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You are absolutely not wrong. It is frankly immoral for a 37 year old able-bodied man to not be working to support his family.

He's lazy and selfish. Bottom line. He is fine for you to do all the work, for you to carry all the stress. You are suffering, and he's basically okay with that, it sure doesn't bother him enough to make a change.

You married a bum. He was already unemployed and lazy when you married him. So that was a mistake, because while people absolutely CAN change, I do believe that, the fact is they mostly DON'T change. Especially when they don't even want to!

But do NOT let him use the "you knew I was a lazy bum when you married me" excuse. That doesn't excuse him at all. He's objectively wrong to be a lazy bum, and just because you mistakenly put up with it in the past doesn't make him magically justified to continue that the rest of his days.

After all, did he tell you before marriage that he was planning on staying a lazy bum and never working? Did he make that clear? Of course not. And you can tell him, "you knew I believed a man needs to work to support his family when you married me" so that cuts both ways.

If he has no job, then he has no money. It would be one thing if he was a stay-at-home dad and took care of the kids and house and stuff. That's fine, because then he wouldn't be a lazy bum. But he's not doing that. He's just doing whatever the hell he feels like.

My advice is to take his name off all the bank accounts and just cut him off. Buy plenty of rice and beans for him to eat, but no money for anything to actually make his life comfortable. Tell him when he contributes to the finances he can have a share of them again. Or give him an allowance, but pick an amount to make life frugal for him.

I believe in a married couple sharing finances, what's yours is mine etc, but that is not meant to exist so one party can take advantage of the other.

Get a TV Timer that limits how much time he can spend on video games, maybe.

Notice this all involves treating him like a child. That sucks. You want a partner, not an overgrown child. But you've tried reasoning like a grownup and that doesn't work. So what else is left? Just live with it forever? "The one who loves least controls the relationship."

By the way, my wife is not as bad as your husband but she's a pretty lazy slob. But I'm a little too chickenshit to take my own advice here. I did finally put her on an allowance which helped the hemorrhaging finances a bit... it's really HARD to treat your spouse like a child, they don't like it, and you don't like that you have to do it...

Why can't people just not be shitty?

Sounds rough. If you can't make the counselor thing happen, I at least suggest you read this book (or one like it) and offer it to him as well: http://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-A-Language-Life/dp/1892005034