Reddit reviews Designer Relationships: A Guide to Happy Monogamy, Positive Polyamory, and Optimistic Open Relationships
We found 4 Reddit comments about Designer Relationships: A Guide to Happy Monogamy, Positive Polyamory, and Optimistic Open Relationships. Here are the top ones, ranked by their Reddit score.
Designer Relationships A Guide to Happy Monogamy Positive Polyamory and Optimistic Open Relationships
Talk talk talk. That's the secret to any relationship - esp poly.
Poly means different things to different people. There is no one correct way. Poly is what you and partners decide it is. Everyone has different reasons about why they are poly.
Personally, I think that it is cruel to expect everything I want from one person. I have enough love to share and my lovers all have different roles in my life. I tired poly when I was not ready and got consumed by jealousy and relationship drama. We make mistakes and we learn. It takes a LOT of emotional maturity, patience, and trust to be in a healthy poly relationship. Poly is not for everyone and it doesn't need to be. Nothing wrong with monogamy if that's your thing.
I think people are more fascinated with the idea of poly. And reality is not always that glamorous. So many people want a quick peep into the lifestyle. The taboo is alluring. But many people also cannot get over the possessiveness and insecurity. No matter how secure you are in yourself and how strong your relationship is, being in a real life poly situation will bring up insecurities and challenge your relationship. If you both work on it together, you will become more close and trusting of each other. It can also drive a wedge between you both.
I would also suggest any of the the below books.
Can second the idea of you coming along to the Pro Domme at least the first time to watch and maybe understand some, even if it feels super uncomfortable. In my marriage, I'm the kinky one, and he's vanilla. HE actually arranged for us to go see a Pro Domme together... so I could experience irl submission (yummy) and he could watch, learn (get hard, LOL). If she's a good Pro Domme, you can each talk to her in advance, if you like, and tell her some of what is going on. This context was helpful for our session, and she was almost like a sex therapist, too.
Going forward, the good thing about him seeing a Pro Domme is ... that she's a PROfessional. She isn't interested in stealing him from you, building a relationship with him, etc. From a fidelity standpoint, I think it's the safest option for him to fulfill these needs within your marriage.
There are a number of good books about carving out some sort of poly arrangement in a marriage, much like your husband described. One that I thought was good was "Designer Relationships" by Michaels and Johnson.
You might like this book:
Designer Relationships
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