We found 24 Reddit comments about Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
It's all the rage. Have you read, "As a Fortune 100 COO, Child of a Doctor and a PhD and Graduate of Harvard and Harvard Business School, Let Me Tell You Why You're Not Trying Hard Enough"
For a long time, I didn't think of myself as a feminist. I thought of myself as utilitarian. I wanted people to be equal in the realm of opportunities.
I did a lot of things that lead to me being a "feminist." Honestly, part of it was reddit. I was so tired of seeing people be sexist because it's the status quo.
But I did a lot of other things, too. I lived abroad. I read a lot of books. I took some sociology classes. I learned about implicit bias, institutional sexism, and gender norms.
It made me realize that a lot of the problems I've brushed off are real problems. Gender norms hurt both sides. Men being told to "man up" and not to "throw like a girl" as hurtful. Men being told they should enjoy it when coerced into sex is fucking stupid. To me, as long as we're defined by the gender roles we're "supposed" to play, we will never live up to the true strength of our community or economy. Like any team, we're only at our best when we work together.
Also, no matter the stance you decide on for feminist, I really suggest reading Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg, who talks about why "feminism" is the new "F-word." I think she lays out a very pragmatic view to both feminism and women in the workplace. The big section on Feminism starts on page 141. (Also, if you're thinking about going into a career, the book is probably my top recommendation to new college grads.)
I'm on the job hunt right now. Had an interview on Monday, another one scheduled for Thursday. Two different jobs, more excited about Thursday.
The Monday company offered me job that day, but with a vague position description and vague title, and at a low pay. I asked for more detailed information and for time to decide. The recuiter pushed me for a verbal acceptance. I felt really pushed when they don't even know what they want from me, other than for me to start, analyze their operations and tell them how to fix it. All for a new VP of Operations who doesn't seem to know what he's doing, but he's been with the company from the beginning and is friends with the owner. Yeah that sounds like a great time! (Actually a total recipe for disaster.)
Since then the recruiter has blown up my phone, even texted me, asking me to call back. Yet no email with position details nor formal offer. I really need a job but this?
Yet despite the wisdom in my folly, it's scares the heck out of me to "play hard ball" like this. I need a job, why not humble myself to do the VP's job for the pay of an administrative assistant? What they offered me is less than the pay for entry level service position, a detail the VP told me iny interview. I'd be insane to accept.
Not much advice here, sorry. Many commenters said research the comparables salaries in your area, and I'll add know what deliverables are asked of you. If it's a position you're already doing, know what you've done already.
And go for it, know the number that is more than fair for the job and start by asking for more than fair (start high) as this is a basic mechanic of negotiations.
Go get 'em!
(Also I was at a women's networking event last night and the book Lean In was recommended, I'm excited to read it!)
Yes, I can so relate to this. Good post. I was raised to be that way too-- speak only when spoken to, don't argue or talk back, be flexible and accommodating, keep private matters private. I would go so far as to say that my lack of assertiveness, guilt in wanting simple things (like respect) for myself, and questioning my instincts made my marriage/divorce drag on much longer than it should have; years beyond when I knew that it wasn't going to work out. Part of it was being very young but I would say I could have moved on and moved forward much faster if I had stood up for myself and had more confidence in my decisions (and if my family had supported me-- but that's another topic). Hopefully others won't have that extreme an experience.
In the workplace, practicing and faking it till you make it works for me, maybe it could work for you. You might feel like an impostor, but trust me, everyone feels like that to some extent. Try to figure out what it is that will make you more confident in those situations and work on that. For me, it's usually knowing about something inside and out so that I can speak confidently about it. True Desi nerd style! I still struggle with asking for things I want sometimes. It still feels really selfish, which I don't think will ever go away completely.
Some books that helped me: Quiet and of course Lean In. As others mentioned, therapy can work too in finding practical solutions to specific problems you might have. It's not just you :)
Like, what books I'd recommend, or just....stuff to do underway that would be in the self-improvement area? The big two that jump out as underway activities are always "save money, and work out."
What platform are you floating on?
So the first thing I do with all my proteges is I hand them the grading sheet for Sailor of the Year/Quarter and a blank evaluation, and I ask them to grade themselves. Not everyone wants to be, or needs to be, Sailor of the Year or a 5.0 sailor, but if that's the standard the Navy has set as "the best," then at least we have a guideline of what we should be working toward, right?
