Reddit reviews Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex

For real though, that book is Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex by Mary Roach and it’s actually really good.

• Naked Statistics by Charles Wheelan is a great overview of the science of statistics, without being too much like a lecture. After reading it, you'll have a better understanding of what statistics are just silly (like in ads or clickbait news) and what are actually important (like in scientific studies).
  
  
• You on a Diet by Roizen and Oz is touted as a diet book, and it kind of is. I recommend it because it's a great resource for basic understanding the science behind the gastrointestinal system, and how it links to the brain.
  
  
• All of Mary Roach's books are excellent overviews of science currently being done, I've read Stiff (the science of human bodies, post-mortem), Spook ("science tackles the afterlife"), Packing for Mars (the science of humans in space), and Bonk (sex), and they are all very easy to understand, but scientifically appropriate. I'm sure "Gulp" is good too, although I haven't read that one yet.
  
  
• "How I Killed Pluto and Why It Had It Coming" by Mike Brown is a great, accessible overview of exactly why Pluto was demoted to dwarf planet, told by the man who started the controversy.
  
  
• "A Brief History of Time" by Stephen Hawking is a little denser, material-wise, but still easy to understand (as far as theoretical physics goes, at least!). Hawking explains the history of physics and the universe, as well as the future of the discipline. While there is a bit more jargon than some pop-science books, I think an entry-level scientist can still read and understand this book.
  

I believe it can be useful in the context of measuring arousal for studies for researchers looking into human sexuality. See also: the vaginal photoplethysmograph. But the researchers take the results with a grain of salt because they know that physical arousal and how aroused/interested a person actually feels are not always correlated.

For a highly entertaining and yet very informative look at the world of sex research I recommend Bonk by Mary Roach.

>I don’t regret having one, just extremely ashamed of being sexual and communicating it to girls and also showing it to the world. Attracting girls’ attention and whatnot isn’t very hard but progressing things to dating, holding hands and eventually sex is impossible. I can’t even call them or message them on Facebook or Whatsapp because I just feel like an idiot for doing so. Making a move in clubs and bars is also difficult although I once got close to leaving with a girl but she didn't want to. I got made fun of a lot growing up for not having a girlfriend and this made me feel like i do not deserve one. It doesn't matter if I've got the green light to go ahead I just feel really ashamed do it. Even something like looking at a fit girl wearing a short skirt makes me feel bad for checking her out and that I shouldn’t be doing it.


I know what you mean. I've been there myself, but even when I was there I was entirely self-aware of my shame and I was skeptical of the validity of my emotional reactions; I realized they were ingrained. Being aware of your emotional reactions allows you to be emotionally proactive. Your sex-negative problem is mostly an emotional issue, and not much else, right? I've been there. I wouldn't doubt that you are also decent looking and have both latent and actualized social skills. Most intelligent introverts have a lot of potential to be who they want to be because they know themselves more deeply than others. You must use your introverted nature to your advantage and recognize the differences in others and yourself. In all honesty, there are an infinite number of unwritten rules; everyone's abstract/emotional logic is different. Many of them are foundational and predictable, however; including yours and mine. Like anything else, being emotionally predictable is not a black/white issue. It is a grey area, and you have to balance your reliability with creativity.


Being made fun of for not having a girlfriend is just as sexist as being made fun of for not having a boyfriend; gender equal too. Were you ever shamed for not having a boyfriend? It's clearly a matter of groupthink and extroverted style; not for everyone. Dating relationships, for extroverts especially, are often attention-getting and showy. They wear their relationships like trophies won. Usually introverts prefer a more private relationship because they have less social desire and are often shamed because of it. Introverts are “themselves” more often in private. Extroverts are “themselves” more often in public. There is no shame deserved either way, regardless of popular opinion. Both styles have their strengths and weaknesses, and you should try to introject some of the traits that you enjoy in others; regardless of type. That is how you become balanced.


>I’m receiving counselling from a pastor who advocates the whole “no sex before marriage” thing and believes that people should only date to get married and sex is only for making kids which is stupid IMO because I do not plan on getting married anytime soon.


Counseling from a Catholic pastor? Watch out, that is one of the most notorious sex-negative societies out there. They own the abstinence-only charade while they parade horribles. Marriage is not the answer to anything; it is an institution of the state. Anything else attached is sentimental.


If you haven't already, I recommend doing an in-depth study of animal sexual behaviors; especially the most intelligent animals. All animals have sex for pleasure, but some animals are only driven to have sex at certain times of the year; humans are on a 24/7 system.


