(Part 3) Top products from r/MtF

There's the old adage Could of, Would of, Should of that we all face in our lives. There is zero value in looking back with regret. It is a complete waste of emotional energy because there is NOTHING that you can do about it other than learn from it. You can look back in a healthy way to learn how things could have been different to achieve the outcome that would have been better. But to sit in wallow because things didn't go absolutely futile.

I think at one point most of us wanted to be in a rock-n-roll band but that can only happen with time and dedication. If that is really important to you, what have you done to achieve that goal? With any goal, you have to work at it and in time good things will happen.

Your ambition of Spread joy to everyone and makes them happier each day is an admirable one that is both achievable and healthy. This is so doable and I would love to see you succeed. We need more people with your ideals in the world!

My recommendation is for you to go volunteer some where. Helping others is such a wonderful therapeutic activity. It allows us to get outside of our own head and problems. Seeing others that have suffered and had trials like our own can help us to put things into perspective. So go help out at a nursing home, the local LGBT community center, Habitat for Humanity or a food shelter, etc. Through opportunities like this you can spread joy and forge the friendships that you want/need.

Another thing I'd recommend is reading about others that have gone through immense pain and suffering yet persevered. My favorite book is Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand. I can't think of a book that made me laugh and cry as much as this one. I absolutely LOVED this book. It is about a WWII Navy pilot that was shot down and captured by the Japanese. A movie was made from it but the book is SO much better.

>Never tried hrt. It won't change my life.

You are right that HRT alone will not change your life. Only you can change your life. HRT or antidepressants can only help get you to a more emotionally stable state of mind.

I will challenge you that HRT won't help you in changing your life. How could you possibly know without trying? At this point what harm is there in trying?

> I'll be at best a parody of a woman

I would disagree that you would only be a parody of a woman. We are women already but many of us struggle with internalized transphobia that results in feeling the way that you stated. There are countless trans folks here that will tell you otherwise as well. Don't you think that many if not nearly all of them felt the same way that you do? It is not an easy road but it is possible.

Please don't give up. Do one of the following - call 911, check into an ER or call the Trans Support line. There is a community here that wants to help but there is only so much we can do. Get the help that is available. Trust me that they can help you find a way through all of this.

{warning, graphic sexual description}

buy a vibrator. the way it seems for me, is that my body thinks my dick is a clitoris. the easiest and best way to cum, is to tuck, and then use the vibrator near the head, through underwear.
this can take a while to get used to, but once i got used to it, i found myself able to cum multiple times. it's super rad.

i recommend this thing.

EDIT: also, yeah, prostate simulation is also rad. vibrator and anal is like, the best thing i've ever experience. i recommend buying or downloading this book, if you're inexperienced. or, even if you are, to be honest.

EDIT 2: but the biggest thing is just to be patient and explore and experiment with your body on your own time. when you were going thru puberty the first time, you didn't automatically know what you liked. you learned over years. so don't worry too much. even if it takes you longer than you want, you'll figure it out. :)

That's great news! It sounds like she wants to support you but just needs time to absorb it all, which is perfectly normal.

If she wants a lot more information, I'd recommend The Transgender Guidebook
It goes over what being transgender is, plus it explains just about every aspect of the transition process in a really easy to digest format. (For both MtF's, as well as FtM's).

Congratulations, again !

I have three points I'd like to add to this discussion.

1. Regarding makeup: There's any number of free youtube videos on makeup where they will recommend a whole range of various stuff, though I'd dare say that much of the stuff is unnecessarily pricy and/or unnecessary. I've got a ten-step guide myself you might want to read. Also: the only thing you really need to buy in a store and test out is foundation: and it's fine to just check the match on the back of your hand or your cheek. If you insist on getting a book regarding this, I've heard a lot of good things about Bobbi Brown's Makeup Manual.
   
2. Regarding walking: (cis)women have hips and walk as such - unless they're stiff Nordic people where everyone walks robotic (like me!). It's not really that difficult to walk more feminine though - Feminizationsecrets has an excellent video where they show an excercise in order to "open up" your hip movement. You can also start taking dancing classes or well... Do dancing exercises. It'll open up your hips.
   
3. And lastly, EMOTIONAL LABOUR. Anyone would benefit from reading this collection of stories concerning this. Stereotypically, being a woman also includes thinking about EVERYTHING. Men tend to focus on "my stuff and my stuff only" (though I know enough exceptions to this "rule" to doubt it). I can't really summarize this good enough... Just read it.

As far as fiction goes, the best I have read is "Nevada" by Imogen Binnie. This is one of those books that I immediately started reading again as soon as I finished it the first time.

https://www.amazon.com/Nevada-Imogen-Binnie/dp/0983242232/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1466321271&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=Nevada+imogene+binnie

Another work of fiction that is not about the transgender experience but does touch on some themes that you may be able to relate to is "Middlesex" by Jeffery Eugenides. It is really well done and has several interesting story arcs that intersect in really interesting ways with the protagonist.

https://www.amazon.com/Middlesex-Novel-Oprahs-Book-Club/dp/0312427735/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1466321681&sr=8-1&keywords=Middlesex

As far as bios go I really liked Janet Mock's "Redefining Realness" and "She Not There" by Jennifer Finney Boylan.

https://www.amazon.com/Redefining-Realness-Path-Womanhood-Identity/dp/1476709130/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1466321501&sr=8-1&keywords=redefining+realness

https://www.amazon.com/Shes-Not-There-Life-Genders/dp/0385346972/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1466321522&sr=8-1&keywords=She%27s+not+there

Edit: My auto correct want Boylan to be be Moylan.

