Reddit reviews A Grief Observed

Studying my emotions through Buddhism, I've discovered something that may apply to you. I'll describe it and you tell me.

I've found that when I'm angry, sad, frustrated, whatever, that I cannot think myself better. I can't logic myself to any point beyond "I should feel better."

Only time and being calm, accepting how I feel and not being ruled by that feeling, only that causes it to abate.

People think that therapy is about logic and making yourself feel better by talking through the problem. It's not. Learning to recognize how you feel, learning to become calm, learning to not be ruled by that emotion - that's what it's about.

So no, talking won't bring her back. It will hurt. But allowing something to fester isn't the same thing as letting something heal. Which are you doing?

Many people go into therapy and are surprised when the psych (after the first couple of sessions to explore the problem) doesn't want to listen to them bawl - they want you to work on specific things, learn certain things. It's work, not talk.

Maybe you don't need it. There's plenty of other avenues. If you find yourself trapped at home and nothing's getting done; if you find yourself stuck in a rut; if you find that nothing's getting better. Well, then try something.

For myself, I still enjoy reading A Grief Observed, a brutally honest book by C. S. Lewis written when his wife died. My mother gave it to me before she died. She always loved C. S. Lewis, as do I.

A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis. Helped me view my feelings in a different way, but no less awful. This is the book that I give to people that are going through this particular nightmare.

Godspeed.

I am sorry that you lost your friend. Suicide is a devastating tragedy for everyone who is touched by it, and I hope you have support in trying to make sense of this.

I am a psychiatrist. I have treated a countless number of people who have had severe depression and/or attempted suicide.
Now obviously I don't know the specifics of your friend's case - what kind of treatment he had, what his life situation was, or what was going through his head when he acted on the suicidal thoughts - but based on what I have seen, I have a hard time believing that a compassionate God would allow someone to go to hell for dying of suicide, when I have seen for myself that in many cases suicide is not so much a willful rejection of life, but more like the choice of someone who has been trapped in a building that's on fire and chooses to jump out of a window to try to escape the flames.
In my opinion, this belief that people who die of suicide go to hell is from the stigma that our society has regarding mental illness, not truly something that comes from God.

Based on my experiences, I truly feel that most people who make an attempt to kill themselves are actually ambivalent to some degree. There is, at least in many cases, a part of them that truly doesn't want to die. The problem is that they are caught in a situation where their ability to cope is overwhelmed by the pain they feel, at least temporarily - and sadly sometimes circumstances lead people to act on these feelings before the situation can be resolved.
A pretty significant number of suicide attempts occur impulsively - in the setting of a sudden crisis or under the influence of alcohol or drugs (since drugs can take away the inhibitions and fear that might have otherwise stopped the person from acting on these thoughts).

I think the question of "Why does God allow suffering?" is one of the biggest questions for any religious person, and I don't think I can give you a satisfying answer. Personally, I do not see mental anguish as being all that different than physical agony - the mind and body are connected, and one can affect the other.
If you have never read it, I would strongly recommend taking a look at CS Lewis's book "A Grief Observed" (on Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Observed-C-S-Lewis/dp/0060652381/ ) . He is brutally honest about the pain and confusion he experienced after his wife died, and I think you might find some comfort in his reflections about suffering in spite of religious faith. Another book that I think is helpful in trying to make sense of great loss and suffering is Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning", a reflection on how he and other Holocaust survivors tried to find a sense of purpose in spite of such hopeless and senseless suffering : https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X/

I think it will ultimately be up to you to try to decide what meaning you will attach to your friend's death and how you make sense of it in the context of your beliefs.

Sorry about the loss.....

I recommend two books.

1. A Grief Observed by CS Lewis https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Observed-C-S-Lewis/dp/0060652381
   
   
2. The E-Myth Revisited https://www.amazon.com/Myth-Revisited-Small-Businesses-About/dp/0887307280/

CS Lewis' "A Grief Observed" helped me deal with grief tremendously. Short but powerful book.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060652381/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_hvTzDbSB8KB8H