Best books about happiness according to redditors

We found 3,794 Reddit comments discussing the best books about happiness. We ranked the 814 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.

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Top Reddit comments about Happiness Self-Help:

u/kathalytic · 1420 pointsr/AskReddit

A few books on personal relations don't hurt either. My younger self needed to stand up for herself more, and in better ways.

Edit: Several people are asking for recommendations. These are some I have found extremely helpful:

I have a few I really recommend:

Thanks for the Feedback is one of the best I have read that incorporates info I have heard from other books all in one place with practical examples. If I could give a copy of this book to every person on earth I would. (The same people wrote a book called Difficult Conversations, but I have yet to read that.)

Edit to add Consious Business. This is the one I meant to add as the second recommendation; it is mostly about working with others in business but really applies to working with anyone in all relationships.

Emotional Intelligence is another I recommend, giving guidance on how to understand emotions. (Read this, then go re-watch Inside Out.)

10% Happier is an exploration into meditation as a non-spiritual thing. See Dan's video.

59 Seconds is about little things we can do to make our lives better (all science study based).

And Stumbling on Happiness is about understanding our own motivations better (also research study based).

Some of these books are clearly about "self help" but understanding ourselves is a key to understanding our interactions with others. And I try to only recommend books that are based in science and research.

I also like Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg, Incognito by David Eagleman, The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, How Children Succeed by Paul Tough, The Hidden Brain by Shankar Vedantam, Nudge by Richard Thaler, and Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahnerman. Oh, and anything by Malcom Gladwell; I may not always agree with him, but he is thought provoking and well researched. (I have an Audible account and have found that a good way to get through books while doing other things like exercise, long car trips, or cleaning the house.)

More Adds; Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely, The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz, Nurture Shock by Po Bronson, My Age of Anxiety by Scott Stossel, Far From The Tree by Andrew Solomon, The Charisma Myth by Olivia Cabane, How We Learn by Benedict Carey, and I generally like anything by the Freakanomics guys.

Edit: And thank you kind stranger for the gold!

If anyone would like to make recommendations to me based on the above list, please do so! I always have a growing reading queue :-)

u/Shrinking-Nox · 632 pointsr/explainlikeimfive

I'm a doctoral candidate in clinical psych and a therapist, so here's my two cents on this phenomena. Please remember that this information is a generalization based off of existing research and observation of humans--there are always exceptions to any rule.

One thing I often tell my patients is that we notice negative events more often because the positive stuff is happening all the time. Think of it like bad reviews on Yelp. Most of the time, if you had a decent experience somewhere, unless the experience was exceptional you're probably unlikely to post about said experience. Whereas if something bad happened, you definitely want to tell the world, right?

Secondly, negative emotions are associated with the release of a lot of different neurotransmitters and hormones, such as cortisol and epinephrine (adrenaline). Both of those stimulate our nervous systems to enter fight/flight mode--this is a heightened state of arousal. Generally speaking, positive emotions don't put us into fight or flight mode unless we perceive something as a threat.

This is the same reason that we are more inclined to remember nightmares rather than dreams. Nightmares release the same chemicals and wake us (very quickly) from sleep.

All of that said, as to why we "seek" risky behaviors, that's all human nature. If you tell a kid "no" to something, what are they going to try and do? They'll find a way to do it. It's quite possible that this is because we like adrenaline rushes (and that's why adrenaline junkies exist).

Lastly, violence, drugs and vices are not usually seen as negative experiences by the people who partake in them. Mostly because they are getting some positive reinforcement from their brains--usually a flooding of dopamine (the feel good neurotransmitter).

TL;DR: Good stuff happens more so we don't always see it and being bad makes us feel good sometimes (like sneaking cookies from the cookie jar).

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Edit: If you are struggling with negative thinking, please consider seeing a therapist! Additionally, here are some resources for changing the way you think!

Books:

u/Magzter · 110 pointsr/Frugal

If anyone is intersted in this then I highly suggest you watch this TED talk with Shawn Achor. It goes on to explain positive psychology, a relatively new field in psychology that has confirmed that people need to be happy in order to maximize their potential to be successful and not successful to obtain happiness, as is widely believed and virtually how the majority of the worlds work force is managed.

If you enjoy that than I advise you to check out his book "The Happiness Advatnage". It's a great read. Perspective really does change the reality in front of us.



u/nwalker85 · 96 pointsr/financialindependence

Can I recommend a book, "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck". It's an entertaining introduction to some of the concepts that helped me with these issues.

u/anthropophagus · 76 pointsr/politics

was in denial about how much the trauma and neglect i sustained throughout childhood had had an effect on me. i told everyone and myself that i was fine, but it was becoming quite apparent to me that i wasn't

i came to the conclusion that although my whole life intellectually i had been far ahead of (most of) my peers and even many of the adults in my life, emotionally i never really made it past eight years old

was at the library a few weeks later perusing for nothing really at all and somehow this book called emotional intelligence by daniel goleman caught my eye and the title alone caught my attention. it was literally exactly the shit i had been obsessing over in my head

read that and have been using it's info/advice to grow the fuck up ever since

u/TheRealMontoo · 71 pointsr/dating_advice

I think you know the answer, but don't allow yourself to act on it. You're afraid of committing to something you don't have control over. You're afraid of negative emotions, because you don't know how to deal with them. Your plan right now is to adjust your life to avoid negative events and emotions, instead of learning how to deal with them.

Thing is, whether it's in love or something else, like losing someone to sickness or death, or losing your job, you won't be able to escape having to deal with heartbreaks.

The only way to deal with heartbreak is by experiencing it. By knowing life will go on and achievable, even if the mountain in front of you seems insurmountable.

You could see a therapist like somebody else suggested. Some self-improvement books might help you. I suggest reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson.

Some advice I can give myself is to start putting things in perspective. How does something affect you in the long run? How does it affect you in a week, a year or a decade? Look at the bigger picture and things become relative. Get yourself to think everything is a moment to learn from, to shape you to be a better person.

Also, if your happiness depends on needing someone else, something is wrong. You should be happy in life regardless of being with someone. I know that's hard to achieve, but it's definitely not impossible if you keep working on it.

u/aDildoAteMyBaby · 66 pointsr/LifeProTips

Same. I just ran through this summary and I'm really not impressed. This in particular sounds like a tall stack of anecdotal horse shit:

> After many experiments on himself and others, he emphasises that the key factor in waking up with energy is that you tell yourself before you go to bed, that you would be getting enough sleep that night and would wake up in the morning feeling energised and ready to go. Regardless of whether its 4 hours or 9 hours, if you acknowledge and accept that you’ll be getting a good amount of sleep, then you’ll feel great in the morning.

I think I'll stick with The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson, thanks.

u/Makorbit · 58 pointsr/socialskills

I understand the 'put my foot down' mentality you're going for, but from what you've written it comes off as coming from a place of insecurity. Yes you have to establish boundaries for what you consider to be acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, but more importantly you have to recognize when you're doing things reactionarily to others or if you're truly acting out of self respect. The author Ayn Rand discusses this concept in Fountainhead,

>"Others dictated his convictions, which he did not hold, but he was satisfied that others believed he held them. Others were his motive power and his prime concern. He didn’t want to be great, but to be thought great. He didn’t want to build, but to be admired as a builder." Fountainhead Chapter IX, Part 4, pp. 605

Are you doing things to show others you have self-respect and boundaries, boundaries which are defined by reactions of others, or do you have self-defined boundaries developed out of self-respect.

I hope you'll take this as constructive criticism rather than an attack on your person.

Ok let's be real for a second. You were fairly invested in her and she didn't reciprocate. She sent some signals of disinterest that you picked up on 'acting distant and not making an effort to message me', then she sent a soft rejection, 'I'm busy' (I'm guessing she didn't propose another time by saying something like 'I'm busy but I can do this Saturday').

Because you were still invested in her, you pushed through the indicators and tried to get her to return investment in you by [demonstrating value] initiating conversation, cracking jokes and being nice. She didn't respond for a few weeks and then you 'put your foot down' and unfriended her. That's not establishing boundaries, that's acting reactionarily out of a place of insecurity.

Let's talk about what you could've done differently, and the underlying mindset behind what you did in comparison.

  • I don't know how the date actually went, clearly there was a different perception of how the date went. Let's skip that since there's no way of figuring it out.
  • She said she was busy and didn't make an effort to reschedule. This is often the biggest hint you will get, you can't blame girls for doing this rather than being upfront because A) EDIT: Most guys take rejection poorly, and some guys are actually psycho B) You expect them to be confrontational exclusively your benefit. By continuing to message her, and demonstrating value, all you're doing is sending the message 'I'm socially tone deaf. I'm needy and invested in you so I'm trying to show I have value so you return investment'. Instead you could've said "Hey I had a great time with you, you know how to reach me if you wanna meet up again.' then just walked away. That comes from a place of 'This genuine, I have the social grace to recognize your disinterest and respect it, I value myself and haven't invested too much into you but I think you're interesting so let me know if you change your mind, otherwise I'm doing my own thing".
  • When she becomes unresponsive after a 'I'm busy', it's 100% clear she's not interested, You 'put your foot down' and unfriended her... what you really did was try to show her that you have boundaries and 'punish' her by unfriending her in a, quite honestly, petty juvenile way. If we're brutally honest, she probably didn't have you on her mind during those few weeks, and you unfriending her is you making yourself feel better about the whole situation in a vindictive manner that she probably didn't notice. You already wasted your time by brushing past her disinterest signals, that's on you.
  • In a comment below you said 'There’s a girl there who is cute and she asked to hang out with me and I said I was busy even though I wasn’t 😅'. Seriously dude? That's a little cringy. You're playing games and being disingenuous to demonstrate value. It's a move that comes out of insecurity, 'I'll pretend I'm busier than I actually am."

    Here are a few books which I think may be helpful for you to read.

    Subtle art of not giving a fuck

    Models: Attract Women Through Honesty
u/nireyal · 53 pointsr/IAmA

By this point, I've tried them all, and I don't want to overwhelm people. But here are a few of my favorites:

Surfing the urge (MP3) -- An audio-based exercise from the University of Washington that helps an individual develop the practice of dealing with cravings or urges to behave in a certain way.

The Happiness Trap -- This is a good intro to Acceptance and Commitment therapy.

Mixmax -- Among other things, it allows you to delay email delivery--which can help you control your inbox.

Sanebox -- They analyze your email habits to determine future email importance and auto-filter/organize those emails so that the most important ways get the attention they deserve. It also comes with the SaneBlackHole feature that ensures you never see emails from a particular address ever again.

X.Ai -- An AI personal assistant who schedules meetings for you.

Facebook Newsfeed Eradicator -- A personal favorite, and it does what it says it will do: makes your newsfeed disappear, so you can use the best of Facebook without getting pulled into the vortex.

Distraction-Free YouTube -- Similar to the Newsfeed Eradicator -- this scrubs ads and recommended videos, so you watch what you came to watch on YouTube.

That's just a few, and I'm happy to share more if people would like!

u/exona · 42 pointsr/socialskills

Self-esteem is bogus. Research has started to say so, after years of promoting self-esteem in schools. It either leads to self-beration (like you are doing) or narcissistic behavior...it wasn't the cure-all that they originally once thought it was.

What they are finding is that self-compassion is the key. Check out the research here: https://self-compassion.org/

Kristen Neff's book Self-Compassion is utterly fantastic: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520. It will help stop the self-beration, the inner put-downs, etc. In turn, it helps you love other people more easily as well (including yourself!)

(Also....if you are clinically depressed, that might be another issue. If you are, there's nothing wrong with seeing somebody and taking medication for it. Meds don't make you happy, but they do help our brains to get back to working normally.)

u/xaogypsie · 40 pointsr/Christianity

I'm posting this from the perspective of a pastor (which I am), so if you want to dm me, feel free.

That kind of fixation on the SF/fantasy strikes me as unhealthy and there may be deeper issues (I realize that that is fairly obvious). When dealing with a person who is fixated like this, it's not your responsibility to change them nor are you at all responsible for her freaking out. It is also very unlikely that you can get through to them.

My advice would be to set up a boundary regarding the behavior you find bothering you, in this case, the lecturing, yelling, long phone calls, etc. Something like "I understand that this is a big issue for you, but I am not willing to talk to you about it." Give her no wiggle room, and if she persists, tell her something like "I said I am not willing to talk about it, and since you are insisting on talking about this, I am going to hang up." Click.

That's honestly going to be the best place to start (all of this is contingent on me not really knowing you or your situation, so take it with a grain of salt). If she realizes that you aren't willing (that word, willing, is important) to listen to her regarding this issue, she may stop brining it up. Also realize that it will be difficult at first. Have someone you can talk to when you start lay down this boundary.

Hopefully, you will start to feel the freedom of knowing you don't actually have to talk to her about this. Since it has such an impact on your emotional health, imagine what that would be like!

I also highly recommend Boundaries. Might be overkill in your situation, but there is lots of good stuff.

u/bokabo · 38 pointsr/Economics

You don't need to be "smart" to do those jobs. You need patience, training and work ethic. It's a frustrating myth that gets perpetuated.

https://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human-Strength/dp/0143122231

u/Meyerkord · 35 pointsr/leanfire
u/Throwawaymykey9000 · 32 pointsr/Stoicism

That's the trick though isn't it? Meditation isn't concentration on nothing. It is simply being present in the current moment, and not letting your mind wander forward into the future(anxiety) or dwell on the past(depression). As thoughts wander by, acknowledge that you them and let them go. Do not dwell.

Something that helps me, specifically with the breathing, is focusing on one body part for each breath, and how it feels to inhale upwards, and exhale downwards. For example, I meditate on my back, so I breath in my upper chest, and out my shoulderblades. Then I breath in my abs, and out my lower back. In my forehead, out the back of my skull. Really feel the breath move your body.

In m humble opinion, anyone interested in meditation should read Buddha's Brain by Rick Hanson. It's a fascinating look in to how your brain actually reacts to meditation, how inhaling and exhaling release different neurochemicals, and looks into the science of buddhist meditation.

u/fucks_with_toasters · 30 pointsr/army

Read this book: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

Practice, you’ll get better with time. I approach every task I’m given the same way: I do my best at it, and if I fail then I learn what I’m not good at. That tells me what to work on for the next time I do it. You can get a lot of self development done that way.

Fake it till you make it man. Soldiers look at you and see an NCO. If you try to project what you think they should be seeing, then eventually you’ll get used to acting that way and it will become normal. Nobody has access to the inside of your head but you, it’s okay to be nervous or freak out to yourself, but what you project outwardly is what counts.

u/[deleted] · 28 pointsr/exmormon

>How did anyone here crawl out of their emotional wreck and become functioning and content members of society after leaving?

First, the existential vacuum is real when leaving the Church and so is the excruciating loneliness. You're not alone and you can make it through. For me, a big part of the answer was just giving it time (cliche, I know, but still true) and just surviving the long, miserable days that followed my loss of faith.

Second, reading books helped. Lots of books from others that have previously dealt with these existential questions. Some recommendations are:

u/indiana_jones_hat · 27 pointsr/videos

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck is a great read, for anyone interested.

u/ShoegazingStardust · 26 pointsr/MandelaEffect

There is a fairly famous book called "The Road Less Traveled" that was around everywhere 25 years ago. Perhaps that is one of the reasons for this wrong remembrance?

u/RedRedRoad · 24 pointsr/WeAreTheMusicMakers


Comprehensive List of Books Relating to Music Production and Creative Growth

<br />


***


On Composition:

<br />


Making Music: 74 Creative Strategies - Dennis DeSantis
Amazon Link
This is a fantastic book. Each page has a general idea on boosting creativity, workflow, and designing sounds and tracks.


Music Theory for Computer Musicians - Michael Hewitt
Amazon Link
Really easy to digest book on music theory, as it applies to your DAW. Each DAW is used in the examples, so it is not limited to a specific program. Highly recommend this for someone starting out with theory to improve their productions.


Secrets of Dance Music Production - David Felton
Amazon Link
This book I recently picked up and so far it's been quite good. It goes over all the different elements of what make's dance music, and get's quite detailed. More geared towards the beginner, but it was engaging nonetheless. It is the best 'EDM specific' production book I have read.


Ocean of Sound - David Troop
Amazon Link

Very well written and interesting book on ambient music. Not only does David go over the technical side and history of ambiance and musical atmospheres, he speaks very poetically about creating these soundscapes and how they relate to our interpersonal emotions.


***


On Audio Engineering:

<br />


Mixing Secrets for the Small Studio - Mike Senior
Amazon Link
In my opinion, this is the best mixing reference book for both beginners and intermediate producers. Very in-depth book that covers everything from how to set-up for accurate listening to the purpose of each mixing and mastering plug-in. Highly recommended.


Zen and the Art of Mixing - Mixerman
Amazon Link
Very interesting read in that it deals with the why's more than the how's. Mixerman, a professional audio engineer, goes in detail to talk about the mix engineer's mindset, how to approach projects, and how to make critical mixing decisions. Really fun read.


The Mixing Engineer's Handbook - Bobby Owinski
Amazon Link
This is a fantastic companion book to keep around. Not only does Owinski go into great technical detail, he includes interviews from various audio engineers that I personally found very helpful and inspiring.


***


On the Industry:

<br />


All You Need to Know About the Music Business - Donald S. Passman
Amazon Link
This book is simply a must read for anyone hoping to make a professional career out of music, anyone wanting to start their own record label, or anyone interested in how the industry works. It's a very informative book for any level of producer, and is kept up-to-date with the frequent revisions. Buy it.


Rick Rubin: In the Studio - Jake Brown
Amazon Link
Very interesting read that is a semi-biographical book on Rick Rubin. It is not so personal as it is talking about his life, experiences, and processes. It does get quite technical when referring to the recording process, but there are better books for technical info. This is a fun read on one of the most successful producers in history.


Behind the Glass - Howard Massey
Amazon Link
A collection of interviews from a diverse range of musicians who speak about creativity, workflows, and experiences in the music industry. Really light, easy to digest book.


***


On Creativity:

<br />


The War of Art - Steven Pressfield
Amazon Link
This is a must-read, in my opinion, for any creative individual. It is a very philosophical book on dealing with our own mental battles as an artist, and how to overcome them. Definitely pick this one up, all of you.


This is Your Brain on Music - Daniel S. Levitin
Amazon Link
A book written by a neurologist on the psychology of music and what makes us attached to it. It's a fairly scientific book but it is a very rewarding read with some great ideas.


***


On Personal Growth and Development:

<br />


How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie
Amazon Link
Although this seems like an odd book for a music producer, personally I think this is one of the most influential books I've ever read. Knowing how to be personable, effectively network, and form relationships is extremely important in our industry. Whether it be meeting and talking to labels, meeting other artists, or getting through to A&amp;R, this book helps with all these areas and I suggest this book to all of you.


7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Stephen R. Covey
Amazon Link
Similar to the recommendation above, although not directly linked to music, I assure you reading this book will change your views on life. It is a very engaging and practical book, and gets you in the right mindset to be successful in your life and music career. Trust me on this one and give it a read.


Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Amazon Link
You know the feeling when you're really in the groove of jamming out and all worries tend to slip away for those moments? That is the 'Optimal Experience' according to the author. This book will teach you about that experience, and how to encourage and find it in your work. This is a very challenging, immersive, and enlightening read, which deals with the bigger picture and finding happiness in your work and life. Very inspiring book that puts you in a good mindset when you're doing creative work.


The Art of Work - Jeff Goins
Amazon Link
A very fascinating book that looks at taking your passion (music in our case) and making the most of it. It guides you on how to be successful and turn your passion into your career. Some very interesting sections touching on dealing with failure, disappointment, and criticism, yet listening to your intuition and following your passion. Inspiring and uplifting book to say the least.


***


Happy reading!

<br />



u/GenesystemIsDown · 24 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

There's two components to this.

One, realize if you land in a relationship you won't magically get happy. No one thing in life makes everything better. Life is complex and misery comes from a lot of sources. If you're miserable outside of a relationship there's a good chance you'll be even more miserable in one. Also, you now have less time and money. To really understand misery and getting over I'd recommend Feeling Good and The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck.

The second part, let's say you really do want success with women. Or at least to try it out. You're probably unskilled. That's it. You aren't a loser. You aren't a failure. You're just unskilled. Think about it like this. We all have to work to eat and survive. There are dozens of strategies for job hunting, but I've never heard anyone exclaim, "ah, don't worry about it. Just be confident and you'll land your dream job one day". You think about the type of career you want, think about how to build a presentable resume, create a strategy to get the experience you need. Plenty of steps and strategy. Same with seduction. For this I'd recommend Models and asking around /r/seduction. There's a lot of different strategies out there (a lot of terrible along with good) and figuring out what works for you, but the important thing is just realizing it's a learned skill. It isn't fate woven by gods from the beginning.

u/TotallyNotIT · 24 pointsr/sysadmin

This is a dumpster fire.

This isn't your job's fault, it's yours. Accept it because it means you get to choose where to go from here. It doesn't feel like it now but you do decide your reactions to what happens around you.

Learn to stop giving a fuck. In fact, I recommend the book. Given your work history, I'm going to bet you don't delegate, it seems to be a common issue among former sysadmins and engineers.

Make use of all resources you have available to you, both personal and professional. MAKE time to go to the gym. If some low priority shit doesn't get done at work, oh well. I'd also recommend another book to help augment your current habits, The Willpower Instinct.

You are in control, you get to decide what bothers you. Take control of your life and your happiness. Get in better shape, play with your kids. Pick up a new hobby. Whatever you have to do but don't give up control of your life to a fucking job.

u/graz2342 · 22 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

Honestly, there is nothing wrong with you. Speaking up in a group of people is hard unless you are comfortable with them and I don't believe that is the reason you struggle to develop relationships. Sure, if you're confident and witty, then it's a foot in the door, allowing you to start developing a relationship - if you are always on the edge of things then it becomes more difficult.

I was always on the edge of things in high school. I would sometimes try and insert a comment but it would be forced because I was desperately trying to get myself noticed. When you are in that frame of mind, you aren't relaxed and it becomes far harder to contribute to the conversation.

I used to think this was a fundamental flaw of mine until I got to university and developed a group of friends that actually valued me. I felt relaxed around them and my personality started to come through more.

There are a couple of books that I've read that have really clicked with me. You sound a lot like me, so I think they will help.

u/ColdEiric · 21 pointsr/RedPillWomen

Without doubt.

Some feminine traits do not get old, some characteristics do not get hit by the wall. This is what guys look for, when they ask the question: Is this girl worth keeping?

Edit, added after replies: Think the opposites of the five listed traits. They are:"

  • Living within your means. Does she live within her means? Could she financially take care of herself, if she needed to?

  • Optimism. You have no clue on how to consistently separate optimism from pessimism? I didn't either. Not before Learned Optimism.

  • First things first. That means, do the most important thing first. Not the most urgent. Forget the bells and the whistles.

  • Men want to hold hands, hug, kiss, and of course do it. Boys consider girls to be icky and full of cooties. Men don't. Game is about getting the cooties. Do you give your man, the man you love, what he wants?

  • Speak plainly and clearly and honestly. Men can handle it. Men look and search and hunt for the unedited truth. Do you give it? However, he doesn't want you to tell the truth to everyone, but only to him.
u/shellica · 21 pointsr/xxfitness

&gt; What helps you stay motivated?

Nothing. Motivation and willpower are fleeting. Little by little I'm working daily to build habits that support who I want to be. Over time, I'm getting better at choosing things that support my long term goals over things that provide instant gratification but the process is not easy or linear.

The Willpower Instinct is an amazing and fact based book on the subject and I go back to it often when I start to lose sight of my big picture. The concept of No More Zero Days has been really useful in helping me to aim to be a little better every day.

u/mysticreddit · 20 pointsr/gamedev

Disclaimer: A down-vote is NOT "I disagree", but this post adds nothing interesting.


First, you'll probably want to read last year's thread:

  • What's the most important thing you've learned about UI design?

    My speciality is Graphics, Fonts, User Experience, and User Interface. I don't have any portfolios / demos (ATM) but I can give some advice. Here are my thoughts &amp; wisdom I've collected over 20 years. (You may notice some of this in the above thread -- I'll try not to overlap too much.)

    IMO, there are 2 levels to UI:

    Low-Level code


    Traditionally, UI was given to the "junior" programmers because it wasn't as "sexy" as the main game development (Physics, AI, Rendering, Audio, Networking). Translation: It wasn't "mission critical", plus you couldn't really 'screw it up'.

    Casey Muratori (Handmade Hero) has an article on UI called Semantic Compression that discusses how to write clean UI code. You'll notice that UI design &amp; implementation using OOP, DD (Data Driven), and/or DOD (Data-Orientated-Design) are pretty boring to most people.

    The best way to understand UI is to

  1. Implement it.
  2. Analyze it
  • What are the strengths?
  • Weaknesses?
  • How rigid is it?
  • How flexible is it?
  • How many hacks did you use?
  • How much did you over-engineer it?
  • How simple it?

    UI isn't just about the parts though -- it is about the sum of the parts. Which leads me to my next point:


    High Level Psychology


    This is a huge topic -- I'll go over the basics.

    0. Purpose of UI

    The zeroth rule of UI is:

  • The sole purpose of UI is to get out the way and empower the user to do what they want.

    Far too many people focus on (useless) Form over Function. A great UI can't save a bad game, but a great game can be hurt by bad UI.

    1. Frame-rate

    First, IMO, if you don't understand the difference between 120 Hz, 60 Hz, and 30 Hz, you shouldn't be doing UI. Go buy a 120 Hz "gaming monitor". Learn about micro-stuttering -- when a solid 60 Hz momentary drops down to 30 Hz for one frame and then back up. I'd recommend starting here: DF Retro: Daytona USA and Why Frame-Rate Has Always Mattered

    Second, if you aren't targeting at least 60 Hz in your UI, you're doing it wrong. Nothing says amateur hour more then crappy 30 Hz -- it tells people you don't a) know, or b) care about the fundamentals. Again, I'd recommend watching these videos demonstrating judder:

  • OWE my eyes @ 24 fps

  • Silky smooth @ 60 fps

    Third, learn about blending, or easing equations. Robert Penner's easing equations are the classic, badly written, buggy, unoptimized ones, but they are good enough to get you started.

    2. S:N:~N

    The secret to good UI is understanding the S/N/~N ratio -- Signal:Noise:Anti-Noise.

    What are these?

  • You've probably heard of Signal -- that is the actual text or UI elements that the user can interact with. You could think of this as: Function.
  • The Noise is all the non-interactive stuff. "Fluff" such as backgrounds, etc. You could think of this as: Form.
  • What you probably haven't heard of is "Anti-Noise". You could think of this as Whitespace. Without whitespace all the signal and noise would overlap!!

    IMO, it is the contrast between signal-and-noise that makes for good UI. What do I mean by that? Here is an example -- a plain data table.

    |Foo|Bar|
    |:--|:--|
    |Key1|Val1|
    |no background contrast|makes it hard to read|
    |Key2|Val2|
    |blah|blah|
    |Everything blends in|... yuck|

    The problem is TOO much signal effectively becomes noise. Hmmm.

    Compare and contrast, literally, with a table that has alternative background colors for even &amp; odd rows. We have effectively added in Anti-Noise. We have used "pacing" or "flow" to the signal so that it is no longer monotonous. I'll add a link about flow in a minute.

    This is the kind of thinking that entails good UI:

  • How can you present information to the user without overloading them?
  • How can you make the non-obvious intuitive?

    To learn about UI you'll need to play games. Start breaking the UI down.

  • What feels natural?
  • What feels "hard" and takes longer then it should?
  • What would I change? Why?


    3. Flow

    Most games have a crappy UI because the user's experience from their POV was never a focus -- it is, sadly, usually an afterthought.

    I'm not talking basic widgets such as:

  • Text entry
  • Radio buttons
  • Drop drown menus
  • "Flashy" 3D menus
  • etc.

    I'm specifically talking about "Flow" -- what is the psychology of the gamer. That is, what are they thinking and feeling when:

  • Your game starts up?
  • How many useless splash screens do they have sit through before they can get to the main menu? Why do they have to watch them ... every .. single ... bloody .. time at startup???
  • How many clicks does it take for them to actually get back into their game from a save game.
  • How many unskippable cut-scenes do you make them sit through? Why do you not respect their time???
  • Are things laid out logically and consistently?
  • Does your game have a HUD?
  • If so, is it cluttered?
  • Are users able to re-arrange it to their needs?

    World of Warcraft was of one first triple AAA game to take UI serious. That was the pivotal, historical, moment when games progressed from stage 2 to stage 3.

  • Hardware -- Can the raw hardware do what we envision? Mobiles have more then enough "horsepower" these days.
  • Software -- Can we implement the algorithms? Yes, we've "solved" most of the "hard" problems like photo-realistic rendering, "good" AI, good physics, minimizing lag, etc.
  • User Experience -- UI is not only about empowering the user -- but about the converse: What can we do to not piss off the user? i.e. Why do we make them click 4 times when 2 will do?

    IMO UI really is the last frontier in game development. It is about the level of polish that takes a good game and helps turn it into a great game.

    Hopefully this has given you some ideas to explore, to research, to learn about !
u/Ubiquitous_Cacophony · 20 pointsr/Games

I've heard it called tacit knowledge before, as /u/Luckater already mentioned. I've also seen it referenced, assuming you're somewhat good at the game (and getting "in the zone") as a flow state.

u/bombeater · 20 pointsr/ADHD

This is a great question!

The most important part of this is the idea of "okay to ask for help".

The truth is, this has more to do with who you're asking than it has to do with you.

ADHD is difficult to come to terms with because its effects are so hard to pinpoint; they're mixed in with all of the other confounding factors that make life a struggle for everybody.

This is unfortunate because you can never completely blame ADHD for anything--there's always the possibility that you could "just try harder" to make The Thing happen.

On the other hand... no one can ever completely blame you, either! Because there's always the possibility that your executive faculties are just not running at full capacity, and absolutely nothing you do will make The Thing happen on a faster timeline.

So, how do you manage this balance? What do you do when there's never a straight answer?

In short: you have to learn the boundaries of each person in your life, how much they're willing to help (whether "help" means "listening to me bitch and moan" or "coming over to help me stay focused"), and whether they feel like you're leaning on them too hard.

You have to learn to have those awkward uncomfortable conversations where you put your emotions on the line intentionally, because it's actually safer to do it this way than wait until people blow up on you and say "UGH, JUST TRY HARDER!"

I say a lot of things like:

---

&gt; I feel like I've been bugging you a lot lately. I just want you to know that if you ever need some space, you can just say "Hey, my plate is full--think you'll be OK without me on this one?"

---

&gt; Yo, is it cool if I vent about my productivity a sec? (afterward) Phew, all right. I feel a little better, thanks. How are you?

---

&gt; I really appreciate how much you've been willing to help me out with my struggles lately. Is there anything I can do to help you out in return?

---

&gt; Hey, I'm really sorry I went MIA yesterday. I should have let you know I was having an off day. Are we cool?

---

If you're looking for reading material, I suggest:

u/SonicTheHedgehog · 19 pointsr/GetMotivated

Zuko's hilarious but interestingly enough if you look at the basic principles of mindfulness and therapies based on mindfulness there's a similar idea ie. to learn to defuse from your thinking self and more often be in tune with your observing self.

So you accept your thoughts, urges, feelings as they are but not fuse with them and instead move in the direction of the things you value. There's a girl you're interested in, you feel anxiety at asking her out, you don't struggle with that anxiety or let it define you, you accept it but ask her out because it aligns with your values of love, connection, intimacy. The thinking self would run rampant, "I should ask her out. But she'll reject me. What if they laugh at me. I'm not gonna do it, she'll think I'm creepy. Okay here she comes. Damn, I missed my chance. I can't believe I missed my chance. I'll never be in a relationship. I'm going to be lonely forever. I am unlovable. I am a useless piece of human garbage."

As for your other self, your observing self, you get more into tune with this through focusing on the here and now and defusing from the thoughts of your thinking self. You've taken thousands of showers in your lifetime and while you have the option to think about how behind you are in school during your shower, you also have the option to revel in it for what it is and just enjoy the experience.

For anyone more interested in Uncle Zuko's wisdom, https://www.amazon.ca/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841


I miss Avatar. Are they ever gonna do another series or was Korra the last one?


u/gymtanlibrary · 18 pointsr/getdisciplined

Discipline = self-control = willpower. I really like Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength by Roy Baumeister and John Tierny. There's some science, some psychology, pop culture, actionable advice, and good writing. There's also Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal. I've read both and Baumeister's book is better hands down. At least that's my opinion. But read both if you're curious.

Beyond that I recommend avoiding the vortex that is "self-help" books. They can just as easily waste your time and become as addicting as any other form of escapism. You can feel good by reading about discipline and productivity without actually doing anything about it. Read one book 1 or 2 books. And spend most of your time experimenting with your own life.

u/SillyToni · 18 pointsr/Christianity

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. :) And also on your restraint. ;)

Sounds like your father in law can be a bit judgmental and difficult to deal with. Especially considering you called him out on his own behavior and instead of manning up to it and discussing it rationally with you he basically said he was above you and doesn't need to talk to you like a human being. Sad.

My thoughts on this are, you will have to deal with this man for a lifetime. And you do not want to make your wife miserable by starting anything with her father. However, in your life together you and your new wife will be making decisions as a unit - the two of you. It is really your fiancé who needs to be able to establish boundaries with her family about how much of their advice she is willing to take. (This is all tangential to the main issue you raised... about cohabiting... which to me isn't that big a deal especially considering your reasons for doing it. I'm more thinking about the general trend in the leaving and cleaving and how that's going to shake down in the upcoming years.)

There is a good book I really recommend - not sure if the father in law is the controlling type but if he is:
http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454

u/csandin · 18 pointsr/NoFap

I'm glad you can relate. Porn addiction does blow lol. But yes we truly are top level people here. It has shown me the true courage that humans have. I've been trying to figure this whole life thing out for about a year now, and it sounds like you may be struggling as well. I highly recommend this book or anything by this author, if you are on the same path. You can filter out all of the religious stuff, I know I did. But it helps you detach from your ego, and basically allows you to be happy in life.

u/Lightfiend · 18 pointsr/psychology

The Blank Slate: The Modern Denial of Human Nature - evolutionary psychology, behavioral genetics. (probably most interesting from a Freudian perspective, deals with many of our unconscious instincts)

Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces The Shape Our Decisions - Unconscious decision-making, behavioral economics, consumer psychology. Fun read.

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion - Most popular book on the psychology of persuasion, covers all the main principles. Very popular among business crowds.

Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships - Social neuroscience, mirror neurons, empathy, practical stuff mixed with easy to understand brain science.

Authentic Happiness - Positive Psychology, happiness, increasing life satisfaction.

Feeling Good - A good primer on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Also widely considered one of the best self-help books by mental health practitioners.

The Brain That Changes Itself - Neuroplasticity, how experience shapes our brains. Some really remarkable case studies that get you wondering how powerful our brains really are.

The Buddhist Brain - The practical neuroscience of happiness, love, and wisdom from a Buddhist perspective.

That should give you more than enough to chew on.



u/LarperPro · 17 pointsr/croatia
  1. Učlani se u neki društveni hobi. Npr. ples, yoga, sport, tečaj kuhanja, anime klub, tečaj jezika itd. Tako ćeš riješiti ljudski kontakt.

  2. Kad si već student, iskoristi tu priliku i odi kod sveučilišnog psihologa. Meni je žao što nisam.

    Meni je osobno užasno pomoglo čitanje. Konkretno Mark Manson, a konkretnije njegova knjiga The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck inspirirana ovim blog postom. Ne postoji bolja self-help knjiga. Razumno, to the point, bez sranja i konkretno.

    Nikad nisam bio u prilici kad nisam imao najbolje frendove i čak mi je frend nedavno rekao da smo ga ja i frend "spasili" jer zbog nas ima društvene krugove. Inače bi završio bez prijatelja i ljudskog kontakta. Tako da ja nemam to iskustvo, ali razumijem preko frenda koliko je ozbiljno.
u/eduardopozo56 · 17 pointsr/networking
u/Clubber_of_Seals · 17 pointsr/confession

You can only play the hand you were dealt. You cant change that. The good news is that you can stop feeling sorry for yourself and start working on yourself. Change your mentality, read more (especially self help books...good ones as there is alot of trash out there), learn new things, pick up new hobbies, change yourself physically by hitting the gym, grooming yourself (if that's an issue), dress nicer (if you don't already), attain goals, set new goals....live for you and only you, man. Improve yourself. Stop comparing yourself to others. You will always fall short if you do that and quite frankly, other people are irrelevant when it comes to your life. If it is girls you want, there are "plenty of fish in the sea", this I am sure you've heard thousands of times, but although these girls all have different tastes/interests, they are, in general, not so much attracted to looks per se, but rather behavior and attitude. Girls of course are not opposed to a good looking guy, but good looks will only get you initial interest from them, but if a guy doesn't have a good personality, attitude, self esteem or confidence, then Brad Pitt himself would not be able to attract and keep women. You would be amazed how successful "unattractive" men can be. I'm sure you have seen it. Forget about women for now, work on you. Get your self esteem and confidence up. That should be the goal. How you negatively feel/view about yourself projects to people. It turns them off before you can even open your mouth. Good luck man!

Edit:
If you have a moment, check out the book "The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life" by Mark Manson. It's a great book and it will hit probably hit home in alot of areas. It (and others) helped me when I needed some help. Its a good read. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713?ref_=ams_ad_dp_asin_2

u/RoarEatSleep · 17 pointsr/beyondthebump

I really like the book boundaries. It changes the way you think about and act in relationships. It’s all logical, but if you’ve never thought about your relationship that way it’s a new way of doing things.

You are an adult. You get to choose how your mother treats you and interacts in your life. Draw some firm boundaries there and if she can’t abide them she will have consequences.

People with no boundaries and people with boundaries that are to intense suffer. You need to find the middle. So, for instance, if you don’t want her to kiss baby then say ‘it’s flu season and I’m not comfortable with you kissing baby. If you do kiss him, I’m going to have to hold him or put him in his swing’...and then do that. If she’s speaking about you in a disparaging way (your mom is being silly. Who raised her. Etc) calmly say that you are this child’s mother and you will raise this child according to your own guidelines, just like she got to raise her kids according to hers. If she can’t respect that, then maybe it’s best for her to leave and come back another time when she can respect your rules.

Be kind, but firm. It’s great practice because when baby is 2/3 you will get to do lots of work establishing and maintaining boundaries.

u/littlesoubrette · 17 pointsr/ISTJ

I struggle immensely with self-hate. Mine came from past abuse, severe mental illnesses, and not getting proper care or addressing my trauma for many years until I was eventually hospitalized. The biggest thing I've done to work towards releasing the self-hate and moving towards self-love is the concept of self-compassion. Like, you probably wouldn't say the things you say to yourself ("You're not good enough" "Why did you fail at that task?" "What's wrong with you? Why aren't you more successful?") to a friend, a child, or even your younger self, right? We're incredibly unabashedly mean to ourselves. I think ISTJ's are prone to thinking this way, but really I think most people struggle with this to some degree. American culture is all about fend for yourself and your success are only measured by what others can see (how much money you make, your job, your education, etc). We don't live in a culture that fosters self-compassion or self-acceptance, so we have to work on it ourselves. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy or ACT has been immensely helpful to me, as well as working with therapists who use ACT. One of the primary features of this therapy is self-acceptance and self-compassion. Give yourself a break! Sometimes life is really hard and we just expect ourselves to be able to handle it, and when we can't or don't, the self-hate creeps in and we begin to wonder what's wrong with us and then no compliment or achievement can make us happy or feel worthwhile. It has to come from within. Start today by simply talking to yourself as a friend or as a child. Instead of saying "This project I completed isn't good enough" and falling into a self-hate and shame spiral, say "This project isn't where I'd like it to be, but I'm really tired and it's the best I could do for now." Just re-framing those thoughts into more self-compassionate ones helps a lot. Talk to yourself kindly, even if you don't think you deserve it. The best advice I can give if this practice is intolerable is to fake it until you make it. Fake that you feel okay, fake that you can accept less than perfection. It sucks, but overtime the less you engage in the self-hate thoughts and move towards self-compassion thoughts, the easier it'll be to really be self-compassionate and to end the cycle of self-hate.

I also ride the ISTJ/INTJ line and am very pessimistic and very hard on myself. It's been a major struggle in my life, and unfortunately I've had to seek professional and even hospital level help on many occasions in order to... uh... at a very basic level stay alive. When self-hate is so deeply embedded into your mind, it's easy to go to a place where you consider that your life may not be worth it. Not insinuating that you or anyone else here could be like that, but it's where the years of self-hate landed me. Learning about self-compassion and that IT'S OKAY to be be nice to yourself, to treat yourself kindly, to be gentle with yourself has changed so much in my life and led me to a place of great stability and health. Consider purchasing or borrowing the book I linked above, it's my go-to resource for ACT and is accessible even if you never see a therapist. On that note, I'd recommend you see a therapist, especially one who is trained in ACT. I believe every single human, even without a mental health diagnosis, could benefit from therapy at any point in their life. As an ISTJ I find therapy to be a really excellent tool to helping me understand myself and gain better self-awareness.

Best of luck to you and I hope you're able to find peace and self-acceptance somewhere in your life. It truly is possible, speaking as someone who almost died to her deep self-hatred on several occasions, but who has come out on the other side victorious and practicing self-compassion daily.

u/BrinjePollywog · 16 pointsr/getdisciplined

I just read this book on the subject, which is written by a science writer and a research psychologist and has lots of great, experiment-based information on how your brain works with regard to self-control, and how you can capitalize on that to get the most out of the willpower you do have.

If I remember the writers' arguments correctly, the answer to your question comes down to two basic factors: genetics and practice.

Just as with other attributes, how much willpower you start with is heavily dependent on your genetics.

But also like other skills and strengths, willpower can be grown with consistent practice. Even little tests of self-control, like banning yourself from swearing or self-enforcing good posture, can increase your mental stamina for making choices that are immediately unpleasant but gratifying on the long term.

u/adam784 · 16 pointsr/hotsauce

https://www.amazon.com/Road-Less-Traveled-Timeless-Traditional/dp/0743243153

This book is used to help encourage people to get treatment for their mental health issues. Get the audiobook, it's only about 4 hours. It could potentially the thing that drives you to a therapist/psychiatrist. Depression is very real and if left untreated can be fatal. Please sit and listen to the audiobook. It's on audible but you can probably torrent it. Good luck.

u/Gp626 · 16 pointsr/Fitness

There's not really enough information on this post to give you an answer.

Does it happen immediately? How far /long do you have to run before you get it? Does it happen with other exercise?

Depending on those answers, it could be different things.

One thing that is reasonably common amongst people who have been through a stressful time is an inappropriate cortisol response. This is basically your 'fight or flight' response kicking in. It happens a lot amongst combat vets - Their heart rate goes up, so their body things they are in a stressful place and triggers their stress/anxiety response

The first thing I would suggest is training at a lower intensity and work up. Wear a heart rate monitor and see if a particular level triggers it. It may be that you have to walk before you run, so to speak.

Also, try and exercise in nature (if you feel comfortable there). This has scientifically proven stress reduction properties.

You may need to find another form of exercise. Walking, Swimming, aqua jogging, ultimate Frisbee (auto correct just suggested ultimate crossbow, lol), rock climbing, crossfit, skipping, rowing, yoga, spin classes, HIIT classes, dog walking, anything you can find that you enjoy and that doesn't spike your anxiety

Also, I highly recommend mindfulness meditation. This is a great science and evidence based book/course on the subject.

I also think this book... The upside of stress would be really good for you. It too is science and evidence based and has some amazing insights into stress and wellbeing

Take it easy out there. Glad you are still with us.

GP

u/LieutenantJesus · 15 pointsr/reactiongifs

The times you're doing well, you're probably falling into a flow state and kicking ass. I found I was able to do really well playing CS:S right after a run back in highschool. I experience the same thing in Rocket League, where I'm able to read my opponenets really well and make great plays one hour, and that skill degrades over the next day or two until I take a break. When I come back, I clean house for an hour or two and then the decline begins again.

[Check out this article on flow states.] (http://www.innertransformationblog.com/2016/07/25/ultimate-human-performance/) Something I found very frustrating was how "random" I seemed to do well, and how the next day, I'd do WORSE. This still happens to this day, and this article touches on some of the mechanics behind that phenomenon.

If this is intriguing to you at all, I'd suggest you pick up the book "Flow" by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. I'm still working my way through it, but it's considered one of the best books on the subject to date.

u/Akatchuk · 15 pointsr/getdisciplined

I have a couple of books to suggest reading that have helped me a lot with that issue. The first one is Mindset, by Carol Dweck and it approaches the concept of growth mindset VS fixed mindset. To its core, the idea is that a growth mindset is more inclined to try new things out, sees practice as a necessary exercise to get better at something, and sees mistakes/failures as lessons to take in stride.

This book helped me a lot because I find that we live in a time where as members of the Western Society (sorry if I assumed wrongly), we expect to a) be successful at everything we try and b) get everything instantly. The problems with these assumptions is that we usually suck at anything we start, and because we realise we're crap and can't get the results instantly, we think we've failed and we become unhappy.

If you ever watch East Asian dramas or read mangas or watch animes (slightly gross generalisation, sorry if I offend), there is usually an element of growth. The main character will fail at something, but eventually keep practicing until they get there. They don't focus on the end result, but on the process of learning, of making mistakes and learning lessons from them. We've forgotten how to do that, and instead of being encouraged to persevere past our mistakes, we're just told to find something else we're good at, which is counter-productive given that we're usually not good at anything we've never done before.

The second book will sound a little soppy, but I definitely think it's worth a read. It's Self-Compassion, by Kristin Neff and the premise is simply to be more accepting of yourself and your mistakes (not in a lovey-dovey way, just "ok cool, I fucked up, time to move on"). She posits that self-esteem isn't as useful as self-compassion because self-esteem usually means you have to make yourself feel better by comparing yourself with someone/something else ("Oh look, I must be so good at this because everyone else is rubbish), which means you are still somehow reliant on external factors. This is not an ideal situation because you're still subject to fear of failure or rejection by others.

Self-compassion, on the other hand, helps you see that everyone makes mistake, and it not only helps you learn to be kinder towards yourself (this is especially important if you find yourself criticising yourself and blaming yourself for not doing something because you've been procrastinating), it also helps you be more accepting of others, because you realise we're all the same. This is especially helpful to learn to deal with other people's judgement, because you can see that what they say and how they act towards you is a reflection on themselves, not you (if I'm an arse to someone on the tube, I was probably impatient or annoyed with something, for example).

It does sound a little wishy-washy, but I think it's self-compassion that truly helps someone understand that everyone makes mistakes, and that when you make one, not only should you remember that someone has almost definitely made a worse one, but also that you can move on from it, so it's ok to fuck up. With a growth mindset, you'll learn to be ok with making mistakes, and maybe even seek to make them when you realise you learn by failing and not by succeeding (well, most of the time). You may also become more comfortable with uncertainty and seek regular practice in a subject rather than trying it once and deciding it's not for you because you're not good at it.

Another thing is to learn to be humble. We're always told we can do anything if we set our mind to it, and that we're all special snowflakes, but we're not. If you want to become a special snowflake, you've got a long way to go. So start from the bottom and work your way up. Always listen to advice, even if you've heard it before, or you think it's rubbish, because someone tried to help and it could help you learn. By being humble you don't fall off your pedestal of self-made-up glory because you don't think you're the shit, you're just yourself and if you want to achieve something, you know it'll take efforts, failures and time (always, if it doesn't, there's a catch). There's nothing wrong with not being a special snowflake or not being the shit. You'll still have your friends and family, at the end of the day!

Also, people are not against you, they're for themselves. They won't give a toss about your failures or your accomplishments past telling you sorry/congratulations, because we're all self-centered. So don't look at how much greener the grass is on the other side of the fence, focus on making your own grass greener.

u/francis2559 · 15 pointsr/legaladvice

Not a lawyer but a Christian: this is a good book about healthy boundaries written by some smart Christians. Maybe she'd be receptive to it. Helped me out a lot way back in High School.

u/Ghigs · 15 pointsr/NoStupidQuestions

A book that may help.

&gt;When I can't do something correctly

Doing something incorrectly is still doing something, which is preferable to doing nothing. No one sits at a piano for the first time and plays tchaikovsky.

u/gravityrider · 14 pointsr/MTB
u/Xkot · 14 pointsr/IAmA

Definitely consider cognitive behavioral therapy. I had serious issues as a repressed closet case who'd never had a real relationship until the age of 30. Just reading a book about it helped tremendously, though I don't think I was facing as much of a struggle as you are. For what it's worth, this is the book that helped me. http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Rational-Living-Albert-Ellis/dp/0879800429/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;s=books&amp;amp;qid=1265489005&amp;amp;sr=8-1

u/mgbkurtz · 14 pointsr/Accounting

Take a break from accounting and finance books. I have a few recommendations from my recent reading:

The Intelligence Paradox

The Evolution of Everything

Delusions of Power

Equal is Unfair

The Feminine Mystique

How an Economy Grows - And Why It Crashes

Floating City: A Rogue Sociologist Lost and Found in New York's Underground Economy

Buddha's Brain

The Red Queen

Obviously there's a political bend in some of those choices, but I can suggest others (it's always important to challenge your beliefs).

I love to read, can provide some other recommendations, but those were just some recent books I just pulled off my Nook. There's some fiction as well.

u/jboyd88 · 13 pointsr/GetStudying

I'll share my reading list for the next 12 months as it's how I plan to become a better learner:


&amp;nbsp;

Learning

u/makba · 13 pointsr/norge

22 år er da ingenting. Langt ifra for sent å snu skuta for å si det sånn. Anbefaler denne: https://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Works-Matters/dp/1583335080

u/txmadison · 13 pointsr/gifs

Huskies, especially when young - require a lot of engagement to avoid the behaviors that people would associate with a bad dog/badly trained dog (chewing, using the bathroom inside, barking/howling incessantly, and other attitude problems). It's important that you give them things to do every day both physically and mentally, sticking to a schedule will help everyone involved - the dog will know something is coming and can wait instead of flipping out.

They're very smart dogs, work on obedience training (if you've never done this before, look for a local trainer and take some classes or buy a book - Training the Best Dog Ever is a decent little book by the person who trained Obama's dog among others - it focuses entirely on positive reinforcement, and then there are things like 101 dog tricks.)

Get them toys, use a puzzle feeder for meals, take them on as many walks as you feel like you can and reinforce the proper behaviors you want on every walk.

Huskies are working dogs, and like working dogs (and most all dogs) they want to know their job/role in the pack, trust you and your decisions, and do things that make you happy. They are your number one fan, and always down to ride or die.



^^^dog ^^^tax

tl;dr take it on walks a lot, play with it, positive reinforcement for behaviors you want it to continue, don't hit it or yell at it for 'bad' behaviors, make sure it has physical/mental things to engage it every day and it'll be your best friend for the rest of its life.

u/jcbneuner · 13 pointsr/seduction

Accept that you are going to make mistakes and embarrass yourself. It sucks every time but learn from your mistakes and keep putting yourself out there. But you just have to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

Also, I read some self help books on some areas that I knew I was weak in. Like I used to be really bad about sticking up for myself and telling someone when I felt they were out of line because I wasn't sure how to handle the situation. So I bought [this book] (https://www.amazon.com/Assertiveness-Stand-Yourself-Respect-Others-ebook/dp/B006B96NDM/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;amp;ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1493838086&amp;amp;sr=1-1&amp;amp;keywords=how+to+stand+up+for+yourself) and it made a huge difference.

Are you always worried about what everyone thinks about you? The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck made huge difference for me. Reflect on yourself and find your weak spots. Also maybe check out /r/selfimprovement if you haven't already.

u/FreakishlyNarrow · 12 pointsr/everymanshouldknow

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

I haven't read it, but Amazon and Audible both keep recommending it to me and I've heard good things.

u/takeachancethrowaway · 12 pointsr/lawschooladmissions

- Amy Cuddy's book and TED Talk (tl;dr: your body language shapes how you feel; pose like Wonder Woman and fake it until you become it)
- Shawn Achor's book and TED Talk

- pretty much everything by Brené Brown, but The Gifts of Imperfection is a good place to start

- find a therapist trained in CBT who can help you identify and reframe negative thoughts. If working with a therapist IRL isn't possible right now, try an app like Joyable

- law school specific book recommendations: How to be Sort of Happy in Law School and The Anxious Lawyer. I've also heard good things about this podcast.

u/bjbarlowe · 12 pointsr/personalfinance

Regardless of whether you should take a second job, it's just none of their business. Set up some boundaries with your family. Check out this book.

u/ilovebrandonj · 12 pointsr/Marriage

In my opinion, talking to family about a fight between spouses is very inappropriate. Having a mentor that is not invested in the relationship would be ideal if she absolutely has to talk to someone. Have you read the book Boundaries together?

u/zeekleeman · 11 pointsr/ottawa

I'd like to recommend a great book. It might help us get over this truck driver, the car that followed the truck and the hilarious reaction and disbelief caught in the video.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.ca/dp/0062641549/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_apa_i_Dte0Db4FVBACN

u/thebuddy · 11 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

I have found that becoming happier is the key to achieving more:
(Here's a highly-recommended book about that very topic: http://www.amazon.com/The-Happiness-Advantage-Principles-Performance/dp/0307591549)

  • Smile more often. Smiling releases endorphins and serotonin. Even fake smiling. Smiling begets more smiling.

  • Start and/or end your day by writing about the positive things that happened to you that day. Many people write a list of things they're grateful for. Personally, I just write about the positive things I encountered each day. I prefer to do this at the beginning of each day. It puts you in a positive mindset to start your day.

  • Start each day with a 'win'. Achieve or overcome something early in the day, especially if it's something you didn't want to do. This can help put you in a positive mindset to start your day.

    Read self-help books. As people, we know very little. Accept that and revel in the fact that you can spend your life learning from other people's mindsets and perspectives.

    Some recommendations:

  • How to Win Friends and Influence People (Learn how to deal with people better. Maybe the Holy Grail of self-help books. Having better interactions with people makes you a happier person and boosts your confidence.)

  • The Power of Habit (Work on building good habits. This book also talks about an important principle, a "keystone habit" - a strong habit to adopt that shows you that you can make other improvements in your life and as a result motivates you to do so.)

  • Think and Grow Rich (Become more motivated and believe more in yourself. Not just about becoming rich.)

  • The Happiness Advantage (Learn more about positive psychology and the power of happiness as a motivational factor in your life.)

  • The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

    I have found that most things I've read in these books are things I already "knew", but didn't really internalize until reading about them.

    You can use an app/website like Blinkist to get the key insights of many of these books summarized for you. I find that doing that in addition to reading/listening to the book really helps you absorb the information better.



u/nofap_lurker · 11 pointsr/NoFap

part 2 How I achieved my streak


The only way I was able to beat my masturbation addiction was to replace the bad habit with good ones. I devoured information, clips, books, articles anything someone recommended I checked out to see if it could help me. I developed exercise habits, I now jog regularly. I cleaned up my diet. I quit coca cola, I change to the Paleo diet, cutting out Gluten, and eating many more healthy fats. I started supplementing my diet and Ive turned my life around. Each success fuelled another success. Not masturbating, lead to Exercising. Running meant I eat heathily. A clean diet, free of brain fog meant I picked up a book. Reading lead to mindfulness. Being aware of my self image and my thoughts, lead to an increased confidence and lessened anxiety. This fuelled my desire not to partake in MO. The cycle continues. Each new habit compounded the others until I was a completely different person in such a short space of time.


I’m going to list a few of the key resources I used.


Some of you I’m sure will like reading, some prefer visual stuff so here are some of the things I use.


Jim Rohn-Best life Ever- (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwXxhgCbVLk)


Browsing one of the other subs someone mentioned this seminar as one of the most influential things they’d come across. As soon as I started watching it I knew I had to not only watch it but make notes. I now have it downloaded from torrents and as an mp3 on my phone. Please please don’t be put off by its length. Everytime I watch it I gain something new. This nofap journey is not something that you will conquer overnight, and if you cant watch the above lecture in a few sittings I promise you wont be able to abstain from wanking for 30 days let alone 90/200 plus. I cant cliff the lecture but I used it now, as jim states in the talk to alter my personal philosophy to my betterment. If I had watched this as a 21 year old I have no doubt that my life would be extremely different than is today.


A further inspirational Jim Rohn Speech (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFEqiDRwXcM)


If your still with me please now watch this clip. Internalise it and make it your mantra. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6p13UFYTQG8)


When I was a kid, Will smith was the fresh prince and an absolute joker, but in my 20 years from adolescence to adulthood, he became arguably the biggest star in Hollywood. Although you may not respect him as a philosopher and he can come across somewhat corny, ignore your instinctual pessimism and listen to the message he says. Again I wish I’d heard this in my late teens.


Running


I started my No fap Journey weighing 230lbs or 105kg. I’m now down to 187lbs or 85kg. I was drastically unfit. How did I do this. I began running. Started off slowly, followed a program and was consistent. Running to me has always been something I thought I naturally couldn’t do. The program I followed was the Couch to 5k one. The beauty of this is that it everything is prescribed. You literally cannot fail if you follow each session. Every time you complete a week not only will your fitness increase to be able to take on the next week of the course, so too does your confidence in your running ability. I have to tell you the satisfaction I felt after completing the final week, was something I hadn’t experienced in over a decade. I liked that feeling so much it spurred me to help with other challenges. Since completed C25km, Ive also done my first 10km race. I now run 5km 4-5 times a week and honestly I love it.


Reading


One of the takeaways from the best life ever Jim Rohn, was his stance on reading. In it he asks the question “ how many books have you read in the last 90 days?” well for me it was the same answer as the last decade. ZERO. This revelation startled me. I knew this had to change. So in keeping with the other improvements I was making I decided to research the best books on personal development. Here are a couple that I would absolutely recommend that I have finished in the last 250 days. – Ive linked the wikis I would recommend each of the books to help with your own personal development
Psycho cybernetics
The Slight Edge
Happiness Advantage
Power of Now
Models
Learned Optimism
Furthermore I have compiled a massive library of books that I am planning to read. Again having not Engaged my brain in this pursuit for the past decade this has been a real struggle for me. However turning up and being consistent, making time for this instead of watching Netflix is an investment in myself and I cant emphasis how crucial to my success this has been.

u/MoundBuildingNephite · 11 pointsr/exmormon

The existentialism is real in the wake of losing your worldview. All the pep-talks in the world about "go live your life, the world is amazing!" meant nothing to me. I didn't know how to move forward. For some of us, the loss is huge and the existential dread (with its accompanying anxiety and depression) is absolutely consuming.

Ultimately, the study of philosophy and the nature of existence was the way out and the door to a meaningful post-Mormon life for me. I read and studied a bunch of stuff, but the below list was some of the most helpful. I ultimately chose to go with a personalized form of stoicism to fill the void left by Mormonism. Others prefer secular Buddhism, etc. If you still like Jesus as a moral guide (like I do in a lot of ways), this is a great short podcast about Jesus as a moral philosopher.

Anyway, I found the below very helpful in my transition:

  • Philosphize This! podcast. Start with episode 1 and just listen all the way through. It's great and he even mentions Mormonism a few times.

  • The Power of Now by Tolle.

  • The Happiness Trap by Harris.

  • Man's Search for Meaning by Frankl.

  • Man's Search for Ultimate Meaning (A follow-on of above--focus on the later chapters in this book.)

  • The Alchemist by Coelho.

  • A New Earth by Tolle.

  • A Confession by Tolstoy. Free download.

  • What I Believe, also by Tolstoy and a follow-on to the above Tolstoy book. Free download at link if you look for it. Auido book here.

    If you're interested in stoic philosophy as a replacement for Mormonism:

  • Start with this easy article for a nice overview. The rest of this blog can be helpful, too. For example, here's a great recent article.

  • This book. It can be a bit long in places, but it's an easy read and gives an awesome overview.

  • Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. The Audible version of this is really good, too, if you have a daily commute, etc.

    &amp;nbsp;

    Finally, it gets better! Take it a day (or a month) at a time and keep searching and you'll eventually land in a good spot! Good luck, and stick with it!
u/2PlateBench · 11 pointsr/Fitness

It is fucking hell. I have had this for years. I was given this book by my sister, and it supposed to help a lot with the ruminating brain...but I haven't gotten around to finishing it yet.

Now that I've remembered again, I'll start it again myself.

I take these which helped for a while...but lately have not been.

u/kid_miracleman · 11 pointsr/Atlanta

I know people more than twice your age still coasting day-after-day miserable doing nothing to end their misery and just perpetually bitching in an infinite feedback loop. The fact you recognize that and are willing to change it is a MAJOR first step. Don't forget that.

When I was your age I was in a similar situation. I remember graduating high school asking my "friends" if any parties were happening. There were, I just wasn't invited. It broke my heart, but it also helped teach me a lesson: shitty friends are worse than none. Never let shitty people dictate your situation. If your boss sucks, find a new job. If your friends treat you shitty, find new friends. If your parents have stunted your growth as an adult, find new family.

Progress is made in inches, not miles. Flash forward to today and I'm making good money in a job field with a dramatic shortage of talent, so many great friends I can have adventures with, leading community building and activism efforts I believe in, and bringing cool art to the city I love (I'm doing an art show July 29th called "Kaiju Cult" with a guy who 5 years ago I admired but now we're business partners and friends).

If I could give you one piece of advice it would be this: you'll always have problems. A problem-free life is a work of fiction. You can only replace your bad problems with good ones. "I have no friends" eventually became "I have so many great friends but not enough time to spend with all of them". It's still a problem, but a good one to have. It didn't switch like that overnight and I had a LOT of heartbreak and bullshit to get to where I'm at.

If any of this advice is tickling your pickle, I highly recommend you give this a read:

https://smile.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive-ebook/dp/B019MMUA8S/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1499620209&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=the+subtle+art+of+not+giving+a+f---+mark+manson

u/llyev · 10 pointsr/getdisciplined

These two books by Cal Newport, one of the best authors on productivity and discipline.

Deep Work

So Good They Can't Ignore You

And also, The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

Aaaand, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

For mindset, I also recommend The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson. It'll teach you to choose your battles carefully, although you can find most of that content in his site.

u/Kingofqueenanne · 10 pointsr/Soulnexus

Welcome to the fun, fringe, uncharted territory of esotericism, spirituality, and cosmic consciousness! If you’re anything like me, perhaps one day these elements were invisible to your awareness, and then the very next day these things became very interesting. It’s funny, I feel like when I flipped “on” a couple of years ago I wanted to hungrily devour any and all pieces of writing that dealt with unseen realms.

