Reddit reviews Mothers Who Can't Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters

I don't know if this will ring true with you at all, but if it does it might help a bit:

N mothers see their daughters as extensions of themselves, as other people have said; but what makes them suddenly distance themselves is sometimes not a reduced ability to control you (some kids don't grow out of that control at all), but the sudden realisation that you are growing up. If you are growing up, that means you'll become a woman - a younger, prettier, "threatening" woman. It commonly seems to happen around the puberty mark, when they have to start thinking of you as having the potential to be sexually active and menstrual. Then you're no longer an accessory but another rival. If your N made a lot of criticisms about your physical appearance or how you relate to boys (I'd say "or girls", but let's be honest, how many Ns believe in gay), that could be a factor.

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Source, cos I can't pretend I made this connection myself: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mothers-Who-Cant-Love-Daughters/dp/0062204343

Hey there OP. I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself and being NC. It sounds like it is the right thing for you to do.

I'm curious if you have worked with a therapist at all? I know that for me, a therapist who understood Ns/child abuse has been a godsend for helping me work through the feelings that you are talking about. Otherwise, there are some good books out there that can help you work through things (slowly, and at your own pace, of course). This book is a good place to start.

Be patient with yourself. Healing from abuse is hard work. <3

I found this book helpful.

Also, look up "grey rock" and "structured contact", in case you are not ready to go full no contact (NC).