Reddit reviews An Adult Child's Guide to What's 'Normal'

Find a good therapist man. A lot of those patterns of behavior have been ingrained since you were a child, just like they probably were for your parents. They are how you learned to cope with people and situations when you were very young, and you are unconsciously dealing with things in the same ways now, even though you are older. You need somebody to help you see what those patterns are, because no matter how hard you try, you are probably going to be looking at your own actions through your own filter, and will come up with answers that lead you in the wrong direction.

Some things may be genetic, but many things just have to be recognized and worked on. You need to talk to somebody who can help you find the right way to do that.

If you do find somebody and end up not liking them, then try another one. Therapists are people too, and some of them are better than others.

In the meantime, check out some books that talk about the issues faced by children of alcoholic/narcissistic/abusive parents. One example:
https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Childs-Guide-Whats-Normal/dp/1558740902

I'm quite late to this thread but I've gotten some value out of this book. The writing is a little stilted but the information is useful: http://www.amazon.com/Adult-Childs-Guide-Whats-Normal/dp/1558740902

I haven't read this but I have always wanted to:

"An Adult Child's Guide to What's 'Normal'"

https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Childs-Guide-Whats-Normal/dp/1558740902/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1505680294&sr=8-1&keywords=normal+for+adult+children

Well, if your lens is skewed, it might be hard to tell who's a good person. Or a "good" person does something dickish, and you let it slide because it's not as dickish as you're used to, and it gets worse from there, where someone else might have cut it off at dick move #1.

I needed therapy to learn what normal relationship behavior was supposed to be like. While I never dated anyone abusive, I wasted a lot of time in relationships with people who weren't right for me, but I rationalized it with "It could be worse" due to how craptastic my parents' relationship is. Maybe I had to go through it to figure out this was something I needed therapy about, but I cringe about this a lot in hindsight.

A book like this one may be useful.