Just know that you’re going to come across an incredibly large buffet of esotericsm and sometimes it is mind-bending, other times it is questionable, sometimes it can be purposeful disinfo or sometimes info may come through what I like to call a “muddy channel,” or a person who has clairvoyant talent but carries a lot of personal distortions that influence/color the information.

Some resources that I have bookmarked:

u/Fat_Uncle · 10 pointsr/Anxiety

I relate to a lot of this. Lots of anxiety in my family, on both sides. I was born and raised to have anxious tendencies. First thing you should take to heart: you can get through this and get better than you've ever been before.

It sounds like you realize your thoughts are the problem. Negative, irrational, horrible thoughts that just rip around and around your mind. You need to get control of them by learning to recognize them when they first arise and to let them go. They are just thoughts. Peoples' minds throw lots and lots of thoughts at them to see what they're interested in. Anxious people take one look at a horrible thought and get transfixed by it. We brood over it for hours and hours. We wind up giving them all of our attention, and they make us feel horrible.

If you can't seek help until late August, buy this book: Mindfulness: A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world. You can download it on your iPhone or iPad, Kindle, or whatever. Seriously, trust me on this one.

Here is an article where the author explains how mindfulness helped her get over a lifetime of anxiety. It has had profound effects on me as well. Its effects can take hold in a matter of days or weeks.

u/brokestbenjamin · 10 pointsr/AskReddit

Dude, you need a therapist. I would specifically recommend checking out cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Find a therapist who specializes in CBT, but also do some studying outside of that.

Check out the following:

  • A Guide to Rational Living by Alber Ellis, the founder of REBT and CBT
  • CBT Worksheets: while it's aimed at those recovering from addiction, I would specifically check out the section "Encyclopedia of Rational Coping Statements and Disputations" as it's good stuff for anyone and has nothing to do with addictions incidently, but the underlying issues of addiction (e.g., depression, anxiety, self-acceptance, etc.)

    CBT is based on the foundation that you can change your actions and feelings through your thougts and beliefs. It is irrational beliefs that lead to neurotic and unhealthy emotions and behavior. Other principles are that you need to separate your past actions from your perception of yourself and not let it define you, e.g., you've failed in the past, but that does not make you a failure.

    Ellis' work is beyond amazing and has saved my life. I had been on the track to death being uttlerly depressed and anxious, codependent beyond belief, for over a decade which lead to me being a hopeless heroin/opiate addict for the past 4 years. I just recently went into rehab for the first time where I learned about CBT and it's been a life-changer.

    Since learning about CBT and applying it to my life, I have finally become a mature, sane, and most importantly happy individual. Trust me when I say that if I can do it, anyone can.
u/flubbadu · 10 pointsr/slatestarcodex

&gt; I'm miserable because my circumstances suck.

No, you are miserable because you tell yourself that your circumstances suck. A part of your brain attached a label to your circumstances (not as good as you would like) and then another part of your brain took that label and decided it was the sort of thing it ought to produce misery over.

There are essentially 2 possible paths for you to stop being miserable in such a situation:

  1. Change your circumstances so that you no longer label them as sucky.

  2. Stop labeling your present circumstances as sucky.

    (1) is probably possible, but if you set the bar at becoming a multimillionaire before you allow yourself to stop being miserable, I think you are in for a rough ride. The way your mind is presently, I think even if you made it to being a millionaire you would find new reasons why you ought to be miserable. Hence better option...

    Option (2) can be difficult until you realize that there is nothing objectively true about the suckiness of your circumstances. Sure, in some respects you may be worse off than some other people but that is actual true for everyone except maybe one person. Are we all supposed to be miserable unless we stand at the literal apex of our species? You are probably better off than most humans, you just chose to compare yourself against a highly unusual sample.

    I hope you can see there is a certain irrationality at the root of what you are currently feeling. Someone with positively oriented thinking might have come out of the meetup thinking "What great luck! I got to meet all these successful people and hangout in this awesome house!"

    I find negative emotions are much easier to deal with if you find they lack validity in any objective sense. The subjective labels are arbitrary, so the instrumentally rational thing is to choose different labels make you feel good (or at least, don't make you feel bad). Obviously your conscious mind doesn't have absolute control all the time, and this sort of thing takes practice, but if you push yourself in the direction of being positive, over time I think you will see significant benefits as the rest of your brain starts to get with the program.

    This isn't to say you shouldn't be trying to improve your circumstances. Personally I would recommend pursuing both options—try to improve your life both in external reality and at the same to create habits of positivity in your own mind. There is also a bit of synergy between the two—optimists tend to be more successful.

    Your life is good just as it is and nothing you say could possibly disprove that.


    (For further reading I recommend Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman and the classic A Guide to Rational Living by Albert Ellis.)
u/usrnmsux · 10 pointsr/leanfire

Sure. There's a bit of a story arc where I came to my senses first, then discovered I wanted to unfuck my life, and leanfire principles is a part of that.

The one that started it all was The Art of Happiness. I was miserable and herein the Dali Lama shocked my life with his assertion that the goal of your life is to be happy. I had a mindset that I had to suffer in order to be worthy of good things in life.

Then, if I recall correctly were non buddhist books, but in the realm getting your head straight:Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life: I saw this man's TED talk.

&amp; How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable About Anything

These two go great together to discover that its all in your head and you can change that. I had a terrible inner dialogue and was able to be rid of it. Life Changer!

The I think I read The Wisdom of Insecurity: A Message for an Age of Anxiety probably 10 times over the last 4-5 years &amp; listened to the audio book when falling asleep. This one really underlined how miserable we make ourselves striving for security that isn't to be had. There is wisdom here that constantly reveals itself long after having read it.

The Pema Chodron Audio Collection was a constant go to also.

My most recent listening are lectures by Ajahn Brahm of Buddhist Society of Western Australia - These lectures really turned me around to moving past the pain, fear &amp; worry about changing my life.

\^\^ I really like listening to these while falling asleep or with a nap on the couch on Sat/Sun afternoons.

Some other notables:

Fuck It: The Ultimate Spiritual Way : Saying Fuck It when you're miserable due to expectations and attachments has a real emotional response vs the above which can be very cerebral.

Man's Search for Meaning: Sometimes it's hard to grateful when wrapped up in our own lives. I read this once a year as a refresher. When I'm being ungrateful I try to remember what others have put up with and it calms down my complaining mind.

The Art of Disappearing: Buddha's Path to Lasting Joy : more from Ajahn Brahm - There is a better way to live our lives and not be miserable. Simplicity and lean fire go really well together.

More minimalism than buddhism, but they jive well together:

Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life

Goodbye, Things: The New Japanese Minimalism

Above all I feel these are all about snapping out of the nonsense mindsets &amp; habits many of us have.

Good luck.

u/red_cheese · 10 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

The Subtle Art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson

Many of the books mentioned in this thread borrow from the basic tenets of Stoicism. Mark Manson's book is almost a distillation of the idea of "How to be a stoic" and his writing is very relatable.

u/doctortofu · 10 pointsr/japanlife

Other than not giving a fuck? Not really...

Face it, it will continue to happen, nothing you can do about that, so the question is why do you actually care about them? A good point to start I suppose - first learn WHY they still annoy you, and then work on that...

u/Hynjia · 9 pointsr/GetStudying

"How about I leap with my imperfection"...

&amp;#x200B;

I like how this dovetails really, really well with the idea that procrastination is a challenge of emotional management. You don't overcome challenges by not being challenged. And to be challenged, to risk failure, can be emotionally difficult. Self-compassion, then, says it's not abnormal to be afraid, so it's completely reasonable to be afraid to rise up to the challenge, and, instead of chastising ourselves for it, we should accept the fear and nurture ourselves; it also says that everybody feels fear, so we're not alone and we can actually connect with others from our experience. Take the leap with my imperfection, and feel compassion for ourselves as we take that leap.

u/momentsofnicole · 9 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

I lurk here for advice on how to deal with people in my life.
My atheist friend described us "Christian folk" (such a cute title) as bad with boundaries. It is very true.


The Boundaries book was really helpful to me and remains so.


When I mention my work in trying to build better boundaries, my Mom will say it sounds cold. 😔
Christians generally want to be loving to everyone and narcs can easily use that to manipulate.

Edit to add Amazon link Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life https://smile.amazon.com/dp/0310247454/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_KVpBCbVBAFVCD
(I support World Vision with Amazon Smile)

u/dustbowl_ugly · 9 pointsr/puppy101

This is a great book that has a lot of these tricks and more, all broken down and explained! I love it!

101 Dog Tricks: Step by Step Activities to Engage, Challenge, and Bond with Your Dog https://www.amazon.com/dp/1592533256/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_K0uDDbJ019R7T

u/smoktimus_prime · 8 pointsr/spikes

&gt; I really don't want to give up on standard, as I really enjoy this game, but should I compromise my personal feelings in order to achieve better results?

Eh, if you're not into the deck you are playing, you will always put up subpar results because you will not achieve a "flow state". Flow (http://www.amazon.com/Flow-Psychology-Experience-Mihaly-Csikszentmihalyi/dp/0061339202) is essential for maximum performance in any game or sport.

I'd suggest that you just scour more videos, articles and mtgtop8 results until you find something that appeals to you. Proxy/use tappedout. What appealed to you most about Jund decks of last standard? They don't play the same, but there's a number of competitive Walker builds out there, and IMO Nissa seems criminally underplayed rightnow after making a big splash before rotation.

I have also been struggling to find a deck I like until I settled on Mardu Midrange very recently and am really enjoying it.

u/_ajp · 8 pointsr/MTB

Yes, exactly. Like any sport such as tennis, or any hobby for example where you feel connected to the device. It's called "flow" and a great book on the subject is this:

https://www.amazon.com/Flow-Psychology-Experience-Perennial-Classics/dp/0061339202/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&amp;qid=1540489702&amp;sr=8-2

u/johnfn · 8 pointsr/AdvancedProduction

As much as I want to agree with this, I've always found the whole dictum of 'discipline' to be kinda... lacking. Let me tell you an anecdote.

if I'm good at anything in my entire life, it's probably programming. I've been doing it for 15 years or so. I've made popular games, websites, worked for multiple companies, gainful employment, open source projects with hundreds of thousands of downloads, blah blah blah. Not trying to brag, just trying to get across the point that I am indeed competent.

Anyways, I hear people on Reddit saying that you need discipline and that you should just force yourself to do it even if you don't want to. Thing is, did I use discipline to get as good as I am at programming?

No.

I do programming because I enjoy it. Programming is one of the most fun activities that I do. Heck, I was programming just now (at 2AM) before I switched over to Reddit to troll some people - err, I mean respond to your post. :) Just doing some fun little side work, and enjoying myself. There's nothing disciplined about what I was doing. I didn't force myself to open up my IDE. I just did, because it's fun. This is 100% the essence of what makes me a good programmer.

And so when I see everyone on Reddit saying that discipline is the way to enlightenment, I get sad. Because if I had followed that ideology instead of doing the stuff that I enjoy, I wouldn't be who I am today.

Humans aren't robots. If you take a guy and force him to do with discipline an activity he isn't really enjoying, he's still not going to enjoy it. He'll feel bad that he doesn't like it, and he'll get distracted and disappointed in himself for getting distracted, and etc etc.

If you take a guy and let him do an activity he wants to do, you won't have to force him or make him disciplined. He'll just do it automatically and get good at it.

The great thing about it is that you can really learn to enjoy almost any activity by learning how to get into flow state while doing it. There's been a couple of good books written on it.

Now if Reddit had chosen to focus on flow, rather than discipline, as the way to get good and steady improvements, then that would have been awesome! But they didn't, and that makes me disappointed. Not to write off discipline entirely, as it's important to know that not every time you do something is going to be as amazing as the first time. And discipline can sometimes lead to flow states.

The problem is that Reddit seems to celebrate 'forcing yourself to work'. That, to me, is incredibly dumb. If you're not enjoying your work, that means that something about your workflow is incorrect and needs to be fixed. It's like trying to continue to drive with a flat tire. Eventually you could cause damage if you don't figure out what's going on.

Anyone who does that is going to get rapidly surpassed by people that don't need to force themselves to do anything because they do it for the love of it.

u/aiguilledumidi · 8 pointsr/brasil

Tenho TOC, o que mais me incomodava eram os pensamentos intrusivos, as vezes eu via claramente eu matando as pessoas, mesmo da família, eram pensamentos bem gráficos, não só pessoas como animais também. Tenho tiques também, seja de olhar pro relógio e ver alguns números, ou colocar e tirar e colocar e tirar e colocar e tirar a chave do buraco da porta ou do carro, apagar e acender luzes, movimentos com os olhos, e mais um monte de coisa, inclusive escrever, apagar e escrever de novo, se for a mão, eu reescrevo em cima, meu caderno sempre foi cheio de palavras com a escrita grossa devido as repetições. Pensamentos que me via agarrando as pessoas e tascando-lhes beijos calientes, mesmo com minha vó, era só eu conversar com alguém que aquele pensamento vinha, podia ser meus pais, meu professor, qualquer pessoa que eu conversasse, o pensamento vinha. Ou até mesmo os pensamentos sexuais, seja na rua, seja onde for, eles apareciam, era só ver um rabo de saia e lá estava meu pensamento.

Uns 2-3 anos atrás comecei a me interessar como funcionava a mente, comecei a ler sobre Flow, porém não terminei, o livro é cheio de explicações que eu não entendia nada. Depois fui indo mais pro lado da meditação e mindfulness, comecei a ler sobre também, li esse que me abriu bem a cabeça em relação aos pensamentos e medos (muita gente pode falar "AH MAS É AUTO AJUDA", eu sei, mas pra quem ta na merda, qualquer coisa pode ajudar) hoje leio esse livro, é voltado tanto para pacientes como para terapeutas, ele explica bastante coisa sobre ansiedade, medos, tem exercícios também, fala bastante de mindfulness que seria atenção plena, tem bastante livro sobre isso, estou nele há um bom tempo já, mas quero ir até o final.

Cheguei a ler um livro sobre TOC mesmo, depois de ler os outros, esse chegou em hora certa para mim, como eu já sabia mais ou menos como o TOC agia em mim, eu lia as coisas e pensava "po, o cara em tal livro tinha falado disso", só que eu não conseguia ver como usar aquilo no TOC, eu recomendo MUITO esse livro pra quem tem TOC.

Hoje faço tratamento com fluoxetina (luvox 150mg) e psicoterapia, eu comecei a fazer e não estava em crise, já estava tomando o remédio há uns 3 meses, a terapeuta mesmo diz que hoje eu estou super bem, e eu mesmo percebo isso (eu também tinha fobia social). Acho que o auto conhecimento é super importante quando você se trata de um distúrbio mental, pra saber como como ele funciona e poder reagir a ele.


A minha terapeuta fala bastante de não se deixar levar pelos pensamentos, de estar sempre presente. Eu quando começo a pensar em coisas que sei que não são reais, ou são dúvidas do TOC, eu falo pra mim mesmo que aquilo não é real e é fruto do TOC. O que me ajuda bastante também é identificar o que é TOC e o que não é, assim eu sei quando devo me preocupar com alguma coisa ou não.


Se quiser conversar mais só mandar mp.


TLDR: Contei minha trajetória na minha guerra contra o TOC, recomendei livros e como faço pra evitar me levar pelos pensamentos.

u/andersonenvy · 8 pointsr/GetMotivated
u/zapbark · 8 pointsr/sysadmin

Had a really frustrating work trip a few weeks ago In the airport on the way back I saw this book:

The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck:

https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713/ref=sr_1_1

It is really good, I enjoyed it.

u/saosebastiao · 8 pointsr/Seahawks

The idea that some fans are true and some are fairweather or bandwagon fans is just a way for some people to feel better about themselves. They want to feel like their sacrifice for their team was meaningful in some way, and they try to elevate their status by pushing everyone else down.

You don't have to sit through 2 decades of shit seasons to call yourself a Seahawks fan. Hell, you can even be a Bears fan and a Seahawks fan at the same time. Some people will get bent out of shape and try to make you feel like shit for it. I strongly recommend that you learn how to not give a fuck. There is no reason you need to justify why you like the hawks to people that would shit on you anyway.

Go ahead, call yourself a hawks fan. Let people hate you for it. Fuck them, they don't matter one bit.

u/linkin4567 · 8 pointsr/india

Hey buddy, I have been on both the sides, one half of the college I had the same feelings as you, and other half i was the President,member and had dozens of meetings to attend and conduct.

I think it was a fundamental shift in my mentality where I wanted to take control of my life, instead of just cribbing. Join a club, volunteer somewhere, learn music, but whatever you do - promise yourself that you'll do it for 6 months no matter how much you hate it or it doesn't interest you.

These things matter not because of their value on resume, but building social circles, interacting with people from different places builds your character. And what you've said about depression, hang in there buddy, things always get better.

I would suggest reading this book: https://www.amazon.in/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving/dp/0062641549

u/The_Biggest_Monkey · 8 pointsr/AskReddit

Hi! Psych major + bookworm over here. Some well written and accessible books that I've enjoyed reading are:

Thinking Fast and Slow from Kahneman http://www.amazon.com/Thinking-Fast-Slow-Daniel-Kahneman/dp/0374533555/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1375192703&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=kahneman+thinking+fast+and+slow

Willpower: discovering the greatest human strength by Baumeister http://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human-Strength/dp/0143122231/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;amp;ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1375192853&amp;amp;sr=1-1&amp;amp;keywords=willpower

And Outliers by Gladwell http://www.amazon.com/Outliers-Story-Success-Malcolm-Gladwell/dp/0316017930/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&amp;amp;ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1375192928&amp;amp;sr=1-2&amp;amp;keywords=10000+hours

Baumeister and Kahneman are the leading figures on the research done within their particalur fields and these books show a glimpse inside of the kitchen, so to speak. (Iḿ not 100% sure about Gladwell, Iḿ on my phone atm). The books are well written, accessible, entertaining and fascinating.

u/mrdaneeyul · 8 pointsr/TrueChristian

I suggest you pick up the book Boundaries, by Henry Cloud. It should help you understand your parents' motivations as well as how to handle the situation.

As you are an adult: respecting your dad doesn't mean that you can't make your own decisions. Honoring your parents doesn't mean they are allowed to control you. You will likely have to sit down with them and have some difficult conversations. You can do this in a loving and respectful manner, while at the same time setting healthy boundaries.

/u/jonathan_c asks if you're still living with them. If you are, and you can't work things out through respectful discussion, it may be worth getting your own place. This may be painful, but keep in mind that you can't control how your parents react--only how you act.

u/53920592 · 8 pointsr/exmormon

First, you're not alone. I was in my early 30's when I lost my faith and it took me 2 years to get over the depression and existential vacuum that Joe's lies left behind.

I was able to eventually work my way through it without meds or any serious counseling, but it was a grueling couple of years. Everyone has to figure out their own path, but what helped me most was reading from others who had faced the same existential vacuum and found a way to navigate it. A few titles that I would highly recommend are:

  • The Power of Now by Tolle.
  • Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Best on audiobook.
  • Man's Search for Meaning by Frankl.
  • Man's Search for Ultimate Meaning (A follow-on of above--focus on the later chapters in this book.)
  • The Alchemist by Coelho.
  • A New Earth by Tolle.
  • A Confession by Tolstoy. Free download.
  • What I Believe, also by Tolstoy and a follow-on to the above Tolstoy book. Free download at link if you look for it.

    The above, coupled with a lot of patience, exercise, sleep, and proper diet got me through my deep existential crisis. The existentialism still shows up now and then, but it's totally manageable. Good luck to you! You'll have good days and worse days, but stick with it!--I promise it gets better!
u/lovelynihilism · 8 pointsr/cringepics

I can understand why you're getting frustrated with other people's responses so I'm going to suggest some practical steps that start with easy and safe actions. Read this book and this book. After the second book, start practicing mindfulness meditation regularly. Also start exercising regularly if you don't already and learn a bit about nutrition and eating healthier. These are all evidence backed ways for you to feel better about yourself and deal with problems you have socially. As a side note, I know it's a cliche thing to say, but looks aren't everything. Practice good hygiene, wear clothes that fit and don't underestimate what a bit of confidence and self-deprecating humour can do for your level of attractiveness. Better confidence will come by following the above steps.

u/baddspellar · 8 pointsr/psychology

People adapt to both positive and negative events, and their happiness levels are not affected as much by circumstances as one would expect. This was famously shown in "Lottery winners and accident victims: is happiness relative?" . This is known as "Hedonic Adaptation". The popular psychology book Stumbling on Happiness by Dan Gilbert goes into this and many other surprising findings in happiness research.

u/TheRainMonster · 8 pointsr/loseit

I very much recommend reading "The Willpower Instinct" by Kelly McGonigal. The book examines what happens in the brain when faced with situations where we have to exert willpower to avoid temptations, whether involving food, finances, cigarettes, sex, etc. I can't tell you how helpful it's been to be able to recognize when my brain is trying to mess with me, and moreover to work to make sure I prepare for that so I'm less likely to give in at those ties.

Here's a link to a google talk she did which goes over some material from the book.

u/Quantum0mega · 8 pointsr/Stoicism

Don't think about a pink elephant.

Forget about the fact that your heart is beating.

Don't become aware that your nose is actually in your field of vision.

I'm sure that you failed miserably at all these tasks. Our minds work a bit paradoxically when it comes to influencing our thoughts. Much of what we experience as thought is merely what we are holding in our conscious awareness. Because of this, trying to 'not' have certain feelings or thoughts usually makes us have them even more frequently. Then as we become more frustrated and anxious these thoughts become a perpetual cycle of negativity and distress.

So, what are some practical solutions to this conundrum?

Well, like most issues concerning the mind, you cannot always tackle the problem head on. If the mind is a house then the front and back door are heavily locked, better to climb in through a window.

The best modern school of thought that I have found to offer practical solutions to these sort of problems is CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy. (Learning about this therapy actually led me to discovering Stoic philosophy I might add!). CBT, much like stoicism, suggests that much of our distress is the result of irrational thoughts and behaviors. It offers quite a few scientifically backed exercises and techniques for combating such troubling thoughts.

Here are a few quick CBT techniques that have helped me tremendously.

  1. Reframe the way you understand thoughts. Although many people feel as though they are controlling their thoughts. Often times, what we may perceive as us having a 'thought' is simply something grabbing hold of our conscious awareness. With practice, you can begin to differentiate between the thoughts that are in your control and those that are simply popping in your head because of your current environment/context.

  2. Learn to accept and detach from unwanted thoughts. Unwanted or 'Intrusive' thoughts will always be with you. Best to just accept that fact. As I'm sure you have experienced, struggling with trying to make such thoughts and emotions go away more often then not only makes them more intense and recur more frequently. When they do pop up, don't panic or try to make them go away. Instead, relabel them and allow them to be there. Just notice that you having thought 'x' and say to yourself, oh there's thought 'x'. With enough practice you will learn which thoughts are your most intrusive ones and it will become easier and easier to detach from them. By not reacting to these thoughts negatively and keeping yourself calm when they arise. You will begin to weaken the association between these thoughts and any negative emotions that may be coupled with them. Often such thoughts become coupled with negative emotions because we fight so desperately to try and make them go away. I believe that meditation is such a tremendous therapeutic tool because it is essentially the practice of learning to detach from your thoughts. So I would highly recommend giving meditation a shot to kick start learning to handle your thoughts better.

  3. Refocus your mind on thoughts and behaviours that are more rational. This will also become much easier once you learn to detach and label your intrusive thoughts better. You will begin to realize over time that just because a negative thought is present, does not mean that it represents reality. It only means that the thought is present in your mind, nothing more or less. By refocusing our attention after accepting intrusive thoughts, we shift our conscious awareness from these thoughts and lessen their chances of recurrence. While you couldn't stop yourself from thinking about the pink elephant, I bet you forgot about him by the time you were looking at your nose!

    Whew, hope that helps. If your interested in learning more about using CBT for everyday life I highly recommend picking up a copy of The Happiness Trap

    TLDR; Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is fucking awesome!
u/Scampire · 8 pointsr/TheBluePill
  1. If you can, get ye to a therapist- look for someone who does CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy)- they will give you the tools you need to disarm these thoughts. This isn't a judgmental thing, you are having intrusive thoughts and they are impacting your life.

  2. Get your hands on "The Happiness Trap"- it will help you deal with the intrusive thoughts "https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841&quot;
u/Limeitini · 8 pointsr/cripplingalcoholism

Man that sucks. I know you hate that job so I really hope you can find another one soon. That is probably what is causing this crushing depression because you have to deal with it (the job) on a daily damn basis.
I guess the only upside, if you can call it that, is to realize that once you do get out of that job the depression will lift.

Recently a friend of mine recommended a book to me, it's called The subtle art of not giving a fuck.... and said it was the best book because it basically teaches you how to deal with negative shit without letting it wreck your entire mood and existence. She recommended it to me because I also have a situation that depresses me that I need to deal with, so I plan to get this book very soon. Maybe it would be a good read for you too? It got a lot of amazing reviews.

https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive-ebook/dp/B019MMUA8S/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1540213338&amp;amp;sr=8-2&amp;amp;keywords=the+subtle+art+of+not+giving+a+f---+mark+manson

Good luck. BTW congrats on the sobriety. At least you got that.... and the exercise and other positive things too.

u/al_b69 · 8 pointsr/BipolarSOs

How long have you been with him/her? I was married to one (currently separated) and she is absolutely fine lying and cheating on me. As a psychologist friend said: "Lacking empathy is common in bipolar .... [snipped] .... is really some chemical imbalance that makes bipolar perceive world in a warped sense of reality that does not fit with generally accepted values".

You still are in love with your ex and it is OK to remain in love with them. The vacant space you're feeling only means there is room for next person to fill it. There comes a time when you need to separate love from relationship, the illness from the person.

The thought you could have had a rosy future and a great marriage was never there. It wasn't real to begin with. Letting go of the fantasy is the first step to moving on. A relationship generally starts great but the good bits with the ugly parts is what constitute a real relationship. With bipolar, they can be extremely nice to you and turn cold the next minute.

Are you sure you can live with their spending spree, irrational thoughts, mood swings, lack of empathy, infidelity (hypersexuality), delusions, grandiosity and to top it off, they can turn violent or harm themselves? How about not being able to sleep well (due to hyper vigilance) next to a bipolar for the rest of your life? You haven't been through what I had past 18 years - like being exposed to possible STD from SO's unprotected sex romp behind my back and having 6 months of anxiety until the STD test clears me.

As Mark Manson wrote "In life, our f&amp;cks must be spent on something. There really is no such thing as not giving a f&amp;ck. The question is simply how we each choose to allot our f&amp;cks. You only get a limited number of f&amp;cks to give over your lifetime, so you must spend them with care." His book is #1 in a few Amazon's category. Worth a read IMHO.

Hang in there. Time will heal you, get support from friends, family or therapy.

u/proper_vibes · 7 pointsr/ZenHabits

Yes, and I was completely baffled to see the link gives no reference or credit to the man who has done much of this research. Just because his name is damn near impossible to spell is no reason not to credit the author. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi - Flow

u/pickup_sticks · 7 pointsr/intj

Sounds like you're in a flow state, which is awesome. A couple books you might like:

Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience

The Rise of Superman: Decoding the Science of Ultimate Human Performance

u/PlumpFish · 7 pointsr/Discipline

You are not alive so that you may entertain yourself as much as possible and then die. You are meant for more. The search for more- discovering, then rediscovering why you're here, what your gifts are, this will last your whole life.

Discipline helps you accomplish something. But you need to figure out what to accomplish. The good and bad news is nobody knows. This is yours, and everyone's internal journey.

Use your gifts, involve other people. Are you a good singer? Sing for others. Are you a good cook? Cook for others. Are you strong? Help people move. Are you smart? Create an app, invest wisely, cure a disease. Are you really good at shooting a rubber-band from your fingers? Make youtube videos about it. Perform for sick kids in hospitals. It doesn't matter how big or small your gifts are. Share them.

I will give you an example from my life. I'm in my early 30's. I'm a good writer and speaker. My goal in life is to help others feel less alone. My strong social senses are insight and empathy. I like making others laugh, I like challenging regularly accepted ideas and tinkering with fringe ideas. So- I write friends letters, emails, Facebook messages to connect with them. I write funny personal essays and read around my city/online. I exercise to be confident/attractive (enough) to the opposite sex. I volunteer at Special Olympics coaching soccer. I seek out people going through hard times and connect with them, look them in the eyes and allow them to be who they are. I volunteer at the skid row mission. All of this helps and strengthens my soul. But for money, I program. I chose programming because I can enter Flow states during it, so even though it's work and can often suck, it can be really rewarding. Read Flow and design aspects of your life around it: https://www.amazon.com/Flow-Psychology-Experience-Perennial-Classics/dp/0061339202. It's taken me my entire life to figure all of this stuff out about myself, and I'm still learning and growing. One day I may hate all of this.

Let me give you some examples of where I lack discipline: I wanted to write a book 5 years ago. I started it, never finished. Discipline will help me finish it, but knowing myself was what allowed me to know I had the ability to write and something worth saying. Also, some days I just play video games for 10 hours. I ignore everything. Discipline helps limit/reduce those days.

I want you to think about the idea of production and consumption. When you watch TV/Youtube, you are consuming. Reading a book, consuming. Eating pizza, consuming. If you make your parents spaghetti, you're producing. Paint a picture, producing. Arrange flowers into a bouquet and then give them to someone, producing. Find a good balance in your life between these things. Everyone is different. The fact that you wrote this post makes me think you're a little high on consumption and a little low on production. Decide how you're going to change, then use discipline to execute those changes.

u/highstrungbarbie · 7 pointsr/relationship_advice

I tell people this a lot, and it really depends on the person, but I'll try to make a list! To focus on ourselves basically means to better our confidence and our general well-being. Focusing on ourselves is basically keeping busy while improving ourselves at the same time. Because at the end of the day, we can't rely on others to lift us up. It helps to have people there, but we will always have ourselves. Focusing on ourselves means just living our lives and not worrying about trying to find another person to help fill the empty void in our hearts, but at the same time, while doing our own thing and just living life, this is when we may meet other people or potential future partners along the way. So either way, it's a win-win situation.

  • write, journal, let everything out. Hold nothing back. There's a lot of cool notebooks to choose from out there specifically tailored to give you topics to focus on, like writing prompt journals, or there's gratitude journals as well
  • which leads me to my next point, write out a list of what your grateful for
  • write out a list of your current goals or any improvements you would like to make, then look at it every day or post it somewhere you can easily see in your room
  • Friends have recommended the book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" (I still haven't read it but I heard it's good)
  • I also heard this book is really good too "You Are a Badass"
  • hike, pick a trail, set a goal to make it to the top of a hill to help build your endurance (I have a friend who also loves to do this while making videos of himself talking to himself and just reflecting on life)
  • go to social events like parties or shows
  • focus on your career and work on that promotion, or if you still don't have one yet or you're unsure, this is the perfect time to figure that out and make a list of what you really love and have passion for
  • remind yourself that you are awesome and deserving of the best, every day or at least once a week
  • remain humble and never cocky
  • depending on your age, go to bars and hang with friends and also depending on where you live, go to a barcade if you like video games or old arcade-style games while drinking
  • hang with friends and have on one one convos with them about life (you really learn a lot)
  • learn how to cook something that you can see yourself enjoying for the rest of your life (cooking is a great skill to have, and many women really love men that know how to cook)
  • get a new hair cut, or buy some new clothes, a new video game, a new anything. Treat yo self
  • become your own best friend (it's really not as lame as you think)
  • pick up a new hobby, whether it's an outdoor or indoor activity, like photography
  • if you're still in school, maybe join any groups or clubs
  • definitely exercise since it helps build muscle, keeps you fit, and helps boost those endorphins making you feel better in the long run
  • if you're the artsy type, go to art galleries, and if you feel so inclined, even invite a female friend to join you
  • take a mini road trip with your friends if possible
  • write a short story
  • Dare yourself to try a new foreign dish for the first time and live life on the "edge"
  • help volunteer somewhere
  • pay a stranger a compliment
  • do one good deed for someone every week or month
  • visit some place you've always wanted to go to

    I know there's so much more you can do, but I hope some of these can help for now! Basically just go out there and live your life and have as much fun as possible.
u/pytoast · 7 pointsr/booksuggestions

I don't know if it's considered a personal development book, but I really enjoyed reading The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck by Mark Manson, it's a great self-help book.

u/ThisSuperhero · 7 pointsr/suggestmeabook

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck - Mark Manson


I mean, he's not a licensed psychologist or anything and therefore lacks some credibility. Nevertheless, I really did enjoy reading it and he does have some good points. Other than that it is just quite fun to read.

Hell, some people would probably rage and be all like "He doesn't know what he's talking about!!!" but those people need to read the book.

u/cojohnso · 7 pointsr/AskMenOver30

I know that self-help books are hit or miss, at best, but I’ve been going through my own relationship struggles. While reading about attachment styles &amp; boundary creation here on Reddit, the list below are some of the books (on Amazon) that kept popping up in Reddit discussions. Haven’t read them yet, but I did order them, &amp; they’re supposedly arriving today - I can update w/ my thoughts &amp; feedback, if anyone is interested.

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0805087001/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_7gE4BbB2R5DZY



Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind - and Keep - Love

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1585429139/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_giE4BbJ3RKFRN




Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553386395/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_VhE4BbQ84219T


Another name that I’ve seen referenced a bunch here on Reddit is Mark Manson - he has a ”Guide to Strong Boundaries,” which I’ve also included a link to below

https://www.google.com/amp/s/markmanson.net/boundaries/amp

Mark Manson is famous for this book, amongst others

*The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life**

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_mrE4BbHBCFCS6


Dunno if this may help, but I do know that learning about one’s own attachment style, love language, etc can at least be a great start to a better relationship with yourself. As for the relationship with one’s partner? Boundaries! Boundaries are crucial.

...man, do I suck at boundaries!

u/apikoros18 · 7 pointsr/MultipleSclerosis

I was diagnosed RRMS in Feb 2002. I was re-diagnosed in Feb 2017 with Secondary Progressive. When you said this:

&gt; how am I supposed to accept this new reality? I suppose I just sort of have to? Not like I have a choice in the matter... I guess it takes time.

It just hit me, again, hard. I am into this thing for a LONG time now, and I am still adjusting. I am still accepting the new normal.

I wish I could give you a better answer. I recently finished the Subtle Art of not Giving a Fuck

It's the usual blend of BS pop psych and what not, but one thing really really hit me: You cannot accept responsibility for what happens. You can only take responsibility for how you react to it.

I have good days. I have bad days.

I have a ton of spinal lesions, and most of my MS stuff is below the waist. When I was DXed with the secondary progressive, the doctor said he didn't really understand how I still walked without aid or a wheel chair.

Anyway, for years I had horrid shitting problems. Explosive, violent, painful and horrific shits. Like something HR Geiger would draw. Perhaps Jackson Pollack if instead of Oils he used poop.

This week, I had to have a colonoscopy. Everyone talks about how awful the prep is. How disgusting, how painful and how gross.

Well, let me tell you--- Compared to my MS Shits, this was nothing. I could do that every day--- fuck, twice a day, rather than have one of my MS Shit 'Splosions

It made me realize, again, that we deal with our MS, our issues and our symptoms as best we can. That what we have does become a new normal.

That something we deal with everyday is both a new normal--- and an old horrible.

But it makes us so strong.

I am an Atheist but I grew up Old-School Jewish.

Yet, I love this good old line, I think it may be from the Jesuits.

No one is given a cross to heavy for them to carry.

Good luck, I hope my ramblings weren't too, well, rambly--- and feel free to PM me as the journey of MS takes you down its weird and wild path.

u/thatsfuckedup · 7 pointsr/relationships

Boundaries

Set them.

EDIT: Or, spend money on pre-marriage couples counseling. Not the wedding, not one dollar.

u/LiveLongAndFI · 7 pointsr/personalfinance

What if 5 years from now you want a house for yourself? You will not be able to get a second mortgage. Will you kick out your brother to sell that house? You might benefit from reading this book http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454

u/tryintomakesenseofit · 7 pointsr/exmormon

Over the past several years I've personally gravitated toward a blend of stoicism and "secular Christianity." I know many others go the route of secular Buddhism (Noah Rasheta, who is also an exMo runs secularbuddhism.com which you might want to check out) and others (most?) simply go the route of ethical hedonism.

I personally gravitated toward stoicism because it isn't a religion and has no real religious underpinning. Instead, it's normally referred to as just a "philosophy of life." It has worked well for me as a backfill to religion. You'll also find that different people have different views of what it means to "practice" stoicism, so it's nice in that you can kind of adapt it to fit your personal preferences.

Here are some recommendations if you want to look into it:

  • Start with this easy article for a nice overview. Then continue to read other articles on the How to be a Stoic blog. It's a great resource.

  • I'd recommend this book as well. It can be a bit long in places, but it's an easy read and gives an awesome overview.

  • Finally, you should also read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. I have an audio version from Audible that's excellent and I enjoyed listening to it much more than reading it, but there are free copies all over the place to download and read in Kindle if you just Google it.

    Aside from stoicism, studying and learning about philosophy in general has been a huge cushion for me in dealing with the existential crisis that often follows losing belief in Mormonism. Google the Philosophize This! podcast and start at episode 1 if you're interested. It's great. I also really enjoy the Philosophy Bites podcast. Other than the above, the following were also very helpful to me in finding a approach to life without "God" and without religion:

  • The Power of Now by Tolle.

  • The Happiness Trap by Harris.

  • Man's Search for Meaning by Frankl.

  • Man's Search for Ultimate Meaning (A follow-on of above--focus on the later chapters in this book.)

  • The Alchemist by Coelho.

  • A New Earth by Tolle.

  • A Confession by Tolstoy. Free download.

  • What I Believe, also by Tolstoy and a follow-on to the above Tolstoy book. Free download at link if you look for it. Auido book here.

    All of the above combined with a few long years of figuring things out got me to a good place. But everyone's journey is different, so do what you think will work best for you...and good luck!


u/PhilthePenguin · 7 pointsr/Christianity

&gt;Where do you draw the line between religion and superstitious nonsense? Frankly, I'm having a difficult time separating them at all. Too many people say, "I don't understand how that works, therefore God."

There are principles for reasonable belief. The three I can think of are:

  1. Faith must not conflict with what you know. Faith exceeds knowledge, but it cannot bypass it.
  2. Make sure your beliefs are internally consistent (you'd be surprised how many Christians ignore this principle)
  3. Your faith must be living: transforming you into a better person. A faith that makes you into a worse person is a bad faith.

    &gt;Assuming that Christianity is correct, how can one know with a little more certainty? I'm willing to make a leap of faith, but without some credible evidence, it's like trying to ford the Mississippi river. Can we bring it a little closer to "caulk the wagon and float it across?"

    Short answer: yes. Long answer: yes, but it's going to require some research on your part, and by research I don't mean a few google searches. Books can be a good friend. Some others here may be able to recommend good books about the historicity of Jesus and the church, but I tend to favor the philosophical and metaphysical.

    &gt;Assuming there exists some evidence sufficient to convince me of Christianity's veracity, which version is correct and how can one know? Or does it really matter, since every Christian church agrees on the most important points?

    It's incredible unlikely that any given church is correct on every single point of doctrine. The best you can do is take up the protestant ethic by studying for yourself to see which doctrines appear to be the most reasonable. Looking for the "correct" church is a red herring, in my opinion.

    Examining your faith can be a very rewarding experience, even if you end up becoming atheist/agnostic. Just don't take in more than you think you are ready for.
u/DoraKnez · 7 pointsr/Instagramreality

Oh darling I want to give you a big hug. Staring into a mirror and obsessing over every perceived flaw will only magnify them so it becomes all you can see. It's a very unhealthy thing to do and is really going to distort your body image. If you then compare it to the fake images carefully selected for social media then of course you will come up short. I'm sure you are much more attractive than you give yourself credit for. But most importantly you are you and you are a person deserving of love and worthy in your own right.

I would echo to stay away from social media and work on your self esteem and self love. Spend time developing interests you enjoy and do them instead of staring into mirrors, I would even go so far as to remove mirrors from your bedroom or wherever you spend most of your time. Take the focus away from your image.

I would really recommend some mindfulness to help calm your anxiety. This book really helped me, the daily meditations are short (5-10 minutes) so not a big time commitment but can gave big results.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-guide-finding-frantic/dp/074995308X1

u/crayonsred · 7 pointsr/marriedredpill

Check out Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman, if you haven't already.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1400078393

It's a Cognitive Behavioral Technique that uses the acronym ABCD.

For example:

Adversity: I set a boundary, and my wife gave me a huge test.
Belief: Her test means I didn't set the boundary right. I did something wrong.
Consequence: I replay it over and over in my head and get emotionally wrapped up.
Disputation: Her test is just her being a woman. It has nothing to do with the way I set the boundary. I did nothing wrong.

u/oblique63 · 7 pointsr/INTP

Ishmael - If you ever wondered what it would be like to be a telepathic gorilla, this will probably give you the closest answer.

The 5 Elements of Effective Thinking - The INTP Toolbox.

The Willpower Instinct - Because we all know we could use a bit more of it around here...

Emotional Vampires - A survival guide to protect your Fe

How To Create A Mind - Since it's ultimately the only thing we really seem to care about, it's interesting to think how we could theoretically create a 'backup' for it eventually

The Talent Code - In case you haven't quite figured out how to go about mastering skills yet.

u/snoozyd87 · 7 pointsr/getdisciplined

Hi, 31M, fighting depression, acute social anxiety disorder and suicidal tendencies. I am doing good now. Had a scare a few months ago when a close family member fell really ill, and I really started to put in the effort to turn my life around. It is a work in progress, but I am doing well. My advice:

  1. Realize, first and foremost, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, everything is okay. If you are an Introvert, that is perfectly fine, in fact that is a cause for celebration. You see the world runs on profit, on selling you shit you don't need and is actually harmful to you, and you being introvert is bad for business. Being calm, self-aware, introspective means no more impulse purchases, no more stress-eating, no more constant sugar rush, and most importantly no more addictions. Good for you, horrible for selling you supersaturated soda, processed junk food and drugs.

  2. Realize that being shy and socially awkward is not the same as introversion. These often rise from our deep rooted emotions and conflicts, sometimes we are not aware of them. I'll give a simple example, I have lower back pain since childhood. I recently started exercising and found a fantastic fitness channel on YT. I realized that the cause of my pain was that my Glutes are terribly weak, and my Abs are weak too. My back hurts not because there's something wrong with it, but because it is overworked. My back has to put in 3 times the effort just to stabilize my core and help move my spine. Similarly, The real cause of all your emotional distress can be found, and healed, only when you start to exercise. Which means:

  3. Meditate. Common sense, buddy, just as nobody but yourself can gift you with a healthy and athletic body, only you can find joy and happiness in yourself once you clean out all that fear and anxiety in your mind. Of course, a good teacher or a good book helps, just as with exercise. Simple breathing meditation. Sit comfortably. Take a deep breath. Exhale. Focus on the flow of breath. The mind will wander. Gently bring it back. Try it, start with what I did: try to perform just 3 perfect cycles. If you want to understand the scientific basis for why Meditation works, read: The Mind Illuminated | John Yates, Matthew Immergut, Jeremy Graves

    Some more reading: If you want to know how meditation helps the mind, read the best book on cognitive therapy:Feeling Good | David Burns.

    For instructions on breathing and mindfulness meditation, there are many great resources online. Also check out /r/Meditation.

  4. The one thing, the one attribute that defines us and helps us most in time of need is Willpower. There is this reservoir of strength inside you, an untapped fountain of energy that will sweep away all the uncertainty, fear and pain once you tap into it. Read this: The Will power Instinct | Kelly McGonigal.

  5. Develop some good habits. Wake up early. Keep tidy. Meditate. Exercise. Eat healthy. Read. Habits play a crucial role in forming us, and many of these habits are critical to our success or failure. Read this: The Power of Habit | Charles Duhigg.

  6. Finally, find a goal in your life. A goal that fulfills you, gives you purpose, and makes you whole. We have a word in Sanskrit: 'Samriddhi'. It means physical, mental and spiritual fulfillment. An observation: your financial well-being is a key factor in your happiness, because it directly affects you and your ability to care for and help others. Understanding how money works and how to enjoy a steady and growing flow of income is a key skill that is often neglected. Yes it is a skill that can be learned and trained just like exercise, with just a bit of help from our old friend willpower.

  7. Lastly remember you are not weak, fragile, pushover or any of these silly things. You are good. You are beautiful, strong and confident, and don't you dare think otherwise.

    I leave you with this song: Get up! Be good. PM me if you need anything.
u/archaicfrost · 7 pointsr/fatlogic

&gt;1,100 calories daily, and burning off 600 or so of that every other day

Do less. I don't mean eat less, I mean do less. 1,100 calories is not really enough for anyone, let alone for someone 5'9". Some calculations for a female, 5'9" weighing 230lbs (don't know your age so I put in 25, and no bf% guess entered either) estimates a BMR of 1856 (this would be how much you burn just lying in bed being alive) and even sedentary activity level is a TDEE of 2227 (that's with general day to day activity like walking around and sitting upright), so at a 500kcal deficit we're talking 1700kcal and at a 1000kcal deficit we're still talking 1227kcal. On a day that you were burning an extra 600 that means you were burning a total of ~2800kcal and only eating 1100kcal to replenish - no wonder you had hunger pangs and all that jazz. So don't push quite so hard, make it more sustainable. The whole "eating at a deficit that I'm always hungry" is why so many people fail diets - they try too hard, they're hungry and miserable, they give up.


Self control gets you started, but it's unreasonable to expect yourself to ALWAYS practice self control/willpower, so you need to just make it so dead simple, and a habit, that it's just easier to do it than it is to fall off the wagon.


You say you lost your self control and motivation, but those should be intrinsic, they need to come from inside yourself. You were depressed, you lost a friend, and you started eating in excess - did that in any way make you happier? Did you really feel any better while or after eating that large pizza? I'm suspecting the answer is NO, and that's the thing. From all those years you've convinced yourself that when you are unhappy or sad that eating will make you happy, but it doesn't, it just makes things worse. You have to reprogram your brain and this will take time.

From here I can only suggest what I know helped me - two non-diet/health/fitness books: The Willpower Instinct and Self Compassion (or maybe I liked The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion better, I can't remember which was which now)

I wish you the best. Acknowledging that there is a problem and having an awareness of it are the first and most important steps.

u/admlshake · 7 pointsr/OkCupid

People should read this book. My therapist recommended it to me after we had a talk about how BS it is to try and be happy 100% of the time. Was a damn good read and turned my outlook around on some things.

u/helleraine · 7 pointsr/dogs

Um, he's a seven month old labrador who sounds woefully under stimulated. Time to wear his brain out, if you can't wear his body out.

u/thecotton · 7 pointsr/BorderCollie

TRAINING

As for training, if you are really against going to puppy class, I'd pick up a book. I think an easy to read/follow book is; 51 Puppy Tricks. It's well written and easy to follow--... it does a great job of explaining tricks in levels, and has some cool ones in there. I have this book and I refer to it for ideas. There is also '101 dog tricks'

Some tips about training;

  • Training should ALWAYS be fun. This is how you get a puppy to be happy to do it. Do not yell, scold, or get frustrated with your puppy. If you find yourself getting frustrated, stop training, take a break.

  • SOCIALIZATION. From 8-12 weeks, this is when a puppy is most open to being socialized. You need to teach them everything, but because they don't have all their shots, you have to be safe about it. The dog will need to meet children, meet black people, fat people, asian people, white people, skinny people, tall people, short people, tall dogs, small dogs, medium dogs, people with sunglasses, people with hats, skateboards, bikes, wagons, loud noises, kitchen noises, STAIRS, STAIRS, STAIRS, elevators, cars, moving cars, MOVING CARS, SERIOUSLY, MOVING CARS-- you don't want a border that wants to herd cars. That will not end well.

    Socialization is the most IMPORTANT PART of a dogs life. From 8-12 weeks you should be DEDICATED to socializing your puppy. DEDICATED. There is nothing worse than a dog that was not socialized properly and now is aggressive or scared. These are the dogs that get surrendered to shelters. SOCIALIZE YOUR PUPPY -- with everything. Now, socialization does not mean your puppy has to interact, just that she needs to be exposed to the item.

  • Chewing: Puppies are chew monsters. Do not YELL at them for chewing. That doesn't TEACH them anything. It tells them chewing is bad, but not what they should chew on. With my puppies, when I catch them chewing on something I tell them a firm 'NO' and then GIVE THEM SOMETHING they are supposed to chew on. This teaches them to chew on their TOYS and BONES and that it's not appropriate to chew on furniture. This is a hard battle, but be persistent. You will eventually win out. Blue chewed for 4 weeks on anything and everything and it never felt like I was getting through-- but then one day it was like 'BOOM, I GET IT' and I haven't had a problem since. Providing plenty of toys in different areas will also help motivate them to chew on the toy and not the furniture. Don't be afraid to change out toys. Toys that have been down for 30 mintes-- put those away, and put out new ones. Engage your puppy in play with appropriate toys.
    NEVER, EVER, EVER use something as a toy ou don't want your puppy to eventually chew one. This means that OLD SHOES, TOWELS, ETC are out of the question. Do not use them. You can't give your puppy and old shoe and then get MAD when they chew on your new shoes :) ...

  • Come: One of the most important commands. Never, EVER, EVER get mad at your puppy when they come to you. Seriously. You want your dog to think coming to you is the best thing in the world and every time it's a PAAARTAAAY.
  • Potty training: See "Buy a Crate" under Items. It has useful potty training advice.

  • Start training your dog as soon as you get them. Puppies can learn. They aren't "too little". After giving them a few days to acclimate, start working on some basics like 'come', 'sit', 'touch', 'loose-leash walking', 'lay', etc. If you don't know how to do this; PUPPY TRAINING CLASS/BOOK and or YOUTUBE. :)

    If you have any more questions, feel free to ask me. I would be more than happy to give you advice, and/or make a video for you on showing the training.
u/Meeseekslookatmee · 6 pointsr/Stoicism

Whenever I see posts like this I recommend this book (not necessarily stoic). It's basic premise is that its all in your head and with the right attitude you can find enjoyment (even fulfillment) from something as mundane as folding the laundry.

https://www.amazon.com/Flow-Psychology-Experience-Perennial-Classics/dp/0061339202/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=flow+book&amp;amp;qid=1557777574&amp;amp;s=gateway&amp;amp;sr=8-1

u/consensual-sax · 6 pointsr/dating_advice
u/FourzeKITA · 6 pointsr/confidence

I would recommend giving this a read: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713/ref=sr_1_3?crid=1RMBFCYGYWLFK&amp;keywords=the+subtle+art+of+not+giving+a+f---+mark+manson&amp;qid=1558913677&amp;s=gateway&amp;sprefix=the+subtle+%2Caps%2C128&amp;sr=8-3


However, most of the positivity and optimism that I've gained over the last few months was due to recovering from heartbreak. Did a lot of soul searching and introspective work to figure things out for myself (as well as seeking out therapy). So, everything I've learned has been a mixed bag. What I can say to you is that you yourself, as a person, no matter how you view yourself, how you think people may see you, are enough. More than enough. Whatever little thing you do in your day to day has impact on the world around you. You may not know it, believe it, or even be aware of it but, it has worth. Remember, every footstep always makes an impression in the ground.

u/1slander · 6 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

Give this book a try. If you want the epub/audiobook let me know. It did wonders for my ability to get up and do things that I want and need to do.

u/Hawkknight88 · 6 pointsr/LifeProTips

My buddy highly recommended that book to me, but I haven't given it a read yet. It's "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life".

u/agent_of_entropy · 6 pointsr/nursing
u/Splicestream · 6 pointsr/JUSTNOMIL

The power of your last paragraph is real. For those who need help with that, may I recommend a book?

u/tactonicnmayhem · 6 pointsr/assertivenesstraining

This book by Mark Manson helped me a great deal: The Subtle Art of How not to Give a Fu*k

u/GlobbyDoodle · 6 pointsr/ADHD

Some potential ideas...

  • Set an alarm in your room (so you can hear it) and another in the next room over so you're forced to get up to turn it off

  • Pair getting up with something positive - maybe you get up and go right to Starbucks, or do something you enjoy even if it's singing in the shower or whatever.

  • It always helps me to NOT turn on the computer, NOT have my phone in the room, and to turn on some music and open the shades as soon as I get up.

  • You might want to check out the book called "Willpower". It's on Audible too if reading is difficult for you.

u/Jimbo_Joyce · 6 pointsr/science

I posted this in another comment chain but I thought you might specfically be interested.

&gt; If anybody wants to read about the scientific basis behind this type of fatigue there is a pretty interesting book that came out relatively recently co-authored by a journalist and a scientist studying willpower.
&gt; http://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human-Strength/dp/0143122231#[1]

u/boogerdew · 6 pointsr/BipolarReddit

Just a few things that come to mind:

Self-Awareness&gt; There are a lot of ways to work on this and most of them are worth trying. An effective goal might be to find some things that work for awhile, and prepare yourself to seek out other options when those don’t offer the same effectiveness. I’m pretty sure that when we dedicate the time to it, we provide ourselves with information that empowers us to make the decisions that bring about our idea of success.

Expectations&gt; Most of us don’t want to fail. A lot of us feel like if we don’t meet the expectations that we’ve set for ourselves then we’re failures. This often causes some of us to avoid things that we feel we won’t “succeed” at. Hey, I’m not saying we shouldn’t set high goals for ourselves... but when we don't meet our expectations, maybe we could slowly get better at treating ourselves with the kind of love and encouragement that we would extend to our most loved of loved ones when they "fail."

Exercise&gt; God damn it I hate exercise. I wore a button in fifth grade that said: I’m too out of shape to exercise. I’m thirty-nine now and I’ve still never had a consistent workout regimen. For a lot of us, this shit is probably harder than everything else we’ll consider in this thread. But there’s plenty of evidence to show that when the rest of our body is functioning at a more optimal level that we have more tools to work with, and that our tools are more effective. I hate exercise.

Group Discussion&gt; Last year I attended an intensive outpatient group therapy program. This was my first experience with group therapy and I freaking love that shit. I learned that the gems to mine from this experience have very little to do with whoever is leading the group or which organization is providing the facility... as long as you feel like everyone is given the opportunity to share without reproach. Empathy is what it’s all about. The more courageous you are about sharing your struggles, the more empowered your fellow group members will be to do the same. When empathy is flowing freely most people are able to recognize some of their own cognitive distortions, AND help others find their own. Not every group is going to function well, but I think it’s well worth the effort to find on that does. You might start with looking into a DBSA group near you. My advice would be to look for one with 10-15 attendees. If you've got insurance that will cover it, you might check into an Intensive Outpatient Group Therapy program offered by a local hospital.

Books&gt; These are just a few that have offered me some help—and a few that I just acquired but haven’t read yet.

Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength

Incognito: The Secret Lives of the Brain

Tribe of Mentors: Short Life Advice from the Best in the World

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy



Also, this is me patting you on the back lovingly and then turning it into a hug:



Did you feel it?



Disclaimer: I’m currently doing pretty poorly at all of these things.

u/rxninja · 6 pointsr/Games

Dopamine needs and ego depletion are strong contenders. Look up Baumeister for willpower research and you may find some answers that could enlighten you. This NY Times article is a good introduction to ego depletion, though it's not as specific as other willpower research by Baumeister and others. He just came out with a book not that long ago that I highly recommend as both a scientifically sound (I'm a PhD research student, so I'm VERY picky about mainstream science books) and realistically practical book.

Depression (of varying degrees) can also play a role. Many people are compulsive buyers when depressed, as the acquisition of new things triggers a dopamine response that helps to counter that depression.

Personally, I used to buy tons of iOS games. I think I had something like 180 on my device at one point, maybe half or more of which were paid apps, and I bet I had played 25-33% of them at best. Several months ago I started getting medicated for ADD, then for depression as well. I no longer buy more games than I can possibly play and the compulsion to do so is much weaker; I can still recognize things that I want, but it's just a lot easier not to click the "Purchase" button. As with all psychological issues, however, your mileage may vary.

u/SucklemyNuttle · 6 pointsr/consulting

Man, I'm so late to this thread but hope this doesn't get buried--what you talk about is covered at great length alongside a TON of other empirical evidence and research in a book I love called "The Happiness Advantage."

The argument there is: we think achieving goals makes us happy, but in reality, achieving a state of happiness in life helps us achieve goals. It's a ton of eye-opening research, advice, etc. that I've passed along to others as well as the book itself. Cheers!

u/nodamnsgiven · 6 pointsr/suggestmeabook

The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor.
In the book you learn to see success as something that follows happiness, not the reverse. This book cites many studies and positive psychology concepts. The ideas are easy to swallow and easy to apply. I am adopting a positive mindset and taking steps to improve myself and my professional performance. Overall, I have better days and see fewer reasons to feel depressed or sorry for myself and feel hopeful for my future.

u/crownjewel82 · 6 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

I was 27.

At that point both my parents were gone and all of my grandparents were gone and I didn't have anyone left to protect me from her and her flying monkeys. I finally put her on speaker, surreptitiously, so that my friend could hear the stuff she was saying. His response was that's fucked. From there I started looking for resources on how to deal with her. I found two books Children of the Self Absorbed by Nina Brown and Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. That's the first time I saw the word abuse used to describe what she was doing. I knew from about 6 that there was something wrong with her and I lived with all of her shit without ever understanding what was going on.

u/karlsmission · 6 pointsr/JUSTNOMIL

My wife comes from a terrible family. I didn't realize how bad it was before we got married. They just about ruined our marriage the first few years. But we learned to set some boundaries, and kept them. and we have had an amazing relationship since.

First get this book: http://amzn.to/1UMl0G7

It has some very christian undertones to it (great if you are christian, a bit much if you are not) BUT I have not found a better book on how to learn to set boundaries. then you and he set some serious boundaries with his mom. See if he is willing to keep those boundaries. If he lets them get broken over and over again, then probably need to step away. if he is able to keep them, you probably will have a great future together.

u/soutioirsim · 6 pointsr/Velo

The Confidence Gap

The Chimp Paradox

Mindfulness

These are some great books, by some fantastic psychiatrists. All these can help with anxiety. The Chimp Paradox book especially is written by Dr Steve Peters, who worked with the British Cycling track team and helped Chris Hoy, Victoria Pendleton, etc become the top in their sport (though his book is not specifically for cycling).

Althought some people will be saying 'don't worry about it' or 'just enjoy it', these are particularly useless statements and (through not fault of their own) generally come from people who have never delt with mental help issues. If it was as easy as 'don't think about it', then you wouldn't have made this thread. These books are based on real scientific evidence and help you deal with the anxiety and not just push it away.

I would say that The Chimp Paradox is best for understanding why you're feeling anxious and the other two books are really good for practising how to deal with the anxiety.

u/wollstonecraftfan · 6 pointsr/JustNoSO

No therapy is probably going to make this harder. Have you looked into anti anxiety medication with your GP? Even if it's to get the edge off while you try to work things out?

&amp;#x200B;

Anyways, fellow depression/anxiety/lashes out when stressed sufferer here. There's a couple of things that have helped for me:

- Build alternative communication skills. One of my biggest problems was that I didn't know how to properly voice my issues with my SO or anybody else for that matter. My first method of action was being passive aggressive or snide. When I realized what I was doing, I jumped to the other extreme and bottled it all up. Can't ruin things if you're not saying anything, amiright?! But then that would just explode later and cause more problems. A book that helped me very much is Crucial Conversations. It speaks about the thinking fallacies people tend to have (choosing between being honest and being nice), common communication mistakes and a step by step plan on how you can bring hard topics to the table. I use these basics in normal conversations too, when the "stakes" aren't as high. Having an alternative method for me to switch to, instead of my old ones, really helped.

- Change your internal narrative. Another thing that has been absolutely exhausting to deal with is the constant internal monologue about not being good enough, nice enough, kind enough. I should, I need to, if I was a great person I would... If you constantly beat yourself down, you stay down and words have meaning and a certain weight on their own. If I keep telling myself that I suck and I was an idiot for doing xyz, that feeling will stay. I would strongly advice reading A Guide to Rational Living by Albert Ellis. It's a bit of an old book, but I felt like they guy described perfectly what goes on inside my head. By telling yourself that you did something "less than ideal" instead of "incredibly stupid" you kind of take the edge off the situation. I know it sounds stupid, but I've been trying to get into the habit of this and found that after a while I went from having a meltdown of "OMG HOW COULD I BE SUCH AN IDIOT, I WILL NEVER LEARN?!" to facepalming, sighing at myself and be very firm in doing better next time. The energy I save with that, that I would otherwise have wasted, is very useful for other things.

- Change your external narrative. Words have a meaning and interpretations. Sometimes we're raised with ways of phrasing things and don't even realize what exactly it is we're saying. I found that I had a tendency of trying to subconsciously manipulate those around me through language. Basically shoving my feelings onto someone else, so they would make me feel better. Obviously things like bullying are big, clear markers, but there's a lot more subtle ways that people do it and don't even realize. The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense by Suzette Elgin discusses how one would use language against others without being overly aggressive. It made me realize how people were actually manipulating me, but also how I was manipulating them. Have you ever used something like "Well, if you really loved me you would..." or "Even someone like you would understand...". Big communication nono's, but because they're not as aggressive like "You're a bitch" or "Get fucked", people tend to not notice them. By recognizing these patterns being used on you and you using themselves, you can stop using them but also learn tools on how to deal when someone uses them on you.

- Self reflect, self reflect, self reflect. Through my education I was forced to constantly look at my strong and weak points. I had to write assessments twice a year on what I did right and wrong, with proof. And believe me, if you either had an assessment that was all negative or all positive the teachers would have a talk with you about how well you were reflecting. Then after college I landed in a job where every year I had to do the exact darn thing. What had I learned this year? What did I improve since last year? What are my goals for next year? How do I plan to achieve those goals and why did I have those goals? What are reasonable, doable steps to not only achieve the goals, but to also improve some weaknesses? Again, and again, and again. It's hard to say you suck and can't do anything write and you don't have any good qualities when you're forced to look at yourself and point out what your good qualities are. You start usually with small or general things like "well... I'm always on time to work" or "well... I don't maim animals." While I learned this through circumstances, a friend recommended Acceptance: Time to Self-Reflect for Personal Growth by Dr. Olivia Miller as a good starting point. Where are you at now and where do you want to be next year around this time? How are you planning on getting there? What are small, reasonable steps to get there?

