Reddit reviews Breaking Free from OCD: A CBT Guide for Young People and Their Families

Hey there, don't feel like a failure. My mother's been supporting me through a very severe episode of OCD all summer, and she doesn't think she's 'failed' just because her (grown-up) kid got sick - if anything, I think in the end she's proud that we teamed up and beat OCD together :) OCD isn't caused by bad parenting; the scientific research shows it's probably caused by genetics, biological issues with brain inflammation, chemical imbalances and sometimes life stresses. It's not something children get because their parents necessarily did anything wrong.

Your son's issues do sound a lot like OCD. There seem to be two main ages that OCD symptoms start - a lot of us, either we've had obsession and anxiety problems since we were young children, or we get sudden OCD symptoms around 18 - 25. So it's not unusual that your son might have OCD difficulties at 10/11. The extreme perfectionism and worries over perceived moral or social mistakes are very typical of OCD.

It's good that you're seriously listening to him and addressing his talk around dying. Trying to get along in life with major untreated OCD is understandably a really, REALLY horrible way to spend your days, so it's pretty common for a lot of us with OCD to start thinking thoughts like these. Obsessions are so full-on, they're 24/7 and they're absolutely tormenting, so you never get a break unless you're asleep/unconscious! The idea of going to sleep, and not having to wake up and deal with yet another day of endless screaming obsessions, is an idea that can come to seem like a relief. I realize this is a really dark and disturbing thing to discuss, but I just want you to know that there's an explanation for the way your son's talking and it's got an understandable reasoning behind it when you look at the full picture. It does NOT mean everyone with OCD is constantly suicidal - OCD is very treatable and many of us make a great recovery! But it's good to be sympathetic and understand the intensity of full-blown OCD, and take the issue seriously. I'm glad you're not dismissing it as just daft things kids say.

You're doing the right thing looking for a child psychologist. Second choice would be any psychologist who specializes in treating anxiety and OCD. Whatever you do, please make sure that the psychologist you choose uses the RIGHT, scientifically-proven methods to help. If it OCD (and it does sound like it), it should be treated using a mix of cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) and exposure-and-response-prevention therapy (ERP) (write that down somewhere and make sure!), or some similar variant. The reason we warn each other about this is because using the wrong methods on OCD can actually make it worse. The techniques you want are ones that encourage your son to face his fears in a controlled way and learn to just let meaningless dark thoughts pass by. Any technique that encourages him to over-analyse or repeatedly talk about his fears without facing them, is a no-no. We know from psychological studies that obsessions just get worse the more you over-analyse them. Unfortunately there are still a lot of unlicensed or underqualified (and some qualified!) ones who use the wrong methods on OCD.

There are some excellent books aimed at children and families on how to recover from OCD. Your son might like this one, which focusses on 'standing up to' the scary thoughts as if they were a bully? : https://www.amazon.co.uk/Talking-Back-OCD-Program-Parents/dp/1593853556/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1487352207&sr=8-10&keywords=ocd+children

There's also 'Breaking Free from OCD: A CBT Guide for Young People and Their Families' ( https://www.amazon.co.uk/Breaking-Free-OCD-People-Families-ebook/dp/B00ENSRTWW/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1487354438&sr=8-4&keywords=ocd+children ) and What to Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck: A Kid's Guide for Overcoming OCD ( https://www.amazon.co.uk/What-When-Brain-Stuck-What/dp/1591478057/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1487354438&sr=8-1&keywords=ocd+children ).

One list of resources you might find really helpful for your son is actually at OCDkidsmovie (a charity project to help kids with OCD feel less alone, by seeing other children who've recovered). There's links to the main OCD charities you can contact if you're having trouble accessing paediatric therapy, OCD support groups for parents and some specially-written pieces for children with OCD, to help them understand their scary thoughts better: http://www.ocdkidsmovie.com/ocdresources

All the best to you in overcoming OCD - it's not easy and it's not quick, but it's totally do-able. Your son can learn to feel much, much better, with the right therapy :)