(Part 3) Top products from r/dating

I’m sure! I can only imagine the differences between the two of you just based on your religious backgrounds. It will take patience and compromise for certain.

Take my advice as you will but I will tell you this. I used to believe it just took love or commitment to make a relationship work. Well, I was seriously incorrect and that ended up with me getting a divorce. I have learned as now I am in a tremendously successful relationship that having things in common is one of the most important things. Shared interests in particular. You can have different beliefs but you both must be willing to compromise and meet in the middle. You both need to want the same things or again be willing to compromise. Otherwise one person ends up being resentful and bitter or both. Just make sure beyond the alcohol issue you both can find yourselves on the same page! Talk about parenting and how you want to raise your children. Make sure he’s going to be the type of father you want for them if you both do want children.

This may be a good book for the two of you if you decide to marry! The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say "I Do" https://www.amazon.com/dp/1585426210/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_xP5VBbJK8BWTJ

I’ve read it with my current partner and we found ourselves on the same page which was quite reassuring! Good luck to you and your love!

We can all struggle with that, so it is a normal thing to question our own value in my opinion. It's not normal in that situation to "realize" you are of "no value" and then trust that realization without reference... This is the equivalent of asking a dog about quantum theory and trusting the answer, but inside our heads this is what we in effect do. The emotional feeling of being worthless barks at our intellect, and our intellect interprets this as a truth, absurd when analyzed, so disregard it.

The Drama of the Gifted Child may be a good book to look at for you, interesting perspectives.

The moral emotions is an interesting read about why anger (or despair) can be so addicting and seem so "right" when it is happening.

The Happiness Hypothesis also by Jonathan Haidt is a great read about our emotions vs our intellect...

Tribe is a good read on finding where you fit, more related to soldiers and post combat, but apply it to your current situation and find your tribe.

Glad you are still with us, and no matter what you feel, you are not alone.

Edit: authors name from autocorrect purgatory...

Again, by belittling and dismissing the information we give you do yourself no favors. You don't need to agree with it. You don't need to follow it. But admitting that is our experience will help you.

> but to be able to gauge a guy's real feelings for me. I have very little actual interest in committing to a guy who's with me because he has NO better option. I want to find something REAL, not necessarily a relationship.

Empathy will help you understand/gague his perspective. Baring that ask him directly (words are awesome like that). Just understand that from his perspective you are asking for a commitment from him. Even if you don't see it that way.

> So I want to know when a guy hesitates, why? He cannot trust me yet? He doesn't feel all that much for me yet but doesn't want to lose the sex? He doesn't even know what he feels yet because he's not in tune with his feelings? Is there someone else he prefers and would like to be with but he doesn't have the chance with her?

You will need to ask him, and listen. I'd reccomend The good man project for some reading. It's targeted at men, but it might illuminate some of the s.h.i.t. we have to deal with on a daily basis, things that haunt us for years even when we don't realize it. Things that simply doesn't exist for you. It may help you bridge the gap of understanding why he's hesitating, and how difficult it is for us to handle feelings.

And to say it simply: Yes, it is entirely possible that he can't trust you. Possibly through no fault of your own - but through the experiences he's had up until that point. The Speed of Trust for more on trust.

> My mind makes up a million different reasons, and the course of action for each is different. If a guy doesn't feel that much yet, I could maybe stick around and work on our bond. If a guy just sort of wants me around because he cannot get what he really wants yet, I would like to hightail out of there.

Communication is key. Relate those things to him, and listen when he responds. Also understand that your wants and needs will change over time. The you of 10 years ago is different than the you of today, and is different than the you of 10 years from now. And the same applies for him.

You sound like you are throwing in the towel, which I did for two years after 22 years of no action and much, much frustration. So I'm just gonna recommend three books that helped me out. I highly, highly recommend the first. The second is what got me out of my funk. These two books helped me understand women where before I frankly didn't know shit. The third one is great for confidence/self esteem, which can help anyone.

The Way of the Superior Man

How to be a 3% Man

6 Pillars of Self Esteem

I am aware of how cringey/snake oil'sy some of these books come off as(especially How to be a 3% Man), but they are good.

