Reddit reviews The Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage
We found 6 Reddit comments about The Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
Simon Schuster
If it's any help, right now I'm going through some marriage counseling. I had my first session this past week, and he recommended a book for me that I have found extremely helpful so far (and I'm only like two chapters in). Granted, you're already divorced, but I think there's still a lot to learn about being in relationships in general.
It's called The Divorce Remedy by Michele Weiner Davis. One thing she mentions in there is that when you have kids, you're never truly divorced; you're always impacted by your former spouse.
Also, You'll Get Through This by Max Lucado is a book my mom bought me last week. I will give you a heads up that it is Christianity based (uses a lot of Biblical passages; writer is a former pastor I believe), and I never want to impose religion on anyone, but I loved the overall positivity and message in this book. It's really helped keep me above the line over the last two weeks.
This.
It doesn't have to take years. And you should probably talk to another therapist with a more positive outlook if you want to rescue your marriage.
Read this book: The Divorce Remedy
And try to get your wife to read it, too.
Joint counseling isn't for everyone. And it can be really uncomfortable, depending upon the couple. Just having ONE of you going to a therapist is going to help. Maybe your wife will decide to go for individual counseling herself at some point.
In reading your description, I get the feeling that your marriage is more than just "for security" as the therapist has described it. You two are comfortable with each other, see eye-to-eye on a lot of things, and you say that you love each other. It sounds to me like there's something worth saving. You have spent half your life with your wife. Is there anyone who know you any better than her?
Anyway, my advice is to work on the relationship. Start by reading the book I listed above. It explains how a marriage unravels like yours has, and how to fix it. It has sections on specific issues, like the "dead bedroom" situation you have described. Good luck, and remember that the grass is always greener (although it sounds like you have already discovered the truth in this fallacy through your various affairs).
Source: 18 months ago I thought my marriage was over after my wife told me how unhappy she was and disclosed an emotional affair she was having. We are back on track and things have been better than they have been in years. We just celebrated our 24 year anniversary!
I just want to say that I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I have had my own share of marital duress this year (2014 just seems to suck for everyone I talk to, myself included) and it's not something I wish upon anyone.
I don't know your situation, but with me reading all the relationship books I could find really helped me gain some perspective. I'll link them but the main advice is the same: you have to start rebuilding you. This of course I'm sure being the last thing you want to hear right now. Based on the 5 or 6 books I read when a partner who wants to leave (and who does so in this case) and the other person begs and tries to cajole the other into coming back, the person on the wayward side gets pushed even further away (I've personally seen this myself). But once the person who was abandoned starts living and doing for themselves the wayward party sees this and begins to assess what they're doing and why they're doing it.
Like I said, this is just the collected advice of the various things that I read and may not pertain to you in the slightest. Regardless I'll make sure to pray for you because what you're going through is just horrible and I really feel for you.
Here are the books:
Best of luck and I hope everything works out.
I will write more later when I'm not at work, but in the meantime, check out this book, because if I knew what was in it BEFORE shit hit the fan, we'd probably still be together. This book is spot on.
http://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Remedy-Proven-Program-Marriage/dp/0684873257
I'll give you more details about my personal situation later.
I was in your shoes, only it sounds like you may have more time than I did. While you have time, if you want to save your marriage, stop whatever it is that you're doing. Whatever it is, it obviously hasn't been working. I read a book that I thought was pretty useful - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0684873257/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
It was too late for me, but it might help you.
That could be good advice, or it could be astonishingly bad advice. And the question gives us no way to determine which.
Here's the big question we need to know: Do you want out of the marriage, or do you want her back?
Either way, I wouldn't lawyer up or take any other hostile action unless she does so first. A lawyer's job is to win the battle by legal standards. This is often the precise opposite of getting you what you want in the long run.
If you want the marriage to end, try to negotiate a settlement that helps you both without lawyers if possible. You can always bring them in later if you have to.
If you want her back, try to remain calm, resist anger, despair, or other emotions that will cloud your head, and read Michele Weiner-Davis's The Divorce Remedy.