Reddit reviews A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God's Gift of Sexual Intimacy

Okay. So it seems like most of the problem stems from her upbringing and views on sex. Maybe something like this could help? Worth a try, probably:

http://www.amazon.com/Celebration-Sex-Enjoying-Sexual-Intimacy/dp/0785264671

You could also think about introducing her to /r/sex. There are a lot of women here who enjoy sex and masturbation. This could help normalize it a bit for her.

Agreed!

OP - if you're not comfortable talking about this in too much detail, if I could encourage you to look into our resources page in the sex section, there's lots of good stuff out there. I've read / glanced through all of these books and they are solid and can help you understand "what can go wrong" so to speak through certain fetishes and sexual behaviors (if this is the issue).

• When Two Become One: Enhancing Sexual Intimacy in Marriage - Chris McCluskey
  
• Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage - Kevin Leman
  
• Intended for Pleasure: Sex Technique and Sexual Fulfillment in Christian Marriage - Ed Wheat M.D
  
• A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God's Gift of Sexual Intimacy - Douglas E. Rosenau
  
  If there's a specific issue you'd like me to look up, I can search them and PM you what the authors have to say on the topic if you'd like.

I don't know what your religious preferences are, but I'd suggest this book. I propose that one because it's really conservative. Otherwise, this one is a bit more all encompassing.

Either way, both books approach sex in a healthy way and can answer a lot of questions. They can introduce her to new ideas and give her a chance to explore the topics on her own.

Porn isn't for even one, and if she really doesn't like the idea, then continued encouragement might start to seem like pressure. I'd suggest stepping back and exploring some sex education books like the ones above. That way you can evaluate your sexual expression as a whole rather than just look for new positions or techniques to try.

> I think she feels guilt over doing anything sexual

This is one of the most damaging parts of the Purity Movement. It (mostly unintentionally, I hope) tends to ascribe all sexual thoughts and feelings as Dirty, and leaves people full of shame and guilt over natural human feelings.

The worst part: Getting married will not change this feeling of guilt. It has to be dealt with, confronted, changed. Maybe seeing a pastor will help, but many of them will just want to reinforce the "You're not married yet, stay pure" vibe, and virtually none will want to get into actual issues of sexuality and shame.

A psychologist should be the better support person, but they unfortunately don't have the spiritual authority (in the mind of the shamed) to pardon the religious side of the shame.

It took my wife over a decade of intentional work to get past it. Sometimes it still crops up. I fight it some, too, but because I rejected everything related to Christianity for a time before coming back, I was always more ready to throw out the "from people" issues of religion when they were harmful.

What you can do:

• Start reading books on married sexuality now. I'd start here and here and here. I've heard this one may be decent for her, but can't speak to it personally.
  
• Start talking through what sex will look like when you are married at the end of the year. If this doesn't get awkward and, uh, warming, you are not doing it right.
  
• Ask her how she thinks the guilt feelings will change after the ceremony. Talk through how to start to confront the feelings now so that your wedding night is the bliss she probably imagines. Ask what you can do to facilitate that, and be prepared to do things that are difficult for you.
  
• Be prepared for it to take a while. It's ok if it does. Remind yourself that physical intimacy is just one layer of this relationship, and that the others matter. And know that making the other layers of intimacy stronger will help with the physical intimacy.

It sounds like both of you have a lot of shame surrounding your sexuality. You need to let it go. Guilt is a helpful feeling; our guilt helps us recognize when we've done something wrong, and bugs us until we've made it right, or done our best to do so. Then we should stop feeling guilty. Shame, on the other hand, is just an ugly little voice that tells us we're not good enough as we are, that our humanity is dirty and bad and that we have no right to be who we are. God doesn't want us to be ashamed, He wants us to recognize when we've done wrong, repent and forgive ourselves as He forgives us. There are a great number of books out there that might help you; here's an example. You and your wife have all of your years ahead of you to work together on this issue, and it can be resolved but you have to set aside your feelings of shame.

Have you tried reading anything about it? Has she? Does she see this as a problem, or is she fine with the status quo?

This book is a pretty comprehensive guidebook for sex and how to begin a sexual journey with your spouse.

I would recommend trying to find a counciler that you both can trust to help her talk about it. The Religion isn't the problem, its her thoughts that are off. There are a lot of goofy misconceptions about Christianity and sex, so I would try and help her unravel those. Perhaps some reading would help. I am reading [A Celebration of Sex])http://www.amazon.com/Celebration-Sex-Enjoying-Sexual-Intimacy/dp/0785264671) with my fiance, and I found it to be very helpful. There are some parts of it that are a bit corny, but overall I think it could help her and you out.