- Get to know yourself. Last tip I can give you is that YOU focus on YOU first. Do you have a clear self image of who you are? What do you want in life? What are your likes and dislikes? What would your ideal self and world be 2, 5, 10 years from now? Would you want to be a successful writer? Would you rather have traveled the globe? Or be a doctor, communication expert at a company, mother of 2 kids, have 2 dogs and a cat? People who don't have a clear outline of who they are, tend to be less secure and more often to lash out to others. Having a relationship with someone, while you don't like or know yourself tends to be a disaster. Because people will tend to try and get an identity or validation through the other person to feel good. Then when that other person does something away from the partner (like go on an outing with friends, talk to another person of the opposite gender or just not pick up the phone) the partner become insecure and might lash out because of it. This combines with the self reflecting, who ARE you? What do YOU want? Things like self confidence and high self esteem are nice and dandy, but they can't exist if you don't have a good idea of who you are. Start with looking at yourself first, before looking at your SO. Start small: what food do you like and dislike? What's your favorite color? Favorite way of eating an egg? Then build up the scale: Do you want a pet? Cat or a dog or something completely different? How many? Go higher again: Do you want kids? If so, why and how many? Would you like to be married? Why or why not? And higher again: What do you look for in a spouse? What would your ideal career look like? Until you've got a clear picture of who you are.

Obviously there's a lot of other stuff you can do, but I'd start with those five and go from there.

u/GROJ1655 · 6 pointsr/getdisciplined

I'm currently reading The Willpower Instinct, which is also suggested in the link for the book that you describe. It's an awesome book, and so far would recommend it to anyone. I'll make sure to check Baumesiter's when I finish this one.

u/Luna282 · 6 pointsr/1200isplenty

This is awesome!! I love Jane McGonigal! Her twin sister Kelly teaches a course at Stanford about willpower and she wrote a great book called The Willpower Instinct.

u/lim2me · 6 pointsr/GetOutOfBed

Be prepared: long read ahead.

The exercises I do are based on the premise that thoughts affect emotions which in turn can affect our actions. This is the basis of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) and a lot of other therapies that grew out of, or were developed after, CBT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy comes to mind). So if thoughts are the “root” it’s probably a good place to start.

Start writing down the thoughts you have, particularly the negative ones that trouble you. "I'm stupid", "I'm worthless", "No one cares about me" etc… Sometimes it helps to start with an event that troubles you and work backwards from there. An example:

  • What was the troubling event? (e.g. my boss yelled at me)
  • Why is that bad? (e.g. It probably means my work isn't good enough).
  • And what's bad about that? (e.g. It means I'm not good at my job).
  • And what does that say about you? (e.g. I'm worthless)

    Keep drilling down until you feel what I call a punch in the gut, an internal feeling or sensation that says "yep, this thought feels very real to me". 90% of the time the root thought is something about yourself and can be verbalized in the form of "I AM ___"

    Now start challenging each thought in turn. Is this really true? How do I know for sure? Is there some objective measure or have I used a subjective measure? Who said this is true and are they an expert? Is there any evidence that supports this thought? Am I over-looking other evidence that could lead to other conclusions? What other conclusions can I draw? Is this thought true everywhere and all the time?

    Look for cognitive distortions in your thoughts. Here’s a helpful PDF with some cognitive distortions.

    Here are some free worksheets that describe the process better (which they call ABCD Analysis):

  • Thinking and Feeling
  • Analysing your Thinking
  • Changing your Thinking

    Here’s a link to a comment I made a while back where I give more links to CBT material. If you're interested.

    If you’re happy with the results, you can stop here. However just to add on, I’ve been doing some Mindfulness Meditation &amp; Exercises lately and have also been reading up on Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT). For those interested in a practical introduction to ACT for the layman check out The Happiness Trap

    Anyway, I have personally found it helpful to bring Mindfulness &amp; Acceptance into the ABCD Analysis. When doing the ABCD Analysis there is a strong human tendency to make certain thoughts &amp; emotions "bad" while holding other thoughts &amp; emotions as "good". The problem with using such polar opposite labels is that the natural human tendency is to run away from the "bad" thoughts and chase after the "good" ones. And we do all sorts of things to run from the bad and chase the good: get angry or frustrated when we have a "bad" thought, repeat positive affirmations ad-infinitum, pump ourselves up with motivation, "plow through" with positive thinking etc...

    I'm not saying any of this is wrong or ineffective, I'm just speaking from my personal experience: running from the "bad" and chasing the "good" is tiring!

    With Mindfulness &amp; Acceptance, I'm seeing that my thoughts have no inherent power or meaning. A thought like "I am a failure" is a bunch of letters on the screen. Or a disembodied voice in my head. Or an image in my imagination. It is the same with any and all thoughts. They have no inherent meaning or power other than what I give them. This also means that I cannot label some as "bad" and others as "good"; only if thoughts had meaning can I do that.

    (On a sidenote, The Happiness Trap has some very good exercises to help separate the thought from the meaning we’ve given the thought)

    When I'm running from "bad" thoughts and chasing "good" thoughts, I'm doing so because of the inherent meaning I've given them: "bad" thoughts are "bad" while "good" thoughts are "good". Can you see that the meaning I myself gave these thoughts is what's really running my life? (no pun intended)

    If all thoughts are empty of power and empty of meaning, they are in a sense "equal". And there is a temptation to say "since they're all equal, it doesn't matter what thoughts I have so I'm going to choose the ones I like". In my opinion, this is still giving meaning to the thoughts because I will likely choose the thoughts I've labeled "good".

    So now what? Here is where I pull out my list of life projects that are meaningful to me. If you’ve never spent time thinking about what would make your life worth living I encourage you to start. And write stuff down. Call it your Life Project list, Dream List, Bucket List.... whatever. This is your personal list of goals, milestones, achievements and projects that will leave you fulfilled.

    Pick one of your projects, any one of them. Then ask "who do I need to be in order to progress towards this goal by the end of the day?" Then take action and write reminders for yourself if you need it.

    As an example, I did the ABCD Analysis this morning and here are the major thoughts:

  • I am an embarrassment

  • I am disgusting

  • I am hated

  • I am prey

    The ABCD analysis alone would've been sufficient but applying Mindfulness &amp; Acceptance I chose that I wanted to experience Joy by the end of the day. A life without joy doesn’t sound like much fun to me :)

    I build websites for a living and work from home. So I wrote the following on a Post-It and stuck it to my screen where I'm likely to see it:

    "What is 1 thing I can be joyful about in ____?"

    The blank is for whatever activity I was doing when I saw the Post-It. So it could read:

  • What is 1 thing I can be joyful about in building this website?

  • What is 1 thing I can be joyful about in writing this documentation?

  • What is 1 thing I can be joyful about in typing this Reddit post?

    So does all this help? Well, I’m pretty happy this evening. Is this all just a self-fulfilling prophecy or priming? Maybe, I don't really know. But living my life fulfilled is important to me that as long as I'm doing it in accordance with my value, and I'm not hurting anyone in the process, then I think it's a pretty sweet deal.
u/QuasiIdiot · 6 pointsr/Destiny

It's worth noting that there are some newer approaches that are, in my opinion, an improvement over CBT. Best examples would be ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy; book: The Happiness Trap) and schema therapy (book: Breaking Negative Thinking Patterns). There's also functional analytic psychotherapy ("FAP"), which makes for quite the meme.

u/limit2012 · 6 pointsr/Mindfulness

Mindfulness can help you gain some distance from these thoughts. Don't try to make the thoughts go away, that usually strengthens them. Instead learn to observe the thoughts passing thru your mind without completely buying them.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy ACT is a great help in this. I recommend the book The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris

u/blobbyseconds · 6 pointsr/seduction

Okay mate, I'm gonna be honest with ya. You have some serious inner game problems. But don't worry, they're all real easy fixes.

Coming from everything you wrote, you seem to be hyper aware of what everyone might think of you. Emphasis on might. Thing is, you don't know. These are all assumptions. When you say that you "don't want to come off as a nerd so [you're] not going to only talk about tv," you're making the assumptions that only nerds talk about TV. Well guess what, that's just plain wrong. Why? Because you said so.

You have to understand that girls are not logical creatures. Primarily. They are emotional beings who respond to spikes in emotion. You're not going to win them over by checking off every box on their "Is he a cool guy" list. No. You're going to win them over by pumping them full of a wide range of emotions and being a chill dude who doesn't give a fuck.

What's essentially going on is that you're giving a fuck about things you shouldn't give a fuck about. Your values are in the wrong place. And I know the perfect book you should read for that. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson. It's a blazingly quick read that's easy as fuck due to Mark's super casual language. But don't let that fool you. He serves wisdom on a silver platter page after damn page. This book helped me tons and I hope it'll help you too.

Solve those inner game issues, and you'll be raking in pussy like nobody's business.

u/Otto2020 · 6 pointsr/metalgearsolid

100%, OP. The series, as a whole, has strongly nurtured my understanding of philosophy, politics, social dynamics, etc etc... mostly by forcing me to question things in more practical and objective ways. It led me on a life long path of self-discovery that spent quite a bit of time focusing on Taoist concepts of balance, but lately those have been transitioning more towards a Stoic philosophy.

To paraphrase Mark Manson, we all have to give a fuck about something. We will all experience pain and unhappiness. but we're all also capable, to some extent, of choosing what we experience pain for. The decisions the games force you into making really capture that concept. Is saving Meryl worth enduring torture? Will Otacon resent me for killing Sniper Wolf? Why, oh why, am I so damn hesitant to pull the trigger in this field of white lilies, knowing that Russian fighters are en route to bomb the crap out of the area (and that I must, if I wish to proceed)? Do my saluting men know that I respect their sacrifice, even as I succumb to the inevitability of taking their lives to protect the world at large?

All of these hard choices are toward greater ends. All of life's hard choices are toward greater ends. The characters of this series all have strong conviction in their causes, and because they believe in what they are doing so wholeheartedly, they are willing to confront and endure immense pain to accomplish their objectives. The loss of our limbs. The theft of our children. The deaths of our comrades. The total destruction of everything we’ve worked toward creating. Torture. Being forever falsely remembered in dishonor. And yet they persist in their endeavors, determined. Loyalty to the end. We, as a player, reap the benefits of this conviction, while also possessing objective insights that the protagonist is blinded to.

And so, in life, I have strived for, and successfully attained, more conviction and confidence in my actions because I approach them objectively. Likewise, when I realize I am wrong or don't have enough information on a topic to make an educated judgement, I accept that and act accordingly.

TL;DR: I understand with more clarity. I never stop seeking more understanding. I make better decisions, even when they are hard. And if I'm wrong, I accept it and fix it instead of immaturely justifying my actions.

u/melvinkoopmans · 5 pointsr/sleep

During sleep you're in an altered state of consciousness which prevents you from being aware of your surroundings. It seems like your perception of time is much influenced by different types of sensory information (such as vision, sound, hearing). Since you're no longer consciously aware of that information from the environment, there is no way for the brain to determine the time between constituent events.

Alterations of the perception of time also occur when people are intensely focused on a task, which makes it seem like time is speeding up. Psychologist call this mental state *flow*, which is characterized by complete absorption in what one does, and a resulting loss in one's sense of space and time. If you find this interesting I highly recommend Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi his book Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience.

What is also interesting, is the fact that a lot of people report time distortions after taking psychedelics or cannabis. This probably also has to do with a different awareness of the order of events which in turn distorts the perception of time. For instance people experience dilation of time; the feeling that time has slowed down. This commonly occurs during intense hallucinogenic experiences and seems to stem from the fact that during an intense trip, abnormally large amounts of experience are felt in very short periods of time. People also experience the opposite effect, speeding up of time. This commonly occurs under the influence of certain stimulating compounds and seems to at least partially stem from the fact that during intense levels of stimulation, people typically become hyper-focused on activities and tasks in a manner which can allow time to pass them by without realizing it.

And what is even more bizarre is the experience of time reversal, reported in many psychedelic experiences. This is the perception that the events, hallucinations, and experiences that occurred around one's self within the previous several minutes to several hours are spontaneously playing backwards in a manner which is somewhat similar to that of a rewinding VHS tape.

It's a fascinating complex subject, full of unanswered questions ;)

u/housefromtn · 5 pointsr/SSBM

Squid and Dr. PP both recommend the art of learning, and the inner game of tennis and they're both godlike so I'd take their advice. Flow is really good too.

Something cool you could do is get into chess. I only played chess seriously for a few months really, but I feel like it gave me another angle to think about tactics and strategy in. Chess is really fun and it'll give you that same competitive brain feeling melee does without killing your hands.

/r/chess has lots of guides about how to get into the game and stuff. There's lots of cool websites now like www.chesstempo.com where you can do tons of tactics training puzzles that are really fun and make the learning curve for beginners a lot less steep than it was back in the day when chess books were the only option(which are great, but it's really hard as an absolute beginner to sit down with a chess book and actually make it through it).

If you're already like 2100 fide rated or some shit then just ignore this lol.

u/msleeduon · 5 pointsr/atheism

Ya know, you can have what he has without the woo.

  1. Start a meditative practice. There's nothing mystical about the benefits of meditation.

  2. Try to approach everything you can on as best faith terms as possible. Optimism and pessimism are actually learnable traits. Pessimists are more realistic (there' research to demonstrate that, but I don't care enough to find the link at the moment) but optimists are happier and do better. Honestly? Be an optimist.

  3. Develop a pace by which you do everything. A rhythm. Concentrate on trying to keep that steady pace in everything you do, from getting up to brushing your teeth to going to work to dealing with the kids. It makes it easier to get into a flow of life.

  4. Establish your flow. Learn to get into that relaxed state of mind where working on something feels like a pleasure.

  5. One of the best exercises we can ever do: write down on the left side of a piece of paper (with several lines of space between each one): work, friends, romantic relationship, hobbies, career, community service. On the right side next to each, name some goals. Now take all of those goals and ask yourself, "what positive qualities would I need to achieve these goals? Patience? Courage? Sacrifice? Compassion?

    Now take those qualities you've focused on, and find 2-3 ways of applying them in your life every day. Bonus: keep a journal. Right it down. Over time, you train yourself to become the person you want to be.

    You can do what your friend did without sacrificing your intellectual integrity.
u/lonewolf-chicago · 5 pointsr/seduction

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck: It's more Zen than the title alludes to.

No More Mr. Nice Guy: Excellent book!

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Mystery: Body Language 1

Mystery: Body Language 1

Hot Seat Breakdown: Part 1 of 5. This might be the greatest breakdown of legit pickup. It's Owen from RSD, and I don't like him typically, but this is super good.

u/Pivotfan3001 · 5 pointsr/anime
u/FE4RCHAMP · 5 pointsr/overcoming

Think you’d like the book below. Not about not caring it’s about not worrying about things you can’t control. I liked it!

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_vDqoDbR8C0X5S

u/real_techie · 5 pointsr/india

&gt;Delete the lawyer, Hire facebook and hit a gym.

FTFY /s

Relevant resource for OP.

u/ThatFanficGuy · 5 pointsr/incremental_games

&gt; You might be thinking: then what happened before I started doing my homework? I didn’t develop IPT2048 and played other incremental games instead. After I published IPT2048 v2.1, for the entire week I was playing The Perfect Tower, NGUIdle, Almost a Hero, Scrap Clicker 2, etc.

Yo. Punishing yourself mentally for having anxiety about your cool little project you care deeply about isn't going to help you progress with anything.

My guess is: you're overwhelmed with the expectations you've set for yourself, and it seems extremely difficult to conquer your targets to the level of perfection that you can't possibly not achieve. You're anxious that you're not going to get it done perfectly, so instead of lowering your standards, you keep yourself from doing it at all, because then, you can't fail at all.

Problem is, you can't succeed that way, either. You're young. It will do you well to learn so early on that the reason you're anxious is because you want everything to work out to the utmost of expectations, because you care deeply about it. I think you know that it's a good thing that you care, but in your head, the tape keeps playing over and over of how some things can go wrong, and since it's louder than your desire to make it work, you stop yourself from working.

I've read an article in Scientific American about how one researcher considers addiction a learning disability. She was clever and learned things at a faster rate than most (I think this is your situation, as well). But then, when things started to get overwhelming — like after she got to the university or something — she started to find solace in drugs, because they helped her relax and not worry about things too much. At some point, she said, she was so attached to doing light drugs — like marijuana — that she'd forgotten to do the actual work of studying. She put it aside because it bothered her too much, and enjoyed drugs because they gave her the opposite.

Her thinking was: she got into drugs because she was clever. She learned all things quickly; she'd also learned quickly that drugs help overcome her fears — and it didn't matter at the time that she pushed the important work — the kind of work that made her a better person and a more capable specialist — aside.

I don't know whether it's true, but I certainly notice similar threads in my life. I learn well. I get things quickly that others struggle with. I excel. I also enjoy a lot of procrastinating and putting things off because they seem too difficult or are too scary to undertake.

As I got older, I came to realize how baseless those fears really are. It's not that the work is scary: it's that I think it would hurt me to do it, when there's no real reason for me to think that way. I give the negatives much more weight than I do the positives. The fear of failure, therefore, starts to rule my decision-making — and the only place I can possibly end up in when it's at the helm is in a rut, on the sidewalk of life, hoping that someone would come pick me up and help me get where I want to go.

Now, imagine this. There are two people in your life. You know both a little bit; you've spent some time chatting, so you kind of know where they're coming from when they say what they say. One day, one of them starts telling you about this cool new project they have the idea for. They describe it in great detail: all the cool features, all the awesome user interactions, all the potential — and then go on listing the reasons why they can't take it up. "It's too big!". "I can't make it all by myself!". "People would probably not like it".

The other person tells you about their current pet project too. It's not ambitious: just a little app that helps people in a small area. Maybe it's a shopping list app. Maybe it reminds users to take their medication. Maybe it sends autoreplies to certain SMS and emails. The person has some codebase ready, they've read the app store license agreements (for which they have some questions they mean to ask people who know something about it), they ask you if you'd like to test it once it's ready, to work out the kinks in design before official release.

Of those two people, whom would you rather help when they ask? The one that does nothing for themselves and always looks for the reason not to do what they think would be "really cool", or the one who gets things done and keeps things on the level where they understand it?

You might be tempted to start arguing the first person's case. Don't. You know what I mean, and you know I'm right.

You seem to be doing pretty good so far. People have spoken to the quality of your work — and to the nature of those who make "cool idea" posts. You actually accomplish things, and people respect that. So should you.

Take a step back. Leave the project to rest for a while. Take a deep breath, get what things you need to have done first so that nothing bothers you, and when you're ready, come back and see what you can do. There's no hurry, there's no rush, there's no expectations or a timeline. It's your project: you can, quite literally, do whatever you want with it. Continue it, scrap it, rework it, stop it — it's in your hands, as is the goals you set for yourself.

In the meantime, I'd recommend reading something on anxiety and productivity. I have no links for you, since everything I read is piecemeal: a little insight here, a little advice there, an overview from an unrelated book and a personal story from a videogame. That said, I would recommend Raptitude — a blog about mindful living and finding peace in a troubling world. David writes on a variety of issues, and you might just find something that speaks to you.

I would also have liked to recommend A Subtle Art of Not Giving a F-ck by Mark Manson to you, but I think you're not on the level to get as much benefit from it as I did. I started soulsearching when I was about your age, and it took me until now to come to understand life and living enough to be able to apply Mark's advice. Feel free to read it if you're curious, but I wouldn't expect much of it if I were you. It might not make much sense right now.

Take your time. Breathe. Focus on things you can do. Set the bar low and overperform.

u/TheOldGuy54 · 5 pointsr/DirtyConfession

Hey I am 54 and good news it gets better!

&amp;#x200B;

First thing I would do is take care of yourself. Hit the gym a bit, reflect on life, do something nice for yourself.

I am not sure if your kids are teenagers yet but if they are they are vile creatures between 12-18 but then they get better.

Be careful about how much porn you watch.... I had a huge porn problem in my 40's and it became my escape from reality. The problem is that your brain starts to crave that dopamine rush and it is harder to get that rush without spending hours jerking to porn. Looking for that one perfect video or photo that makes you cum. I started doing a 30 day reset, No porn, no jerking off, no sex It is one of the hardest things I have done but it clears the mind. Get our and be social, but don't fucking chase women!

&amp;#x200B;

At 54 I know that I don't have much time left on earth and I am not going to waist one minute. When I stopped trying to make everyone happy all of the time and focused on myself things got better. I stopped putting pussy on a pedestal. If I can give you two great books to read the links are below and they are on audio

&amp;#x200B;

&amp;#x200B;

No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

&amp;#x200B;

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

u/Heretic_Chick · 5 pointsr/satanism

If self-help books are your thing you might check out these two inexpensive ones:

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck

Unfuck Yourself

I’m about halfway through the first one and have the second on my shelf to read. No religious bullshit mixed in, and it’s an easy read so far.

u/johnsamuelgray · 5 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

Read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

That may give you a better understanding of this mindset. But going a little deeper, not giving a fuck is just a perspective. It's a different way of interpreting our life as we experience it.

Instead of including what other people think of our actions in our brain processes, we just notice that what we do affects other people, but instead of letting it deter us from what we want to do, we just do it anyways.

Not giving a fuck takes a lot of practice, I feel many years away from truly mastering this, as I feel I've been conditioned during my life so far to give a very large fuck about what others think of me whenever I do anything.

u/mikegates90 · 5 pointsr/Mindfulness

Mark Manson is really awesome. I've been a reader of his for a few years and just picked up his audiobook for "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***."

It discusses the counterintuitive ideologies that one must adopt to become more secure with oneself and others in their lives, by letting go of things they shouldn't give a fuck about. Highly recommended you start reading his material.

u/lovely_dandelion · 5 pointsr/BandMaid

read this book

in all seriousness the older you get the thicker your skin so it just bounces off like it's nothing

u/bestPoet · 5 pointsr/INTP

The biggest thing I've done for my productivity/follow through is reading books about willpower, habits, productivity, etc. As an INTP that needs to really understand things and feel like I'm making my own decisions, rather than follow some advice a parent or whatever gave me, I love books because they give me a deeper understanding that makes sense.

Thus, I recommend reading these books:

The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg
Changed the way I think about productivity and life changes. They key to accomplishing goals isn't developing pure willpower, but developing habits that help you achieve what you want. However, I'd still recommend...

Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength by Roy F. Baumeister
Just a very interesting book about willpower. Will shatter some misconceptions and teach you some new things.

Zen to Done by LeoBabatua
A practical approach to setting the habits and structure necessary to be productive.

Also read The 7 Rules of Highly Effective Habits, which is just a blog post so it wont take long.

I still can't sit down for hours and concentrate at will, but by implementing some of the stuff I've learned from these resources, I've set up a good system that works for me. As a very simple idea, are you familiar with the Pomodoro technique?
Basically, it goes like this. When you want to work on something, set a timer for 25 minutes and know that you only have to sit down and focus for 25 minutes. Don't worry if what you're doing is great or sucks, if you get in your 25 minutes it's been a success (expecting to spend a certain amount of time on something rather than get a certain amount of quality work done has been a game changer for me). Then, after 25 minutes, take a 5-10 minute break... and put in another 25 minutes. Then, repeat... or not.. depending on if you're feeling up for it.

u/glyph02 · 5 pointsr/getdisciplined

This is excellent information. I loved Baumeister's book on Willpower.

I've been utilizing this methodology to get my butt in the gym to work out. By doing just three different exercises, I'm building the habit of going. I set the bar really low for myself, so I really don't have any excuses to not work out.

Great article!

u/Winnarly · 5 pointsr/GetMotivated

22 here and a semester away from finishing a degree in bio engineering. I go in cycles of being extremely motivated to being extremely sedentary, and for a long time this stressed me out like crazy. I used to be obsessed with figuring out how to trigger my motivated-self and how to keep from drifting out of it and it drove me nuts because it seemed like I couldn't do anything to control myself. It wasn't until my third year of college that I decided to simply have faith in myself and stop worrying about it. This marked a pretty incredible change for me. I still went in cycles, but the lows weren't nearly as low or long or miserable and the highs were higher and longer.

You need to stop beating yourself up over not living up to your potential or whatever. You're 17. A slump now is not going to ruin your life.

You know that Chinese proverb, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"? If you like a task is overwhelming, then break it down until you find something you can handle. It doesn't matter if you're deciding you want to become an astronaut or if you want to clean your room. Doesn't matter how silly it might be that a task seems overwhelming, the way you get past that feeling is to break it down. Whenever I don't want to get up and go for a jog I will focus on simply standing up, or shutting my laptop, or putting on shoes. Anything that gets me one step closer towards that jog is 99% of the time all I need before the momentum/motivation gets me running.

By the way, listen to this TEDxTalk by Shawn Achor and if you really like it then get a copy of his book The Happiness Advantage. I'm about halfway through it and I already think everyone should read it.

Hope that helps.

u/bhrgunatha · 5 pointsr/suggestmeabook
  • A quick read with some easily adopted things to try: Shawn Achor - The Happiness Advantage - seven usable habits that have scientific research backing them up. That doesn't mean they're infallible, but the book gives you plenty of suggestions for things that will give you a boost.

  • It's a bit of a cliché now, but for long term growth: Stephen Covey - The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Even if you can only take on board one or two of these habits, they can have a good effect on you. I struggled with the way he presents the habits, but I think they are valid and solid ideas for expansion. The story of Victor Frankl alone in the early part of the book had a profound and long lasting effect on me for example.
u/MoodyMcSorley · 5 pointsr/infp

There is nothing noble in enabling irresponsibility in other people. Set boundaries with your friends and don't let them make their responsibilities yours.

Tell them to ask for their own damn napkins and keep yours to yourself.

btw, I like this book a lot. If you find this pattern with your friends, you might be dealing with lack of boundaries in other areas of your life, so I recommend giving this a read. (I'd suggest every human being read it, especially idealists like NFs)

https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454

u/anti0pe · 5 pointsr/relationship_advice

this book will help. Read and apply it.

Short answer, be consistent. Start with setting a new expectation. “Baby, I love you and our relationship rocks. There’s one thing that’s been getting on my nerves, though. [insert explanation about him eating faster then you and therefore getting more food even when you split the bill]. I’d like us to agree on 50/50 from now on, or simply to order two separate orders if you feel like you’re going to still be hungry. Does that work for you?” Get his agreement and understanding, then stick to it. Refer to the conversation if he starts to beg. “Remember baby, we talked about this. Just because I eat less food then you at once doesn’t mean I won’t eat it later and I really look forward to leftovers. Do you want to order something else?”

u/crafternoondelight · 5 pointsr/migraine

Dr. Gabor Maté’s book “When the Body Says No” talks about the link between trauma (particularly abuse - emotional or physical) and migraines and IBS and I was FLOORED. I suffer from both and am also in the boat of thinking my childhood wasn’t that bad. In reality, I suppose I didn’t recognize how greatly my family’s issues and struggles affected me and I’ve likely buried some memories so deep down that I don’t remember them super clearly. Sometimes I worry that something worse happened and I blocked the memory.

The enneagram and Boundaries have helped me slowly start to identify my personal weaknesses and needs. Still have migraines and IBS though so maybe therapy is in order too!

Edit: The Boundaries book is super Christian but that’s how I was raised (maybe that was the trauma, haha) so it explains a lot for me.

u/meanwhilemay · 5 pointsr/howtonotgiveafuck

This book helped me to become a reformed people pleaser: Boundaries

u/Cuhai · 5 pointsr/TheBluePill

&gt; I can't help feeling that this is the type of feel-good nonsense that unpopular, unattractive people tell themselves to justify not improving. OP's friend recognized that he's a loser himself and is now looking to fix the issue. What's the matter with that?

No, this is coming from someone who is considered to be very attractive. It really does nothing for your self-esteem to have most people want to fuck you.

&gt;Life IS better when women want to fuck you. And why do you think only "unsatisfied" people think so? You should always look to be more satisfied with your life, even if you're already doing well.

How do you know this? You have never been in this situation. I have and read the last paragraph. Also, most of my exes were the guys who almost every woman wanted to fuck. Again, they were NOT happier than anyone else.

&gt;Not true. Money, looks and social status are also a part of what defines your worth.

If your self-worth comes from how much you have and what people think of you vs who you are, then you're screwed for life. Maybe this will help you

http://www.amazon.com/New-Earth-Awakening-Purpose-Selection/dp/0452289963

&gt;Highly, highly doubt this. I don't think you would be saying all that if you spent enough time with people who are actual players.

I worked in an industry full of these so-called "players" and trust me, they are some of the most insecure and miserable people ever. Also, was friends with many of them. Just a bit above terpers in terms of happiness, which isn't saying much.


u/pm_me_your_jhanas · 5 pointsr/Buddhism

Have you tried a very gentle and gradual secular approach to mindfulness. Start, and progress, with baby steps. In a world where we have medication for any ailment we come to expect that a cure will happen over a week. You have conditioned yourself to feel safe in your 'daydreaming' and trying to step out of it is going to feel strange and painful. This book is an excellent start:

Mindfulness

It sets out a very simple step by step introduction, over an 8 week period. Take things gently, if you slip up, that's fine, that's what learning is all about and you are trying to teach your brain something new. The brain is a bugger and it will kick and scream... don't berate it, be kind and understanding, as you would a friend who has been burnt by some misadventure once again :). There are more things like 'mindfulness in plain English' that would be an excellent moving in point, maybe after a couple of months. The good thing about the book linked is it's a simple step by step guide. Keep things very simple at the moment... it WILL feel strange, alien and painful. When starting out it's easy to become bamboozled by the wealth of information out there especially concerning Buddhism and mindfulness. I think I have a PDF text of that book somewhere, if I can find it I'll PM it to you, either tonight or tomorrow.

One more thing if you attempt to do this keep taking your meds there maybe a time when you feel you won't need them... let's say a couple of years perhaps, who knows, none of us are your doctor and can't say what you need and don't need but mindfulness is a very effective approach to helping you with your symptoms... just take it slowly, if you don't finish a chapter in a week make that chapter 2 weeks... the only important thing is keep practicing.



u/not-a-jerk · 5 pointsr/psychology

Obviously everyone has their favourites. My primary areas of research are cognitive bias and relational psychology, so I'd recommend starting with:

Cognitive Bias

  • Stumbling on Happiness (book)
  • Predictably Irrational (book)

    Relational Psychology

  • Close Encounters (book)
  • Science of Relationships (website)
  • Not A Jerk (blog, not exclusively psych)

    Rationality

  • Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality (free ebook)
  • Less Wrong (website)

    For maximum enjoyment, I'd suggest Stumbling on Happiness or Methods of Rationality, they're both very well written and entertaining reads.

    Finally, if you start looking up references and papers (and if you're interested in this, you will), then grab a copy of zotero. A good citation manager is an absolute joy.

    Disclosure: I'm a member of the International Association for Relationship Research, which is responsible for the Science of Relationships. I'm the primary author for Not A Jerk. Links to Amazon include my affiliate ID.
u/cbeck287 · 5 pointsr/science

According to Daniel Gilbert's exemplary book stumbling on happiness humans are the only animal that have any conscious thought as to what the future may hold.


Sure a squirrel may save some food for the winter, but (I assume) it does not consciously think that it will soon be cold and food will become more scarce.

u/Darumana · 5 pointsr/selfhelp

I hope I am not too late.

You can post this to /r/suicidewatch.

Here is my half-baked attempt at providing you with some answers.

First of all let's see, what is the problem? Money and women. This sounds rather stereotypical but it became a stereotype because a lot of people had this kind of problems. So if you are bad at money and at women, join the club, everybody sucks at this.

Now, there are a few strategies of coping with this. I can tell you what worked for me and perhaps that will help you too.

I guess if there is only one thing that I would change in your attitude that would improve anything is learning the fact that "there is more where that came from". This is really important in girl problems and in money problems.

When you are speaking with a girl, I noticed that early on, men tend to start being very submissive and immature in a way. They start to offer her all the decision power because they are afraid not to lose her. This is a somehow normal response but it affects the relationship negatively. She sees you as lacking power and confidence and she shall grow cold. So here lies the strange balance between good and bad: you have to be powerful but also warm and magnanimous. You can only do this by experimenting without fearing the results of your actions. Even if the worst comes to happen, and she breaks up with you .... you'll always get a better option. There are 3.5 billion ladies on the planet. The statistics are skewed in your favor.

Now for the money issue. Again, there is more where that came from. The money, are a relatively recent invention. Our society is built upon them but we survived for 3 million years without them. The thing you need to learn is that your survival isn't directly related to money. You can always get food, shelter and a lot of other stuff for free. You won't live the good life, but you won't die. So why the anxiety then?

Question: It seems to me you are talking out of your ass. How do I put into practice this in order to get a girlfriend?

Answer: Talk to people. Male and female. Make the following your goals:
Talk to 1 girl each day for one month.
Meet a few friends each 3 days.
Make a new friend each two weeks.
Post your romantic encounters in /r/seduction.
This activities will add up after some time and you will have enough social skill to attract a female. You will understand what your female friend is thinking. Don't feel too bad if it doesn't work out.

Question: The above doesn't give a lot of practical advice on getting money. I want more of that. How do I get it?

Answer: To give you money people need to care about you. People only care about you when you care about them. This is why you need to do the following:
Start solving hard problems.
Start helping people.
Problems aren't only school problems. They refer to anything: start learning a new difficult subject (for example start learning physics or start playing an instrument or start writing a novel). Take up a really difficult project that is just above the verge of what you think you are able to do. Helping people is something more difficult and personal. You can work for charity, help your family members around the house and other similar.

Question: I don't understand. I have problems and you are asking me to work for charity, donate money? How can giving money solve anything?

Answer: If you don't give, how can you receive? Helping others is instilling a sense of purpose in a very strange way. You become superior to others by helping them in a dispassionate way.

Question: I feel like I am going to cry, you are making fun of me!
Answer: Not entirely untrue. But this is not the problem. The problem is that you are taking yourself too serious. We all are, and I have similar problems. The true mark of a person of genius is to laugh at himself. Cultivate your sense of humor in any manner you can.

Question: What does it matter then if I choose to kill myself?

Answer: There is this really good anecdote about Thales of Miletus (search wiki). He was preaching that there is no difference between life and death. His friends asked him: If there is no difference, why don't you kill yourself. At this, he instantly answered: I don't kill myself because there is no difference.

Question: Even if I would like to change and do the things you want me to do, human nature is faulty. It is certain that I would have relapses. How do I snap out of it?

Answer: There are five habits that you should instill that will keep bad emotions away. Either of this habits has its own benefits and drawbacks:

  1. Mental contemplation. This has various forms, but two are the best well know: prayer and meditation. At the beginning stage they are quite different, but later they begin to be the same. You will become aware that there are things greater than you are. This will take some of the pressure off of your shoulders.
  2. Physical exercise. Build up your physical strength and you will build up your mental strength.
  3. Meet with friends. If you don't have friends, find them.
  4. Work. This wil give you a sense of purpose. Help somebody else. This is what I am doing here. We are all together on this journey. Even though we can't be nice with everyone, we need to at least do our best in this direction.
  5. Entertainment. Read a book. Play a game. Watch a movie. Sometimes our brain needs a break. If not, it will take a break anyway and it will not be a pretty one. Without regular breaks, procrastination will occur.

    Question: Your post seems somewhat interesting but more in an intriguing kind of way. I would like to know more.

    Answer: There are a few good books on these subjects. I don't expect you to read all of them, but consider them at least.

    For general mental change over I recommend this:
    http://www.amazon.com/Learned-Optimism-Change-Your-Mind/dp/1400078393/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1324795853&amp;amp;sr=8-1

    http://www.amazon.com/Generous-Man-Helping-Others-Sexiest/dp/1560257288

    For girl issues I recommend the following book. This will open up a whole bag of worms and you will have an entire literature to pick from. This is not going to be easy. Remember though, difficult is good for you.
    http://www.amazon.com/GAME-UNDERCOVER-SOCIETY-PICK-UP-ARTISTS/dp/1841957518/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1324795664&amp;amp;sr=8-1 (lately it is popular to dish this book for a number of reasons. Read it and decide for yourself. There is a lot of truth in it)

    Regarding money problem, the first thing is to learn to solve problems. The following is the best in my opinion
    http://www.amazon.com/How-Solve-Mathematical-Princeton-Science/dp/069111966X
    The second thing about money is to understand why our culture seems wrong and you don't seem to have enough. This will make you a bit more comfortable when you don't have money.
    http://www.amazon.com/Story-B-Daniel-Quinn/dp/0553379011/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1324795746&amp;amp;sr=8-3 (this one has a prequel called Ishmael. which people usually like better. This one is more to my liking.)

    For mental contemplation there are two recommendations:
    http://www.urbandharma.org/udharma4/mpe.html . This one is for meditation purposes.
    http://www.amazon.com/Way-Pilgrim-Continues-His/dp/0060630175 . This one is if you want to learn how to pray. I am an orthodox Christian and this is what worked for me. I cannot recommend things I didn't try.

    For exercising I found bodyweight exercising to be one of the best for me. I will recommend only from this area. Of course, you can take up weights or whatever.
    http://www.amazon.com/Convict-Conditioning-Weakness-Survival-Strength/dp/0938045768/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1324795875&amp;amp;sr=8-1 (this is what I use and I am rather happy with it. A lot of people recommend this one instead: http://www.rosstraining.com/nevergymless.html )

    Regarding friends, the following is the best bang for your bucks:
    http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/1439167346/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1324796461&amp;amp;sr=8-1 (again, lots of criticism, but lots of praise too)

    The rest of the points are addressed in the above books. I haven't given any book on financial advices. Once you know how to solve problems and use google and try to help people money will start coming, don't worry.

    I hope this post helps you, even though it is a bit long and cynical.

    Merry Christmas!
u/illogician · 5 pointsr/philosophy

Given how much actual research exists on the effects of optimism and pessimism I don't see much point to speculating on them from an armchair. As a general rule, it turns out that optimism tends to promote physical health and psychological well-being while pessimism goes hand-in-hand with depression and physically weakens you like a self-administered poison. Pessimism amounts to psychological surrender. Both optimism and pessimism tend to work as self-fulfilling prophecies, at least on average.

I'd like to link to some of the relevant research, but I learned this stuff in books. I highly recommend Martin Seligman's Learned Optimism.

u/griminald · 5 pointsr/getdisciplined

Just wanted to throw this here, too:

I just finished the Audible version of The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do To Get More of It

The author is a Stanford psychologist, and this book roughly follows the curriculum of her course, "The Science of Willpower", which was one of the most popular courses ever run at Stanford.

It's designed to be approached in a sort of "one chapter per week" mindset, with self-experiments to conduct in each week and anecdotes of how some of her students approached their issues on each topic.

IMO it's a great book for people who lack a "connection" to other material they're reading.

u/ughthatguy · 5 pointsr/sexover30

L-tyrosine is a non-essential amino acid meaning your body can synthesize it's own. I wonder if you could achieve the same effects through dietary changes.

I read here that when taken in it's pure form, "it is metabolized less via protein synthesis and more by catecholamine synthesis." My understanding is that when supplemented, more of it will go toward producing hormones like dopamine. So maybe the effect you're experiencing is a direct result of supplementation.

But there's another story ^(physiology is complicated). In The Willpower Instict, Dr. McGonigal talks a lot about how the promise of a reward can trigger a dopamine response in the brain. I wonder how much a role the hope of your supplementation working played in your experiences.

Given that our bodies and minds are capable of producing these effects when given the right nutrients and stimulus, I don't expect supplementing l-tyrosine to have a noticeable effect on most people.

u/ampere14 · 5 pointsr/intj

I also recommend the great read The Willpower Instinct by the Stanford University psychologist, Kelly McGonigal. It also present the amazing science of willpower and how to increase it.

u/TryNotToTry · 5 pointsr/Stoicism

If you are prone to rumination self-administering therapy can make you feel even worse. It's possible to get caught in a feedback loop where you wonder if you are doing the therapy correctly, which only makes your problems worse. I know this because I did it myself. It wasn't until I started meditating on a routine basis that I was able to calm my mind down enough to apply what I was reading. Meditation will strengthen your ability to let go of things, build your focus, and lessen your propensity to react emotionally. If someone is going about this alone and the key goal is to ease suffering, then look into mindfulness and ACT. These are designed with that purpose in mind.


Mindfulness

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPlG_w40qOE
Presented by a Harvard Medical School Professor

ACT

An Introductory book on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

Meditation

IOS/Android app that will easily guide you through everything, it's a wonderful application

We often choose the complex explanation over the simple one, to our detriment. Everything I linked can be consumed quickly and used readily.

u/bottledgreentea · 5 pointsr/AskWomen

Professional help is a game changer. Please, if you can, get professional help. If you can't because you can't afford it, I would recommend books.

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1503273693&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=feeling+good

https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;amp;ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1503273704&amp;amp;sr=1-1&amp;amp;keywords=the+happiness+trap

These two books helped me very much. But I also read them while doing talk therapy.

u/mamamusprime · 5 pointsr/Fibromyalgia

I mean no we cannot think away our pain obviously. There is research that supports Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for fibro. This is a good article describing it:

https://www.everydayhealth.com/fibromyalgia/cognitive-behavioral-therapy-fibromyalgia-think-differently-feel-better/

I’ve recently been learning about ACT and I just ordered this book that a colleague recommended. I’m excited to see if it has something to offer for my fibro and in general:

The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT https://www.amazon.com/dp/1590305841/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_tJJUDbHABKN4S

u/RocketDodo · 5 pointsr/aspergers

You seem distressed.

i can recommend this look, i put this to practice years ago even thou i only read this book a few days ago.

Stop, giving, a, fuck.

Chill out, stop being down. stop caring about what others think. you don't have the mental energy to deal with the world, or so it seems like.

Stop caring, really, just stop.

Get a job, if its a low wage one. start making money, start chatting with your co-workers. get some hobbies that'll force you to be with people. karatee, hockey, football, whatever.

Its not going to be easy. but do it.

https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive-ebook/dp/B019MMUA8S

I can also recommend finding your ' quiet place '. a place in some forest or perhaps just some corner in a local park you like.

Also, remember, you're just 19, you are barely a grown up yet. life is difficult and for someone with a disability its never going to be easy. but make it easier for yourself if it even means making some sacrifices in one way or the other. you have at least 45 years left on this planet, make them comfy for your own sake.

u/temporarycreature · 5 pointsr/datingoverthirty
u/shafq123 · 4 pointsr/Existentialism

i agree with many of your thoughts

the idea that happiness/success is the "unintended side effect" of pursuit has stuck with me ever since i read it

i think your definition of happiness is more correct as a definition as pleasure, and interestingly, if you look at the neurotransmitters involved (seratonin for happiness, dopamine for pleasure) it seems to fit this distinction

This is a good image to explain what I'm trying to talk about

Another thing to add to your readings, if you haven't come across it yet, is Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

u/americaeverything · 4 pointsr/financialindependence

I've been reading books on productivity for a long time, after reading about the concept of "flow" for the (seemingly) millionth time I went ahead and bought the book. I'm about 100 pages in (started it three days ago) and it's rapidly changing the way I look at life and work. Every situation is different, but on the long journey to FI it's 100% worth looking at a change now to make the rest of the journey more enjoyable. A lot of people on this sub will express a similar sentiment as the previous sentence, "Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience" seems to flesh out the nuts and bolts of how we'd go about doing that.

"Anyone have some cheese to go with this whine??"

No cheese necessary, the daily thread is a perfect place to vent :D

u/xOrder69 · 4 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

I suggest you read this book and make the commitment to start working on yourself. In the end you are the only person who can do anything about your situation.

u/officegrappling · 4 pointsr/bjj
u/chexee · 4 pointsr/financialindependence

Not sure why this hasn't been mentioned yet: if you are unhappy and bored at work, being FI might also prove a challenge. Financial independence in itself will probably not be fulfilling. You'll need to create your own meaning now.

Use this as an opportunity to figure out what you care about and explore your passions. Knowing this will prepare you for FI and life in general :)

I'd highly recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Flow-Psychology-Experience-Perennial-Classics/dp/0061339202

u/wereinaloop · 4 pointsr/AskTrollX

This body image workbook was recommended to me by the ED nutritionist I used to see.

Also, not a workbook, but this book about self compassion is a great read. Because self-esteem and confidence are also about being kind to yourself.

u/moaf · 4 pointsr/AskMenOver30

Check out this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

There's a really good anecdote early on in the book. It tells the story of this guitarist who got kicked out of his band just before they record their first album. He was completely devastated. On his way back to LA from New York, he decided that he would start his own band and be bigger and better than his old band. He practiced constantly, assembled a new band and recorded an album. The band became successful and actually reached global fame. His new band was Megadeath, a relatively popular and well known band. Most people would be very happy with this accomplishment. Unfortunately his previous band was Metallica, and they were much more popular and successful than Megadeath. The guitarist (Dave Mustaine) later admitted in an interview that he was still upset about being kicked out of Metallica and doesn't consider himself to be a success.

It then tells the story of Pete Best. He was the drummer who was kicked out of The Beatles and replaced by Ringo Starr just before they made it big. For years he was depressed, suicidal, and pissed off at the world. But later, he met his wife, started a family, and lived a happy and satisfying life. Eventually, he accepted the things in life that he couldn't control and took responsibility for those that he could.

The point is that you shouldn't worry about the things in your life that you can't control. Don't compare yourself to your friends or set arbitrary benchmarks like "I should be making $X per year". Don't measure your progress in life by how much money you have in the bank or how many fancy toys you have. Find what makes you happy and do it.

u/CharlesTransFan · 4 pointsr/SeattleWA

somewhat philosophical but it's a really good book

Finished it about five weeks ago.

u/blubow · 4 pointsr/depression_help

Hey! I feel ya!!!! The good news is that you can beat your depression!!!

My partner had depression for many many years!! He was on meds for a long time, he went to counseling (I even went with him to know better how to help him and to learn to not let his depression get to me - because it certainly does!)

So here is what worked:

  1. Regular exercise. It doesn’t need to be every day. Start with a commitment of going to the gym once a week. And stick with that! Don’t expect miracles and give up after 1 month because you are not feeling happier.
    Also, in order to be effective, the exercise needs to elevate your heart beat for 30 minutes or so (therapist recommendation). We enrolled in a cardio class, so we stay more motivated than walking in the boring treadmill.

  2. Meditation/mindful classes. Game changer! It really helps and there are tons os studies proving that it can be as effective as meds!! This was another of the therapist’s recommendation.
    Can’t find one in your community? There is tons online!

  3. Healthy diet. Tons of veggies and fruits. No soda! Cut the crappy sugar! ;-)

  4. Take a vitamin D supplement. Go on short walks 2 or 3 times a week. Keep active!

  5. Books:
u/MattDotZeb · 4 pointsr/smashbros

It's very difficult to get around it.

You have to stay very focused on a goal. For me, since ROM7, it's been to finish every match I play. Has that happened? No, but I understand the situations it has not and I'm very pleased with how things have been going.

It also helps if you read autobiographies or books on sports psychology (or psychology in general) to get ideas &amp; techniques on how to better your mentality.

Here are some that have helped me immensely.

  • Golf Is Not A Game Of Perfect

    • Currently reading this. It's obviously about golf, but it's about the mental game of golf. It's applicable to Smash, or basketball, or most competitive subjects. One of my favorite take-aways thus far is to look at an error such as an SD or a missed tech and think of it like "Well, there was a percentage chance that this would happen. Odds are it wont happen again. Just gotta trust my tech skill and stay sharp."

  • Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength
    • This goes into exactly what the title states. It gives a history of research into willpower, or ego, and describes how people can behave different based off their current situation. Sleep deprivation, poor diet, getting a burst of motivation and deciding to change everything (think January 1st) can all be detrimental to your mental state. It also discusses methods of improving your willpower which can be related to habitual actions.

  • The Power of Habit
    • This is a book that goes into habitual responses and how one can better understand them/change them. Useful information across all parts of life.

  • Thinking, Fast and Slow
    • This is one I've revisited multiple times. It's quite a long read, but there's much to learn. Specifically it goes into two systems of thought. Your system 1 is your implicit (unconscious) system. It's what tells you the answer to 2+2 as you read it even though I didn't ask you to solve it. System 2 is the system that takes over when I tell you to give me the answer to 72 x 103. (Mathematical examples are great for conveying the ideas of these systems) It later goes into more economic psychology and decision making.


      PS. I'm not telling you where, but if you don't want to create a book collection PDFs of each of these may or may not be online.
u/huck_cussler · 4 pointsr/learnprogramming

Read this: https://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human-Strength/dp/0143122231/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;amp;ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1487043144&amp;amp;sr=1-1&amp;amp;keywords=willpower

It was recommended to me by Matt Might, a CS professor who launched his own startup while working on his PhD and who has recently been spearheading research into an incredibly rare disorder that afflicts his son.

This is not a cheesy motivational book. It's a summary of decades of actual research on how willpower and self-discipline function. The gist is, discipline begets motivation and not vice versa. There are practical steps one can take to increase their willpower and thereby their motivation.

u/ColdIceZero · 4 pointsr/everymanshouldknow

I asked this same question here on reddit. Someone recommended this book: http://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human-Strength/dp/0143122231

I liked it. I still have it on my shelf. I feel like it helped me get through law school.

u/DummyDepression · 4 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

Yep, Visualization did jack shit for me too. I've read many self-help books, and so far the only ones that have helped me were those written by scientists who have researched their field for a long time, and people recommend them, that also had practical exercises in them. Very specific, but that's the truth. Here's a list:

u/kaswing · 4 pointsr/intj

I'd be down! I'm in the DC metro, if anyone wants to meet someone local.

A bit about me:

  • My partner of 2 years is also an INTJ: we are a great team. (Also, I'm not here looking for a romantic connection.)

  • It is important to me organize my life to support happiness because of the evidence that happiness leads to success (rather than the other way around). Here's a book about it.. This pursuit has changed my life, as my natural tendency is to the cynical and detached.

  • I moved to the DC area from southern CA to pursue an interdisciplinary, mixed-methods social science PhD about 6 months ago. I'm really happy with it and excited to pursue research as a career.

  • I come from a really religious, fairly conservative household, and I'm learning how to navigate my relationships with my family as a relatively newly-minted liberal wackjob.

  • I have a cat. Her name is Mandelbrot (after this guy). When she is being a pest, I call her "Mandible-beeblebrat."

  • My primary hobby is visual art. I do a lot of monochromatic, 2D stuff but I work in lots of different media: pen, india ink, watercolor, and most recently, textiles. I'm learning to use Illustrator right now.

  • While I've been writing this my Spotify played Tom Petty, Rod Stewart, Sylvan Esso, Justin Timberlake, Elvis, and Die Antwoord. I'm not embarrassed; take that how you will :)

  • I'll turn 30 this year. This year was the best of my life, so I look forward to seeing how next year will beat it.
u/jniamh · 4 pointsr/howtonotgiveafuck

&gt;I feel like setting any boundaries for her makes me controlling.

This is an absolutist view that is just going to get in the way of your being able to set healthy boundaries in the future: I admit that I haven't read this book myself yet, but I see it recommended a lot, so maybe try it: Boundaries

It sounds like you're also having some anxiety about your significance, and could do with some reassurance from her.

She originally put the work in to stop partying and taking drugs once she knew it was a condition of dating you, which would of course have made you feel valuable, but now she's stopped. &amp; now you've just mentioned that you feel like you're subtracting fun from her life if you reiterate that the drugs boundary is important to you. Sounds a bit like you're worried you're not exciting enough on your own.

Basically try and learn about boundary-setting so you can be self-aware about it, but you probably need to sit and have a talk with her.

I completely agree with whoever in this thread said that her choices are her choices: I completely understand why you're concerned about her not applying herself to studying to be a surgeon, you want the best for her, etc, but that really is her problem and not yours. The drug-taking as a personal value of yours should be the only topic when you talk to her.

u/rocker895 · 4 pointsr/Christianity

&gt; I get phone calls SPECIFICALLY for preaching...no I'm serious 30-45 minute calls with my mom and dad passing the phone back and forth to tell me Bible scripture and how I'm a bad person,

Ok, I'm going to change my assessment from 'toxic' to flat out crazy, based on this. This is disrespectful and not the way one human being treats another, I don't care who the participants are. You have been wise to distance yourself geographically, now set those boundaries. You might want to write them a long letter telling them how you feel, and what you will not be putting up with anymore from this moment forward. That kind of stuff would include the preaching/ranting, and trying to make you feel bad about anything (especially not being pregnant yet). This kind of stuff is waaaaay over the line. I recommend this book by a Christian psychologist to help you figure out how to deal with them going forward.

u/throwawaynation- · 4 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

&gt; something about my E-mom makes me feel literally sick, like nauseous to my stomach.


There is a reason why our Gut is known as our second brain. Listen to your gut, it will never lie to you. There's a reason why you feel "sick to your stomach".


&gt; maybe she is a covert N, the self-martyring type of N, who gets the N-supply through self-martyrdom


Your birth giver sounds like a covert N. it sounds like she uses the guise of "helping" to exert control and power over you. Also, I agree, it is a form of N-supply. N's need their egos fed and the best way is to get someone indebted to them or someone singing their praises.


&gt; if she has ever agreed to do something with me, she will drop me like a hot potato the second literally anyone else comes and wants her attention.


because you aren't a person to your birth giver. you are an object she takes out to manipulate and play with. Have you ever seen a toddler play? the moment something better comes along, that toy is immediately dropped and discarded. that toy is you. It's a horrible reality, but N's are horrible people.


&gt; She also walks into my room in the mornings, and wakes me up whenever she wants, like if I am sleeping in late, which is something I was only doing because it was the holidays. She will just knock and then open the door, she has no respect for my boundaries AT ALL.


I would suggest reading books about healthy boundaries and how to firmly establish them. If you want to take it a step furthur, I would suggest speaking to a competent mental health professional.





u/spiceydog · 4 pointsr/AskWomenOver30

Please check out the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud. Fantastic book for understanding relationships between family members, regardless of the circumstances.

u/incredulitor · 4 pointsr/JordanPeterson

Assertiveness might be more straightforward to address than an inner monster. There's more material available on it; it's better understood in the popular discourse as something that anyone who doesn't already have it needs to develop.

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. I can vouch for this one personally. It's a pretty comprehensive treatment of how and why people don't develop or respect healthy boundaries and what you can do about it.

That book comes from a Christian tradition. Much of it is secular, but some of the motivating statements and theoretical framework is in terms of Christian theology. I'm agnostic leaning atheist, but I actually found that part of the book opened my eyes to the fact that there are some Christian people in the USA who use their beliefs as a basis to do some hard work on themselves. A useful experience on its own, for what that's worth.

Supporting skills:

  • Mindfulness of bodily sensations. Peterson has spoken in a bunch of different videos, referencing Carl Rogers, about how you can feel it in your body when you're saying something that you know isn't quite right, something that misrepresents your interests or what you know to be the truth. Well, feelings can also be the first thing to tell you when you're giving away power that you shouldn't be. Learn to recognize that feeling more quickly and reliably by making a conscious effort to notice and pay attention to it as it comes and goes.
  • Recognizing it is a separate step from acting on it. Pick something that comes up for you repeatedly, walk yourself through what you want to say, what happens when you don't, what it feels like to continue not getting what you want. Resolve yourself to say something about it the next time it comes up. Realize in advance that this could be terrifying. You will feel in the moment like what you had ready to say is no longer the right thing, like you're being rude, taking what isn't yours, bullying. Standing up for yourself when it's not something that you've done before is by definition outside of your sphere of normal experience, so it is very likely to present as the kind of paralyzing unknown that Peterson speaks so eloquently about. Realize that if you're serious about changing this piece of yourself that you can't let that stop you.
  • Extend out. Once you've done it once, it might or might not get easier to do the same kind of thing in other situations. You'll probably have to try it a bunch of times across a bunch of different issues before asserting yourself respectfully starts to feel more like a natural part of your being.

    That is the obvious and straightforward path, the one that in my experience and opinion is most likely to get you to where you want to be. If the language of the Jungian shadow appeals to you, you can also try approaching it in terms of facing up to who exactly it is that you don't want to be - but think about trying that after you've given the straightforward approach a fair shake.
u/kt-bug17 · 4 pointsr/AmItheAsshole

I’m really sorry for what he’s put you through. You didn’t deserve to be lied to or disrespected. He definately left out A LOT of context by excluding his history of bad finacial choices.

I know this isn’t /r/ relationships but I’m going to give you the same advice that I’ve given to people over there: Date someone for who they are right now, not for who you hope they’ll turn into one day. Most people don’t make major changes in lifestyle, personality, or behavior. People only make big changes if they genuinly want to make a change for themsleves. They certainly don’t change just because someone else wants them to, not even a significant other. In other words: Don’t date a project!

If being more financially responsible and being honest was a priority for him than he would have taken steps to do those things by now. He hasn’t because they’re not priorities for him. And if he comes to you with promises of change now that you’ve broken up with him I can’t tell you wether or not they’re ones he’ll follow through on. You know him best. But don’t be surprised if you take him back and after a few weeks/months he gets comfortable and goes back to his previous behaviors.

&gt; But I'm a total giver. ... I will buy them whatever they need. I love them. I help bc I don't want people to ever feel like I felt when I was a kid. This is a personality flaw. My ex owes me $1k, etc. I'm a sucker.

It sounds like you need to learn how to set and maintain boundaries with other people when it comes to money. Generosity is a virtue, but if you are being so generous that you are enabling other poor financial choices to the point thah its hurting your finances or mental/emotional wellbeing then it crosses the line into a problem. And yes, you were eneabling your BF, just like his mom does, by loaning him money whenever he runs out.

You need to learn how to say no to people- being a kind, generous person does not mean being a doormat. I’d encourage you to look into a few theraphy sessions to go over this issue (though I totally understand that not everyone can afford that). If that’s not an option the book Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life and it’s companion workbook are good reads (it has some religious undertones but the lessons on setting boundaries can apply to anyone).

Tynap- you sound like a kind, honest, hardworking, responsible woman who has her life together. Don’t sell yourself short by settling for a life partner who doesn’t live up to the standards you hold yourself to.

u/FifthTigerofAsia · 4 pointsr/JUSTNOMIL

Wish you the best in your situation!
I've heard a guy named Dave Ramsey recommend the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud a LOT to people dealing with these types of family issues. You/FDH may be interested to read it?
https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454
https://www.cloudtownsend.com/what-do-you-mean-boundaries-by-dr-henry-cloud-and-dr-john-townsend/

u/Teknofobe · 4 pointsr/relationships

This book should have some advice for you and your wife on setting clear boundaries and expectations with your father in law.

EDIT: Here is the writeup on this book from Dave Ramsey, which is who (whom?) I have heard recommend it.

u/mikathigga22 · 4 pointsr/leaves

watch this video on emotional intelligence, and if it seems like something that could be useful to you, id really reccommend getting the book that he references. This has proven a really useful resource for me in trying to get my shit together, and from what i read in your post, it seems like something you could dig. Hope it helps!

u/BAXterBEDford · 4 pointsr/Frasier

This. They are in no way identifying who they are. Psychiatrists and psychologists write books about their experiences with patients all the time. A couple that I've read are The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck, M.D. and The Man Who Mistook His Wife as a Hat by Oliver Sacks. That's two fairly well-known ones, but there are probably hundreds of thousands out there.

u/Lazerface84 · 4 pointsr/relationship_advice

This book may help.

Changed my entire outlook.

u/WideEyedPup · 4 pointsr/Agoraphobia

Hi, /u/themotherfuckingfox. I think there are several tacks you can take that will help, and it's important in doing any of them to recognise that they a) don't provide instant relief, b) require effort and c) don't automatically prevent panic attacks and anxiety.

  • (Reach out for medical help sooner. Them not reaching you doesn't mean you can't reach them. The NHS will do home appointments. Tell them that's what you need and discuss your problems. In terms of medication, always follow doctors' orders, but if you want a future without meds it may be you need to tell them you want to be reducing, not increasing, your dose; of course, to do this, you also need to want to decrease. If you have diazepam for when needed, try to use it only when totally necessary, in the long term dependency could be nasty, but as I say these are questions for your doctor, not for a random redditor. Medical stuff aside and in brackets, onto lifestyle:)

  • Diet. Eat three times a day, the largest meal at lunch, and eat a balance of foods. If you're at home anyway, why not learn how to cook? It kills several birds with one stone: it's a mental and physical activity, it stimulates the mind, teaches you about food and builds appetite!

  • Exercise. Whatever you can do, if it's running, or just pressups. Morning is ideal, and not too soon before bedtime (this disrupts sleep).

  • Routine. Get up early, even if you're tired, and go to bed as early as possible.

  • Mindfulness. There are meditation techniques that may at first seem hippy/new age but that people do find useful. Be aware that although you can follow a Buddhist scheme, many courses are non-religious techniques for the same practices, and many are approved by doctors. If you do these you have to take instructions seriously and follow the quotas suggested. A generally recommended resource is Mark Williams's book.

  • This is another best-selling book that uses simple exercises and CBT to help with anxiety and phobias, and is often recommended, The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook.

  • Find a hobby that you can do at home. Even if not getting out, you want something that involves activity and concentration. I bake bread, it's a good balance of thoughtful and active.

  • When you have a hobby, and mindfulness exercises, and a diet, refer back to the third point, routine. Your hobby, meditation, exercise, whatever, won't help if you just start them once you begin feeling anxious. You need to build them all into an overarching routine.

    I should add, I'm badly agoraphobic and I am almost hypocritical to offer this advice because I don't always follow it. That said, when I more or less follow more elements of it than not, I do far better than when I don't follow it at all. The shitty thing to recognise is that no matter how well you do these things, you still get bad days. Improvement is slow, and it will feel frustrating, but if you force yourself you will feel it. No miracles, no magical bullets, but it gets better, and at 25 it's definitely not the end of the line: far from it. Good luck. :)

    P.S. I forgot to ask if you're a smoker (or indeed a drinker). If so, quit (both). It helps.
u/halfascientist · 4 pointsr/casualiama
  1. Obligatory phrase about how a physician prescribes, I don't prescribe, never will, and specific questions about your specific case have to go to your physician. That said, in general, no. The most widely-prescribed drugs for anxiety are benzodiazapines. They're GABA-agonists, like alcohol is. Our treatments for anxiety are some of the best we have, they work really really well (like, better than many medical interventions, although that can be an apples-and-oranges can-of-worms of a discussion). There's some indications that benzos even interfere with our great treatments. The best that can often be said for them is that they sometimes help get really anxious people in the door. During certain active phases of certain treatments, we often coordinate with physicians to get people to stop taking them so they don't interfere with what we're doing.

  2. Our anxiety treatments all tend to be relatively durable. As a rule, depression is more chronic, relapsing-remitting as a condition, while treated anxiety disorders are a little more likely to die and stay dead.

  3. I am not well-versed in the self-help treatment efficacy literature. That said, my boy Albert Ellis tells people in book form basically everything I tell them in sessions. RIP, St. Albert.

