Reddit reviews Love Is Letting Go of Fear

>it just means that I keep doing what I do not want to do

Do you understand the concept of "attachment" as it relates to spirituality?

>How can I be myself

Easy, you be yourself.

>I have been fighting this all my life

The struggle for or against anything is an illusion. Struggle implies that you cannot do something. You do, or you do not (as Yoda would say). In this case, your "struggle" implies an emotional contradiction between what you want and what you feel you must do. In either case, it's still an emotional state and your stress is caused by an attachment (or expectation) of what you want or envisioned for yourself. If there were no other things to do or see on the planet, it likely would not matter to you. Hence, this is an emotional issue which you should address. That is not to say that maybe you need another job. But attaching an emotional contradiction to this is an excuse. How do I know this? Simple: What is your long term idea for yourself in career, spirituality, self, family? I'll wager that your job does not line up with what you have planned for yourself. Since it does not, you are stressed. Nothing more.

>I do not want to pretend anymore.

Life is a game of pretend! You are not a human having a spiritual experience, are you? No, you're a spirit having a human experience. So, yeah, life is a game, emotions are how you engage with your environment, and the rules of the game are nothing but pretend. :) Once you understand that, there is nothing but joy.

>I need this so I can get to know myself better

Sounds like you could benefit from a lot of time meditating, turning down those voices in your head.

> I need this to get the needed confidence

Self-confidence comes from within so what external thing keeps your internal thing away?

>Why, why is life meant to be harsh?

I believe you misread what I stated. My advice was meant to be harsh. Why was it meant to be harsh? It got your attention. Why did I feel I needed to do that? Again, harsh: You are only complaining. The difference between action and speaking is admiration/complaining. When you act, there is little to no room for emotions like fear, discontent, etc. I would imagine you might benefit from reading "Love is Letting Go of Fear." You can get it on amazon for a quarter: https://www.amazon.com/Love-Letting-Fear-Gerald-Jampolsky/dp/0890872465

Someone once recommended to me the book Love is Letting Go of Fear. To sum up the relevant part here: There are only two emotions: love and fear. Fear is a request for love."

Try taking a look at it from that vantage point. (Here's a link in case you're interested: http://www.amazon.com/Love-Is-Letting-Go-Fear/dp/0890872465)