Reddit reviews Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After

45M here, in the UK. Also live with depression too.

I found the biggest hurdle to be lack of energy and motivation to go out and date. Also, another thing that got me was due to depression, everyday tasks like housework become very difficult, so my house was a bit of a pigsty.

Additionally sometimes you simply won't have the energy to actually go out!

I found the following helpful, not just for meeting new people, making friends and the odd date, but also for my general wellbeing. I have been doing them both for a couple of years now.

Yoga classes

Absolutely brilliant for flexibility, core strength and getting energy back.

Meditation classes

Not only does this practice help my maintain a quiet control of where my mind goes, I now find it easier to let go and not get too hung up on things, including whether or not someone's going to message me, or if I'm going to get stood up or not. by being more relaxed, I also come across more quietly confident (I think).

Karate/aikido

I've been doing these on and off for a while (on hiatus due to injured shoulder, really missing them). Occasionally depression makes it difficult for me to attend a lesson, but the exercise is great when I do go. If these don't appeal, try Tai Chi :)

The above were useful for me, YMMV!

Online dating

Hate it. I found it ruinous to my mental health and self esteem due to being ghosted/breadcrumbed etc. and gave up on it to focus on the above. Much happier now :)

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The one piece of advice I suppose I would give is to put your mental health and wellbeing first. Don't do anything that would compromise that. Dating as you know can be emotionally demanding at the best of times, so I'd treat iot like any other 'optional extra' in your life.

Actually, one advantage of depression I found was that some SSRIs killed off my sex drive for a time, so I found myself relating to women diffferently. My Libido is back now, but I've managed to keep that perspective.

In general though, you, I and every other guy will be fine without a partner. None of us needs a woman to make us complete or justify our existence, but that said the emotional pain of solitude can take its toll. Not having a hug, or someone to ask us about our day, or generally living alone, can be very difficult especially when you have depression layered over the top. I've just read a book called "Singled Out" by Bella d'Paulo about how difficult things can be when your single. I found it useful and very affirming.

Do be honest with your platonic friends and family about this aspect of things if you can. Often you'll get the "your time will come", or "you never know what's round the corner!", but persevere and get past that with them. When you get those pat responses it's just them trying to assuage their own feelings of discomfort because deep down you're living what they're afraid of. Make it clear to your friends and family that you need your situation to be seen and recognised, and tell them how they can help.

I found this to be possibly the most useful thing :) Since I had some serious, honest frank and open discussions with friends and family about what it's like being single, they've been great. :)