  4. I'd say you have every right and reason to be anxious. Most therapist suck, and I wish I could vote most of my profession off the island. Try your best to find one committed to using evidence-based treatments, rather than whatever seems right to them. Easiest way to do with is to try to find ABCT members. ABCT is an organization of those in my field committed to good scientific practice, and are the only group I ever feel comfortable vouching for. My other advice? Tell them you're anxious, first session. It'll be a hell of a load off, and both of you will be really glad it got said.

  5. Oh man, that's kind of a staring-up-into-the-stars sort of question that we don't really deal with. We're just a science, and science is usually only interested in and able to answer very small, tightly-grained questions. Nobody in my world walks around talking about their "theory of the self." You might think so from seeing us in movies, though! Ugh, awful movie psychologists. That's another rant.


    Edit re: #2: That general rule somewhat excepts Generalized Anxiety Disorder. GAD's a tougher nut to crack, and lots of is think that it isn't quite an anxiety disorder, and is closer in spirit to depressive patterns of thinking, or halfway between the two. Tends to be more chronic.
u/Sabogalcc · 4 pointsr/howtonotgiveafuck
u/djpk19 · 4 pointsr/zen

Great reply. I recommend the book Stumbling on Happiness. It goes into the science (not too overwhelming) of how our brains predict the future. And often how the brain is wrong. The brain tries to make you safe, and often runs scenarios of the future that just wouldn't happen. Anyways, it's a good read, and connected to this talk about thinking about the future.

u/keems · 4 pointsr/barstoolsports

Stumbling on Happiness nonfiction that changes the way you look at life

u/Reddit4Play · 4 pointsr/truegaming

&gt; I've noticed the dotalikes(let's call the genre that for the sake of neutrality) get a lot of hate outside this sub.

I have three theories.

The first theory is that the opinion of the majority is not the same as the opinion of the overly visible gaming literati. I know that this is a fact based on smaller gaming genres, like tabletop roleplaying games, where recently a relatively popular thread indicated that too many people were talking about games like Fate and Dungeon World. Many people agreed.

However, looking at large community surveys and statistics released by the most popular online place to play tabletop roleplaying games we see that Fate only represents 1.65% of games and only 4.30% of all players are in those games, while Dungeon World only represents 1.84% of games with 4.55% of all players in Dungeon World games in the latter source (more comprehensive) and 4% of respondents playing Dungeon World and 5% of non-fantasy setting players and 4% of fantasy setting players playing Fate in the former source.

In other words, a lot of people really thought everyone was devoting way too much time to two games whose market shares are each less than 5%. Meanwhile, the two largest games - D&amp;D and Pathfinder - combined are well over 50% market share.

This leads us to a probable analogous conclusion: the MOBA-haters are much louder online than simple demographics would suggest. This gels with most of what we know about online product reviews generally: only those who really hate or really love a product are likely to take the time out of their day to write up how much they love/hate the product, which leads to a polarization of online viewpoints.

Theory two is an extension, in some respects, of theory one: because MOBAs are so incredibly popular, while their proportion of haters remains about the same as most games (except for the addition of some hipsters who always hate popular things), their absolute number of haters is astronomically high.

Let's imagine for a minute that 1% of all people who play or hear about a game are driven to hate it online. A game with few players, like /r/totalwar of the Total War series, has persistent but relatively isolated griping as a result. If 1% of their subs complain about the game regularly, that would make for ~350 people: a significant portion in the Total War subreddit, where you would notice complaining on account of our earlier-established "haters are loud" theory above, but not a significant enough number to seriously bleed across to other more general subreddits.

In contrast, if 1% of /r/leagueoflegends, the League of Legends subreddit, complained about League, then that makes for 6,500 people. If "the 1% of League subscribers that complain about League" was a subreddit, it would be in the top 3200.

Other extremely popular games, like Call of Duty, seem to act in evidence of this theory: they receive a huge absolute degree of hate.

Theory three is that there is something about MOBAs that leads to direct competition and animosity. MOBAs are notoriously hardcore competitive games, being not just the most popular video games on earth, but also the ones with the largest tournaments. The two largest ones are also notoriously nearly identical.

We know that the brain tends to cook facts to retrospectively justify its choices, focusing on the benefits of your choice while downplaying the detriments, especially when that choice is largely irreversible and largely important (for more about how people react to making choices see Daniel Gilbert Stumbling on Happiness and Barry Schwartz The Paradox of Choice). MOBAs, by being so competitive, are naturally time intensive, especially among the gaming literati who tend to discuss games online and be part of the core gamer demographic. This makes the decision to play, say, League of Legends rather than DotA 2 subject to a host of natural heuristics that lead us to become "stuck" with our choice: the sunken cost heuristic, for instance. (For more about decision making heuristics see Daniel Kahneman Thinking, Fast and Slow).

When you combine these effects, you get a set of people who are:

  • More likely than others to talk about their experiences, good or bad, online.

  • While perhaps not disproportionate compared to the haters in other games, so large in absolute number that they bleed into more general discussions easily.

  • "Stuck" with their choice of MOBA, which leads to them biasing to facts in favor of their decision and against facts detrimental to their decision.

  • Often playing one of two nearly identical games, which leads to vaguer, more overly-specific reasoning for why one is better than the other (which makes the reasoning particularly difficult to refute, as it is more opinion than factually driven). This reasoning is nonetheless biased, per the previous point, which leads to disagreements that are difficult to resolve.

    Combined, I believe these three theories lead to this demographic, described above, displaying what appears to be a larger-than-normal degree of hate online.
u/silversunflower · 4 pointsr/depression

"If I had a dollar (well, maybe $2) for every time I hear “I am not depressed, I am just realistic”, “Anyone who isn’t depressed isn’t paying attention”, "

Waiiit a minute... I thought this was true. There was a reference in Stumbling on Happiness, that happy people had less realistic and mroe of a fantasy ideas about the future.

Any thoughts? I have actually been trying to be less realistic!

Edit:
http://www.amazon.com/Stumbling-Happiness-Daniel-Gilbert/dp/1400077427/ref=cm_lmf_tit_2

u/OneEyedOneHorned · 4 pointsr/MadeOfStyrofoam

You do you. It wasn't until I quit that I realized I had a buttload of different reasons that I never addressed or understood because I never sat down and forced myself to think through my crap. Shit's rough. I don't blame anyone ever. People always freak out about selfharm and what I've learned is to take care of the person physically right now and be there for them when they're ready. Freaking out does jack shit.

Alright so I said I was going to post the book and I can't find it because I don't remember who wrote it. I'm a visual person and I'm pretty sure they changed the cover so here's some books with great reviews that cover the same topic.

Your Inner Critic Is a Big Jerk: And Other Truths About Being Creative -I actually might buy this one.

Imposter Syndrome Remedy: How to improve your self-worth, feel confident about yourself, and stop feeling like a fraud!

Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life

u/whowatches · 4 pointsr/IWantToLearn

Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life

I would really suggest this book if you suspect you're a bit too pessimistic and hard on yourself, or just curious about how much our thinking patterns influence our lives.

This book approaches things from a scientific point of view and discusses a lot of the studies that have been done on the thinking patterns of animals and people. It's different (in a good way I think!) from most books you'll find on positive thinking.

I love this question by the way! Any books you've read that you would recommend as "must reads"?

u/shamansun · 4 pointsr/Buddhism

It's still very questionable how close we are to understanding consciousness. From just dabbling into the mind sciences and the different camps there, it really doesn't seem like we're quite there yet. But even if our technology can eventually create the conditions for consciousness, I think Buddhism will become more relevant.

For example, Francisco Varela, Humberto Maturana and Evan Thompson are all examples of a Buddhist-inspired approach to the science of mind. Check out (though be warned you're entering into the fray of some heavy philosophy-speak) Embodied Mind, Mind in Life, and a textbook on the subject, The Tree of Knowledge. To them, the contemplative disciplines of the East (and the West for that matter - what has survived through the traditions), are all examples of a deeply sophisticated "inner science" that can actually help inform and guide the scientific understanding of consciousness. In short, I think the trend we have today is telling: as neuroscience and consciousness studies develop, the Western interest in Buddhism also seems to be increasing.

I think a few other popular books are Rick Hanson's Buddha's Brain and B. Alan Wallace's Contemplative Science: Where Buddhism and Neuroscience Converge Hope this was helpful!

Edit ~ Forgot to mention something about reincarnation. Well, many traditions have an esoteric perspective on reality, an inner dimension, and in some sense, an inner world with its own laws and realities that are in some respects more real than our material senses. So, some might be against uploading their consciousness for fear of stagnating their own spiritual evolution. Personally, I learn towards believing that reality is more than our contemporary, secular culture can articulate. So even with AI, I think these spiritual realities will not become "irrelevant" - but if we believe like many of the traditions do that there are subtle bodies (etheric, astral, etc) - then there are certain dangers in attempting to create life and mind without awareness of these. This is borderline science fiction, but I can imagine a gnostic fear of spiritual "entrapment." A consciousness that has lost its soul - or worse yet, a soul that is ensnared within a machine and unable to move on because it is missing critical spiritual bodies that would allow it to move onto the next life (or beyond this world). Should make for some interesting new mythologies...

On the other hand, scientists may unwittingly create the conditions for the etheric (the animating force of life, chi or ki), and other bodies simply by learning the physical principles of life. So artificial beings may also have chakras and energy channels - and there may even be new spiritual traditions and metaphysics that humans may not be able to understand. Anyhow, many traditions speak of transcending the ego and allowing the "higher self" to guide us - well, maybe, just maybe, an AI might be a suitable mind for the Higher Self, or Daimon, to descend and incarnate. Whoo, this is fun thinking about. This is sounding like a science fiction version of Sri Aurobindo's "Supramental descent."

u/seshfan2 · 4 pointsr/slatestarcodex

I've been meditating on and off for the past 6 years, some tips that helped me:

  1. Reading / learning as much as I can about it. I am a psychology nerd so I first got into meditation when I started reading books like Buddha's Brain and Hardwiring Happiness.
  2. Following on this, audiobooks and guided meditations are great. There are a LOT of really cool apps out there. I am partial to Headspace and The Mindfulness App. The later has full audiobooks as well as guided practices. I have also heard good things about 10% Happier and Waking Up (Sam Harris' mindfulness app).
  3. I enjoyed my practice about 10x more once I stopped worrying about the "right" way to do meditation. Meditation gives you a variety of very useful cognitive tools, and it's up to you to decide how best to integrate them into your life.

    For example, I really have a hard time with sitting meditation. My legs cramp up like no other and it drives me nuts. But I love integrating mindfulness randomly throughout my day: A quick breathing exercise when I'm driving to work, a small eating meditation when I have dinner so I appreciate my meal more, a small gratitude reflection before I go to bed, etc. I found those tiny 30 second meditations throughout the day had a much more profound effect on my life than sitting in a quiet room for 30 minutes.

    To me, sitting meditation is just the practice room so you can get some training before you start finding more and more little ways to apply it in your daily life.
u/LettuceJizz · 4 pointsr/loseit

Here's an interesting and relevant book

It's a sideways approach to your question, but speaks to the building (or destruction) of habits - one of which is appropriate eating.

We don't ever motivate someone else. And that can be agony. But we can support without judgment, ask good questions, make powerful reflections, and be a curios copilot to their journey - if they're willing.

u/wheyty · 4 pointsr/infp
u/jeronz · 4 pointsr/auckland

Any standard GP should be able to help her try a different anti-depressant. Her fatigue may be a sign of atypical depression which could help guide medication choice.

Some evidence-based non medication based interventions include that are easy to acccess:

Cognitive behavioural therapy

  • Beating the Blues Online free counselling programme, requires GP to give you access. NZ based.
  • Sparx NZ designed 3D role playing game that counsels you.
  • MoodGym Free Aussy online counselling programme. There is also E couch and MoodJuice
  • For a book I recommend The happiness trap. Not CBT but a related one called Acceptance Commitment Therapy which is also effective.
  • For face to face, this will depend on her and what kind of person she wants to open up to. If you don't have a good connection with the counselor it's a waste of time. Therefore it's difficult to make a blanket recommendation.
  • If she works at a large company they may have "EAP" (employee assistance programme) where you can normally get free counselling.

    Meditation

  • Calm website Free Auckland uni based
  • Headspace Not free but pretty good. There is also a free trial.
  • For face to face, there are plenty of courses around.
  • For a book I recommend mindfulness in plain English

    Exercise

  • Shown to be effective. No links other than proof http://www.cochrane.org/CD004366/DEPRESSN_exercise-for-depression

    And remember, in a crisis call 0800 800 717 for 24/7 urgent mental health help.

    Source: am a doctor.
u/LemonSniz · 4 pointsr/TalkTherapy

The goal of therapy is to process how you're feeling in a productive way. You don't need an external goal outside of that. It's tough to find a therapist who's a good fit for you, regardless of what you're going through, but it's so worth it.

I've had really good luck with Acceptance and Commitment therapy, and I think you might as well. While you're sorting out therapy stuff, you might check out [The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris] (the happiness trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT https://www.amazon.com/dp/1590305841/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_NiVWDbC8K29Y4). He gives a layman's introduction to ACT, and it's what started me on that particular part of my journey back in 2017.

Edit: not sure what's going on with the format

u/Daybis · 4 pointsr/AskMen

If you have the capability, I'd almost look for a new therapist. It sounds like you are going to therapy, but your therapist isn't really providing any assistance that is working for you.

I also recommend a book called the Happiness Trap. This book was helped tackle some of my stress, anxiety, and depression.

u/justingiddings · 4 pointsr/Screenwriting

I strongly recommend the book The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck by Mark Mansen (blog post)(Amazon link)

Your script could literally be the most beautiful thing ever written by the hand of man or woman, but to have a long career in Hollywood, psychological resiliency is going to be essential. As somebody with an anxiety and eating disorder who has worked for 15 years in the industry, I'm telling you this from experience.

Also, coverage / advice from random internet people is barely useful at best. For example, my last script was a SEcond Rounder at Austin Film Festival. The coverage was glowing. But the reader who kept us from becoming a finalist also provided their coverage and it was the exact opposite of what the previous reader had said. And these are the AFF readers, some of the best in the biz.

So who was right? Was my film a game-changing thriller, or a tired cliche?

Who the fuck knows?

I am proud of it and it's generally done well enough that I can trust it's a good enough script to justify my being proud of it.

Another story: I just recently got notes on the first draft of a script I was hired to write by a production company able to finance the whole film. In the room, it was very complimentary, all the things they liked. Then we discussed what didn't work, but it was still pretty positive. Then they sent over their written notes and it was harsh as fuck. Was I freaking out? Sure, for about ten minutes, but then I remembered that this is part of the screenwriting process. It takes multiple drafts, multiple rounds of notes, and a whole lot of "this sucks" before we get to "this rocks."

At the end of the day, you have to trust yourself and your instincts AND be able to take the punches that will absolutely come your way.

u/infinityedge007 · 3 pointsr/taoism

A good description of wu wei from a non-Taoist, western perspective is the Flow by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi.

https://www.amazon.com/Flow-Psychology-Experience-Perennial-Classics/dp/0061339202

From the wiki:

&gt; In an interview with Wired magazine, Csíkszentmihályi described flow as "being completely involved in an activity for its own sake. The ego falls away. Time flies. Every action, movement, and thought follows inevitably from the previous one, like playing jazz. Your whole being is involved, and you're using your skills to the utmost."[12]

u/noloze · 3 pointsr/investing

I'll give you some books to use as a starting point. You want to start out as generally as possible and then follow what interests you. Someone can give you a list of top books, but if they don't fascinate you enough to really dig in deep and reflect on them to sate your own curiosity, you'll just be scratching the surface. I don't care what it is, you can make money anywhere in the markets. So starting generally will help you find out what direction to go.

So, that said, these are the ones I'd recommend starting out with
https://www.amazon.com/Market-Wizards-Updated-Interviews-Traders/dp/1118273052
https://www.amazon.com/Reminiscences-Stock-Operator-Edwin-Lef%C3%A8vre/dp/0471770884
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1400063515/
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0684840073/
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0809045990/

Some less conventional ones I really liked
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1578645018/
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1422121038/

Chaos theory describes some properties that pop up again and again in markets. I really liked this one.
https://www.amazon.com/Deep-Simplicity-Bringing-Order-Complexity/dp/140006256X

I also highly recommend finding a few good books on behavioral investing, just to get acquainted with the common mistakes investors make (how you can avoid them, and how you can exploit them). I don't have a lot here because the books I read are outdated and you can find better. So one example:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0470067373/

But in general reading about psychology will help you understand the world better, and that's always a good thing.
https://www.amazon.com/Flow-Psychology-Experience-Perennial-Classics/dp/0061339202

u/jcruzyall · 3 pointsr/sysadmin

My best work in technology usually happens when I'm not grinding away at something, but when I have time to step back and see the bigger picture and think about alternatives and what I'm really trying to accomplish in code, process, or architecture. Once you know that, it's easier to look away for a little while rather than trying to grind through every problem purely through spending time at the keyboard. Also, it's taken me a while to accept that I have physical and mental limits - we all do - that I can push at times, but can't push indefinitely without breaking myself or something else. The book "Flow" gave me a lot of useful perspective about how to structure thinking and working time to do the most good while doing the least damage.

u/SpaceEnthusiast · 3 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

He sounds like a man who is really struggling with who he is. It's not only that he's depressed but right now he probably doesn't see anything good for himself in this world. He probably feels awful about himself. When you are unhappy with who you are, you will have a tough time to be happy with someone else.

There is a great book called Flow and I think it's an absolute must for him (and for you perhaps). Reading the book and internalizing what I read really helped me break a bad cycle of depressions.

u/Numero34 · 3 pointsr/Eco_Fascism

I'm pretty analytical and one aspect of meditation that is understated or perhaps not understood as well as it should be, is it's connection to Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's Flow theory.

In Mihaly's Flow, he states this interesting fact:

&gt;At this point in our scientific knowledge we are on the verge of being able to estimate how much information the central nervous system is capable of processing. It seems we can manage at most seven bits of information—such as differentiated sounds, or visual stimuli, or recognizable nuances of emotion or thought—at any one time, and that the shortest time it takes to discriminate between one set of bits and another is about 1/18 of a second. By using these figures one concludes that it is possible to process at most 126 bits of information per second, or 7,560 per minute, or almost half a million per hour. Over a lifetime of seventy years, and counting sixteen hours of waking time each day, this amounts to about 185 billion bits of information. It is out of this total that everything in our life must come—every thought, memory, feeling, or action. It seems like a huge amount, but in reality it does not go that far.

After understanding this, I realized that the benefit of meditation, when it comes to increasing your ability to focus your attention, comes from decreasing the unnecessary clutter/chaos of your wandering mind that ends up wasting your available processing power.

Philosophically I would say that this sort of mindset of developing/controlling your focus and attention is also strongly connected to Stoicism, where the life worth living is one lived virtuously and not getting hung up on things that are out of your control.

u/dexulinu · 3 pointsr/Meditation

What you are describing is called "Flow" and there are several books on this topic, the most important one is this one: https://www.amazon.com/Flow-Psychology-Experience-Perennial-Classics/dp/0061339202

u/LimePunch · 3 pointsr/CruciblePlaybook

It is, and the harder you try to get into the zone the further away you get.

There's about 20 years of research on the concept of flow, I would highly suggest reading Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's seminal novel Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience if you're interested in how it actually works.

u/__Taixx · 3 pointsr/collegeinfogeek

I want to read it too! Of course like the other person said, the book won't change your life, but what you do with the knowledge the book offers you. If you're interested in self help books you might also be interested in Flow by by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. He's one of the people that helped setup positive psychology. I'm still in the beginning, but I already had a major break through before chapter 1! Highly recommended.

u/ER10years_throwaway · 3 pointsr/financialindependence

Amazon links are totally cool...we just discourage affiliate marketing in this sub.

Here's your link:

&gt;https://www.amazon.com/Flow-Psychology-Experience-Perennial-Classics/dp/0061339202/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1487549634&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=flow

If I'm not mistaken, that "UTF8&amp;qid=" in an Amazon link means that the URL has an affiliate account code built in. Thought since you posted the link it might be your affiliate account.

BUT...somebody else please chime in if I'm wrong about the code. Been a while since I dabbled in Amazon affiliate marketing, and I'm sure there have been changes.

u/MihalyOnLife · 3 pointsr/bjj

Flow is just something that happens when preparedness and skill level is closely tracking difficulty level. Ever read [this?] (https://smile.amazon.com/Flow-Psychology-Experience-Perennial-Classics/dp/0061339202/)

I don't want to promote myself as a definitive cheerleader because honestly this is just a username I chose semi-randomly when I joined Reddit like most people do, but the concepts are really interesting because the implication is that being under-challenged and over-challenged do not lead to flow. Which can serve as a kind of guideline on both how to roll (and who to roll) and more generally, on how to live your life--pursuing challenges not just because you think you're supposed to, or because there is some great reward at the end, but because the process itself will tend to be more engaging and kind of meditative if you do.

u/PuffAngel · 3 pointsr/40something

If you have Netflix there's a documentary called Happy that's all about this. Very informative. We're hard-wired to search for the next thing. Once our basic needs are covered we still feel like something is missing. I don't think it's necessarily a midlife thing except that's usually when people notice it I suppose.

People who are happy in their life have what's called flow. Dunno if you're a reader but the book I'm currently reading explains it better than I could.

Hope that helps :)

u/NotFromReddit · 3 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

I don't know his specific situation. For option 1, read this book: Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. Learn how to enjoy anything. You don't have to read the whole thing; Just cherry pick the chapters that seem applicable to you.

u/RainbowNowOpen · 3 pointsr/programming

Great share. Thanks.

I recommend anyone interested in the idea of being "in the zone" and its importance read up on the work of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. He is the father of the concept of "flow" in psychology and the book to read is called Flow from 1990 (but it's truly timeless stuff).

u/HungarianHoney · 3 pointsr/todayilearned

Have you read the book? I had a psychology professor assign it for reading back in the day and I was always grateful to have been introduced to this concept. It's good to be in a flow state of mind.

That's why I aerial dance and rock climb and ski. With these activities you'd better "flow"..... or you could die.

u/thegreatcollapse · 3 pointsr/gamedev

The suggestions from /u/random (wow that username!) are both great books and you should also check out Ralph Koster's A Theory of Fun for Game Design. Though not specific to game design, you might also be interested in Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience

u/ScotchDream · 3 pointsr/JordanPeterson

&gt;Finding work that is meaningful is crucial for me.

The work isn't meaningful. You make it meaningful by the way of doing it. Wanna learn how? Read this.

u/sf_guest · 3 pointsr/relationship_advice

Sounds like you're being pretty hard on yourself. Here's a few thoughts from someone who was also pretty hard on himself:

  1. Stay away from Red Pill / MRA / PUA, they prey on vulnerable guys. There is no value there.
  2. Work on yourself, and I don't mean go to the gym. I mean stop beating yourself up. If you can afford it, a therapist is very helpful. Here are a few ideas of things you can do yourself:
    1. https://www.amazon.com/Men-Women-Worthiness-Experience-Enough/dp/B00D4APD3M
    2. https://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084
    3. https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Life-Changing-Relationships/dp/189200528X
    4. https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520
  3. Hang out with friends, it's OK to not be in a relationship, even for a long time. Putting extra pressure on yourself isn't helpful.
  4. Consider reading this: https://johntreed.com/products/succeeding. I've found it's a pretty good field guide to life. If nothing else it's an interesting deep dive on how someone else managed their dating experience.

    You'll be amazed at how hard women find it to find a great guy. You can be that great guy.
u/MustardsWrench · 3 pointsr/AsOneAfterInfidelity

You really need to get into IC again. I know it’s expensive but it sounds like it should be put into the budget even if you have to cut out other things. Your insurance may cover it.

My husband feels this way often, but he had these type of problems before his affair also. It is very painful for me to be with him while he hates himself. I often feel guilty because I get frustrated since the self pity or self hatred seems so self centered. I don’t mean that in a mean way. It is just hard when all my energy has to be on making him feel better about himself so he doesn’t drink himself to death or find validation somewhere else. Now that he has finally gotten into IC he is doing so much better. He is not completely past it, but it has helped a lot. We also started a marriage class at church which has helped him a lot since he was raised in church.

You have to learn to have self compassion and start to forgive yourself. It doesn’t mean excusing the affair. It just means letting go of the self loathing. It is dangerous not only because it can exacerbate depression and suicidal thoughts, but the next time someone else makes you feel good you could put too much weight on that external validation instead of finding it within yourself.

I wish you well.

Edited to add a book you might find helpful.

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power... https://www.amazon.com/dp/0061733520?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

u/gravitysdaughter · 3 pointsr/ptsd

Yes, this is incredibly common in my trauma research.

I do this all the time. My brain is my worst enemy when I'm in a dark place.

"I hate myself."
"I am useless"
"I am stupid"
"Why am I alive!"

So, that is to say, I do understand. I completely get it.

I'd recommend a book, but if I am honest it takes a long time and a lot of work to make it better in my experience. I wish I knew of a thing that would help quickly and easily, but I don't.

http://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520/

That is the book. Self-compassion practice is always one of the top features of resilience that trauma researchers recommend for healing. Which is to say, this is a recommendation with some scientific backing, and the book does have lots of practical exercises. It's just slow, plodding work.

u/ndatoxicity · 3 pointsr/Codependency

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristen Neff

This book helped me a lot (I listened in audiobook format)

u/_fixxxer · 3 pointsr/seduction

This is what the book "The Subtle Art of not Giving a Fuck" talks about. I would recommend reading it.

https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

u/Trebornikrut · 3 pointsr/howtonotgiveafuck

I’m reading that now!
The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck was also a good read— and definitely relates.

u/mr_delete · 3 pointsr/EOOD

Not specifically about depression so much as life philosophy, but I am currently enjoying The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F-ck by Mark Manson

u/ikonoclasm · 3 pointsr/askgaybros

I have a notoriously bad memory when it comes to shit that I deem unimportant. There is a 100% chance I forgot where I relocated an item to in my apartment, so I always put things back in their place immediately after finishing using.

There is also a 100% chance that I'm going to forget the bad shit people did to me 3+ years ago. It mattered at the time, but it is no longer important in any way that currently impacts my life. The good shit, I'll remember indefinitely, but the bad? That doesn't benefit me.

Contrast that with two of my exes that have memories seemingly laser etched in titanium alloy to survive the aeons. They bring up shit that I forgot all the time. I can tell they still feel things related to these memories and I just... don't.

I'd point out that I am by far the least stressed of anyone I know. I've never read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, but I'd guess that either I'd get nothing out of it or could add chapters to it.

I guess my answer is that I remember the good things and forget the bad things. This results in me generally being happy. Don't dwell on the bad. It doesn't matter anymore.

u/Jinstor · 3 pointsr/Aerials

Check out The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck if you haven't already, I feel this would be relevant to you and /u/mayg0dhaveMercy

Edit: also I find socializing with everyone helps me forget that I'm bad, circus people in general have been very nice

u/bumblebee_55 · 3 pointsr/howtonotgiveafuck

Just read this book "Subtle Art of not giving a Fuck". It is by far one of the best books I have come across that helps in such circumstances. I was there too, but now in a better place.

u/tokyohoon · 3 pointsr/japanlife

OK, I normally prescribe whiskey, but in your case, I'm prescribing a book.

It took a major labour dispute for me to get the point, but I no longer give a fuck about my job beyond getting it done, and I've never been more content in the workplace.

u/LiftingGeek28 · 3 pointsr/booksuggestions

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_oNgvCbKRPADN3

I thought this was a great book!

u/go_tf_away · 3 pointsr/GenderCritical

+1

Would recommend the book this book as a starter to the not giving a fuck lifestyle.

u/ThorLives · 3 pointsr/PurplePillDebate

I dunno. I think it's a mixture.

Guys like Roosh always seemed like weirdos to me, and he's so angry that sometimes I've thought, "He doesn't sound like someone who does well with women. He sounds more like an angry incel."

I don't think RSD doesn't care about helping men be successful with women. I just think they have multiple goals: make money, help men succeed with women, and avoid bad press coverage. It's actually quite hard to measure "help men succeed with women". Yeah, there might be some guys who have a little bit of success ("I made-out with a girl at a bar!") and think that it signals long-term success with women when it doesn't. Money and avoiding bad press are MUCH easier to measure, so they end up becoming more important.

I've seen some other pickup guys who seem to have decent success getting women into bed, but don't really have good success beyond that. Some of these guys seem to have mental-health (Mystery) or anger issues (Roosh), but those issues somehow manage to propel them to short-term success with women. I should also point out that some of these guys are just pretending to do well with women as marketing. I remember Roosh getting caught using the photos of models that he had never met or slept with, but he wanted guys to think he had picked-up these women. (He got called-out on a talk show and they had one of the models show up.) I can think of a few others who also got caught using paid actresses.

There are some guys who have been in the pickup-coach scene who seem to do alright. Did you know that Mark Manson (author of "The Subtle Art of not giving a Fuck") was a pickup coach and had even put-out a dating product for men?

u/justplaincrazy · 3 pointsr/Anxiety

Check out this book

You are only 25...you can turn your life around and be happy. Don't put all your self worth in a job, because that will never truly make you happy.

u/Caplooey · 3 pointsr/ADHD

for learning/cognitive related i recommend checking out:
Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman,

Peak: Secrets from the New Science of Expertise by Anders Ericsson

and the various Cal Newport books (he also has a blog),

Thomas Frank from College Info Geek is also cool.

i personally prefer actionable coaching over talk therapy as it helps me get shit done rather than sit around and introspect which i already do enough of.

there is a /r/Stoicism

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo, check it out

Brene Brown for self compassion, talks on Youtube, you could check out.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson is another good one.



u/nanonoise · 3 pointsr/sysadmin

Take a look at Unstuck - https://www.unstuck.com/

While they are trying to sell you some things there is plenty of useful thought cookies for you to munch on.

This one came up recently - https://www.unstuck.com/advice/escape-drama-triangle/

Also highly recommend meditation and attending some days run by Buddhists. Some good tools to be learnt on letting go of things and generally giving less shits.

And this book - https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713/

u/DKArteezy · 3 pointsr/salty
u/dawdawditdawdaw · 3 pointsr/Calgary

I was depressed and medicated when I was 18 - 19 then I found hope in myself and resigned to the fact that I control my happiness.

I have some degree of social anxiety caused by hypervigilance but my wife knows how to identify it and keep me from going off the handle, liquor seems to help too not that I condone using booze to suppress cognition. Interesting thing is I'm actually incredibly comfortable in front of large crowds speaking, singing, presenting but put me in a mall, the stampede or on a street downtown late at night and I see and hear everything all at once. It's a great bar trick to be able to cold read someone but it sucks when you are trying to pay attention or enjoy something.

I recently read a book because I was feeling very uneasy about where my life is heading (common problem for our generation) and I felt it really really helped me.

https://www.amazon.ca/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062641549/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1497969336&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=the+subtle+art+of+not+giving+a+f

Just figured I'd throw that down, to contribute.
Chin up lads :-)

u/geezerman · 3 pointsr/Economics

Charter schools have significantly greater success in poor urban areas likely because, as per Heckman, "achievement" is the consequence of IQ plus "executive function" -- behavior such as impulse control, focus, acting constructively towards other people, etc. ... with executive function being the dominant of the two in producing level of achievement.

E.g. the noted psychologist Roy Baumeister reports that young children who passed the famous "marshmallow test" by resisting eating a marshmallow for 15 minutes (when promised two marshmallows if they succeeded) years later scored 210 points higher on their SATs than did the kids who quickly failed the tests, after adjusting for IQ, socio-economic status, etc.

IQ can't be taught but executive function can. The best charter schools expressly focus on improving executive function. As per both Heckman and Baumeister the greatest deficiencies in childhood executive function are found among children from poor and broken families in poor urban neighborhoods. Among rich neighborhood children the general deficiency is not nearly as bad. The rest is QED.

u/SocratesTombur · 3 pointsr/getdisciplined

Firstly, as most people here have rightly pointed out, starving yourself is the worst thing you can go. Glucose metabolism has a lot to do with levels of motivation.

Motivation has everything to do with willpower. Yeah you can take life lessons from people. But better than that would be to understand and break down the concept of Willpower itself. You need to recognize it, conserve it and learn how to wield it efficiently.

So I recommend you what I recommend to everyone who asks about similar topics. Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength. No other book breaks down better the science behind willpower and its implications in everyday life. Once you understand the fundamentals of willpower, you can work it, morph it, and strengthen it.

u/eronanke · 3 pointsr/psychology

I'm sure there are thousands working off of Baumeister's work. This is the non-academic title he helped author about his studies. I highly recommend it.

u/thevegetexarian · 3 pointsr/xxfitness

Read this book, immediately: http://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human-Strength/dp/0143122231

It will change your life forever. I promise.

u/OmicronNine · 3 pointsr/getdisciplined

I highly recommend this one: Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength.

What makes it special is that it's not a book of thought exercises or empty self-help crap, it's an overview and interpretation of the latest scientific research on human willpower. Well written and extremely illuminating. I read it twice, and I very rarely do that.

u/pixelneer · 3 pointsr/Design

OH No doubt. As I said.. you STILL have to pay fair wages...

Actually just started reading The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work

This guy proposes that our model is wrong.. we chase money thinking that more will bring us happiness... which it never does. Instead, we focus on being happy and by doing so, we inevitably make more money because we are more productive etc. (I KNOW sounds like total self help BS) but, Google, Coca-Cola and others have this guy come in and model their 'cultures' following the same principles...

Actually found him via his TED talk ...


EDIT sorry.. thanks /u/julian88888888 nice article.. clipped to my evernote on this very topic..

u/KevType9 · 3 pointsr/financialindependence

Go take some time to yourself man. Figure out some ways to make yourself happier in the present. Take a look at The Happiness Advantage if you haven't in the past, it is a very scientific book that outlines proven ways to improve your current happiness.

I'm a big believer in the hedonic treadmill. Be wary of any time you are sacrificing your happiness now in order to become happier in the future. You COULD be making a mistake.

EDIT: and if you do decide to go the lower-income route, make sure to sub to /r/leanfire!

u/fluffylady · 3 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

First of all, rent a P O box for 6 to 9 months at the closest US Post office &amp; have all your mail sent to it and use it as your forwarding address. That way she can't "forget" , or just say she was concerned when she says it was "from the bank" or "from your school" and opens letters addressed to you.
Do not tell your parents that you are doing this. Also make sure all your accounts such as checking, savings and credit card are in your name only.

When she asks for information about bf, say that you do not know and suggest that she ask him directly. Be sure you let your bf know your new response just in case she actually decides to ask him.

As for wedding plans, say that he has not brought the subject up and that for now, the topic is not up for discussion. Repeat- Mom, I am not discussing that with you. Then either leave the room, change the subject, or let the silence hang in the air.

Edited to add: There is a book written in 1992 called Boundaries, by Townsend and Cloud that I think is pretty good &amp; has some pretty good tips in it. It lightly "Christian" -
http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454/ref=sr_1_1/177-5129525-2207315?s=books&amp;amp;ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1396549240&amp;amp;sr=1-1&amp;amp;keywords=boundaries+by+townsend

u/angelddaz · 3 pointsr/personalfinance

Read the book Boundaries. It really helped me to start saying no to people when they would ask to borrow money, which ruins relationships many times.
http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1396383021&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=boundaries

u/Camarahara · 3 pointsr/AskOldPeople

It was a process that started when I read the book linked below. You can simultaneously have healthy boundaries and care. You just understand what's your responsibility and what is not, and that it's OK to say "no". You stop taking on other people's responsibilities and burdens, both emotionally and physically. Those around you will be surprised and not happy when they start, for the first time, to hear you say no. (There are nifty ways to say no that soften the blow for example "I'm sorry but that doesn't work for me").

Being without healthy boundaries does not equal "being a good person" it just means you don't have healthy boundaries. For instance, you can't be a good parent without healthy boundaries.

https://www.amazon.ca/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454

By the way, if you're going to try to develop boundaries you have to also learn the tactics that manipulators use to try to control you because those types will challenge your boundaries constantly. Eg: Guilt tripping or playing the victim. You see a lot of those two in progressive politics. We are now supposed to feel guilty for things that happened hundreds of years ago! LOL. ("Manipulator" is just a fancy word for bully). &gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;https://www.amazon.ca/Sheeps-Clothing-Understanding-Dealing-Manipulative/dp/1935166301

There are lots of boundaries books on the market.

u/Psychoicy · 3 pointsr/AsianParentStories

Oh man, where to start...

Here is the easy suggestion:

  1. Can you stay at the said friends, professor, and co-worker?

    Here is the hard suggestion: Develop better inner strength and personal boundary. Here is a short list. We are not all that different than domestic abuse victims, we tend to play down or rationalize the abuse and go back for more ("It will be different this time" or "I must give him another chance" or "I will do thing differently this time"). I am no saint myself. You need to confront the real reason why you are willingly participate your cycle of abuse, because all of the reason you gave for going back to live with them can be achieved by living with a friend, short term rental, or hotel. Despite how your privacy is important to you, you still decide to risk it (your mind is probably made up about living at home despite whatever I say) and hoping to band-it it with some quick fix.

    Protecting yourself and your life take a lot of effort and a lot of inner strength. It is really hard and sometimes it hurts. Your family has not yet earn the privilege of having you living at home. You are a precious person, your life your way, and if you don't see yourself as such, then you are only going to get hurt.
u/theturtlepear · 3 pointsr/Anxietyhelp

Love and respect are what relationships are built on. Love means sacrificing your needs and wants for hers. Sounds like you think she's great (respect) and that's a good start but you have to let her be herself and have friends and relationships other than with you.

That said, there are a few different things you can do. First be honest with her about how you are feeling. And don't be angry just be honest that her hanging out with this guy gives you anxiety. Ask her if she would be willing to set some boundaries with this person like not meeting one on one or inviting you to hang out with the two of them so you can get to know him and get more comfortable with the two of them being friends. One question though, is this guy an ex-boyfriend? In my opinion, if he's an ex it's fair to just ask her to stop talking to him altogether. But regardless, don't freak out, just gather more information and calmly ask your SO to set some boundaries.

edit: also, read the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud it is amazing and it will change your life and relationships for the better. https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454

u/iLoveSev · 3 pointsr/PlantBasedDiet

&gt;My thoughts are that he's a grown person, living under my roof, so he's either going to eat what we have or get a job and buy his own food.

I completely agree!

Put a boundary and tell him this is the case and this is what you will do as this is your house and your money. Either he can be grateful and accept it (as it is not a punishment or anything - people thrive on plants) or he can move out/buy own food/or whatever degree of manning up/ungratefulness he can afford.

You need a book: Boundaries.

u/TheCrimsonGlass · 3 pointsr/Christianity

Forgiving is not forgetting. I highly recommend the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud. It goes into this subject with great detail, and it helped me get through some very difficult times with my narcissistic mother.

u/homerule · 3 pointsr/DuggarsSnark

They have general and more specific versions. I highly HIGHLY recommend reading it.
https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454

u/billiarddaddy · 3 pointsr/whatisthisthing

I can't offer any advice - only empathy.

My oldest son recently graduated - barely.

He got into a crowd that did a lot of drugs. He started smoking a lot more weed and the harder stuff came.

He'd been stealing for years but we never noticed it.

After some domestic violence issues we told him he had a week after he turned 18 to find another place to live.

He's now living with my exwife - his mother. I was hoping that getting away from some of his more influential friends would help derail a few things but he seems determined to continue in that direction despite his future being in jeopardy.

I have no solution for you. No solace.

This book gave me a whole new perspective on my role in his life.

Good luck.

u/eviljess · 3 pointsr/childfree

i highly recommend the book called boundaries. while i'm not religious in any sense it was a good book to help me better understand my mother and why she cannot just say no to my sister and others.it might help your fiancé and also congrats on your wedding.
http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1452202838&amp;amp;sr=8-2&amp;amp;keywords=boundaries+learning+to+say+no

u/WrittenByNick · 3 pointsr/BPDlovedones

It does seem like a big deal, and you're right to feel exhausted.

So here's my advice - you have to find a way to stop giving a shit.

I know that sounds facile and a bit like an asshole, but its the truth. Your sister is a grown adult who is being shielded from the consequences of her actions on a regular basis. I understand that everyone wants to help - your mom, you, the driving, the medical card, the tuxedo.

It sounds to me like you were raised in a family not unlike my own. I've come to realize recently, through therapy and a lot of introspection, that I internalized the idea that love = taking care of someone. And while that's not untrue, it puts you in the position you're in now. Protecting your sister from her choices, instead of letting it be her own problem. And I get it too, you know the fallout from not helping, when she really screws something up and ends up in a bad spot. I've also been on the receiving end of it too, and realize how it has affected me.

I often recommend people on here to read the book Boundaries. It has a religious slant, but even if that's not your thing it is very useful.

You cannot change your sister (or your mother, for that matter). But what you can change is how you let it all affect you.

u/specialgrumbler · 3 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

Boundaries, this book has helped me SO much. It helped with self-esteem somewhat as well because I finally felt like I could say NO.
Edit: Forgot to note it has a lot of "christian" talk in it. I just ignored it and applied it to my life and it was fine.

u/geareddev · 3 pointsr/relationships

&gt;why does he continue to fucking do this

Because he can. Your mother never left him. Your brother lives with him. You returned home to him. Has his alcoholism cost him anything that he really cares about?

You might find these two books helpful.

Codependent No More

Boundaries

u/SKRedPill · 3 pointsr/TheRedPill

https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808

https://www.amazon.com/New-Earth-Awakening-Purpose-Selection/dp/0452289963/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;amp;ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1539842520&amp;amp;sr=1-1&amp;amp;keywords=a+new+earth

I'm not here preaching spirituality, but sometimes as a man what is true for the woman is also what is true for the nature of life. This is a powerful method of holding frame and stoicism which can work anywhere. Actually what got me interested in it was when Eckhart tolle described the pain body as responsible for a lot of the irrational behaviour of women and the failure of most relationships.

He also excellently described the way egos work.

u/mr_biscuitson · 3 pointsr/LifeProTips

This is also an amazing book by Eckhart Tolle for anyone looking to re-format your lifestyle. It really helps deal with ego and all the stuff that keeps you from seeing what a negative impact you are having on yourself! Some really interesting stuff on parenting in there as well. Written so clearly and beautifully.

http://www.amazon.com/New-Earth-Awakening-Purpose-Selection/dp/0452289963/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;amp;ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1420423999&amp;amp;sr=1-1&amp;amp;keywords=awakening+your+life%27s+purpose

u/fappinatwork · 3 pointsr/OutlandishAlcoholics
u/ic2drop · 3 pointsr/Metaphysics

This was an amazing write up. One that certainly warrants are response of some depth. It should be noted that my reponse will be limited to my readings / knowledge from over the years, and I look forward to some back and forth. Also, you should check out /r/psychonaut as well for some great discussion. Your questions are a bit imposing in their gravity, but I'll try my best to answer them. That being said, let's get started, shall we?

The problem you have stumbled upon is one of the largest issues with the standard model of what "heaven", "God", and "you" are. It is intimated that there is a seperation between these places and beings. This paradox that you have stumbled upon shines a light upon the results as improper. If the answer you find is not correct, that means you either need to change the question, subjectively view your findings, or re-examine the elements of your quesiton. In this case, we are going to do the later.

It is important to note at this point that there is a difference between conciousness and the ego. The ego is the voice inside your head you hear all the time, the fear you feel in a fight, the satisfaction from winning an argument, and has gone out of it's way to prove that it is you. A good book about this topic can be found here and is highly recommended. This acknowledgement of the seperation between your being and your ego is a concept that is very important, and requires a great deal of attention. This is a heavier book, and should only be read when full dedication can be given to the text.

Alan Watts has a significant body of work on the Ego, conciousness, and other illusions of our existance. It would also be a great help to you.

Honestly, I am having issues with putting these thoughts into words. Know that anything and everything you have experienced in your life could only happen because of your physical form. Everything you have ever seen, smelled, touched, heard, or tasted has all been happening in a pitch black container within your own head. This experience of life is temporary, and there is only the now.

This feels like it is a bit scatter brained, and for that I apologize. Unfortunately, you can never be told what it all means, you can merely understand from within. By having someone explain things like this to you, a relationship is developed of teacher and student, intimating a better knowledge of one over another.

Life is a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves. We are the Universe experiencing itself subjectively. On a more scientific level, we exist within an illusion.

Again, I apologize for being unable to impart onto you a full and complete thought process. Please pursue these thoughts, keep pushing for new concepts and ideas. If you look into fractals, it may connect a few different concepts together for you.

Thank you for getting my mind to focus on these topics this morning. The day just became infinitely more interesting.

Remember, perception is based on perspective.

u/squeezebuttmagic · 3 pointsr/exmuslim

&gt; I’m really sorry that this is long. I know that the responses I’ll get on this, if any, will be biased most likely but if any of you could give me advice on what I should read

I've read many books, but the one that has changed my life the most, and has changed the lives of almost anyone I have recommended it to, is this one.

Everyone here probably hates me cause I recommend it all the time, but seriously it's hard to put down. Expect to have your life and perception of life changed forever. People usually recommend his other book, but this book does the best job in explaining the way the human ego/mind works, this is the most important part.

u/jakubkubicka · 3 pointsr/socialskills

Yes, I recommend doing the following: taking an improvisation course (gets you thinking on your feet), befriending and speaking with a lot of women (they're often great conversationalists), learning about emotional intelligence (read this book), and reading the body language chapter of Unlimited Power. All 4 of these should give you great skills and practice until it's a subconscious skill.

u/hopeful_dachshund · 3 pointsr/booksuggestions

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work was a great read. I didn't need all the "I can predict divorce with astounding accuracy!" claims - the book itself was great. It has really concrete examples of good and bad male/female behavior, how to recognize it, and now to break out of the cycle. It also very accurately discussed how there are just long term, unresolveable conflicts in any marriage. No two personalities will completely match, so you need to learn to treat the friction with respect and patience.

Another super interesting book about emotional intelligence is Emotional Intelligence: and Why it can Matter More than IQ. I read this and suddenly the whole "but I'm being logical and you're just being emotional" accusation really took on a new meaning for me. The "logical" person probably has a low emotional intelligence and is probably the person who actually doesn't understand what the fight is about. I really recommend you read this one too. It will help broaden anyone's understanding of what it means to be a high functioning human being.

u/dfairles · 3 pointsr/OKmarijuana

Who is whining? It doesn't bother me personally, but it does others and could cause a backlash from our representatives and voters.

Glad I could help give you a lesson. You could use a little emotional intelligence. Here is a book you really need to read instead of just trying to piss off people. Emotional Intelligence. Why it is more important than IQ

u/altrocks · 3 pointsr/askpsychology

Psychoanalytic theory isn't going to give you much insight into the mind, sadly. It's outdated by almost 80 years at this point. The main psychoanalytic theories on personality and structure of the mind are the common ones in pop-psych that most people know. Freud believed that early experiences were sexual in nature, and failure at any stage of psychosexual development resulted in being "fixated" on that stage (Oral, Anal, Phallic, or Genital), which lead to problems later in life. It's not a testable or falsifiable theory, so it's been abandoned since before WWII as a serious area of scientific inquiry, though many practitioners of classical Psychoanalysis were trained through the 1980's.

Various Behaviorist concepts now dominate the practical applications of psychology, but don't often give much in the way of insight into the mind as it is considered little more than a processor of stimuli. Neuroscience is left to fill in the blanks of how the mind processes that information, and that's how the vast majority of the modern work on it is done: fMRI studies on stimulus-response patterns creating activity in various sections of the brain. for the most part it's working quite well so far and some people have recently begun having human brains directly transmit information/commands through an electronic medium.

If you're looking more for the internal experience or organization of the mind, there's a very wide variety of authors and theories to choose from. The ideas of Schemas and cognitive development by Jean Piaget are still taught and utilized today as they provide a useful foundation for understanding how the mind learns to process information. Similarly, Lawrence Kohlberg's theory of moral development is also still taught and prominent because of the foundation it lays for understanding the basic information processing that's going on in us all the time, usually without our awareness.

For book recommendations, I would have to go with Daniel Goleman's Emotional Intelligence as a good start for laymen in the field to understand where much modern theory is pointing. Goleman's explanation of the slow and fast processes of perception and cognition (one conscious and slow, the other unconscious and fast) are largely responsible for the Freudian phenomena of the "unconscious mind." The ideas of id and super-ego have been largely replaced with neuroscience regarding behavioral reward pathways in the brain (especially relating to addictions), impulse control, and social influences on behavior (taboos, mores, laws, etc).

Personality theories get complex because just defining what a personality is (or agreeing that such things even exist to define) has proven to be problematic. This site gives a pretty good overview of personality theories in psychology and is very well sourced.

Defense mechanisms are part of the out-dated psychoanalytic model, but are still mostly recognizable today as maladaptive behaviors. They're as varied as the people that come up with them, though some are common across populations and cultures (dissociative fugues, Stockholm Syndrome, Munchausen Syndrome, etc.). I don't really have much recommended reading here for informational purposes, sadly. The idea of a coping mechanism or maladaptive behavior is somewhat nebulous and could be almost anything done cognitively or metacognitively to reduce overall stress on the self, including various addictions, self-delusion, repressing a memory completely, rewriting a memory through repeated story-telling, or just ignoring something stressful and hoping it goes away.

Hope I managed to help a little here, even if I didn't give you exactly what you asked for. Good luck in your search!

u/itwasninjas · 3 pointsr/getdisciplined

There are techniques to help manage emotions, and with practice you can become more proficient at doing so. I read this book by Daniel Goleman about 10 years ago and it has really stuck with me since then.

u/a_dollar_sign_texas · 3 pointsr/selfimprovement

I've also been struggling with liking myself, my identity, and generally how to live my life the best I can. Hopefully some of my experiences can help you out.

I am currently undergoing CBT and have been reading a lot of psychology-type books to supplement becoming a better person. I would highly recommend Emotional Intelligence as that was recommended when I starting seeing my therapist. It's hard to summarize but it's mainly about learning to work with your emotions and how to work with them effectively.

I would also recommend Learned Optimism if you want to have a more positive outlook, which I assume most people would want.

Finally, I'm reading The Obstacle is the Way right now and I'm really into it. It's mainly about Stoic philosophy and how your perceptions affect your emotions. I've been getting more into Stoicism lately because it's very much about focusing on what you can change and accepting what you can't. Yes, I know we've all heard this before but hearing someone lay it all out with examples really helps you to embrace a healthier way of thinking.

Those three books together have fundamentally changed my outlook on life for the better.

u/ginjasnap · 3 pointsr/ENFP

/u/jugglegod, are you female? I ask because female ADHD plays out a lot differently than what has been generally assumed/stigmatized as typical symptoms. Here is a helpful article discussing the gender bias in diagnosis &amp; how many go undiagnosed under the radar-- like I had!

To answer your question, I am an ENFP with diagnosed female ADHD. This was a good read for me yesterday that /u/sonofkratos submitted to the subreddit-- its about ENFP but you will be able to draw some similarities between behavioral attributes in this article and attributes of female ADHD.

I wasn't formally diagnosed until 2011 (age 21), so I have only been on medication for it since then. It has been extremely helpful in addition to methods I use to approach my symptoms.

  • I am somewhat glad that I did not take Adderall during my teenage years-- although I would have greatly benefited from it with regards to my academics, home relationships, goal setting, and depression; stimulants are pretty hard on the body, fuck with your sleep/eating habits, and can be easily abused. As an adult I am able to distinguish my personal limits and truly use it for my disorder, and not just heavy studying/partying :)

  • I'll add that if my child were to have it too, I would focus on more cognitive therapy in place of initial medicating during their developmental years. (my opinion) Not only to encourage healthy coping mechanisms, but there are none, if any then not enough, long-term studies that have been released about ADHD medication (stimulants) and the effect on the developing brain/body.

    A really important point I want to make clear is that in NO way did a diagnosis give me an excuse to use in my interactions with others for the way I am. It empowered me to approach my behavior (INTERrpersonal reactionary &amp; INTRApersonal empathy) with cautionary methods to keep me on track.

    The diagnosis helped me understand WHY I was frustrated/depressed--

  • I wasn't reaching the goals/expectations in work/school/extracurricular that I had all intention and motivation to complete because of my inability to focus and stay on track.

  • I was negligent in my friendships with others (has to do with ENFP qualities too) because it was hard to organize myself in a way that kept my committed plans and maintained reciprocal contact

  • I learned to map out micro-goal setting on a structured timeline, and to be forgiving with myself if I still didn't reach it-- more focus on staying on the track, not as much on hitting benchmarks

  • A lot of post-it notes, scheduling reminders (Apple iOS Reminders app is super annoying, but annoying in a way that is effective for me-- features that remind you of certain things when you arrive at certain destinations)

    TL;DR I guess my coping methods are ways of constantly nagging myself-- but my biggest gain has been in developing personal empathy and emotional intelligence. As an ENFP, we're highly emotional/passionate, overthink things, and have trouble with relationships by reacting poorly to those that are close to us when we hold them to our often high (and perhaps unrealistic) expectations.

    These two books (here) and (here) have recently helped me a lot in the areas where my ADHD and ENFP collide.

    Good luck and sorry for the lengthy post!
u/everythingswan · 3 pointsr/GetMotivated

The Road Less Traveled
I think parents would find more useful information here, but I read it when I was 20(no kids) and found it pretty interesting.

The Alchemist
A quick read, I have felt more at ease and optimistic about life since I read it. Both actually have religious themes--didn't bother a godless man such as myself though.

Motivation to be more creative? Poke the Box by Seth Godin
I have quite a few business-related recommendations, but watching or reading Seth gets my brain going everytime.

u/WilliamKiely · 3 pointsr/Anarcho_Capitalism

I don't know what would surprise you, but something I learned that surprised me is that apparently it's actually true that nobody will push you to drastically change the way you live your life for the better. It's up to oneself to do that. One book we read before attending was The Road Less Traveled. The idea (discussed in the book and at the bootcamp) that life is difficult, and that you must accept responsibility for your problems because they won't solve themselves or go away on their own or be solved by others is you just ignore them, is very true. I thought it sounded kind of cliche, but now that I've been home from the bootcamp over a month I'm realizing how true these messages are and how important it is that I accept them and keep them in my mind if I want to succeed at living the sort of life I want to live.

It's practical if you want it. One participant at the bootcamp with me was from India. He was also participating in Startup Chile, and for that he needed to upgrade his visa from is tourist visa. The Chilean government made it very impractical to do this, so he had to take a 2 day trip to Bolivia for the sole purpose of getting the new visa. Very impractical, but this didn't stop him, so I'd say don't let your citizenship hold you back from a desire to be an international entrepreneur.

Many of the people I met were like no one I had associated with before in my life (I'm 22; recently graduated college). I would say these people were the most exciting aspect of the experience, and they undoubtedly opened many doors for me. I didn't jump through any of the doors immediately, because it wasn't my intention to start a company immediately, but now there are a lot more great people I know who are now in my network, and they know me. They are giving me constant access to certain doors, which I may need in the future.

u/Miroesque23 · 3 pointsr/aspergers

Yes, I had very similar thoughts about CBT. I didn't know I was on the spectrum at the time but that's exactly how I reacted to it. In the end I found the Mark Williams Mindfulness book and audio the most useful. It really helped with anxiety and overwhelm specifically, it has useful tools to cope with those. It avoids the CBT issues because it doesn't tackle thinking head-on, it's a subtle roundabout way of dealing with the mind. It was this one: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-guide-finding-frantic/dp/074995308X

To be honest, ordinary long term therapy was difficult too, and didn't help much. The thoughts/feelings thing still makes it hard to progress. I also found it difficult to follow the therapist's way of conceptualising things. It was too alien.

Yes, some follow up from ASD specialists would be very welcome. There are some NAS conference videos and similar online where they discuss things like anxiety in ASD which I found helpful.

I hope you will find something suitable. Anxiety is a torment. I'm glad to say that mine is much more manageable now.

u/AfterJet · 3 pointsr/Meditation

I agree! It is a total rip-off!

&amp;#x200B;

I would recommend that you try reading this book

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/074995308X/ref=as_li_tf_til?tag=drdannypenman-21&amp;camp=1406&amp;creative=6394&amp;linkCode=as1&amp;creativeASIN=074995308X&amp;adid=0C65KDVEXA3E12FA555K&amp;

&amp;#x200B;

It contains a 8 week meditation programme with different techniques. There is also an app if you dont want the book, it is for 5 USD (one time fee). The programme is designed by actual professors and is tried and tested.

u/laidlow · 3 pointsr/perth

Been living alone for about 4 years now, struggled badly at times due to depression and loneliness. Started doing some mindfulness practices and meditation to deal with it last year and it has made a huge improvement. Still have bad days but the frequency and duration have decreased dramatically and I'm much more grateful for what I have.

https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/074995308X/ref=cm_sw_r_em_apa_i_1LVHDbH3H4W3R

That's the book that got me started. If you're skint let me know and I'll send you a copy, I have a few spare that I bought to give away.

u/ringo_24601 · 3 pointsr/london

&gt; I started to look for private therapy/counselling but a) it's a minefield, and b) it's very expensive. If I'm going to pay £120 an hour for someone every fortnight I would like to know that person has a great reputation.
&gt;

Also this mindfulness book/CD: https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/074995308X/

You need to combine that app with learning CBT. I don't see why anyone can't just read up on it rather than attend sessions. You need to learn how the brain ends up in fight/flight feedback loops - and how to identify the 'thought patterns' that are bad, and how to break them.

u/two-thirds · 3 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

Well I think this may possibly be more complex than Feeling Good as I think Feeling Good is really palatable. I think the Feeling Good Handbook is better to keep and look up tidbits from the table of contents.

But my one suggestion is "A Guide to Rational Living" by Albert Ellis. This is REBT which is like the progenitor of CBT.

It basically hammers home one concept, one exercise, and that's ABC(DE).

  • A = Activating Event
  • B = Beliefs (both rational and irrational)
  • C = Consequences
  • D = Disputing
  • E = More Effective ways to think, feel and behave.

    In this book many of the chapters and concepts are taught through a conversation between client and therapist.

    It's simpler as it focuses on one thing, ABCDE. However, goes deeper because of the narrowed scope.

    It's pretty logical, clean, and elegant system. Though, seems quite opposite from ‘Your Erroneous Zones’ from what I see from the pages on Amazon, more rigid.

    Check out the table of contents and pages I've linked from Amazon and see if you're interested.
u/clib · 3 pointsr/gifs

I highly recommend Ellis' best seller. Enjoy the book but i also recommend to listen to his audio seminars on youtube. Hear the theory explained from the man himself.

u/envatted_love · 3 pointsr/Stoicism

Does anyone here do any daily readings of anything not explicitly Stoic?

(To answer for my own case: I occasionally read A Guide to Rational Living.)

u/nomoremermaids · 3 pointsr/SuicideWatch

That book sounds really interesting. Thanks for the lead.

u/Homericus · 3 pointsr/changemyview

I think you might like the book "Stumbling on Happiness" by Daniel Gilbert. It addresses both your complaints about methodological issues with determining people's happiness levels, and discusses issues with people having difficulty determining what will and won't make them happy.

&gt; I do notice that people with more money tend to value it more highly.

I would completely disagree with this, myself. I have noticed that poor people are much more driven by money than wealthy people, and spend much more time concerning themselves with it.

Also I'm not sure that your objection has anything to do with whether or not money has decreased utility for someone who is rich than someone who is poor. It is to some extent unimportant whether Bill Gates values $100 more or less than someone starving to death, what matters is how much utility each would see with that additional $100. The individuals subjective opinion is not the question, the direct utility of the money for that individual is.

u/Skyhook · 3 pointsr/psychology

Some popular psychology books that are very well done:

Stumbling on Happiness by Dan Gilbert

Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions by Dan Ariely

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Chialdini

u/timbojimbo · 3 pointsr/psychology

Stumbling on happiness did some good things for me. It focuses on how happiness is portrayed in our society versus how it occurs in reality.

Very cool stuff, and let me know that I wasn't actually unhappy. I was just believing a lie perpetrated by our society.

u/yoooooohoooooooooooo · 3 pointsr/explainlikeimfive

GREAT book recommendation for you... Stumbling On Happiness. Explains this very thing and is a VERY good read. Essentially...

Our minds are wired to project what's happening today on to tomorrow, and so on. When your today is sad and depressing, you automatically want to think tomorrow will be as well. It's a thought process that everyone does automatically.

Some people lack the ability to be able to project positive things on to tomorrow and they stay in their depression. Others are able to think positively and overcome the sad thought in various ways and not get stuck in depression. Those who cannot, suffer from it longer. There are many mental illnesses that come into play for all sorts of reasons (chemical imbalances, brain damage, disorders, etc. etc.) that can affect the strength of the depression.

Here's an excerpt from the book:
&gt;Imagination cannot easily transcend the boundaries of the present, and one reason for this is that it must borrow machinery that is owned by perception. The fact that these two processes must run on the same platform means that we are sometimes confused about which one is running. We assume that what we feel as we imagine the future is what we’ll feel when we get there, but in fact, what we feel as we imagine the future is often a response to what’s happening in the present.

u/ta98238321 · 3 pointsr/getting_over_it

Hey there. It's always great to tackle problems with willpower; ultimately it's you that is going to need to put the methods you learn about into practice, and these books may help give you hope, and a strategy as to how best to apply it to depression.

What gave me the sense of "good fortune" (more an exercise in positive writing) was the diary experiment in the Happiness chapter of 59 Seconds.

I would recommend Learned Optimism for anyone wishing to supplement therapy with self-help, but keep in mind it may not work for everyone, so keep on pursuing other routes until you find one that helps. The book contains quite a lot of information explaining the scientific validity of the claims it makes, so you might want to skip that and dive in to the bits that will help you the most.

Looking at the book, I'd say reading all of Part One of Learned Optimism is crucial, as well as Chapters 12 and 15.

Good luck, PM me if you need any help.

u/Aunty_Thrax · 3 pointsr/truegaming

As trite as it sounds, the true resolve is sculpted from within oneself.

Mindfulness meditation is a starting place.

All of you who are feeling a resonance with the original post, and the general idea that gaming isn't going to lead to fulfillment, you're onto something. I'm going to post a few links to books which I feel would be beneficial for those of you who have this same feeling. They helped me when I was down (and down I am again) and I hope they can do the same for some of you:

Mindfulness In Plain English

Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience

Learned Optimism

u/Talex666 · 3 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

If we're suggesting a reading list, I have an addition that might be pretty helpful. I haven't read it, but my colleague has given me the run down and speaks highly of it.

