Reddit reviews Essential Buddhism: A Complete Guide to Beliefs and Practices

>I've recently begun exploring secular buddhism and am very interested in it. It seems it can really help me to become a better, stronger, more enlightened person. I am very interested in learning more about it.

Cool! First I recommend reading about Buddhism in general rather than diving straight into secular Buddhism. Make an honest effort to first try to understand what the teachings are.

I started with http://www.amazon.com/Essential-Buddhism-Complete-Beliefs-Practices/dp/0671041886

That book provided a great overview on Buddhism as a whole.

Then, this free course helped me understand some fundamental concepts that relate to Buddhism in a secular, evidence-based context: https://www.coursera.org/learn/science-of-meditation

The course is great. An evolutionary psychologist evaluates the naturalistic claims in Buddhism without delving into the more supernatural claims.

It is a long course but worth it!

>Anyone want to explain to me the key points that you try to live by or guide your daily life?

I try to bring safety, kindness, peace and happiness to others (animals and humans) and to myself. I do this by practicing and being mindful.

Practicing mindfulness has given me a deep mental resilience that over the past three years has change my fundamental approach to just about everything. I was already a pretty decent guy, but now I've been told that I'm dramatically more patient, attentive and focused.

I went from thinking I probably needed to get on ADHD medicine again to being one of the most focused and driven people I know.

I really like the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh and also Stoic philosophers like Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus.

>I am also particularly interested in the Buddhist idea of "attachment" (or lack thereof) as it relates to love and relationships. How do you maintain any relationship without attachment?

Attachment (in the Buddhist sense) is unnecessary for love and relationships. This is where taking and step back and picking up a book or course on Buddhism will help out.

Please check this article out on the Buddhist idea of attachment:

http://buddhism.about.com/od/basicbuddhistteachings/a/attachment.htm

In my own words, dropping attachment is about changing your fundamental perception of an object.

In my own experience, practicing mindfulness as a way to reduce attachment I've found that being non-attached leads to a more intimate experience of emotion, thought and feeling, and of the object of my attention. Probably because I'm not so caught up in trying to define, label, judge, obtain, push, get, etc.

Since learning how to practice and exercise non-attachment with my wife I've been more attentive to her, more loving, more kind, more patient and more appreciative.

My idea of Non-attachment with a person could be expressed as allowing someone to be who they are without trying to force them into a mold. Trying hard to understand what they person wants, needs, etc. Not expecting a particular outcome with that person and not trying to own them or possess them in some way.

>How can I get to the level where I learn to not become reliant/dependant/"attached"?

You need to first understand what it means, then find ways to practice it (mindfulness meditation/vipassana is one). Then you simply practice it every day and you get better. Lots of patience!

I mentioned that I like Thich Nhat Hanh:

"Q: I have a lot of trouble letting go of things: relationships, jobs, feelings, and so on. How can I reduce these attachments?

A: To “let go” means to let go of something. That something may be an object of our mind, something we’ve created, like an idea, feeling, desire, or belief. Getting stuck on that idea could bring a lot of unhappiness and anxiety.

We’d like to let it go, but how? It’s not enough just to want to let it go, we have to recognize it first as being something real. We have to look deeply into its nature and where it has come from, because ideas are born from feelings, emotions, and past experiences, from things we’ve seen and heard. With the energy of mindfulness and concentration, we can look deeply and discover the roots of the idea, the feeling, the emotion, the desire. Mindfulness and concentration bring about insight, and insight can help us release the object in our mind.

Say you have a notion of happiness, an idea about what will make you happy. That idea has its roots in you and your environment. The idea tells you what conditions you need in order to be happy. You’ve entertained the idea for ten or twenty years, and now you realize that your idea of happiness is making you suffer. There may be an element of delusion, anger, or craving in it. On the other hand, you know that you have other kinds of experiences: moments of joy, release, or true love. You recognize these as moments of real happiness. When you have had a moment of real happiness, it becomes easier to release the objects of your craving, because you are developing the insight that these objects will not make you happy.

Many people have the desire to let go, but they’re not able to do so because they don’t yet have enough insight; they haven’t seen other alternatives, other doorways to peace and happiness. Fear is an element that prevents us from letting go. We’re fearful that if we let go we’ll have nothing else to cling to. Letting go is a practice; it’s an art. One day, when you’re strong enough and determined enough, you’ll let go of the afflictions that make you suffer.

From Answers from the Heart (2009) by Thich Nhat Hanh. "


For me - I found working through my fears immensely helpful. Fear of failure, fear of death, fear of skydiving, fear of whatever, all sorts of things. Being mindful of my body, thoughts, feelings while contemplating these topics for hundreds of hours has changed me in a positive way.

I hope you find some strength and peace! :)

If you just want to get a gist of the thoughts without a lot of back story, etc. What Would Buddha Do? is a good start. One thing that really stuck with me is to not be irritated with foolish people for being foolish - like fire that burns - they know no other way.

Another good one is Essential Buddhism: A Complete Guide to Beliefs and Practices. For when you're getting more serious about it.