Reddit reviews I'm OK-You're OK

> I would probably be cut off financially

Assume you get no inheritance. You need to become financially independent.

> she mocked me

You parents are behaving like 5yos. There's an old form of therapy called "transactional analysis", and sometimes there is a role reversal where parents are uncontrollable and the kids make the sane decisions.

> within which my parents have removed me from his call list and tried to separate us as much as possible

"If you can't control the person, control the narrative". You must control the narrative. Talk to you brother and see if you can talk to the staff at the psych hospital.

> I can only help myself. I didn’t raise my voice once in therapy. I didn’t say anything mean or hurtful. I simply explained why I felt like I had needed to block my mom even though she knew why and I didn’t owe her an explanation. And she cried and denied everything the entire time.

Perfect response.

> I’m hurting her

> The doctor clearly had no intention of helping me since I wasn’t the one paying


What sort of quack is this doctor? Psychologist or psychiatrist?

Narcissists got to therapy for narcissistic supply, to control the therapist, and be called the victim. Its an opportunity to humiliate you then gloat about it.

> My family has so much money to support me and my brother

No, its a fund to support their perverted abuse addiction. They don't care about you or your brother, they get high from seeing you suffer. Here's how it works:

https://imgur.com/5p70qCf

> Wish me luck

Good luck!. You need it.

> I have tried to help him and get him away from them

The only person you can help is your brother and he seems brainwashed for the moment and deprogramming can take years. You need to get on your feet financially. See if you can offer your brother accommodation ASAP.

My experience with bullies is pretty limited, but in my experience you are correct, and bullies are much more confident those they are bullying. The line that "they're trying to make up for their insecurities" is incorrect. I think I've been a bully before, and it felt pretty good.

If you believe that bullies are actually insecure, consider this. People generally have one of these four outlooks on life: I'm okay and you're okay, I'm okay and you're not okay, I'm not okay and you're okay, or I'm not okay and you're not okay. (Not my idea; borrowed from this book). Can you really imagine someone who thinks they aren't okay bullying someone they think is okay? The normal bully outlook is "I'm okay, and you don't mean a shit to me."

At the very least, bullies act confident. I remember reading a story in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens about a girl who was in some sort of rough situation and didn't have much self-confidence. She described how she first pretended to be confident, and then became genuinely confident. Confidence is very difficult to fake (that's why it's so attractive). It's much easier to act confident if you really are confident. In this girl's quest to act confident, she taught herself to be confident. Being confident and acting confident are mutually supportive.

Another interesting perspective on confidence can be found in this blog post by Scott H. Young, in which he quotes a commenter who states that "you can only have confidence if other people give it to you." This explains why children who are loved by parents, teachers and coaches are likely to be bullies.

Fetishizing self-degradation because of low self-esteem is not healthy. But ignoring the issue once that urge passes will not solve the root of your problems.

Two books I can recommend that might be helpful in confronting these issues from your past:

https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Shame-Binds-Recovery-Classics/dp/0757303234

https://www.amazon.com/Im-OK-Youre-OK-Thomas-Harris/dp/0060724277

> Array parts is the Parent, Adult and Child stuff right?

Yep, that's the array. These are the books I read, in order of liking

Scripts People Live: Transactional Analysis of Life Scripts

https://www.amazon.com/Scripts-People-Live-Transactional-Analysis/dp/0802132103/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1554342946&sr=1-1

TA Today

https://www.amazon.com/Ta-Today-Introduction-Transactional-Analysis/dp/1870244028

Born to Win (awful name, but I liked the Gestalt angle)

https://www.amazon.com/Born-Win-Transactional-Analysis-Experiments/dp/0201590441/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=7YJ1ME1A477MM40Y24XH

I'm Ok - You're OK (a classic, but worst of them all)

https://www.amazon.com/Im-OK-Youre-OK-Thomas-Harris/dp/0060724277/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=SV98QTFFDQEPNXJT0KZ0

TBH, I had a hard time really getting into Transactional Analysis once I understood the basics 1) it got really repetitive 2) I had a hard time mapping it to my experience 3) I'm just not that interested in other people :|

> I feel like they are kind of merged. Does this make sense?

Makes total sense. I've had a few therapists try different ego state work on me and we never got anywhere. Parts? I don't have parts. I have... me. Finally one of them explained a PD like schizoid doesn't have an cohesive sense of self + without that solid, "centered" stance, it's hard to grasp the parts/whole relationship between parts. Or something like that. In the end, we gave up. Goes back to object relations, if you want a deep dive into all things schizoid.

FWIW, in TA terms I'm almost all Adult with a little Parent (the crappy parts of my mom). Have yet to find much child in there which is incredibly schizoid of me.

As I mentioned above (but repeating here in case you don't see it), I found the book I'm OK, You're OK to be helpful in getting over my toxic mom. Might work for you too.

> Dialogue without Truth is just two people lying together and to each other.

i am reminded of this 'classic' pop psychology pap

Its not name calling - like all my other posts here. it's insight. OP would benefit from Eric Berne's Transactional Analysis which is based on good old fashioned Freudian psychotherapy. Within a particular discourse, the participants take on ego states of parent, adult or child.

I suggest OP and her husband read I'm OK You're Ok.

What do you suggest I should post - that the husband not put the wife and kids first?

Learn about Transactional Analysis. Thomas Harris's I'm OK--You're OK is a good primer. It will help to explain why conversations (transactions) go wrong and what to do about it. It really works, and I could see how it played out in the marital arguments that two close friends used to have.

In the end, though, you have to decide whether the friendship is worth salvaging.