(Part 2) Top products from r/suicidewatch

Read like, the first page of each of these books.

http://www.amazon.com/Power-Elite-C-Wright-Mills/dp/0195133544/

http://www.amazon.com/Corporation-Pathological-Pursuit-Profit-Power/dp/0743247469/

http://www.amazon.com/Realm-Hungry-Ghosts-Encounters-Addiction/dp/155643880X/

http://www.amazon.com/Globalization-Addiction-Study-Poverty-Spirit/dp/0199588716/

Look at how many people voted in 2014.

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/11/12/opinion/the-worst-voter-turnout-in-72-years.html?_r=0

http://bipartisanpolicy.org/library/2012-voter-turnout/

"Some 93 million eligible citizens did not vote."

http://www.nonprofitvote.org/documents/2013/09/america-goes-to-the-polls-2012-voter-participation-gaps-in-the-2012-presidential-election.pdf

Look at dem numbers.

You are the next generation. Great tv series, btw. You are part of the hope that casts a light upon the world.


https://openlibrary.org/

Also, sorry, skimmed through your post history to perhaps glean what ails you, but perhaps your anxiety/stress stemming from these surrounding issues are increasing the occurrence of a lack of proper airflow/air intake during sleep, and disrupting the process of healing that's supposed to occur during the night, leading to long-term damage to your heart?

Your parents love you for a reason, and you shouldn't feel that resources or money are even a factor in their considerations. They love you, period, and you'll have plenty of time to repay your family/society/whoever you want just through the act of living well.\

Also, there's a lot of technology coming around the corner where organ fabrication/replacement/etc. is going to be a very common/real thing, but that's not to say that you can't still work with your doctor to mitigate symptoms/risks for now.

Take care, friend. Life is a strange journey indeed, but it can be rewarding if you let it be.

Edit: I would say that it's a nice poem, but I cannot agree that the best way to get back at those you feel have slighted you is to cease one's own existence. That would be tantamount to a full surrender. You still have some fight left in you, don't you? Fighting back is the best way to give the bird to all the turds.

I have a friend who was in your situation. He's not what one would consider classically attractive. He felt ugly and he carried himself in that manner. He dated only one girl in his 20s. One six month relationship and that's it. He attributed this to his looks.

On his 30th birthday he bought himself a book called The Game about the techniques of successful pick up artists. I know it sounds bad and you might not agree with everything they say, but I'll tell you this - within a year of reading this book, my friend was no longer the same person.
What the book taught him was the power of confidence and how confidence in the eyes of a woman will often supersede looks when it comes to attraction. With his added confidence he began to dress better and take care of himself.
Whereas before he was meek and invisible in social settings, today he stands out in a crowd and has absolutely no problem dating women.

I know I sound like I'm a book salesman but after seeing what happened to my friend who was in your situation, I just wanted to recommend it.

And even if you don't get the book, I hope you take away from this that confidence is everything.

Yeah, sorry, I got that; "instantly" was a bad word choice.

As for how to tell them, I think "lying" is describing how you've been coping (or trying to) rather harshly. It's the nature of trauma that we disconnect from ourselves, and you have been disconnected from yourself, so of course how could you be connected with them? There are always "layers" of truth and if you haven't been able to share all the truth about yourself with anyone, that's not your fault, it's a mark of how messed up you've been. So I wouldn't say "I've been lying to you all these years" because I don't think it's true!

With the family, I might start with something like "I haven't been able to talk about what's been happening inside me until now..."

With your counsellor, it's absolutely normal, especially in cases where there's trauma in the background, for the extent of self-revelation to increase gradually. A good counsellor wouldn't expect you to disclose the most sensitive things until you feel ready and able to trust them. So s/he should be expecting more and deeper "stuff" to come out over time.

As for what could help you, there are different things, but I might as well start with what helped me. Mostly it was finding the right therapist, someone who I really felt always truly had my interest at heart. Sometimes I violently disagreed with her suggestions, but she honoured and accepted my disagreement. Although I have to admit she always turned out to be at least mostly (and usually dead-on) right in the end. She was a Jungian analyst, but ymmv, there's lots of classic research to suggest that the individual is more important than the methodology. It took me a few years to realise that it was actually trauma that I was dealing with, and then (with my analyst's blessing) I also got some EMDR, which was a very helpful adjunct.

Some books that also helped me:

Invisible Heroes by Belleruth Naparstek

Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine

The Myth of Sanity by Martha Stout. She also wrote a book called The Paranoia Switch which is specifically about recovering from the collective/social trauma of 9/11 but as I am not American I have never got around to reading that one. But I very much admire her work in general. Her book "The Sociopath Next Door" led me to discover the truth that I had, in fact, been raised by a sociopath. And, btw, I can tell you with great confidence that you aren't one.

