orgasm. If you don't feel 100% (which may be as a result of your history of abuse), it will affect you even if you're not really aware of it.

Is there a counsellor at school or anything who you could talk to? I think that some therapy is probably the right way to go, but it isn't a solution necessarily that will allow you to orgasm with your partner. With that said, it might allow you to explore your reasons for not enjoying masturbation and give you some space to think about what you want from a sexual relationship.

I wouldn't worry too much. No partner of mine gave me an orgasm through sex until I was a bit older and much more experienced. A lot of it is to do with learning the sensations and exploring other, non-penetrative methods of pleasing one another. If you're really at a loss, you could get him to grab a copy of She Comes First (link:, which a lot of people find really helps in this sort of situation.

Stop pressuring yourself to orgasm. So long as you're enjoying your sexual encounters, an orgasm isn't necessary and the more you or your partner pressure you to have one, the less likely it is to happen. First orgasms from sex tend to come when you least expect them because the female mind is a strange beast sometimes and a lot of things can put it off. The most important thing is to have fun.

u/StLRedditGirl · 14 pointsr/sex

I bought my ex-boyfriend of a couple of these Tenga Eggs. He loves them and clean up is extremely easy. I linked to the variety pack by you can buy them individually.

u/pearlhart · 3 pointsr/sex

Educate them! I didn't know about this until a partner told me. And I was able to adjust my expectations.

Then, do something else to fill the time before you can go again if she is ready to go. There are plenty of other sex related things that don't require your penis. Use your hands, use your mouth, use toys, and use all three together. Have her get herself off. Make out, dry hump. Whatever feels good.

You can try learning to delay orgasms so you can make the most of the time you do have. And you can also learn to orgasm without ejaculation, called injaculation, as well as the already-mentioned karezza and tantra.

I found the Multi Orgasmic Woman and Couple books incredibly useful. Perhaps it's worth a shot to look into the man's version?

u/Tzipity · 23 pointsr/sex

I loved Emily Nagoski's Come As You Are

Really, in depth and it's only been out about a year so very up to date (you'd be surprised how much still isn't known!) And just a lot of stuff you don't hear in sex ed or even in typical sex books. It covers just about everything you mentioned and a lot more. I even was able to rent the eBook from my library but I loved it so much I bought it.

u/monkeyfun14 · 10 pointsr/sex

Indeed the standard settings can be too powerful for some people.

You might consider a speed controller like this one:

I [M] have one for the wand I keep at home for worthy houseguests. :-)

u/public_soliloquy · 2 pointsr/sex

Buy her a [Hitachi Magic Wand Original] ( and allow her to get comfortable with herself first. It comes in a regular Amazon box with the Hitachi box inside. Shows up like any other credit card charge from Amazon. No one will know you bought it.

u/WhateverMan91 · 3 pointsr/sex

You know, with men sometimes age is just a number :)

He'll learn -- eventually. In one of two ways:

  1. The miracle one, in which he wakes up one morning and finally realizes what he'd been missing for years
  2. The reality-check one, in which YOU make him realize that ;)

    PS: In case he needs any help:
u/whatalamename · 1 pointr/sex

Lots of people have - and overcome - this type of dynamic. (I'm not sure it helps to think of it as a problem.) My advice:

(1) Read this book immediately.

(2) Tease her. Touch her sensually. Caress her body because you adore it. Make it clear that you have absolutely no expectation of sex when you do this. Do this a whole lot. And then some more.

(3) Compliment her persistently.

(4) Cook her dinner. Change the cat litter. Take out the trash. Do something nice for her family members.

u/ThisIsYourBrainOnFun · 1 pointr/sex
That is the best book I can recommend about female anatomy. I think women should read it, too. Ian Kerner also has one called Passionista about male anatomy which I recommend for everybody.

u/The-Jesus_Christ · 2 pointsr/sex

> had a sexual encounter with new partners. Yes, plural. A M/F couple.

Not sure why this was relevent. Could have just said "Had a sexual encounter" but I digress...

>Fellow redditors, what, if anything, do you do to groom your pubic hair? Because I love being dolphin smooth but honestly I am never going through this again.

Wife ended up getting lazer done as a birthday present for herself and I use a proper body groomer though I don't recommend that for you as you don't want a re-occurrence

You went through a hell of a battle. Glad you pulled through OK.

u/holdit287 · 2 pointsr/sex

Those people should be ashamed that they are trying to prop up their own egos by shaming you. There is nothing wrong with you, you are not broken, and you are not alone. I will always recommend a small pocket vibe for anyone with a clitoris who has never orgasmed, though I understand if that isn't going to be a path you're interested in.

Your mentions of shame, molestation, sinfulness, leads me to recommend an AMAZING book about cis-gendered female sexuality: "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski. She talks about the (researched based) driving forces behind female sexuality, and how to work through messages (shame, sinfulness, dirtiness) and experiences that have affected how we feel about our sexual well being. If I could give you my copy, I would- I think you'd really appreciate it.

u/mojoe2013 · 2 pointsr/sex

I highly recommend reading She Comes First. This book will answer all your questions and give you a solid guide on what to do. Amazon link: She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman (Kerner)

u/gentlec00k · 1 pointr/sex

I am in a similar boat... check this out for when you do have sex. I am a squirter and my man sweats like wild haha, this helps keep the bed completely dry. :)

u/Bowsandtricks · 5 pointsr/sex

Tenga easy beat egg seems like a fun variety, and is in your budget.

u/gollumullog · 1 pointr/sex

search for tantric yoga on google.

Not a ton of complete, or how to, information on the net, but there are plenty of books in book stores, most cities have tantric yoga groups. <-- good somewhat western view of this <-- out of print, but good if you can find it.