The more resources the better tbh, keep on the lookout for decent self-help books. Read them. Come back to them in a couple of months and read them again, just for it to sink in better.

Good luck OP!

u/MrGhkl444 · 3 pointsr/Stoicism

I believe there is a lot of room in modern Stoicism for Optimism, two things that theoretically shouldn't co-exist.

In a theoretical sense, thoughts of the future are "externals" and should therefore be disregarded. However, the day to day realities of nearly every person in the 21st century include some thoughts or worries about what is coming in life.

I've had quite a few heavy-duty health concerns in the past 2-3 years and just having the "Will" to be Stoic isn't always a guarentee when you are going through adverse times and i've found Optimism to be incredibly helpful.

Learned Optimism - Wiki

Learned Optimism - Book

[Interview with Viktor Frankl (Holocaust Survivor)] (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlC2OdnhIiQ)

u/boumboum34 · 3 pointsr/self

This is the very typical thought pattern of clinical depression, and it is a common consequence of experiencing bullying and abuse and mistreatment while growing up. When you feel bad, you begin to think you are bad. The bad feelings and negative thoughts creates a vicious
circle. It becomes habitual so it can be hard to break.

I can relate. I was an abused kid and I have depression problems to this day. I'm much better at handling it now though than I was.

Therapy can help greatly. So can anti-depressant medications (they tend to work best for people who don't have an obvious cause for feeling depressed). So can understanding how it works, so you can change the thought patterns that cause the depression.

If getting therapy for her is a problem (it's very much a trial and error thing), there are books that can help. Two that have helped me the most are:

There is Nothing Wrong With You by Cheri Huber.

and Learned Optimism, by Martin Seligman.

You can help her by letting her know "just because you feel bad, doesn't mean you are bad." You have to replace her belief patterns with new ones. She's so used to thinking poorly if herself that criticisms are automatically believed and taken personally. Compliments tend to be not believed and dismissed because they conflict with her self-image, and they make no sense in her belief system. You need to back up the compliments with WHY the compliments are true. Give her reasons.

If she's wonderful, tell her why. What's wonderful about her? The more reasons you can give her, the more it will help. Treating her really well will help too, over time. She has to learn to believe all the abuse and mistreatment wasn't her fault, she did nothing to deserve it, it was just others being cruel. Let her know that even when she feels she's at her worst, you still think she's wonderful, depression and all. She'll have difficulty believing you at first. "he's just saying that to make me feel better"...then "okay, he actually believes it, but it's not true"....but eventually it'll be "wow....he's right...it IS true...it's just my head messing with me, that's all." You have to be steadfast, and your actions have to match your words.

She needs to learn how to nurture herself, especially when she's feeling down and the dark part of her mind is attacking her. It's an illness. it's not something she has conscious control over. It can be treated.

u/travistee · 3 pointsr/AskReddit

A few books have changed my life. Most directly these two:
The Now Habit and Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life

On a personal level of how I view the world Man's Search for Meaning by Vikto Frankl and The Moral Animal: Why We Are, the Way We Are: The New Science of Evolutionary Psychology have helped me to understand the people in the world around me.

Spiritually, Siddhartha and the Book of John in the New Testament have helped me to be a better human being.


u/anjodenunca · 3 pointsr/zen

If you'd like help calming your mind I'd make a personal recommendation that you go to a local buddhist center of practice and attend some free vipassana or mindfulness meditation instruction.

I'm also very sensitive to woo, but a decent book I've been working through lately is Buddha's Brain, which speaks about the benefits of meditaiton at large, not just zen. There is a very slight admission of some woo in one of the very first chapters when regarding the validity of the religious belief of there "being more to the mind than just meat" or something like that, but you never see it again afterwards, much to my relief, the rest of the book is quite helpful.

u/Fapallo13 · 3 pointsr/NoFap

Great advice, though you should probably give credit to the book you got it all from.

The Willpower Instinct

Definitely a helpful book for getting through NoFap. Or if you dont want to buy the book, orsz gave a pretty good summary of each chapter.

u/Matinator_ · 3 pointsr/IWantToLearn
u/Cryocore · 3 pointsr/gamedev

I deleted my Steam folder 3 weeks back. All 560GB of it. Been the most productive ever since, when compared to the last 3 years. Created a new 3D engine from scratch since the old one I was using was not scaling well in iPhone and started working on the game code

I read this book: Will Power Instinct that helped me realize a pattern.

Identifying and updating your habbits help enforce more self control and keep you focused. Currently reading this book: The Power of Habbit

u/scrndude · 3 pointsr/tifu

I'm going through something similar, I'm not very far into it but so far I've found this helping a lot: http://www.amazon.com/The-Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Matters/dp/1583334386/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1375855716&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=kelly+mcgonigal

The book looks at willpower through a psychology/neuroscience lens, and basically teaches you to take advantage of the way your brain works to help you gain more self-control. The author teaches several classes at stanford, and wrote this book after teaching a couple classes on willpower.

You can find out more about it from here: http://kellymcgonigal.com/category/videos/

(I've only watched this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SROtK-LLZvQ , it basically covers some of the more surprising findings about the way the brain works).

Don't beat yourself up, you're a good person and you can get through this.

u/wackybones · 3 pointsr/FoodAddiction

The Willpower Instinct is a great read if you're open to it. It's not very long and can help you understand your urges and habits which is the first step to getting more control over them, instead of them controlling you.

It sounds like what you're doing is emotional eating, and the best way to stop a bad habit is to replace it with a good/healthy habit that will increase your dopamine levels. Commit to something like light exercise each night, you can try out different youtube videos until you find ones you really like doing. If you aren't into exercising at night, try out some creative hobbies(knitting, drawing, photography, woodworking, etc). These help calm your mind and also increase dopamine levels. Ask your parents if they can stop buying special k for a few weeks if this is your comfort food. Be open with them about how you have been feeling, and they can help you too.

You've made a big first step reaching out for help and admitting that you don't want to do this anymore. Don't give up, even if you do it again one night. Just start over the next day and keep trying.

u/rutiara · 3 pointsr/AvPD

Yep, this is very relatable. When I read it I thought: 'Are you me?'. I'm a programming major so when I study new things on my own (because it's fun and interesting) I always find myself thinking I will make inexcusable mistakes or that I should easily understand that thing I'm having trouble with because it's my major.

Since I'm having the same problem I did a little research and found a post where someone recommended this book (I've barely started it so I can't really guarantee if it's worth your time)

About the art thing, I enrolled in my neighborhood association art class because I reached the conclusion that there's no other way out than go there and show people my crappy art. As a person with SA/AvPD I'm my worst critic, literally I don't even want to grab the pencil because I'm doing it wrong. I fear start a drawing because the ending result will demonstrate how bad I am at this (and therefore at everything in my life). Now, I'll have the obligation to go to the weekly classes and show my crap to more experimented people (and socialize yaaaaaay). Probably in your closest library there is a writing group. You could try it if you feel brave (I'm trembling just by imagining it so...)

I hope it helps. I feel you because your post is also my daily struggle. At least I want to tell you you're not alone in this.

Edit: typos

u/singlefinger · 3 pointsr/zen

You're caught in a biofeedback loop here.

You desire a way to find out how to sustain desire so you can get motivated enough to achieve goals. Those wires are all crossed up. In very scientific terms, I advise this;

Less thinky, more dooey.


If you want some advice on getting things done, I highly recommend The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal.

edit: Here's the audiobook on youtube!

u/habits4life · 3 pointsr/getdisciplined

Hey MisterEff, you're not the only one. I totally know what you're talking about. The swing from optimism &amp; motivation in the evening to inaction in the morning, the anxiety, the putting off phone calls, the weird reflex-like turning away from the task in front of you. I've been struggling with it for years and years, too. Sometimes I do better, sometimes worse.

You've seen a few therapists, and you told them far more background than you've told us, and they're professionals, so I hesitate a bit to jump in here and give advice. But you're here asking, and what the heck, I've got ideas from things I've tried, so here goes.

First of all, you say that you do well and you get good reviews. I suspect you don't give this a lot of weight and you don't really believe it because you're judging yourself for not living up to your own expectations. I think that's deadly to your motivation. YOU DO WELL AND YOU GET GOOD REVIEWS, and that at a job that's important and helps other people. You need to let this soak in and let it boost your self-confidence. YOU DO GOOD WORK AND OTHER PEOPLE APPRECIATE YOU. Let it sink in. Engage with it. Regularly, until you start to believe it.

Anxiety: I've gone through periods of high anxiety, to the point that my whole body seemed to be vibrating with it. I've done meditation, tried hypnosis and guided relaxation, and tried an anti-anxiety med for a while. In the end, here's what I think: my anxiety is mostly produced by my thoughts. I think about what I need to do, and how I'm failing to do it, and how I should have done stuff differently, and other doom thinking about stuff that's wrong. The thoughts produce the anxiety. Really engaging with cognitive behavior therapy helped immensely. It got to where I could notice it happen: notice I was feeling more anxious, notice what I'd been thinking about, and sure enough, I'd been driving it up through thinking. It took a while, but I've managed to get rid of that cycle and my anxiety is down 90%.

Aside from reading about CBT, meditation has been a big help in getting better at catching what's going on in my head and how it affects how I feel. I do mindfulness meditation. Started it through a local Insight Meditation center.

My current "thing" is to try to understand that habit of looking at a task to be done and turning away from it, seemingly by reflex without really thinking about it. Something goes "uhm, nope" inside me and reaches for something else to do... reading the news, going to Reddit, etc., you know how it is. I'm trying to catch that moment and not move to the procrastination behavior, but just hang out in it and see what's really going on. I think mindfulness meditation provides the skill and awareness to catch the moment, but also to observe what's going on. Outcome TBD. :)

I get a lot out of social context. If I have stuff to do that no one else directly care about, it's often hard to get going. On the other hand, if I have a meeting, agree on a plan of action, and have a meeting planned to discuss progress, then I'm often very effective. Social contact helps me, consensus helps me (no self-doubt on how to proceed), and having to meet expectations helps me. Is this true for you? Can you use it to help yourself? The simplest for of this for me is "buddy sessions", i.e. sitting down with someone else in one room with the agreement that neither of you will procrastinate while you're there.

A few more things I recommend reading/looking at:

  • watch this TED talk on Power Poses. It's a short-term tool, but it may help you get over the hump to make those phone calls or do other tasks that make you anxious.

  • Read The Willpower Instinct to learn more about how willpower/discipline works and where its pitfalls are.

  • I think building new habits in very hard for us with the motivation challenge we have, but I'd recommend reading a bunch about habit-forming, using X charts (/r/theXeffect/), the Lift app, etc. You said you tried pomodoros and they worked a bit but didn't stick. Combining pomorodos with these techniques that work across days and weeks should help.

    Remember that there is a payoff from procrastination. Turning away from something that makes you anxious gives you immediate relief, and that's really powerful. Recognize that this is a challenge and that it's understandable that you're struggling to overcome it. It's going to take some engagement, balancing, insight, and motivation to overcome it.

    Remember, MisterEff, YOU DO GOOD WORK AND OTHER PEOPLE APPRECIATE YOU.
u/SeaMonster1 · 3 pointsr/keto

Yes! Keto has helped me control my drinking to a very healthy level. I believe keto has really improved my will power. I also found a book that really helped me understand will power and cravings and how you can practice controlling your own mind. http://www.amazon.com/The-Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Matters/dp/1583335080

u/Aniket_Sonavane · 3 pointsr/C25K

I can see that just like me, you are also trying to make lot of changes in your life..

  1. Fitness ie. C25k

  2. New skill ie. Jiu-Jitsu

  3. Quit smoking

  4. Get over breakup

    But to make any dramatic change you have to keep pushing the wheel everyday till it starts moving. Afterwards it's only a question of steering &amp; refueling. But that 'consistent everyday pushing' is the most difficult &amp; challenging part. You can use that 'Emotional Energy' like anger, frustration, realization etc to push that wheel for few initial days but like 'Sugar Rush' it will quickly crash down, especially if you are trying to make many &amp; major life style changes. What you need is a simple but sound strategy w/o much overhead that you can implement daily till you form a habbit of doing it unconsciously.

    Good staring points for habbit creation would be:

  • r/TheXEffect : You can make 4 cards of above changes &amp; in every card, you mark 'X' for a successful day. Challenge is to mark 49 consecutive X's.These simple X's can encourage you to keep going &amp; to make the chain a bit longer everyday. They also have online website &amp; apps for digital tracking of your habbits. Check out their wiki for details.

  • The Willpower Instinct, by Kelly McGonigal

    &amp;nbsp;


    On "All / None" thinking : I think it shows that you have good 'Intent' but bad 'Judgement'. Don't get me wrong because I also behave in similar way. But now I have realized that being Tortoise is more optimal &amp; practical strategy for solving long term problems. All / None strategy often leads to procrastination &amp; abandoning the project altogether. Slow &amp; steady, if not 'wins' the race then atleast 'finishes' it!

    &amp;nbsp;

    I can't help but comment upon your breakup. I am sincerely sorry to hear about that. But they say that "Rejection is better than Regret". Love is not life but only a 'part' of it. Life can offer you literally infinite more adventures. And with every adventure there will be good days &amp; bad days. It's the journey that we must learn to appreciate &amp; enjoy. Because happiness is not a 'State' but a 'Skill'. I am glad that you are moving forward with positive changes. You will cycle through many emotions like anger, depression, hate, envy etc. due to this breakup. Don't let any of these transient &amp; harmful emotions drag you back to that vicious spiral. Pay attention to the emotions but don't interact with them. Keep yourself engaged in more fruitful activities &amp; passions like running, jiu-jitsu, work, reading, traveling etc. Focus on youself &amp; your family, on the Present &amp; never the Past. It's a tricky situation, so be vigilant and may the force be with you!

    Sorry for the ramblings. All the best... :)
u/PsiPhiFrog · 3 pointsr/AcademicPsychology

Yep, this is somewhat of a hot field. The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal is a quick and accessible distillation of the research. Sorry, I'm on my phone so I can't type up any full strategies or create a proper link. Good luck!

http://www.amazon.com/The-Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Matters/dp/1583335080

u/fuzzy_poptart · 3 pointsr/keto

Others posted excellent keto-related advice - I can't compete with them, so I'll go a little bigger picture on ya and recommend a book on willpower: The Willpower Instinct

I go in streaks on/off/sorta keto, and for me at least it comes down to the willpower issue far more than fool-proofing keto. My kitchen hasn't had non-keto food in probably 2 years, but all it takes for me to slip sometimes is a hellish week at work and a long walk home past my favorite carb-food shoppe and I'm done for. Reading that book really pointed out a lot of things to me that made me recognized what was driving my slip ups.

One of the practices that helps me when I'm tempted - any time you're about to slip, force yourself to wait 10 minutes (have your husband help!). During that 10 minutes, think on your goals and why you want to eat keto. Then see what happens.

u/gasolinerainbow · 3 pointsr/TrollXChromosomes

No problem!! CBT is great, but I have found that ACT can compliment it nicely and fill in some of the holes it has (eg. "What happens when I challenge a negative automatic thought, but it turns out that there is evidence for it?" was one I had issues with).

If you want a good starter book on ACT, which maybe you and/or your therapist could look at, The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris is a great overview. :)

u/ithinkchaos · 3 pointsr/getting_over_it

I don't know, I feel like you are making mountains out of mole hills...achieving success (and happiness) can actually scare people because it means there is more to lose! And this often leads people to making self-destructive decisions that undermine and often ruin the success that was at your finger tips (and yes, I am speaking from personal experience - but that's another story!).

I would highly suggest possibly talking to a therapist if that's an option (I'm a fan of everyone at least "checking in" with a professional from time to time). If not, I would suggest starting a gratitude journal.

Also, I would definitely recommend reading either of these two books (by the same author): The Happiness Trap (applying mindfulness to everyday thoughts and feelings). And ACT with Love (applying mindfulness to our relationships). The second book is based on the first one, it is just applying it to relationships. If you only get one, get that one.

Anyways, I hope you figure it all out, OP! Best of luck to you and whatever may come your way!

Cheers,

Chaos

u/reallyserious · 3 pointsr/simpleliving

There's growing evidence that treating depression is best done with a multi modal approach. I.e. don't count on one silver bullet but try a multitude of things.

  • Get some exercise. Lift, run, tennis, walk, yoga, whatever you can do consistently and not feel like shit while/after doing it.

  • Try meditation if you feel like it.

  • Talk to a doctor. They take depression seriously. The unfortunate thing is that they see people in your situation every day. The good thing is that all those that have walked that path before you have contributed to a better understanding of how to treat depression.

  • Read The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris.

    There's nothing static in this world. Things WILL change. Your mind too.

    Regarding feeding the capitalist machinery, perhaps take some time and feel what is important to you. Then perhaps change job to something that is more aligned with your values. If your job drains you of energy it's time to look for other options.
u/permanent_staff · 3 pointsr/getdisciplined

No, it's this book. But Happiness Track looks interesting, too.

u/LeakyBrainJuice · 3 pointsr/konmari

The book 'The Happiness Trap' helped me. It was recommended by a psychologist. There is a illustrated version, too. https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

u/granitehoncho · 3 pointsr/aftergifted

I recently read The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. You may benefit from it.

u/WaldosGPS · 3 pointsr/Showerthoughts

The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris (link to amazon) is a great resource for helping to deal with some of this anxiety.

Acceptance and Commitment therapy (ACT) has been a really helpful tool for me and a few of my coworkers who have all struggled with this modern problem.

u/tanenbaum · 3 pointsr/socialskills

I can relate to this topic so badly. I can't tell what works for everybody, but I can share what worked for me and what I wished I did way earlier in my life.

Many of these answers suggest that you just go out to public places. I disagree. It may be a cultural thing, as I live in a very introverted culture, but in my experience, this does very little if your mindset is not right. I believe in the mindfulness approach to conquering your thoughts, which in very few words is by not fighting bad thoughts, but accepting them, knowing that you are not your thoughts. Some great books on this subject is Get Out Of Your Mind and Into Your Life and The Happiness Trap. If you like these books, find a psychologist who works with ACT. It gave me so much to see one myself and get his perspective on things.


Now I am going to make some assumptions. If these are wrong, I am sorry, but I hope that you can at least get something out of it.

I would guess that you feel that people wont be able to relate to you or won't find you interesting. Maybe you also suffer from perfectionism and judge yourself really hard. These were the things holding me back. And still are sometimes. Whatever it is, you're probably not sharing yourself with others. People don't know what you're about and that makes it hard to talk to and relate to you.


There's always an uncertainty whenever you open your mouth and express something that isn't neutral. Everything is open to judgement. You have to be completely okay with that. You're probably not right now. Do people like each other and socialize because they are in complete agreement and they think of each other as perfect? No. On the contrary, you become interesting when you have your unique features, good and bad. Unless your bad traits are really dominant, but for most persons they're not. First and foremost, you have to have positive expectations that people will want to hear what you have to say and act like believe it. If you try to stay neutral until you're sure that people like what you have to say, you're going to come of as weird.

I could write a lot more, but I don't want to go of a rant if this is completely unrelatable to you. Please tell me if this is helpful :)

u/randoogle_ · 3 pointsr/gainit

INTP/ENTP "spiritual person" here. Your routine and motivation is not the root issue. The self-hate is the root issue. The way you view yourself and how you relate to yourself (and by extension, the world) is very very dysfunctional, and I guarantee it's fucking up your life in more ways than one.

The negative self-talk is not reality, not objective, and not who you really are. The voice in your head is not only wrong and destructive, it's not even you.

You have a disconnect between different parts of yourself. You hate being "grounded" because when you're in that state, your ego isn't in charge, and you're forced to look at everything inside you you've been fighting. Learn to sit with that pain and not fight it... just let it happen, and watch it swell and then recede. This is, in essence, mindfulness meditation.

Try reading some of these, based on what stands out to you. They are all helpful.

  • The Power of Now --A book about the true nature of self and reality. Heavy Eastern influence. This book has influenced me the most out of the list, and maybe even altered the course of my life.

  • Radical Acceptance --A Buddhist book about loving yourself fully and completely. You are worth it!

  • 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos --A book by a brilliant man about how to live in a world defined by pain and suffering. Heavy Jungian influence. Quotes and references the Bible a lot, but from a Jungian/Campbellian perspective. Occasionally questionable politics.

  • Iron John --A sort of esoteric book filled with poetry and fairy tales about how to be a man. Heavy Jung/Campbell influence.

  • The Enchiridion by Epictetus --This is one of the best introductions to Stoicism, and it's free. Written circa 125 CE.

  • Feeling Good --CBT book clinically shown to be as effective as antidepressants. Your post is filled with things this book addresses directly. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

  • The Happiness Trap --A book about ACT, which is similar to CBT with more mindfulness. Basically CBT tries to get rid of/replace the distorted images of yourself and the world, and ACT tries instead to see them for what they really are, which are meaningless ramblings of an organ using evolved mechanisms to protect its host, and as such are safely ignored.

    Tl;dr: Learn to be kind to yourself, love yourself, and accept yourself just as you are right now, flaws and all.
u/Monster_Popcorn · 3 pointsr/Stoicism

While I haven't any "Stoic" advice to offer you yet, as I'm a beginner, I am a veteran when it comes to dealing with OCD and anxiety. I'm not being hyperbolic when I say, the following book saved my life. Please, get yourself a copy if you can't get professional help. It instructs you in the use of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, as well as mindfulness, to help you manage anxiety. https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1501734358&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=the+happiness+trap

u/atlas_football · 3 pointsr/BabyBumps

Perhaps a self guided cognitive behavioral therapy book would be good in this situation? Is been shown that working with cognitive behavioral therapy even on your own is really beneficial. I myself have done it with this book https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1590305841/ and I would recommend it though there are others that may be just as good.

There's no point in stressing over stress and feeding that negative loop. Stressed women give birth to health babies all the time. Good luck!

u/JaderBug12 · 3 pointsr/BorderCollie

Not sure about telling your dog to "piss off" or "fuck off" as the actual cue words... what on earth is wrong with "watch out" or "move"...

Seriously, go buy this book. It's brilliant and will keep you training tricks for a long time.

u/clickerlogic · 3 pointsr/Dogtraining

Here is a great video teaching about how to motivate a dog to tug which can be a great foundation to get a dog to hold objects.

I believe Kyra Sundance instructs holding objects as a foundation for many of her tricks; but I'm not able to confirm that is is different than the tug game while I'm sitting at the coffee shop. I know her intro is in many of her books; I know for sure, off the top of my head, that it is in 101 Dog Tricks Barns and Nobel also carries the book.

u/jwallwalrus26 · 3 pointsr/shiba

Here are my favorite positive training book

The Other end of the Leash: this one is a really fantastic book on understanding dogs, dog behavior, interacting with them, building a relationship with respect versus dominance. Anything by Patricia B. McConnell is going to be solid advice and techniques.

101 Dog Tricks - just gives a really good guidelines on luring your dog into tricks versus forcing them, plus a lot of good tricks that help with mental stimulation.

Play with Your Dog: Just another really good book on good training, playing, and positive relationship building.

Ahimsa Training manual: This is the training manual from one of the best training facilities in Seattle. There are really good positive trainers.

BAT Book: Behavior Adjustment Training by Grisha Stewart: This book was a life saver for me. Shibas are prone to being really reactive and sometimes have issues with aggression and predatory drift issues, and this book really digs deep into understanding your dog and helping them make the right choices and building them up for success. I personally don't think you need to have an aggressive/reactive dog to get a lot of good info from this book.

Anything by Cesar Milan will NOT be positive training methods. He very much does not follow that philosophy. Positive training techniques do not use force, aversion, do not believe in alpha dominance theory, no physical punishment. It is a give and take type of relationship. Cesar Milan style tends to not do well with primitive breeds especially the Japanese dog breeds.

u/lzsmith · 3 pointsr/Dogtraining

Trick ideas: https://www.amazon.com/101-Dog-Tricks-Activities-Challenge/dp/1592533256
Targeting in particular: http://www.dogwise.com/ItemDetails.cfm?ID=DTB864 --targeting is a building block that can be used to teach advanced tricks like going to marked locations, flipping light switches, and shutting doors.

u/conelrad79 · 3 pointsr/AirForce

I read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life.

It's like studying Zen Buddhism, only with swearing.

u/TheCatWasAsking · 3 pointsr/Philippines

Hey man, cheer up. I've gone through this very same phase for several years and when it ended, I felt a wee bit foolish for having such a narrow view of things. It used to depress me that our greatest export is menial labor and we have a general lack of any contribution to the course of human progress (which was actually an essay of some foreigner commenting about Filipinos as a nation). We still have to win an Olympic medal not because we don't have the athletes but because of corruption and politics. What eventually got me out of this downward spiral of toxic loathing was the knowledge Filipinos are not unique with their societal problems. Here, try this: replace the "Filipino" in your statement with "American," "Somalian" or "Korean," and you'll find people who think your statement is true for them as well. Why do you think there's a Futurama meme about not wanting to live in this planet anymore? Because what you're feeling is universal. One very old quote that's stuck to me is "It's not a sin to be Irish, but it is a great shame." Said by an Irish bloke, no less.

Anywhere you look, if you look objectively, life sucks, even in most modern, progressive countries. This frustration is more visceral for you because your proximity to the problems. Try playing the "at least" game:
"at least we haven't bombed a country and massacred vast swathes of innocent people" (still happening now btw)
"at least we haven't invaded and destroyed entire pre-existing societies and cultures, enslaved their people and exploited them to the fullest for personal gain."

Etc etc.


It's all about perspective, man. I strongly suggest reading this book: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson. Helped me out a lot and now I'm the chillest f*cker in my block (nah, not really lol).

u/danielsharps42 · 3 pointsr/NoFap

Wonderful message! Thanks so much for taking your time to write it.

The tone of your writing reminds me of the writing in "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck". Maybe you should write a book? :)

u/LamaWaffle · 3 pointsr/Codependency

This book isn't so much about boundaries but I think it's an overall great book to read to have a healthy life with better values. It's called The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck

This book does touch on boundaries but it's mostly how to change your perspective of adversity and change for the better.
Hope that helps? :)

u/Mulien · 2 pointsr/Physics

I replied to someone's comment above about notebooks, so see that instead of me copying it here!

Getting immersed in projects is really fantastic, if you are interested in more about that feeling I would recommend reading some books about it (I feel like a bit of a traitor for linking a psychology book in a physics thread of all places!). But, like anything, you can improve at getting into that state, and be able to pursue it better.

And yeah, my comment about the CS people is definitely a bit idealistic haha. You might need to bother a dozen people before one will be willing to spend a bit of time with you, but that's okay.

u/Perfect_Wave · 2 pointsr/math

As someone said it's called a flow state:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_(psychology)

Some cool books on it:

http://www.amazon.com/Rise-Superman-Decoding-Ultimate-Performance/dp/1477800832/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1462376699&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=rise+of+superman

http://www.amazon.com/Flow-Psychology-Experience-Perennial-Classics/dp/0061339202

I've read The Rise of Superman, but not the second book I linked. Definitely recommend The Rise of Superman if you're interested in extreme sports.

u/HuShang · 2 pointsr/starcraft

I think what you're talking about is flow. It's this zone between something that is too easy and too difficult. It's where you get 'into the zone' and just focus.


https://www.amazon.ca/Flow-Psychology-Experience-Mihaly-Csikszentmihalyi/dp/0061339202

u/artranscience · 2 pointsr/bjj

A quick addition to what I mentioned elsewhere here: I really like two books that are highly relevant to this discussion: Mastery, by George Leonard, which is a short but thoughtful read about dealing with the ups and downs of a difficult, long-term learning process (viewed through the lens of Aikido), and, much more generally, Flow, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, which explores the importance of and process for finding depth and focus in skill-based activities.

Basically, both of them dive heavily into why it is more important - even for performance - to focus on the process rather than the goal.

u/PAD88 · 2 pointsr/getdisciplined

There's a concept in M. Csikszentmihalyi's book titled Flow.


He puts in the visualization of an infinite, dynamic curve that one places oneself on in order to achieve a "Flow State". Make the journey into whatever you're working on difficult enough to be challenging but no so much that it becomes continuously anxiety-inducing.


It's a really great read if you'd like to look into the science and some discussion on this concept:


Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

u/Tall_for_a_Jockey · 2 pointsr/Advice

Meditate. Read this then practice it.

u/zzzyxas · 2 pointsr/TumblrInAction

Empathy plus economics.

I'm nonreligious, but my parents required me to attend church every Sunday growing up, regardless of my belief. I suspect that the pastor may have not believed entirely, because regardless of how much I believed in God, I could always take something away from his sermons. This (plus, perhaps, natural disposition) left me extremely empathetic to the plight of the less fortunate. I'm not sure how I'd be if I'd been brought up differently, but I certainly remember feeling strong emotions about reducing suffering in that Sanctuary.

What happens when you reduce the price of something? Well, it depends. There's a whole song and dance involving indifference curves and maximizing a utility function, but coming at it intuitively: it might be such a better bargain that I spend more money on it. Or, I might buy more of it in total, but since the price is reduced, this means I'm spending less money on it. Or, it might be a Giffen good, meaning that I buy less of it, since I can now afford to buy other things that I want more. Because of my background, my reaction to finding out there's incredibly effective charities with funding gaps means I have the first reaction.

I should probably also mention [flow](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_(psychology), since Csikszentmihalyi's book has lead me to believe that maximizing happiness tends to be very inexpensive. Biggest example: I don't own a car because I prefer biking to driving. The biggest difference between what I do and frugality is that my not spending money is a result of happiness-maximizing, which means it has exceptions. In particular, I play a classical instrument which costs about as much as a used car, if I performed more, it'd cost as much as a new car. But, beyond that, I spend almost nothing because doing things that cost money incurs a utility penalty, since I tend to find them less fun than freer stuff.

Oh, and the 10% comes from this blog post. When I reach extremely high levels of financial security, that number will likely increase to 50%, because of how charitable deductions work in my country.

tl;dr: after seeing how much good the best charities could do for so little, my natural reaction was to throw large amounts of money at them. As a bonus, it's literally impossible to make me feel guilty for not giving money to anything else or not being politically active.

u/shroomtat · 2 pointsr/intj

When you realize that you are allowed to write off the negative spiral read the solution, Flow.

u/Pu_Pi_Paul · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

Learn how to Flow. Pretty much the author says, when something requires the right amount of 1) difficulty and 2) creativity, you flow. One result of flow, besides life fulfillment, is time seems to travel faster. How cruel really

u/Mattximus · 2 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

I also recommend Flow

u/STICKballWIZARD · 2 pointsr/zen

Flow is quite literally one of the few sensible and truly useful things I've ever encountered. The denizens 'round here don't take kindly to it. Please, check out the original book Flow, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. It's the most elegant and objective description of psychology and humanity I've ever seen.

u/Stolichnayaaa · 2 pointsr/whatstheword

I have heard the term "zen" used as a shorthand for this feeling. But that is broad.

Another term may be the neologism "flow" as described in this book: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0061339202

u/Panic_Mechanic · 2 pointsr/booknfto

Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience.
This book is by a Hungarian-born American psychology prof on his work of what is most popularly known as "being in the zone".

u/attunezero · 2 pointsr/keto

Welcome! Here's the way that I keep things simple with keto:

  1. Get yourself a food scale. They're cheap on amazon.
  2. Weigh everything you put into your body
  3. Track all of it with myfitnesspal. Keep the net carbs (carbs minus fiber) under 20g a day. Keep a calorie deficit if you want to lose weight.

    You don't really need to complicate it much beyond that. There's lots of really delicious food you can make that's keto friendly as well (I love chaffles).

    You're right that your life is worth much more than hiding! I've really enjoyed the book Self Compassion, it helped me realize that I was being way too hard on myself and that most people do that to themselves. Learning some compassion for yourself can make inevitable setbacks so much easier to deal with and a breeze to bounce back from.

    You can totally do this!
u/klr-77 · 2 pointsr/Meditation

Of course! It’s long though 😂 I (28f) was in a toxic relationship (29m) last year which heightened my insecurities and how hard I was/can still be on myself in general. I met with a therapist who I worked with before; I previously broke my leg playing roller derby and essentially had PST trying to play the sport again but about two years ago he got me through it so I was completing at the mental level I was at before.

In the relationship, I started noticing how down I got, I question my actions and feelings, and my overall neediness was out on control (I’m pretty independent normally). I would cry and get anxiety attacks about the smallest disagreements and changes in my BFs attitude and actions. Most of the time these things were triggered by him being a dick because I was being too needy which led to our relationship essentially being a never ending circle of these two things filled with alcohol and great sex 😂. Super healthy.

I also had 0 support from my friends at this time. I had one friend that HATED my BF and would take out her dislike for him on me. I realized I wasn’t getting the support I needed from my group of friends so I asked to meet with my therapist again. We started meeting around June or July 2017 after my BF and I had been dating on and off since January 2017.

It was really hard to open up to him about everything, but when I eventually did, he told me I’m suffering from anxiety. Plus, I lacked self compassion which heightened the anxiety. He recommended Headspace and this book called Self Compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff . He also mentioned starting a gratitude journal and setting goals for myself to help me move through the anxiety. I took it a step further and would write out my feelings and insecurities as a way to work through them.

I starting to implement the book, meditation, writing, and therapy (quadfecta) into my life but I wasn’t ready to heal. In September 2017, my BF broke up with me for good. I was sad but knew it was for the best because we both made each other miserable despite how much fun we had together. I continued the quadfecta but I still wasn’t ready. I was taking it seriously but mentally wasn’t ready take it to the next level and change. I hit rock bottom at the beginning of January 2018.

I did a 30 day yoga challenge and as I type this I realize this is what got me on a healthy routine and track. I had one thing to centralize my life around since my BF was gone; I personally thrive on overly dedicating myself to one thing. I then got more serious about the quadfecta.

I was able to better incorporate techniques from Headspace such as being present during tasks, stopping to thing what I’m grateful for, setting meaningful intentions, etc. My meditation practice increased and was coming easy to me as it finally was a standard in my routine. I had regularly been meditating maybe 15 days in a row and then one weekend would throw me off. I decided I wanted to set a goal to meditate like 120 or 90 days in a row. I never completed it. I got to day 59 because day 60 was too busy. It was full of fun activities with my friends, yoga, and laziness. I was walking home around 11 pm like oh I can meditate once I get home so I don’t mess up my streak but I told myself no. It wasn’t a no out of laziness but a no out of confidence and awareness. In that moment, I knew I hit a unset goal for myself. I’m an over achiever and have to be perfect at everything, but by accepting with ease I wouldn’t meet this goal, I knew it meant I had improved my mental state.

I continued therapy until July 2018. I was finally at a place where I didn’t need to have regular sessions. It was really hard for me to admit that but my therapists door is always open.

Today, I honestly don’t use the quadfecta anymore 😩 which is totally fine because when I start to get anxious thoughts I breath through them to clam my mind and “note” what I’m thinking or feeling; noting is a technique from Headspace. I also am not hard on myself for having a bad day. For example, I did or said something (I can’t remember... this is how much it mattered 😂) and I was freaking out about it. My mind was so crazy with anxious thoughts. I tried to calm my thoughts with techniques from before and it just wasn’t working and I said okay. I let my mind and thoughts lose control (for an hour or so) to get it out of my system and once I did, I went back to the techniques I learned to prevent anything further.

My mind isn’t as calm as it was before and I miss it so I started meditation again. Today’s day 5!

Hopefully that’s relatable or gives you some insight! If you have specific questions, let me know!

u/lastronaut_beepboop · 2 pointsr/socialanxiety

Real quick. I’m 27, and I’ve personally got SA, GAD, and Depression. Probably dealt with them all in differing levels of intensity for the past 15+ yrs. I personally feel just putting myself out there (exposure), buddhism/mindfulness, and a couple self-help books ( Self Compassion &amp; Radical Acceptance ) all really helped, but learning self-compassion and acceptance were the real game changers.

I feel one of the biggest reasons we are so hard on ourselves is because we fundamentally feel unworthy. The reason we’re scared isn’t the simple act of talking, it’s the fear of judgement/rejection. Compassion helps me be gentle with myself, and acceptance allow me to accept what is, and not what I wish was. If that makes sense.


Also, mindfulness. This teaches me to be present in the moment. Not in the future worrying about some conversation I’m going to have, and not in the past worrying about a convo I think I messed up on. Mindfulness teaches me the beauty of the now. Meditation specifically helps teach mindfulness, and is something thats helped me, but I’ve heard has really helped others.


and CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). Basically retraining my brain. Teaches me to reframe and re-approach my negative thoughts, in a more compassionate and realistic light. In all honestly, I’ve got my good days, and I’ve got my bad. I’m not 100% recovered, and maybe not even 50% but I feel much better, and I have some great tools at my disposal.

To refrain from writing an entire book I made this really brief. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask!

u/upinblue · 2 pointsr/leaves

I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I can really relate. What helps me is thinking about each day I didn't smoke as a victory, even if I relapsed again (after days, weeks, months clean). I think many of us have had the experience that you describe; and I genuinely do feel like I am getting more capable of making the choice to control my use after all the relapses, even if I haven't cracked the code yet of what makes me keep coming back.

It sounds like you might not have fully cracked the code either: but hating yourself (instead of listening to yourself) only makes it worse, so try to take it easy on you. Positive motivations will help: looking forward to spending more time with your kids, or having your mind clear to pursue a hobby or a good book. Sometimes the negative motivations (like shaming yourself) can make the need to crawl back into the hole seem much more urgent than it actually is.

This book really helped me: maybe try giving it a look?

https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520

u/Laureril · 2 pointsr/BDSMcommunity

Having compassion for yourself is a huge part of healing, and it starts by being able to accept that others find you worthwhile. I think you are. You seem like an okay person who’s hurting a lot already.

If you’re eventually able to see the scared little kid part of yourself that was dealing with way more than even most adults are emotionally ready to handle, you can forgive them and offer them compassion, acceptance and unconditional love. You have to intentionally shut down all the internal critics, replace them with self-compassion, and address the fears of loss and the shame/guilt that will continue to bring them back.

If you’re the reading sort, consider Self-Compassion: the proven power of being kind to yourself by Kristin Neff. My therapist recommended it to me because this has been something I struggled with for a long time. Let’s just say your story sounds familiar, though if you want to know I’m glad to discuss further, or I’ve written about it at various times in my post history.

Hugs if you want them, but at least know you’re not alone in feeling this way. The pain will fade eventually, with time and processing it in therapy. You’re still good and human, even if you’ve done things you’re not proud of or lost people you care for.

u/dancingqueen74 · 2 pointsr/CompulsiveSkinPicking

As someone who has struggled with this for decades may I also suggest the book (Edited to add: Self Compassion- The proven power of being kind to yourself by Kristin Neff.) https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0061733520/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1520708340&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&amp;amp;keywords=self-compassion+kristin+neff&amp;amp;dpPl=1&amp;amp;dpID=51lMvyzaYcL&amp;amp;ref=plSrch

u/kapnklutch · 2 pointsr/UIUC
u/Jackal000 · 2 pointsr/ADHD

Tldr: stop comparing, create your own path and be your actualized self.

you need stop comparing. True humanity is being humane. Nothing more. All those things you just listed are things people do to get some satisfaction and in the process we have made them ideals and therefore unreachable standards. Just think about how much ads we see a day, how we are trying to impress the others to look above average. The classical ideals of fame and fortune are utopian.

The thing to realize is that 90% of all humans are average in every aspect, 5 % exceeds expectations and meets the actual standards, the other 5 % is below average and don't have that great odds to get a more humane live. I am talking about genetics here, not about external factors like culture and location. This is evolution.

Where others don't have adhd, the chances are pretty high that they lack in other areas, think handicaps or other health issues or anything that one can hinder in being his true self.

I believe we need be proud to be average this makes us humble and thankfull for that wich we do have. Even the smallest things like seeing or thinking.
It can be hard to strive to those standards we are always trying to reach, for if not those ideals what else has meaning in life?

A tree. A tree is a tree, and nothing more. A bird is a bird nothing more. A amoeba is a amoeba. That's how nature works. Humankind is the only species among with a few other primates that strives to change its self into something else, something more. Why? Why should we do that? No one ever got happy from it and only suffered and made others suffer. That's what's most sports and war is all about.

So I say let us practice the 'modern' stoic way. Don't say I am in it to win it. But internalize your goals. Make it. I am Going to try to do my best. And what is your best? That's being the truest form of your self. See the difference? When you are in it to win it your serenity depends on something you don't control. It's better to put it somewhere you do have control over, like your expectations. Your own personal standards.

Humanity is being human. And you are you. So stand in it. Practice your actual self. With your abilities and disabilities. As is. Accept that. Do not compare it against society. Think of it like you are the only one on earth. How would you feel about your actual self if this was the case?

This is not something I figured out my self but the ancient Greeks and Roman's already lived this way thousands of years under the movement of stoicism.

I mainly got these techniques and thoughts out of this book wich I really recommend, it's a bit though but if are interested in the history is a good read else you can skip to part 2 or 3 of the book the guide to the good life - the ancient art of stoic joy by William Irvine

An other more modern take on certain aspects of stoicism is the subtle art of not Giving a fuck - an counterintuitive approach of living a good life

Note: self help books only help if you are open to them and want to read them, not if you are urged by an external peer to read them

especially for people with adhd these really help and give some solid techniques on how to handle life. It made me so much more confident in my self. From being a shy r/niceguys pushover to an independent man who knows how to love himself and not get upset by daily life. All the while being actually happy, content and innerly calm and serene.

u/saadbinakhlaq · 2 pointsr/india

This is a book that has helped me with depression https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713, try reading it and see if it helps you.

u/Lando_uk · 2 pointsr/sysadmin

You need to learn how to not give a shit, easier said than done of course, but here is a good book https://www.amazon.co.uk/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713/

So many people are in your situation, its a real epidemic - many of your coworkers suffer the same I'm sure, people just hide it. Taking a new job or a holiday probably wont make much difference, you have to change your thinking - maybe have a look into mindfulness.

u/wingzfan99 · 2 pointsr/sysadmin

Have you been reading Mark Manson's The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck? Because it sounds like you have been.

u/SlightFresnel · 2 pointsr/askgaybros

Grindr is literally the worst possible place for anyone with any kind of insecurities, so cut that shit out.

I think only stupid people don't feel like they're unlikable. So congratulations, you're sane.

Heres a book you should read, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.

Once you stop caring how others think, you'll stop getting flustered, and your confidence will go up. Once that happens you automatically go up a few levels... So like so many other things, fake it til you make it.

u/amygdaladefekta · 2 pointsr/AskMenOver30

It's perfectly normal. In fact, if I were you I'd worry more if you didn't have those feelings.

It sounds to me like you're sort of stuck in a rut, man. That sucks. Is there anything else you could be doing, job-wise?

&gt; The thought of getting married and having kids scares the shit out of me.

You are under no obligation whatsoever to get married and father children. Some people choose to do it, some choose not to. I for one, choose not to. It's up to you and what makes you happy and feels right.

&gt; This isn't what I expected life to be like. My outlook on life has become very bleak and the things I used to enjoy has become boring.

It's only just begun, and that's a good thing. But I get what you're saying, though. For example, I've played guitar since I was around 12. For a couple of years I just didn't feel like it.. Didn't play a single riff for months at a time. This year I met a woman who just started a year ago, and we had a blast playing together. Jammed on old classics and taught her a couple of tricks. Bam! My enthusiasm for my beloved instrument was back. Point is, your passion for the things you used to enjoy can strike back just like that, given that you're in a good mental state.

&gt; I'm just going through the motions, nothing matters. Does life get better after your 20's?

Speaking of a good mental state. Yes, it gets better when your 20's are over. At least for me, that decade was a fucking ordeal. I came to terms with who I was and what life is like, be it fucked or not. Giving less fucks about shit that didn't actually matter helped a great deal for my overall well-being. The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck pretty much sums it up.

Best of luck. Your best years are ahead of you, not behind you.

u/brando56894 · 2 pointsr/ShittyLifeProTips

Excellently put! I recently learned a lot of that from a self-help audio book called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson, who pretty much said the same thing as above. Once you stop largely caring about how you measure up to others and worrying about how they perceive you, it's a big load off of your mind. As he puts it "there are only so many fucks I can give in one day, so I reserve them for the things that I truly give a fuck about", essentially, don't concern yourself with petty bullshit and you'll be a happier person.

u/Slothlydoes-it · 2 pointsr/leaves

You are very welcome!

If you like reading/Audiobooks - This book was a really good starting place, plenty of science in it, so it's not wishy washy 😂.

The Compassionate Mind (Compassion Focused Therapy) https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B002S0KBYU/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_TlGCCb7KFWEWP

It's 99p on Kindle format atm.

And this was fun to listen to on Audible -

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_noGCCbA3QEVJR

Regardless, you'll get there if that's your intention, just keep doing what your doing 👍

u/BowTieTime · 2 pointsr/BettermentBookClub

&gt;Do you do this after you read the book, or during?

I'm actively doing this while I'm reading the book. It helps that I'm usually reading a book with my laptop in front of me, but if I don't have my laptop I'll usually just jot down some notes in the margins/highlight/write on scrap papers and then put it in my mindmap later. I see this as being a tool for me to go back and absorb information quickly months down the line so I don't have to reread a book a bunch to pick up ideas again.

&gt; Is the software just for desktop/laptop use or smart phone too? (And how do you use it?)

It's opensource so I don't think they have an app. However there are a bunch of mindmap softwares out there so I'm sure there is one that links to mobile. I just happen to like this one because it's free! As to how to use it, there is a fairly good help page in the software once you download it and you pick up how to use it after reading it for ~30 minutes or so.

&gt; I'd love to see your completed one if you want to post it!

I'll make a post about it or link to it here once I have a good one. Currently filling one out for this subreddit's current reading so I'll post it in a week or two.

u/Bozzzzzzz · 2 pointsr/Showerthoughts

I present to you: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

I think you're ready...

u/CaptainFluffyTail · 2 pointsr/sysadmin

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson. Didn't help me starting out, but helped recently. Have to keep work in prospective with everything else.

u/xdiggertree · 2 pointsr/OpiatesRecovery

You are not doing anything wrong. I am about a year into recovery and went through many different avenues. I tried AA, Smart Recovery, Refuge Recovery and an outpatient program with my health insurance. So, I have gotten a taste of most of them.

Just like in all walks of life, there will be some people that try to bring you down. This is no different at the meetings you will go to. Some people will belittle you for whatever reason. There is 100% nothing wrong with being new. Try to ignore the odd lingo that some of people use, such as, "rehab virgin, normies, etc."

I suggest you also broaden your search and see if you can find any of these resources in your area:

  • Smart Recovery
  • LifeRing
  • Refuge Recovery
  • Out patient program with you health insurance

    I found more success moving between all these resources based on what I was struggling with at the time. I also suggest you pick up a couple books. I found a lot of solace looking towards philosophy. Some books that helped me were:

  • Beyond Addiction
  • The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck
  • Refuge Recovery

    With recovery, just stay away from any of the social drama. Listen to the knowledgable people. And, always remember that we are all in a vulnerable place.

    Hope this helps!
u/CunningMan59 · 2 pointsr/AskMen

This is my main hobby.

u/Purplekaem · 2 pointsr/askwomenadvice

I’m getting ready to read this. Maybe you should try it, too.

u/axel_mcthrashin · 2 pointsr/gaybros

&gt; Unlike the vast majority of gay men, I have mental health issues and baggage.

99.9% of gay people have mental health issues, and everyone most certainly has their own baggage. If someone says they don't have baggage, they're just in denial and probably a giant fuckface, like your ex. If you're down, I suggest reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Marc Maron, it's a fairly profane approach to a zen-like mentality.

&amp;#x200B;

u/bluprince13 · 2 pointsr/education

Totally agree. The book ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck’ is all about this.

u/Fuzzy_Thoughts · 2 pointsr/mormon

The book list just keeps growing in so many different directions that it's hard to identify which I want to tackle next (I also have a tendency to take meticulous notes while I read and that slows the process down even further!). Some of the topics I intend to read about once I'm done with the books mentioned:

u/FapstronautOC · 2 pointsr/videos

Yes 100%. I totally messed up the title and missed spelt the authors name. But here's the link.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_dSI8ybGEPCT0K

u/Ciscogeek · 2 pointsr/NoFap
  • Start going for long walks daily
  • Look into hiking (perhaps getting into /r/BarefootHiking)
  • Start working out
  • Begin reading, either fiction that's interesting, or non fiction to learn or improve yourself. I highly recommend The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck
  • Pick up a second part time job (or get one if you don't have.)
  • Start working on new skills that have always been of interest you you (great to have for future jobs, and working towards becoming freelance)
  • Meditate
  • Serve/help others - volunteer time for causes and events (also good for connections)

    I can't even get to half that stuff I'm so occupied. You should not be 'bored' because if you're bored, you're doing lit wrong.
u/kikikza · 2 pointsr/PsychologicalTricks

This post reminded me of this book, it's actually pretty worth reading. I don't usually read books like it, but it was the only book in English at the bookstore in Italy I went to

u/kw2002 · 2 pointsr/uwaterloo

Eliminating stress and resultant anxiety and resultant mood problems as much as possible from life. In my case that meant learning not to give a fuck and more importantly just bing myself. Perhaps counterintuitively my grades actually improved as a result so caring less == performing better

u/h3ndofry · 2 pointsr/sydney

Everything that you've said is fixable though.

By one thing.

Confidence.

Doesn't matter if you don't feel that way, if you're able to project confidence (not arrogance, there's a difference) it can help a lot.

It's bloody hard to meet new people (and I have this problem, too) but honestly, as we get older, we think "we can't do this shit anymore" - that ain't true.

Can I suggest you read this book? It might give you a nudge towards at least being a little bit more sure of yourself. Long story short, you're giving too much of a shit about what other people think, and not enough of a shit about what you think. This might not happen overnight, but all you need is one little step at a time then maybe you can believe in yourself a little bit more.

u/Avenger772 · 2 pointsr/OkCupid

Excuse me for being the voice of reason.

Perhaps more people should jump on the logic train

u/lynx_and_nutmeg · 2 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

Mark Manson - "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck". As the title and description suggests, it's pretty unconventional and controversial, and IMO the best self-help book I've ever read, and I'm usually not a fan of most "self-help" books. Check out his blog too.

u/FantasticHamburguesa · 2 pointsr/nihilism

The act of not caring isn't the easiest thing to do for most people. Caring about what other people think of you is one of the things we kinda need in our minds to be able to live in harmony with other people. So to reject the surface of not caring can sometimes be hard. One thing you'll notice is that it's a trait a lot of old people have haha, people who have "been there, done that" and learned lessons from each of their experiences. That's not a common trait to find among younger people. I'm just babbling, you want answers right?

I'm reading a book called The Subtle Art of not Giving a Fuck. I'm nowhere near done with it, but even the small amount that I have read so far has REALLY helped me get rid of so much anxiety. This book even helped me improve my grades as well, and it's making me realize so much more about myself. I suggest you read it. Rent it from your local library if you don't wanna buy it.

I know you were looking for answers that coincide with nihilism. Sure I can say "nothing matters you're all gonna die so why care?" right? But you already know that so that answer would just be redundant and a waste of time.

u/DrWhoisOverRated · 2 pointsr/AskMen

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck? I might have unintentionally paraphrased something from there.

u/Amsnabs215 · 2 pointsr/toastme

You look like the kind of guy I would be happy to have date my teen daughter. You appear kind and respectful. 16 sucks for just about everyone, it will get better and you will live your dreams. Just don’t give up and you’ll see- this life has a lot to offer you.

With maturity comes an ever increasing ability to not give a fuck what other people think of you. In fact, do you like to read? Check out this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

Good luck son, you’re gonna do great. ❤️

Edit: You are certainly not a Luzer and might I suggest you make a new username so as not to reinforce that idea in your mind. You want to try to focus on positive things about yourself, not drill home the negative things your brain invents.

u/nysmoon · 2 pointsr/Vent

Have you heard of this book: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713 ? I really recommend it!!!

You are a great person, you have ambitions and goals! Majority of people don't have that, believe me!

To me it seems like you are trying to meet someone else's expectations (you parents? your friends?). You don't have to be the best to be happy! That opinion, that happiness comes with uniqueness has been around for way too long. That's not true :)
You don't do stuff with a goal to become really good. You do stuff because you like doing it! And when you enjoy doing it and do spend a lot of time doing it, then you become really good! See, it's not a goal, it's a result!
It's all in that book, it's worth time and money, read it :)

u/jimboge32 · 2 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

Highly suggest audiobooks or if you have chrome on a computer and/or a voice assistant on a smartphone (Siri, Google, etc.) then use the Read Aloud/ Text-To-Speech features for books in the ePub format. Here's some links for these tools:

•Read-Aloud Features: Siri on iOS or Google on Android
•Online Text-To-Speech Program: Natural Reader (Free use for basic voice, sounds a little robotic but it's handy)
• Book Management Software: Calibre (can convert PDFs, Kindle format books to ePub. May not always work due to DRM and content formatting.)

Recommended books:
Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns, MD
(Amazing book for anyone looking to turn their mental health and lifestyle around with the power of cognition)

Mindsight by Dr. David Siegel, MD
(Another psych book dealing with various techniques for improving our mind-body-spirit connection from a neurobiological standpoint)

•.The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle
(The book has sort of a cult vibe but the overall message is about understanding who you are in the present and not letting your mind stop you from living beyond your physical capabilities)

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson
(Very down to earth guidelines about how to adjust perspectives that focus less on others and more on your own needs)

I wish you good luck and remember that everything you need is already with you.

u/n0whereman · 2 pointsr/DoesAnybodyElse

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson may have some helpful insight for you. I recently finished this book and have been recommending to all of my friends. The first chapter is kind of obnoxious, the rest of the book is pure gold in regards to gaining perspective on managing the things that are truly important in your life.

u/UWhiteBelt · 2 pointsr/uwaterloo

&gt; how does one improve social skills?

Reading some books on how to deal with social anxiety may help. This one has pretty good recommendations. Mark Manson also has an easy to read book.

For myself, I enjoy stoic literature. It's good to know that even during times of hell, you can still find some inner peace in your mind. The point of stoicism isn't to imagine that bad things don't happen, but that you are much more capable of dealing with terrible situations than you would otherwise think.

u/op_pollicis · 2 pointsr/india

This Bible might help.

u/deathBlad3 · 2 pointsr/india

There's already a book

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck https://www.amazon.in/dp/0062641549/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_KE7OzbEJYSC63

u/RealisticKinStudent · 2 pointsr/uwaterloo

I know this isn't a comment you want to read, but tbh dude, just buy this book if you haven't already read it.

I think you have a problem with being self-loathing because you're constantly comparing yourself to other girls. There's a good part in the book the really encapsulates your situation, and I think you'd benefit overall from reading it. It's $12 and it's a short read. Give it a shot.

For my own personal advice, when it comes to diet and exercise, your goal should be to develop habits, not to seek a specific weight. Focus on developing healthy habits (which it seems you are doing good). I find doing that makes me much happier rather than trying to obtain a goal hoping i'll be happier once I reach it.

u/bloodbirds_ · 2 pointsr/booksuggestions

"The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counter-intuitive Approach to Living a Good Life" by Mark Manson. (link to book)Not exactly a book to help find who you are, but it can help you start thinking differently and might help you discover what you really want to focus on in your life.

u/exroshann · 2 pointsr/getdisciplined

Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength

Self-discipline requires willpower, and the book explains how willpower works and how you can optimise it.

https://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human-Strength/dp/0143122231

u/ConfusedD00d · 2 pointsr/ADHD

That sucks... You should look into Modafinil. It's being used as an alternative to amphetamines and can be readily imported in some countries without a prescription.

As for subjectivity, the truth is that ADHD and the brain aren't really understood well enough to have clear cut instruction manuals. You'll have to pilfer from different places. A book that I found useful in understanding some of the dynamics at play was Willpower. It does use a lot of qualitative examples but they are backed up by scientific literature https://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human-Strength/dp/0143122231

Good luck.

u/JimmyJimRyan · 2 pointsr/GetMotivated

Oh yeah. I do go and work out most week days but every once in a while I'll feel shity and might only jump on the threadmill for 20 minutes but I keep going.

Habit building is a skill all on it's own and the habit is more valuable than any workout. I also use my indicator/turn signal when noone's around, it takes less will power. My goal with these things is always to get to automatic so it doesn't take willpower anymore.

I recomend this

http://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human-Strength/dp/0143122231

u/hunterofthesnark · 2 pointsr/personalfinance

I think the two with the biggest bearing on this issue are Willpower, by Baumeister and Tierney and Self Directed Behavior, by Watson and Tharp.

Both are amazing reads, and the Self Directed Behavior book is a life changer if you follow their protocol.

u/SmaugTheGreat · 2 pointsr/gifs

&gt; I wonder if this is a common response?

Yes, according to a book by Roy Baumeister that I read it is a natural response to crave for sugar when you're frightened or feel bad (and I'm sure that shock costed your body lots of energy also).

u/BeetleB · 2 pointsr/everymanshouldknow

Get this book and read it.

There's a lot of advice out there, and you won't be able to tell which is reliable and which everyone believes simply because it sounds logical. The book discusses the science behind willpower.

It may not have that many tips, but I think it's key to understanding why certain attempts in the past lead to failure.

u/Schadenfreuder · 2 pointsr/GetMotivated

"Patience is a muscle" is a great metaphor, but what you're really doing is rewiring your brain. Your brain is very malleable and it can be retrained via repeated effort.

I highly recommend Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength and The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains if you want to learn more about the science of it.

u/pushabloom · 2 pointsr/NoFap

I would also recommend these two books. They are both great in that neither one is a 'self-help' book but rather the most up to date science about (resisting) addictive behaviors.

http://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human-Strength/dp/0143122231/ - Willpower is like a gas tank. A lot of the 'side effect' reboot stories you get here are explained by this book.

http://www.amazon.com/End-Overeating-Insatiable-American-Appetite/dp/1605294578/ - I read this one twice while I lost 60 pounds. Most of the things said about food and methods to avoid breaking from one's diet apply equally well to nofap.

u/anon1111111111111111 · 2 pointsr/NoFap

So I read this book Willpower, which I think is a pretty neat book. One of the chapters is about David Blaine and how he trains for his endurance acts (seemingly godlike displays of willpower).

However anecdotal (n=1), the book elucidates that when he is training for his next endurance feat Blaine will be very focused not just on the endurance act itself, but in all aspects of his life. He is more apt to working out hard, eating healthier, etc.

Personally this is my longest nofap streak that I attribute to focus in all aspects of my life. Lifting heavy, eating proper, studying hard in school, partying hard on the weekends (just being social, not necessarily getting bombed). Where the shower comes in is that I think it is just another involvement of an act that requires a degree of discipline. It's kind of like a 'healthy diet' for ones skin. Self denial.

Anyhow I'm done rambling keep it up guize.

u/freedmni · 2 pointsr/nba

It's within your grasp man. This book, "Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength" changed my life. It's stays true to science, while at the same is well-written and fun to read. You could be the Kobe of... you know, whatever it is you do :)

u/WatchingTheThronePod · 2 pointsr/Kanye

https://open.spotify.com/user/cjhlambert/playlist/6rdsDoz8Hxi0EYbybhdZOq?si=Ej1TmeNg

And I'm not a doctor so take this with a grain of salt. But when I had my depression and got out of it I was really fascinated by the process and have spent a few years reflecting on it, reading books on neuroscience, forming theories, testing them, etc. Real stupid nerd hobby stuff that I find interesting because psychology is so interesting.

Depression tends to fall into two categories. Hereditary and circumstantial. Hereditary depression is genetic in nature and responds very well to medication. Circumstantial depression is the kind brought on by a relationship ending, being in a job you hate, not being satisfied with life, etc. Circumstantial depression is due to negative thought circuits so doesn't really respond to medication because medication treats chemical imbalances. Chemical imbalances aren't the same as negative thought patterns.

Negative thought patterns almost always have a trigger sensory trigger. As do most negative patterns. For example, say you get McDonalds every day on your way to work. You put on 100lbs. You decide you want to lose the weight. Every day you drive to work will be a struggle to not get McDonalds because you've formed a habit chain triggered by the drive to work. Fighting the trigger will deplete glucose (the willpower resource that fuels good decision making), leaving you susceptible to poor decision making later in the day.

So if you want to break the McDonalds habit and not have the morning struggle the solution would be to take a different road to work. This is because the new route means a new neural pattern has to form for "drive to work" since the new route has different sensory information. This means it cleans the slate when it comes to triggers. Meaning you won't have the same McDonalds cravings.

The best thing you can do then to recover from a depression is rearrange as much as you can. Change the layout of your bedroom and living room. Buy five new shirts. Travel to a city you've never been to before. Get some decorations. Spend time with friends at places the two of you have never gone before. Start watching new TV shows you've never seen.

By rearranging the furniture around you, you create a new neural pattern that dilutes the power of old triggers. Like, if you and an ex sat on the couch all the time, every time you sit on the couch you'll trigger the neural patterns for your ex. But if you move the couch to face a new wall then you suddenly don't have any memories/patterns of having been with your ex in this situation.

When I was depressed at college and couldn't drop out, I ended up spending a lot of time at the campus book store reading graphic novels. I'd go to the art museum. I'd go to movies. By immersing myself in these artistic realms it made the reality of Cleveland in the winter that much more bearable because for a few hours each day I was mentally and spiritually gone from Cleveland.

For some further reading, check out Willpower by Roy Baumeister. Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. Then I really recommend reading the book The Definitive Guide to Body Language by Barbara and Allan Pease (something like that. The body language book is just something really cool because it always gives you something to do. Like, I've been at parties where I didn't know anyone but because I know this dumb shit about body language I could read the room and know who liked who, who disliked who, who wasn't having a good time, who was, and then figure out who to talk to. It's helped me make friends, get laid, get friends laid, do well in work situations, etc. invaluable information that was also part of my getting out of depression.

If you have any questions, please ask!

u/greatjasoni · 2 pointsr/JordanPeterson

That's called imposer syndrome. Look it up. Literally every graduate student has it. It's very normal.

Creatine is a substance found in high end red meat and fish that most people are deficient in. It's usually taken by bodybuilders as a workout supplement but many people take it for their brain. It's pretty much like taking a vitamin. You can find it at mist pharmacy's or on Amazon. People who are deficient in creatine, which is most of the population, can see about a 5iq point boost. It's one of the most well studied substances that exists, there's 0 downside to it as far as I can tell. (Omega 3 is good as well, but it's less dramatic and more well known)

Depression can also lower your iq by a good few points. Although if you already exercise you're probably doing most of what you can to manage it. A dietary change can help a lot with your overall brain power too. Look into a keto diet, or read an experiment to find a good diet, and you'll have a lot more energy to get things done. You said you have a healthy diet so you're probably good on this, but if you're still feeling bad the diet might not be healthy enough even if you think it is. Many people react differently to different things and there's a ton of misinformation as to what constitutes healthy.