The Inner World of Trauma by Donald Kalsched. Kalsched is a Jungian analyst and he references some Jungian psychological concepts so if you're not familiar it might have a bit of a learning curve.

Nice! That's good too. Don't let anyone tell you any different. Get this book. I don't like to lift weight either, but this book makes it easy to just do some bodyweight exercises in the middle of a run.

Ok, so back to your problems. I wish someone had told me this when I was younger, but, what you need to do is go outside normal avenues to quickly accelerate. Here's another good book

I hope this will help you to accelerate your career. There's nothing like a successful career to jump start your self worth and esteem.

You keep bringing up work related stuff in your post, so I assume that's what's mostly bothering you. That's normal when you're in college. What you need to do is do things out of the ordinary, to get yourself separated from other people in your age/education group. Pm me for more details, good luck. Don't give up, cuz you're probably awesome . . .

> It's quite interesting how little we understand the human brain.

Neil Degrasse Tyson makes an interesting point that Astrophysics and nueroscience are similar fields - in both cases, the list of things we don't know is longer than the list of things we know.

There's a book I read last year by a neurosurgeon at U California called On Being Certain: Believing You Are Right Even When You're Not that covers the huge role the unconscious plays in decision making. It touches on both how little we know about the brain, and on how much more important external inputs are to the process of thinking than we normally account for. It's a good read.

> I felt that some of the descriptions of the mechanics between the emotional and rational mind were intuitively wrong, and my intuition is almost always right, but I couldn't figure out while I was there why and how it should be.

Now this is interesting. What sort of things felt 'off' to you? I'd love to figure out where the seeming disconnect was for you, I've felt the same way for a number of techniques which appear tangentially related to DBT.

>I found the experience of understanding alcoholism for the first time to be extremely enlightening.

How was it described in the class?

Thank you :] But I didn't mean to make that last reply about me... We're talking about you here, because you're important!

Maybe you should consider doing something for the sake of doing it-- for You. You're right, it is easier to keep "your mind stimulated" and having time alone may seem scary, but creating a space for yourself might ease the pressure of feeling like you're not doing anything.

My favorite books are these: http://completevca.com/ haha don't laugh! They provide an escape that my job/school doesn't allow for. Biographies are hard for me to get into! Have you tried mystery novels? I recently read this book: http://www.amazon.com/Snowman-Jo-Nesbo/dp/0307358658. It was so good! Rarely do I get so caught up in reading!!

How about music? Do you have the chance to listen to any on the way to and from work?

>Yet, the sheer inhumanity in the world causes me to occasionally entertain the thought of checking out from this world.

This by itself should encourage you to not check out but to go all out to make your community and environment a better place to live in. Read up on Lincoln. That is one life that encourages and inspires me all the time. The other is that of Henry David Thoreau who led a simple yet awe inspiring life. I would recommend that you read this book on Lincoln: Lincoln: The Biography of a Writer

It is terrifying to think you would have to do it again. Ergo, change it. Just a small step, bit by bit, towards more light versus darkness. That's it. Just a small step in a better direction, pit, pat, pit-pat, to step-step, step-skip (yeh, skip), skip-jog, run. Terrifying to have to do it again under worse circumstances, so take any variable, and improve upon it. A great book I've skimmed (the important bits) is 'Life after Life,' a case-analysis of near-death-experience. Lots of similarities cross-culture/gender/circumstances.

http://www.amazon.com/Life-After-Investigation-Phenomenon-Survival-Bodily/dp/0062517392

The main points, that you review you your life. "Have you done enough?" In a non-judgmental question. "What do you have to show me, are you finished?" In a non-judgmental question. Did you live?

Its rough when you think, "no," "worthless," and the like. But, the fact that you still live, gives you those little steps, bit by bit, to get just a little bit happier.

And a little bit happier.

And it becomes a cascade, until you forget how easy it is to slip into "just a blade across the arm," "bottle across the throat," where even memories of being terrified and alone in happiness, washes away.

What can be fixed is now, in a small simulacrum of steps, and its stupid fucking hard, but, it gets easier, and easier, even if its the most minutiae of accomplishments. Even just smiling is an accomplishment, if you are at that low of a low.

Nothing else, nothing more. Just move forward. And it is stupid-fucking-hard.

But, its living, and it gets better.

There's like 20 different antidepressants out there, and each affect you differently. I would try more than two before giving up.

Plus there's hypnotherapy, exercise theraphy, acupuncture, massage theraphy, and a ton of other things that are worth trying before you give up. Even changing your diet and/or sleep habits could help.

