Reddit reviews Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships

It's $9.99 on the amazon kindle/cloud reader (read in your web browser, no kindle needed).

http://www.amazon.com/Cupids-Poisoned-Arrow-Relationships-ebook/dp/B003WUYP9M

I think it's worth it, because you'll get tons of little details that people probably wouldn't write in a short reddit comment.

Alternatively, you can also read the FAQ (http://www.reddit.com/help/faqs/karezza) and see if that helps you to get started.

And we're happy to help with specific issues once you get going or get stuck.

After years of struggle with this problem i kinda solved this problem with a good porn blocker (qustodio in my case but there are others too), but it wont be effective if he is not willing to stop porn, get educated together about harms of porn and what he will go through during abstaining whenever he was ready install porn blockers on all devices and set the email on your emails you can check his activity in your control panel it took me a decade to realize i need help, i also suggest to block torrent apps, tor, twitter, facebook and instagram. an addicted person may hate the substance for 23:30 every day but that 30 minutes keep him/her addicted

Also be prepared to hear harsh things during his reboot, he probably will go through some very dark stages.

Some valuable resources
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKRR1e67I1w
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003WUYP9M
https://sites.google.com/site/hackbookeasypeasy/home
After a while he may try ERP
http://www.feedtherightwolf.org/2010/05/how-to-stop-porn-addiction-stop-watching-porn/

and this tools for help section of ybop
https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/discussion-board

remember oxytocin and connectedness can do magic

A book that will allow to you to take a step back on what you always thought about sex and orgasm.

Link to Amazon

I see you are a part of Nofap, stay strong brother :)

Dude here who gave up pornography (for science reasons, not moral ones).

First of all, just wanted to say:

You are a great lady for even coming to other people to try to get help for this difficulty in your relationship (not to mention sticking it out for three years). You are not a bad person for wanting sex more than twice a week, you just have a healthy sexual appetite. Further, you should not feel responsibility for increasing his sex drive (beyond the normal efforts of just making sure you are healthy, happy and passionate). Maintaining ones sexual health is each individual's responsibility.

Honestly, the thing I would investigate is the following:

>He loves to look at naked pictures of me, but doesn't seem to care too much for porn

[emphasis mine]

There are two big possibilities here:

1. He has some kind of medical/mechanical issue which is preventing him from achieving/maintaining erections. This has in turn led to a cuckold fetish (he is eroticising the insecurity generated by his lack of ability to perform/'please you' with penetrative sex).
   
   
2. More likely, I think he has/still does consume a lot of pornography.
   
   The symptoms you are describing (lack of interest in sex, difficulty in getting/maintaining an erection, lack of chemistry in bed, intense cuckolding fetish) seem to match up quite well with a lot of the symptoms of overconsumption of pornography (check out the /pornfree subreddit and sidebar, also google 'your brain on porn'). The cuckolding fetish specifically seems indicative of porn consumption as this is a pretty specific genre of pornography and not something you are likely to encounter outside of a personal experience (getting cheated on and subsequently turned on by it) or seeking it out in some kind of sex club environment. There are some dudes in the /r/pornfree sub who develop really intense/uncharacteristic fetishes (straight dudes getting into gay porn, intense rapey porn, bestiality, etc.)
   
   The protocol I would suggest, regardless, would be to do the following:
   
   

• Have him see a GP and urologist if necessary and describe his erectile symptoms. As an aside, if he can masturbate to a full erection, he does not have a medical issue.
  
• Stop all porn use and intentionally avoid seeking out sexually arousing content immediately and indefinitely (30 days would be a minimum time frame)
  
• Engage in 20 minutes of non sexual bonding behavior every day for at LEAST two weeks (no sex allowed here, just slow kissing, caressing, hugging, cuddling, tickling, massaging, etc.)
  
• STOP all orgasm or masturbation (sexual stimulation) for two weeks. After this time you can re-introduce sex gradually (while continuing the bonding behaviors separately), but limit your and (especially) his orgasms. Emphasis here on the sex being incredibly slow, soothing and about connection. Even if he still has trouble maintaining an erection, try having him just be inside of you while you kiss deeply and caress one another.
  
  Note: the last two points are derived from a practice called 'Karezza'. Google that too.
  
  Finally, I would get and read (or at least google) the following books:
  
  Sex at Dawn
  
  
• Describes the sexual practices of traditional hunter-gatherer tribes. Suprise, they include pair bonding but sexual polyamory and partner sharing/orgies. Explains (or at least theorizes) the roots of the popularity of gang-bang porn and why many guys (often secretly) find stuff like cuckolding so arousing.
  
  Your Brain on Porn
  
  
• Describes (hypothesizes) the neuroscience behind pornography addiction, and why/how internet pornography can produce such potent changes in male physiology including a large number of cases of erectile dysfunction
  
  Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain
  
  
• More of the above
  
  Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships
  
  
• Describes the practice of karezza, slow sex and how to rescue relationships from the ''Coolidge Effect" (i.e. the 2-3 year mark where the natural 'chemistry' begins to wear off and partners start to lose sexual passion)
  
  Slow Sex: The Path to Fulfilling and Sustainable Sexuality
  
  
• More of the above.