Reddit reviews Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships
We found 5 Reddit comments about Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
So on the /r/ChristianMarriage sub, we have a resources page that hits lots of the top names across the Christian romantic relationships spectrum. The problem with dating books is that dating is such a transient status in the Christian world that you're not going to find much written specifically about dating beyond viewing it as a means of getting you into a marriage or protecting you from marrying someone who's not a good match for you. This said, I honestly would recommend engagement books as a good starting place.
This said, I've heard good / great things about these:
Here's the thing - healthy attracts healthy, drama attracts drama, unhealthy attracts unhealthy. People don't generally go more than 1-2 points above/below where they are at (see link below for scales).
How emotionally/relationally healthy are you? Self-aware? Mature? BOUNDARIES to know what are problems you're responsible for vs others? Do you have a 'rescuer' complex where you want to be the protector of a girl in need?
I'd also advise looking over your enneagram and see where you fall in the levels of health for your type. Counseling and other personal growth are essential to changing your path (it takes WORK just like getting into physical shape, getting into emotional/relational shape takes time).
IME people can grow 1 level of health per year (and that's with dedicated work b/c changing thinking patterns/habits takes a long time). So if you're currently a Level 4-5, you're picking up girls who are 5-6 (or even 7). You need to be a 3 at least to have a healthy, stable relationship.
Enneagram Types:
https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-descriptions/
Click to learn your type. Also examine what in your family's history might have set you up to be attracted to women with major issues. Are your other relatives codependent? How do they handle boundaries? Here's a book on boundaries in dating: https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Dating-Healthy-Choices-Relationships-ebook/dp/B000SEHPZG
Cloud and Townsend, Boundaries in Dating.
> I think sometimes he doesn't know how much his words sting.
No, he doesn't. And if I know a thing or two from my own experiences as well as general human behavior, his feelings died/were dying at least 1-2 months ago, if not earlier, and he just hid it all that time (which is what the person with the waning feelings always does—so it's not just him), for the sake of tradition/comfort/familiarity/desire to avoid conflict.
It looks like he did this too long and now it just burst at a terrible time. But also, a year is just a number. If a year was 337 days, you would have reached that arbitrary "goal" already. So it's not a big deal to not "reach" a number. I mean, heck, that's already longer than mine was!
> He says things like "we probably won't know each other in 10 years" and stuff like that, not knowing how much it hurts and stings me.
Thaaaaaaaaaaaat's a super-red flag. That's atrocious, even. If your SO is saying things that even a platonic friend wouldn't say, I'd high-tail it outta there immediately, or at least bluntly say "wut" to his face and crucify the issue on the spot. In my opinion, relationships teach you to just be blunt about everything. As Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend of the fabulous book Boundaries in Dating insist: "Nip it in the bud." Nail down problems right away as they appear before they grow into more menacing clouds later.
> He makes me laugh, he gives me a safe space whenever I'm sad, he's just fun to be around and makes me feel so good about myself.
That is great stuff. The problem is that he has to feel the same about himself. And if they don't, sometimes people don't always talk or express it or they downright lie/sugarcoat to make the other person feel better. That's why, ever since my breakup, for life, I will always silently yet relentlessly probe other people's personalities to try to anticipate anything that they're not saying. I could probably invest more analysis time into body gestures too, but people are just too different that I think words are king in this regard. But yeah, never ignore flags/signs, never try to force things... occasionally it works but way more often than not, it doesn't. Very sorry about your troubles. You can get through this!
https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Dating-Healthy-Choices-Relationships-ebook/dp/B000SEHPZG/ref=pd_sim_351_2?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B000SEHPZG&pd_rd_r=799a9863-cd81-11e8-9a8b-017d633f01ef&pd_rd_w=hIDdL&pd_rd_wg=WqAgw&pf_rd_i=desktop-dp-sims&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_p=18bb0b78-4200-49b9-ac91-f141d61a1780&pf_rd_r=4JQNYKMP6GDN07NJ01JX&pf_rd_s=desktop-dp-sims&pf_rd_t=40701&psc=1&refRID=4JQNYKMP6GDN07NJ01JX
Check this sample too.