(Part 2) Top products from r/cancer

Yes, you need a support group, and so does he. Sending you both big hugs. I wish there were more I could say or do to help you...the one person who comes to mind if you don't know her work already is Pema Chodron, whose book "When Things Fall Apart" has been very helpful to my good friend with terminal cancer. You might find it comforting. http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Fall-Apart-Difficult/dp/1570623449

I had Burkitt's - in remission.

In addition to here (we're nice, really!). LLS has a website and lots of info, too, as well as online (and offline) support groups.

http://www.lls.org/

Regarding chemo I always recommend this. I have no connection to the authors. I found it helpful

http://www.amazon.com/The-Chemotherapy-Survival-Guide-Everything/dp/1572246219

The Hodgkin's chemo is extremely unlikely to cause any long-term fertility damage. The 2nd line chemo (which hopefully you won't have to get and which most people don't need) can. You may want to consider fertility preservation.

NOW is the time for you both to investigate alternative cancer treatment.

To fight cancer the body needs the right nutrition, removal of toxins and irritants, and therapy that's non-toxic to normal cells. Standard treatments are not wildly successful and can actually cause new cancers; they also disfigure and/or destroy the body and its immune system, making it harder for natural remedies to work if they are tried in desperation when conventional treatments fail, as they frequently do.

The first step your family should take is to move to an alkalysing diet that emphasises fresh (and mostly raw) pesticide-free (organic or biodynamic or home-grown) vegetables and fruits. Carrot and beetroot juices every day can be beneficial. Any meat should be not the largest portion on the plate and very lightly cooked or eaten raw (e.g. sushi/sashimi, or steak tartare), to preserve the enzymes it contains (this is important as protein-digesting enzymes are needed to fight cancer cells. If you cook meat through, all its enzymes are destroyed and the body has to supply all the enzymes to process it, diverting them from the cancer fight).

An important nutrient linked to preventing breast tissue abnormalities is iodine. Many are deficient in this substance: besides not getting enough in the first place, it's also displaced by other halides such as fluoride, chlorine (both of these in drinking water), and bromine (the latter is used in bread production). The best dietary source is kelp, or seaweed. Japanese women who eat their traditional, kelp-rich diet have one of the lowest rates of breast cancer in the world. Check out Iodine: Why you need it, and why you can't live without it by Dr David Brownstein.

Your family should also move to eliminate refined carbohydrates from your diet. No more sugar, bread, pizza, white rice, pasta, cakes, biscuits/cookies, muffins or other flour products (the book Life Without Bread is very good). Cancer feeds on sugar; cancer cells have more insulin receptors than normal cells, and they can also make an insulin like substance that allows them to absorb up to around 15 or 16 times more than a normal cell. This fact can be used in various ways, including IPT and PET scans in the medical world, and is used in the alternative therapy world too (fruits like apples and apricots have sweet flesh with bitter seeds which contain an anti-cancer substance called amygdalin (aka "vitamin B17"); there is also a maple syrup + bicarb therapy (important to take magnesium too with this, so you don't upset your calcium/magnesium balance).

Avoid anything containing soy, as most commercial soy products are unfermented and thus will block iodine absorption as well as protein & mineral uptake. Avoid anything containing high-fructose corn syrup (HFCS). Avoid artificial colourings, flavourings (including MSG, year extract, hydrolyzed anything), and artificial sweeteners. Do not cook with polyunsaturated oil - it is fragile and oxidises readily under heat or light. Monounsaturated oils are best for salads, and saturated fats are far more stable under heat and are the healthiest to cook with. Don't use margarine - butter is better (also contains vitamins A and K2).

Cod-liver oil is an important source of vitamins A & D, which work together. Vitamin D is essential for proper immune system function; your wife needs hers in tip-top condition. A warming sit in the sun every day will allow the skin to produce vitamin D (sulphur and cholesterol are needed for this reaction; eggs contain both of these things). In the winter, or if indoors for extended periods, cod liver oil is essential.

Vitamin C in large intravenous doses has been shown to be effective in attacking cancer in a way that is non-toxic to normal cells. Taking vitamin C orally can help, but it's not as effective as the intravenous method. A good vitamin C formulation will contain bioflavonoids, and will balance calcium with other minerals such as magnesium and potassium, like this one. That brand also contains zinc, which is an important mineral if you are going to be using amygdalin (vitamin B17) therapy.

Websites to help you start your research include: Gerson.org, Cancure.org, CancerTutor.com. An excellent book enumerating a number of alternative therapies is available from CancerTruth.net.

Documentaries that you will find helpful include: The Gerson Miracle, Food Matters, The Beautiful Truth & Dying to Have Known (online here; 1hr 19 min), Healing Cancer from Inside Out, Burzynski: The Movie, and the excellent new 2011 film Cancer is Curable NOW (you can find them on Amazon.com & elsewhere).

