Reddit reviews The Incendiaries: A Novel

>Q: What’s the ethos behind your eyeshadow?
A: When I was writing The Incendiaries, I was drawn to people who had smokier eyes, so I started experimenting with it myself. I remember my mother-in-law — who’s so funny, and who I’m very close to — asking, ‘Why do you do that with your eyes? It makes you look sad.’ I said, ‘Well, yeah, I’m quite often sad, actually.’ And she thought about it, then said, ‘Sometimes it makes you look tired.’ I was like, ‘Well, I’m pretty much ALWAYS tired.’ I told her, I want to look the way I feel! Plus, in general, I think I do present as happy and nice. Women are often conditioned to try to put people at ease, to make sure everyone’s comfortable. That niceness can make it seem like I can be stepped all over. I think this look is partly my trying to counteract it.
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>Q: Do you find that you make a different first impression now? Do people see you as tough?
A: Yes, I think people do see me differently. And one of the most meaningful things is when I hear from other women about the ways they costume themselves. They’ll say, ‘That’s why I dye my hair purple, because I want to change the world’s assumptions of me’ or ‘That’s a big part of why I have tattoos!’ But on the other hand, I’m still — one wants to be kind, you know? I mean, life is so hard, and it just feels better not to be a dick when I’m out in the world.
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>Q: You’ve also publicly addressed the specific stereotypes you confront, not just as a woman but an Asian-American woman.
A: Yes. I wrote a piece for the New York Times about this. My initial spark was the public reaction to Marie Kondo’s show, Tidying Up. As it got more and more popular, I noticed many people — who identify as progressive — talking about her in ways that felt increasingly racist. They referred to her as ‘fairy-like’ and ‘pixie-like,’ and other very traditional China Doll stereotypes about Asian-American women. That’s happened to me a lot as well, since my book came out and I’ve been traveling around talking about it. There have been so many times when strangers, usually in front of an audience, will get up to ask a question and say, ‘You’re so cute,’ or ‘You’re adorable.’ The vast majority of my Asian-American writer friends have experienced the same thing. It’s a kind of racism that maybe people don’t realize is racism — because it’s a compliment! You’re being called cute and adorable! But these are words reserved for children and puppies. I just couldn’t imagine a straight white man being praised for his appearance while talking about his work.

Also liked her essay Why I Wear Black Eyeshadow.