>I’ve tried the no fap route and gotten very high days counts but that hasn’t really helped me at all.


Sexual frustration doesn't help anyone. If you are mindful, then you can use your libido to further your goals, but it is not an all-cure.


>Got any sources to help overcome sex-negative perspectives? I’m interested in recreational sex not baby making sex.


Absolutely. I recommend starting with actual sex science and learning about male and female psychology and neurology. Then work your way into reading about sex culture. You should also study developmental psychology as you will probably need the clinical context in order to objectively self-evaluate your childhood influences; it is necessary for self-therapy. The best therapy will always be self-therapy; no one will ever know you better than yourself.


Evolutionary Science and Morals Philosophy:

The Selfish Gene

The Moral Landscape

The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined

Justice: What's The Right Thing To Do?


Sex Psychology, Science, and Neurology:

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex

The Female Brain

The Male Brain

Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love

What Do Women Want

Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between)

Sex: The world's favorite pastime fully revealed


Behavioral Psychology and Abstract Economics:

How Pleasure Works

Freakonomics

Quiet: The Power of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking

Thinking Fast And Slow

We Are All Weird


Developmental Psychology:

Nurture Shock

Hauntings: Dispelling The Ghosts That Run Our Lives


Empathy Building:


Half The Sky

The House On Mango Street

Me Before You

The Fault In Our Stars

Also check out James Hollis' Understanding The Psychology of Men lecture if you can find it.



Movies: XXY, Tom Boy, Dogtooth, Shame, Secretary, Nymphomaniac, Juno, Beautiful Creatures, and The Man From Earth.



All of these things are related, but it is up to you to make the connections; pick and choose which material suits your interests best. These are the things that came to mind first, and they have all influenced my perspectives.

Mary Roach devotes a chapter to this in a book about sex.

Mary Roach, the author of Bonk, and her husband had sex in an MRI machine. Video of this can be found by googling.

If you like stories like this you should check out Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex. Turns out we've had a lot of weird theories about sex and done some weirder things to test them.

Written by Mary Roach who is hilarious and has other great books! I recommend these in particular:

Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex

Gulp: Adventures on the Alimentary Canal

Mary Roach! Mary Roach Mary Roach!

Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex

Packing of Mars: The Curious Science of Life in the Void

I can't recommend these highly enough. Mary Roach is the most engaging, funny science writer I've read.

Also [A Natural History of the Senses by Diane Ackerman]http://www.amazon.com/Natural-History-Senses-Diane-Ackerman/dp/0679735666/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1323874194&sr=1-1

I really enjoyed reading the Dresden Files, especially at the beginning of the series. I think the thing that appealed to me most was the down on his luck noir style detective but with so much more going on. Wouldn't it be awesome if you could just look up a wizard in your local phone book when you needed a little magical help. Plus there was just enough romance, friendship, and character development to make it engaging at all times. I know why he does it but the only thing that mildly annoys me is his use of nearly the exact same paragraphs in all of his novels; if I read the description of the blue beetle one more time I might pull my hair out, but it makes sense...

I have many books on my wishlist. I would really like Bonk, a book about the science behind sex. It is on my $10-20 wishlist. Any book would be great though and they are scattered through almost every section of my wishlist.

Item which would most make you seem like an old posh Englishman: [English Breakfast Tea]
(http://www.amazon.com/dp/B009G3TTFE/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pd_nS_ttl?_encoding=UTF8&colid=3NIR7XNNTJ5ID&coliid=I2ODUGYQIFKWR4)? (Coffee & Tea Things)


Most "oh god, I would never be seen with this in public" looking item: Bonk (Books!) Maybe I would, but I would giggle if people looked at me reading it.


Most geeky item: Is Hamlet geeky? :D (Random Mix)

> I did not want to know about Ginny and her boyfriend and their travails with Ginny’s clamping vagina. I would be seeing her at the magazine’s holiday party in a few weeks, and now I’d be thinking clamping vagina, clamping vagina, clamping vagina as we dipped celery sticks and chatted about our work.

-Mary Roach, Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex

And the Inuit use them as war clubs.

Got through that chapter last week! Great read!

http://www.amazon.com/Bonk-The-Curious-Coupling-Science/dp/0393334791

To be honest I learned a lot from reading She Comes First, the first half of the book is about your anatomy and the second half is about potential approaches you might enjoy :)

Conversely, he made another book for pleasuring the penis called Passionista with a similar layout.


