(Part 3) Top products from r/RedPillWives

This is going to sound like a load of hogwash, but it worked for me: cross-stitch and crochet. It was almost like a kind of therapy, forcing me to concentrate on a small thing and in creating things. I've even sold a bunch but now I give them away to family and friends.

Growing veg: start with growing herbs like basil and oregano, you can use them for cokking and they'll grow inside all year. They're fairly easy to care for too

Cooking: definitely start with youtube, where you can pause, follow along and ensure your food is looking right along every step. I personally like "Food Wishes" and "Tutti a Tavola". The latter is in italian, but it's easy enough to follow just the images without audio.

Tips for cooking: watch the whole video for what you want to make a couple of times (2/3) and make an ingredient list. Watch the video again. Make sure you have all ingredients and tools. Make sure your ingredients are like they show in the video (pre-chopped, washed, etc). Watch the video one last time and get cooking!

Books are extremely good sources but I'd wait until you have the basics down, or get a book with step-by-step pictures, until you have a good grasp on most techniques and ingredients you'll want to use. For me, books meant for getting older children to cook (10-12) were a great step, as they have pictures and deal with only simpler techniques. This one is great

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Childrens-Cookbook-Delicious-Step-Step/dp/1405305886/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1540290895&sr=8-1&keywords=cooking+for+children

I have made nearly every recipe and keep coming back to it, even though I'm now more of an intermediate cook. The recipes are easy and tasty, and the pictures are very helpful

Before I even found TRP/RPW I was deep into MRA discussion. I will keep on recommending Karen Straughan's videos, more specifically Feminism and the Disposable Male (probably the most powerful of her pieces). After that, sorting by popular, even if you are already familiar with Karen's content. There's honestly a lot of material on youtube that I would go to before a book because of how non establishment the criticism is.

While Karen's style is more of a take down of specific articles/videos/ideas, TyphonBlue (now Based Bager) approached the subject by analyzing Threat Narrative tropes (not sure if she coined it but I firstheard it from her), here's a playlist. I can't rewatch right now to make sure it's beginner's content, it is less approachable than Karen's but equally insightful.

The thing with a lot of YouTubers though is that it all expires so quickly. Either it's a take-down that was relevant then and it hardly makes any sense now (it peaked around 2011), or the user deleted the channel or became super extreme or changed the focus of the channel...

Why I'm No Longer a Feminist has some good points about how feminist circles are (I generally enjoy such videos, Lauren Southern has one.. I tried to find more in my liked videos and they are either deleted or private), here's a mirror of Christy0Misty's videos before she deleted.

For books, the most obvious would be Christina Hoff Sommers' (Who Stole Feminism?, The War Against Boys) which haven't read aside from articles and videos. A book I have read is Men on Strike by Helen Smith, it's sorta repetitive but books on definite topics are easier to find (she writes a column here). I think articles is where it's mostly at, but I would love to read recommended books.

A lot of antifeminist thought goes hand in hand with criticism of the left. It's so vast though I wouldn't know where to start. I generally look into individual people and their timelines. And A LOT of it has to be your own conclusions of feminist thought you read first-hand. So it's really important to know its main ideas and waves. A very popular criticism is about it being rehashed Marxism, for example. So looking into western philosophy as a primer is always advised. Here's a free introductory course to the History of Western Philosophy.

I have four kids, all born within 5 years. When they were small, I found it downright impossible to have proper dinner ready when my husband got home from work. I just couldn't joggle the baby, toddlers and cooking all at the same time.

I found the perfect solution from the book Bringing up bebe. We are European (but not French) and before we had kids we used to eat late. Now we decided to move dinner close to children's bedtime. It turned out to be a real win win solution for everybody.

When my husband now comes home, he first spends an hour or two with the children while I cook dinner. He loves it, children love it, and I have a wonderful stress-free time in kitchen listening to radio all by myself (ok, this is in theory - in practice kids run in and out and I'm needed every five or ten minutes for something. Unless they all go out.) By the time we sit at the table, all children are in their pajamas. Dinner is also much more relaxed, we know that within ten minutes after the children leave the table, they are in bed.

Nowadays we are both working, and late dinner is still the perfect solution for our family.

I like these 2 books on hosting: How to host a dinner party and What's a hostess to do

Based on my experience:

• Stick to recipes you're comfortable with so you don't worry about messing up.
  
• Try to prepare as much of the food as possible in the days before the party, if they will keep well.
  
• Have your playlists and sound system ready before the party. I've had to spend time messing with the audio during parties before, which adds to stress.
  
• Personally, I like to serve stuff like pasta and curry because they're one-pot dishes and the portions can be scaled up easily. Tomato-based sauces can be prepared beforehand. It's also easy to modify those dishes for people with dietary restrictions, by setting aside separate portions for them.

Thanks for posting this. I love her honest introspection and humility. The author's experience is a beautiful one, though while I can easily see her point of view, my grief journey was almost the opposite of hers. I was hoping to find something a little more poignant in the comments, but the loudest ones were the non-empathetic and unaccountable "you're his wife, not his mother" ones. They were so similar to the comments of that "She divorced me because I left dishes by the sink" article that went viral a while back that it's only the husband who has to compromise in marriage. Empathy - being able to see the world through another person's eyes - isn't being extended both ways. His viewpoint, his work, his sacrifices, and his pain aren't even considered by so many people.

From a Christian perspective, the church can be pretty terrible at this as well. It's one of several reasons why men hate going to church. Instead of catering to his needs and equipping him to be a captain, he is passive-aggressively burdened with the responsibility of her happiness. It doesn't help the team by focussing on one player. A great team functions by accentuating each other's strengths and covering each other's weaknesses, like picking up after a husband who compromises on laundry to spend more time with loved ones. "He had chosen what is more important."