Being a graduate student is a miserable job. You're working absurd hours for bad pay and expected to do amazing things with low odds of success. It's normal to feel the way you feel. Maybe get a therapist. Even if you're not depressed, just talking this stuff through will help you feel better and thus be more productive. Happy people tend to be significantly better at their jobs than unhappy ones so if you can learn to be happy it'll help quite a lot.

I'd recommend the book feeling good, as well. It's basically a guide to doing cognitive behavioral therapy on yourself. I disagree with the philosophy of the book, it maintains that its irrational to be unhappy regardless of circumstance. It's something Jordan Peterson is completely opposed to. However the methods of the book are scientifically sound and Peterson has vouched for the utility of cbt and uses it himself depending on the patient. It'll help you notice a lot of bad and irrational thought patterns and counter then with thoughts more congruent with reality.

u/BasicDesignAdvice · 2 pointsr/getdisciplined

mostly meditation, exercise, and a positive journal. i try and meditate twenty minutes daily and i also write one page in my journal everyday. i also exercise for a half hour every day (alternating running and body weight training). my journal entries start with three things i am grateful for and/or make me happy, followed by one in detail description of something positive from the last twenty four hours. both range from large things to small, as long as they make me happy. both of these train your brain to scan the environment for positive things.

all of this is stuff i learned from The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor, whom i discovered via his TED talk.

if you like i can send you the ebook version that i have. that book really changed my perspective on my own thoughts. overall a hugely rewarding read. i think i liked the book so much because it was exhaustively cited. Achor himself is pretty accomplished in the field of positive psychology.

u/peoplearetalking · 2 pointsr/BabyBumps

I think this is going to be a lifelong problem if you don't do something about it. I think you do need to confront it, but you need you husband's support as well. My suggestion for everything is to read a good book on the subject. My recommendation is Boundaries. And I would have your husband read it too. I hope you find some peace with this situation. Good luck!

u/rthomas6 · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

Boundaries. Read this book. I cannot emphasize how much I feel like this book was meant for you. I think it might help you be more at peace with your own life and with your relationships with others. This book has helped me personally, also.

u/Thefirstofherkind · 2 pointsr/relationship_advice

Oh and this book has really
Good reviews on helping people set up and maintain healthy boundaries! Because getting there’s really hard and sometimes we need a hand https://www.amazon.com/dp/0310247454/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_SHmGDb8XXCXP9

u/otitropanit · 2 pointsr/relationship_advice

I feel like I could have written this exact post, down to the teeth and the mother and the ways he helped you and the outbursts you displayed, and the suicide threats. Especially the thinking that if he would just stop drinking, it would be amazing.

Definitely get to Al-Anon - either in person or virtual meetings.

Not for all, but for many substance abusers, there are underlying mental health issues. I thought alcohol was the issue. Then he was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder (rapid cycling), and later borderline personality disorder. What I thought was a great guy a bit down on his luck who was addicted (but could shake it, I just knew he could!), turned out to be a man who was struggling with a lot and though he needed love, was not in a position to be in a romantic relationship. I recommend checking out some websites about dating someone with borderline, bipolar, or antisocial personality disorder to see if any of it fits. If not, great! If so, it will likely feel like a missing piece of the puzzle just appeared.

In regards to your outbursts - they are not ok, which you already know. If you haven't yet, please read the book Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life . It explains that these anger outburst are a very NORMAL reaction to your boundaries being completely violated or disregarded. And they are a sign that you need to change something.

If you wait for him to be "ok enough" for you to leave, it will never happen. You didn't create it cause this, and you are not responsible for fixing or solving it/him. Take care of YOURSELF because no one else will and when you start to fall apart, your own road to recovery will demand it anyways.

u/MiniDeflector · 2 pointsr/exmormon

A few months ago my narcissistic mother and I got into it. It didn’t involve religion like with your mom, but basically who she is a person and how she’s affected me growing up. I felt like shit for a while. I felt really guilty. “She is my mother after all.” I held off on acting on my guilty feelings and it’s been radio silence for a few months. I feel better than ever. She was constantly adding to my stress and anxiety and it has lessened over time. I think you should take a break from each other. I highly recommend this book. It was eye opening and life changing for me. When you resume contact set firm boundaries and follow through with consequences for breaking your boundaries. Just because she’s your mother doesn’t mean she can disregard your boundaries.

u/forgetasitype · 2 pointsr/Parenting

You're welcome! There is a great book called Boundaries that gives a great blueprint on how to know what you should help with to be a decent human being. There is a concept of a burden vs a load, that I found very helpful. The book has a Christian slant, and although I am not a particularly religious person, I still found the book very helpful and not too "churchy."

u/orangeunrhymed · 2 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

There's a Christian based book called Boundaries that might help you with his family, check it out.

u/lcoursey · 2 pointsr/raisedbynarcissists

Boundaries - This is the book that finally put me at ease after cutting off my nmom. Her lack of respect for (and my complete lack of understanding of) boundaries is what let her keep her hold over me. Once I understood what healthy boundaries were and how much I should expect my own wishes to be respected then I was able to move forward.

u/LaserBees · 2 pointsr/everymanshouldknow

It's some serious shit, wish I could help. I can at least recommend this book, Boundaries. Read it man. You have to have boundaries in your relationships that are healthy and entirely reasonable. This sounds to me like a major issue in your family.

u/Supervisor194 · 2 pointsr/exjw

When I left at 24, I told my parents that I didn't want to discuss religion. I effectively shut down the conversation. By that point I was a fully self-supported adult and had been for several years, living on my own. No one, including my parents, have the right to come in my house and talk about things I don't want to talk about and I made that clear. There was no discussion about how I felt about the religion because there was no discussion about religion at all. I love my parents like you do, but there are boundaries in this world that everyone, including JWs have to respect. This is a secular idea, not a religious one. This book helped me to figure that out.

After several years of having a relationship outside of the religion, it became less weird and more normal, to the point where my parents felt comfortable asking again how I felt about the religion of my youth and my answer was: "I don't believe in the Bible." This is an easier answer for JWs to accept because apostasy in their mind really does actually mean actively working against the organization and particularly in the context of taking up another religion. When you simply say that the basis for their religion is the reason that you leave, they actually have no good response. The WTBTS doesn't deal with that issue very effectively (because they can't). The WTBTS spends the great majority of its energy explaining why all other religions are shit and their interpretations of the Bible wrong.

It's been 18 years now. They have accepted my decision, they chat about going to assembly and stuff like that but that's just their life, it's no big deal.

One thing I would definitely recommend is NOT going to Memorial or doing any kind of token service. Don't drag out the inevitable. Take a stand, be kind but firm. You are a human being, you are an adult. Even in the context of this fucked up religion, you have the right to stop going if you are discreet about it.

u/abcdefg123abc123 · 2 pointsr/polyamory

You can’t control her, but you can enforce your boundaries.

Sounds like this could help you a lot. Hugs.

u/ass_munch_reborn · 2 pointsr/relationships

Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud:

http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454

While it has Christian overtones (which irks me as an atheist), the fundamental message is clear about setting up boundaries to limit the hurt and guilt that loved ones sometimes place upon you.

You can love someone who is hurtful without having them hurt you.

If highly recommend you check this out.

u/JustinJamm · 2 pointsr/Christianity

There are very deep roots behind your anger, and the judgment in which you hold God and others. It's not simply a question of choosing to get angry. It has roots -- and just like weeds grow back if you chop them down but don't get at the roots, this will keep returning if you don't get to the source. (Sometimes a therapist can help with this.)

So what the roots for you? I don't know you well enough to say, but here are some ideas:

  • A passive parent. If you had a parent who tolerated ongoing wrongs committed by siblings, some deep part of you may have "learned" to compensate by using your own anger. This would also mean God's apparent "passivity" indicates a lack of love, or stupidity, or both. (Notice I said "apparent," not actual. We are predisposed to see God using the lens of people we've known.)

  • Young survival experiences. Perhaps you learned that you will always experience pain when you are at the the mercy of others, and the only dependable solution is to inflict fear on others so they know not to mess with you. Naturally, this makes God's patience look stupid. But turning away from this means accepting pain as a part of life's brokenness, rather than constantly blaming God and others for it, or accepting others in their brokenness while setting boundaries without using fear.

  • An either/or fallacy. Sometimes we "learn" there are "only two ways" to deal with problems. For example, learning that "wrath-enforced" boundaries and "not setting boundaries." If you learned getting angry all the time isn't the answer, then moved to "not having boundaries," over time you would naturally learn that doesn't work either. And if you believe, deep down, that God wants you to do it the second way, you will naturally resent him as being stupid. But there is a third option: "gently-but-firmly enforced boundaries." This is the one God takes, and the one he wants us all to take. Until you know what it looks like, you will bounce back and forth between silence and rage.

    Those are just a few ideas. I hope you can see a bit of a pattern, and unravel the roots. Chopping down the weeds of your behaviors (and outlook on God) will keep returning until the roots are dealt with.

    Hebrews 12:15 "See to it that...no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many."

    I HIGHLY recommend you consider the book "Boundaries":

    http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454
u/jaimedieuetilmaime · 2 pointsr/AmItheAsshole

You need to learn how to set appropriate boundaries—you're giving, but only under compulsion. I'd say, not necessarily an asshole, but definitely not in healthy relationships. I recommend this book ("Boundaries") and possibly a therapist for you.

u/Kaysuhdiller · 2 pointsr/stopdrinking

I too was raised Catholic and ended up just confused about what to believe in (my mindset: maybe there is a god, maybe there isn't, but fuck any religion that proclaims it's right and everyone else is wrong).

Luckily the person who introduced me to AA, who struggled with the God thing more than most people in the program and who still never recites the Lord's Prayer, let me borrow these 2 books from him from which he was able to draw up a higher power of his own understanding:
[Be Here Now] (http://www.amazon.com/Be-Here-Now-Ram-Dass/dp/0517543052), by Ram Dass and
[A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose] (http://www.amazon.com/New-Earth-Awakening-Purpose-Selection/dp/0452289963) by Eckhart Tolle.

They helped a lot when I was doing steps 2 and 3 and still do. I ended up ordering copies for myself because they were so good. I highly recommend checking em out (if only one, definitely Be Here Now) or searching around for more books to guide you along. It IS frustrating to try and figure it out on your own!

u/VioletLight1111 · 2 pointsr/toddlers

https://www.amazon.com/New-Earth-Awakening-Purpose-Selection/dp/0452289963/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?crid=129AO1ORS4ZJ0&amp;amp;keywords=eckhart+tolle+books&amp;amp;qid=1550328859&amp;amp;s=gateway&amp;amp;sprefix=eck&amp;amp;sr=8-3

Buy this book, rent this book from your library, listen to an audio version of this book, anything. Start healing from the inside and seeing the bigger picture. You will absolutely start seeing ego and anger in a whole new light.

u/alividlife · 2 pointsr/OpiatesRecovery

Yea, I just got home. I'm bored, mini rants incoming.

When I first heard of The Four Agreements, I was in detox back in 09 or something. And this tweaker chick kept going manic. She'd be happy/sad/angry/empty... just over and over. She was throwing chairs, and freaking out, but she kept telling me to read that book. So I had to, because she had excellent chair throwing skills. It was a great read, ... very very interesting take on spirituality but it is pretty applicable. It's a feel good philosophy warrior book thing.

The Power of Now. I had what AA would call a "spiritual awakening" and it really wasn't much like a burning bush, but A LOT like this guy talks about in this book. When I was about to kill myself with a teener of dope, I had this very very strange experience where I couldn't identify with myself anymore. .. "Who is this person that wants to die so badly?... Who am I?" It really changed things. The power of now was the most powerful thing I've read.

The New Earth is pretty interesting. I have to disagree with some points, because traditionally, you can't really get rid of the ego. The ego is necessary to survive. But it's interesting. It's worth a read, especially someone stuck in a facility with only their remorse and addiction to keep them company.

I personally LOVE Gabor Mate. This guy deals with the most tragic cases of addiction in Vancouver, and he's a neurologist and he has some pretty good insights on addiction. In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts. It's partly where I came up with my flair.

Rational Recovery was another I would suggest. It's a lot like those Allen Carr Easy Way to Quit Smoking. But the basic idea is disassociation from the "Addictive Voice". That it's not ME that wants to get high, but my addiction. That shit rocked my world when I learned it, and I immediately integrated it into my first step in Narcotics Anonymous.
EDIT, Rational Recovery, and Jack Trimpey are VERY AGAINST 12 step ideology. He HATES IT, and he hates the God idea. I get that, but I cannot and will not deny the therapeautic value of one addict helping another. Nothing compares. Even Bill W. in AA wrote about it in his memoirs and grapevines and the Big Book. "When all other measures failed, work with another alcoholic saved the day."

Tao de Ching really helped me. Although it may be missattributed, the whole "Living in the Past is living in depression, living in the future is living in anger and fear, living in the now is living in peace."

So, as you can see, I really like the "now" concept, but it's helped me stay clean and be happy about it. Non-fiction would probably be great too. But these are very spiritual new agey ideas.

This reminds me, I need to read The Spirituality of Imperfection.

THE MOST IMPORTANT BOOKS THOUGH:

I highly recommend the NA Basic Text, and I love the Step Working Guide.

u/Bizkitgto · 2 pointsr/financialindependence

Some things I have started to look at are:

  • creativity, I have ignored this part of my life for so long. Just start making stuff...r/artfundamentals and r/learnprogramming

  • exercise more, run, train for a marathon, lift weights (5x5), anything really to just get the blood flowing. Also, r/EOOD helps (exercise out of depression)

  • have you considered starting a small business?

    Start looking within yourself. Eckhartt Tolle had an awesome special on Oprah discussing these very issues you are bringing up - you can watch the series Eckhart Tolle - a New Earth, based in his book A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose .
u/Pandaemonium · 2 pointsr/Buddhism

&gt;and feel as though I'd be betraying my younger self.

One aspect of the problem seems to be that you're clinging to this experience as something that makes you "you". You are trying to permanently attach your personal identity to this experience, and right now it seems to you that denying that this experience was "real" is abandoning an essential part of your identity.

The Buddhist prescription would be to realize that your "self" does not exist, and the statement that "I had this experience" is meaningless because there is no "I" in the first place. Nothing is permanent, and the "I" that you would refer to is a constantly-changing being that never truly exists for longer than a moment at a time. As a result, trying to cling permanently to an experience will cause misery, because all experiences are impermanent.

You should try to understand that acknowledging this experience as an illusion won't make you any less "you", because you already aren't "you". By cutting your attachment from this experience, all you do is free yourself to enjoy the world right now for what it is right now, without worrying how it affects "you".

edit: I would very highly recommend Eckhart Tolle's book A New Earth. It's very enlightening and an easy read.

u/Iron_Man_9000 · 2 pointsr/AskMen

So, I looked over your posting history before making this list. It seems like you have a confident head on your shoulders and understand women reasonably well.

  1. You do mention masturbating to porn 3-4 times a day, which is on the high side. I don't have any particular resources for that, and you said you didn't see it as a problem or affecting you at the moment. In a relationship, I've found that high masturbation levels means that I'm not romancing my wife, and am less affectionate. This causes relationship stress. It also affects how much I enjoy sex, so if I masturbate less I enjoy sex more. For me porn is also an emotional crutch - because the pron mimics feelings of extreme sexual success, so there's often an emotional need that is being met (not just horniness) that you're fulfilling with porn. Some deep personal introspection and self reflection can help identify what is really going on inside of you. Just a thought. ;)
  2. What women want when they test men by Bruce Bryans. Hands down one of the best resource for identifying women's various tests, whether you're just dating or in a long term relationship.
  3. Sex God Method by Daniel Rose. Hands down the most useful book on sex ever. Reading it instills a cockiness in me that can't be matched by anything else... And drives my wife completely nuts in bed.
  4. Athol Kay's various resources. I like this six part video series where he breaks down 6 aspects of relationship.
  5. No More Mr. Nice Guy. I thought I didn't need this book and that I was doing well, and then I read it.
  6. Emotional Intelligence. Goleman is the seminal guy on this, and there are many other good books.
  7. Management Courses. No joke. I went through a simple cert via my local CC and it blew my mind.
  8. Charisma Courses. I've attached the link to the program I've tried, it worked pretty well, but a bit pricey. they have a good youtube channel... But the program actually forces you to practice the lessons so it's a lot more useful.

    Whatever catches your interest. :D
u/trashed_culture · 2 pointsr/DecidingToBeBetter

Another book for understanding how your words can mean more than what they sound like in your head is Emotional Intelligence by Dan Goleman. I read it at about your age and it changed my life.

I'd say that How to Win Friends... is more relevant for getting to know new people and generally how to be pleasant in everyday interactions. Emotional Intelligence gets at a more basic understanding about what it's like to communicate your needs and desires, especially with loved ones. I read the original book (https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-Matter-More-Than/dp/055338371X) which was more theory based compared to the newer books released about the same subject that tend to be more oriented towards business.

Also, regarding How to Win Friends... it's not really how to win friends, it's how to develop superficial familiarity with people. Don't use it as a guide to how to develop intimate friendships or people might eventually think you've prematurely turned into a middle aged businessman.

u/damien6 · 2 pointsr/RedditForGrownups

Being conscious of my feelings and aware of where I am emotionally. Having this awareness allows you to essentially act before being dragged into reacting, if that makes sense. I can choose to step away from this situation and calm down now, or I can wait until my anger is to the point that I am merely reacting. Just avoiding being angry isn't the solution. Anger is a valid and important emotion, it's how you handle the anger that's important.

You should check out a book by Daniel Goleman called Emotional Intelligence. Part 2 has an entire chapter (Passion's Slaves) dedicated to anger and rage that is very insightful. You can read a little bit of the chapter in the Amazon preview.

u/urquanmaster · 2 pointsr/Calgary

That's interesting, because a few of these ideas come out of Harvard. Daniel Goleman has done a lot of good work on leadership. If you want to improve your people skills, I'd recommend reading a bit of his work:

u/DronedAgain · 2 pointsr/AskMenOver30

Books:

Rules for Aging: A Wry and Witty Guide to Life by Roger Rosenblatt

The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck

How to Win Friends &amp; Influence People by Dale Carnegie

The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff

^^`

Articles:

Desiderata by Max Ehrmann

15 things Kurt Vonnegut said better than anyone else ever has or will (be sure to read the whole thing)

Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young by Mary Schmich (don't take the title wrong)

u/sharer_too · 2 pointsr/suggestmeabook

[The Road Less Traveled] (http://www.amazon.com/Road-Less-Traveled-Timeless-Edition/dp/0743243153) is great for this. Don't let the 'spiritual growth' part scare you away. - I'm an atheist and I learned a lot from it.

u/codear · 2 pointsr/TwoXChromosomes

There's been a lot of good responses here, lots of wise words to find in the noise. Your words right above show that you still love that man and you miss the old him so much.

If you truly want to restore (and strenghten!) your relationship, use this time wise - wiser than I did anyway: give him the support he needs, give him the space he requires, find some space for yourself and search for the ways to support him in his recovery. A few books i found 'eyes-opening' were Intimacy Factor and Road Less Traveled. It takes strength of two people to help your partner get back in solid shape, but when you succeed things will be really better than ever.

People up above mentioned he's depressed. That's quite likely. It also seems he's lost a lot of self-worth and self-confidence, he hates himself for what he's become, trying to scavenge anything that could help him feel any better just for a moment, but that's just making things worse. These two books have changed a lot in my approach to relationships and things are better than ever; at times i think it is exactly the thing we need more to be taught in school than particle physics or calculus. We are frequently very well educated in our profession while areas that matter more than all our professional lives are left behind - we're not compassionate and rarely emotionally intelligent.

Good luck. I have no doubt you can go through the tough time. Your words are all the proof I needed to see.

u/HerrBertling · 2 pointsr/confidence

No comments here? Wow. Reading the book right now and googled to see what/if Reddit has to say something on the book. I totally get what you're writing and feel the same about the book. Another one I really enjoyed concerning the whole topic was The Road Less Travelled by Scott Peck – so if you're interested, have a look :)

u/jackeroak · 2 pointsr/AMA

First off, you made a massive step just going for therapy. That takes courage even in itself. Have you tried different techniques, such as hand tapping or auditory tones? It may reduce the anxiety a little. Sometimes you will need to have therapy but not EMDR, like one week on one week off to let reprocessing occur. I upped mine from once a week to twice a week and that was hard so I imagine that going from once a week to once every two weeks may help with reprocessing.
Usually the therapist has a method of calming you down at the end of the session, mine showed me a 'healing light' meditation. Now this sounds like hippy bs but its just another form of relaxation meditation in which you visualise a healing light quenching your negative emotions and feelings.
I would speak to your therapist about using a calming technique towards the end of the sessions or if you become overwhelmed, if they haven't already.

Your sleep will improve and so will eating habits, trauma is difficult and can be complex. I found regular mindfulness meditation really helps with anxiety. There is a book based course which greatly reduced/reduces my anxiety if that helps too :)

u/ninjabird101 · 2 pointsr/Meditation

i used to meditate for about 10- 15 minutes a day 2 twice a day. I took about 3 or four months. I have no idea what Jhana is could tell me what it is? . I did mindfulness meditation i followed this particular programme

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-guide-finding frantic/dp/074995308X/ref=sr_1_1 ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1466273001&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=mindfulness


u/EarwormsRUs · 2 pointsr/Buddhism
u/eyeslikesaucers1 · 2 pointsr/BPD

Have you tried mindfulness meditation or prayer? I also struggle with this and i'm trying to get some sort of prayer or mindfulness meditation in everyday. The prayer is easy for me as i'm a Muslim. I recommend the following book for mindfulness:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-guide-finding-frantic/dp/074995308X

Edit: Oh and def bring it up with your psych. That is what they are there for.

u/bukka-j · 2 pointsr/Buddhism

Hey brother,

First; reading about your experience truly touched me. You seem like a good, honest guy and it makes me really sad to think of you suffering.

Secondly, you're not alone. My name is Joe, I'm 20 years old, from England (my brother is called Daniel too). At points over the last three years or so I've experienced some pretty serious anxiety too. I dropped out of school when I was 18 with no prospect of going to university and it was during the first few months that I began to feel very unwell mentally. It was almost exactly as you described - horrible unstoppable thoughts all the time, total alienation from my family and friends, I felt incapable, my digestion totally stopped working, I worried about my future constantly. Although I was never suicidal, at its worst I began to lose a sense of my own identity. Like you I was also at the point where therapy and professional help were the next option. The only reason I'm telling you this is that I saw quite a few similarities between us and I want you to know that, although I don't know you or your problems, there are lots more people coping with anxiety than you think, you're not alone.

You're gonna be OK. Mental illness is so confusing, but the fact that you've written here, the fact that you're searching for the answer, for the solution, is what's going to get you through this. Don't give up.

I beg you, please get this this book: "Mindfulness: A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world" by Mark Williams and Danny Penman.

It’s an 8-week course on Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, a technique developed by the authors to treat patients with schizophrenia, depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder using Buddism-inspired meditations. I still remember, after a week or so of following the course (20-30 minutes of meditation a day), the first time I finished one of the guided meditations and I could no longer hear my thoughts. It was a relief like none other I’ve ever felt and since that moment, whatever I have been doing and whatever mental state I've been in, meditation has always been the foundation of mental wellbeing to which I return. I credit this book - alongside some other lifestyle changes - to my recovery, and I have recommended it to everyone I know who so much as thinks the word ‘anxiety’. Through this book I learned the power of meditation and through meditation I have come to Buddhism, both now cornerstones of my life. Please, please get this book, read it, and do the course. After a few weeks of the guided meditations, you may start to see some improvement. Even if it’s only enough to encourage you and help you persevere, it’s worth it.

As for your question about medication; my best friend became depressive just over a year ago, and he committed suicide in March 2017. His illness was far worse than what I had gone through and he had been hospitalised and was severely delusional. In that instance, medication was definitely the right way to go and although the pills affected his personality a bit, he was transformed from being unrecognisable and delusional to being slightly subdued. He stopped taking his medication for some weeks before he died and this allowed his illness to return stronger than before. In serious psychosis or anything approaching it, don’t take any risks, seek professional help and follow the doctor’s instructions.

However, when I was unwell medication was not the right way. I was also wary of professional help so I quit my job, stopped studying to retake my exams so I could focus on getting better. I started going for a walk with my Mum every night and told her everything about my drug use and how I was feeling mentally, which helped so much. I spent more time doing things I liked, like making music and cooking. Exercise, sleep, healthy food, social contact will all help. 18-20 is a common age for mental illness, but don’t let it tie you down, think about all the stuff that’s important to you and start living for it, even if your brain is pulling in other directions. You will find your way through this Daniel, I think your intuition has served you well if you’re looking into meditation. Get the book (please).

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-guide-finding-frantic/dp/074995308X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1506362269&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=mindfulness+a+practical+guide+to+finding+peace+in+a+frantic+world

I’ll stop here anyway.
Much love and keep going,
Joe

u/lunptr · 2 pointsr/Fitness

I got this book after seeing it recommended on this sub:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-guide-finding-frantic/dp/074995308X

The meditations are available freely:
http://franticworld.com/free-meditations-from-mindfulness/

Currently following the eight-week program myself; it's quite helpful so far. There are probably other resources on mindfulness, but this one seems highly regarded.

u/outsideaglass · 2 pointsr/entp

As a fellow panic-attack sufferer, I feel that pain. My anxiety is androphobia though, not general, but I imagine the solutions are similar. Medication to get you through the worst parts, then talk yourself out of your fear with logic. I suggest the book A Guide to Rational Living by Albert Ellis. Extremely helpful book.

Work out as much as you can with your condition, the hormones released from exercise can't be replaced any other way and are necessary for humans. Hence why people who don't exercise get depressed easier and become overweight, etc. Watch some TED talks on the subject. The healthier your body is, the healthier your mind will be.

Keep trying to find a therapist. Very little helps as much as good therapy, except useful medication. I can't even imagine how my life would be if I'd not had either of those at crucial junctures.

u/conservativecowboy · 2 pointsr/DeadBedrooms

OP,

Unfortunately until and unless your husband decides to stop drinking, nothing will improve.

  • Social drinkers don't hide their drinking.
  • Social drinkers don't drink until they blackout.
  • Social drinkers don't repeatedly binge drink.
  • Social drinkers don't promise to stop drinking until they drink again.
  • Social drinker's alcohol intake doesn't cause problems at home.
  • Social drinker's can't NOT stop drinking

    Despite what some are saying on this board, your husband is an alcoholic. He has no control when alcohol is involved.

    I have lived your life. There was a mental illness component in there as well with my SO, but I absolutely understand the hidden drinking. The lies about stopping. The promises to stop. The drunk driving. The no sex. I have been there and done that. He had every excuse in the book why there was no sex. I was picking on him with the drinking. I didn't dress up/down/sexy enough for him. He was tired. I just needed to do ... whatever.

    The problem wasn't me. The problem was him. And the primary issue was the alcohol. It was all-consuming. Everything else was a side-effect of the drinking.

    You need to make arrangements to get out. Yes, you love him with all your heart. And he loves his alcohol with all his heart. I know the pain and tears and threats and lost dreams and incredible pain. I have been there and lived it for six years. Al-Anon was suggested to me. I went once, but I'm not a believer and don't subscribe to the give your life to a higher power, so it wasn't for me. Not to say it's bad, just wasn't for me. I got more out of REBT.

    I'm sorry you are dealing with this. You may not be ready to hear this and you may choose to react to this post with incredible anger. Again, I've been there. it took me six years before I finally said enough.

    Hugs. It was an incredibly difficult time.



u/zxcvcxz · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

Probably because you've been conditioned to think in an ineffective manner.

If you really have a problem with feeling unhappy, check out one or both of these books. They might be the best money you ever spend.

Make yourself Happy and Remarkably less Disturbable by Albert Ellis

Guide to Rational Living by Albert Ellis

I have to warn you though, Dr. Ellis lays it out without a lot of hand-wrining. He's compassionate, but to the point.

u/porphyry3 · 2 pointsr/ihaveissues

Beginner/Self-help level:
A New Guide to Rational Living

Therapist/Clinical level: Reason and Emotion in Psychotherapy

u/dnicky · 2 pointsr/socialanxiety

It stopped a couple years ago when I really confronted my social anxiety and corresponding lethargy/apathy/depression. I got a book on Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy by Albert Ellis (link) and studied it closely. It's kinda dated, but it really helped me.

I also began to figure out what career I wanted, and worked very hard towards it. This gave me a feeling of worth independent of my social/romantic life. I cared less what people thought of me because I knew I was going to achieve what I wanted regardless.

I still deal with a lot of social anxiety and anxiety in general, but I got over the very worst of it then.

u/tudortimes · 2 pointsr/AdviceAnimals

she won't do it, you need to get out of that situation. I had a boyfriend threaten me with suicide if I didn't come over and visit him. I called the police to check on him. He was very cross with me, but no way was he actually going to kill himself. It's her beliefs about herself and the world that make her upset... check this author out....http://www.amazon.co.uk/Guide-Rational-Living-Melvin-Powers/dp/0879800429/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1452195746&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=albert+ellis

u/theclapp · 2 pointsr/TMBR

Many people here seem to take your assertion in the context of logic, and I think your example made it clear that that's not the right context.

Ellis and Harper expand in your idea in A Guide to Rational Living. I think you might enjoy it (if you haven't already read it :).

u/gargolito · 2 pointsr/skeptic

I too had seen several shitty therapists, only one or two had any brains or critical thinking skills but where religious which is big no-no for me.

Lucky for me, an acquaintance recommended this book: A Guide To Rational Living which introduced me to REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy). After reading the book I looked up REBT and found one therapist nearby who I've been seeing for over a year and I am now in maintenance mode where I only have monthly sessions.

Albert Ellis developed this form of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and he was an atheist, I think that it is evident in REBT. There are REBT therapists all over the country, the Albert Ellis institute website Ellis wrote some books with unfortunate feel good titles, but full of good techniques.

Hopefully, there's an REBT therapist in your area.

Good luck

u/SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2 pointsr/depression

Optimists may seem unrealistic to someone in the pits of depression, but there have been studies that have showed that optimists are far more successful and effective.

You can choose how to see things. When I react to something, my mind goes right to the negative. Let's say my boss criticizes me. My mind goes right to: I'm going to lose my job... I'm going to be homeless... I never get anything right... etc. This is assuming a lot of things that might not be anywhere near the reality of a situation.

An optimist might choose to see the criticism as a good thing - a chance to grow and learn - and not extrapolate to predicting doom. This is a far more productive course.

You can do "all the right things" on paper, but that is no guarantee of happiness for many reasons.

u/skeeterbitten · 2 pointsr/AskReddit

Botany of Desire. The title turned me off, but it's actually really interesting and my whole family has read and enjoyed it.

Nothing to Envy: Ordinary lives in North Korea Serious stuff, but so fascinating.

Stumbling on Happiness. Fun read on human nature and happiness.

u/PorgiAmor · 2 pointsr/Incels

&gt; Oh yeah, a rich soccer mom really struggles in life compared to a homeless man... what a load of shit, clearly some people have a worse live than others.

I'm certainly not denying that some people have better life circumstances than others. However, depression and hopelessness are by no means confined to people with crappy life circumstances. People can be happy even in bad times; happiness is actually at least partially a choice and a cultivated skill.

A rich soccer mom can still feel depressed and hopeless. These feelings are subjective.

&gt;Incels have it far worse than normies that a fact.

Subjectively, yes, but not objectively. I'm not denying you FEEL isolated and depressed. But consider that the incels on here by and large have pretty wonderful life circumstances compared to a good chunk of the current world's population. Impoverished beggars, ditch diggers, and female sex slaves in the third world have it way rougher than the incels, if you want to compare miserable life circumstances. All of those girls kidnapped by Boko Haram would probably give an arm to trade places with a lot of the incels on here.

u/RonniePudding · 2 pointsr/stopdrinking

There's a great book called "Stumbling on Happiness" that describes well this problem with human brains. Even non-alcoholics have this problem. For example, people buy more Girl Scout cookies on-the-spot than through mail order, because your "future self" is on a diet, but your present self is not.

Stumbling on Happiness

u/madfrogurt · 2 pointsr/books

Stumbling on Happiness is a remarkable book that mirrors Predictably Irrational in a lot of ways. Can't recommend it enough.

u/AFreshThrowaway · 2 pointsr/askgaybros

My post is based off of my own personal experience, as well as research in my field. If you're interested in the research I had in mind, here's a great book by the researcher himself (no bridge sales involved) that anyone can read, or you can read the wikipedia write-up on some of his studies.

Personally, I like to take on more work at my job as well as exercise when I'm down. Video games can get my mind off of things, but I try not to get too engrossed in them.

u/Amnestea · 2 pointsr/getdisciplined

It sounds like you've been through some tough times. The beauty of life is you always have an opportunity to forge your own path. As cliche as it may be, after every storm there is a rainbow. This is your opportunity. Here is my road map for you:

  1. The first thing you must do is talk to a psychologist. It is possible you have depression or underlying mental illness. They can give you techniques to combat that. Even if you do not have a mental illness, the techniques they can teach you, with Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, sound like they would be useful for you.

  2. You need to make a schedule and, this is the hard part, follow it as well as you can. Find a diary or make an excel spreadsheet and fill your day with activities. Examples would be: 8am wake up, 9-10am go for a walk, 10-11am write resume, 11-12pm tidy house, 12-1pm lunch, 1-2pm reading, 2-3pm exercise, 3-4pm search for jobs, 4-5pm do online university course homework, 5-6pm free time, 6-7pm dinner, 7pm-9pm free time, 10pm go to sleep. Basically, fill it with tasks you think you can accomplish that are not so challenging that you are put off doing them. Even if you miss one or two scheduled activities, you will still be moving forward in the right direction.

  3. There are some books you can read that may be of benefit/interest:

u/AnomalousVisions · 2 pointsr/philosophy

I second the recommendations for meditation and cognitive behavioral therapy. For a good how-to book on meditation I highly recommend this book by Eric Harrison. Martin Seligman's Learned Optimism will teach you how to perform cognitive behavioral therapy on yourself without having to pay a therapist $200 an hour.

Also, don't underestimate the value of ritual. In my (admittedly controversial) view, much of the occult/mystical/hermitical/magical wisdom out there ultimately boils down to a collection of rituals and techniques to focus your mind and continually re-orient yourself toward what actually matters to you. Typically they involve intricate ways of rebooting the nervous system so that the practitioner returns to ordinary life refocused on their "true will" and free from some of the inertia we all gather during the strains and distractions of daily life. Phil Hine's Condensed Chaos makes a fascinating philosophical and practical introduction to this approach.

u/anoxor · 2 pointsr/SleepApnea

Wedge pillow may help. A makeshift one did for me.

Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1400078393

This may also help. It's by one of the top researchers in the field. I also finished a PhD, and this could put put under helpful soft skills

u/sooneday · 2 pointsr/NoStupidQuestions

You might always struggle with depression, but it will be gone some of the time. I was depressed for over a decade, but it's been mostly gone for about a year. Therapy helped a lot and so did a book I read called "learned optimism". http://www.amazon.com/Learned-Optimism-Change-Your-Mind/dp/1400078393/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1420999672&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=learned+optimism

Exercise helps a lot. Since you're in high school, play a team sport if you aren't already.

u/macarthy · 2 pointsr/depression

I have felt like this over the years. But you do have to work at happy. Its harder for us than others, but even those with a better balance of chemicals in their brains, work at it.

Have a read of Learned Optimism, or something similar to understand it better.
http://www.amazon.com/Learned-Optimism-Change-Your-Mind/dp/1400078393

u/JohnnyBsGirl · 2 pointsr/Buddhism

I just finished The Buddha's Brain, which my therapist suggested and I really enjoyed. Now I am working on The Heart of the Buddha's Teachings. The writing itself is clear and concise, which is helpful for someone who is just beginning to explore these ideas. The ideas themselves, though, are extremely challenging. Thich Nhat Hanh says at one point that "Rightness or wrongness is not objective. It is subjective....[A]ll views are wrong views. No view can ever be the truth. That is why it is called a "point of view." If we go to another point, we will see things differently and realize that our first view was not entirely right," (56).

As someone who has p'shawed moral relativism my whole whole life as a form of wishy-washiness and as a back door for allowing immoral behavior, I spent a lot of time thinking about this last night. I have established that I have an attachment to this idea, but I don't know that I have come to the conclusion that it is wrong, per se. Interesting stuff.

Edit: Grammar/formatting.

u/rerb · 2 pointsr/Buddhism

Sounds like you'd like Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom. Available for tasting in Buddhist Geeks podcasts with the author: A Crash Course in Applied Neurodharma.

u/deepsouthscoundrel · 2 pointsr/AskMen

That made me really happy. I'm glad I could help.

This book really helped me learn how to recognize and dismantle my negative emotions. I finished reading it and gave it to my dad on his 1-year anniversary of sobriety. It might help you as well.

u/awkwardelefant · 2 pointsr/TrollXChromosomes

I know that feeling so exactly, it's hard not to get emotional just knowing and reading that other people are there now. I have a bit of constant anxiety at the moment because things have been going so well for me for what I think is quite a long time, and I'm just waiting for that smack in the face. But then I breathe and remember to live day by day, be in the moment, enjoy the moment. It'll happen, I'll get into a slump. But we'll all make it out. I know for some people (me), the longer the slump goes on, the harder it is to deal with every day. I just hope that during those super struggles, you find an outlet of some sort. A friend, a doughnut, gas money to drive to a nice place for a day, just something to remind yourself that this is not the end. This is never the end.

For me, I just looked for (and usually received) little reminders. When it didn't happen on its own, I'd usually bust out some Buddhist related book because it's just SO accurate about how life works. My favorite lately is Buddha's Brain: The practical neuroscience of happiness, love &amp; wisdom -- because I'm incredibly logic oriented and need science and "facts" to help me understand the most. Getting a neuroscience view on how happiness works and realizing it's not just this magic thing you can't count on, it helped me really practice making happiness a choice, no matter my circumstance. And then there's the whole wave mechanics that I depend on to get me through, too.

Just remember that you are loved, appreciated, and there god damned will be an upswing.

u/ExplicitInformant · 2 pointsr/getdisciplined

While I don't have any suggestions for specific rewards (I am in the same bind as you), I have a suggestion for the method of reward. (Disclaimer: This is not originally my idea - see the last paragraph if you want more information.)

Instead of picking a specific reward for a specific action, make it a game. Uncertain rewards are more rewarding, so the idea is to make the reward process a bit of a fun gamble. First, set up a rewards jar containing...

  • 60%-65% motivational quotes/notes (i.e., non-rewards, but a bit more motivating than "please try again")
  • 20-25% small rewards (something you can afford 5-7 times a week - e.g., going to Starbucks one morning, taking half the day off guilt free, etc.)
  • 2-4% moderate rewards (around $20-$25 depending on income - e.g., a day off without worrying about school, getting a cheap book or toy, going out to a nice, non fast-food restaurant, etc.)
  • 1% or so large rewards (a new TV, gaming system, expensive new game, etc).

    You can do this gradually (e.g., to start, every small-moderate reward you think of, throw in two non-rewards. Once you have a decent number of these slips, throw in your larger rewards, trying to generally keep to the above breakdown).


    Next, set up a point system. If you earn 1000 points, you can draw from your rewards jar. You earn points by completing activities that might not be inherently rewarding in the moment (e.g., boring homework, flossing), but that you would like to be able to complete.

  • The more difficult the activity, the more points. Note: I mean difficult for you, including boring, anxiety-provoking, etc. If you have a huge paper you want to start early but it makes you sick to think about it, perhaps you earn 500pts or even a full 1000pts for just sitting down and doing 45 minutes of work. Similarly, if it is really easy, you earn fewer points.
  • To further make it a game, you can set up challenges. For instance, if you have a scary/large paper to write, make an outline for the paper. The challenge: each line starts with a new letter of the alphabet, from A to Z. You have an hour (or an hour and a half). If you succeed, 1500 pts! This can make difficult tasks even more of a game, and at the end, you have an outline you can revise vs. a blank page.
  • If you are trying to establish habits (e.g., exercise MWF), award yourself points for each successful day (say, 250pts - more or less depending on how challenging it is to make yourself exercise). If you do all of the planned days (here, M, W, and F), you get a bonus (say, 300pts).

    On the whole, if you're moderately productive, you'll be able to draw from your rewards jar a few times a week.


    This gets around a couple of problems I've personally encountered in rewarding myself: (1) Picking a reward: It has to be something you want now, otherwise it won't be rewarding. (2) Once you identified what you want NOW, it is hard to then do something else just to earn it (particularly if you tend to give in to those desires). Instead, this allows you to earn the chance to play a fun game that isn't rewarding to just play without earning the chance. (At least, I can't imagine just sitting and drawing reward slips without earning points - that would be kinda boring!) You also are being rewarded for gradual work, instead of the same rewards for tasks that change a lot in type and difficulty.

    Source: I can't take credit for this idea! I got this from a very informative and useful interview with a graduate student who used this reward system to combat procrastination (found here). She based this on research cited in The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal. (Specifically, studies have found that more addicts will stay clean for the chance to win an uncertain monetary reward than for a steady, predetermined payment, even though they get, on average, less money through the uncertain rewards).
u/vascopyjama88 · 2 pointsr/IWantToLearn

I'll be the second person to recommend the following book: http://www.amazon.com/The-Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Matters/dp/1583334386[1]

It has all you need to know. Read it slowly, surely, and follow the clear, practical advice.

u/wotsthestory · 2 pointsr/NoFap

Welcome aboard! We'll keep an eye on that badge Mr Fiddler and keep you accountable! Remember to take it one day at a time - every time you resist is a small victory, as you increase your self control incrementally.

Couple of tips: Take up some other rewarding activities, hobbies, increase your socialising, etc. This will reduce the craving for that one intense reward. Start a daily exercise routine (even if it's just a daily walk at the beach or park), reduce your technology use, and make sure you never give yourself the chance to be bored.

Meditation is an extremely powerful technique for mastering your thoughts and emotions and increasing self-control. Even starting with 5-10 minutes a day will make a difference - but be committed, it has a cumulative effect.

Finally, a great book on self-control based on the latest psych research:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Matters/dp/1583334386

All the best!

u/vraiment_cute · 2 pointsr/getdisciplined

I just finished reading a book called The Willpower Instinct and one thing that stuck out to me is that we always have two sides to us that are constantly struggling with each other - first is the immediate gratification. The other is the strong-willed one who wants to reach their goals.

Every time you are about to go on reddit or play video games, think to yourself "does this action align with my end goal?" I had a problem with always drinking soda, but my end goal was to consume less sugar. So instead of drinking a Coke and thinking "ahh, it's just a treat - it doesn't count", I'd look at it and think "drinking this doesn't align with my end goal."

Thinking about things and how they relate to my goals helped me stop procrastinating. I really recommend you read that book. I finished it in 2 or 3 days.

u/sweDany · 2 pointsr/GetMotivated

Now that you found this piece of self-revelation don't you dare let it go. Imprint it in your memory (Dat Feel)! Find out what you REALLY want and go for it! No. Excuses. Never give up. Remember that failure and rejection are only the first steps to succeeding! And if you do feel like getting some motivation, /u/X_Cody is quite right on limiting your search for motivation. Let it be Inspiration, don't let it become Procrastination.

Keep it up, keep it real and don't you dare give up! Take the small steps so that you can become the great individual you know deep down inside who you can become!

If you feel that you have a hard time to discipline yourself I'd recommend taking a look at the Willpower instinct by Kelly McGonigal

u/iamSIMR · 2 pointsr/IWantToLearn

Check out The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal -- Amazon Link -- 56 reviews averaging 5/5 stars (EDIT: I rounded, its 4.8/5 stars... still impressive). Pretty good right?

I'm honestly a pretty big skeptic when it comes to self-help books but she attacks the entire process scientifically and allows you to take the changes one step at a time. It's at the very least an interesting read. It should help you put together some steps to attack your lack of willpower though. You can't get anywhere without a plan and sometimes simply figuring out the steps to that plan is more difficult than executing it.

Just getting up and doing it doesn't help me everyday. It helps some days but not all. Check out the book or at least figure out your long term goals and the steps you'll need to take to achieve them and then live your day accordingly.

A philosophy I live by (started recently and if someone has said this before, I apologize for making it seem like my own... but if no one has - then it's mine :) haha) -- Live today as a better person than yesterday and I don't mean the person you were a week ago, or a year ago... I mean literally yesterday. Be better than that guy (or girl). If you fail at it today, it's okay. It'll make tomorrow that much easier but just continue to be better than yesterday.

K my two cents.

u/Blittster · 2 pointsr/NoFap

The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D. It's an amazing book that I heard about on /NoFap a few months ago. Great reviews on Amazon. It definitely gave me hope for a stronger mindset.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1583334386

u/DaleStrumpell · 2 pointsr/truegaming

You raise good points. Check out this book, might be a new and helpful perspective: The Willpower Instinct

u/E-X-I · 2 pointsr/stopsmoking

&gt; why wait?

Why wait, indeed! Good for you.

I've been reading The Willpower Instinct, and I know it sounds cheesy to turn to self-help books, but it's made quitting this time around a breeze. Granted, it's only been one day since I 'officially' quit, but the book made working my way down from half a pack to half a cigarette a day pretty simple.

A few great tips from the book:

  • Apply the 10 minute rule. When a strong craving comes on, tell yourself, "ok, but in 10 minutes." Then at the end of those 10 minutes, do it again.
  • Write down all the reasons you quit, then, just before a craving is scheduled to hit (like before your drive to work, or whatever triggers you), look at it the list and tell yourselves you'll have all those things (good health, better skin, easier time breathing, etc), or you could have a cigarette. Generally, your brain will side with whatever reward you promised it first. I usually chew Nicorette at the same time - just before the craving is due.
  • Don't think about what you deserve (ie: I've worked hard, I deserve a cigarette). Instead think of what you want (I don't want breathing to be a labor).

    Anyways, here's the book. I'd recommend listening to it on tape, CD, Audible, or whatever while you're in the car, if car smoking is one of your triggers.
u/z939665831 · 2 pointsr/NoFap

&gt;I'm expecting this to be ignored, because people DON'T want to hear this. But I'm hoping, deep down, that this issue will be addressed, because this problem is VERY REAL, and it's happening to me RIGHT NOW.

C'mon dude, I think you gotta accredit more to this sub :P

There is all sorts of inconvenient information upvoted on this subreddit that people don't wanna hear deep down. How about the very fact that we are all PMO addicts? That's a pretty unpleasant truth if you ask me.

But regarding your very problem:

Look, sometimes it's perfectly fine to not feel any motivation to do anything. If you say you are a few days in, what do you think it is you are experiencing right now? It might be very well the flatline. The first indicator that you are distancing yourself from hypercharged material that corrupts your reward system. Sex/Porn spike your dopamine the most from any activity out there. Once you abstain long enough, you will find new hidden pleasure and motivation behind the seemingly mundane and tedious tasks. You will find new passion for life, you can be DEAD SURE about that!! Just keep moving forward.

It is very commendable if you still manage to pick yourself up and push through, but it is important to not beat yourself up too much. When you are trying to build a new life, you should not pick up too many new goals and habits. Because at first you will rely on nothing more other than willpower until you have repeated those actions often enough to build a new habit. It is only then that it does not require any more thought and effort. The thing is that willpower is a limited resource; a well that runs dry at a certain point of continuously forcing yourself to get stuff done.

You feel like crap? Then rest and take a nap or something. Do something relaxing for a limited amount of time. Incorporate a conscious break within your daily routine in which you allow yourself to absolutely nothing for a change. Now that does not include or mean that you should cultivate other easily identifiable dopamine addictions like surfing the net for countless hours, using websites with endless scrolling and novelty mechanisms or video games. Forbid yourself to use the computer in those times if you must and just lay on your bed like a corpse. Use the time to think and to reflect, not to fantasize about a better or easier life.

&gt;.. but I still feel very inefficient - in complete contrast to my usual self.

Instead of beating yourself up and comparing yourself ( even if it is your own self you compare yourself against ), take the positive view point (there is always one, no matter what). Instead of saying your are inefficient in contrast to your former self see it like this: You are back, somewhere at the start of the journey and you are forcing yourself to make the best out of it. Tell yourself: You are currently doing the best you can. You are working to the best of your own capabilities in the PRESENT TIME. Forget about past and future, because all that counts is the present moment and your current self.

You wanna hear an anecdote from my own life? When I first started out this self-improvement journey back in 2015 I was doing nothing more in my life other than: waking up - wasting some time - hitting the gym - wasting some more time and going to bed. Rinse and repeat. I felt so DEAD, as you put it yourself, once I got back home from the gym. It was that period at the start of my new habit that required an immense amount of willpower and pushing myself to get going. I remember this one image very vividly lying on my bed, trying to read a couple of pages in my new e-book, I barely managed to read something between five to ten pages, because I was just not used to reading regularly. Sounds very unspectacular on paper and summed up like that, of course there were more thing going on surrounding that, but the very core was that. I had that one goal I set for myself and I went after it with no excuses, nothing fancy.

Looking back I would not say that any minute of that year was wasted, even though I had so little going on for myself. A precious year of the prime of my youth in my early 20s. Who cares? I don't regret it one bit, because I know that even though I took very small steps, I lay the foundation for something greater. Sacrificing a year for it it close to nothing.

But YOU!!! Who are YOU trying to impress? Who is the judge of you? It is about time to realize that there is NONE! You mustn't, you must NOT compare yourself to anybody or anything other than your present self. Ask yourself genuinely: Can I do better than this? Or am I scratching the borders of everything that possible. Give yourself a break sometime.

I often like to imagine that I am under IMMENSE time pressure. Sometimes, I feel like the world is going to end in a couple of days, and its very existence depends on me getting work done within an abstract, inconceivable and unknown timeframe. I fear not only that but also about my fading youth and death. Maybe some of these thoughts occurred to you as well!

Those fears and thoughts are just as much nonsensical. Dude, you got your whole life ahead of you. If make sure of ONE thing, then make sure that you go one small step in the right direction, no matter what. This entire essay is in no way an easy excuse for someone to postpone his duties until the day after tomorrow. Neither do I try to say that you can go on happily fapping because you still got every opportunity to start over another time. NO!! Every relapse equals to three steps in the opposite, and thus wrong direction of your life goals. Keep that in mind.


u/breauxstradamus · 2 pointsr/minimalism

Just had to name drop this book. It helped me a lot, and it has a lot of the same advice /u/peevsy just mentioned, plus some useful breathing techniques. Also good explanations on why human tendency is to give in, vs. be resilient, and why some people have more willpower.

u/cata_tonic · 2 pointsr/loseit

Well, there's the whole building willpower, building discipline versus willpower, CBT techniques of surfing the urge. All very useful. But, on the whole, the core tenet of Stoicism, to me, is: if you can't change what's happening to you, you can only try to control how you react.

It's reacting with emotional eating healthy and helpful? No? Then don't. That's where the building willpower and discipline come in, but for me, I had to have an initial motivation. I can't control my customers or my kids or my cats, but I don't need to make unhealthy choices because of that.

You can't make another person give you the interaction you need, but you can try to come to terms with it without damaging yourself. I found a book called The Willpower Instinct very relevatory in regards to understanding my emotional reactions.

u/Agrona · 2 pointsr/Christianity

Oh my God War this is my whole life. I have no idea. Habits are super hard. I mean, for God's sake I'm in my thirties and I don't brush my teeth regularly; I'm a mess.

I said Morning Prayer today for probably the third time this month.

One book that many said helped (I should re-read it...) was McGonigal's Willpower Instinct.

u/Dihexa_Throwaway · 2 pointsr/TheMindIlluminated

I don't have a device to measure HRV, but studies point out that if you slow down the number of breaths per minute, you increase HRV. Higher HRV is also linked to more willpower, according to Kelly McGonigal in her book:


https://www.amazon.com.br/Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Works-Matters/dp/1583335080


This post summarizes her point:


&gt; Pause-and-plan gives you a few precious moments to bring your higher brain back on line and increase your heart rate variability. Not just lowering your heart rate/blood pressure and returning to a calmer baseline, but increasing your heart rate variability -the capacity of the heart to respond to changes in input from the body in a flexible way. Higher HRV allows people to better ignore distractions, delay gratification, persevere with difficult tasks, tolerate critical feedback and resist temptation. Psychologists consider heart rate variability a key predictor of willpower.

&gt; One technique to apply the pause-and-plan response and improve your heart rate variability is to slow down you breathing to four to six breaths per minute. Ten to fifteen seconds per breath rather than the normal ten breaths per minute (or much faster when we’re stressed). One or two minutes of breathing at this slower pace can shift the body and brain from a state of stress to a mode of self-control with more capacity to handle cravings and challenges to our willpower. (One study found that a daily 20 minute practice of slowed breathing increased heart rate variability and thus willpower reserves among adults recovering from substance abuse and post-traumatic stress disorder.) There are even apps such as Breath Pace to help you slow down your breathing.

&gt; https://lindagraham-mft.net/strengthening-willpower-a-key-step-in-strengthening-resilience/


There's also this video:


Improve Willpower in 5 Mins | How Heart Rate Variability helps Brain Functio


So, it seems to me that, perhaps, slowing down the frequency of your breaths might be a good pre-meditation practice.

u/RollingMarble · 2 pointsr/Discipline

I would suggest to start here. This book along with meditation helped me get my act together. I went from a C student to an A student. Chunky to fit.

u/NTTYGRD77 · 2 pointsr/everymanshouldknow



If broscience tips don't tend to work for you, check out Kelly McGonigal, PHD. This lady's job is researching willpower, she teaches a class about willpower at Stanford and is incredibly knowledgeable.

Her TedTalk Link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_fQvcBCNbA

I am currently reading her book The Willpower Instinct. Only halfway through and it has made me stick to positive behaviors and avoid negative ones better than I could have imagined. Check it out on amazon http://www.amazon.com/The-Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Matters/dp/1583335080 I've read other books about forming habits and using carrots and sticks and for me this has been 10X more effective.

u/fuck_gawker · 2 pointsr/pornfree

If I may, maybe go by a bookstore and browse through this: http://www.amazon.com/The-Willpower-Instinct-Self-Control-Matters/dp/1583335080

Strike that. Don't browse, go right to Chapter Five, "The Brain's Big Lie: Why We Mistake Wanting For Happiness" and read about the rats.

I'm on my second read of the book, taking notes and doing the exercises, and I gotta tell you the truth, by chapter five I am feeling liberated from this addiction.

Just a suggestion. Until after you at least take a look at the book, don't get rid of the collection, but also don't add to it. And here's something to trigger your reward system to motivate you to read that chapter: The author looks pretty good in yoga pants herself.

Be well my friend.

u/roman715 · 2 pointsr/NoFap

OP, did you mean The Willpower Instinct?

u/pm_me_your_kindwords · 2 pointsr/self

I've just started reading "The Happiness Trap", and it addresses just what you're talking about. Amazon link. They suggest (based on research) that it is how you (we) look at life and react to it.

u/bijaji · 2 pointsr/fringefashion

I have found Acceptance and Commitment Therapy incredibly helpful (for many things, but especially this). Most health insurance covers counseling, which is appropriate for anyone who feels their life isn't working for them and wants to make changes. If you'd prefer the self-help route, here are some books: basic intro, anxiety-specific, and self-confidence specific.

u/lauvan26 · 2 pointsr/Anxiety

Well, I'm currently struggling with GAD right now but a few years ago I was able to manage my anxiety and end my depressive episode with therapy, daily exercise, 9 hours of sleep a night, healthy diet and meditation. I noticed that major life changes are usual triggers for worsening my GAD (change=fear=anxiety). Also, if I don't get enough sleep my anxiety gets worse (and depression slowly creeps in) and I actually become physically ill. Two weeks ago I was in the hospital for dehydration because of gastrointestinal issues. I'm pretty sure that it was cause from getting only 3-6 hours of sleep a night for months/anxiety.

Therapy and meditation helped me a lot with dealing with past mistakes. It was great to have someone listening to me talk about my issues (prior to that I didn't have anyone who understood), it helped me to develop more insight about myself, it helped me notice negative thought patterns I had and how I made myself into "victim".

I realized that I am human and therefore I will make mistakes and it's okay. Whatever happened has already happened and there's nothing I can do to change it so it doesn't make any sense to ruminate on it. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) was great to help me notice and change my negative thoughts.

Here a link about what is CBT: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Cognitive-behavioural-therapy/Pages/Introduction.aspx

And here is a link for CBT worksheets. If you don't have access to a therapist or a therapist trained in CBT you can still get the benefits of CBT by doing CBT worksheet to help you realized how distorted your thoughts are: http://psychology.tools/anxiety.html

My old therapist also had me read "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy"
https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy-ebook/dp/B009UW5X4C?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;keywords=david%20burns&amp;amp;qid=1465227795&amp;amp;ref_=sr_1_1&amp;amp;s=books&amp;amp;sr=1-1

After I did CBT, my other therapist introduced me to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) helped me realize that thoughts are just thoughts. You are not your thoughts. Thoughts don't necessarily reflect reality. Even the good ones can be harmful if we are too attached to them. The best thing to is to not fuse with thoughts and feelings. Notice your thoughts but don't get attached to them (don't suppress them either). Notice your anxiety and notice where it manifest in your body (fast heart rate, headache, nausea, etc.). Give the physical sensations/emotions space but don't allow it to consume you. Always go back to awareness (this is where meditation is very useful). Procrastination/avoiding things that make you anxious will only cause more suffering and pain in the long run. You'll stay stuck.

The ACT method will not always make you feel better. That's not the point. It's about getting through the pain in order to have a more meaningful instead instead of hiding in bed. In addition, ACT puts a lot of emphasis on living life through your "values". If you live life through your values and commit to action, it doesn't matter what the outcome is because at least you are trying. You wont' feel like too much of a failure because you're working on life skills. You'll win no matter what.

Here is a pdf about more information about ACT: http://www.people.ku.edu/~tkrieshok/epsy888/act_cliff_notes.pdf

Russ Harris's book "The Happiness Trap" goes into more detail: http://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

The ironic thing about my GAD is that I have a lot of knowledge and I know what I need to do to get better, but I keep falling into my mind's traps. I don't talk to myself abusively like I used to (i.e. telling myself "I'm an idiot", "I'm ugly", etc.) and I'm not worried so much about things I have no control over (i.e. losing sleep over worrying about all the starving children in world, worrying about the state of the economy, etc.) But I still get caught with old thoughts, stories and feelings . They don't manifest like they used to. It's more hidden, more implicit. For example, I wake up in morning and I don't want to work. In the past, the thoughts that would filled my mind would be "I'm horrible at my job", "I'm going to get fired anyway" "Everyone is better than me" "I'm worthless". My heart would race and I would have a panic attack. Now, instead of thoughts I just have a feeling of mild dread/uncomfortable feelings, my stomach will start to hurt. I get a headache and my heart starts to race. Then I'll rationalize that I need to stay home because I don't feel well. Then I tell myself that tomorrow I will do everything I need to do. But I never do....thus begins the vicious cycle that is anxiety.

Anxiety is brilliant at disguising itself once you get past a certain point psychologically. It's incredibly deceptive and amazing at the same time. If we can just see anxiety for what is: a maladaptation of the fight-or-flight mode in situations that are not necessarily dangerous, we'll be okay.


Sorry for the long post.

u/My_Feet_Itch · 2 pointsr/SaltLakeCity

As a diagnosed OCD sufferer who has learned over five years to "tune it out," let me provide you with some resources to help while you're locating a therapist. I'd recommend mine, but he's in Orem.

This book brought me a great deal of relief, and I review it off and on when I need a refresher in managing my OCD. It covers most of the major themes people experience: https://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Workbook-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsions/dp/1608828786/ref=sr_1_3?crid=2FJ9LNLQMV2IT&amp;keywords=ocd+mindfulness+workbook&amp;qid=1564633924&amp;s=gateway&amp;sprefix=OCD+mindfulne%2Caps%2C190&amp;sr=8-3

&amp;#x200B;

For general depression, I recommend this. I'm not being hyperbolic when I say that it saved my life: https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?keywords=the+happiness+trap&amp;qid=1564633982&amp;s=gateway&amp;sr=8-1-spons&amp;psc=1&amp;spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEyWEVXMFNMWVFMWVZFJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwNzg4OTU0MTdNRFBBNTBaUzNNOCZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwNzE2MDU5M0c1ODdLTkxONUZaMyZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=

&amp;#x200B;

I have a few copies of each of these books, and if money is tight, I would be more than happy to give them to you, just shoot me a PM.

&amp;#x200B;

Hang in there! Easier said than done, I know, but in time, you'll learn to observe your thoughts and ride that wave!

u/Dan_the_coach · 2 pointsr/NMMNG

The happiness trap by Dr Russ Harris, for letting go of trying to feel positive all the time - https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841

The 5oth Law by Robert Greene, for acquiring a bit decisiveness, ruthlessness and a thicker skin - https://www.amazon.com/50th-Law-Robert-Greene-Collection-ebook/dp/B002RI9ZQI/

And even some shameless self-promo - Nothing to Lose by me https://www.amazon.com/Nothing-Lose-Hesitation-Procrastination-Confidence-ebook/dp/B01MRMJJPU/

u/animatis · 2 pointsr/GetMotivated

Ah ok, well that makes sense I suppose. A comfort list.

Anyways, you seem to be a professional positive thinker dude.

Have you seen/read http://www.amazon.com/The-Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Living/dp/1590305841

I think its a very useful tool to use and it expands on the comments you make. The basic premise being to abandon all expectations for controlling happiness. Reccomend to check it out if you have not already.

u/_aspiringnomad · 2 pointsr/soylent

As someone who has suffered considerably from BED and who also is a big fan of Soylent, I'll try to answer your questions using my own experience.

First, let me tell you (and you probably know this) that restriction of any kind will make you want to binge eat. This is the biggest reason why dieting is counterproductive to eating disorder recovery. You've noticed this already yourself. I think consuming a mostly soylent diet will make you crave solid foods all the more.

I disagree with what other people are saying here when it comes to "getting hooked" on sweets and junk food once you get a taste. This phenomenon will only occur if these foods are 'bad' to you, and you're making a conscious effort to restrict them from your diet. Personally, I've made the most progress in my recovery once I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted. Even after being on a variety of restriction diets (no sugar, low carb, vegan, carnivore) to eliminate trigger foods, the best thing I ever did was allow myself to eat whatever I wanted. For me, Soylent is more something that I have when I'm in a rush or for some reason can't eat a normal meal; I don't think of it as any 'better' or 'worse' than a normal meal.