If you like reading about sex, this one is pretty damn good too: Bonk

Reading about sex is fun because you not only do you get to learn more about yourself and/or your partner, but also some fun mechanics and potential exposure to things you might like to try.

Mary Roach is great. I also loved her books ["Bonk"] (http://www.amazon.com/Bonk-The-Curious-Coupling-Science/dp/0393334791/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1409258621&sr=8-7&keywords=mary+roach) (about sex-related research) and ["Spook"] (http://www.amazon.com/Spook-Science-Afterlife-Mary-Roach/dp/0393329127/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1409258592&sr=8-6&keywords=mary+roach) (about research into the paranormal).

I would start off with Stiff and then Bonk. I liked Spook but on amazon it doesn't have as good of reviews as the others so I'd read that one later if you aren't as interested in it. I've yet to read packing for mars but if it's anything like her other books, it's wonderful.

> ... and totally not known even remotely enough in general.

I think this is one of the reasons I'm so open about recommending his work. He seems to have the ability to take topics that most people may not be exposed to and make them comprehensible. It's similar to the way I feel about Mary Roach in books like Stiff, Bonk, and Gulp.

Along with that, Bryson has some purely entertaining works like A Walk in the Woods, Notes From a Small Island, and The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid: A Memoir that are just a joy to read. I guess I'll stop now because I'm starting to feel like shill.

Edit: spelling is hard.

"Excuse me ma'am, may I touch your bosom?" isn't as sexy as saying "I want to eat you out until the neighbors start banging on the wall", "how do you want me to fuck you?" or saying "I want you to tell me what dirty things you want me to do to your body." Its imagination that's the limiting factor to thinking past only being able to say "Can I touch your tit?"

As for the awkwardness, a staple response to the frequent "I'm about to lose my virginity" posts on here is the "It'll be awkward at first, but it'll get better." This isn't any different. But being able to discuss awkward things like consent, wants, needs, and limits makes it much more likely to actually get the things you want.

We can take a note from the kink and queer worlds. In Bonk (good book if you're curious, but it's not an instruction manual if that's what you're looking for,more about sexuality than sex, and the culture of it), the biggest take home point for implementation that I found comes in the last chapter, in fact in the last 10 min (I use audiobooks). It discusses Masters and Johnson and comparison of heterosexual, gay, and lesbian couples' sex and the pleasure derived from it and they specifically point out about how much easier the homosexual couples discuss their sex, and how that is reflected in their sex by much more pleasure observed.

Define ages ago? 5 years or 50 years? Because it wasn't until closer to 22 years ago that marital rape became illegal everywhere in the US and the UN declared it a violation of human rights. Granted that the movement started in the 70's-ish. But before then wives, as property of their husbands, didn't have the agency to refuse sex. You state that guys would've figured it out before now, what if we're figuring it out now?

Currently on my list and in no way expected to last out the month, much less the summer:

Stiff: The Curious lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach. This is one of the toughest books I've ever read, barring anything by Dickens. One chapter on something like crash test dummies or organ donors will be OK, then I read two pages of the history of human head transplants involving some French Fuck who cut dog's heads off and sewed them onto other dogs and I've got to put it down for a few hours.

Bonk: the Curious Coupling of Science and Sex, also by Mrs. Roach. I certainly hope to find this more enjoyable than the one about cadavers.

And finally, A Dance with Dragons, book 5 of George R. R. Martin's Song of Ice and Fire / Game of Thrones series. Which, if the first four are any indication, promises to be a heady mix of both of the first two books on the list.

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex: Mary Roach ...

It's a pretty complex question with lots of psychology behind the answer. There have been numerous studies done about penis size and the corresponding effects on men's psyche, which I would say can maybe shed some objective light on the issue, if you're actually interested in reading up on it. Here and here are alright places to start, and if you really want to get in to the relationship between psychology and sex, I would highly recommend the book Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex by Mary Roach, which goes in to lots of issues and the corresponding research that was done on it. It's fascinating, but also a bit of black hole for your time.

The study that generated the data using a plethysmograph on female genitalia found the most response from the smell of cucumber and good & plenty.

I orginally read it in Mary Roach's Bonk

Apparently it was from a study in 1998 by Hirsch.

I recommend Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex

Hey! So tonight I had a friend recommend this to me. I have not read it, but it seems interesting, and I thought of you! Not sure if it's exactly what you want, but it's worth a shot. Glad to hear you liked the other book :)

The Black Swan sorry, no not the Natalie Portman movie

The Red Queen

Bonk