Reddit reviews Bad Childhood-Good Life: How to Blossom and Thrive in Spite of an Unhappy Childhood

Bad Childhood-Good Life: How to Blossom and Thrive in Spite of an Unhappy Childhood
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060577878/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_LZ9BDb6CSJAAM

I just want to say I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you everything will be ok. You are operating from such a place of fear and feeling unsafe. It's almost like PTSD from your childhood. Never feeling safe, never feeling ok. And it just keeps perpetuating itself. When a parent should have been there to teach you, "hey it's ok, it will all work out, you are doing a good job, just keep going, you'll be fine". They weren't there. So you never received that essential reassurance.

And none of it is your fault that you are having this difficulty. Can you find a way to confide in your girlfriend? It may help.

As for what to tell the Dr.- I think you might consider showing him your post. I don't think you sound crazy at all-- you just sound like you are hurting and need to reach out for help (which is very brave).

You don't have to keep living in the shadow of your childhood. Here's a book for you-

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0060577878?pc_redir=1411845038&robot_redir=1

I'm not sure what the library system is like where you are, but maybe look for some books on the subject. There are probably some online as well.

When I was in your shoes, someone recommended the Dr. Laura Book, Bad Childhood, Good Life. It was helpful to me at the time. Until then, I thought she was sort of annoying to watch on TV, to be honest. http://www.amazon.com/Bad-Childhood---Good-Life-Blossom-Childhood/dp/0060577878/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1373927708&sr=1-3&keywords=dr+laura

I have not read this one, but others like it:
Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthough Program to End Negative Behavior...and Feel Great Again
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0452272041/ref=cm_cr_asin_lnk

The best advice a therapist ever gave me: Stop being your own Big Bad Wolf. It's no longer about your parents and what they did. It's about you being too hard on yourself about what you could have done to prevent what happened to you.

Happy Birthday, you're now a man.

• Congratulate yourself, you have shown resilience, motive, and self-respect
  
• Read Bad Childhood, Good Life
  
• Make your bed daily
  
• Go to bed, and get out of bed at the same time daily
  
• Take up a team sport (Meetup)
  
• Walk 3 miles min daily
  
• Hang out with positive, driven, friends (Meetup if none)
  
• Don't complain: write down 10 potential solutions for each complaint, pick the easiest most direct step to improve your situation
  
• Diet: Visualise soda, fast food, and sugary foods as 'the opposition' trying to fuck you over, don't give in
  
• Environment: remove/ignore/minimise what doesn't serve you in your progress, only let in what does
  
• Forgive and move on: you are a man now, be mentally independent
  

/r/raisedbynarcissists/ may be helpful

https://www.amazon.com/Bad-Childhood-Good-Life-Blossom-Childhood/dp/0060577878 may be helpful

finally achieving adulthood and getting the heck out of there may be helpful

IF if if if your parents are better now, then do try to at least be civil to them. They both love you in their own way, but they have obviously some personal issues that prevent showing it properly. Ask them to put you in counseling because you obviously have some things to work through, and they may not be the ones to help with it.

After what you described - I don't see how you can think you are at fault/ in the wrong. Give it a day when you have calmed down. Then, re-read your original post. Look at it closely... Does that sound like something a loving parent would do? Sometimes, it is easier to look at other people's problems instead of your own... If you had a friend who came and told you this story - what advice would you give them...

I have not read this book, but it has been recommended to me by someone once. Maybe you should check it out: https://www.amazon.com/Bad-Childhood-Good-Life-Blossom-Childhood/dp/0060577878

Understanding that there are always details in these situations...however, regardless of all those details, short of your either one abusing the other or the kids, your parents are lost in their dislike of one another to the point of not realizing how selfish they are being. Well at least one of them, show ever is insisting on the divorce, obviously if they both want it they are both being selfish.

Like I already said, aside from the exceptions your parents have a sworn DUTY to FIND a way to satay together till the youngest is 18. I can't stress this enough...THIS IS THEIR DUTY and one or both are FAILING to follow through. You are of age to have this conversation with them, an honest and CALM ADULT conversation. IF you're unable to do that a intelligent letter will also get your point across. REMEMBER...HONEST not bitter.


As for the rest of your stemming issues...there really is no way to figure all that out now, it may end up being just one of those things you'll have to go through when/if it happens. They will have to worry and figure out how to address the situation with your brother...that IN FACT is NOT your problem. DON'T misunderstand, I don't me don't give a fuck...I mean it's actually is NOT your responsibility. IF the divorce comes to be...BE a good brother, help him with dealing with it. Show him how to deal with it, YOU be the example for him...how to be strong, how to NOT lose your self in the difficulty. Be his BIG brother.

Lastly, as for the money your dad gave to his friend...all he has to say is that he gave it to him or lent it, I don't think there is a way to get that back. ( of course I'm NOT a lawyer so I could be very wrong ) As for the bank money, I can't imagine that a good lawyer wouldn't be able to get his hands on that. UK isn't some 3rd world shit-hole.


I'm sorry for you and wish the millions of selfish parents would stop and think about what they are doing when they divorce with minor kids. It's shameful but it's a reality. One last FACT...having said what I said about the act of divorcing with minor children, the FACT is it's NOT the end of the world and YOU as well as YOUR brother can grow up and have NORMAL lives. I would urge you to pick this book up, I honestly think it can be a life saver, especially for your brother.

http://www.amazon.com/Bad-Childhood-Good-Life-Blossom-Childhood/dp/0060577878


I wish you all the best, but I don't wish you luck...you don't need it, all you need is to make the right CHOICES...remember there are ALWAYS choices, your parents have them and so do YOU.