I think my late would-be-wife would have also adored this article. Thanks again for sharing.

edit: grammar

This book has been really helpful to me. Housework finally feels manageable and is a daily habit. It outlines specific take for each day, but also has a built in flex day. Nothing else I tried had that flex day and then when something came up I would quickly get behind in housework and then super overwhelmed. Now I just pick up where I left off.

Simply Clean: The Proven Method for Keeping Your Home Organized, Clean, and Beautiful in Just 10 Minutes a Day https://www.amazon.com/dp/1501158791/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_0R.dBb9ZR2AG4

You're being passive aggressive. Your boyfriend can't read your mind, and expecting him to is selfish and immature. Love takes charity, and forgiveness. If you want something from him you just need to sit him down and tell him how you feel.

Though if you have a history of being passive aggressive, he might not feel safe enough to be honest with you. I highly suggest you curb your behavior.

Here's a really good book that I think will strengthen the way you approach relationships: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060520620/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_pS03Bb27EKRN3

I haven't read this yet, but I'm getting ready to buy Lauren Southern's new book Barbarians - from what I can tell, it looks like it'll be pretty good.

Cuisinart Mini-Prep Plus DLC-2A Food Processor (White) Amazon link #notspons
I bought it in red at my local Khols.

It's not particularly powerful, but it gets the job done for chopping for salsas and purées too. It's not big enough for making pie crusts and would probably burn out if you're trying to make homemade peanut butter or something. But, it's a perfect size for making dips or sauces in reasonable amounts. I would imagine it will work great making baby food, but I haven't tried it yet.

Lovely for you, that's so exciting!

My pregnancy book:

Day-by-Day-Pregnancy

It's good for tips as well as interesting about what's happening with baby

I love this one and it's huge. I bought it used on Amazon. It's like the encyclopedia of running a house. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/068481465X/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Steal away!

Have you read A Ship Made of Paper by Scott Spencer?

There's a really beautiful passage in which this woman gives advice to a couple. She talks about how a common phenomenon she sees in relationships is the tendency to assume that your partner is just like you. As a result, when your partner does something or reacts to something differently than you would, you get mad or feel hurt or confused by their behavior. So she encourages the couple to remember, notice, and celebrate their differences so they avoid conflict that comes from creating expectations that don't take the other person's beautiful uniqueness into account. I have the book at home, I'll see if I can add a few direct quotes later tonight!

For my body I really like Neutrogena Fresh Cooling Body Mist Sunblock and Ultra Shee Dry-Touch Sunscreen (Neutrogena) for my face.

I'm glad you asked because I didn't think to google it before and it looks hilarious.
It's here , but it looks like it might be hard to find.

Link to the book, if anyone is interested in reading further.

There's a wife one as well!

So you have got an uphill battle in front of you and you want something that is going to fix it right away. That ain't gonna happen.

Firstly, I commend you for realizing that you need to take responsibility for your actions. That is really important. Becoming an easy going person isn't something that just happens over night. You snapping and being critical won't magically go away. However, what you do with that is what you can fix while you are learning coping skills.

If you find that you snap and bitch, apologize. Do not say things like "I wouldn't have snapped if you didnt' do XYZ". Just apologize and own your behavior. FULLY. Once you have apologized, then you can use the STFU method. Walk away. Think about why you need to control, why you snapped, why you were irrational. Think about those things until you have come up with a reason.. NOT AN EXCUSE.. then talk to your SO about them. "I feel X when Y is happening." Statements like that will shift the focus from what he is doing "wrong" to what a particular situation inspires in you.

After a while, you will find that there are patterns to your behavior. They can be as small as you getting tense when guests are around to you freaking out because your SO is always late. Here are some examples from my own life.

I cannot sit in the passenger seat without being filled with fear. This stems from being in car accidents.

I do not appreciate when my SO is late or makes me late. This stems from abandonment issues from my childhood.

Acknowledging where your fears are coming from will allow you to be more vulnerable with your SO. He will understand you better. Once you have that down, you then start to realize that you can let go just a bit more each time. You have to basically train yourself to respond to stimulus differently.

In my examples, I now read while in the passenger seat to distract myself instead of bitching that he is going too fast, or didn't take the right turn. I now allow myself to read some AA literature while I am waiting and do not even look at the clock if I am waiting. I also make sure that any plans I have include a buffer so that being late becomes a non-issue. Basically, I take steps to mitigate my crazy before they come out.

I personally recommend this book called "Dont sweat the small stuff and it's all small stuff" and on more of a relationship note The Surrendered Wife.

Learning to stifle your inner bitch is a long process and not one method is going to work for everyone. Don't beat yourself up about it and just work hard to do better from now on.

Good luck :)

EDIT: Actually, now that I read a little bit more into your post I think you should read the CTFO Method. It seems like you're stressed that trying to change isn't happening over night. So maybe try that too.

I agree with the other commenters about deal breakers.

I was reading a book by the really famous marriage researcher John Gottman (https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797) and his research shows that many long-married couples have about ten or so fundamental issues that they disagree about and what they do is instead of arguing about it all the time, they just find ways to live with them. They even joke about it.

When I argue with my SO, it really helps me to think about where he's coming from. Why does he feel and believe this? How does his past shape his beliefs?

I feel like the most important thing when you're discussing something serious and everybody's getting emotional is to keep the argument "clean". John Gottman talks about the "Four Horseman of the Apocalypse" for marriage which he says are: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. It's much better to avoid these behaviors.