Reddit reviews The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain and Illness

Pain slut sub with fibromyalgia here.

Master/hubby is VERY aware of my issues, and is quite lenient in some areas. He knows I'm subject to "nap attacks" where I MUST sleep nearly immediately, and that certain areas of my body have pain that does NOT translate into pleasure, and that endorphins are good!

You want to know what her pain points are - the areas on her body that feel like stabbing, or bruises. The pain in those areas can be constant, and are insanely and deeply painful when touched or pressed. I have one on my upper arm, and do warn people to not even think of touching me there. I have had good results with medical marijuana, and found a coconut based cream with cannabis in it that I rub into that area, alleviating the pain for a few days. Heaven!

Another thing is a sensation of burning in the skin, mostly the arms and legs. This CAN be incorporated into play. Using the dull side of a butter knife and scraping the skin can feel like being skinned alive, without drawing any blood!

Being up close to her is good, the warmth is pleasant. Add in some vocal domination, and I'm a sopping mess!

Mostly we play when I've had a good nap, or when I instigate a scene. Usually by crawling up to Him while wearing my wrist and ankle cuffs. Master likes to spank and flog and whip, and dominate me verbally.

We've found that tying me up or having me stay in one position is too much, the muscles get cramped up and really sore. I've even had my blood sugar collapse, causing me to safeword. He allows me to vary my position, or to shift around if I get stiff or sore. While we DO want to push my boundaries, we DON'T want to cause a major flare of my symptoms! (I also take Effexor. It's mainly an anti-depressant, but I have found that it really helps with my pain level. I would suggest a different med though, as Effexor has a BAD withdrawal effect on many users, meaning even if I switch meds, I will still need a small dose of Effexor to prevent the withdrawal. And oddly, the withdrawal feels VERY similar to a major flare. This is good for me, as I go into withdrawal if I skip my dose more than 2 times. It's a positive reinforcement - if I don't want the pain, I take the pills! Sigh.)

Acupuncture is also very effective for me, and I have had a good result with this stuff called Recuperat-Ion. It's a mineral replacement that has helped with my exhaustion and brain fog. I also like Emergen-C Wild Berry, the one with Vitamin D and Calcium. Two packets a day, lots of water. This stuff gave me a similar effect of less exhaustion. I was able to function well at a week long convention in summer heat! Usually I can only go 2 or 3 days before I need a recovery day. Another treatment that is highly rated is the Myers Cocktail - basically intravenous vitamin and mineral therapy. I haven't tried it yet, but I think it may help with the exhaustion. Most people with fibro report that they feel as if they aren't absorbing nutrients properly. Not quite leaky gut, but definitely an intestinal problem. And interestingly, serotonin is made in the intestines too, so that could be where the problems are.

I suppose being a pain slut helps me to tolerate more pain in scenes. But then, my pain threshold varies during my cycle as well. Some days I can't get enough, and some days I'm a whiny brat. We just roll with it, knowing it's a limit that we just can't push.

With squeezing, you might want to take time to sort of map out her pain areas. I have many areas on my body that hurt when they are pressed, but a few inches away I am fine with being grabbed. Knowing those spots can allow you to do your thing without fear of fibro!

This book may be helpful. I haven't read it yet. Nina Hartley has also written a little about sex with partners with disabilities.

The more you learn about what HER specific things are, the better you can devise evil things to do to her that won't have long term effects. As Master said when He collared me, "I WILL hurt you, but I will NEVER harm you."

Fibro symptoms vary in every sufferer, so communication is even more important than usual. We're usually on edge from the pain and exhaustion anyway, so it doesn't take much to turn "oooh!" into "ARG!" But a little care goes a long way, too. Good luck! PM me if you want to talk more.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Ultimate-Guide-Sex-Disability/dp/1573441767

I have a mild form of CP in my legs. I'm male and 24 now so I'm going to try and give you a summary of all the major points I think both she and you'll need to know.