If you're a fan of reading, the following books helped me arrive at these conclusions, and they've been some of the single-most helpful resources I've come across:

  • Secrets from the Eating Lab by Traci Mann (easy, fun read, explains why dieting of any kind is counterproductive, lots of citations, links to further resources)
  • Intuitive Eating 3rd Edition by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch (a little dated, but a very important book, many ED recovery programs are based on its principles)
  • The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris (gimmicky title, yes, but incredibly helpful concepts, and not just for EDs; based on the principles of ACT, which is being used increasingly more for ED treatment)

    Also, if money is an issue for you, PM me and I'll send you electronic copies. Of course, none of this is replacement for seeing a therapist, as everyone else here will tell you, but these books will at least hopefully get you on the right track.
u/mheim · 2 pointsr/seduction

To be honest: I'm not a great fan of weed. It amplifies psychological problems like anxiety or depression. I had my fair share of them and one important step to recovery was to quit (If you are interested r/leaves).
If it hinders the process? I don't know to be honest and frankly there could be no answer on this question, because it could depend on the person.

What you could do about your thoughts is pausing Transformation Mastery for a while and reading this book: Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy .
This book will help you get rid of these thoughts and will give you a jump start.
Another one, which is not nearly as important as this amazing book is: You Are Not Your Brain.
And if you're really really ambitious this one The Happiness Trap too.

If you can't afford these books pm me.

u/heart_of_hearts · 2 pointsr/NoFap
u/frodotroublebaggins · 2 pointsr/booksuggestions

My coworker's wife is a psychologist and she's been recommending Exercise for mood and anxiety : proven strategies for overcoming depression and enhancing well-being by Michael Otto and Jasper A. J. Smits, Mind over mood : change how you feel by changing the way you think by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky, and The happiness trap : how to stop struggling and start living by Russ Harris and Steven Hayes

Personally, my go-to comfort books are Harry Potter and any of the Tortall series' by Tamora Pierce (though if you haven't read them before, I recommend starting with Alanna)

u/subtextual · 2 pointsr/askscience

I'm a serious introvert myself, so this is a topic of some considerable interest to me. :)

Introversion is not necessarily associated with anxiety, in that the traits are not that highly correlated and lots of introverts are not anxious. However, many people who are both introverted and anxious find that the two are intertwined. When that is the case, then getting better at coping with the anxiety can help you be more flexible in being introverted. There are a million self-help anxiety books, and most of them are pretty good because they are based on cognitive-behavioral principles. Personally, however, I am more intrigued by Acceptance and Commitment Therapy ideas, as described in books like Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life, The Happiness Trap, and The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety.

While we're on the topic of reading, if you haven't found it already, I'd suggest The Introvert Advantage -- a great book focusing on accepting, accommodating, and even feeling pretty good about your introversion.

Introversion appears to be very genetically-based and resistant to change, so accepting being an introvert will be an important first step. Introversion is not, in and of itself, healthy or unhealthy, although when you are surrounded by extroverts and a culture that values extroversion, it sure can feel like being introverted is unhealthy. IMHO, traits are only a problem when people are inflexible about applying them... that is, when they can only behave one way regardless of the situation. When people are interested in changing who they are, I often suggest, instead, trying to change how flexible they are about how they display the trait they are interested in changing.

To do that, you could think about the situations in which you are less introverted, and trying to figure out what it is about those situations that allow you to be less introverted. For me, I do better in situations that are structured, familiar, and relevant to my interests -- in those types of situations, you literally cannot shut me up. So, I can be more extroverted when I'm with a small group of good friends, or when I'm meeting a new therapy client for the first time (which is structured because I know exactly what I'm going to say), or when I'm commenting on reddit, or even when I'm teaching a large class or giving a talk to a huge audience. In contrast, in a small group of people I do not know well, when meeting a new person socially for the first time, or when doing something spontaneous that would cause a lot of people to pay attention to me (e.g., something terrible like karaoke), I am not able to be extroverted. But, if I wanted to be more extroverted, I could work to make those types of situations more structured, more familiar, or more relevant to my interests. Does that make sense?

Oh, and one more thing -- please join the Neuropsychology Book Club I am trying to start... I'm hoping it will be really interesting, especially for us voracious readers!!

u/helloiisclay · 2 pointsr/BorderCollie

Good luck and stick with it. Keeping them learning is the best way to settle them down, in my experience. I've rarely been able to get the actual energy burned out of either of mine, but mentally stimulating BC's through training them, teaching them new tricks, and just generally making them think works wonders. It may even help with the jumping, but that would just be a lucky side effect, not necessarily expected.

Another tip I'd offer is pick up a trick book. 101 Dog Tricks is what we used with our first. Just picked out something that looked fun and made it a week long project. You will calm him down, and have the added benefit of a dog that can do awesome tricks! lol

u/cat_and_hound · 2 pointsr/dogs

Ahhhhh I'm leaving on my weekend trip today and while I'm excited about my trip I'm so nervous to leave Baron for this long. I remember feeling even more nervous the first time I left for a week and had to leave my cat Castiel with my friends.

Not only am I just really attached to my animals, I've had some really horrible, awful, traumatizing experiences where some very bad things happened to previous pets (and Castiel) in my absence while I was engaged to my ex. I know those things won't happen again because that fucker is a couple states away now, and both Castiel and Baron are going to be watched by my animal loving parents who love both of them like grandchildren, but the trauma and anxiety is probably going to be in the back of my mind this weekend. My parents promised to let me facetime both of them as much as I wanted and will be sending me regular updates on them every day. I know they'll be ok. It's just stressful and the trauma is something to work through with my therapist.

I'll try to focus on being in the present moment on my trip, because I get to see my brother, sister in law, and niece for the first time in a long time. Plus they live right by the university I really, really want to end up at for grad school, and a very prominent professor there wants to meet with me this weekend. Also, this city has a very famous Belgian Waffle restaurant I haven't been to in years, plus a huge farmer's market.

On a less heavy, stressful note, Baron is becoming so much better at fetch! He loves it when I roll the ball really fast across the ground rather than throwing it throw the air. He's even bringing the ball somewhat back to me now. We just need to work on him not playing keep away with it when he gets close.

Also ordered 101 Dog Tricks yesterday and I'm so excited to have a dog trick book to guide me through Baron's trick titles.

ETA: Baron has also now discovered that it is possible to jump onto the top of my parent's spa. It's my fault. I wanted to see just how good his "up-up" was (his cue to jump on top of an object) by seeing if he'd jump onto an object that he can't see the top of. Well, turns out this dog trusts me enough to do that. He now jumps onto the spa whenever I pull out the treats and insists on doing all his tricks on top of the spa. I've created a monster. I don'r want him to hurt his joints jumping down from that so I'm going to have to carry him down.

u/flynk-9 · 2 pointsr/Dogtraining

Sure. I like 101 Dog Tricks, it's got pretty clear step-by-step instructions. Really anything that makes him think "How do I get the cookie?" and use trial and error will work.
Look (make eye contact) is an easy one to start with. Touch (nose to palm of hand to start) is good too. Once you get the hang of it, you can go crazy. Spin, turn right, turn left, play dead, find it, bring me a (toy name), give me the paw, high five, hug, moonwalk (go backwards), sit up and beg, go find (person).

We play a lot of ball in the yard, and they REALLY want the ball, so you can ask them for all sorts of goofy behaviors before you throw the ball. It's good practice and engages the brain.

For the tugging - mine does this, but only when she's super excited at dog events (long story). We have a special tug we only bring to that activity, and she holds on to it instead. The tug has balls on it, and she squishes the balls in her mouth to release her mental "OMG OMG OMG we're about to do something FUN!" Does he have a tug toy?

u/super_luminal · 2 pointsr/fitnesscirclejerk

Well, step 1 is don't spoil your dog. ;)
My dog is certainly pampered and treated incredibly well, but she isn't spoiled. She doesn't get away with other bullshit that most people let their dogs get away with. Furthermore, if I catch anyone feeding my dog stuff off their plate at the table, I'm not above punching them in the dick. Because of this, she doesn't beg for food, doesn't expect she's allowed on furniture (and when she "asks" and you say "no" she doesn't beg further), and she doesn't take things that haven't been given to her.

It all boils down to:

  • Set expectations (aim higher than you think, dogs are smart)

  • Find a way to communicate the expectations (without using english or other complex nonsense)

  • Don't deviate; Be consistent. (this is where most people fall down)
    If you expect your dog not to be on the couch, have body blocked the dog every time it tries to get up on it, told it no once when it "begged" then ignored further begging, DON'T leave it home alone with access to that couch or you'll teach it that it can't be on the couch when you're around.

    For training method, we use the marker method, which I learned how to do from reading online, mostly the Leerburg Website.

    For ideas for tricks and how to teach them, including excellent troubleshooting, we used 101 Dog Tricks, by Kyra Sundance

    That being said, my monster isn't perfect, we work on things every day, like leash pulling, jumping up and biting when she gets excited (she just turned 2), and separation anxiety (hers isn't too bad, but it's a common breed trait).
u/KestrelLowing · 2 pointsr/Dogtraining

Just wanted to mention that at this point, you should still be actively socializing her. Hell, until a dog reaches 2 years of age you should probably be actively socializing them!

If you're running out of trick ideas (which you probably will as GSD's pick up things quick) you can do a few things. First, start proofing your current tricks. Sure, she can do them in the living room, but can she do them outside? Additionally, I've heard people that really like this book (101 Dog Tricks) although I personally haven't looked at the book. This can give you a few more ideas. Also, look into shaping tricks. This is often more mentally taxing for dogs than training treats with luring. Frankly, you probably should never be feeding her from a bowl. Every single piece of kibble should be earned, or put into a kong wet and then frozen.

Like /u/Tubbertons7 said, people often don't realize how much a pain in the ass smart dogs are and how difficult they are to keep occupied.

Additionally, make sure you look into teaching your pup how to relax. A lot of high energy, high drive dogs just don't know how to relax. They're either GO GO GO or asleep. How to "chill" needs to be taught to some dogs. One of the easiest ways is, if your pup does relax occasionally is to capture it like shown in this video. /u/Nope-Again also mentions mat training which is what I'm actually trying with my dog as she never even offers calmness. (I'm using the method outlined in Fired Up, Frantic, and Freaked Out but I've not been doing it for very long yet, so I can't tell you how it's really working)

u/Pi4yo · 2 pointsr/dogs

There are SO MANY things you can work on training, even with a small space. I've used this book but you could look around for one that seems interesting to you. It's really amazing how even 30 minutes of mental stimulation can tire a pup out.

u/used2bgood · 2 pointsr/Wishlist

The book I just finished was a surprisingly genuine great read. I thought the title was going to be preface a fairly gimmicky content, but no such thing.

u/TheWeebQueen · 2 pointsr/casualiama

There's actually a book on it!

In general, you have to learn to accept yourself for whoever you want to be, regardless of what society thinks. No matter who you are and where you come from, you have every right to live the way you want. Fuck the people who don't support you, and find ones that do. I guess unless you're planning a murder, that's not cool.

Being honest, realizing that you are not responsible for how anyone feels, and not settings expectations help a ton. Put more good into the world my friend, fuck the people that are buttheads!

u/tylermax569 · 2 pointsr/booksuggestions

Not a joke, but you should read this

Subtle Art of Not Giving A [email protected]

https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive-ebook/dp/B019MMUA8S

It's a fresh take on how you should approach things in life. Not the usual self-help book.

u/Potasssium · 2 pointsr/ADHD

Yup, completely in control or no control at all, no intermediate settings.

Reading the book, "The Subtle Art of not Giving a F" to help me with the not in control state.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B019MMUA8S/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&amp;amp;btkr=1

u/Plothunter · 2 pointsr/asktransgender

That's what I did. It's a healthy attitude. Also, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

It's on my to read list.

u/IceCage42 · 2 pointsr/Random_Acts_Of_Amazon

You should check out this book

u/omnommunster · 2 pointsr/FreeCompliments

You should check out https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive-ebook/dp/B019MMUA8S
It helped me sooo much. I have a lot of internal struggles but this book really helped to focus what I need to really worry about. My advice is to eat better, drink more H20, and give less fucks.

Start out by not calling yourself a loser. Most of us have a bad habit of that from time to time but take some effort to just stop the pattern. Your reality is what you make it.

u/Linmark · 2 pointsr/france
u/AttractedToGravity · 2 pointsr/StopGaming

I was not depressed but I have severe social anxiety, the only thing that helped me is not giving a fuck. https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive-ebook/dp/B019MMUA8S

u/Likedisaster · 2 pointsr/AskMen

My immediate thought is that if you are self aware enough to recognize these tendencies then you should be mindful enough to stop that behavior. Also, that if you are involved with someone exhibiting that behavior and you speak with them about it, then find that they are not willing to think critically about themselves and how they act then no, you cannot change that person or fix the relationship. You only control yourself and your impact on the relationship.

A quick search brought me a few articles on how to heal codependant relationships. I think couples counseling would be the best approach. Learning to curb codependancy in yourself by building self confidence and strong personal boundaries when you are single so that you are able to recognize it in others when you are dating would be the best route.

I haven't read it yet, but I've seen this book Mindset: The New Psychology of Sucess recommended often to build self confidence and this book The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*uck has given me a good taste of what perspective to adopt when you're someone that allows other's wants and needs to come before your own.

u/Jnsjknn · 2 pointsr/NoStupidQuestions

You can find some good tips on the subtle art od not giving a fuck

u/BlandstanderB · 2 pointsr/mentalhealth

You write a lot of daydreaming, fantasizing and what other people have vs what you don't have. Been there, still there, moving out of there. Live in your world, accept what you do have and stop trying to live up to someone else's expectation - even if you think it's yours, it's informed by someone else's. Once you shed the focus on others, you may find what you are good at and start building something for yourself.
I rarely like it when someone says check out this book, but check out this book: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck

u/Roan_traveler · 2 pointsr/Advice

It sounds like you could really use what's in this book: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive-ebook/dp/B019MMUA8S

It's called "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck". I think most type-A overachievers should read it. Give it a try -- you're not going to "win" at changing yourself without putting a little work into it, and a book, with lots of different ideas that will catch your mind and speak to you, is the best way to get started.

But right now, right this minute, I'd ask yourself what's underneath your desire to play. You're describing it as caring to win, but I bet a big part of it is terror at losing -- at losing something you value, feeling like a loser, feeling like you're losing control and power. That's okay -- we all want control and power. But that's not where you're going to get peace and happiness from. You will never, ever, ever have enough "winning" or success or money to calm that beast down -- if you keep feeding it, and not facing your fears of losing, it'll stay strong and you'll be stuck in it longer. You want to get into balance, and get some real happiness and peace -- that comes from presence in the moment, serving others, having strong friendships and relationships, getting out into the natural world, and having a few big goals in life that you're working towards. Gaming, and winning at games, can definitely be one of your big goals -- but it can't be everything. It can't subsume you, and it can't eat up the rest of life.

You're probably also afraid of sitting still -- when you sit still you have to deal with the concerns and anxieties that are percolating around in your head. Gaming, or anything else like it that eats up your mental energy, soothes you because it keeps you from dealing with all the things we need to deal with in life. But if you never sit still and deal with them, they stick around and sometimes get stronger, making you throw yourself even more into whatever you're using as a distraction (here, gaming). It's like a Chinese finger-trap -- the answer is counterintuitive. Try listening to a Tara Brach podcast, she's a clinical psychologist and meditator. Her podcasts are free, start with anything with "RAIN" in the title.

Basically, I think you just need to slow down and enjoy your life and accept that it's okay to "lose" sometimes. Trying to win all the time is a perfectionist trap and a distraction. Deal with what's going on underneath and it'll get easier, and then maybe get another hobby so your interests are stretched into a couple different places. A sport or something that takes you outside would be a great counterbalance (skating? running? Biking?).

Cheers, bud. You're going to be just fine! Good luck!

u/Oswamano · 2 pointsr/CasualConversation

Meditating and giving less fucks.

You can search up introductory meditation videos but here is one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPpUNAFHgxM

As for giving less fucks this book is pretty good: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B019MMUA8S/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&amp;amp;btkr=1

Cutting deep to the heart of the issue. Barring all the spiritual connotations, the core of meditation is getting your brain to calm down/shut up for a bit. If you can't stop thinking for even a second, meditation can help you chill out.

Giving less fucks is pretty much that. Worrying less, accepting that your mood can change, not wanting what you can't have, not worrying about what you can't control, it all ties into that.

Hope that helps :)

Also if you DM me I can probably hook you up with a pdf of the book I mentioned if you have a (throwaway) email

u/ColinsEgo · 2 pointsr/conspiracy

Because you get to experience different lifetimes like a video game :D

Deep down you can return anytime you'd like.

But deep down you also don't want to, your soul WANTS to be here. Everything is free-will, you chose this on some level prior to being here. You can call it being a "light worker" you can call it your soul playing different avatars as different "Vdieo games", you can call it a universal school of 3-dimensional-to-5th-dimensional-consciousness shifting process. YOU CAN CALL IT A CELEBRATION. It's all up to you. Don't be a victim. Yes some shit sucks. When you see the gift that life is, all the "shit" is just kinda like... not a big deal.

Read this: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B019MMUA8S/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&amp;amp;btkr=1

It's a great perspective on 3-dimensional consciousness (spirituality is not the focus but how i describe it)

Also, smoke some DMT.

You'll find it's not better nor worse to be on or off the wheel of incarnation. You will experience all of life eventually as the Creator you are. You've just decided to act as a wonky human for now, just as the rest of your extended "family" (humanity) :-)

We are One

u/SeniorSophomore · 2 pointsr/CalgaryFlames

That's interesting. I'll definitely take a look at it.

[What about this book?] (https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B019MMUA8S/ref=pd_aw_sim_351_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;psc=1&amp;amp;refRID=8PZ5DWHSSSF9HT7CJP6Z)

u/cobra100 · 1 pointr/golf

Training a Tiger https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062702289/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_aYQLxbB8S0ZQF


Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience (Harper Perennial Modern Classics) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0061339202/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_hZQLxbR6ZVBTN

u/bluesatin · 1 pointr/psychology

I read a couple of books by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi recently that is based around the concept of Flow (being in the zone) and he argues that the most happy people are is when they're in flow; it stops you thinking about yourself and you sort of lose a sense of self/ego.

I believe the book I read was Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, it be something that interests you.

u/BorisMalden · 1 pointr/AcademicPsychology

In addition to the names already mentioned, I'd check out Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.

u/Sealestr · 1 pointr/darksouls3

If anyone wants to know more, I suggest reading Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by the same person Wired interviewed. It's an excellent book.

u/Offish · 1 pointr/AskReddit

I found an antidepressant that worked for me (I had to try a few, figuring out what drug will work for a particular person is a bit of a guessing game). That helped me regain some perspective on life and remember what it feels like not to be depressed and hopeless all the time.

Then I started changing some habits. I exercised more (both weightlifting and cardio) and found that it improved my mood even more than my health. I ate better, fewer refined sugars, more vegetables, etc. I worked to incorporate things I really enjoy into my normal routine. I like to read, so I made sure I took the time to do it even when busy with other things. My mood is better when I'm with friends, so I made more of an effort to get out and be social. I watched less TV, which tends to dampen my mood.

A lot of people are depressed for a reason. Even if a big part of the problem is how you respond to certain kinds of pressures and disappointments, you can make things easier on yourself by looking for things in your life that make you depressed. Is your job demoralizing? Look for ways to make it better or try to find a new one. Are you in a relationship that's giving you more stress than happiness? Maybe you should address some of the things that make you unhappy with your SI, or get out of the relationship altogether. Big changes can be stressful, which can make some people depressed, but they can also be empowering and remove unhealthy elements from your life. It takes some self-knowledge and serious thought to know which is which, but it's worth it.

After making the lifestyle changes, I started to think about my mental habits. I learned through research that cognitive behavioral therapy is the most effective form of "talking cure." I'm more comfortable working things out by myself, so I bought self-help workbooks based on that method (e.g.).

I started researching the science behind neuroplacticity, or the degree to which your brain can physically adapt to habits of thought, and learned that what seemed to be hardwired can actually be changed through effort and practice. That was empowering, and motivated me to change the way I think about things.

I read books like Flow and The Chemistry of Joy, in order to understand better what being happy looks like in practice.

I used the antidepressants as a crutch to help stabilize me while I got my life together, and to keep me from falling into the crippling despondency that goes with my depression. After I had built some healthier habits, both mental and behavioral, I decided to get off them to see if I could sustain myself without them. Remember that getting off of most antidepressants can bring on extremely painful withdrawal if done too quickly. Taper down slowly with the help of your doctor. Remember also that there's some evidence that after going off of a drug, it can be less effective when you go back on, so focus on improving your mental outlook and habits for a while before jumping off your meds. I still have bad days, but I'm better equipped to cope with them now, and I don't get caught in depressive cycles the way I used to.

Finally, remember that just like everyone responds differently to different medications, everyone will take different things out of the books I mention and the techniques that worked for me. Look around and see what appeals to you. The important thing to remember is that you can change your mental health with practice, and it's not as hard as it seems when you're depressed.

I wish you the best of luck.

u/wholeyoghurt · 1 pointr/trees

OK, now I am flying.

Introduction

Let us go on a journey, then, shall we?

Let us get a nice soundtrack first.

I recommend something relaxed, but heady.

Try PsyAmbient / Deep Trance Mix - "The Final Dimension" or Epicuros Interstellar (Chillout) on for size.

The journey


On this journey, I will introduce you in two sections.
These sections are Physics and Self improvement and understanding
The most preferred route will be first Physics, then Meditation.
After that we recommend the other way around.

After that, and I stress AFTER THAT,
You either retry, OR if you feel you have an understanding, try the other order.

AFTER THAT, again, I am serious.
You can try to intersperse them. Reading all of physics, one chapter of each a week, contemplating on their significance for each other.
But I can promise you will go back to the prior level more than once.

Gravity and Magnetism

Let us take a look at gravity and magnetism.

Magnetism

Google for [source of magnetism],
Look at the very first link provided:
Sources of Magnetism

That read is a trip, enjoy.

TL:DR

There are several sources of magnetism, but none of them have to do with mass.
There are ridiculously strong, small magnets.

Let us take a look at their strength

The magnetic force is much stronger than gravity.

Gravity

You can go on and learn about [gravitational waves] (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gravitational_wave)
or and now it gets juicy after learning about gravity, go into the actual research, not the scifi esoteric crap, but real research on anti gravity.

Meditation, Fitness, Productivity, Creativity, and Happiness

With the head full of ALL that, we take a completely different direction, and go into our selves.

u/JesusListensToSlayer · 1 pointr/AskMen

A lot of people are suggesting self-help books, which isn't a genre I recommend to anyone who is genuinely interested in learning about himself and the world around him. You'll be limited to simple paradigms and formulaic models. The world is not simple and no one really understands it that well, so any book that claims to break it down into a a few categories or a comprehensible graph, must be taken with a grain of salt. You will never see lasting personal growth if you latch on to a pop-psychology formula. Maybe you already know this, I'm mostly reacting to the comments. There is no "one book," but maybe you're just looking for a place to start.

I really like The Lucifer Effect for exploring how some people become evil. This is the guy who did the Stanford Prison Experiment in the 70's.

And since I don't really know what you're looking for, Flow is just awesome for getting motivated to be useful.





u/Apotheosis276 · 1 pointr/SSBM

That sounds cool and all but I don't think you're really getting to bottom of what's happening when you say stuff like "on-the-fly adaptation can become one and whole as part of the subconscious flux." The act of adapting during a match, a verb, becomes part of what, now? A subconscious flux, what is that? "Flow" is a state of mind, we are trying to understand, describe, and be able to reproduce this "optimal experience."

Galeway and even Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi the guy that popularized the concept fell short, as Flow reads like a self-help book.

Anyway, cognizance is directly opposed to subconsciousness. They cannot "become one," since by definition subconsciousness is not being conscious or cognizant.

You are also not going to have "cognizance" at the speed of subconsciousness. Conscious thought takes time, and that slows you down. Speed of decision-making is directly tied to the consciousness of an action. Action is a part of a complete reaction, and quick, effortless reactions gives you that thrilling feeling.

On the one hand, you need reasoning, conscious thought, to solve complex problems, but on the other, you need reaction speed and fine motor control. But, you can't have both. So, the only way "self 1 and 2" working together makes sense is if you are constantly switching between them. Or, if you are riding back and forth along the sliding scale between thinking a lot and thinking next to nothing if that is the subconscious/conscious dichotomy's true nature.

This "self 1 and 2 switching" is different from both Galeway's "inner game" and Csikszentmihalyi's "flow" paradigms, as they focus on primarily on activities where you need to consciously adapt very little. Because in reality, that breaks flow. But in Melee and many other competitive games, conscious adaptation is necessary. If you're in the zone and you're fucking LOSING, do you really want to stay in that mind state? No. You want to identify the problem, solve it, and get back in the zone as quickly as possible.

If you want a spiritual-sciencey metaphor summary, you want to relieve the inertia that resists your atemporal transit. You want graceful hardware and software interrupts. You want to be able to repeatedly jump in the lazy river, adapt to the current, and jump back out, walk to another point of the river, and jump back in without it, like, feeling weird, or something. I don't know.

u/denim_skirt · 1 pointr/Guitar

It's not specifically about music, but the book Flow by Csikszentmihalyi is about this type of "optimal experience" - the idea that sometimes we're more present and effective and observant and stuff. It's pretty interesting stuff imho.

I worked in bookstores for years and people would come in sometimes like 'do you have this book, uh, "flow"' and the answer was always 'only if you can spell that author's last name.'

u/fernweh · 1 pointr/Psychonaut

if you want more literature, check out out this book. it's a little hard to read but talks a lot more about flow

u/batfan007 · 1 pointr/Meditation

Thanks for posting.

Article didn't do much for me.

For anyone interested in how to actually use flow, in a consistent trainable repeatable manner, rather than in the usual airy fairy "oh we don't know how this happens" manner check out these two books:

Flow: The Psychology of Happiness by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

http://www.amazon.com/Flow-Psychology-Experience-Mihaly-Csikszentmihalyi/dp/0061339202/ref=asap_B000AQ1KVM?ie=UTF8

Prasara Yoga: Flow Beyond Thought by Scott Sonnen

http://www.amazon.com/PRASARA-YOGA-Flow-Beyond-Thought/dp/0979427541/ref=sr_1_sc_2?s=books&amp;amp;ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1418816359&amp;amp;sr=1-2-spell&amp;amp;keywords=scott+sonnen

The first book is more the mental side, the second book more the physical side, both are great reading.

u/KilluaKanmuru · 1 pointr/TheMindIlluminated

https://www.amazon.com/Flow-Psychology-Experience-Perennial-Classics/dp/0061339202

John Vervaeke on YouTube is great. Check out his videos. I especially like his series: Awakening from the Meaning Crisis.

u/honeybadgerbudgeting · 1 pointr/financialindependence

Flow

This book completely changed how I see life. I've read a lot of self help books in my day, and this is the book that has finally allowed me to start actually applying the lessons I've learned in the rest of the genre.

Over the course of four or five months I've managed to start at 20 minutes and build out to an hour and a half daily of "flow activities". "Engineering flow" is a very real skill that takes time to learn and implement, but it's fucking worth it.

10/10 will be buying that book for a loved one this week :D

u/p00psicle · 1 pointr/motorcycles

I read it on vacation and found it a bit too serious for that setting. As far as philosophy goes I preferred a book called Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. I found it had similar values but was much easier to read.

u/zstone · 1 pointr/IAmA

Watch youtube reaction videos, you'll see tons of it. Look at all of those stress / deep thought signs (touching your face, fingers through hair, stroking chin) and then watch a poker game.

I remember as a teen my mother was constantly telling me not to roll my eyes so much, that it was very rude. Thing is, it's not a gesture I ever perform intentionally, I didn't even know I was doing it. There is a really interesting exercise you can do involving paying attention to your body; this type of stuff happens way more than you realize, you perform at least some of these gestures subconsciously. The next time you notice a physical sensation (clenched fist, sore jaw, walking slower or faster than normal, more/less muscle tension than normal, different posture than normal, looking down often instead of looking forward like normal, etc ad nauseum), stop and take note of what you were thinking/feeling, as the two are often correlated.

There are only a few books on intuition and subconscious action that I personally know of that aren't at least quasi-metaphysical; if you aren't into the new-age scene, check out Blink by Malcolm Gladwell, or Flow by Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi. If you don't mind people who spell "magick" with a K (to separate themselves from illusionists / stage magicians), check out Undoing Yourself by Christopher Hyatt, or anything from the Fourth Way school (I find PD Ouspensky's book of the same name to be the most approachable).

TL;DR you yourself probably perform many of these gestures subconsciously, without even realizing it.

u/wisekernel · 1 pointr/Mindfulness

I guess before I could probably help with your question, I'd need to better understand what judgments you're making about yourself that make it difficult to find piece. What are you saying to yourself (particularly ABOUT yourself)? Are you telling yourself you can't do it? That you are flawed and so you'll "never be able to stick with it"? Something else?

If so, I'd say one of the most important places to start is to become mindfully aware of our negative self-talk and start treating yourself with more compassion. We all make mistakes, especially when it comes to lifestyle change. It is SO normal (and understandable) that we go back to old habits when under stress - but you need to be the one who reminds yourself of that, gives yourself compassion and love for being human, and then moves on.

Mistakes/slips are a lot easier to tolerate and overcome when we are kind to ourselves for them. Beating ourselves up for them might FEEL like we are protecting ourselves from slipping again by "punishing" the behavior, but it usually only sets us up to fail.

If it helps, I also HIGHLY recommend Kristin Neff on this subject and her book "Self-Compassion": https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=&amp;amp;sr= She also has a bunch of info and activities on her website: http://self-compassion.org/

u/Jeremymia · 1 pointr/funny

hahaha that made me laugh and there's a lot that's true of what you say. I guess kids (especially pre-middle-school) have a lot less anxiety than adults so there's less of a need to be so emotionally supportive.

But I'm not sure it's a fair comparison. Competitive competions by their nature encourage you to be better than other people. A kid shouldn't be told "Beat everyone else at schoolwork" or "Get the most friends"... they should just be told to do their best and only compete with themselves. An adult OR kid in a competitive sport or game should be being encouraged to beat everyone else.

ALSO: I think the model of "Only compete with yourself" is also sometimes flawed. I recommend everyone reading self-compassion, a book about accepting who you are. Basic premise: Everyone wants to think they're better than average at everything which is obviously not true, so whenever you fall short you can get all sorts of issues. Instead, understand places where you are who you are and be okay with them, learn to live with them, etc. (And also understand where you can improve)

u/selinapenny · 1 pointr/AskMen

I’ve had the same thing for years and years I’ve started therapy and she recommended a book that changed my outlook and helped me a lot.

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself https://www.amazon.com/dp/0061733520/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_UbILDb9XFCSTK

u/Mr_Milieu · 1 pointr/Anxiety

I'd recommend checking out a book by a psychologist named Kristin Neff. I think she's also given TEDx talks on the subject as well.

What makes her book great is that unlike the vast majority of self-help book, the aim isn't to change who you are but how you view yourself as you are. It's very honest and isn't filled with the sort of pseudo-science optimism bullshit that saturate the 'self-help' industry.

u/grumpy-dumpee · 1 pointr/ExNoContact

&gt; I fucking hate myself

Unfortunately, I know this feeling only too well.

I strongly recommend that you take a look at Self Compassion. I read this book, and it helped me a lot.

Life is hard enough without beating yourself up.

u/PeteInq · 1 pointr/seduction

sup man. I idenitfy with your position, so I want to share a couple of resources I've found in my search for self-love.

  • Kristin Neff - Self-Compassion
    This book makes it possible to go thorugh the shame shift OP went through without waiting for a meltdown.

    This is the main resource I wanted to share. However, you might also want to check out these other resources:
  • Unlocking the emotional brain
    Good book on how new therapies can fix long-standing issues much faster then previously believed
  • See also this post on self-acceptance in relations from RSD: Expression rather than impression
u/soapydansk · 1 pointr/ADHD

Wow, weekly testing?? Is that the norm?

Regarding being less hard on yourself, I highly highly highly recommend Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. I have it on audiobook and I've listened a couple times through already. It kind of rocked and continues to rock my world.

u/BlackAnarchy · 1 pointr/AskReddit

Yeah.

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

Really good book such people should read and take to heart.

u/mf_dk43 · 1 pointr/AskMen

I'm gonna list one book that has helped me tremendously in my life as far as confidence and being a man, its No More Mr. Nice Guy and it is a fantastic book that I highly recommend. The second book is by a guy who've I've read a lot of content of and he's basically a life coach. He just wrote a new book which I think is exactly what you're looking for, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

u/Discoamazing · 1 pointr/AdviceAnimals

My friend, this is a conversation I was having yesterday with an acquaintance on the other side of the country, and a book came up that may be relevant to your needs: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713. He is in a position similar to yours, and says that it helped him. I’m sure there are PDFs of it floating around the web if you don’t want to shell out money for it.

u/notwhoireallyam88 · 1 pointr/DecidingToBeBetter

Read this: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713/ref=nodl_

It helped me! I have it on Audible and re-listen time to time.

u/sinagog · 1 pointr/CasualConversation

I really enjoyed reading "The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck"
It taught me about giving a fuck only for the things that deserve it.

I also enjoyed "How To Win Friends and Influence People" which taught me that it's not about me - it's about being genuine with, and interested in, other people. My pride? Who gives a fuck! I'm embarrassed? Who gives a fuck!

I then read "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" which talks a lot about how to identify what it is you want, and what you care about, and how to align yourself and your life with that. It's a really positive book that I highly recommend reading!

Edit: I also absolutely loved "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelious which is generally about stoicism. The version I read was all "thou shalt", but I've seen somebody on Reddit quote a modern one which made for much easier reading! But Marcus Aurelious basically kept a journal of things he wanted to remind himself of, about his place in the world and his duty. I really, highly recommend it.

u/Powerful_Arm · 1 pointr/teenagers

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_2Zn4AbWN3Q2C1

u/Criticalthinking346 · 1 pointr/exredpill

So, we have an enlarged amygdala because of our thinking. Our ancestors learned to fear everything, this caused the over evolution of it. So yes evolution is environment and biological mixed, you can’t have one without the other. The first single called organisms that sensed light (from the environment), did better than those that didn’t. However if there wasn’t any light they wouldn’t have. If we as a people all started working on neocortex growth this would eventually trickle down. The biggest issues in our society are caused by our failure to evolve as quickly as our society has. We no longer have to fear lions, triggers, and bears, but our amygdala is operating on this old fear system.

However we very much can learn to chill the fuck out, and it starts with addressing our thoughts. The best way to do this is through mindfulness. I personally have in depth understanding of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and mix it with mindfulness. It work so well I wanted to learn where mindfulness originated from. This lead me to Zen. So I would recommend anything mindfulness related to start you on your path. Crazy enough you’ve already been exposed to it through some of the red pill (they are good about using wisdom from others and dressing it up like there own). Two really good books are the subtle art of not giving a fuck and everything is fucked both are by Mark Manson. He is very good at mixing eastern philosophy and psychology in a way that makes it very understandable.

You seem to view her as an extension of yourself and your own status. This is faulty logic. She (like you) are complete and whole on your own. See in life when it comes to sexual relationships we have three choices. Don’t have any experience, have an in depth experience, or have a breath of experiences. None is better or worse than another, they are just different. Choose going alone and you avoid having to ever compromise anything but you’ll always feel like an outsider on some level. Choose an in-depth experience and you lose out on variety and can get boring, but you have a real chance at true intimacy (I say chance because a lot of relationships don’t make it, because it can take 15-30 years to get there). Lastly choosing a breath lets you have a lot of experience and never gets boring, but you have no chance at true intimacy.

So for most of human history women were only allowed to choose between no experience or in-depth. This lead to a lot of suicide, early death etc. Now women are as free as men, but unfortunately not all men have evolved past women being property or just an extension of self. They can’t see that everyone is playing their own game.

I use the analogy of broad games. Everyone is playing their own board game and thinks everyone else is playing the same one. However they aren’t we are all playing different ones, and can never see others persons game. So say your playing monopoly and I am playing chess. I look over at you and get mad that your not moving your pieces like chess, your not playing by my rules. Yet how could you? Your playing a totally different game. This is the truth of everyone no matter how much you love them or how long you’ve been together. I am my husband are playing different games and that just fine as long as I respect his, and he mine.

Having multiple partners isn’t god or bad. It’s just having more partners. What I mean is do you like your girlfriend now? Because if you do you must thank all her past experiences, sexual or not. This is because we’re all just our accumulation of our past experiences. You take away any experience you change the person.

I would humbly suggest you start viewing your girlfriend as a complete person worthy of love and respect like we all our regardless of past. Also stop putting your worth in external things like status, ideas, beliefs. I am no less worthy of my husbands love because of my past. He still loves me and see me as equals because he respects my humanness. He doesn’t believe my past has any bearing on our future (because it doesn’t). He especially does not see me as an extension of himself.

Try the books they can really help.

u/simjanes2k · 1 pointr/trashy

Can I recommend this?

u/wtcnbrwndo4u · 1 pointr/AskMen

Check out this book my dude. Mark Manson speaks pretty well to most people, I think.
https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

u/TetraElemental · 1 pointr/starterpacks
u/SamTrenbalone · 1 pointr/Marriage

Check out this book see if it has value for you.

u/Colby6736 · 1 pointr/GoForGold
u/not_my_real_name_2 · 1 pointr/Advice

I highly recommend this book:
Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F---: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living A Good Life.
https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

u/GorillaDownDicksOut · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

&gt; Do you have any recommendations on motivation and feelings of accomplishment? Nowdays I have zero motivation to do anything and I don't get any feeling of accomplishment or joy from accomplishing what I had thought were my goals.

&gt; I got the same feeling from getting a promotion as I did when I just slept and stayed in bed all day.

This may be a case of every problem looking like a nail when you've got a hammer, but it sounds like philosophy could be beneficial. Motivation is something that I've always struggled with, and there's no effective way that I've found to really manipulate it. What did work is really thinking about what I want out of life, what my goals really are, and what I value. After I figured that out (on going process), motivation was a lot easier becasue I had a clear target and knew what I wanted to do.

I didn't get any joy from practising the guitar because it wasn't what I really cared about. But when I know what I'm doing is getting me closer to what I really want in life, then the sense of accomplishment comes easily. If you're not getting a sense of accomplishment from getting a promotion, then that's likely becasue you don't think that that gets you closer to living the life you want.

Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us could be a good starting point, and then I'd follow it up with The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck for an easy introduction to stoic philosophy.

EDIT: Stoic philosophy is what helped me, but that doesn't mean it'll do the same for you. I did a fair bit of reading on other subjects before finding something that worked. That's why it's important to just put the time in; it's the only way you'll find what works for you.

u/Tanmang77 · 1 pointr/mildlyinfuriating

I think the guy in the blue shirt holding the orange book is reading "The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck". And if that's correct then I think this post is even funnier.

Not 100% sure but I'm currently reading it and the orange cover with black text makes me think it is. https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

u/GeneralTry · 1 pointr/NoFap

Oh yea, those are also great recommendations.

By the way Mark just released a new book that's pretty fucking awesome. I haven't finished it yet but so far it is basically a compilation of all of his ideas.

https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1483378133&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=the+subtle+art+of+not+giving+a+f---+mark+manson

u/bassboicloutfamfire · 1 pointr/MGTOW
u/subcypher · 1 pointr/AskMen

Honestly, it comes with wisdom. If you're having a hard time just "not getting it", check out The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, by Mark Manson. It helped me.

u/jonmmarquez · 1 pointr/askgaybros

I thought the same thing a few years ago. It's all in your mentality. Being able to NGAF of what others think of your and live your life instead of being/feeling miserable because you're stuck in fear of what others may think/judge you for. Here’s a good book you may want to read. It's helped me out!

https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

u/lovetoruin · 1 pointr/Advice
u/7121958041201 · 1 pointr/CasualConversation

A therapist is going to be able to help you with this way more than anyone here (especially since apparently half the people here are suicidal). They're specifically trained for this kind of thing and can give you techniques, behaviors, medications etc. that are tailored just for your situation.

That said it sounds like your problem is concentrating on negative things. There are a lot of options to help with that. Mindfulness helps a lot and can be worked on with meditation. Keeping your life in general good order is another important step (exercise, sleep, nutrition, being social, keeping an active mind). After that I think the important thing is to identify what you really care about (your values) and stay busy working towards them. It's hard to be so negative when you're in the moment and things are going well in your life.

There are tons of books that can help too. Here's a fairly simple one that I enjoyed. Otherwise I'd recommend books on ACT therapy (e.g. "The Happiness Trap"), Stoicism (this one is good), Meditation ("Mindfulness in Plain English" is good and free), and CBT therapy (I like this one, though it's kinda long). "The Happiness Hypothesis" is another good overview type book.

u/welliamwallace · 1 pointr/self

Read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. Then stop giving a fuck. Stop faking anything. Everything you wrote sounds like you are constantly adapting your words and actions based on what you think other people will react best to, but that only makes you seem fake. I admit, it's a vicious cycle, a negative feedback loop.

Be genuine. Learn to love yourself. But that's not just a switch you can flip, you have to become a loveable person, and you will naturally fall in love with yourself. Be genuinely interested in people: just listen to them. Stop thinking about what you will get out of the conversation, be selfless.

Another note: There's an opposite positive feedback loop that you want to start rolling. Think about it this way: Exercise makes you look better. Exercise makes you feel better. Exercise improves your mood. When your mood is improved, you are more interesting to other people. When you look better, you have more self-confidence. When you have more self-confidence, it comes off attractively to others. You don't crave their attention anymore. When you have more self-confidence, you feel better. When you feel better, you are more motivated to exercise and go to social events. When you go to more social events, it improves your mood. And on and on and on: they all build on each other. You have to jump start the process, force yourself to do one of these things and the others will follow.

u/natmastak · 1 pointr/india

I suggest you reading this book.

u/SillyROI · 1 pointr/keto

Who cares what ignorant people think? I don't get it. Being pissed off because someone doesn't understand what you're doing is a choice you make. Instead you could choose to let it go and move on with your life!

There is no shame in what we do here. Take pride in your diet. Don't get upset when someone else doesn't get it. You're doing this for you, not other people. No need to justify it to anyone else. No need to seek anyone else's approval. You know it works and you have made a choice.

Here's another thing you may not realize: other people are going to try to piss you off along your journey too! Some people you thought had your best interests at heart will say things like 'you're losing too much weight' or 'that diet isn't sustainable'. These people are jealous of your success and want some company for their misery. Are you going to let that piss you off too? You let a fast food server get to you; what's it going to be like when someone you care about says something ignorant?

Train yourself now to own your diet and own your emotions and stay in control of both and choose to not let insignificant bullshit bother you. If you can't confidently look a fast food worker in the eye and say, "Yes, I'm on a low carb diet" you need some help with your mentality. Maybe start with this book https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

u/Lucavious · 1 pointr/AmItheAsshole

https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

This book helped me A LOT with handling those kind of people. Highly recommend it.

u/Dash_dashhh · 1 pointr/freefolk

after the last 2 episodes I started " The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck"

u/ShowerPell · 1 pointr/dating

Thank you, I think less is more. I think some girls are more into the time between texts game while other girls are willing to reply honestly and more freely.

Wouldn't it be nice if these women told you what they didn't like instead of just ghosting you? I did let it get to me pretty majorly at first -- this experience has taught me that I really need to improve on not giving a f*ck (just ordered this book)

u/pstcbr · 1 pointr/howtonotgiveafuck

Great summary of this book that everybody should read:

https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

u/iiiCronos · 1 pointr/confession

Here's a good book too! Or two. Or four! No More Mister nice guy + The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck + You Are a Badass + Declutter your Mind

They all will apply to Men or Women and are full of great advice and insights! E books available for cheap too. Suppose you can pirate them if you don't have the funds :)

Much love, hit me up if you need some friendly advice! I have been through a lot and am only now seeking what I feel I deserve in life :D

u/lad1701 · 1 pointr/keto

A friend once recommended this book to me and while I haven't bought it yet, I feel like this past year on keto (holy crap one year tomorrow!) has me feeling like I could write a version for myself.

KCKO and http://i.imgur.com/m1i6MUr.jpg

u/cannibalkitteh · 1 pointr/sysadmin

I know they sound like joke recommendations, but I'm serious:

Get Out of I.T. While You Can

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

u/00OORTS37X · 1 pointr/ForeverAlone

I recommend you read this book:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_q2OOBbCWPWEER

(You can get the PDF from b-ok)

Especially Chapter 5.

Good luck mate.



u/IMayBeAutistic2 · 1 pointr/politics

Christ, it must be really hard being a snowflake.
I recommend reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. Essentially, learn what to care about and to devote your time to, and don't give a fuck about the rest.

u/saucydaniel · 1 pointr/getdisciplined

One book I am currently reading that I am enjoying is The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck It is about what things you should care about in life, and has a funny approach to it.

u/ProfXavr · 1 pointr/booksuggestions

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Art-Happiness-Handbook-Living/dp/0340750154


Two books that explore the concept of less is more, and how materialist goals and the struggle for happiness end up only ever leaving you wanting more. The first being a modern, satirical look at how everything in life ultimately comes with pain and struggle, and we have to bare the pain that's worth baring. The second being a more spiritual and at times psychological look at what happiness means and how to truly achieve it.

A lot of self-help books focus on self-confidence boosting "you can do anything" mantras which ultimately are meaningless, so I'd avoid those at all cost. Both of these books are much more objective and honest than that, the former taking on a fairly Nihilistic approach.

u/ight-bet · 1 pointr/cscareerquestions

amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

Seems like you have extremely high standards for yourself when given a task by someone else that you're supposed to be able to do, so that you don't let them down. Maybe too high.

A mentor at an internship I did gave me this advice:

"The most important thing you have as a software engineer is confidence in your code." - not even good code lol.

u/MGTOWJayJay · 1 pointr/MGTOW

Huh? Part of adopting the mgtow philosophy is not giving a fuck what people or society thinks about you or what you do. That’s the whole point not conforming to society’s expectations of what it mean to be a man(a slave in the matrix). Did you even read it instead of jumping to conclusions? This article is just a snipped of his book.


The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713/ref=nodl_

u/quantum-freedom · 1 pointr/NevilleGoddard

I read this book, which helped.

u/thegarbz · 1 pointr/oculus

No I am not defending them for it. The damn publisher and distributor absolutely should get flak for it. The problem is venting in the wrong forum makes the other forum which has a completely different purpose useless.

You're allowed to be excited for things just fine. Just don't complain that something is incredibly busy, don't complain that you had to line up for Tacos because they didn't have 1 staff member per person, don't complain about the Cinema because they dared only have 40 seats and you were number 41 in line.
And expect to be outright mocked for prioritising Tacos and a movie release over actual important things in life. Remember the first comment I replied to "Some people take off work for a release" and I stand by my comment that those people who make poor life prioritisation choices in an industry known for launch issues deserve what they get for their impatience. By all means you do you. But if you proceed to review bomb a game, or start complaining that you put off something important for it. I 100% stand by my comment.

My life is not generally exciting, though admittedly in this particular case I'm on vacation. However if I weren't I probably would have downloaded and bought the game on release day. What I would have experienced is problems, and after a quick forum look noticed that it's a general problem and then gone about doing something else while they get resolved.

If you think the choices are between getting mad to the point of review bombing, and giving up on life and never ever doing anything new, then may I suggest something you can do to learn a happy and far more sane middle ground: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713

u/citadel712 · 1 pointr/LifeProTips

https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713/

This book is pretty good. It's not exactly as the title says it is but it has some entertaining and insightful conversation that may apply to you if you are too hard on yourself.

u/questionsnanswers · 1 pointr/dbtselfhelp

I'm sorry to hear that you had a bad evening and that you felt the way you did. Certainly those are difficult emotions to deal with, and can cause a lot of problems.

I applaud your choice of giving the situation some distance and looking for some help. It's great that you recognized and were mindful of your situation. Not everyone can identify and express what they are feeling and why, so good job you for knowing yourself.

So lets go thru what you said, and I'll try to give you a different perspective.

"When i tried to sing, she sang over me with her improv and everyone just played &amp; laughed a long with her."

I think a lot of people would feel invalidated if someone else monopolized the room. Especially if they were trying to contribute and share. Did you ever try to actually speak with her directly, or to the room in general, and say, 'Hey, I'm trying to sing here too, could you not sing over me? I'd like a chance as well." (check out DEARMAN in order to communicate what you want/need) Now I understand that social anxiety can block you from addressing this (which would be something you'd have to practice and work on.) It's possible 'robot girl singer' didn't realize that she was doing. People tend to be focused on themselves, their own experiencences and are not always paying attention to others. It's very probable that everyone there had no idea that you felt that way, or if you left abruptly, why you left. You need to communicate your feelings, which I know can be hard. Practice is the only thing that makes this easier.

'I feel like, why don't he just leave me &amp; spend his life jamming with this person who is confident &amp; talent since he's obviously not bothered by my absence any way??"

Again, your fiancee may have no idea why you left if you said nothing to him about how you were feeling and why you were feeling that way. You need to start challenging those automatic negative thoughts about yourself.

Again, I'd like to congratulate you some great things you did.

  1. You recognized that you were having these thoughts about being invalidated, and feeling insecure and jealous. (some people can't do this so, it's great that you did!)

  2. You recognized and thought, "I don't want to burn bridges by making a scene." (again, great job here, because you were mindful to recognize, 'Hey, I might be acting impulsively and these feelings aren't going to last forever.")

  3. You took action. You removed yourself and then you looked for help. You were skillful and engaging in self care.

  4. You followed through. You took a break, wrote it all out on your phone, distracted and calmed yourself down.

    All of these are positive things that YOU did. You obviously have some negative feelings about yourself, and you need to start challenging those. You must have some great qualities. Try to think about what those great qualities are and own them. Sure, other people may be better at some things but that doesn't mean that what you bring to the table is worthless. Practice some self compassion and self love.

    A friend of mine who struggles with social anxiety, found this book to be helpful, you may too! (your mileage may vary!)

    The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life The author, Mark Manson, also has a website with some articles as well.

    You may also find these links about overcoming jealousy helpful.

    And remember, for any change to work, you need to work it. It will take time and practice for you to change those thoughts and beliefs.

    -hugs- take good care!

    *edit - grammar - spelling (it's monday)
u/c14kaa · 1 pointr/Gunners

Just remembered your post on Friday but didn’t have time to respond. Check out thisbook or better, audiobook .

Also have a read/audiobook of this and find out what works for you.

Audible usually have a trial period, should be easy to set up.

It’s not a good place where you are and may take time to get out but worth the effort.

Mind needs a reset. Good luck.

u/anondasein · 1 pointr/suggestmeabook

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_-gAxybFAKZK90

u/morisqueto · 1 pointr/mexico
u/DarlingBri · 1 pointr/selfpublish

&gt; Thanks for the advice! Any specifics about the cover you don't care for and wouldn't mind to share?

Look, design is a skill the same way writing is a skill. Most people think they can write perfectly OK cover letters or blog articles or whatever, but the results will generally not be as polished and effective as they will after they've been through an experienced, professional editor or put directly into the capable hands of a pro writer.

Same for design. Your cover is readily identifiable as homebrew, which given my original point about credibility, is a mistake. The three colour combo looks like crappy powerpoint, the clipart icons are low-rent and grody, and the font selection is a complete absence of typography. It is better than a lot of DIY but it is transparently DIY. (Contrast with this, which is also very simple but vastly better and more professional. And sold like hotcakes, as well.)

Flood Sick has a better cover on the strength of the type selection alone -- at least it looks like someone made a conscious choice about it, and it is nicely matched to the genre -- and it is probably an absolutely fine cover for the niche.

With this book, though, I do think the cover needs to look like you spent money on the cover for positioning and credibility purposes.

u/TheInkerman · 1 pointr/funny

It's been a while, but the book breaks down the mechanics of being a 'nice guy', in particular the 'transactional' nature of how they view relationships (especially with women), and then helps guys build behaviours that help them end that kind of thinking. If you find yourself thinking "I do all this for my crush/girlfriend/fiance/wife but they don't show interest/affection back", then it's perfect for you.

It's a really good book, but I would say it's only a beginning. I'd follow it up with Models by Mark Manson, and I have The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck on my bookshelf, but haven't opened it yet.

u/DoorknobDumb · 1 pointr/adultery

Here's what you need to do....find some time in your schedule 2 maybe 3 days and go away. Tell your family and friends you need time off and to not come looking for you until a week has passed. Leave your cell phone, leave your computer, leave your iPad, all of it behind. Get in your car and drive far away. Pack a backpack,maybe some fishing gear and drive. Drive you think you've gone far enough.


Once you're there go into the woods or the park or the lake sit and enjoy the view. Talk, actually talk and make conversations with strangers and passerbys. Take in the scenery, go fishing. Just unwind and let your mind wander. Talk to yourself and address your problems. I highly suggest you read this book

u/dumpbox · 1 pointr/socialanxiety

Thanks for sharing. I went through same thing but I decided not to give any fucks &amp; do what I want. I advice you to read books about this subject like this one.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_Ow3UzbRMTPEFP

Meditation helps a lot too. Download app called insight timer which is free or try out calm or headspace.

u/TheSaddestMan420 · 1 pointr/suggestmeabook

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. It is so good and very helpful. It is extremely truthful. Here is the paperback on Amazon.

u/Rustedblayds · 1 pointr/japanlife

Cheers will look into that!

&lt;edit&gt; I definitely need this one!

u/fraschm98 · 1 pointr/Gentoo

If you self harm because people make fun of you, you should probably get help. I can recommend this book.

u/Leaflock · 1 pointr/TwoXChromosomes

I suggest you read this book:

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_GGLPCbKY1PAR4

u/TheGlassStone · 1 pointr/askMRP

There’s a good book I would recommend you read to help with that. It’s called The Subtle Art of Learning To Not Give A Fuck, or something similar to that. I’m not kidding either, that is a real book. Check it out. It will help you much more than NMMNG will. Also, read The Rational Male. That also goes much more in-depth than NMMNG.

Edit: Here it is

u/Jonjonsonsonson · 1 pointr/seduction

What I mentioned a metaphorical friend, somebody that can keep your secrets and won't judge you. I'm sorry that I brought you to that state of mind. How about a sibling or a family member? As soon as you start trying to help people with problems similar to yours, you realize how unfairly judgemental you are towards yourself.

I am in no way qualified to tell you what to do or how you feel, but I have a feeling that you are in a mental rut. Depression often carries with it physical symptoms such as lethargic posture and low energy voice. People can sense that and are put off by it, just as you would avoid a person with a dripping nose and a cough.

It's a cliche but how do you expect people to like/love you if can't have those feeling towards yourself?
I recommend you focus on yourself first before anything else, get some professional help if need be.

The way you replied to my simple question on which dance move it was, it displays to me that you not only have a passion for dancing but that you also put other people ahead of yourself.

If you have the time, I urge you to read This and This

And if you feel like you want to talk, send me a PM. Good vibes &lt;3

u/The_Sloth_Racer · 1 pointr/Braincels

&gt; And found that even in my best shape I was still utterly unattractive to all women and repulsive to most.

If you were jacked, had muscles, were not overweight, and women STILL avoided you, that means it's your personality, not your physical appearance.

&gt; I've been to male therapists as well - if anything, they were even worse.

Why were they worse?

Just because you had bad experiences with certain therapists, doesn't mean they're all like that. It can take a while to find one that you click with. Like I said, I had to see probably 20 different therapists before I found one that I clicked with and that actually helped me.

&gt; Because those suggestions have already been tried. And you dismiss that fact when presented with it, because yeah, you're not here to help - you're here to dispense advice, regardless of how helpful it is.

Every person is not the same. Just because something didn't help you, doesn't mean it won't help others. You also can't say therapy didn't work for you when you haven't tried all the different kinds of therapy or seen specialist therapists. I can promise you that every single 'incel' on your sub has not tried every single suggestion out there so to say that things like DBT therapy won't help others is just complete BS. I also suggested TMS and I bet you haven't tried it and most incels haven't tried it so you can't discount things you haven't even tried. To act like there's no hope or treatment for incels is just wrong and sends the wrong message to other 'incels' out there.

&gt; This is the loop of advice you're presenting to incels. It's neither helpful nor supportive.

Telling people they should try different things to try to get better IS helpful and supportive. Telling people that they're ugly and they'll be alone forever is NOT helpful or supportive and that's what many incels say.

&gt; You get pissed either way.

I'm not pissed but many people do get pissed when they try to offer support and help and get told they don't know anything because they're 'normies' or get attacked.

&gt; Incels are hostile to your kind exactly because they have extensive experience with your advice - they know your advice doesn't work and they know you turn hostile the moment your advice is rejected.

First, stop trying to separate yourself from others. Don't say "your kind," we're all people. By acting like you're different, you separate yourself even more and just get more depressed which is a vicious cycle.

Have you ever heard the saying "fake it 'til you make it"? It would apply to incels as well. Pretend like you're a normal dude that is open for love and eventually you will be.

I suggested DBT therapy and TMS, neither of which have been tried by the majority of 'incels' on here so you can't say things don't work when you haven't tried them. You also can't say things don't work when you have no idea how another person will respond to the treatment. The vast majority of people have never even heard of TMS because it's a relatively new treatment that hasn't even been around for 10 years and is just starting to be available across the US and the world. ECT may be helpful if nothing else works. Stop dismissing treatments that you've never tried.

&gt; Basically, they know you're terrible people who pretend to want to help but instead are just here to abuse and troll. If you act like an abusive person, you're going to be treated like one.

Yeah, OK, we're terrible people for trying to help you. /s Do you realize how hypocritical you sound by judging everyone like that when you don't want to be judged yourself? I can promise you, I'm not a terrible person. I have a problem caring too much most times and that's the only reason I even came here in the first place. Making a stupid statement like saying everyone that's not an incel is a terrible person is not only wrong but it just continues to keep you separated. I also haven't been abusive to anyone on here so that's another false statement. Have you ever thought that maybe other people aren't the problem?

&gt; Find instances of DBT benefiting incels in some way directly related to their incelhood.

How exactly would I find that when most people have no idea what an incel is? 'Incel' is not a well-known term so how would there be scientific data to show that therapy helps incels? There is plenty of data showing therapy helps people with a variety of issues, especially with depression, which is what most incels have. Maybe CBT (talk therapy) didn't work for you but it could help others and other types of therapy like DBT could even be more beneficial than CBT. I also mentioned trying TMS which helps to "rewire" the brain and you haven't tried that either so you can't discount it. ECT could be tried if nothing else has worked.

&gt; This is a big problem with people like you.

Again, you're alienating yourself. You're also being a hypocrite. You say you want to be treated like everyone else but when you act like that and tell us we're different and we're "terrible people", you just make it worse for yourself and alienate yourself further.

&gt; When someone tries to engage you in conversation and maybe ACTUALLY work out some solutions that might help incels

What solutions do you have? I'm not trying to be sarcastic, I actually want to know.

All I see on your sub is 'incels' being hopeless and thinking they'll be single for the rest of their lives and they start to hate women and the entire world. Many blast women as 'sluts' and act like women are less than men. Many say they want to kill or hurt 'normies.' The anger towards women and society just makes your situation worse and makes it less likely to ever find love.

&gt; instead of doing your part in the conversation you treat it like a shouting contest - instead of arguing your points, you simply restate in more words, which really is the internet equivalent of trying to shout as loud as you can.

I'm not shouting about anything. I was trying to offer suggestions to possibly help.

&gt; You're not going to convince or help anyone that way, so if either is your goal, you need to reconsider your approach.

I guess I was just stupid to think you wanted help. You can't help people that won't help themselves. If you wanted help and wanted to change, you would be willing to try different things and not just give up on life/love and say nothing works.

If I had thought like you did, I would have committed suicide a long time ago. I have suffered from severe depression and other mental health issues and it took me a while but I finally started to get better. I had to try different things for years and see countless doctors and finally started to get help and get better.

This is the bad attitude that I was talking about before. People don't want to be around negative people so as long as you have that negative attitude and act like you're separate from everyone else, you'll only attract other negative people. No one wants a friend that's so depressed all the time and thinks they can't change. Get some help so you can change your attitude and you'll start attracting positive people.

EDIT: I found this page from a book called 'The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life' by Mark Manson and I think it may help you and other 'incels' and just about anyone who is depressed or anxious. You (and every other incel) should read the book. You can download it and read for free online or in .PDF, .epub, or .mobi format here or you can find it on Amazon here. You should also check out the author, Mark Manson's website.

u/DelMontePython · 1 pointr/LifeProTips

Check this book out. It's a fun read with good advice.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck

u/Adem87 · 1 pointr/MGTOW

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.de/dp/0062641549/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_AonGAb5P4NTJH

u/CyrilMnx · 1 pointr/france

Une petite lecture pour relativiser l'importance du travail :
https://www.amazon.fr/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062641549

u/yourownlighthouse · 1 pointr/UBC

By reading this book called "The Subtle Art of not Giving a Fuck"

Edit: I got down votes. ahaha, it's actually a really good book talks about acceptance of failure in a hilarious way. It was recommended by my counsellor. I'd give it a shot because the premise of the book is to look at 'failure' as just adversity and finding, albeit, counterintuitive acceptance of this said 'failure' and how to deal with and move forward in a productive and healthier way.

u/simoncherian · 1 pointr/india
u/frayedczar · 1 pointr/AskMen
u/AbhiTan · 1 pointr/Anxiety

I suggest you read this book - The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.

u/redrunner · 1 pointr/xxfitness

I went cold turkey myself, even though it sucked. Eat an apple or banana when you get a craving.
If you read at all, this book called "Willpower" is pretty enlightening about how self-control works and the things that can affect your ability to stay strong on your goals. It's more of a readable book on psych research than it is a self-help book, but it has info about willpower that helped me rethink my decisions.

u/Vuddah · 1 pointr/theXeffect

Highly recommend the book Willpower. They have a great chapter talking about ol Ben.

u/rogueman999 · 1 pointr/TheRedPill

It's been a few years, so I don't trust my memory. I do remembered vividly that it painted a rather bleak version of the future.