Make it through as long as you can. You might meet that one person or try that one medication that could change your life. I'd also recommend this book: http://www.amazon.com/Stayed-Alive-When-Brain-Trying/dp/0060936215/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1335492343&sr=8-1.

If all else fails, laugh. I've heard of laughing curing diseases before. If it can do that, maybe it can cure depression.

Hi guy here... hope you don't mind my feedback. One suggestion is to think of women like puppies. Completely responsive to the tone you set. If you set an insecure seeking approval tone then they'll shy away. If you set a comfortable and in charge of things tone then they'll usually respond differently. Here's a book that describes some differences between the way men think ad and women think. It's from a Christian author but I don't recall it being overly religious. I'd suggest a secular book on the same topic but I'm just not familiar with one. I recommend it, and filter the religious portions if that's not your bag.

Also, realize that you are by no means the only guy to have trouble with the opposite sex. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's challenging. Here's a much more lighthearted way someone describes how to get a girlfriend.

I haven't. But speaking of mind-fuck, have you read anything by Haruki Murakami? I have not read his stuff but there's a book that looks really intriguing, it's called 1Q84. Just thought I'd mention it on the off chance you've read his stuff because I'm curious as to how it is.

If you're interested in pursuing these ideas further, you might like the works of David Benatar and Arthur Schopenhauer.

think about this:
how one behaves in any situation is a function of what emotions they are in, what is happening, and how one explains these to oneself. then the person acts in a way consistent with their theories about what's true.
you may be at a disadvantage when you act on self-deprecating emotions and self judgement. you may very well be misinterpreting things, therefore, expressing yourself in words is not always be a good idea.
also about apologizing, there's a book called Get Anyone to Do Anything: Never Feel Powerless Again.
Corny title, does not do the book any justice. There is a chapter on apologies, maybe 5 pages long, puts things in perspective. There is a wrong way to apologize and be apologized to.

I saw free counselors through my University. I also saw a counselor at my high school.

Depression has a huge effect on anxiety and vice versa. Mental illnesses tend to be interconnected. At the very least, if you flat out refuse to get professional help, read a few books on GAD and CBT. This is the book I used during my treatment: http://www.amazon.com/Mastery-Your-Anxiety-Worry-Treatments/dp/0195300017

You can also try visiting /r/anxiety.

I didn't even know I had problems with anxiety until I spent 8 months physical ill with mysterious symptoms. After many hospital stays, countless tests and seeing several specialists, we finally found that the link to my physical illness was stress and anxiety. The mind has a weird way of trying to find outlets for anxiety.

Hi hollie,

If I may be brutally honest. I had never heard of you until I saw a post of yours in r/randomactsofblowjob and I looked at a bunch of your picture submission before I messaged you. Then I went back and read more of these posts.

If you can look past that sordid reason for me messaging you in the first place I'd like you to hear what I have to say.

I wanted to wait to see if you posted again and still felt the same before I commented. Some may say stalkery, I would say concerned for another.

I'm not just here to tell you "its going to get better" or things like that. I think your absolutely right. People are selfish and manipulative but not everyone is like that. The truth is some people are just dicks but you know the positive out of this? You seem to have a pretty good idea who the assholes are. Now the trick is just to avoid them.

I know you say that you're a horrible person but everyone does bad things. Sometimes on purpose, Sometimes just through lack of experience. Don't let it get to you, how you deal with the bad things after counts too. Giving up is just letting the bad things get the best of you and I don't care who you are or how fucked up you feel you can always beat the bad things.

A few thing's about me. I'm 30 now and in the past I was bullied at school, felt like an outsider, I've attempted suicide, cut, been in anger therapy... most things apart from had medication. I've spent a lot of my life feeling alone and "wrong in the head" contemplated suicide a lot, hated myself.

The thing is life isn't easy, relationships are hard but the pain is part of the experience. Accepting that is a big step. I still have a long way to go. I still stumble last year I lost my dad, it really wasn't easy but thankfully I didn't fall completely back into my old ways and then I found someone I thought I would never find, never be worthy of. Sure I still fuck up and I'm not perfect but tell me someone who is?

No one thing changed my mindset but I will say CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) was probably a big part of it but it's not the one answer. I'll link you to the book https://www.amazon.co.uk/Change-Your-Thinking-CBT-Overcome/dp/0091906954

I'm not an expert but I have gone through some of the experiences you have. You may ignore this. You might just think I'm another weirdo out for himself but if you take anything from this please give cbt a try.

Let me know if you would like to hear anymore advice, if I don't hear from you I'll take it you think I'm not helping. Just know there will be better days than today.

Dave