Reddit reviews Rhetorical Grammar: Grammatical Choices, Rhetorical Effects (7th Edition)

A word of caution: while /u/ProbableWalrus has succeeded in making your first few paragraphs more interesting, his version is still error-ridden. You'll need a solid understanding of grammar and punctuation if you want to get published.

I think Martha Kolln's Rhetorical Grammar would help you tremendously. It provides a thorough-but-accessible overview of modern phrase-structure grammar, favoring critical, rhetorical decision-making over rote memorization. If you're interested in something more advanced, Steven Pinker's The Sense of Style is also wonderful. Pinker is on the cutting edge of modern linguistics.

Well, are you a good writer? I recommend this book quite often, but look up Rhetorical Grammar by Kolln and Gray. If you're not very good at grammar or writing in general, you're going to need a lot of practice before that book becomes useful. But what that book will teach you is how to use sentence patterns and grammar to impart extra meaning and emphasize certain features. So basically, delivery.

Any comedian can tell you that the power of a joke is all in its delivery. In writing, your delivery is how you construct the prose. Terry Pratchett is really a master of this. The greatest pun I've ever read was from him, and there was like 5 pages of setup in which I never expected the pun, but then suddenly, there it was and it was perfect.

Also, unless you're Terry Pratchett, avoid puns.