(Part 3) Top products from r/Jokes

No, a Jasper Fforde fan.

> “Good. Item seven. The had had and that that problem. Lady Cavendish, weren’t you working on this?’

> Lady Cavendish stood up and gathered her thoughts. ‘Indeed. The uses of had had and that that have to be strictly controlled; they can interrupt the imaginotransference quite dramatically, causing readers to go back over the sentence in confusion, something we try to avoid.’

> ‘Go on.’

> ‘It’s mostly an unlicensed-usage problem. At the last count David Copperfield alone had had had had sixty three times, all but ten unapproved. Pilgrim’s Progress may also be a problem due to its had had/that that ratio.’

> ‘So what’s the problem in Progress?’

> ‘That that had that that ten times but had had had had only thrice. Increased had had usage had had to be overlooked, but not if the number exceeds that that that usage.’

> ‘Hmm,’ said the Bellman, ‘I thought had had had had TGC’s approval for use in Dickens? What’s the problem?’

> ‘Take the first had had and that that in the book by way of example,’ said Lady Cavendish. ‘You would have thought that that first had had had had good occasion to be seen as had, had you not? Had had had approval but had had had not; equally it is true to say that that that that had had approval but that that other that that had not.’

> ‘So the problem with that other that that was that…?’

> ‘That that other-other that that had had approval.’

> ‘Okay’ said the Bellman, whose head was in danger of falling apart like a chocolate orange, ‘let me get this straight: David Copperfield, unlike Pilgrim’s Progress, had had had, had had had had. Had had had had TGC’s approval?’

> There was a very long pause. ‘Right,’ said the Bellman with a sigh, ‘that’s it for the moment. I’ll be giving out assignments in ten minutes. Session’s over – and let’s be careful out there.”

> ― Jasper Fforde, The Well of Lost Plots

A Scotsman is visiting America and decides to go hunting. While in the woods a huge beast runs by and the Scotsman shoots, but misses. 'What was that!' yelled the Scot. 'It was a moose' replied his guide, to which the Scotsman replied: If that was a moose, I don't want to see what your rots look like!

The joke is originally from Issac Asimov (he has a really great joke book) so blame him for the accent!

I'm really not trying to rage against anything or break anything down. You just remind me of the French Academy, that stalwart defender of the French language which bans any "Anglicized" words from signs, and insists on people using the unwieldy "'courrier électronique" instead of "email." They're guided by the same principle you are: that there's some sort of "pure" form of the language.

I suggest reading Bill Bryson's excellent book The Mother Tongue: English and How it Got That Way". In it, Bryson explains that most of the sacred English "rules"- for example, not ending sentences with a preposition- were simply made up and decided upon by stodgy old men. These men weren't translating rules from the heavens- they were just being persnickety and officious.

Language adapts. It incorporates new ideas, it gets rid of old ones, it naturally discards of things which are no longer useful to its speakers.

Insisting on a "proper" way to speak is lingual facism, if you'll excuse my hyperbole.

If you'd like to read about it, this book is awesome

When Hannity and TV cop shows are your only source of information about this stuff a lot of well reasoned ideas can seem pretty crazy at first.

Edit: For anyone who wants a pretty good starting point for understanding this stuff "Off The Books" by Sudhir Venkatesh is worth a look. That chapter in Freakenomics about the drug war talks about this same guy's work.

Not that I know of, although you can look at the labels and find out, but if you want to avoid perfume you have to avoid everything in the frozen section of the supermarket other than plain frozen vegetables. Also, tons of baked goods, chips, lots of things in bottles and cans.

Look on the labels of your food. The phrases "Natural flavors," "Artificial flavors," or "Natural and Artificial flavors" all mean perfume.

If you want to avoid it, you pretty much have to buy unprocessed food.

If you want more information, the book "Fast Food Nation" goes into tons of detail.

There is a wonderful book titled "1001 Lewdest Limericks" replete with these. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0806517743?pc_redir=1414382857&robot_redir=1

You really need to read this book: http://www.amazon.com/Illusions-The-Adventures-Reluctant-Messiah/dp/0440204887 you'll seriously love it. Quite topical.

I remember a while back, I had to read 1776 by David McCullough for school, which, if you haven't read it, is a really detailed historical account of the American Revolution. I mostly remember that, like most international political issues, I had trouble following everything that was going on at once. Very interesting and informative read, though.

"LAZINESS IS A TRAIT IN BLACKS."

from this book: http://www.amazon.com/Trumped-Inside-Trump-His-Cunning-Spectacular/dp/067173735X

please rationalize this quote.

This joke is so old, there's a book written about it: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Eats-Shoots-Leaves-Lynne-Truss/dp/0007329067

https://www.amazon.com/Eats-Shoots-Leaves-Commas-Difference/dp/0399244913/ref=pd_sbs_14_img_0/164-2233754-6065008?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=14CTXRBMKY9DKA09X72J

There is a whole story built around this. I read it to my kids often.

Relevant

Do not dictate to me, catcher in the wry.

Found her

Guessing this was invented by someone who read The Beast from the East as a kind.

Edit: synopsis

http://www.amazon.com/Lamb-Gospel-According-Christs-Childhood/dp/0380813815

Try it if you haven't already.

Have you read the homeletical plot? He compares preaching to the dramaturgi of a movie, which always starts with upsetting the equilibrium. I can recommend it.

Edit: http://www.amazon.com/The-Homiletical-Plot-Expanded-Edition/dp/0664222641

http://www.amazon.com/The-Limerick-Gershon-Legman/dp/0517065053

I own this book, and am shocked that most of the limericks in this thread are actually not in it. It's the largest collection of dirty limericks I know of. :)