Reddit reviews All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood

As a kid, I thought that kids had a lot of things geared toward them, but it was ultimately a grownup's world (mature TV shows, freedom of mobility, etc.). I wonder if times are changing. Like, we kids had our fun and our parents put us first, but we were given boundaries, rules, and taught lessons that come with parenting. We learned that kids don't have to be included in everything, and we could only attend certain events when we were older. And if we did go to an event for the parents (Idk, like if we were dragged to a Tupperware party), we would bring a book/video game and quietly entertain ourselves or play with the other kids without disturbing the adults. There was a book I've been wanting to read here that pertains to this issue.

Edited for grammar.

You must have missed this last year...

http://www.amazon.com/All-Joy-No-Fun-Parenthood/dp/0062072226

I was having similar thoughts and questions when my DD was around that age. Bought the e-book version of All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood by Jennifer Senior. It addresses this very topic with great real-life stories and insights. She also has a TED talk on the subject you can find on YouTube.

I highly recommend that you read the book "All joy and no fun: The paradox of modern parenting. " I think it does a good job of trying to puzzle out why the research seems to show that having children makes people unhappy, and yet people also say that having children is one of the best things that has happened to them. I found the book overall reassuring, but I do think it's good to go into having children with the understanding that the first few years are especially hard (including the pregnancy! Not to mention possible miscarriages and infertility) and will put stress on the relationship, especially if you can't afford to hire people to do a lot of the child care and house work.

There's all sorts of unpleasant things to talk through about having children. Would you ever terminate a pregnancy for medical reasons? What happens if one of your children dies, at any age? What if they're in critical condition with brain damage? Would you "pull the plug" or keep them on support and potentially have a changed child to take care of indefinitely? Does the answer change depending on how old the child is? You don't need to have answers, but it's good to touch base and have some idea of where each other is coming from.

http://www.amazon.com/All-Joy-No-Fun-Parenthood/dp/0062072226

There's an author, Jennifer Senior, who wrote All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood. She believes it was 'round about the time when child labor laws went in to effect where children really went from being something with specific, quantifiable economic value to the family, to being something which we vaguely describe as "invaluable" or "irreplaceable". But that change is a recent one and one she argues our society still hasn't completely adapted to, in large part because of all the other changes in society and family structure during that time.

The book focuses largely on US culture and society. I have to sheepishly admit I didn't finish it. But what I read was interesting (though somewhat female-centric), and I wish I had finished it before I returned it to the library.

My top parenting book, All Joy and No Fun ( https://www.amazon.com/All-Joy-No-Fun-Parenthood/dp/0062072226 ) doesnt give any actual advice, but shares anecdotes and research that give you a better understanding for what is "normal" among middle class American parents, comforts you that your experience is standard, and establishes a basis for making parenting decisions (what you actually want out of life, for you and your kid).

It doesn't give the answers directly to your question, but it lays a baseline for you to figure out where you want to end up at the end of having raised a kid so you can decide how to get there.

it is likely to have the added benefit of strengthening your understanding of your wife and what parenting is like for her.

>Thousands of books have examined the effects of parents on their children. In All Joy and No Fun, award-winning journalist Jennifer Senior now asks: what are the effects of children on their parents?

>In All Joy and No Fun, award-winning journalist Jennifer Senior tries to tackle this question, isolating and analyzing the many ways in which children reshape their parents' lives, whether it's their marriages, their jobs, their habits, their hobbies, their friendships, or their internal senses of self. She argues that changes in the last half century have radically altered the roles of today's mothers and fathers, making their mandates at once more complex and far less clear.

>Recruiting from a wide variety of sources—in history, sociology, economics, psychology, philosophy, and anthropology—she dissects both the timeless strains of parenting and the ones that are brand new, and then brings her research to life in the homes of ordinary parents around the country. The result is an unforgettable series of family portraits, starting with parents of young children and progressing to parents of teens. Through lively and accessible storytelling, Senior follows these mothers and fathers as they wrestle with some of parenthood's deepest vexations—and luxuriate in some of its finest rewards.

>Meticulously researched yet imbued with emotional intelligence, All Joy and No Fun makes us reconsider some of our culture's most basic beliefs about parenthood, all while illuminating the profound ways children deepen and add purpose to our lives. By focusing on parenthood, rather than parenting, the book is original and essential reading for mothers and fathers of today—and tomorrow.