One thing that was pretty big at my last command was the Military Outstanding Volunteer Service Medal. Instruction here. One thing that is a really easy way to gain community service hours while underway is to make blankets for the Navy Marine Corps Relief Society's "Budgeting For Baby" class. You can crochet (that's incredibly easy, I promise) or you can google one of the thousand DIY no-sew blanket tutorials. If you belong to a Bluejacket Association or Enlisted Association or whatever, you may be able to get them to fund the cost of buying the material...or even ask the FCPOA if they'll give $50 to the cause. You can head over to Jo-Ann's or Fabric.com and check out their discount sections too. NMCRS offers 30 hours per blanket. Taking an hour out of your Holiday Routine for the entire float.....most of the DIY no-sew blankets only take an hour or two to make, sooooo. Collect those hours. Add in a COMREL or two, and there's no reason you can't end a float with over a hundred hours of community service. This is particularly great if you have a friend or two to make blankets with you....snag one of the TVs on the messdecks and watch a movie while you crochet. You can also contact a local homeless shelter and see if they need hats and crochet hats for them. Obviously not a good suggestion if you're stuck underway on a submarine with no space, but if you're surface side--good to go.
Books I'd suggest, well, hm, this could get out of control pretty fast, but off the top of my head:
Looks like you've already got lots of great advice to keep it private; I'll add my vote to that.
I'll also add that a female engineer friend of mine recommended this book: http://www.amazon.com/Lean-In-Women-Work-Will/dp/0385349947
I haven't read it yet (on my long list!), but apparently a major point is that women often withdraw from leadership/jobs/etc earlier than when they have to (i.e. volunteering that they are trying for kids, etc) and hence end up unintentionally sacrificing career advancement.
Anyways, good luck tomorrow!
I love it! The hamster is strong in this one.
>Often times you would hear men complain and vent that the women of today are too demanding and that everything revolves around them.
Wait...that's not true? Where are these unicorns you speak of?
>We don’t date certain guys because we’re afraid they aren’t our type, and their usual question following this statement is: but how do you know what your type is before you’ve even been on a real date?
Sure, decent premise. But, first, you can get a feel for types of people without dating them. Second, the author conflates 'dating' with 'fucking as many dudes as she wants without thinking about the consequences.'
>As a teenager I guess it was acceptable to make a list of the traits that your ideal guy should have, but now as an adult women, we must learn to be less judgmental and more objective...
Ah, Lean In.
>When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner.
Translation from PC to man: Get all the Chad cock you can when you're young and hot, then when you've lost your beauty, reign in a 32 year old virgin with a great career and retirement fund.
In 2013, Facebook Chief Operating Officer Sheryl Sandberg urged women to “lean in” to their power and break through that pesky glass ceiling. Predictably — and correctly — feminists argued that “leaning in” not only left male-dominated corporate culture intact but also depended on underpaid female domestic workers to clean and care for children. Both Sandberg’s book and the critiques of it left actual men out of the analysis, as if leaning in (and sorting out the limits of this proposed solution) was yet more women’s work.
I’m reminded of that omission as we head into the Democratic primary season. More women are seeking the party’s presidential nomination than ever before. And yet a few white men sit at the top of the polls and rake in big fundraising hauls. As candidates such as Sens. Kamala D. Harris, Elizabeth Warren, Kirsten Gillibrand and Amy Klobuchar lean in, maybe it’s time for some of their male competitors to find ways to lean out.
Early media coverage of the campaign demonstrates why merely leaning in can’t dismantle the double standards and deep structural misogyny women face. Studies by FiveThirtyEight and my colleagues at Northeastern University found both fewer “media mentions” of female candidates and also more negative coverage than of their male counterparts. Meanwhile, Beto O’Rourke apparently merits multiple profiles, an HBO documentary about his failed Senate run and an Annie Leibovitz photo shoot in Vanity Fair — while Pete Buttigieg got a literally glowing New York magazine cover profile.
The candidates themselves do not demonstrate much more awareness of these dynamics. O’Rourke acknowledged having “privileges that others could not depend on or take for granted,” and then, well, continued to make the case for his candidacy. I suppose he deserves a tip of the hat, if only by comparison to Bernie Sanders, who, when asked if Americans really need another white man as president, replied: “Well, I think you need this one.”
