Reddit reviews Master Dealing with Psychopaths, Sociopaths and Narcissists - The Ultimate Handbook for the Empath
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I read an interesting book
There's a 2x2 grid of win/lose for each of you.
He'll only tolerate win/win and win/you lose.
As soon as he can perceive you're slipping he'll head back for win/you lose.
He doesn't actually give a shit about what minor changes you want him to make (he doesn't want to make them for himself, he doesn't want to make them because you've asked and it will make you happy, like a normal person).
"Putting in effort" and fulfilling any of your wants/needs sounds awful to narcs, that's a Lose/Win for you!
But he wants to win (control of you) and it just looks like you're winning. His natural state is Do Nothing, and that Makes You Lose.
Good luck trying to manipulate a narc though! Being awful is as easy as breathing for them. All you'll get from 'playing' is mind-fucked.