Don't despair, there are better methods to try than the drastic and barbaric conventional ones. Don't let orthodoxy awe you with impressive terminology, play upon your fears, and tell you everything but their advice is "wrong" in order to quickly usher you into their agenda. Cancer is not generally going to cause someone to drop dead suddenly: take a week or three and do some thorough reading and research. Get an idea for what is available before making a treatment choice. Meanwhile, you can start changing your diet today: everyone in the family will benefit, not just your wife!

My mother died on May 2. So far, I've found that the anticipatory grief (what you're going through has a name... somehow I found that a little reassuring) was far worse, or at least more debilitating, than the grief since she died. That's not to say the present hurt is weak; it's just far different than I'd expected.

So, here's the deal. There are no expectations you need to place on yourself. There are no rules. There is no really telling grief how it should be. Grief is a selfish, painful, intrusive beast that takes over parts of your brain and heart, your attention, your energy, your will. And grief is important. You are processing it, I promise you. And the only wrong way to deal with grief is to try to ignore it or suppress it; that'll only make it hurt more in the long run (that's my theory, anyway).

If I were you, and if it's possible, I would start (or maintain) communicating with her care team at least weekly - however often they see her. Your mom will probably (rightfully) need to give them permission to share with you. In my case, they were very correct in telling me when my mom was months, then weeks, then days, then hours away, even though I fought them on most of it (I suffered from some serious Daughter Denial, although I was convinced I was being logical at the time).

Your mother is suffering, but it sounds like she's found peace with this - something that may come and go for her. You are are suffering, too. Our parents' mortality is incredibly hard to come to terms with - it's the toughest thing I've ever faced. I hate that any of us go through this, and my heart really goes out to you.

I would ask if there's any way possible for you to go to your mom's, with or without your family, to be with her for a little while. A week maybe? This is a very strange and special time; I don't know how to say that without sounding weird or morbid, but my mom and I had conversations in those last months that will never leave me. They were beautiful and heartbreaking and hilarious and ... just extremely special.

There were some books that helped me: Living at the End of Life (both my mom and I read this), The End of Life Handbook, and Nearing the End. They're not particularly religious or metaphysical - really straight-forward reads, and very informative and helpful. I didn't read any of them cover to cover; I just picked chapters from the Table of Contents when I needed "advice" on a particular topic.

I don't know if this rambling is at all helpful to you, but if so, please feel free to PM me anytime. This sucks, it's awful, and the grief cannot be stopped. But there are moments in this where you will stumble across something very meaningful and special. It's weird.

I believe the canonical text on the current understanding of cancer is Weinberg's The Biology of Cancer which is really fantastic. If you can get a hold of a copy you might try working through that book. Don't get discouraged if it goes over your head repeatedly -- just being exposed to the jargon goes a long way to obtaining understanding.

Good luck!

I did have this during chemo, but when my hands were cracking because I'd put them through hell doing dishes in hot water for days when our dishwasher broke, I would put a mix of aloe vera, rose hip seed oil and vaseline on my hands and put socks over them. It seemed to really help.

Aloe Vera gel is a good place to start as it's really gentle. Also for skin issues related to cancer treatment this is a really good book. It's written by a dermatologist who specializes in cancer treatment related skin issues, and its written for patients to read, and it's well written and easy to understand.

He mentions in the book that sometimes patients have skin issues that are so bad that they end up having to stop treatment. If she's in New York City she can go see him at Memorial Sloan Kettering and he can recommend things that might help her skin. He has seen it all regarding skin issues and cancer.

https://www.amazon.com/Lacoutures-Guide-People-Living-Cancer/dp/0615452264

In answer to your question of whether or not the diet would be worth a shot.. i would answer with "if I could go back to before I did chemotherapy, i would have done this diet instead". the reason why is a couple of different factors... well it all started when i was diagnosed with cancer and my dad started doing research as to what causes cancers. he didnt read this book, actually we just discoverd this book but ill explain how i found it in a sec. So my father was doing research and he came to the conclusion lack of nutrition is what causes cancer. TBH i was not sold on the idea at all and i chose to have chemotherapy. (i was 15 and for some reason the legalities were up to me). well i had chemo, was healed of cancer, and since then have been ok. well about a few weeks ago this woman went to have her car repaired at the body shop where my dad works. this woman was a *ahem "female priest" or something like that so you can imagine how very outgoing and talkative she was. she got talking to my dad, and crazy enough, she had hotchkins lypmphoma(or it might have ceen non-hotchkins) but nevertheless, her cancer was alot more advanced than mine was. mine was a stage 2 and hers was stage four. she had many surguries. She had cement poured down her spine, and she had as her docter put it "every possible body part removed without killing her". so the docters said there was nothing else they could do and basiccaly gave her a death sentence. She then explained that she wasnt going to give up and began looking online for any hope of living. she found this book. she followed the diet to a T, and after 3 months of this strict diet she was cancer free!! now i was never sold on the idea but actually meeting someone who did the vegan diet to cure themselves of cancer convinced me. Now understand there isnt anything special about this book but it is one of many that can give good direction. http://www.amazon.com/Natural-Strategies-For-Cancer-Patients/dp/0758202210