A real reckoning with privilege goes beyond acknowledgment and into action. Given the unbroken record of male presidents and what we know about the double standards under which female candidates run — including obsessive attention to their voices, their bodies, their clothes — it is worth asking what steps male candidates of good faith can take to even the playing field.
First, they could do more than give the notion of privilege a cursory nod.
They could refuse to give interviews to news organizations that have practiced gender discrimination in their coverage of the campaigns and say “no thanks” to the magazine covers that curiously feature only them. They could call out the disproportionate attention they receive, as well as the presumption that they are more electable by virtue of their gender, and instead point out the fact that the women running have already won multiple races, written many books, and have deep executive and policy experience — claims that could not be universally made of their male counterparts.
Male candidates should definitely stop offering a patronizing nod to women through the “offer” of a vice presidential spot on the ticket just so they keep on benefiting from the massive affirmative action plan that is male privilege. Naming Stacey Abrams his running mate wouldn’t actually fix Joe Biden’s problems with women — especially if, as Abrams said, that’s not actually a role she wants. Telling women we can play second fiddle is not proof of a commitment to equality.
Of course, some candidates don’t even offer women that much power. Rep. Seth Moulton of Massachusetts has as his main credential an unsuccessful effort to topple Nancy Pelosi as speaker of the House.
The really radical thing for a male candidate to do in 2020 would be to step down and step away, realizing that real gender equity is achieved only when men actively refuse the benefits they receive simply for being born male.
Gender and racial equity are not zero-sum games: Everyone is a winner when we have a more diverse and representative government. But we can’t achieve that vision without men taking responsibility for the inordinate space they take up in the media and the candidate field.
There’s only one president and only so many seats in Congress or on corporate boards or as chief executives or union bosses. If we want to get even a rough version of parity, men will need to take less, have less, make less and, in so doing, recognize that the more they always got was at the expense of those who got less, courtesy of sexism.
Women are leaning in like mad, leading the resistance, voting in higher numbers and signing up to be candidates for office. But men have a responsibility — if they really do want a more gender-equitable world — to lean out, work actively to disavow their privilege and pitch in to get a woman elected president.
There are several highly qualified female candidates running for president. Every single man currently running or thinking of running should drop out and support one of these women. Now that would be real leadership.
I highly recommend reading this book as it talks extensively about this very question thoroughly in a way I cannot
I listened to the audiobook since I'm such a multitasker these days but however you can ingest it, I think it may help to get advise from someone who did the work/raising kids balance (very) successfully. IMO, don't put your career on the backburner since research shows this will help with long term happiness and even marriage success. This goes without saying, but your career is just as important as his
By the way, employers are not allowed to hold it against you for being a mother, this is a form of discrimination you are (legally) protected from (but may still encounter). Look up Family Responsibilities Descrimination
I'm not sure I can answer your question, but I feel like reading Lean In is a good start to figuring out what approach works for you.
A Goodreads search for books similar to Lean In led to this list, which may also be helpful.
The Imposter Syndrome is real, and has damaging consequences...boosting confidence is one way to move past it, and one thing you can do right now is watch Amy Cuddy's TED talk. It's powerful (and based on a lot of research).
I have an undergraduate degree in Economics and plan to pursue a PhD in it. Economics has the worst gender disparity. It even surpasses the STEM fields. it has a huge sexism problem that the discipline is grappling with. I remember reading an article by a female economist who talked about a professor at UChicago being quoted as saying to his male economics students that “The day they admit a woman into the economics program at UChicago is the day that I will put in my resignation.” Granted that was the 70s/80s and things have come a long way but there is covert and overt sexism that still lingers. I think it’s helpful to find a female mentor in your field who you can talk to and work with. It can feel increasingly lonely without one because you’re surrounded by males and many of them still express traditional subconscious ideas that women are inferior in STEM. My female professors in my Econ program expressed their experiences as women in quantificar fields. They’ve given lectures and had adult men without PhDs try to mansplain them about their own research. One professor said in grad school her and a male student had the same female advisor. The advisor told the male student that regardless of whether he was married or not he should always wear a ring on his marriage finger into job interviews. She told my professor that regardless of whether she was married or not she should always remove hers for job interviews. The reason is because a married man is seen as stable with a family. He isn’t going to job hop as easily. A married woman on the other hand is seen as a flight risk. She may decide to have children and leave the workforce or not put in as many hours as a man would due to family obligations. Employers don’t consciously decide to discriminate against women. These are biases that happen without us realizing it. But we have to acknowledge that they happen and try to work against them.