For therapy, push her but realize she may have times when she doesn't like it because its painful and he may resent he's the only one who has to do the extra work. Even at early age fitting in starts to be important. Bribery is your ally here. 10 minutes of stretches per night for a week and she gets a sticker every night, 10 stickers and she gets to go to McDonalds or something.

I never had surgery but I did do casting a few summers. Long-term I'd say it helped somewhat but as a kid all you see is not being able to play as much...and the embarrassment of sponge bathes because you can't shower with the casts on (those waterproof covers are crap, I had to redo a week the first and only time I tried one). Wore AFOs until I was about 17 which I think did help.

I had Botox injections too, they hurt like hell and it'll be hard on all of you for her to be in pain but it goes away in less then 20 minutes.

Now some downsides. As he gets older she'll likely have a period where she resents her disability, including therapy. Fitting in becomes important. Therapist, Doctors etc. are good people who dedicate their careers to helping you. But I realized CP has no cure; all these people career's are to help me 'as best they can'; the unspoken message there is I'll never have legs good enough as everyone else-I am still lesser. I'm better then I was now but I won't lie, age 12 was a hellish time for me.

My parents raised me as nothing special, and I'm grateful for that. But I was forced to use a Walker at school for 6 and a half years starting at age 12. The main reason I was given is it'd help me in crowded hallways. Not even a teenager yet and I looked like a senior. That was 6 and half years of misery everyday, it cleared the halls but also of most people my age-kids that are different don't always have the best time. If she needs mobility equipment start him on it NOW, it'll spare him the harsh transition I had. I dropped the Walker as soon as I finished high school and haven't touched it since.

Be cautious of disability groups; finding people like you to talk with can be great. But I resented them as a kid I never found anyone my age and level of disability, the stress of stares of us in a group increased when I wanted people to look at me less. And I resented the only reason we were put together is because of what was wrong with us. He might be more open to it but if she's not don't force any of those disability day trips on her.

She might be into disabled sports and make friends that way, I wasn't because I couldn't play the 'real' sports with the regular kids at my school, I felt like disability sports were 2nd rate (look at media coverage of Paralympics to regular Olympics to see my point); but if you start her early and nudge her early on she might make bonds with other kids like her that way.

When she's old enough that her friends are getting paper routes, start her volunteering. It'll be a lot easier on her for first jobs that way, getting experience. Personally I'd say not with a disability organization as you don't want the first thing on her resume to be the disability (ableist bias is real). A pet shelter, a YMCA, something where she'll get workplace tasks to complete and feel like she has a shot of being hired.

Far future planning: Think about transit options now. Can she get around daily for work, grocery shopping and meeting friends with wheelchair buses regularly? Does she need hand controls to drive a car? Research how to get those in your area now so you know what to do both practically and financially when the time comes. I'm almost done driving school after a year and a half of government runaround and $5000 not including the car or insurance.

This last one is the most complex...relationships. There's only so much anyone will listen too from their parents on love and sex and I can guarantee the public school sex ed does not help with this. The Walker really killed my self-esteem and it taken me years to self-heal and feel like I'm not bottom of the barrel. Even a lot of therapists don't give advice on this topic. But I will just say The Ultimate Guide to Sexuality and Disability book by Corey Silverberg and 2 other educators was great for me. Get a copy and check it yourselves. When the time is right maybe even give it to a therapist to give to her if she brings up questions like that. Its too much for a 12 year old but knowing I am a valuable partner and can have a good sex/love life then would have really helped. https://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Guide-Sex-Disability-Disabilities/dp/1573441767/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1491612913&sr=8-1&keywords=ultimate+guide+sexuality+and+disability

I'm going to leave two videos and articles here as well. Just so you know what she'll face.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PwvGfs6Pok

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8K9Gg164Bsw

https://www.autostraddle.com/know-me-where-it-hurts-kink-cerebral-palsy-226077/

https://www.autostraddle.com/so-you-want-to-fuck-an-able-bodied-person-authors-submission-heather-has-the-chart-not-the-chart-but-you-know-what-i-mean-341496/

PM for more if you like if you have any questions/concerns.