Baumeister is a damn genious btw (plus I love his no-bullshit writing style). There are at least a couple of other books relevant to TRP:

http://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human-Strength/dp/0143122231

http://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Hearts-Unrequited-Emotions-Behavior/dp/0898621526

Willpower is coauthored with a journalist - I think the same guy who wrote the nytimes article you linked to - so I found the style a bit less fun. The content is still worth it, though.

u/Overcast30 · 1 pointr/NoFap

Read this. When I used to do NoFap, I would open pornhub and not even touch my dick just to test my willpower. Afterwards I could go to the gym because I had so much sexual energy that was pent up.

u/JimmieJ209 · 1 pointr/NoFap

Fantastic post. Your concept of “gas” has actually been written about in great detail by one of my all time favorite books.

https://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human-Strength/dp/0143122231

The premise is that “willpower” is a muscle that can be strengthened and also depleted by “life”

You only have so much willpower each day. Eating certain foods can replenish willpower, sort of like refueling a gas tank.

Concepts such as “autopilot” are discussed in great detail.

A main point that I particularly related to was how to utilize willpower efficiently. This is done by using willpower to break bad habits and using it to form new ones. Crafting this habits until they feel natural.

AKA replacing pornography with healthy activities such as basketball.

A highly recommend this book to everyone here who is straining their willpower by pursuing no fap. If anyone has read it, please chime in with some of your favorite parts of the book.

Good luck boys!

u/transdermalcelebrity · 1 pointr/suggestmeabook

In addition to Feeling Good (already recommended), I'd also like to suggest Good Mood by Julian Simon. Also, you might find Willpower enlightening. It's got some eye openers about all the crap that has to go on for us to get things done consistently. At the very least it will give you perspective on the biomechanics of it all.

u/MMM360 · 1 pointr/Fitness

Brett,

Congrats. You've made an amazing first step in the right direction. Change is a road, and the only thing that matters is that you keep making progress toward your goal destination, no matter how small.

People in this thread have given you great advice on what changes to make, and I'm sure this has gotten you thinking about the idea of making choices. All of this will be helpful as you start identifying the ways you want to improve your lifestyle.

I'm a behavior designer: I design programs and services that help people change behavior, and what I'd like to offer is something slightly different. I think one of your biggest priorities should be how you think about change. Or rather, if choices and changes are the "what", what I want to talk to you about is the "how". Change is hard, and you're going to need an army of "how" on your side.

Willpower (aka, the ability to choose the "what" in the moment) is a fickle thing, it tends to dwindle as we move through our day, making it extremely easy to fall back into old habits. The good news is that there are ways we hack our tendency to self-sabotage. Here are some things you can do to tackle the "how", to make sure the changes you're trying to make ultimately stick and succeed.

  1. SMALL &gt; BIG : As you start to make changes to your lifestyle, you should be looking for things that are small enough that you can do them consistently. They should find a place in your daily routine where they can thrive. Unfortunately, our natural tendency as humans is to take on changes that are big and ultimately unsustainable. Let's use exercise as an example. When we're trying to change, we have a tendency to create an aggressive exercise program that matches our motivation at the moment (like trying to do a 2 hour gym routine). But we burn out: a two hour gym routine isn't sustainable when we're sick, tired, or just not feeling it. Truthfully, the changes that make the greatest impact are the small ones that happen consistently over time. The changes we can sustain, even on or worst days. Keeping with the exercise example, my recommendation is to do something simple, like going for a 30 minute walk, every day before breakfast. Designing and playing the long game is true discipline. Your daily behaviors are the glacier that create the grand canyon of your life! Take them seriously!

  2. HOW &gt; WHAT: After you identify changes you want to make, the next question you should ask yourself is "how am I going to make that happen". You want to drink less soda? Make a plan. Stock the shelves with tea and sparking water, carry a water bottle with you to resist temptation, etc... Plans help us by using foresight to make our goals EASIER to pursue in future situations.

  3. REDESIGN YOUR HABITAT to REDESIGN YOUR LIFE: The things we have around us serve as visual triggers for certain behaviors. Having our work out on our desk reminds us we need to get it done, having our running shoes by the door reminds us to go for a walk, having a bowl of candy out triggers a sugar craving, etc... Think about adding more positive triggers and eliminating negative ones. One of your goals should be to have an environment that illustrates your best self, and helps you accomplish your goals.

  4. SUCCESS REQUIRES SUPPORT: Weight watchers built a company around this idea. While you don't need to pay your way through a group weight loss program, you should be thinking about friends and family who can help you accomplish your goals. There are two parts to this: one is having someone who can keep you accountable, like doing a weekly weigh-in with a family member. This helps you stay committed on days when you're not feeling like doing the work. Second is having someone who shares a goal with you. If you can find a friend who's also interested in getting active and making healthier choices, it can be a powerful way to stay motivated and on track. No one should have to go it alone, and most people have health-goals they don't readily talk about. Keep your eyes peeled for people around you who can fill a "coach" and "teammate" role in your journey to change.

  5. LEARN FROM YOUR BAD DAYS: Let's get real for a moment. You're going to have bad days. You may even have bad weeks. I bet you'll have a bad month. I sure have. The biggest gift we can offer ourselves is to learn from these mistakes, because they will happen. Spent a weekend in the basement playing video games eating junk food? Take it apart. How were you feeling? Were you tired? Depressed? Frustrated? Ask yourself hat triggered that behavior. Would there have been a more productive way to self-soothe as a response? Was there a point where someone or something could've intervened? Was there a less damaging version of that event that could've taken place (say eating healthy snacks but still being a basement vampire)? The best thing we can do when this happens is to forgive ourselves, and pay it forward: developing a plan to make our future selves more successful when that situation presents itself again.

    If you get into this idea, there's a ton of great resources out there to help you learn more about the "how. Try BJ Fogg's Tiny Habits, read "Willpower" and "The Power of Habit". Take a look at The Gospel of /u/Ryans01 - a reddit post on change that's better than what I read from most behavioral scientists out there.

    Finally, remember to stay positive, and know there's an army out here who's proud of you and ready to help in whatever way we can!
u/duffstoic · 1 pointr/Fitness

Yea, there have been willpower studies where just asking people to notice and correct their posture during the day spills over positively into other areas of life as well. See Willpower: Rediscovering Our Greatest Strength.

u/tedstevens1923 · 1 pointr/getdisciplined

At one point, I was coasting through college smoking weed all day and then dropped out, the problem was I've never been motivated by what I'm supposed to do, I'm wasn't competitive in a sports kind of way and don't care what most people think.

I think what happened was I started deciding my own goals, ones that were challenging and exciting. I finished college because it lead to things that I wanted, started working out because it gave me more energy to work on the things I wanted to do.

At the moment I keep work out, eat right, I'm doing something every evening, moving closer to my goals. Basicly I have an idea of the person I want to be (physically fix, dapper, speak 6 languages, rock the dance floor, rock climb ect) and the life I want and that makes my want to get organised. I actually have a binder, like a business plan for this whole year. I'm working on buying a house that I'm going to completely rebuild the inside of, I'm learning a language, getting to my fitness goals.

Have you ever had one of those days where you kick you're todo lists ass, I'm kind of addicted to that feeling, when I think of my goals I literally salivate. I think some people make their goals too realistic and they don't inspire them.

I also treat every change as an experiment, I get I realised I needed to get my shit together at about 22, I'm now 33. So it's taken about 10,11 years of chipping away. Change something, if it doesn't work, if you can't stick to it. Don't say to yourself "I'm shit", just say that experiment didn't work. For instance I stopped going to the gym after work, I felt tired, lazy I just wanted to go home. I started eating some nuts at 5PM and I feel great after work. Don't expect to have infinite willpower. You need to think of yourself as your own dog trainer sometimes.

I highly recommend these two books.

http://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human-Strength/dp/0143122231

http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Habit-What-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2/182-0445914-9670343?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;refRID=02FAB5J7JGC01BG1M677

u/mattkaramazov · 1 pointr/getdisciplined

I think it's pretty universal. Most people struggle with SOMETHING. I could never fight past the feeling of being tired all the time. I was trying to run a business and do all this non-profit stuff, but I also needed to keep 3 jobs to pay all my bills (business wasn't exactly booming!).

I think trying to change everything at once is a mistake. I turned myself around (that is to say, am still turning myself around) by getting very focused on what I'm doing in the moment, and always working off my long term plan.

There are a TON of awesome books out there too. I see a great one was already recommended but I'll second that:

http://www.amazon.com/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human-Strength/dp/0143122231

u/SuavePadawan · 1 pointr/GetSuave


This book is a good start.

See the like-minded sub on the sidebar, especially /r/Getdisciplined

u/jacquesnorris · 1 pointr/getdisciplined

Read this book on willpower and self-control: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0143122231/ref=mp_s_a_1_8?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1467663807&amp;amp;sr=8-8&amp;amp;pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&amp;amp;keywords=self+control&amp;amp;dpPl=1&amp;amp;dpID=51x4I7%2BlBGL&amp;amp;ref=plSrch

It's great and has helped me. One interesting detail is that discipline in one area of life (say, you start to get out of bed early) tends to have a spillover effect in others (you'll find that your self-control with, for example, your diet improves too). So start small and go from there.

u/camonz · 1 pointr/pics

actually… While the concept of 'weak mind asking for attention' is certainly a falacy you should read this The Happiness Advantage. Here's a video presentation of the book

u/4Nuts · 1 pointr/BettermentBookClub



&gt;Don’t Try
Don’t try to achieve this more and more mentality society tells you to do

  • isn't hope, the interest to have more a motivation for life?
    If you don't want more, you are losing interest out of life; you are mentally dead. Wanting more is normal and natural.

    &gt;Happiness is the problem
    &gt;Find something worth struggling for, not what makes you happy

    The science is clear: happiness helps to achieve; to be more productive. You can check out the happiness advantage (https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Advantage-Principles-Psychology-Performance/dp/0307591549) if you think happiness is irrelevant. Indeed, the happiness of an individual is a predictor of his success in many aspects of his/her life.

    &gt;You are not special
    &gt;The first step for meaningful self-improvement is admitting you’re normal

    Well, unless I am a narcissist, I admit that some part of me is normal; and some part of me is specific to myself. Isn't it a biological reality that every individual is unique to some degree (specific DNA)? how about people are not normal? What if I have a lower IQ than the regular people, am I supposed to consider myself as "normal"?
    This is a stupid generalized advice without considering the reality about each individual.



    This is fucking childish book. I don't want to waste my time pointing out every fucking flawed advise (claim).
u/lucasandrew · 1 pointr/DecidingToBeBetter

I would recommend The Happiness Advantage. Still one of the best books I've read and really helped me, specifically for putting my problems in perspective.

u/Macromancer11235 · 1 pointr/GetMotivated

Yes and no, to those hypothetical scenarios, as hypothetically, everything is possible, impossible, true, and not true, so I'm sorry I ever used an allegory-example. :p
But you've clearly misunderstood everything I've said (which is probably my fault); especially that part about a goal; there really is no goal. Though, a point of life-retirement usually comes naturally with older age and/or much experience, and so a dying passion for life; unless one is severely unhappy, though I, of course, can't speak for everyone. How could one truly be uninterested in life without experiencing much of it? Let me put some more emphasis on the word truly.

Again, the word "success" is very subjective; I guess my definition of "success" is synonymous with "happiness", which is a means, not a goal; goals are illusions. Studies have shown that when we're happy, we naturally expand ourselves, and so those around us who's willing. If we're not, then we won't, and create a (illusory) comfort zone and (illusory) ego.

PLEASE just check out some basic Neuroplasticity and at least a synopsis of the book "The Happiness Advantage", and re-read my posts. :)

Book: http://www.amazon.com/The-Happiness-Advantage-Principles-Performance/dp/0307591549
Neuroplasticity: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuroplasticity
Relevant article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/use-your-mind-change-your-brain/201305/is-your-brain-meditation

u/nafai · 1 pointr/selfhelp

I'm in the middle of reading The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor which has been my first exposure to Positive Psychology and I feel like he has done a great job of introducing the topic. He does reference other leaders in the field, so I'm going to try to use it as a jumping off point to other resources.

u/JeepGuide · 1 pointr/AskProgramming

Since you brought up wellness, I'll also suggest looking into the Happiness Advantage. "Your brain at positive performs significantly better than at negative, neutral, or stressed." TED talk: http://on.ted.com/Achor (I recommend watching the entire thing, but specifically start at 9:15 if you're stretched on time). One of Shawn Achor's books:
http://amzn.com/0307591549

u/BravoFoxtrotDelta · 1 pointr/Christianity

Ha, do your thing man. I'm only a few years older, so I've not got the wisdom of the ages, but I can share a bit from our experience. I'm sorry he's been behaving as a jerk. My wife's folks have ranged from mildly supportive of our marriage at times, to generally negative mostly, to downright subversive at others. It sucks, but after 6 years I think we're sloooowly winning them over.

Told my wife about yall, here's a few points of advice that we think would really benefit you both if you choose to move forward with marriage:

  • You're going to be starting a new family, and in the beginning it will have only two members. While you'll have strong connections to your former families, and you'll bring a great deal of the respective cultures of those families into your new one, you're not melding two larger families together into one (as others have suggested). The latter idea is a nice one, but is way beyond your capacity as a couple, and would be highly unlikely to succeed. How well your former families mesh is up to them, and the only thing you can really control is the boundaries you establish around your own new family - your ability to influence them is not assured.
  • seek premarital counseling, make sure that among topics like finances, sex, children, careers, etc., your dynamic with your extended families is also explored. It's one that will likely affect you for the next 20 years or so.
  • Read Boundaries in Marriage, by Henry Butt &amp; John Townsend. Speaks directly to the kinds of issues you're having and will face. Additionally, the original Boundaries is likewise good, though more broadly applicable to life not just marriage.
  • Knock your debt out within the first year of marriage. With two full time incomes, this should be a cakewalk - the only downside is you live modestly for a year, and that's not a bad thing at all. I highly recommend Dave Ramsey's Baby Steps plan - its a simple road map for getting out of debt, saving for goals (home-buying, newer cars, etc.), and building a stable future that takes all of the worry and guesswork out of money. My wife and I DID NOT follow this when we started out, and instead got pregnant quickly and have been digging ourselves out slowly ever since.
  • Seek a mentoring couple, older than you, whose marriage your really respect and admire. Look for folks who have the kind of dynamic, kids, achievements, etc. that you desire. As far as possible, emulate them.

    Exciting time in life to be at dude! Lots of adventure ahead!

    One further thought, this one a bit dark, apologies. How attached to her family is your girlfriend? Would she be able to make a clean break from them if that's what it took for the two of you to have a healthy marriage (not saying it is necessarily at all, but it is a possibility)? We've seen a few young marriages implode when fights got ugly and one spouse or the other ran home to mom&amp;dad instead of working it out.
u/what_34 · 1 pointr/Advice

Like someone said, you are incredibly self aware and mature in many ways it seems.


I'm 32 and people my age and older are not as self aware as you are... they are the most difficult people to try to assist and also I think it will be a much tougher road to self-improvement for them. The road will be tougher because they can't even read their own minds, spirits, bodies... they can't read the signs that are coming from.. themselves... they're at a great disadvantage.


Feel confident that you care and have goals.



Feel confident that you are MANY steps ahead of others and are going places.



Keep getting your hands on self help books/podcasts in certain topics of your choice and continue on the road to self improvement.


Find people/friends/mentors in your life who appreciate YOU for YOU. Who are better than you, too, so you can grow. We literally become like the people we surround ourselves, in time. The pathways in our brain form similar paths to the people we are with. Find people who make you want to be better and who want to see you achieve.



I stopped caring about what people thought when I realized that I'm a bit more put together than many.



I stopped caring when I realized that I try my best and there is nothing more than that, that I can really do.


Learning about "Boundaries" has really helped me.


I can only control MY actions, I can't control other people's actions...


Example:If someone says something to me that rubs me wrong, the best way to manage that moment is to let it go/forgive them/carry it no-longer with me. Because, why would I? I was doing my best in the moment and that's all I can do. When I make a mistake, I can say I'm sorry, learn from it, and do better next time.


I hope this helps!

u/rawrsauce · 1 pointr/sex

You're an adult. There's no reason your parents need to "take a peek" now and then. Establish boundaries and live an independent life! This is a really good book in how to do that. Reddit is here to help with moral support if you ever need it.

u/waffle_ninja · 1 pointr/BabyBumps

I had to go onto anxiety drugs because of my family. My PCM at the time recommend a book Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life It helped to get me started in setting bounderies and eventually, I didn't need the medication any more.

I will warn, I haven't read the book in a while, but it does have some religious undertones in it.

u/kumachaaan · 1 pointr/relationships

I've been where you are. I feel your pain. My counselor recommended this book to me and it sounds like you could use it too:

Boundaries by Henry Cloud

u/ps2k · 1 pointr/TwoXChromosomes

This is a great book to let you know that it is ok to cut people off who are harmful to your family. Highly recommended. Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1416338916&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=boundaries

u/bryxy · 1 pointr/psychotherapy

http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1458092696&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=boundaries

I like this one a lot- use it regularly. It is written from a Christian perspective; however, I think it's worth the read even if one doesn't identify with that faith.

u/EatSleepWork · 1 pointr/selfimprovement

Hey the comments in this thread are really good, if I could make a suggestion a really good book you may want to read is When I Say No I Feel Guilty it gives a lot of tools to assert yourself. Another great book is Boundaries by Cloud Townsend, it uses a lot of Bible references, which may or may not be helpful to you, but nevertheless the content is really good.

u/jrg1610 · 1 pointr/infp

Granted it was written from a Christian/spiritual perspective, this book was very helpful to me and has great insights into how having boundaries in your life can protect/build your emotional wellness.

https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1498238099&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=boundaries

I still think that any person, regardless of their belief system, will be able to glean useful principles from what is written in it.

My thoughts and experiences

I discovered that I used to be overly compliant for fear of controlling unpleasant emotions in other people's lives (whether or not the emotion is directed at me or not). Although it appears charitable, being overly compliant is just as much a form of controlling people's emotions for things that they should be responsible for. A part of stopping the over-compliance is by being okay with seeing people suffer the consequences of their actions even though you are ideally able to alleviate their pain.

While having loose boundaries makes you effective at putting out short-term fires in other people's lives, what happens is that your emotional well-being smolders from being exposed to so many fires and you begin to get emotional "burns" over time. It is certain useful in the short-term, but damaging and unsustainable for an individual in the long-term.

As far as I know, this kind of behavior is difficult to troubleshoot for an INFP because their compliance is a natural emergent from the wonderful care an INFP can have for other human beings. It's basically learning to learn to turn off a part of you by realizing that standing up for yourself does not always spell the end of relationships, and it is necessary in the care of self. In fact, it works as a great filtering mechanism for keeping unwanted people out of your life because healthy people will still stick around and respect your differences and the manipulative people will leave when they realize they can't control you.

I think one of the most useful ways for an INFP to look at the conflicts that emerge from setting boundaries and limits on others is that conflict can be used as an opportunity for self-expression. It shows where one person ends and you begin, and an INFP should generally be excited for any opportunity for self-expression (lol!).

The personalityhacker podcast has recently had some interesting information on setting boundaries, an I'm sure most of the information I've shared has been from my experiences of considering the advice I've heard on that podcast and the book I linked before. I still have a lot more work to do, too.

This is the podcast:
http://www.personalityhacker.com/podcast-episode-0177-setting-healthy-boundaries-with-merja-sumiloff/

You seem to be an ENTJ who is doing a good job at being yourself—you understand the end-result of a behavior and that is a good enough reason for you to establish boundaries without a care otherwise. Your INFP friend, however, needs to have the reason for a change in their behavior build from the bottom-up, from an authentic place. It's not as effective of a process at yours is, but it'll bring a lot of health into other areas of their lives in processing it in the way an INFP needs to. So thank you for looking out for your friend and seeking out help on their behalf.

u/mingus_chan · 1 pointr/NarcissisticAbuse

My therapist recommended this Boundaries book (can get it on amazon pretty cheap) and it has been a really good read. They have expansions such as Boundaries in marriage, family and kids. I needed this after I was discarded and still would let my nex and his flying monkeys push my boundaries. boundaries book

u/Mrwhitepantz · 1 pointr/AskMen

I'm going to go a little against the grain here and suggest that you do actually involve your parents in this decision to move out. The caveat, however, is that you do not let them make decisions for you or try to convince them that you're ready to move out. Are you or your parents christians OP? If so, you and your parents absolutely, 100% need to read Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud. If not, the book has a lot of bible quotes and speaking about what god and jesus say about your relationship with others, but it's still a good resource for what you're about to do if you can struggle through that.

Next, you're going to make a plan and a budget. I'm going to lay something out here that assumes you are 100% reliant on your parents for everything at the moment, you'll need to adjust it to your situation.

  • Find an apartment. Not a house, an apartment. A duplex is okay, a room in another house alright too, but you do not need to buy a house right now, you're renting. They're probably going to ask you for a key, do not give them one. They will not respect your boundaries and you do not need your mother showing up unannounced while you've got friends over and then telling you that your place is a mess.

  • Assuming you get an aparment, find out what the utilties will look like. A lot of them require a down payment if you have no credit, find out how much it will be. This includes electricity and water/garbage if it's not included in your rent.

  • Food is the next thing to look at. It's probably difficult for you to judge how much food you're actually going to need each month right now, since you're not buying it. This is not going out to eat at a restaraunt money or ordering take-out money, this is grocery shopping money. Figure out what seems reasonable and write it down.

  • Figure out your transportation. Walking? Bus? Bike? Car? if you buy a car, pay for it in cash and if it's your first car, don't spend more than a month or two of your monthly take-home pay on it. Also, get some insurance quotes and figure out how much it's going to cost you to run the car. Typically, a higher deductible means a lower monthly cost, but you'll need to have an emergency fund for it.

  • Phone and internet are the next order of business. A lot of apartments only have one option for internet coverage, find out how much it's going to cost to you. If you're on your parents' phone plan, find out what it's going to take to get off of it, and then do it. If you're financially minded, you probably realize that it doesn't make much sense to get off of their plan vs just paying them for your portion, but this isn't about the money, it's about independence, and every way you rely on them is another way they have to control your life.

  • Finally, make list of everything you're going to need in a new apartment. Pots and pans, baking sheets, toilet plunger, toilet paper, laundry detergent, dishwasher detergent, plates, cups, bowls, silverware, etc. Goodwill is a great place to get a lot of this stuff.

    Once you've got all of this written down, with a budget showing your expenses and income and how you're going to pay for things and you've found the apartment you want and everything, sit down with them and have a talk. This isn't a talk where you ask permission, this isn't a talk where you listen to their complaints or excuses, this is a talk where you tell them what you've planned and what you're going to do.

    If they try to interrupt, which they will, tell them that you'll listen to their suggestions, not complaints, at the end; and do listen to them if they aren't just complaining and making excuses, because they're older than you and they had to leave home at some point and they have experience in the matter. Now you've asserted that you are capable of making your own decisions, and you need to stand by that, with luck, your parent's will see that you are ready to move out and you can get on with your day. If not, then you're just going to have to accept that your boundaries upset them, and that's okay because you've never set boundaries with them before, and these are the growing pains.
u/tyronnebiggums_1 · 1 pointr/AmItheAsshole

Kick her ass out. It's your house, and you have every right to say who can and cannot stay in your home. Additionally, I feel like you need to set clear boundaries with your sister, for some reason she feels like she has the power to tell you what to do in your house. I recommend this book, it deals with boundaries around family relationships: https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454, best of luck friend.

u/justadude27 · 1 pointr/insaneparents
u/w32015 · 1 pointr/personalfinance

You and your wife should read a book called Boundaries. It's required reading for everybody imo, but especially newly married couples who are struggling with over-involved/intrusive parents. What your FIL is asking for is completely and utterly out of bounds, and you would be taking on enormous personal/familial risk and stress if you agreed.

u/SG1971 · 1 pointr/personalfinance

Now that you're married (congrats) you need to focus on yourselves more so than ever... may I suggest a book "Boundaries" http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454 that you both read and discuss as to know how and when to help those around you

u/mctavish_ · 1 pointr/cscareerquestions

Regardless of how this gets resolved, you've got a good opportunity here:

  1. Do your best to get emotional distance from the attacks and try to understand her perspective.
    1. She may be under a lot of pressure working with so many direct reports. Off-shore teams are tough to manage, local teams are hard to manage, and doing both would even be worse. Sounds like she's got a lot going on.
    2. She might have other things going on, in her personal life, that are complicating a heavy workload.
    3. She might be relatively new to leadership and doesn't have solid support for her own development.
    4. She's never been coached on the difference between behavior and competency ( https://peopleleaders.com.au/above-or-below-the-line/ ). So while she may be competent, maybe her behaviors could use some improvement.
  2. Based on what you think is most likely to be the core issue, determine how you can behave to best be a professional and constructive team member.
    1. Maybe it is best for you to move on to a different company. Maybe it is best for you to coordinate with her boss to get some leadership responsibilities to help alleviate her stress levels. Maybe having a boundary setting conversation is necessary ( https://www.amazon.com.au/Boundaries-When-Say-Yes-How/dp/0310247454 ). Maybe you could switch teams - it sounds like you might need some progression anyways.
u/nannymegan · 1 pointr/AskWomen

I worked through this book and the accompanying workbook. It is written from a Christian standpoint so it may not be something of interest. It helped me see where and why I lacked boundaries as well as how to establish them. I had read the book before but doing the workbook along side of it was HARD and what actually helped me make a change. Then you just have to keep believing that the work you are doing for yourself is important. That you are important. That their hurt feelings and dislike of your boundaries is exactly WHY you need to put them in place.

It does get easier as time goes on bc you’ve seen the benefit of establishing and maintaining them!

u/opsomath · 1 pointr/Christianity

I would really, really recommend the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. It's from a Christian perspective and addresses many situations that you actually describe in your post.

u/mafupoo · 1 pointr/infj

Sounds like you have a lot going on. Remember that you cannot make other people do anything. The only thing you have control over is how you act to others and how you deal with things. Even if your family doesn't understand you and takes advantage of you, it is up to you to change things. Being upset or angry will not help at all, it will only make the relationship worse. And I'm sure that you want to eventually have a good relationship with your family! This is a great book to read if you haven't read it. I'm still in the middle of it, but it has helped me learn that setting boundaries or saying no is not necessarily mean or letting people down, but can actually a positive thing if done for the correct reasons.

u/nonailsnodrag · 1 pointr/JUSTNOMIL

I recommend this book to you. It will guide you how to establish boundaries. The more time DH spends with your mom maybe the more he will see what a shit person his own mom is. You can even use yourself as an example. Point out how you parent your own kids and how its not how MIL parented him.

I have a husband that also downplays or brushes off shit his mother does. I just mostly put distance between them and made it so we barely see her.Its the only way for him to have clarity.
https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454

u/extispicy · 1 pointr/Christianity

I'm in the middle of a divorce at the moment, so many of the behaviors you mention hit close to home. What I read in your post and what I'm experiencing myself is not just that this person has failed to recognize that they have done something hurtful, it is that they continue to do it. I don't think it is time for forgiveness yet. To me, forgiveness means that I am going to shelve my hard feelings and allow us both the gift of a fresh start. But how do you offer a fresh start for every single interaction?

I'm going to recommend a book which I hope is the 'everyday' version of a marriage book my therapist recommended called Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No. A concept that really stuck with me was 'You get what you tolerate', which I took to mean that if you allow someone treat you a certain way they take that as permission to continue. My late night advice would be that more than forgiveness, what you need is to start standing up for yourself. I think being able to say, "If you continue to speak to me this way, I'm going to go home early" will do more to heal your relationship than giving them a get out of jail free card.

u/0yeah · 1 pointr/family

Money doesn't create dysfunction. Your family was already dysfunctional. The money stuff is just another arena for the dysfunction to play out.

This is worth talking about with a therapist. Or at least take a read through this book: https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454

u/themamahomie · 1 pointr/self

I would echo the counseling recommendation and also suggest reading the book Boundaires by Cloud and Townsend. It is a REALLY hard thing to do - to set boundaries on your parents. Sometimes it feels infuriating that you, the child, have to be more wise and thoughtful than your parents. But it really will help in establishing a more healthy relationship. Best of luck!

u/4d4 · 1 pointr/exchristian

It's especially funny considering christianity is supposed to be faith based not works based. It's so easy to be ostracized for not doing enough.

I found this book to be literally life changing.

The best part now is not feeling any guilt about not evangelizing.

My apologies for commenting prior to deconversion. However, I enjoy how well your sub identifies and analyzes problems in the church.

u/Geovicsha · 1 pointr/AlanWatts

We can observe our thoughts as they come and go, in the moment, as a same happening as anything else in the external world. By shedding acceptance and self-love on everything that occurs in this moment, they lose their power.

Thought certainly has a purpose in this world, but the key is to not get lost in thought as if it is our identity.

I think before delving into Alan Watts, it would be wise to first check out either Eckhart Tolle or Sam Harris.

x

u/kevando · 1 pointr/mentalhealth

Maybe you are an alien. That would be pretty fucked up though, wouldn't it? To be an alien, but not know. Then again maybe we are all aliens. Or more likely none of us are aliens and this is all a simulation.


Do any of those possibilities change a thing in your life? If you are so privileged, perhaps consider trading places with someone else. You don't have to change names like Eddie Murphy, but maybe it's your "world" of privilege that doesn't suit you.


Buy A New Earth and spend a week traveling on a train while you read it. Come back a new person. Kick that asshole out of your privileged life and enjoy your new outlook on life.

u/oregonchick · 1 pointr/intj

Warning: this might be a bit woo-woo for many INTJs. LOL

I'm wondering how you can strive to alter yourself when you seem to have no real sense of yourself without someone else's definition laid upon you. It might be worth taking the time to acquaint yourself with your Self before you decide a major overhaul is necessary. It's possible that if you know your Self and become more aligned with your Self, you'll actually have an easier, more congruent and fulfilling life and more honest and deeply connected relationships with others.

You might want to take a look at Eckhart Tolle, whose book A New Earth has a lot to do with becoming more conscious of your inner self, and differentiating between your real Self and the voice of your ego... and also the difference between your Self and your thoughts. Yes, he's an Oprah "new thought" guru, but he's also kind of an intellectually weighty geek and his explanations are a bit more complex than some of the other spiritual folks she promotes.

You might also gain some valuable insight through those tried-and-true methods of journaling and meditation. Russell Simmons (of Run DMC) wrote a really straightforward, decently researched, and simple "how-to" book on meditation that you might want to check out if that piques your interest, too.

u/lithiumoh · 1 pointr/AskReddit

Since the object of non-fiction is mostly information or opinion to bring certain views and objectives to light in your mind, it's not as relevant as a fiction tale, but a book was left on a counter for a retail outlet I was working for with a note on the inside cover:

&gt;Dear (name),
&gt;
&gt;I really think you could use this book. I really wish the best for you and you are so caught up in the small things that you can't find happiness. I love you and care for you and it pains me as a mother to see you like this.
&gt;
&gt;With love"


The book was Echkart Tolle's - A New Earth

So, I read the shit out of that book the next two night and it really got me interested in reading a lot more books like it and others on the mind, personality, spirituality, and all that. I also still don't know who the book was for, or if he ever read it and I've always been curious as all heck to know the story behind it. I brought the book back to work and no one came back to claim it.

u/seirianstar · 1 pointr/Advice

Oh wow. As to specific books. Hmm. That's sort of all over the place but each one had something to offer. The ones I remember are:

u/AJRollon · 1 pointr/2meirl4meirl

Please text 741741 crisis text line. You will have someone to talk to in real time over text. There are millions of people who feel like you do. You are not as alone as you think.

Edit: try this book as well. It can make a huge difference. So can similar books. Knowledge is power.

A new Earth

u/AsgarGER · 1 pointr/Meditation

On the subject of ego I can recommend the following book: Eckhart Tolle: A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose.

u/MrG · 1 pointr/Calgary

In addition to everyone's recommendations here, as an additional tool I highly recommend picking up one of Eckhart Tolle's books

This book is not a bunch of "spiritual mumbo jumbo". It contains tons of practical advice that we all can use. If it carries more weight with you, Oprah considers Eckhart's book one of the 10 favorite books from the last decade.

u/frotoe08 · 1 pointr/ask

This book is great for understanding more about yourself. Basically, it is about the ego. There is part describing the workings of the ego and part pointing to the remedy. Essentially it says that everybody's purpose in life is to live in the present moment as much as they can.

u/LamansStick · 1 pointr/exmormon

Have been in the exact same boat and I feel like it took me a lot longer to work through it than most. Also went from being very focused to not being able to focus on anything at all, worried about my job performance, unable to get out of bed on weekends, etc. Prior to my learning that Mormonism was false, I had never experienced a day of depression in my life, but after my world came crashing down it became a long, dark tunnel. Anyway, it's called an existential crisis if you haven't read up on it already. Give it time and keep working on things and I promise it will eventually improve. For what it's worth, these four books were game changers for me (check them out if you're interested:

  • A Confession by Tolstoy. In it, Tolstoy describes how he navigated his own existential crisis. It's a short read and the link takes you to a free downloadable e-book.

  • The Power of Now by Tolle. It provides an excellent approach for developing mindfulness and learning to accept life as it is.

  • Man's Search for Ultimate Meaning by Frankl. This is a heavy read, so if you don't like the first half, just focus on chapters 6, 7, and 8. It covers the intersection of religion and meaning in life.

  • A New Earth by Tolle. Similar to the above "Power of Now." Focuses on being present, overcoming the ego, and accepting and finding peace in life as it's given.

    You may not agree with everything in the books above (I didn't) but they provided me with a lot of invaluable perspective in working through my own loss of faith and the existential vacuum that followed. Stick with it and know that you're not suffering alone! And I promise things will get better.
u/GrowingInGratitude · 1 pointr/Anger

Awesome self-awareness and an important first step toward greater overall peace and contentment. But you probably don't have to look anywhere for happiness, though growth and change are likely to be part of the process. I enjoyed A New Earth and it was a very popular framing of the sort of inner work that goes into overcoming many of our misconceptions about who we are and what's really important. All the best with your process!

u/MyEgoSays · 1 pointr/religion

All religions do their best to point to that which cannot be reduced to words. My own recommendation would be to start with a book that recognizes this truth.

A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose https://www.amazon.com/dp/0452289963/ref=cm_sw_r_awd_O9oZub0JMM215

u/newstart · 1 pointr/AskReddit

Read this book - http://www.amazon.com/New-Earth-Awakening-Purpose-Selection/dp/0452289963/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1249373926&amp;amp;sr=8-1

What you feel is enlightenment. This book will help you guide you along your journey.

u/AlmightyEazel · 1 pointr/Meditation

Absolutely. No human is worthless, and it is only in the dimension of the ego that one can feel good or bad about themselves in light of past happenings.

I recommend you read A new earth by Eckarth Tolle and learn more about the ego - and in that way learning to unidentify with your past actions and the guilt that came with it.

No human is perfect, and it is our flaws that make us beautiful. Really. We've all made mistakes friend, but it is our intention that is important.
Remember all the good things you've done, you're only human.

u/jibbycanoe · 1 pointr/Parenting

I'm glad it was helpful. like I said you are far from alone. I felt like I wanted to throttle my kid many times at that age. but it just takes some perspective. if we were to have a second kid I would look at it totally differently. I mean it would still suck in the moment but I'd have the perspective that I do now; that this is a phase, that the kid doesn't know shit, that it's up to me to know what's wrong and what can fix it, etc.

in terms of the grieving your loss of pre-baby life, it took me waaaaay to long to recognize or even begin to address it. my kid is 3.5 now and I'm still dealing with it, my wife even more so in some ways. look up and study the stages of grief. it may seem weird to think you are grieving something that isn't like your dog dying or some shit, but losing your pre-parent freedom is a HUGE deal that from my experience people don't really address head on. they just sort of accept their new responsibilities and have a lingering resentment for the freedom they lost. better to take a look at it straight on and see where you are at in the process.

in terms of earplugs yea just the spongy disposable kind are fine. that way you have a tub or bag of them you can go to and don't have to worry about finding a particular pair. idk what it is about a baby's/kid's cry/scream but it fucking drives me up the wall like nothing else. I'm guessing it's something evolutionary built into dads to have us respond to our child's needs because it's like a fucking primal thing for me. I mean it raises my blood pressure instantly. it causes my body to respond like I'm in a fight or flight manner. definitely the limbic system at play (side note: if you have struggled with emotions at all in your life check out the book Emotional Intelligence. it will help you understand how all that shit works and allow you some greater control over it through that understanding). the earplugs just help tone things down a bit so you still have that emotional desire to respond but not as much of the "omg stfu you little shit wtf is wrong with you?"

glad to hear you aren't drinking too much. I got pretty far down a hole on that front. it was already a problem for me before I had a kid and having a kid only made it worse. 7 months sober today and between that, working on my mental state, and exercising I feel probably the best I have in my entire life. I mean the daily grind still sucks ass (I also have a job I hate, but at least it pays decent), but now I have the tools to manage in a healthy way.

finding time to do stuff is a real challenge. just make sure you aren't making excuses to yourself or just being plain lazy. sure you may have to get up an hour earlier to hit the gym (that's what I do), but the reward is substantial and something that will far outweigh the cost. if you find yourself saying "I don't have time for that. I don't have the money for ___". seriously consider why you are throwing up road blocks to yourself. it will make you stronger and since you are a dad now the stronger you are the better. women have many struggles they deal with and I'd never discount them, but men do as well and ours IMO rest squarely on our own shoulders. like I mentioned before, look into stoic philosophy/thought. there is a subreddit for it to get you started. trust me on this one. it changed my view completely about how to deal with the obstacles life throws your way. instead of looking at all the problems I have to deal with now as annoyances or just some bullshit, I look at them as opportunities for me to grow and achieve. you may not struggle with this as I did/do, but it's worth looking into.

all in all man, you aren't a bad person or a bad dad. you just don't have the tools yet and that is frustrating as fuck. I mean I remember walking out of the hospital with our newborn and being like "holy shit I have a fucking kid now. shouldn't they have given me like a handbook or some training or some shit before they let us leave with this helpless little shit bag?" nope. it's up to you to figure that out on your own. and you are going to make a TON of mistakes. don't beat yourself up about those. USE them to grow and become a better parent/person. ask, read, try. just be careful taking other parents advice as set in stone. even what I'm saying. I mean give it some thought and try it out but if it doesn't work for you then don't fucking do it. this is just the beginning of a life of responsibility. just realize that you are still in the very early phase. I hardly even remember the first 4 months, let alone the first year of my kids life. it's a sleepless, frustrating, flailing blur. it helps to be aware that there is a light at the end of the tunnel so to say, but also that the tunnel you are in isn't all bad if you shift your view of it. give yourself a pass for what you have done. but don't keep doing it and try and get better. find what works for you. be like a fucking rock as best you can. waves of baby shit and vomit crashing against you and the screams and cries in the air and you are just solid as fuck and can't be defeated in your role as partner/parent. your wife will see it, your kid will instinctively recognize it and it will keep him calm. seriously, babies are like dogs. they can sense your emotional state even if you don't. so if you are fucking stressed and pissed they know it. and you know what? it's going to affect them. like your agitation may be the cause of your kid freaking out. just think about that for a minute. it's like a positive feedback cycle and that kid isn't going to be the one to stop it. you have to. I know you can do it man. being self aware is the first step. find tools that work for you. stop fighting what you can't change and work on what you can change. from one dad to another, I wish you the best and believe you can find the strength within to knock this shit out of the park.

u/zombiemadre · 1 pointr/emotionalintelligence

Just take things slowly. I would personally recommend finding a therapist. Someone who isn’t going to diagnosis you to bill insurance. A therapist doesn’t need a diagnosis to bill but a psychiatrist does. However a psychiatrist can prescribe medication if you need it.
In the mean time there are books I would recommend. Either read them or listen to audiobooks. Whatever books speak to you.
If money is an issue you can always go to the library or use the app Overdrive. Overdrive is a free app linked to your local library.

https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-Matter-More-Than/dp/055338371X[emotional intelligence ](https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-Matter-More-Than/dp/055338371X)

u/rez9 · 1 pointr/AskReddit

Read the book. It has a lot of practical value.

u/EdgeOfDreams · 1 pointr/NoStupidQuestions

A few I've gotten into recently:

https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-Matter-More-Than/dp/055338371X - Emotional Intelligence - it's about the difference between your brain's rational/logical/analytical processing and emotional/intuitive processing, and why they both matter.

https://www.amazon.com/Drive-Surprising-Truth-About-Motivates/dp/B0032COUMC/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1541098584&amp;amp;sr=1-3&amp;amp;keywords=drive - Drive - it's about how motivation works, particularly in the workplace but also in personal life, and how freedom, mastery, and a sense of purpose can motivate people to do greater things than classic rewards and punishments will.

https://drgabormate.com/book/scattered-minds/ - Scattered - it's mostly about ADHD, but it has some really interesting stuff about the psychology of sensitive minds and how they can be damaged by childhood stress. The book focuses mainly on the psychological aspects of ADHD, and less on the medication and how-to-fix-it stuff that the more self-helpy ADHD books talk about.

https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034 - How to Win Friends and Influence People - it's an older book with a weirdly folksy tone to it compared to modern books, but it still has some great advice. It doesn't dive deep into psychology, really. It's mostly about how little changes to how you approach social situations can have big effects on how people feel about you and whether or not they'll listen to what you have to say. For example, people unconsciously feel better when they hear their own name, so it helps to deliberately remember and use the names of people you meet.

u/CastleMaddox · 1 pointr/AMA
u/poorfolkbows · 1 pointr/changemyview

There's a book called Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. According to this book, EQ is more important than IQ because networking and being able to navigate social situations is more important to success in life, including in business, than IQ. That means IQ is not the best thing in the world; EQ is.

u/kpljaskovova · 1 pointr/psychology

agree #16 is maybe the most interesting one - if you want to read more about, this book was pretty inspiring: http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-Matter-More-Than/dp/055338371X

u/jankyshtanker · 1 pointr/IWantToLearn

I used to suffer from this too. For me, I struggled with a lifelong history that told me that I wasn't smart enough to offer the world what I felt deeply I could. Eventually I realized that everyone &amp; everything has some fundamental flaw. This helped to release me from the mental paralysis of thinking that my struggle was something unique. The funny thing is that most people will struggle with this at SOME point in their life. For me, it was from around 20-23 years of age. For my wife, it was from about 28-33. It's different for everyone.

I do recall reading a book in one of my college classes called Emotional Intelligence . If my Swiss cheese memory is accurate, I think that there's a chapter in it which describes "emotional hijacking". This chapter helped me into realizing WHEN &amp; WHAT was triggering my Flight, fright or fight mechanisms. Once I honestly asked WHY and refused an answer which wasn't fact based, I realized that many of my anxieties were driven by things which were 100% theoretical. As time went on, I became more and more disciplined at throwing away or giving minimal weight to what an opinion meant about ME.

e.g. Someone responds to an idea by saying "Great idea, but it'll cost too much".

Old me would have thought "They think the idea was dumb. Is it dumb?"

New me thinks"good point, what variables could be changed to make this cheaper ".

Sorry to drone on, but one last thought which could help boost you when your demons are beating down your self worth...I remember heavily questioning my potential whenever I would run into someone who I knew was clearly smarter than I was. I came to terms with this when it dawned on me...

"They may have been born with the 128 pack of crayons. True, they possess colors like chartreuse &amp; mahogany yet I do not. But I will color the SHIT out of what I can with my 8 pack of crayons. I may have to mix and match my colors more but this will not stop me from creating my masterpiece"!

u/nothingtohide0001 · 1 pointr/relationships

Congratulations, you're human.
I [21M] hit this mid last year and I'm still reeling...

There is plenty of good advice in other comments, but consider that starting down this road might be one of the hardest things you have ever done, but it guaranteed to be one of the most exciting.
Do not be afraid to seek help from others or from professionals.
Remember that there are people like you out there.

Also, this may help bridge the gap between your analytical and emotional processes.

u/mike413 · 1 pointr/AskReddit

Being able to step back and enjoy the human comedy.

Also, a pointer to a fascinating book is "Emotional Intelligence". There's an updated version but I haven't read it.

For example one thing I remember is being able to detect your own emotions as they happen is very powerful.

u/espereo · 1 pointr/socialskills

i am not going to give you a diagnosis because i am in no way qualified to tell you what is up.

but if you feel unconfident, then i guess you should work on that. maybe the problem is your worthiness, it sounds cheesy as shit, but if you believe you aren't worthy to be around women, well you will act as if you are not, and women will see that, and boom! fucking self fulfilling prophecy.


anyway, what worked for me, to gain more self esteem and confidence is a book called the road less traveled i can't recommend this book enough!

it truly is a wonderful book, i felt like it was talking to me when i read it, i felt relief to be honest, i felt like shit for not realizing it early that, shit takes time to accomplish, but bit by bit you will have to work at it you'lll get there.


there is a segment in the book which is really empowering, that talks about ownership of problems,

now this may sound fucking obvious to some people, like "duh if you want to solve a problem you have, nobody is going to do it for you, its your problem!" its so logical right?

but when you don't feel worthy of having that weight in your shourlders, that you have power to change what you are, where you are, and where you want to be, that is PERSONAL POWER man!

the book makes you see that.

hey you were poorly diciplined as a child? well its ok, understand your parents they fuck up too, but it shouldn't burden your whole existance.



thing is that BY Taking responsibility for your problems you are doing two important things in self esteem.

1-stop seeking validation from others- aka if you have a goal and are solving it well people are always going to discourage you, you try to lose weight? well guess what some people will see that change and will try to get you back at being a fat person. but you taking charge of your situation is what counts!


2- investment of time in you- if you have a problem and take time to do shit, say read a book, or like in this case asking help on the webs, well you are taking charge towards driving yourself to be better. congrats, investment in self is important, because you wouldn't invest in something that isn't valuable, when you hold your opinion of yourself to be in a higher regard, WITHOUT BEING DELUDED!, its so empowering, because inside you know you are cool, you are special, you know you can have fun and enjoy people's company, even if you don't have the "record" to show it. but who ever does at the begining!?

this is important in regard to rejection, because say you approached that cute girl you find attractive, but say she flips out, (unlikely to happen unless you are RUDE!) but say she flips out and calls you a fatfuck, unatractive and a wimp.

well with this new concept, of self investment, you can quickly dimiss toxicity, you know that even if what she said was true, say you are in real life a fat person, there is no real reson to be a dick, plus, its only her opinion, an opinion of a stranger, but now since you are no longer validated by strangers, you are independent of both positive and negative critisism (obviouly you want constructive critizism but not shallow critism)

what i am trying to say is you will have more self esteem if you were validated on your standards over people's standards, because if you wait on peole well because simple you are the one that knows what you've been trhough over a stranger who only judges a segment of your life! see what im saying?

i really love the segment on problem ownership, you own your problems, no one will tell you or even help you, but as long as you have that responsibility and accountability of problems you are empowered to change.

haveing that drive to not feel like a victim and blame other people for your shortcommings is so great! it feels good bing in control over feeling powerless and dependent on other people.

maybe i am not explaining it correctly which is why i recommend you read this book so you get the 1st hand experience and take out what applies to you and what not applies to you.



i really love this book and if people want to be more confident, this book has very good bits that will help you, maybe even after reading the book you'd probably feel better. just one thing i recommend is that you recommend this book to other people if they need help just like i've "helped" you by maybe reading that book.

its all really up to you if you want to order that book, and invest time in yourself by reading it.




u/heglocke · 1 pointr/polyamory

I get that, I'm not trying to be critical of your progress or circumstances, I just have to try to help with a couple of short paragraphs. If you're really interested in working on yourself and fulfilling your potential for growth, I would recommend that you read The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck. It may help to get you to a place where you really can snap your fingers to shift perspectives that will advance your growth. I give this book to everyone.

u/Gorgoleon · 1 pointr/self

So it goes.

The Road Less Traveled helped me straighten myself out a while back. Check it out.

u/recipriversexcluson · 1 pointr/philosophy

See "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck.

Good people suffer more because they better recognize the magnitude of problems.

u/hellomynameistimothy · 1 pointr/IWantToLearn

You are the one who does not understand human psychology, based off your responses.

http://www.amazon.com/Road-Less-Traveled-25th-Anniversary/dp/0743243153/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1314211254&amp;amp;sr=8-1

Pick up that book, read it and see if your opinions don't change some.

u/allenizabeth · 1 pointr/TwoXChromosomes

Most self help books, true. But this is something everyone should read at least once.

u/zerdene · 1 pointr/relationships

I strongly urge you to read The Road Less Traveled. It's a fun read because you really get to think about yourself as you read it. The problem you have sounds deep, something you should get to the root of to start fixing.
Being judgmental is really really shitty, especially prejudice. I feel like it prevented me from getting to know a lot of amazing people. But once I truly realized the fact that everyone is unique and interesting in some way or another, it allowed me to open up A LOT and it's more fun that way. Some people I would find douchey turned out to be the nicest dudes, or the girl that seemed sassy was a sweetheart on the inside. Try to be as open minded as you can when meeting someone. Let them tell you about who they are, instead of you assuming who they are.

u/Mansyn · 1 pointr/MensRights

Nulliparous may be going a bit over-board with his disgust for it, but I agree that psychology is very much a pseudoscience. Look at how often they completely rewrite the DSM, and they do so mostly to fit what is currently socially acceptable. Add to that how many of them are just anti-depressant shills, or are just there to jerk off narcissistic personalities, and people get fed up with their inability to treat their disorders.

I don't think we should stop all self-reflection, or the field of study, but people should be aware that they have to take it all with a grain of salt. They should also be very wary of each professional they see initially, I've ran into some extreme nutjobs, most of which just wanted to get me on their brand of anti-depressant. Anti-depressants do not solve anything! Learn to take responsibility for your mental health, read the Road Less Traveled.

u/lenovo789 · 1 pointr/BipolarReddit

Before you go--- why not try reading a book I read some time ago called "The Road Less Traveled", by Scott Peck. Here's a link to it on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Road-Less-Traveled-Timeless-Edition/dp/0743243153

I rather liked it. You may too. If you give it a shot, what harm will it do to try it out since it really wont interfear with your life terribly however you choose to live it.

I wish you the best. If you read it, be sure to give me a PM even if it sucked! PM's are open even if you don't read it.

Love and eHugs!

u/Zaggner · 1 pointr/Marriage

Bottom line answer is yes. We are a product of our experiences and we develop our shadow based on those experiences. From a Jungian perspective it is important in our individuation process to integrate our shadow. There are no guarantees in life. We will be disappointed along the way. There will be struggles. Hopefully all of our experiences can help us in our growth process. There are two ways to live life--either "being" or "becoming". Figuring out which one actually will lead to flourishing (despite the trials) is part of the trial. Working with a good therapist can be hugely beneficial. If you're a reader, I'd suggest the book The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck it would be a good guide and support for your therapy.

u/vanish619 · 1 pointr/NoFap

We're under no obligation to be the same person we were yesterday"

---

Hello, traveller!

I've read Models by Mark Manson, but haven't gotten to "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" yet.

During my journey here, I read 2 additional books that may be good for you since they stemmed from some of those teachings


No more mr. Nice guy (Glover)

The road less traveled (Peck).


I was also having issues with an obstacle but reading your post made me realise what i have overlooked and may be beneficial in aiding me in my own journey as well.

Thank you for sharing, I appreciate it.

u/GodDamnItFrank · 1 pointr/self

I would suggest reading the book "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck. It is one of my favorite books and has helped me a lot. It was recommended to me by my father.

u/bigpuffyclouds · 1 pointr/raisedbynarcissists

I don't think it's an n trait but I struggle with procrastination and overall self discipline. Many over here have described it as a flea. I am really liking this book by Scott Peck called " The road less travelled" so far. It talks about overcoming fleas due to a toxic upbringing. Tells you what "love" means -words grounded in action and intention, not romantic overtures and platitudes.

http://www.amazon.com/Road-Less-Traveled-Timeless-Traditional/dp/0743243153/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1453580143&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=scott+peck+the+road+less+traveled

u/NAM007 · 1 pointr/conspiracy

The official story narrative is self-censoring for a variety of reasons most of them psychological based on nothing more than the desire to fit in and not be branded a heretic or a crazy lunatic. It's very cowardly yes, but it's also human nature, and it goes to show that a PhD doesn't have much clout in matters of scientific and historical scrutiny and analysis at it might have once had.

---

One of the best books i've ever read on the subject of mental and spiritual health and well being is called "The Road Less Travelled, A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth" by M. Scott Peck, M.D.. In it, he posits a few basic precepts as the foundational cornerstone to all human mental health, and by comparison, mental illness, of which "we are all mentally ill to a greater or lessor degree lacking perfect mental and spiritual health and well being" surrounding what he refers to as the four tools of discipline, and they are:

  1. Delay of Gratification

  2. Dedication to Truth

  3. Acceptance of Responsibility

  4. Balancing, or the ability to bracket or filter emotional reaction/responses and with absolute awareness choose that which is most appropriate in each and every circumstance, or right being, right thinking right action. How this relates to others obviously involves a rather high degree of very complex decision making, requiring of the balancer that they must continually work to strike and restrike the most appropriate balancing act, and thus it requires a great deal of work and effort where the possible payoff is much greater by far than the price in neccessary suffering to realize it.

    The will to use and employ these tools of discipline - is Love, where Love may in turn be defined as:

    "Love is the will to give of one's self for the sake of another's mental, emotional and spiritual growth and well being."
    (paradoxically this includes the self in the expanded act of moving beyond one's self and narrow self-serving agenda, in self-sacrifice and self-giving and leaving the self behind)

    This then leads to Peck's follow-up book called "A World Waiting to be Born, Civillity Rediscovered" which arose from the principals unearthed as if inspired by a Godly muse i should add in his first book "A Road Less Travelled" in which he further defines "Civility" or how we relate or ought to relate to one another within a societal and even a governing dynamic, as:

    "Consciously motivated organizational behavior that is ethical in submission to a higher power", or as he goes on to show is essential in such a context an imagined perfect observer where perhaps the new science axiom of to be is to be percieved, isn't entirely off the mark.

    So from this filter, we can then proceed to run a type of societal diagnosis upon ourselves "Doctor heal thyself".

    That the present state of affairs is so bad, isn't so bad in the final analysis because "for mankind, all happiness must arise exclusively only in relation to some unhappiness, already experienced" (Gurdjieff) and where "the more that sorrow and suffering has carved into our being the more joy we can contain" (Gibran).

    It's always darkest before the dawn, and what are we if not it's light at least in part.

    So our cause is still worthy and just, to help bring to light the dark ugly truth about 9/11 and what it really means in terms of the so-called "elite" who want to take over the world and in some ways already have right under our noses or in the case of 9/11 right before our eyes.

    It was not unlike a type of magic trick performed on the grandest scale, 9/11, and because the alternative hypothesis hasn't been completely able to unravell it, with questions remaining and absurd claims about space beams and the like, the official story narrative sticks in the collective imagination and unconsciousness and there corrupts the American mind if only because it is not true and simply cannot be believed.

    9/11 is like a chain that binds a historical beast of prey and casts him headlone into the abyss, which means, oblivion.

    Just one more generation to come along and take a good cold hard look at the evidence, and there it is.

    The buildings did not really "collapse" that's not what took place or occurred in reality and according to the immutable laws of physics.

    9/11 is leaking, and way to go 9/11 truth movement for keeping it on the table in order so that future generations looking back can get the story straight, which they will and can't not.

    In the very near future, grade 10 level physics students, armed with nothing but a bunch of youtube videos and a stopwatch, will not only prove 9/11 to be false, but their understanding of the course material to be true, and their teacher will have to give them an A without sending them to see the psychiatrist.

    It will happen eventually.

    But as to the current state of human affairs, i'd have to agree that it looks pretty darn dismal. It's not a good prognosis when using Scott Peck's filter to examine it. Makes for good comedy though, potentially, from the POV of the future looking back on this entire nightmare of historic insanity from 2001 to 2015 (and it's still going on, all justified in the name of 9/11, so it's still relevant as the documentary points out).
u/fajitaman · 1 pointr/NoFap

The Road Less Traveled gets into this quite a bit. I just started reading it, but I think a lot of what's in it could really apply to the fapstronauts around here. It really stresses discipline and independence as key elements to contentedness.

Sex is so overrated anyway, isn't it? It's just a thing that happens, you have a good time, and then it ends, then you're right where you started except maybe a little bit more attached to your partner. Then eventually you and your partner will fall out of love and there will be pain, and depending on the level of dependence you have on each other, you may actually take steps backwards in life by the time it ends. I guess it's all well and good if you're happy by yourself, but that only happens once you're able to give up on trying to find a partner.

u/OGNinjaDon · 1 pointr/Showerthoughts

This book has helped me and a few of my friends, not sure if it has already been suggested or not. I would highly recommend it.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-guide-finding-frantic/dp/074995308X/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1485182584&amp;amp;sr=8-5&amp;amp;keywords=mindfulness+for+beginners

u/steelypip · 1 pointr/selfhelp

Talking therapies and counselling do not work well for depression - simply talking over your problems can end up reinforcing the mental patterns that created them in the first place. Look into Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) instead - it is a meditation based therapy that has a proven track record of helping with depression such as yours. If you can, find a therapist near you that uses it - group sessions will be much cheaper than one-to-one sessions. It is normally done as an 8-week course.

If you cannot find or afford a therapist then there are several books that will help - here are a couple to that I am familiar with and can recommend:

The Mindful Way Through Depression

Mindfulness: Finding Peace In a Frantic World

If you search Amazon for Mindfulness you will find dozens of others. These books include a CD with the meditations on, so you can do the course on your own - it is not enough to just read the books, you have to do the practices as well.

If you are in a deep depression it is advisable to take a course of antidepressants first to get you into a state where you can do the course and stick with it.

u/del1507 · 1 pointr/Meditation

Second this,

I've also found this book invaluable. It comes with an 8 week program with mp3 guided meditations.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-guide-finding-frantic/dp/074995308X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1409838252&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=mindfulness

u/bakanek0 · 1 pointr/soccer

I found this book helpful, Mindfulness is meditation but more medical than religious : Mindfulness: A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/074995308X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_w2YxzbPJVEJVD

u/RBNaccount4 · 1 pointr/rape

You deserve to call it rape. You are not to blame. When you've been through something distressing it is ok for it to have an impact on you, in fact you can't really stop it from having an impact on you - that's why "just getting over it" isn't an option. You need to be kinder to yourself.


Out of curiosity, why is therapy/counselling not an option for you?


In terms of self-help it depends on the individual but I quite like mindfulness (I know it sounds a bit new-agey, but there is some fairly solid evidence that it can help) - there are some guided mindfulness sessions online, and there is a decent book on it too. Alternatively, there may be workshops/courses for mindfulness/CBT/other forms of therapy in your area that you could check out.

u/HumanEnhancementDrug · 1 pointr/xxfitness

First of all, my complements on losing weight, getting stronger, etc., and that only in 5 months. You should be really proud of yourself!

I don't have to tell you but exercising is really important and actually can help when you feel depressed. However, it is really understandable that you don't really feel like it and find it difficult to stay motived. But it is important to keep working out because if you completely stop it will also make it more difficult to start again. The important thing is that you now need to find a middle ground: so don't work till exhaustion but still keep going 2-3 times to the gym. On the days you don't work out, for example, go for a walk/jog. Also, don't worry about feeling constantly exhausted that comes with feeling depressed, and will eventually go away.

Maybe also a good thing is to maybe do a more social oriented sport because working out at the gym or running is still something you do on your own, which leaves you with your own thoughts. Think for example of CrossFit or classes such as Body Pump, spinning. This will force you more to focus on the class, socialise with others and think less about your problems.

What really helps me, maybe your are already doing this is mindfulness. I followed this program for 8 weeks and found it amazing: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-guide-finding-frantic/dp/074995308X.

A form of Mindfulness combined with exercising is ROM WOD. That is really intense and for sure will take your mind away from your problems. You can do a free trail for a week: https://romwod.com/

Hope this helps!

u/200652199 · 1 pointr/PlantBasedDiet

If you're not looking to go on medication or get help from a health professional (do really consider this one), take a look at treating your depression with meditation. I used to have crippling anxiety and meditation was transformative. Take a look at Danny Penman's work, he has 8-week programmes you can do at home. What do you have to lose by giving it go?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-guide-finding-frantic/dp/074995308X

u/Benmjt · 1 pointr/Meditation

Have you tried any courses or books on meditation? I would suggest a couple if you haven't.

First, download the 'Headspace' app for your smartphone, you get a 10 day course for free, which you can repeat again and again; really good intro to mindfulness mediation.

Secondly i'm currently reading/using 'Mindfulness' and this also gives you an excellent intro to the practice along with an 8 week course of meditations, all for less than £10.

u/LouisVuittonGone · 1 pointr/Meditation

What you say makes sense. I just struggle to practically apply that. Just to give you a scenario to explain what I mean:

Let's say you're meditating and the thought pops into your head "Oh I really can't be bothered with work tomorrow", what is the next step? I understand that the aim is to be aware of the thought, without passing judgement. So do you literally say to yourself "That is just the thought, I will return back to the breath" for example? And I also completely understand what you mean with reference to having no control over thoughts, believe me, that bit I get loud and clear haha! I just struggle to understand the distinction between observing thoughts i.e. being mindful and ignoring them. And then I really beat myself up about it all or constantly second guess everything I do in life by thinking things like: "Is this the right way to do it? Am I allowed to do this?" What unnerves me is I know this is so silly as the whole aim of mindfulness isn't to change our experience, but to notice is it as it is. I just really struggle with it and then applying it to daily life. It has become quite distressing, really.

I meditate roughly 10 minutes a day, increasing to 15 minutes this week. I read the following book:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-practical-guide-finding-frantic/dp/074995308X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;amp;qid=1453491316&amp;amp;sr=8-1&amp;amp;keywords=mindfulness+a+practical+guide+to+finding+peace+in+a+frantic+world

And I am following this course.

To answer your earlier question: I am tackling my depression on many fronts, I am on anti depressant medication, I exercise 6 times a week and eat well as I am currently bulking up and I see a fantastic therapist every week. Honestly, things are getting better for me in life in general, it's just I'm very much at a crossroads with my meditation practice and I'd thought I'd come here to seek advice before giving up my practice.

u/John_Sterling · 1 pointr/science

I think it was this one, not sure though.

u/IHeartBiggerTree · 1 pointr/Anxiety

Nope, not quite, but it's by the same author.
This is the one I got:
The other one could be as good or better though, I'd be interested to find out. Maybe read a few pages and check out his sample meditation to see if you like the guy's voice.

u/howmanykarenarethere · 1 pointr/CatsandCosmetics

book on mindfulness!

has great reviews, a few people seem to be having a rough few months so it mi