I haven’t read this book yet but have had it recommended to me and it’s on my list. I will recommend it to you as well:
Here is the authors ted talk on the subject:
Everyone else here has mentioned great things to talk about body image issues.
I would also add that talking about women who are successful without judging them for their bodies is a huge thing. I'm in the middle of Lean In, and as woman about to complete her masters, I realized that there was so much information about why I felt crappy growing up put into words there. So, talk about women in politics. The four women astronauts in space. Talk about women who are changing the world because she isn't just a pretty face.
Also, studies have shown that just seeing pictures of people of all different types of bodies creates better body image.
Way to keep it simple. :-) Thanks so much for sponsoring a contest!
This would be absolutely awesome, and something I've been wanting to read since it came out...
Thanks again for doing the contest!
The book is actually by Sheryl Sandberg and I got a lot from it as well!
As you read this book, keep in mind the perspective of who is writing it. Sheryl is the COO of Facebook, a billionaire, Ivy educated for both undergrad and MBA, etc etc etc.
I really enjoyed the book and it was truly inspiring--but it is from a pretty skewed perspective.
My personal view is this....
Nobody on Reddit knows you better than you do. There are a lot of questions you should be asking yourself and discussing with your husband to get his view. Here is what comes to mind for me:
Here are some biographies that have just what you're looking for! Biographies sound boring, but you won't be able to put these ones down I promise!:
I used to feel the same way about things before meeting my girlfriend. We have been together 5.5 years and live together, and in that time, she has convinced me to really take a hard look at things (including reading a book on feminism, of which I would recommend at least the first couple chapters to everyone). Yes, some people are hypersensitive, but they are generally outnumbered by people who are offended and say nothing.
This is the book, for anyone curious.
If you haven't already, you might be interested in Lean In, which touches on several of the issues you've mentioned (including crying at work) and is just a great book in general.
It's a stuff
The only way to safely have lorises as a pet is to remove its poisonous teeth which may or may not cause a slow, painful death :C
Thanks for the contest!
You should read "Lean In" by Sheryl Sandberg.
I don't want to be a parent, but I've found lots of professional inspiration from that book, and as she is an extremely successful working mom, she writes from that perspective, and about her having children while being professionally ambitious.
If your career is the only reason you don't want to have children, it's worth checking that book out. It's hard for me to tell if all your fears stem from being an "absent working mom" stereotype, or you truly don't want children.
I'm similar to you in some ways, however. Six or seven years ago I knew I wanted children, and now the older I get, the more I enjoy my life as it is and don't want to introduce an unknown variable. My now-husband was always "meh" about the idea, so for him it was more of a relief when I decided I definitively do not want children. I'm only a year older than you, but that feeling hasn't passed. I really like my life how it is right now! And deciding to not procreate isn't selfish at all, and don't let people tell you otherwise. Selfish is creating another human being just for your own vanity.
But you're also right in that if he really wants children, he will resent you if you do not want them and never change your mind. For both of your happiness, it may come down to you having to cut him loose for both of yours happiness. You both deserve partners who are on the same page. Sorry I don't have any definitive advice.
u/Timsheljane - Thanks for this question and for opening up about a challenging situation to the r/entrepreneur group.
I am a man and have not personally dealt with this situation. I wish I had some personal experience or perspective from my female friends to share.
Have you read Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg? Her book doesn't address this topic explicitly but she does talk about themes that are similar to this situation.
Even if that particular woman wrote a book about the struggle women face in corporations?
> She provides practical advice on negotiation techniques, mentorship, and building a satisfying career, urging women to set boundaries and to abandon the myth of “having it all.” She describes specific steps women can take to combine professional achievement with personal fulfillment and demonstrates how men can benefit by supporting women in the workplace and at home.
Sandberg, to me, is the a rare voice for feminism in a male-dominated field. Which leaves me perplexed as to why you would distrust her. Distrusting facebook is not the same as distrusting her.