This is a great book that covers a lot. It was a nice help to me to help "validate" my trans feelings of being a woman. I highly recommend it.

https://www.amazon.com/My-Gender-Workbook-Something-Entirely/dp/0415916739/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=HHRA52EKXA365F3T65GW

The other thing is therapy. I didn't do mine til I was on HRT, but I do wish I'd started earlier, as it takes time to unpack all of the stuff you need to. Being a girl that was raised as a boy can leave you with a lot process, so it's worth getting help with it. Also, this book was very helpful for me alongside therapy.

I'm saying don't move out first, actually. Transition anyway... just be prepared to move out.

Also, I recommend the these books, they'll help you:

https://www.amazon.com/Queer-Transgender-Resilience-Workbook-Orientation-ebook/dp/B06XGCK1SQ/ref=mp_s_a_1_5?keywords=transgender+resilience+workbook&qid=1565724794&s=gateway&sprefix=transgender+res&sr=8-5

https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive-ebook/dp/B019MMUA8S/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?keywords=the+subtle+art+of+not+giving+a+f---+mark+manson&qid=1565724839&s=gateway&sprefix=the+subt&sr=8-2

https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents/dp/1626251703/ref=asc_df_1626251703/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312130960442&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13704884949090517083&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1026201&hvtargid=aud-801381245258:pla-347358731227&psc=1

They'll help you do what you need for yourself without apologizing or letting others control you.

I like Allen Carr's insight method - it's just brilliant - and he shows how we've been programmed/brain-washed to believe it takes will-power to stop smoking - when in fact, after one sees clearly, nothing could be further from the truth!

Oh, I dunno if I can actually put my whole list in a Reddit post limited to 10k characters.

Naked 3 palette, along with a slew of other things from that category.

Sex Love Repeat and a couple dozen other erotica.

Blade Runner 2049, obvs.

Belle de Jour, another obvs.

Rose Absolute essential oil.

A better lube and a slew of toys I wouldn't buy at amazon.

Audrey Hepburn poster, was she a working girl? I guess we'll never know.

I got a little Raspberry Pi to play with. The idea is to get it take over control of my network and crypto currency operations so that I can sell some older computer hardware (at a profit).

I've spent the day so far compiling libraries and installing software, but I'm making progress.

I'm also reading Fangirl at the moment. I'm only a quarter of the way through it but I plan to have it finished by tomorrow evening. I have a book club to go :)

Today is also the last day of Hermit Mode for this week. I have an electrolysis appointment tomorrow morning which means I'll no longer have to hide in my room.

I need some opinions. I want to buy a T-shirt, but I can't decide which one. Here's a couple Amazon links:

This is currently in first place.

This is second place.

And this one is a close third.

What do you think?

https://www.amazon.com/Chosen-Novel-Chaim-Potok/dp/0449213447

I fancy myself a bit of an amazon so I am an infantry grunt (although they were really horsewomen if you haven't read it: https://www.amazon.com/Amazons-Legends-Warrior-across-Ancient/dp/0691170274/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1466811407&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Amazons), so I am half of a .50 cal MG team. I carry the tripod and the optics to spot. Since our other girl is new and is crazy about firing the biggest things she can get her hands on (so we prefer to have me handle security since I can drop a moving target at 600m with an M16).

I was very depressed in the year or two prior to transition. Transition just added to the depression due to all the things we have to deal with during the first years. Depression was something I talked a lot about during therapy session but that did not seem to help much. This book helped me more than therapy and many other books I had read. It has concrete steps to take and they worked for me.

Indeed it's so often the case. I mean look at this type of stuff:

Looks like the country's most transphobic states are really into trans porn

Lemme tell you. This transphobic stuff is all old news to me, really. See I am a black woman from the city. These niggas around here have been killing us before America even began to give a shit about this debate. These people around here will kill you quick and a look at all the dead black trans women and how we make up the vast majority of murdered transgender women is a testament to that. Inwardly, however, these guys be so into LGBT people it's insane. I used to joke with my sister (she's cis) how before I transitioned and when I was on male mode I could probably go to a church and pull more dick than her. I was joking, but actually quite serious.

It's a known thing, but kept under wraps... hiding in plain sight. Look at this commentary:

D.L. Hughley on the Black Church: It's the Gayest Place on the Face of the Earth

Also consider reading the following book

On the Down Low: A Journey into the Lives of 'Straight' Black Men Who Sleep with Men

Like really, these words today come to you from a front line trooper in this LGBT culture war. Us black trans women be raising that body count. Believe it, I learned young when these people start puffing out their chests and posturing with shit like "Yo fuck these trannies" and start quoting the Bible about gays and stuff, look out... you so often got a closeted obsessed ass chaser on your hands who in private will be wanting to sniff your stockings and weird shit like that, but in public will put a bullet through you to try and prove their "manhood.