Edit: And if you aren't going to read any of this stuff, at least do yourself a favor and work on improving your posture. It makes a huge difference in how people respond to you.

>I don’t get off from it and find it painful if I’m not properly lubricated.

Stop messing around with guys who don't know what they are doing and neither of those will be a problem. And I don't mean just in bed,...I mean not knowing what they are doing over all in general. This happens because you are just not that into the guy,...and most of the time that is the guy's fault.

I don't know of any material directly addressing this. But this one book includes some of this. If nothing else it will help you understand yourself better and more importantly will help you know the difference between biological drives and psychological/emotional drives and how the two work in tandem within you. It is important to read the introduction at the beginning of the book to grasp it's purpose before getting into the rest of the book. I am currently working my way through the book right now.

https://www.amazon.com/Sperm-Wars-Infidelity-Conflict-Bedroom/dp/1560258489

I don't have online source, it's hard to find because, i think, of the new age movement and other bullshit.

Those two are good, i would recommend the first one

https://www.amazon.fr/Inner-Work-Dreams-Imagination-Personal/dp/0062504312/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1551133202&sr=8-1&keywords=inner+work+robert+A+johnson

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https://www.amazon.fr/Meeting-Shadow-Connie-Zweig/dp/087477618X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1551133078&sr=8-1&keywords=meeting+the+shadow

Who the hell is Christian and Anastasia, and who cares? Some dude showing up at my work without my invite would piss me off. That’s some stalker creepy bullshit.

Just did a search… I think you’re talking about 50 shades, which is a terrible example of how to ‘be a man. I haven’t seen the book or the entire movie but I’ve seen clips & enough reviews and commentary regarding that content to see how toxic it is. The BDSM practices are not safe, sane, or consensual the dude exhibits abusive, controlling, manipulative, and stalking behavior. It’s shit twilight fanfic that turned into a readers digest kink curious fap fest. A fantasy is all that it should ever be. Not a blueprint on how to ‘be a man’ or how to have a relationship, let alone a kink based relationship.

And if has nothing to do with OP’s situation. She reached out to him. That doesn’t put him under obligation to show her interest (let alone become a manipulative controlling fucknut from a fantasy novel)

I would strongly suggest you research how to properly have kink & dom/sub relationships. You appear to think that that’s something to strive for… so yeah. Here’s an article and here’s a book to get you started. Spoiler: communication is paramount and it’s the sub that sets the limit. Not the top


Don’t use shit novels and shit movies as a blueprint for good relationships. Just… don’t.

M30 here
I remember when I had the same issue, I got a book on the history of the Samurai. I brought a highlighter and sticky notes to a cafe and tabbed the hell out of that book. I noted every clan, every distinction of the clan, famous swordmakers, beheading "showings". I took to those stories to heart. Those men exhibited such amazing discipline that I wanted to follow suit.

Aaaaaaand, when I met up with the chick, i would have the book in my bag. Eventually, she saw the book that was tabbed to hell. BOOM. She thought that was sexy as hell (don't stage it/force her to see it). She KNOWS that you have greater ambitions in life. That is pure catnip. ~10 years later and I still have that book. She isn't around, but that book is, and it is still catnip.

The trick is to maintaining a schedule time to devour the book. When she asks to hang out during that time (and she will target that time), tell her that you are a bit busy during that scheduled time. Say, "How about afterwards?"

Other good books about discipline:

Rules for a Knight

Man's search for meaning

Also, turn off your ringer/vibrate on your phone. Put that phone in a backpack. It took me until 23 to figure that one out. Ignore the phone. Why does she need an immediate response? She doesn't.
If she gets frustrated, she will take it out on you sexually. No joke. She will fight for your attention. Just keep up with that book. Even if you do get your intended reaction from her. You put that book down and you'll be worried all over again. Not fun, is it?

If she is really young, she might try to make you jealous. If that is the case, she is bad news. I doubt that you will get here, but it is a red flag to remember. Find another girl who will see that tabbed book. Profit$$$