(Part 2) Top products from r/lonely

I wrote a big thing but I wasn't happy with it so deleted it. So here are two things:

1. You are making the right choices. Keep them up. Keep bettering yourself. Happiness isn't just something people attain, it's something people constantly pursue. I can not recommend studying philosophy enough. It changed my life; it will change yours. Is it difficult? Yes. Is it worth it? Immeasurably, in my opinion. I'd go so far as to say that it has for the first time in a decade allowed me to actually deal with my anxiety and depression, in a way that nothing else I have ever done has. I would start here and here. The price is right and I, at least, find the paper copies superior to computer versions. If it's on the computer, I won't read them. If it's on my night table, I will. I know you go to school; so do I. Free time is valuable, but me not feeling like shit all the time is more valuable. Get up an hour earlier and read that shit. Just for an hour to start your day. Before you know it you'll be done both books.
   
   
2. You're fucking fantastic bud. Stop telling yourself otherwise, and start acting FUCKING FANTASTIC. Friday is in a couple of days: go to a coworker you like with a big smile on your face and say "Today has been a fantastic day, wouldn't you say?" And leave at that. Has today been the worst day you've had in months? Doesn't matter, because you know what? They're going to smile right back at you and agree. Worst case scenario is you made someone smile today. Well done. Hell, they might even ask if you want to grab a beer. Don't bitch, don't complain. Positives only from now on pal. Positives and studying fucking philosophy. If they ask you a question and you can only think of something negative to say? Not a worry. Just say not great, but it's getting better because you are actively working on it. And that's not a lie, that's the truth. Don't believe me? Reread your post.
   
   Well, that's all I have to say. Best of luck mate.

Innup,

Feels like you could use some time to learn about yourself. Who are you? What do you enjoy? Sounds like you are going to overcommit in the near future (learning + tutoring + volunteering + working + clubs), but are they things you or your mother think you need to do, or things that you truly want to do? Do you feel socially awkward because you're always thinking "I have to make this potential friendship work or I'll never be what my mother wants?"

Did you ever take an Meyers Briggs inventory? It sounds like you have some social anxiety or are a true introvert. If you're uncomfortable in the school environs, do you ever hang out in a quiet coffee shop? Bookstore? Library? Any other places you might be comfortable?

Try this - https://www.16personalities.com/

The question for you to not try to solve is: why does your mother really really want you out there? What emotional desire or need of hers is being fulfilled by your popularity? She's ignoring your own emotional needs in favor of hers.

Setting boundaries with your mother may help the situation, in the long run. Try reading a book on boundaries (like, uhm...Boundaries...https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454/ref=sr_1_1_twi_pap_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1504284879&sr=8-1&keywords=boundaries) and read it.

That's a great question. I'm not a sociologist, but even many researchers will tell you there isn't a single answer for the definitive rise in social isolation. To make some sweeping, general claims, it largely has to do with:

• Moving from tight-knit communities to large cities
  
• More Americans living alone (25% of the US population.)
  
• Less involvement in community institutions (church, synagogue, community centers, supper clubs, etc.) – Bowling Alone is a great read on this.
  
• More controversial, but our reliance on technology for connection. We all have a tendency to conflate surface connections with true intimacy, but the size of your network has no effect on your level of loneliness. Loneliness is better understood by a lack of supportive outlets, instead of simply not being around people. Technology can be great for intimate or surface connections, but social media is generally geared toward the latter.
  
  And right! The study you reference might be the General Social Survey from U Chicago. It's really astounding that it's hard to talk about loneliness publicly, considering the former surgeon general labeled it an epidemic. Hard to believe there can still be a stigma about something affecting so many people.
  
  If you're interested in this, two great books I recommend are The Village Effect and The Lonely American. Both have excellent theories and explanations.

I'm not a phsychologist myself, but I think it's good that you already have someone professional who helps you. Maybe you should tell that person that you have the impression that it's not working, and maybe he or she can suggest you something else to try.

I think that continuing this professional treatment is the would be the first thing to do.

Second: I'm myself a bit skeptical about alternative medicine, but it seems that acupuncture can have a stabilising effect on mental health too. Others get good results with homeopathy or applied kinesiology (although this may simple be a placebo effect, but if this placebo effect helps, why not try it out).

Third: Not sure if it's a thing for you: I've myself started with meditation recently. There are meanwhile several studies that show that this can help. It's not easy and the effects are usually very subtle (and may never be very strong), but it might be one component among several. This book helped me to get into this. Apparently there are also specific meditation techniques (and courses on them) to help with anxiety.

> if I were to dissappear I know alot of people would have to adapt because I am always helping everyone,

Consider worrying about yourself for a while instead. This book is often recommended to men that are unsatisfied with their lives and it covers this exactly.

Men today are raised to think IF I help out, IF I'm nice and "follow the rules" then I'll be rewarded. The problem with this, though, is there ends up taking situations where you help everyone with the intention of receiving some reward, when you should be helping because it's rewarding in and of itself.

Try something different. Say NO. "Hey, Jaeg. I got some rock to move, can you come over this Saturday and bring your truck?" "No, sorry, I'm planning on taking Saturday off. Maybe some other time." Take control of your life and do things for yourself.

^I ^should ^re-read ^that ^book ^now ^that ^I ^think ^about ^it.

I send a big hug out to you. *hug* You are not alone in this.

Little changes in your thoughts and actions will build positive momentum. Remember that thoughts are powerful.

Here's a book I found helpful; https://www.amazon.ca/Mind-Over-Mood-First-Changing/dp/0898621283