Reddit reviews Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy

Thank you for sharing your story. In many ways, Chester held a lot of us together when we were growing up, his music kept us from falling apart and giving up. They got me through everything, every hard time in my life since I found them, it seemed like they had a perfect song for every pain or struggle.

Even the day that Heavy came out, I had just had a huge fight with my friend over something incredibly insignificant, and it made me realize how stupid we were being and creating problems where there were none. This fight nearly broke up our friendship and it just wasn't worth it.
It was again, the perfect song for that exact situation.

I never thought losing a celebrity could feel like this. I didn't even consider that this would ever happen to one of "my" idols, and not this year especially. Normally when somebody I admire passes away (and there were several people in the last few years who have died that I looked up to), I'll definitely feel sad, but there's a conscious disconnect, I'm aware that I didn't know them. It generally doesn't change my day to day life, or who I am, because they weren't really a big part of my life or identity.

Something about losing Chester just felt so personal, like losing a close family member. I didn't even realize just how deeply I cared for him, and the band, until he passed away. I always was a huge fan, they've been my favorite band for over a decade, but I still thought there was that same separation I feel with most celebrities. They're in their world and I'm in mine and I don't know who they are as people, I just see their public persona.

I feel like LP didn't really keep us at a distance though, while they kept private about a lot of elements in their lives like their families, they really showed us their personalities and let us get to know them as human beings. And getting to meet them changes things as well, when they're in the flesh no more than a foot away from you, and incredibly kind, and having real conversations, treating you as an equal, it just feels different.

I haven't necessarily felt too embarrassed about how affected I am by this, but I have received criticism for my reaction and it definitely surprised me how deep the well of feeling for Chester is. It caught me off guard, and I'm still hurting every single day. You wouldn't think you could feel such intense grief over someone you didn't get to know in person, but it's there and it's real.
And I know others are feeling it too, because I haven't seen such a reaction from the music industry and a fanbase since Michael Jackson died.. Chris Cornell shocked everybody too, but I think the LP fanbase may have spanned a little wider.
Bowie had a lot of devastated fans as well, although I feel like the circumstances of his passing were in a way more peaceful, less unexpected even though most people hadn't really been aware of his deteriorating health. His was also not preventable the way Chester's was.

It just hits hard when it's a suicide, it feels that much worse than losing them to begin with. I believe even a drug overdose would have hurt (me personally) a little less. This is just the deepest, most painful thing I could have imagined for Chester. He was really suffering, enough to take his own life. It's dark, and I can't express how sorry I am that he ever felt that way.

Anyway, it's nice to hear that you're considering professional help. That's something you can do to make Chester proud, and to help yourself. It's intimidating, and I was a little embarrassed to seek therapy over a celebrity death, but there's always more under the surface, we've all got more going on than meets the eye and I think any professional who's worth their while will understand that, and also how much it can hurt to lose somebody who was your rock for so long.

I feel like I've been slowly improving and working through my grief, but today has just been really, really shitty. I'm trying to take it to be a good thing because I haven't had a day this bad in a few weeks, and for that whole first month every single day felt like this.
But I think it's always going to hurt, we're probably going to still have grieving days ten years in the future, still missing him.
In some ways it's almost worse the longer you go, you get tired of carrying this around everywhere, you're drained by it and the reminders that keep sneaking up on you and hitting you like day one all over again. The pain has gotten easier to push aside and go about your day with, but it's always there and sometimes it comes out and overwhelms you again.
I can't believe we've been here two months without Chester already, it's crazy. It feels like life shouldn't be moving forward, time shouldn't be passing, but it still is.

One last thing, if you haven't checked out the book Option B that Mike recommended, it might be worth trying as well. I'm only a few chapters in but liking it so far. I'm taking comfort in knowing that Mike has read those same words and that it's helped him out a little :)

We had no kids, so I have no advice, sorry. But I did read a book and there seemed to be a fair amount geared at dealing with kids: https://www.amazon.com/Option-Adversity-Building-Resilience-Finding/dp/1524732680