Reddit reviews A.D.D. & Romance: Finding Fulfillment in Love, Sex, & Relationships
We found 5 Reddit comments about A.D.D. & Romance: Finding Fulfillment in Love, Sex, & Relationships. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
I second this. Practicing Mindfulness is supposed to be good for us all around. There are also ADHD books specifically about ADHD in relationships and could be useful to both you and your girlfriend. When I remember one of the titles I'll try to come back and post it.
Edit: this is the one I was talking about. It's your typical self-help book but some interesting tidbits are in there nonetheless ADD & Romance: Finding Fulfillment in Love, Sex & Relationship
I recommend learning more of the facts of ADHD. It can give you a better place to make choices from.
There is an old book I read called ADD and Romance. It has been a lot time since I have read it (maybe 10 years), but I think it covers three cases:
The labels are probably not up to date (evidenced by the title being "A.D.D."). The book also addresses the difference between medicated and unmedicated people. The book also points out factors like how old a person was when diagnosed. The most important thing is that everyone self-medicates, often in multiple ways. Someone can take prescription medication, drink lots of coffee, and still engage in stimulant seeking behavior (such as bickering/arguing or constantly playing video games).
Don't be afraid to discuss things with him. ADHD people both like and dislike confrontation. We like it because it is stimulating, but we dislike it because we eventually realize that not everyone gets the same mental relief from arguing.
ADHD people are the figurative kings of "what-if" because we are constantly second guessing. This practice is both a stimulant seeking behavior (creating plots/plans then punching holes in them) and a coping strategy for impulsive behavior.
There's actually a chapter on that in this book, A.D.D. & Romance: Finding Fulfillment in Love, Sex, & Relationships. I picked it up last week, and I finally got some insight on how I can "jump" out of the mood so easily. A lot of times, I can be in the middle of fooling around physically, but then "mentally teleport" somewhere else. Anxiety builds, "WTF am I doing thinking about whatever RIGHT NOW??" it starts a feedback loop, and before I know it, I either have to "reboot" or I last FOREVER. ugh. Hopefully, things will get better with meds and therapy.
He needs to understand and love the person you are with out medication. You will not be on medication all the time.
My shrink recommended me this book, alas I haven't read it - I ended up breaking up instead.
http://www.amazon.com/A-D-D-Romance-Finding-Fulfillment-Relationships/dp/087833209X
I dated a guy for almost a year who had severe ADD. We were aged 21/22 and in college, going to schools about 30-45 minutes apart. So, we weren't living together, but we'd be with each other literally continuously from Thursday night to Sunday night every week. I know that's not at all living together, but it's enough for someone's quirks and most annoying habits to start getting to you. I can somewhat relate.
I don't know how open-minded your boyfriend is, but the guy I was with is a very introspective and philosophical person -- especially with respect to his ADD and how it affected him both positively and negatively. Before we started dating, he'd read A.D.D. & Romance. I read a chapter or so, and it seemed like a genuinely thought-provoking read. It points out the countless unexpected ways that having ADD affects your relationships, and how best to keep it from happening, or how best to handle things that are unavoidable. And it does so in a way that doesn't victimize or demonize the ADD side of things.
If you don't think it would offend him or anything, maybe pick up a copy for your bf and read it together. Based on y'all's moving in together, I imagine the relationship is pretty serious...this book could make a big long-term difference :).